The one who said that “criticsm is useless unless the motives are pure” is not a UBFer. He is a friend of a friend whom I have not met. But yes, the one who commented that criticism is not rooted in love is a long-standing UBFer whom I know personally for decades. He is truly a good man and an honorable noble Christian man of integrity. But in my opinion, I think he hears almost every critique of UBF as uncalled for criticism and rejection of God’s sovereignty, because he regards almost every criticism as discouraging God’s people and not planting faith in God.

Btw, I’m not sure whether the person who said “criticism is useless unless the motives of the critic are pure” was really a UBFer, but it’s a typical UBF statement anyway. And there was a very similar statement on the same Facebook thread by a UBFer: “The problem with criticim is it’s not often rooted in love.” Yes, ideally all criticism, actually all we do, should be rooted in love. But you should not conclude back that criticism loses its legitimacy if it’s not rooted in love which is something only God can know anyway. It’s always the same trick of turning the tables, shifting the attention from the nuisance itself to the person who is pointing out the nuisance.

btw, Chris, it is things like the above that I say that just gets me killed in the UBF community and church to which I belong. Yet, I cannot stop saying what is so obviously sad and true for many UBFers, most of whom I believe are genuine believers.

I think believing such fallacies is at the core of the reasons why UBF can’t change.

When I talked with several Korean missionaries about ovious grievances, they told me “I’m not in a position to address these things.” They believed that they were 1) too low in the UBF hierarchy, criticism may only go top-bottom, never bottom-up, 2) they were sinners and had no right to speak about sins of others. This is the reason why the sin of the leadership never got addressed.

And actually, not only the Koreans believed these things, but even non-Korean members, though their reasoning is more shifted to 2) than 1). Every week we had to deliver “testimonies” in which we had to expose how we are sinners, and how miserably we failed in doing campus mission and feeding 12 sheep. Through this, the feeling of being a sinner, or rather a failure and underachiever, or even of being an impostor (claiming to be a “royal priest” but not really living as one) was deeply ingrained in us. On the other hand, the chapter director never read his testimony. It seemed as if he was already perfect since he obviously did not have to struggle with such problems. Instead, he fed us with the word of God every week. So who were we to criticize such a man, “the servant of God”? That is the mechanism by which the silencing of criticism works in UBF.

The problem here is the misbelief that criticism gets its legitimation from the person of the critic and his/her motivation. That is simply not true. Any criticism is useful, if it is legitimate and relevant. When I read a Wikipedia page I often find the “criticism” section very helpful. I don’t care about the motivation of the writer of that section at all. I just ask myself: Is that criticism legitimate?

The statement that “criticism is useless unless the motives of the critic are pure” is only a variation of the well-known ad hominem fallacy.

Don’t be confused by such fallacies. Start decoupling your own sin problem from the sin problem of UBF, since both are very different unless you are a chapter director. You will never be really “pure” in the sense that is implied in the above statement. Even if one day you feel really “pure” you will be immediately impure again because of such haughty feelings.

You may object that there is a verse in the Bible that sounds similar: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” But this verse talks about something differently. It says, very literally, don’t criticize a person for doing something if you do similar things in a worse manner. The “sawdust” and “plank” are the same kind of sin. I don’t think the sins of the UBF leadership are just “sawdust”, and I don’t see the ordinary UBF members doing the same or worse, quite to the contrary, their sin is that they are too subservient towards overbearing leaders. I often heared UBFers, but also other Christians derive from that verse that nobody should ever criticize or judge. This is simply not true. Just read Mt 18:15ff to see that Jesus never taught this thing. Or read 1 Cor 5:12 to learn from the Bible when we even have the obligation to judge. Read more about this issue here: Are Christians to judge or not to judge?.

Interestingly, at the end the article says: “We are never to judge the innermost motives, or personality of another believer.” And here we come to a full circle, because in order to apply the statement “criticism is useless unless the motives of the critic are pure” you would need to assess the innermost motives of the critic. The fact that this is ultimately impossible and/or sinful should be enough reason to totally dump this statement as a wrong and potentially harmful idea.

I have now become convinced the one Scripture most needed in UBF is Genesis 22:11-12. And this respect for conscience is the very reason I respect the Well ministry.

Now I’m “wide awake“!

I think this sums up the experience that my wife and I received: we were told specifically how we ought to obey God’s commands, with very little opportunity to exercise our personal freedom as individual Christians. The result is that our lives became very much under the authority and control of our pastor in areas where we should have been given freedom to follow our conscience before God.

Like Brian, my answer is also yes! “Feeding Leader’s Ego” is not biblical at all! Why should a leader hint or even initiate to ‘help’ someone in regards to their marriage? If that person, whoever that may be, wants to initiate a relationship for the purposes of courtship, then they should do so based on biblical principles (1 Corinthians 10:31; 2 Corinthians 6:14; Mark 10:6-12; Proverbs 31:11-31). Obviously there are many more! The leaders/shepherds/directors MUST STOP controlling other’s in regards to their marriage! Do I mean they should remain silent and not say a word if someone seeks their advise for marriage? No, not necessarily, unless the advise is going to be how you want the marriage to be done or according to the 50 year UBF custom! Pastor’s/shepherd’s/leader’s main role is not picking out a “suitable” marriage partner or even suggesting a marriage partner! Their job is to teach God’s Word and allow the Holy Spirit to guide their lives! Again, this does not mean to remain silent and refuse to help if someone is seeking godly/biblical advise.

That is why I believe so strongly that the only 2 things that will ever change UBF positively are to admit abuse has happened and to release the bonds of shepherd/sheep relationships, as I pointed out already. These are the same two basic problems of the 1970’s Shepherding Movement.

I had dinner last night with some former members and one current director in UBF. He sees the problems and yet continues to attempt to direct the lives of others. Purging the “director” mentality will take decades, but it must happen. The Holy Spirit is our director (John 16:13).

That may be a reason why certain unhealthy UBF practices are continuing to be practiced for 50 years virtually unchecked in some places.

To name just one, it would be the general thought and idea that it is the UBF shepherd/leaders job to ultimately have the final say regarding a single UBF person’s marriage:

* who they can marry,
* when they can marry,
* what “training” they need before marriage,
* who they should invite to their wedding,
* why they should not date,
* how much money they should offer,
* the authority to cancel/postpone the marriage/wedding, etc.

Should this stop in every UBF chapter, regardless of the country or precedent?

When I was in UBF, I was conditioned to view criticism as “persecution”. UBF reacts with silence and “praise God, ignore division” attitudes because they (like me in the past) usually see anything negative as “from the devil” and “persecution for following Jesus”.

I remember some former members came to an international UBF conference once, handing out pamphlets and trying to talk with UBF members. We were told by a senior UBF leader to walk out the door of the meeting place in a straight line. We were told not to even look at the former members, and by no means talk to them. We were even encouraged to walk fast and get to the lunch hall. I felt like we were in a war and were preparing to run through machine gun fire or something.

At some point, such absurd, arrogant foolishness must come to an end. Former members are not enemies. We are vocal because we actually still care, which is a miracle itself.

To answer the seven questions, my short answer is, “No.” “No.” “No.” “No.” “No.” “No.” And “No.” Our “leader” and “shepherd” can certainly discuss, counsel, advice, instruct, persuade, and reason with the “sheep.” But it is NOT HIS JOB–NEVER WAS and NEVER WILL BE HIS JOB–to enforce the outcome or the decision, because he is not God, the LORD, the Holy Spirit, or the Trinity!

Any coercion or imposition or enforcement on the part of the “shepherd” or leader is what the rulers of the Gentiles do, which is lording over and oppression (Mt 20:25; Mk 10:42; 1 Pet 5:3), which is akin to what the devil does (Acts 19:16).

As for fb — i guess I could just ”hide” those comments but for me the bottom line is, i don’t care to have a million friends on facebook and I usually don’t like to friend people that don’t call or email me at least once a year. But again, in terms of Brian’s case — it definitely would be nice to get some dialogue going between the people who claim he is following the devil or whatever outrageous/hurtful opinion they have.

In regards to your statement above, “I realize a decade late, that this generation catches on to stuff far better than I do.
I hope that we listen to them more and more.” Any concern or suggestion the ‘sheep’ or ‘young leaders’ have often comes out as a complaint to the missionaries or the seniors ears. It seems that they don’t want to hear what younger people have to say (BTW, majority of those concerns are legitimate concerns and are what people talk about and discuss on UBFriends!). Should young people earn the respect of elders for their concerns to be taken seriously? How? Feeding sheep? Marriage by faith? Attending all conferences/retreats/events? Satisfying the shepherd’s desire for control? How?
Most young leaders I know genuinely want to follow Christ and His footsteps, however their concerns are often not taken into account because they are ‘young’ and don’t know any better! Well, some concerns are very legitimate like I said before. For example, I was asked by a leader, “Should the shepherd, chapter director, be allowed to control every aspect of my life? Is that Biblical? Who I should marry? What my major choice should be? What job I should go for to better serve campus mission? How many kids should have?” Biblical?

In reference to your question, “How should UBF respond criticism?” I honestly don’t believe that UBFriends has a negative impact on UBF or it’s members! I believe it’s a warning light! If so many bring up the same concerns over and over again, shouldn’t they at least be heard and not just brushed aside and ignored! Yes a church can and I believe will suffer from negative critics if they are striving to serve and glorify God! However, the comments, concerns, suggestions on this site are not, in my opinion, negative! They are again reasonable concerns that need to brought up and worked on–not covered up by the amount of ‘good works’ UBF does around the world!

But I also know that I am a sort of “badge of honor” for UBF people. Many UBF people probably think, “Well we must be doing something right. If someone doesn’t have critics, they aren’t doing God’s work.” So I am in a ying/yang relationship in some respects.

Such things are partly why Hebrews 13:12-14 became so real to me in 2012.

Perhaps, because of increased communication (privately and online) over the last couple of years, I think UBF has stopped using the horrible phrase “ran away,” whenever someone leaves UBF. Thank God.

My own kids rebuked me quite strongly for using “ran away” a decade ago, while I strongly defended my use of it. I realize a decade late, that this generation catches on to stuff far better than I do.

I hope that we listen to them more and more.

again not to say brian was updating everyday about bad ubf principles or people …

i can certainly believe that maybe people/older msn & shepherds have said things to those who have left UBF or criticize UBF that they are “leaving Jesus” or following satan etc, which isn’t always a fair statement.

I would hope that if brian confronted those people who said those specific things to him, they would be open to discussion/communication. But that might be an ideal situation.

And in regard to a lawsuit, I fully expect one in 2013, but the threat was rather mild. Perhaps our friend Chris can share what it feels like to received legal threats from UBF, for it actually happened to him.