At present, these are my life’s goals: I want to deeply experience the love of God, and I want others to deeply experience the love of God through me. This begins with my relationship with Sharon. I want her to experience the full measure of a husband’s love, so that she knows that God loves her. My job as a husband is simple: to help her to realize — not just in theory, but in her actual experience — that she is truly and deeply loved as she is, for who she is, and not merely for what she does. How tragic it would be if my wife went through her entire life never experiencing true love! So I have resolved to make sure that this never happens to my wife, nor to my children. I believe that if and when when we get this family thing right, then the love within our family will overflow to those around us, producing real friendship (not mere coworking relationships) within our church.

For the rest of my life, this is what I must do: I must love others. Not just serve them, but actually love them; there’s a huge difference! My life will be a success if several people feel so loved by me that, when I die, they will cry their eyes out, and then praise God.

And one thing I now know: loving others does not begin with campus mission, or even with my children, but with my wife. This is what God has intended.

I have even heard some Christians suggest, based on 1Co 7:29, that a wife can become an idol in a man’s heart, so we should be careful not to love our wives too much, and we should remain emotionally distant from them. But an idol is an imaginary figure that does not exist. An idol is a fabricated depiction of an ideal woman, as one might find in a romantic movie, or an image that one might see in pornographic material. The actual flesh-and-blood woman to whom I married cannot be an idol. She is a real person, created in the image of our living personal God. She is the most precious gift that God has given me in this life to help me to understand who he is is and what his love is all about. The more I truly know and love my real wife — rather than some false image of a woman who doesn’t exist — the more I can understand the affection that Jesus Christ has for his Bride.

Thank you for expressing your inner thoughts and true feelings. In my case I carry my feelings on my sleeves and everyone knows what I am feeling. After being a missionary, learning a new language and culture, raising a family, working, building a new house, and soon pioneering a new chapter, I should have been burned out a long time ago. But in all my struggles, I have come to God for his help. I am basically a happy person not because I can fake it well but because I realized I’m really a sinner. Only by God’s grace and by his Son’s blood I am forgiven. When I am upset, my husband knows it. I tell him about it and then we pray together. It is good that I have someone who I can pray with and let out my feelings. I agree with you that just denying your feelings is not healthy at all. Truly Jesus let others know how he felt, for example his prayer in anguish at Gethsemane, when he cleared the temple with holy anger or when he felt satisfaction when he saw the Samaritan woman run back to her town to tell others about the Messiah. Jesus also touched the leper with much love and affection. When I see a sun set, I see the powerful, burning love of God for me. Joe, I say it to all, let your feelings be known, God always does. We should be transparent and honest. It is also good to have a prayer partner:)