You described what me and my friends experienced quite well. The main issue here is what I call “binding the mind” to a set of ideas. No matter how noble or “Christian” those ideas may be, human beings were not created to be bound in such a way.

I remember something I heard last year that helped me free my mind immensely. For decades I accepted and believed that the “world mission command” was Jesus’ mission statement, as found in Matthew 28:19-20, and that this was the greatest command from Jesus.

When I read/blogged/listened to many Christian resources, I discovered that Luke 4:17-21 is Jesus’ mission statement and the greatest command from Jesus is to love, as in John 13:34-35 and Matthew 22:36-40.

What you experienced has historically been described as the “abuse” of shepherding type ministries where the “shepherd” practically becomes and functions like the Holy Spirit.

I believe that as more and more Christians begin to speak up without fear and with a degree of brokenness and humility, God may have mercy on the “shepherds” who have perpetrated such abuses, often without their conscious awareness, which of course still does not exonerate them in any way.

Personally, I have witnessed that the saddest effect of such abusive shepherding is that it stunts the spiritual growth of members, and stifles their initiative, creativity and risk taking, because the members are absolutely required implicitly to clear every decision with their shepherd in order to obtain their blessing, permission and approval.

We pray to raise leaders, but inadvertently we have often raised timid and hesitant followers who need to get permission to lead. The only real way for one to be a leader is to let them lead without undue interference. May this happen with increasing frequency.

“Have You Lost Your Freedom?” I did lose my freedom, yes. For over 20 years there were always several voices in my head. The voice of UBF missionaries was the loudest. So loud, in fact, that I couldn’t hear my own voice. In fact, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions, my marriage, my family, my career, my purpose from God became so tightly bound to all things UBF that I became the “Tom Cruise” of UBF, living and breathing UBF for 30 to 40 hours every week on top of my 40 to 60 hour job.

“Are you truly free in Christ?” Yes I am now! Now there is only my voice, and at times, the voice of God via the Holy Spirit, directing my life. I declared my freedom, sparked by the wise words of a truly spiritual man who said to me I will not bind your conscience. I am happy to say that I regained my identity as an American, and I am still born free!!.