As those who know me and love me say often, “How can someone who is smart enough to be a doctor be so stupid!”

Here’s what’s online about him from 2005: http://www.siliconinvestor.com/readmsg.aspx?msgid=21801462

Seriously though, my main confusion is why your mom and friends (which must certainly be UBF people?) would lend you money to “invest” with a man you met at a gas station? My mom would probably slap me if I made such a request! There must have been a noble cause or some worthy motivation. 

My sin was horresdously inexcusable to me on so many levels, worst of which was that I hurt my wife deeply, something she does not at all deserve, not to mention that I violated countless biblical principles, which clearly dishonored my God.

I experienced God’s grace, because I am “virtually unscathed” today, despite what I did. Surely, Jesus bore it all. If anything, I became a lot bolder and fearless (not to sin freely, but to take risks for the glory of God).

This post has been bothering me since I first read it. I am glad you shared publicly, but I just don’t understand quite a few things.

Why was this so devastating to you, your family and your church, as you say? Why would UBF be affected? Was their money involved somehow? It seems embarrassing or foolish yes, but I don’t see the devastation. I don’t see why this would be your worst sin.

How could this actually happen? So in 6 months you raised a million dollars, much of which was by convincing friends and even your mom to donate to you? Was it really cash? For 6 months you were driving bagfulls of cash to a gas station?  I just can’t fathom this. At times my family has needed financial help, and it is nearly impossible to transfer even one thousand dollars quickly.

Perhaps there are details to this that aren’t appropriate for this forum. But I just don’t see “the greatness of my Savior” in this, perhaps because I don’t see the “horrendously inexcusable sin”.

To clarify what I’ve learned on this topic: to cover up sin is very different from covering over sin.

Scripture is extremely clear on this point.  Psalms 32:5 “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”– and you forgave the guilt of my sin.”

Christian repentance and forgiveness is not covering up sin, but confessing and allowing the love of God to cover over our sin in due time. For example, 1 Thessalonians 2:5 clearly points out that cover ups are wrong in God’s sight. James 5:20 clearly points out that love through correction can cover over a multitude of sins.

Yes. As I understand the grace of God more and more, I see my regret over my sin more and more, and my list of sins seems to keep growing. I confess them publicly as I continue my journey into grace and seeking God’s forgiveness and healing.

I sinned by mistreating James and Rebekah Kim (http://www.ubfriends.org/2011/05/my-confession/)

I sinned by not speaking up when I heard my friends being publicly humiliated.

I sinned by not seeking out Biblically sound teaching from sources outside UBF.

I sinned by spreading my foolish defenses of UBF on the internet.

I sinned by adding to the frustration of other former memebers.

I sinned by shunning my friends when they decided to leave UBF.

I sinned by not getting involved when my two close friends were asked to undergo “dead dog training” (not sure whatever happened).

I sinned by not rebuking Korean leaders when they sinned.

I sinned by inventing gimmick after gimmick to make people stay in UBF.

I sinned by ignoring all the promptings of the Holy Spirit, resisting Him, and even grieving Him so many times.

I sinned by 20+ years of attempting to conform the Bible to UBF ideals.

I sinned by submitting to 6 months of obedience training.

I sinned against God and against others by supporting the following:

– Class system structure: sheep, shepherds, fellowhship leaders, staff, members, directors, continental/program-directors
– Directorship hierarchy: the idea of a tree structure of benevolent dictators.
– Marriage by faith: Willingness to let a leader choose your future spouse.
– Pioneering: Sending out one or more families to campuses around the world to setup a chapter of the organization, often without any valid support.
– Covering: Willingness to cover all sins and not expose things that bother your conscience.
– Loyalty to leaders: Willingness to obey and follow leaders above all other authority.
– Separation: Willingness to be separated from friends, family and the world in order to join God’s true children.
– Appeasement: Letting someone who speaks up have a task to do to keep them busy.
– Propaganda: Speaking only positive things about leaders and the organization.
– Duplicity: Willingness to ignore facts and adhere to double-standards, double-meanings and secret language.
– Vertical communication: the idea that group discussion and communication methods (such as email) are bad.
– Conscience binding: All Scripture must be bound to a UBF ideal or activity.
– Empire building: Every nation should become a “priestly nation”, which means people should become UBF-style people.
– Numerical-driven performance: Members are judged and rewarded (or made to feel guilty) based on numbers: number of prayer sessions, number of times going “fishing”, number of sheep, number of just about everything. Activities are geared toward molding ambitious people with a soldier, fighting spirit to conquer.

“So, if God does not remember them why would we want to?” 

I think you would agree with all this, but I want to point this out for our readers, as well as to express some things that have been on my mind a lot:

attempting to hide our sin only leads to death, but confessing our sin leads to life and healing (Leviticus 5:5, Acts 19:18, James 5:16). Then after that, it may be possible to cover over sin with love (1 Peter 4:8, Proverbs 10:12)

So while we are to identify and remember our sins for a time, we eventually find God’s healing and entrust all things to the cross and love of Jesus. But…we cannot skip the confession and repentance part. If we do, we hinder and even hurt those around us because of our inner pain and unresolved sin (Psalms 32:3). Furthermore, skipping the confession and repentance steps would mean we are not practicing the Christian concept of forgiveness.

I think Ben is confessing sin, which is one of the first steps of repentance. I for one don’t recall ever hearing about the details of this incident. So I believe it is healthy and right for public confessions with enough detail to demonstrate the sin and also the repentance.

As I and my friends know all too well, those who call themselves pastor become dangerous wounding machines if they fail to confess their sins. Christian confession of sin is not a “take your flogging and forget”, nor is it a way to earn God’s favor or salvation; Christian confession is part of repentance and leads to healing and reconciliation among our brothers and sisters. 

I believe confession and repentance are actions God can and does use to sanctify us (1 John 1:9).
 

My sin has been the sin of omission and of idleness. Here is my list of sins and repentance. When we become a Christian, we do not then cease be human.

Stop pretending everything is wonderful.

Stop defending organizations of men as if they were God’s kingdom.

Stop dictating my ideas about truth.

Stop demanding other people adhere to my standard of piety.

Stop thinking that my piety is the highest and best in the world.

Stop inventing glorious reports about the work of God.

Stop taking direction from doubled-minded people.

Stop spinning facts into perceptions that fit my ideals.

Stop proof-texting my religious claims.

Stop sitting by idly while my friends are suffering.

Start speaking up about things that disturb me.

Start publicly and vocally discussing actions that are wrong.

Start reaching out to other Christians.

Start reading about Christian doctrines.

Start expressing myself through blogging.

Start holding accountable those who have been unaccountable.

Start listening for the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Start understanding humanity.

Start studying the Old Testament from the viewpoint of Jesus.

Start realizing, accepting and extending the grace of God.

1) Just to clarify, I “rehashed my sin” not to beat myself up, for my dear Lord has already taken that for me on the cross. I remember my sin, so as to live and to continue in his grace alone, not at all to condemn myself. I would actually be quite arrogant if I condemned myself, because it would be denying that Jesus had already taken my condemnation on the cross on my behalf.

2) Also, I shared my sin openly and publicly to encouage honesty, openness and transparency in our Christian community.

3) Most importantly, I shared my sin because it displays the greatness of my Savior in that even my horrendously inexcusable sin could not separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus, my Lord (Rom 8:39)!

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,But trust Him for His grace;Behind a frowning providenceHe hides a smiling face.