I can be contacted on my blog: http://www.priestlynation.com

I will also continue to pay for and own this ubfriends.org domain.

Grace and peace.

seems like alot of titles: for prestige of holders? for control of holdees?

overseer implies person watching over flock; elder implies guide; pastor implies concerned care;
the rest are hogwash, system of control

Keep up the good work!

‘Abusive spiritual leaders lie to get other people to do what they want them to do. Lying is a serious problem with serious consequences. I think we need to stop taking it lightly as “truth bending.” It is lying.’

we have to make doing right easy to address, by remembering Jesus bravely spouting out “woes” to the ‘learned/esteemed’ pharisees

As you and others already figured out, some older UBFers just have NO IDEA that they have been controlling and manipulating you (in the name of shepherding) while you were in UBF, which resulted in PTSD-like issues–feeling stymied and oppressed–all of which did not help you (and others) to become an actualized individual Christian, but only a clone and a vastly inferior shadow of your true self.

25 to Life, Cinderella Man, Going through changes, and No love especially helped.

These (clean) lyrics from “25 to life” nailed it for how I felt:

I don’t think [ubf] understands the sacrifices that I made
Maybe if this [shepherd] had acted right I would’ve stayed
But I’ve already wasted over half of my life… I would’ve laid
Down and died for you… I no longer cry for you
No more pain [shepherd].. you
Took me for granted took my heart and ran it straight into the planet
Into the dirt I can no longer stand it
Now my respect I demand it
Imma take control of this relationship
Command it, and imma be the boss of you now
And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me
So you better hear me out this much you owe me
I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you while I’ve stayed
Faithful all the way… this is how I get repaid?

And also these lyrics from “No Love” (cleaned up)

Been to hell and back, I can show you vouchers
I’m rolling [blogs], I’m smoking sour
Married to the [ubf] game but [ubf] broke her vows
That’s why my bars are full of broken bottles
And my night stands are full of open Bibles

It’s a little too late to say that you’re sorry now
You kicked me when I was down
But what you say just (don’t hurt me)
That’s right [ubf] (don’t hurt me)
And I don’t need you (no more)
Don’t want to see you (no more)
Ha, [shepherd] you get (no love)
You showed me nothing but hate
You ran me into the ground
But what comes around goes around (yeah, yeah)
I don’t need you (don’t hurt me)
That’s right (you don’t hurt me)
And I don’t need you (no more)
Don’t want to see you,
Ha, [shepherd] you get (no love, no, no love, no, no love, no, no love)

It has been hard for me to talk to anyone even my own family as I don’t know how to explain it. I have found it hard to trust people as I don’t know who has my interest at heart.

Your article was very interesting, and encouraging at the same time. I am currently experiencing a lot of anger, resentment, shame and guilt. I took a sabbatical break and am trusting God for healing restoration for this season. Remember me in ur prayers

1. For sure, as an older Christian leader, I fill “a divinely established office, but I am NOT divine, inerrant or infallible.”

2. I personally need to be accountable to those around me in the church. I ask those in the church to hold me to Heb 3:13.

3. I must not be treated any differently or deferentially than anyone else in the church, and definitely not be defended when I mess up.

4. Acts 20:27 (the whole counsel of God) happens to be my 2013 key verse.

5. Please exhort, encourage, correct me and please, please, please, stab me in the front!

Kingdom in the Midst: “Touch not God’s anointed?”

Here is some relevant and excellent advice from the article above. Also, the author gives some good biblical advice after this:

“There are a few things that should send up all kinds of red flags should you see them in the pastor of your church:

1. Any claim to divine power or authority. Contrary to the “Lord’s anointed” teaching and those scary dying deacon stories the traveling evangelist told you, pastors are people, too. This is not to say we should disrespect them; we should not. Even when they do and stay dumb things. It does mean, however, that they are not God-like. The New Testament does not speak of church leaders in the same way David talked about king Saul. Pastors fill a divinely established office, but they are not divine, inerrant or infallible.

2. An insistence on unquestioning support. While some pastors act as if high school boys need more accountability than anyone else, the truth is pastors need as much accountability as anyone. Pastors need more than one person who will ask them hard questions, force them to rest, ensure they are spending enough time with their spouse, and that their own time in prayer and the Word is not suffering. Any pastor who demands or expects unflinching support has replaced God with his own ego, and is leading himself and the church down a destructive path. Such a demand often arises from his own irrational fears or sinful desires but, rather than doing the painful work of humble self-examination efforts are made to squelch any questions.

3. Excusing sin at the leadership level. In these church there is almost an obvious and ongoing double standard between the top pastor, the other leaders and the rest of the people. Those comprising the “inner circle” are often beyond criticism, having any transgression short of murder swept over the rug. This behavior has been seen in other places besides FBC Hammond.

4. Preaching the same things over and over. Preaching the whole counsel of God takes a lot of work. Avoiding the comfortable ruts of routine comes from immersing one’s heart and mind in the Word of God. Pastors who refuse accountability will soon find themselves preaching what they know. It’s all they can do. When pastors do not study, they do not learn, they are not changed. They have nothing to give. The same jokes, stories, verses and “hobby-horses” are signs of an inner breakdown.

5. A seeming obsession with a single subject matter. The Bible instructs us, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” A video of Jack Schaap simulating masturbation during a youth sermons can be found online. It is so graphic even the Chicago Magazine writer was nonplussed about it. When a “man of God” refuses correction from those around him, he has already refused correction from God’s word. At that point the mind overflows with garbage. It might be sex, materialism or power, but that which is inhabiting the pastor’s heart will make its way out.

This recent sermon speaks to the topic of your article Ben, and is a must-read for us. Is it just me, or does Mr. Ludy explain what many senior UBF leaders have been doing for 50 years?

http://www.ellerslie.com/Eric_Ludy_Sermons/Entries/2012/9/2_A_Cult_Leaders_Worst_Nightmare.html

Sorry I don’t have much time to read others’ comments. Anyway, I won’t lie to you. Spiritual Abuse is very much common in the Philippine UBF ministry based on my observation on my first 3 years living a common life with them. Once again, the most remarkable issue is “Marriage by Faith”. 

Let me share a story; Once there was a Shepherdess who just repented after all the leaders found out about her secret relationship with one of the shepherds. That shepherd involved was kicked out and the shepherdess repented. She shared her testimonies sincerely every week, and she go fishing, even alone. A week later, her shepherdess leader summoned her on a meeting with another young shepherd. Obviously they are to be engaged “by faith”. The young shepherdess refused. Her reason is that “she’s not yet ready.” Then her Shepherdess said, “How come? While you were in a secret relationship, you were ready.” And what’s worst, the Shepherdess leader said “you’re gonna regret that decision.” The Shepherdess leader might have a good point but that young shepherdess told me that she feels like her Shepherdess cursed her. I know for some of you it’s not a big deal, for me it is. Personally, I’m not a spiritually abusive person but my problem WAS being a spiritually compromised shepherd. 

Anyway, same challenge – (I rejected someone 2 years ago) –  happened to me but my Shepherd didn’t cursed me. He just told me that he respects my decision and that I should pray for what I’ve decided. No offense and no biased, but that is one gracious shepherd I had.

But thanks to God, because of your continues visit to our ministry, everything’s gradually modified. From being strictly legalistic to loving and gracious individuals. We’re grateful and thankful. 

Spiritual abuse “is the inappropriate use of spiritual authority (the Bible, ecclesiastical tradition, or church authority) to force a person to do that which is unhealthy. Often it will involve a forceful or manipulative denial of that person’s feelings and convictions.” Steven R. Tracy, Mending the Soul  (Zondervan, 2005), 32–‐33.

There are 4 characteristics of a spiritually abusive religious institution.

1) Power posturing occurs when the “leaders are preoccupied with their authority and continually remind people ofit.”

2) Performance preoccupation takes place when spirituality “becomes a matter of external performance, not internal character.”

3) Unspoken rules such as “’Don’t ever disagree with your pastor or you are disloyal and unspiritual’” are “not discussed openly but are enforced rigidly.”

4) Finally, spiritually abusive religious institutions have a lack of balance. That is, “spiritually abusive churches have little or no spiritual balance, and the leaders exhibit either extreme objectivity (‘you must have graduate degrees to have any spiritual knowledge’) or extreme subjectivity (‘the Lord gave me this message, and you must accept it’).”

“So, it is very helpful and very beneficial, for the students who just met Jesus and need spiritual training, at the same time this student become a mature individual spiritually and participate in the work of God as a coworker.”

>>> Agreed. The key point I would like to make is that such training is beneficial if done without binding the person to you (as a leader) or to UBF (as an organization). If spiritual training leads a person to depend on you as their “lord” instead of Jesus as the Lord, the training was harmful. If the training goes too long, and then the person becomes dependent on the training (UBF), then the training is harmful. Almost no one in UBF understands these things. My challenge to anyone in UBF: Could you live one month with no UBF activity? 

“So I made an ultimatum to poineer a new chapter and I did since 2008.”

>>> Yes, that is what you must do to bring change to UBF. Such pioneering is the “hope” of redeeming UBF. By no means do I think people should follow my example; I am “taking the fall” so that others in UBF may find freedom.

“I am not sure if you noticed that for the last two years there are some changes that are going on in UBF addressing the issues which divert us from the bible.”

>>> Yes, I am well aware of the few good changes :) I believe such changes would not have occurred without the recent actions of Ben, Joe and myself, along with a few others.

“I am sure it is not easy to leave UBF but it is easier than facing mistakes and wrong ideas that do not go with what the word of God says. But we have the right to stand up on the truth and you will be surprised that many at UBF will stand on the truth with you.”

>>> Perhaps it is a matter of perspective, but my leaving UBF was THE hardest task I have ever done. My pioneering was not like yours; I was sent out as a means of obedience training. I have brought about far more change by leaving. I agree: together we go! UBF and exUBF go on together. 

“There are no churchs without mistakes and without a need for revival or without certain practices that were needed to be rooted out. We need to be reminded constantly to go back to the bible.”

>>> I’m not talking about a few mistakes in UBF. I have been blogging and talking about major, corporate problems that are beyond individuals and chapters. I am talking about the historical, Christian doctrines of Lordship, grace, rest, cross, mission and discipleship, which are almost completely misunderstood or missing entirely from the fabric of UBF. 

When ever I studied the bible with my bible teacher especially the last few years before leaving for Msn work, we together put aside all what we learned before and we dug deeply in the word of God to understand the passage after prayer for God to move our hearts and help us understand it. I spent many beautiful bible studies. At the same time I faced some trials during my years at UBF from older and younger members– mostly form older. But when I measured the benefits and the work that has been done weather it is bible study or spiritual training, I can not but be thankful to God who led me to UBF. It is a unique ministry with mistakes that could and should be dealt with it from the inside. I beleive all of us still need the christian comunity and we strive for it.

In the new mission field since we moved 7 years ago we faced issues as well with our coworkers which related to authority, wrong teaching, misunderstanding and mistrust, but I consider it indiviual. I really beleive that there are very faithful people among us who are sincere and mature enough to distinguish that we need change in certain areas. And I truly beleive that we can do it from within the ministry.

I will give you an example, while we were serving in Africa we faced first hand the issues of spiritual abuse. My shephered in the US understood deeply my situation and supported me. So I made an ultimatum to poineer a new chapter and I did since 2008. I beleive Maria and John also are working in a separate chapter as well. We can change from within and God made us to be able for him.

I am not sure if you noticed that for the last two years there are some changes that are going on in UBF addressing the issues which divert us from the bible. When I look at it from different prespective, I will tell my shephered, I have been in this organization and it is part of me, I do not want to be in a movie set and also I do not want to leave UBF this is my take. And I will please God accordingly. If I am faced with hardship then bring it up and there are many will stand with you without leaving.

I am sure it is not easy to leave UBF but it is easier than facing mistakes and wrong ideas that do not go with what the word of God says. But we have the right to stand up on the truth and you will be surprised that many at UBF will stand on the truth with you. And there are many as well who are comfortable with the old ways of things and do not want to change. With more voices and clear biblical facts I pray and beleive that they will change too. It will take some time.

You stayed at UBF for 24 years and I beleive you can start as well your chapter and work from there to make a change, Abraham can as well work from his new chapter in india to change the practices that are not following the word of God. I beleive in this way we can change and be changed.

There are no churchs without mistakes and without a need for revival or without certain practices that were needed to be rooted out. We need to be reminded constantly to go back to the bible. This is the history of the church and the history of sinful mankind I beleive who always go back to his or her old self.

My heart goes to everyone who faced unnecessary hardship and man maid trials which hurt some people. There are many that have ligering bitterness who are in UBF or left UBF. I pray that God put peace in their hearts as he did Dr. Ben and others.

God bless you Brian and I pray deeply that God use you the way he intends.

“I am sure many people who left UBF are very angry becuase of abuse they received at some degree, and if they were around for some years I am very sure also if think in their mind for a second they also abused those who were under them at some degree or some point.”

I’m thankful that the days of anger are getting to be very few and far between. I would clarify my situation however. During my 24 years I rarely, if ever, experienced the direct “spiritual abuse” Ben mentioned. My time in UBF was, for the most part, good. I think there are two main reasons for my escaping the direct abuse: 1) I never challenged the authority of UBF leaders and 2) I was considered a “hope carrier”; someone who obeys the UBF ideas and supports UBF leaders

My problem is that I turned a deaf ear to those who did experience the abuse directly. I stood by silently defending the leaders who mistreated others (whom I thought were weaker than me) with all kinds of training. Doing this for many years made my conscience numb and my heart calloused.

Now that I’ve shed the cloak of UBF in my life, I can look back more honestly. I can see that my life in UBF was very much like “The Truman Show“. I’m not sure if this would be called “abuse”, but it is certainly manipulation and deception.

UBF leaders had created situations that I thought were real, but the situations were really just a show to train me to be loyal and obedient to UBF. Life in UBF will be full of difficult and often harsh training if you don’t conform to the UBF lifestyle. But life in UBF will be rather good if you silently obey your shepherd and promote UBF ideas. But by doing so, you end up living in a movie set, where the script is constantly being modified and where you are constantly acting out part of the Bible.

My happiest day these past year was when I walked out of the “movie set” and into real, human life.

Over the years at UBF I had some observations about orders that were not biblical from shepherd to sheep. At the same time deeply each individual is accountable in his or her personal relationship with God. I really appreciate and love the tone of your words above which reflected peace and acceptance in your heart. So, it seems that God put peace in your heart.

With a relationship of shepherd and sheep we tend to feel that this person should listen to what I say to him or her for no reason but because I teach him or her the bible. If they do not listen we tend to call them rebelious, proud and disobedient to the servant of God. Several times it happens that the leader mock the bible student if he does not listen to a certain direction and then abuse him or her publicly in Sudnay message since you can not reply to a message. That message which you can not deny because it is true and from the bible words but it was applied so wrongly to abuse spiritually to that student to “teach him a lesson” — spiritulal lesson. And more offten that lesson turns to teach the leader where he or she sees God’s hand working with the student and if they recognize it they repent surely. When you look at it from a prespective of Man to God relationship, we can not but marvel how all these spiritual abuses work as well as trials and help the individual grow more in the word of God. Does this mean I promote this spiritual abuse. Surely not. I recall that these times helped me to draw closer to God. Now on the other hand, from the leader ( The abuser side) Also it goes back to a relationship between Man and God, since the abuser needs really to sit down with him or herself and reflect on the real motive in their hearts which led them to the abusive behaviour and repent before God.

I witnessed many who have very simple and pure faith here in Africa which stunned me and made me realize how Jesus is so simple and so pure. It is very beautiful. There is work of God going in every part of this world and mostly with simple pure people. Which goes back to the point that we have become a pharisee like in many occasions at UBF which started with trying to frame the bible within culture instead of pending the culture to the bible. You will be stunned of how similar the hierarcy of our ministry is some how similar to that of many worldly companies. Order is required at any place and specially spiritual order, but I beleive we have to stop a second and distinguish betwee spiritual order and spiritual abuse which just fill the pride of the leader.

Each person has to come to God with sincer heart individually, no one will go to heaven because he or she are in UBF or any other christian organization. I beleive we have a lot of work to be done at our ministry ( UBF) which is desparately needed. I am sure many people who left UBF are very angry becuase of abuse they received at some degree, and if they were around for some years I am very sure also if think in their mind for a second they also abused those who were under them at some degree or some point. Authority and power are dangerous thing, and when they are given to someone who is immature OR follow blindly without thinking it can destroy souls. This is the main issue Muslims suffer from.

God bless you and be with you.

“Brothers, none of us thinks that we lord over God’s people. But let me tell you something: If your people are afraid of you, you are lording over them! Your motive may good. But if your people feel controlled by you, you are lording over them! Brothers, if your people feel that they have to get permission from you to make decisions in their private lives, then you are lording over them! Because you are putting fear in their hearts. You are making them feel controlled. You are telling them what they can and cannot do in their personal lives . . . like whether or not they can attend a meeting held by another Christian. Therefore, you brothers are lording it over God‟s people!! And if that is not what it means to lord over God‟s people, then you tell me what it means to lord over them?!!”

A couple years ago I made a decision that I wanted my actions to reveal Jesus in me, not my Bible studies, fishing frequency or words. If Jesus can be revealed through my love, care and concern for others and they ask me about my actions then I can share my faith in Jesus and the supreme aewsomeness that is Gods grace and love. In other words I can share my testimony. No more fishing attemots each week or one to one studies. God provides numerous opportunities to share my faith and Jesus love every day with others. I am now free to do so with joy and willingness.

One to one mentoring can be good and helpful, but only at certain times. In ubf too many people have this title of shepherd and lead 1:1 Bible study. I don’t trust the one to one format simply because it puts one person in position of power over the other. This is where a lot coersion, persuasion, abuse, and manipulation occur. (this can happen in groups too). I know someone who decided not to go to a conference and their Bible teacher spent an hour and a half persuading them that their decision was wrong and un-biblical. UNBIBLICAL!!!!????? It drove this student to tears. I think there is too much risk in the 1:1 model. If someone needs a mentor, then seek and refer to those who are qualified to do that. True pastor, counselor, therapist, etc.

I’ve been meaning to meet with a friend for lunch soon. It will not be a 1:1, but meeting with a friend, sharing our lives and praying together.

Thank you for your comment. It really hit home. Our vision should be heaven bound not earth bound. Also Ben, I liked the link to the blog about blind to our blindness. May I say that it was an eye opener. These days we are preparing for our Easter conference. We have four speakers. Three of them are in their early 20’s under 22 and then there’s John. They wrote all their messages on their own. When I read them I was deeply moved by the insight they had. I learned so much. When John read our daughter’s message he commented that it was better than his message and he decided to revise his message. Several of our students decided not to come but I was so happy about the spiritual insight of our messengers that even if only the messengers and I go to this conference it would be enough. Also we are going to another city and another church (not UBF) will sponsor our conference. They will house us, and feed us. They are so excited to have us and we are so excited to go there. We want to be a blessing for them. 

Your thoughts are more like a critical thinker who has these qualities, as opposed to assuming the “party line” or fighting to maintain the “status quo” (i.e. “chee”).

– Raises important questions and problems, formulating them clearly and precisely

– Gathers and assesses relevant information, using abstract ideas to interpret it effectively

– Comes to well-reasoned conclusions and solutions, testing them against relevant criteria and standards

– Thinks open-mindedly within alternative systems of thought, recognizing and assessing, as need be, their assumptions, implications, and practical consequences

– Communicates effectively with others in figuring out solutions to complex problems, without being unduly influenced by others’ thinking on the topic.

I contend that we should make right judgments about ourselves, about God, about people, about the world, etc.; and such thoughts are not passing judgment on others. I am so blessed these days because people around me ask questions like “What was God teaching you through that book you read?”

Interestingly, Jimmy wrote about the way we understand humility from Num 12:3. I also blogged about it, because humility has been incorrectly communicated as “Be humble like Moses and don’t respond to anyone who complaints against you”: http://bentohwestloop.blogspot.com/2011/09/moses-himself-needs-humble-savior.html Surely there are instances where you do not need to respond. But this is clearly not the blanket way to define what Christian humility is.

The pattern just keeps repeating, over and over, more subtly perhaps. May our Lord end the pattern of abuse this time around. 

And this pattern is not unique to UBF:

“Many pastors in South Korean churches (and some Korean-American churches and Korean-American Christian groups – Berkland Gracepoint and University Bible Fellowship) show off their strength and absolute authority over all church-related matters by acting like despots, dictators, kings and emperors of their small empires. Many pastors in South Korean Protestant churches criticize the Pope and the Roman Catholic Church, but many South Korean pastors behave as if they are the Pope of their local church.”
(source)

It is sad that marriage has been used to manipulate young people into conforming to  UBF ideology. Even baptism has been used to coerce people to obey “world campus mission”. I saw so much of this and sat by idly “minding my own business.” I even witnessed marriage by faith used to coerce a homosexual into marriage. So whatever good deeds have been done in UBF, such deeds are, in my opinion, trumped by abusing marriage in the name of “being a blessing” or “for God’s glory.”

This is a good discussion, and one that seems to come up in UBF circles every few years. I only want to add one point to the conversation: In my experience, the spiritual abuse is primarily abuse of Scripture. UBF spends SO much time in Bible study that you eventually stop thinking for yourself and find that you cannot even consider viewpoints different from UBF ideology, all because that ideology is bound to Scripture via proof-texting and springboarding methods.

I know this because I was a prime Bible abuser :(  Here is a quote that begins to show how the root of nearly all abuses in UBF stem from incorrect Biblical doctrine:

“Brian defends things that are only a small part and not the core of the real problem, and he does so by quoting the Bible selectively. None of his Bible interpretations can pass a thorough analysis. He has no interest in really learning from the Bible, but the Bible is only a means to justify UBF practices. I call this Bible abuse.”

We’ve already had these kinds of discussions in the past, in 2005, to almost no avail. Perhaps the discussion above will be more effective…I am thrilled to read your confessions, Ben. We need far more people to come to such realizations.

(Note, I consider the person critiquing me in the quote above to be a very good virtual friend these days!)
 

Unfortunately, relationships in UBF have been mostly framed in a hierarchy system, which practically translates to a unitlateral top down power communication. As you alluded to, I believe this is unbiblical, anthropocentric, and clearly unhealthy.

Christ is the ultimate head of the church (Eph 5:23; Col 1:18), not a person, while the rest of us in the church are a loving family of brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, parents and children in the Lord, who are all equal co-heirs with Christ.

I would say instead “he intends for all Christians to be role models and mentors for EACHOTHER in order to draw EACH OF US to know the love of God through His Son and by His Spirit.”

That is my issue with all of this. We speak as if the change is position is permanent – I go from “sheep” to “shepherd” and then I am one of the shining leaders of God’s church. I don’t buy it. I have seen too much abuse and been personally manipulated and abused by the so called “shepherds” of the organization. These are not shepherds, these are wolves and thieves – out for their own glory. It turns God’s ministry into a pyramid scheme. What then is the difference between that and Amway? really?

There are times in our spiritual lives when we encourage and rebuke – only out of love for no other purpose than to help the other person – and there are times we need to be rebuked. And that rebuke can come from a teenager, from a peer, from an elder. It is all about helping eachother love Jesus more through dialogue with one another. The moment we stop engaging in a dialogue with to those around because of their “position” on the pyramid is when we are in danger of all of this abuse. And honestly, that moment came long ago.

My goal in helping Christians now – during my BRIEF time of mentoring another person – is for one purpose only: to help them grow into Christians who can think and understand scripture BY THEMSELVES as whole Christians, who can dialogue with the Holy Spirit of God FOR THEMSELVES, and as a result help others (including me!) grow to love God more.

But I think that if you met a person say like Mother Theresa, or like Billy Graham, we would likely volunteer to be mentored and shepherded by them, for we would gravitate to them because of their real and genuine Christ-like, Spirit filled humility, love and compassion. So, when Peter says, “Be shepherds of God’s flock” (1 Pet 5:2), he intends for all Christians to be role models and mentors for others in order to draw them to know the love of God through His Son and by His Spirit.

That’s perhaps my feeble attempt to distinguish between biblical Christ-like shepherding, and the shepherding that may have been experienced in an authoritarian-like church such as UBF, where the shepherding can easily become a form of BITE (behavior, information, thought and emotional control), a term coined by Steve Hassan.