“I feel like we need a deeper awareness of what a person is and the journey God takes us on into deeper wholeness”

> Yes! Awareness of our humanity. Seeking wholeness more deeply on our journey. Two things I need desperately. Sounds like you read Nouwen?

“we are all emotional people on a journey of healing and working through things… and there isn’t a point in life when this stops and then we are ready for marriage.”

> Yes again! As my wife and I wrote our personal narratives this year at our new church, we learned the value of seeing our lives holistically. Life testimony training taught us to have a black and white attitude toward our lives: In the past I was bad, but now I’m good. As we got older, it became harder and harder to keep that line between bad and good intact. The line blurred. Instead of diving our lives into neat, graduated compartments marked with bible verses, we now are awakening to see our lives as God’s creation, made new continually, transforming as a caterpillar changes into a butterfly.

> This all makes sense to me :) and welcome again. We need more deep people to comment here; people who can see beyond the superficial us v. them attitude; and especially people who can correct and challenge hereticman…

I pray that somehow what’s in my mind makes sense to others :) I tried…

The hardest part about leaving spiritual abuse is forgiving myself for letting it happen. Forgiving myself for letting my wife to be trampled on and treated little more than just a “sheep’s wife”. Forgiving myself for allowing leaders attack her and malign her while I said nothing. Forgiving myself for allowing my children to be cast aside with babysitters even 6x per week, even before my newborn was even weaned. Forgiving myself that I allowed my identity, thoughts, and conscience to be systematically rewired through thought-readjustment strategies (“testimony writing”). Forgiving myself that I treated my parents and sisters like dirt when their desires weren’t compatible with the activities of the ministry. And most of all, forgiving myself that I allowed my personal relationship with Jesus Christ to be dominated by and completely defined by a group of people and a bunch of activities. This struggle to face the facts of what I allowed and am (at least partially) responsible for is the struggle that formershep is referring to, I think.

ubf lectures are shallow. ubf is a group that lacks depth. Why? Because any “deep” person is driven away over time.

That shallowness was one of the first comments two different Christian pastors made in their own observance of ubf when I discussed things with them. (and that was before hearing all my mocking, bitter, wounded, heretical stories :)

No Ben, you didn’t communicate this. It is just what we ex-members hear. Your explanation is spot-on. I know that you know this, but I’m not sure our readers know it :)

Yes, you are “not responsible” for allowing it to happen, because you were perhaps led to believe that you should “absolutely obey” your shepherd.

Yet, you know that you had the freedom to not let that happen.

So, then I think that what formershep said is surely true, that it is a process.

It is also true that the “abusers” should “absolutely” listen, which is a fundamental sin of most people, and perhaps more so for leaders.

It is a lot “easier” to spread horizontally with “new sheep” than to go deeper by listening.

So to keep focusing on new sheep is going to create a shallow ministry without the depth of loving people deeply by listening to them.

I think on the ubf side (yes I was on the ubf side most of my life), they have to deal with admitting reality. This was most difficult for me as “Tom Cruise” and “Bagdad Brian”. I had to admit I was wrong. I was wrong about people and about my KOPHN worldview. The biggest obstacle to healing/removing anger (in my opinion) for ubf people after their sheep or friends leave is to stop “starting over” with “new sheep”. Stop. Pause and listen to what the people who left are saying. You don’t need to agree 100% with them. But just listen to their heart, let yourself feel emotion, even anger, and open your soul to God in a new way. It was so liberating for me to acknowledge the reality check of my friends’ leaving!

We need to keep in mind that all such things are part of the healing process. Yes, most who leave ubf do need a time of recovery.

A young (single) woman contacted me over the holiday break, sharing her struggles and need for counseling after leaving ubf. Rarely is leaving without trauma. This woman had jumped right into another bible training program. But she decided to quit partly because she realized she wanted to “prove to ubf” that she was still a Christian, and even a better Christian than while in ubf.

Such things need not be proven. Just be your self. Follow Christ and let the Spirit lead, heal and motivate.

If you “allowed” your shepherd to “control” your life, you are ultimately responsible for “letting” them do it to you.

I know that many shepherds/missionaries “controlled” your life, because they felt it was good and right before God. Because of their “good intentions,” some are unable to apologize or repent of their “abusive shepherding,” and so they are hurt, angry and unapologetic by their sheep leaving.

I hope I am keeping the spirit of Lenten! If not, Lord, have mercy!

Me and all my friends (the entire chapter it seems) were always on the verge of leaving. We would exhort each other though to do option #1. We felt this was God’s only option. But as my friends left one by one (over 100 people counting children), I realized there was a pattern: After marriage by faith, my friends became despondent; there seemed to be nothing for them after that.

I would say there is an option #4 (or maybe a #3b option). When you leave ubf, you have two options:

3a. Leave ubf in polite silence.

3b. Leave ubf and become vocal.

We are seeing some “new territory” being explored now because many more are taking option 3b.

As I stated before, I think all of these options have the potential to be viable. The most important factor is to make your own decision.

The teaching “You are not your own man” is a lie. You are your own man. You are your own woman.

Think for yourself. Make your own decision. I don’t see that God will care about other people’s decisions. Each person will be judged for their own work. It is tough to accept, but the reality is no matter how much someone is abused or mistreated, we are still responsible for our own actions and our own words.

1) Stay in UBF and “submit.”

2) Stay in UBF and challenge/fight.

3) Leave UBF.

* If you stay and submit out of fear of a human being, you are sinning against God (Prov 29:25), because you think that your future is in the hands of the man, rather than God.

* If you stay and fight rudely and disrespectfully you are dishonoring God. Of course, this is the hardest option, because people in your chapter or in UBF will regard you as “no good,” since you are “breaking spiritual order.”

* If you leave because you can’t take it anymore, it is quite understandable.

Why? They can’t talk to their leader/shepherd/missionary.

Why not? The leader/shepherd/missionary DOES NOT LISTEN, and mainly/only wants to tell them what to do.

O my gosh, as I was typing this, it reminded me of someone I know all too well!!!

Now it seems that single people are also beginning to voice their displeasure at our UBF leadership structure, which I might state plainly is that it is either “the leader’s way or the highway.”

The biggest complaint is that the UBF leader wants to “control” the single person’s marriage in some way. Mainly it is “no dating” until the leader says so. Or “no introduction” until the leader thinks you are “ready.”

In my opinion, this is a position that is not going to work well, even for the children of staunch UBF missionary parents.

http://www.adrianpei.com/?p=1891

Happy new year, UBFriends!

That does not mean that I think what was said about this New Years message was wrong. Concerning offense, I hope you are aware that offense is going on on both sides. Personally, I find this New Years messsage, as it is, an incredible offense to all victims of UBF spiritual abuse, and an offense to the intellect of current UBF members, for the reasons state in my comments. I know we should not pay back offense with offense. And I have not wrote my comment for that reason. I wrote because there are things that simply must be said. What the child in “the emperor’s new clothes” shouted was surely offensive for the king, but it had to be said. I remember one time when my chapter director asked a member how he like the New Year’s message of the German director. That member answered that he disliked the pronounciation and grammar and couldn’t understand much. Wow, was the boy crapped on for giving an honest answer! He was called unspiritual, disrespectful etc. I think UBF directors need to get accustomed that people tell them the truth.

I know, there are two ways of dealign with dissension, either speaking unapologetic plain text, or having patience, speaking politically correct, being unoffensive, diplomatic, sugaring the pill, etc. We have discussed this at length already, and whether this or that approach is more Biblical or more appropriate in our situation, and we are now back to that old discussion again.

I really don’t want that we go in circles, so I think let’s leave it with that. I have written what I have written, but I won’t write anything more in that direction.

Concerning your second point, it’s a different whether the UBF general director says that God is please with UBF, and whether a simple UBF member naively (and because he was indoctrinated to think so) believes doing UBF things is the best way to please God. You ask “does God not welcome the purity and sincerity of his children’s hearts?” I answer, yes, if there is really purity and sicerity. But if people do things because they have been told so, if they cover up and deny evil things, if they are not impartial, if they fear their leaders more than God, if they don’t mind if their fellow Christians are hurt and spiritually abused, then this is not so pure and sincere any more. Not everything that looks like devotion is really devotion. Sometimes even God gets fed up with this.

Amos 5:21-24

““I can’t stand your religious meetings.
I’m fed up with your conferences and conventions.
I want nothing to do with your religion projects,
your pretentious slogans and goals.
I’m sick of your fund-raising schemes,
your public relations and image making.
I’ve had all I can take of your noisy ego-music.
When was the last time you sang to me?
Do you know what I want?
I want justice—oceans of it.
I want fairness—rivers of it.
That’s what I want. That’s all I want.”

As you know UBF accountability has primarily been from the member to the leader, from the junior to the senior, from the native to the missionary, from the sheep to the shepherd.

By God’s grace, such accountability may also happen more and more in the other direction as well. When this is accepted as the norm, then UBF leaders will not become angry or take offense when they are asked questions as to why they make certain decisions, or why they write what they do in their sermons or reports.

I’ve watched leaders refuse to listen and become deeply offended when a younger disciple speaks up and expresses a different opinion. Often it leads to the disciple being laughed at, hurt, and marginalized to the extent that they have to leave (euphemistically they are “sent to other churches”). And yet, when the leaders’ children say the same thing, it’s a completely different story; they are taken seriously. It’s just human nature, I suppose. It’s easier to love your own children than to love someone else’s children. But the double standards are definitely there.

For instance, in Asian cultures, if you disagree with or critique your elder or not do what he wishes, it is regarded as sheer disrespect, and will not be perceived as love or being loving.

Perhaps, in American cultures, if you do not allow others to freely express their freedom, they will not perceive what is done for them–however well intentioned–as loving.

Yes, we absolutely need to listen. Our collective universal sin is to want–no demand–to be heard. But until one truly listens to others, all of our human relationships, including in church, will weaken and eventually be extinguished.

Yes, UBF people absolutely need to listen to their elders and leaders. But the converse must also absolutely be equally ture and non-negotiable, which is that UBF elders and leaders absolutely need to listen to their juniors (and to UBFriends, even!).

Regarding offensiveness, different people find different topics offensive. For instance, many UBF traditionalists (if I may be so bold as to use such a label) find any critique of UBF, no matter how well intentioned, highly offensive, undesirable, unnecessary and not worthy of any response or consideration.

At the other end, many who openly address and critique the issues and problems of UBF, find the silence and unwillingness to respond or to have an open dialogue by some UBF leaders, highly repulsive and offensive.

So, Jesus’ imperative and non-negotiable repeated command to love others (Jn 13:34; 15:12,17) might perhaps be our best guiding principle as to what we say, and how we say it.

Perhaps, some UBF leaders might regard those who critique UBF as “fire breathing monsters.” But regardless of how others might perceive friends of UBFriends, perhaps our language and rhetoric should not come across as us perceiving any leader in UBF as a “fire breathing monster” either, right?

I understand if some might find the phrase “God is pleased with (UBF people doing UBF things)” offensive.

Are we not all more or less agreed that many UBF people–including those who come across as being authoritarian or offensive or culturally insensitive–are sincere Christians who do want to please God?

My opinion is that many UBF people do want to please God by “fishing, carrying out 1:1 Bible studies, writing testimonies, inviting people to church and UBF conferences,” etc. Even if there may be traditional UBF elements in the way things are done, is that not their genuine desire to please God?

If so, would not God be pleased, because they do want to please God from their hearts and with their lives? I am not discounting that it may be done in ways that some ex-UBFers may not like or approve of. But does God not welcome the purity and sincerity of his children’s hearts?

Perhaps, you might reconsider using the phrase “full of lies and contradiction.” Even if this might be true, perhaps there is a less offensive way of making your point. I say this not because I disagree with you, but because the primary objective should be to promote reconciliation, rather than promote offense and accusation by the way things are being stated.

Perhaps a reason to say things in a less accusatory manner is that people do have blind spots, which I think we all acknowledge.

I have had many hours of discussion on many occasions with the general director. He is a genuine man and a gentle Christian. I do love, respect and admire him. I actually even like him as a person, even if there are things that I do not agree with, just as he also does not agree with certain things about me.

You ask many great questions about UBF leaders and directors and their function. I know many of them. I truly believe that they are sincere Christians and good God fearing people. I will even entrust the lives of my children to their hands.

But that does not negate that some UBF leadership practices are unhealthy, abusive, and border on being cult-like. Some of it can be explained in terms of culture, hierarchy and authoritarianism. All of them is explained in terms of leaders also being sinners who sin in real ways as leaders, which sometimes can be more damaging to more people, and be more hurtful, wounding and traumatic.

“God’s servants” are sinners just like you, who need the grace of Jesus just as much as you and I do, regardless of whether or not they are aware of, or able to publicly and clearly articulate what their own real sins are.

Regarding hardline older traditional UBF leaders who are determined to keep UBF tradition no matter what the cost, then so be it. As you said, the North Korean leader is not ever going to respond to NKfriends.org (that’s a good one)! But Christ is the head of the church.

Samuel Lee did say often that UBF is nothing. Maybe some of his disciples might begin to say so and believe it as well.

Thus, leaving UBF is not a good option, and the one who leaves is often “slammed” in some way. These days, some who comment about UBF are also regarded and viewed negatively, because they are “wasting time and not doing the most important work of evangelism.”

I would like to add that to truly practice unity, reconciliation is crucial, if not mandatory, even with those who have left UBF. Ignoring and not listening to those who left UBF is not in keeping with Jesus’ crucial teaching of unity.

Sorry for being so slow to read and respond to many of your good comments.

What you say is true, but you know that it is very very very difficult for many in UBF who only know UBF as the way a church operates.

Especially, some UBF people take great personal offense when you critique something a leader writes, such as his New Year message. UBF people’s feelings is that when you critique his message, you are criticizing him as a person, and criticizing the entire church of UBF.

I hope that we in UBF will learn to separate critiquing a problem or issue, from the person, so that we can address the problem, rather than taking things personally, and feel as though everyone and everything in UBF is horrible.

Maybe I am wrong, but I think it comes from a wrong understanding of the biblical phrase “Do not touch the Lord’s anointed.” So, based on a wrong application, some UBF people think it means that you cannot critique the leader’s message, his direction, his orders, his commands, his statements, etc, because by “disrespecting” him, who is the Lord’s anointed, you are dishonoring God and dishonoring God’s church under him.

What you raise about giving sermons is true. Natives listen far better to natives than they would a foreign missionary. This is not a disrespect to a “more mature, spiritual” missionary, but a simple plain fact. So, though it may be hard for some missionaries to let go of their position, the plan and direction of UBF is to move toward native leadership.

If and when this happens, then hopefully, the former missionary leader will not still act as though he is the ultimate one in charge. That will defeat the true empowering and establishment of indigenous leadership.

It is sobering to remember that some people left ubf because I refused to listen to them and they could no longer bear to stay with me as their director. Sharon and I just had lunch with one of them today. It was very good.

Nor will I say that I completely understand you, that I totally get where you are coming from, etc. because I don’t. Which is why I want to listen to you very carefully. The stories that you are telling about your experiences do sadden me very much. And I know that many others have experienced such things, because they have told me so.

I learned a cool new word last week: Interpathy. This is a necessary quality for being a good listener. It is not telling someone “I understand you” because you think you have experienced something similar. A good listener doesn’t need to have a lot of sympathy, especially if it’s not genuine. Rather, he needs interpathy, which is explained in the book I’m reading by Mary Clark Moscella (p 36):

Interpathy requires the listener to notice differences between one’s own and [the storyteller’s] cultural experience, rather than trying to collapse them into a false bond based on the idea that “We are really all the same.” Human beings do have some commonalities, but real relationships also attend to the differences, the particularities of each other’s lives. Learning to recognize and honor difference, rather than either ignoring differences or trying to rule them out, is an important dimension of becoming a genuine community.

There does come a time when staying in a community becomes so difficult and unhealthy that the only real option for some people is to leave. But God does not break fellowship with Chistians merely because they have sinful attitudes and actions. The gospel compels me to work toward reconciliation, even when it is difficult and painful.

And then in the same message “Let’s lay down our pride…”. How contradictory is that?

This speaks volumes about the state of UBF in 2013. Nothing has changed. Still the same routine of annuary self-praise paired with self-acclaimed humbleness without addressing any real issue.

Mr. Abraham Kim, have you ever wondered whether God could be actually displeased when seeing you continuing the same wrong teachings and practices and denying and ignoring the abuse of the past? Whether he really wants you to lay down your pride?

Jesus was so humble to come down to earth and speak with sinners of all kinds, like drunkards or prostitutes. Could you imagine to just be so humble to speak with us long time UBFers in this lowly blog?

Sorry for being so pessimistic. I’d like to think that UBF changed in 2012, and that it’s only the top leadership that never changes. Please, dear UBFers, stop waiting and waiting for change. Hold your leadership accountable. Don’t allow them to continue to dish you such messages. Demand change. Demand serious and honest discussion.

“Think about how God is pleased and comforted when he sees us diligently inviting students and teaching them the gospel. Our one-to-one Bible study is a very powerful tool of evangelism. Therefore most of those who studied in UBF become Christians. When Bible students leave, shepherds are sorrowful. But there are cheers of the angels in heaven on behalf of our shepherds. The Lord will say, “Well done, my faithful servants. You added many members to the family of God.” When we enter the kingdom of God, we will be surprised at so many people coming to us to say “Thank you! Thank you!” Who will they be? They are those who met Christ through UBF Bible studies and all of those who were saved through their ministries.”

If God is SO happy with UBF why would a young girl cut the words “perfect” into her arm with a knife, only to wish it hurt more? If God is SO pleased with UBF why would a young woman spend countless nights in deep depression over her time in UBF? If God has made UBF such a tool to “make Christians”, why are Christians all over the world LEAVING the ministry once they realized what Christian life is all about?

How can the General Director say such bullshit after ALL THAT JUST HAPPENED?

“If we compare the whole church to a military, we are the marines that engage in the battle at the frontlines. We diligently go to campuses to invite students, nourish them with the words of God, and send most of them to local churches, though we don’t like the last part. If we see our ministries from an investment-profit concept, we are not doing a good business. But if we see our ministries from God’s point of view, we are doing a beautiful ministry.”

UBF sends NOBOBDY to local churches! UBF directors get furious at people wanting to go to local churches. BUT when they realize the people are leaving UBF, THEN then suddenly become nice and polite and arrogantly proclaim “See how good we are! We sent you to a local church!”

It is true that so many young students end up leaving UBF and going to a local church, but they are never SENT– they can’t stand the manipulation!

And what about native leaders in UBF? What about those families who gave so much because they believed they were serving God in UBF only to find that their director cares nothing about them when they raise even a simply question about the ministry reality? Are they “sent out” too?

Well I am happy with one thing. UBF has committed themselves to being a cult. That makes it so much easier to deal with going forward. This is not what I hoped for, but it is what I expected. After all that happened in 2011 and 2012, UBF is back on course to continue on with such a “beautiful ministry” that God is so happy to bless…

UBF tends to think of the Trinity as a “spiritual order” of 1) God, 2) Son, 3) Spirit. As a result, UBF has little “real feeling” that God is equal to the Son and equal to the Spirit.

That may perhaps be a fundamental reason why we have such an “elitist,” superioristic, sanctimonious, and hierarchical perspective of life, where “somebody” has to be “above” somebody else.

I think that until and unless this begins to be addressed and changed, then such militaristic “spiritual order” mentality will continue to be perpetuated.

That said, I think that right now we might be the farthest along in that we are just beginning to address such uncomfortable topics, which makes some UBF leaders “at the top” feel as though they are being “stripped of their power and authority” and “toppled down,” which is really NOT the case at all.

So, the premise is that in the church each member (individual believer) has its unique role and position which is kind of true except that the Bible speaks about gifts and offices, not about “roles and positions” which is the Confucian/UBF thinking. But then, from that premise, he immediately jumps to the conclusion “What is our role as an organization in God’s church?” Eh? Who said there should be “sub organizations” in God’s church with special positions and roles? The premise talks about members, not organizations. Isn’t is so that if you create such sub organizations then all people in that sub organization who are considered to be “specialists” in one area, must have the same or similar gifts to be able to work in that organization? Doesn’t this actually defeat the idea of having diversity in the church which was the original premise?

For instance, he compares UBF with the “marines” (inside the church which he thinks of as the “military”). This contains two messages to the audience: First, we are the elite. Second, we have particularly harsh and brutal training methods, but this is normal, because we are the marines.

When confronting UBFers with being elitist, they will usually deny it. Also, when inviting students to Bible study, they never mention that they are inviting people to an elitist organization with harsh training methods. The difference is that recruits who join the marines know that upfront. But in UBF, it’s deception from the beginning. Only when you have been born again through Bible study, then you are slowly told the full truth that now you are part of an elitist group, and now you have to serve there until you die.

Second, he says “The major cause of conflict between members is seeing the weak side of others rather than seeing their strong side and becoming judgmental or demanding.” Well, the conflict is not so much between members, but between leaders and members and yes, it is because the leaders are exactly that: judgmental and demanding. And why are they so? Because they believe they are marine training supervisors who have to be judgmental and demanding. UBF training consists in first pointing out a weakness and then giving a training that is supposed to cure the weakness and demanding that the member follows the training. So UBF is judgmental and demanding by the very nature of their “disciple training” which is at the heart of their “spiritual heritage”. Samuel Lee himself was the greatest and first in inventing humiliating and demanding trainings. So Abraham Kim should have given him as a negative example in that regard, not as a positive one as he does. Can you imagine a Samuel Lee who is not judgmental and demanding? The real message here is that there are some members, namely the leaders, who are allowed to be judgmental or demanding, but the ordinary members should silently accept their training and not judge their training methods or demand any change or apology for their past sins.

Where Abraham Kim speaks about Korean and native leaders, he compares them with “Apostle Paul and his disciples”. The hidden message here is that the Koreans are Apostle Paul, and the natives are his disciples. The rank order is clear. By the way, since when did Paul have disciples (1Cor 3:4)? Christians should become Jesus’ disciples, not be disciple of other Christians.

Also interesting how he, when he talks about “equally precious”, immediately follows this by emphasizing the work of Samuel Lee and Sarah Barry. In that regard, UBF always reminds me of George Orwell, “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”

My question to Abraham Kim is: When mutual love and respect is so important, why have the reformers of 1976, 1984 and 2001 not be heard and have been expelled and defamed instead? In my opinion, this whole message is a hypocrisy and deception, kind of a scam or “smoke bomb” to confuse and lull the audience. UBFers have become accustomed to send and receive such ambiguous messages. But if communication from the pulpit is not honest and truthful, how can communication among members be honest? Such oblique messages only teach people to be dishonest and use nice political and diplomatic language to beat around the bush instead of speaking the plain truth.

Perhaps you are referring to a comment I made here on this blog recently:

“These are all tough questions when other UBF people are telling you what to do, and telling you to stop wasting time asking questions. It is also really tough given the fact that the UBF director says things like this in Africa: “God’s work continues through the disciples, not through the crowd. No disciple, no future.” (source) This is an outright lie. God works through both the disciples and the crowd. And there is a great future without making disciples. If it wasn’t for the crowd of people around UBF being friends to UBF, it would slip away as just another fringe cult. God works through the crowds.”
http://www.ubfriends.org/2012/12/18/what-can-ubf-do/#comment-4763

That sentence in the lecture is indeed a false statement.

Brian, I do not represent Abraham Kim, but I remember that you once wrote in your personal blog and said, Abraham Kim was a liar. Probably you meant to say that you had a different opinion from him. In America I learned the phrase,”I respectfully disagree with you”. When we have different opinion with others, still we can respect others opinion for better communication/dialogue.

http://www.ubf.org/node/1505

As I read your responses, I agree with most of your points. The truth is, this whole UBF issue is very frustrating.

I have been struggling with the idea of leaving or staying in UBF. Why do i struggle so much? If serving God in this ministry is so unhealthy, why do we struggle to leave? Its very clear that we want to leave because of all the unhealthy practices that have taken place and are still taking place. How could anyone want to stay? Its frustrating to speak with leaders and realize that “wow, they just dont get it”.Why am i still here?

Toledo UBF is going through changes, but in my opinion, we have a long ways to go before we are unified in Spirit. Some people “get it” and some people simply dont. I dont want any more changes to happen in the ministry that are born of men. Everyone has an opinion and can back it up in scripture. But instead, I want changes that are from the Holy Spirit.
These days, I am strongly encouraged by our students who simply love God and want more of Him! In Toledo there is a new student led ministry called “upper room”, it is through this ministry that I reencountered God.The interesting thing is, God seems to be using students in UBF to bring revival and change in our old and dried up ministry. Students are open, honest, and willing to listen to the Spirits voice. May God have mercy on us, and may each person in UBF experience a real breakthrough this Year!!

We stay in UBF for two reasons:

1. God wants us to stay at this time of transition( we are open to leave if he calls us to)

2. I see God working in our midst, I see the Spirit moving among us, I have hope that He will bring Revival among us!

If UBF leaders truly genuinely know and realize from their heart that they are just as proud and rebellious before God as the people they are bearing, their communication would come across with brokenness, helplessness and vulnerability, rather than with an air of elitism and superiority and sanctimony.

This to me is a major major major problem in the way the gospel is not well communicated.

I just read the General Directors’ new year message. Yes he has a better understanding of the Bible, but no he indicates no desire to communicate honestly or face the facts about UBF. That’s really it, isn’t it? UBF people just want to understand the Bible better without caring about knowing people or understanding how to have a relationship. UBF leaders just keep pilfering former members for better Christian words and never taking the initiative to build relationships honestly or openly.

In fact, the General Director promotes the default UBF stance they’ve had for 50 years, the strong and not-so-subtle implication that former members are just proud and rebellious and that UBF leaders have to suffer so much to bear such proud and rebellious people:

“The most difficult thing for us is to bear those who are proud and rebellious. The characteristic of the proud people is that they are groundlessly proud. They give deep hurts by their words and actions. This is what all mankind has done to God. How much is the holy God hurt by the evils and rebellion of people who reject their Creator?”

Here is the link if anyone wants to read the new year lecture:
http://www.ubf.org/content/2013-new-year%E2%80%99s-message-p-abraham-kim

And in case people didn’t notice, from a mental health perspective, this website is “cycling” just like UBF people do all the time. We started out with an article about communication. 3 years later we are now talking about communication once again. That is the mental health issue with UBF people. I used to do it all the time. The cycle keeps repeating because there is absolutely no communication or relationship, just a means to know the Bible better with some magical power.

One good difference with ubfriends.org however, is that the cycle took several years, as opposed to a few weeks or months. The reason for that, I think, is because there is no UBF director here to thought-stop our conversations, no UBF leader to stop the discussion and say “Let’s pray”. That is exactly how the discussions about reform stopped at the Great Lake’s Region staff meeting last year. Until this mentally unstable issue is resolved, no progress will be made in the UBF communities.

Brian, I will be very sad if you stop participating in this forum. Time permitting, I will try to post articles in the future on interesting and relevant topics. Please continue reading and commenting as God leads.

I gave many suggestions, such as:

1. Leave no family alone in the mission field and send coworkers to every lone house church in America.

2. Create a plan for 561 American campus shepherds to plant 561 UBF chapters so that each chapter is fully supported by a regional chapter.

3. Request a succession plan from every Korean director to establish American leadership as ordained pastors by the central chapter

4. Draft a collaborative UBF Constitution, UBF Core Value Statement and UBF Mission Statement.

Of course UBF must start with one thing: communication. That has not happened yet and as Chris points out correctly, that is the starting point.

In 2012, UBF leaders had hundreds of golden opportunities to really change and be transformed into a healthy community. It is not so hard.

UBF directors proved to me in 2011 and 2012 that they are fine with the way things are, and have no intention on even talking about the heritage.

Anyway, this is my last comment here for a long while. I won’t be discussing these things on this blog anymore. I’ve said my peace and I won’t engage in useless monologues that fall on deaf ears. UBF’s only option at this point is to follow the steps you take on your computer: Start>Shutdown.

For example, suppose that a General Director was ready to issue a statement to admit certain wrongdoings and ask for forgiveness. But if the statement reflected the view of only a small minority of members, it would have very little meaning or impact. Others within the organization would undermine it.

Many problems in the community are related to hierarchical, authoritarian leadership. Can leaders issue a set of rules and policies to quickly wipe those things out? I wish it were possible. But a solution to authoritarian leadership cannot be imposed in an authoritarian manner. Leaders can encourage it to happen, but they cannot make it happen.

Does anyone have any concrete suggestions for a process that would encourage it to happen?

Recognizing and preserving the good things is a good idea. But many UBFers think the good things outweigh the bad things. The problem is that in reality it’s the other way round, the bad things spoil and taint the good things and make them worthless at best. Turning 180 degree must not mean to throw everything away, it may suffice to just throw away the little yeast that spoils the whole batch of dough. But identifying and getting rid of that yeast must be done very carefully and resolutely, not half-heartedly and hesistantly.

I know people can’t “swallow” this, but in many cases that is what should happen.

Why should a 2nd gen cry out in agony night after night, writing agonizing poem after agonizing poem just to deal with the fact that her father is not around? Why should a young woman in the prime of her life need psychological counselling? Why should a young family with tremendous intellect, heart, humility and Christian conviction have to leave the ministry just to find grace and joy?

The people’s stories sent to me in December indicate to me that several chapters (who are often honored in UBF) do indeed need to do a 180 turnaround.

On one level, I agree with your assessment. But perhaps I can add a small caveat. Rather than calling it a fatal flaw that undergirds the whole history of UBF, which means that the organization needs to turn around 180 degrees and head in the opposite direction (which is very hard for many to swallow), perhaps we can think of the present state as a primitive stage of community, and we need to forge ahead with the process of building a more mature community that better understands and values the individuals within it.

If an anthropologist were to look at UBF right now, he/she might see it as a pseudo-community ready to break out into the next stage. Here is a quote from a Wikipedia article on four stages of community development.

1.Pseudocommunity: The beginning stage when people first come together. This is the stage where people try to be nice, and present what they feel are their most personable and friendly characteristics.
2.Chaos: When people move beyond the inauthenticity of pseudo-community and feel safe enough to present their “shadow” selves…
3.Emptiness: This stage moves beyond the attempts to fix, heal and convert of the chaos stage, when all people become capable of acknowledging their own woundedness and brokenness, common to us all as human beings. Out of this emptiness comes
4.True community: the process of deep respect and true listening for the needs of the other people in this community.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community

1st, “Any student who came to our worship service were made to feel as if they had a calling to our ministry. I rejected that idea completely.”

>> I, in the same way, agree with your idea! Majority of UBF leaders have this idea. They believe that when people, ‘sheep’, come to UBF they are destined to remain in UBF. That is not the case! Also, there are many subtle ways that the ‘leader’ or the ‘shepherd’ tries to keep people in UBF, such as giving them a ‘leadership’ position. If someone were to come and say that he/she believes that God has called them elsewhere, it would generally be seen as ‘running away’ from the ministry.

2nd, “I was basically told by the female missionary that it was not my place to talk to her husband about my ideas for the ministry and that he was the leader, not me.”

>> This is ridiculous! The intention of such statement is irrelevant! This authoritarian type of leadership is what causes so many to depart from UBF and go to other ministries where their opinion and ideas would at least be listened to and considered seriously! Shutting people up like that is not what a Christian ought to do! If people feel unwanted, if people feel disrespected, if people feel that they are ignored, whatever the ‘leaders’ intention, they will eventually go somewhere, where they would be respected, listened to, and welcomed! UBF is gotta learn that not all their leaders know everything and they have it all figured out! I personally don’t know everything and I’m willing to learn! The problem is not the sheep or the people, it’s the leadership!! Perhaps if the leaders allow God the Holy Spirit lead, there wont be so much of a mess to try and clean up!

So then, this is a basic problem of communication we have. People like you and I, Ben, see the very serious issues as reconciliation, unity and healing through the gospel.

But UBF leaders “on high” still see the very serious issues being this website, people talking to each other, and email communication.

People who have left UBF almost invariably have varying degrees of a broken relationship, especially with some person of authority in their respective UBF chapter, partly because the person who left is often “blamed” while the leader is given a “free pass.” This results in a major problematic issue with reconciliation, which is a key biblical teaching.

The responsible UBF leaders who are not genuinely and actively seeking reconciliation is a VERY SERIOUS issue, for a major recurrent theme of the entire Bible is about reconciliation, healing and unity through the gospel.

Reconciliation has to start with the senior older person with the “higher” authority taking the initiative to restore any broken relationship, just as God Himself took the initiative. If this does not happen, then brokenness, woundedness and a bad taste persists, which is not pleasing to God.

My hope is to continue blogging about practical real life issues as my prayer that the Spirit works in the hearts of some to begin this healing process of reconciliation.

Biblically, reconciliation is “more important” than “keep on fishing, increase 1:1 Bible studies and worship service attendants, and raise an Abraham and Sarah of faith, etc.” It is like trying to love your next door neighbor while ignoring your own bloody wounded family inflicted by you yourself.

1. Neglect of family. It is one thing to hear UBF parents come to the realization that they have neglected their children, turning over parental responsibilities to UBF shepherds. But it is entirely heartbreaking to hear the stories of UBF children, many of whom are now grown up. Shepherds are NOT parents. Shepherds have NO parental authority. People tend to leave UBF these days for the sake of their family.

2. Misunderstanding of the gospel of Jesus. Almost all UBF people reveal through words and actions that they believe the gospel to be some combination of obedience, loyalty and submission. UBF people tend to have an upside down gospel, believing they have to conform to the uniformity of their leaders and peers. Their testimonies end up being conformance based and their repentance becomes necessarily performance based. The gospel words of grace, peace, kingdom, salvation and glory are almost completely misunderstood. People tend to leave UBF these days in search of the gospel of Jesus.

3. Abuse of authority. UBF people have developed a lording-over sense of authority. They tend to look to their shepherd to make a decision, checking their actions against the backdrop of the UBF heritage. They feel that those in authority don’t listen to their concerns or questions. They are usually dismissed entirely if they raise any serious question. They feel that their talents and gifts from God are being wasted or worse their gifts are cut off by someone in UBF authority who ranks higher than they do. People tend to leave UBF these days because those in authority won’t talk honestly with them.

God bless!

Second, our relationship with the missionary family in our chapter was extremely difficult. It was so much more than a cultural or generational divide: there was a lack of respect and genuine willingness to work together as a ministry. I was basically told by the female missionary that it was not my place to talk to her husband about my ideas for the ministry and that he was the leader, not me. Also, it bothered me that our main “goals” were to establish an Abraham or Sarah of faith just so that we can “prove” to others that our ministry was special. Any student who came to our worship service were made to feel as if they had a calling to our ministry. I rejected that idea completely.

“It’s the idea that if you miss a meeting there is something spiritually wrong with you! Get this, my pastor is giving his whole staff the weekend off, so there is no worship services this weekend. He does this to give his staff a break to spend time with their families because they work hard all year. Imagine what that would look like in UBF! You would be called “family centered” and not God centered! I left UBF because of all the shocking things I read and heard. When I read these things I could not deny these things were happening even in my own chapter but in more quiet and subtle ways and I had always been part of it all! It was an eye opening revelation and quite shocking!!”

“I will have more to say in the near future. I think it is about time. I struggle sometimes with bitterness and anger about it but I am trying to see that God had a purpose for me in that environment and is using this as an opportunity for me to draw nearer to Him!”

“I was fired from UBF by Samuel Lee because I did not want to go to Paraguay as a missionary. According to him I “refused” Chicago training. About a year or two before that, one junior missionary from our chapter was sent to Chicago to receive training and didn’t return for over a year, even though he had very young children. I didn’t like that idea of hearing that you go to Chicago and don’t know when or if you would return. I was very nervous about it because I had very young children and my wife was having trouble at work. I felt I couldn’t leave her alone but I was too scared to mention anything thinking that I would be viewed as rebellious and disobedient to “God’s servant” and that God’s judgment was on me. However, when I was asked to go to Paraguay on the phone, all of a sudden, to teach English, I felt I couldn’t do it and I just hung up. Then a day or two later I was fired or let go of my full time shepherd position, the one I had for 9 years!! Then I was told to look for a job!”

“I don’t consider anyone at UBF my enemies, just to make things clear. I still pray for them by name but it is just sad and shocking about all that spiritual abuse and mis-use of authority and in very subtle ways.”

http://www.priestlynation.com/archives/703

I had to make it clear why I was leaving UBF.

Dictatorship in UBF produced uniformity. But where there is dictatorship, such power must be broken to find unity. Being outside of UBF now, I find much common ground with former members. I’ve met many people in person from Toledo, for example. All of us have our own paths now, but we agree on so much. Such unity was not possible under the directorship of UBF where we were demanded to conform every day.

A flawed understanding of the gospel of Jesus by many of us in UBF produced isolation. But where there is no gospel of Jesus, the gospel must be preached in order to build a community of believers. Yes we individually were Christians. And yes we had a certain “chi” calmness from time to time in our UBF group, we never experienced the joy and hope and peace that comes from reconciliation. The primary gospel ministry is the ministry of reconciliation–both to God and to each other. In UBF, I only communicated one-way with certain people based on our meeting structures and authority ranking. Only by leaving UBF did people start talking to each other, forming real friendships and experiencing the wonderful reconciliation from the gospel messages of grace, peace, kingdom, glory and salvation.

I’m not saying everyone should leave. Some must stay to fight for change. But those are the reasons I left UBF. I left to break the status-quo and to bring the gospel of Jesus into the Confucian fabric. I left to tear down the authority structure and facilitate worldwide, honest, group communication.

My three reasons I gave in 2011 for leaving UBF were:

Reason #1: The first reason is because staying a member of UBF in my situation means supporting single-family church-planting (called pioneering in UBF terms). My leaving is a rejection of the lone housechurch pioneering idea.

Reason #2: The second reason is because staying a member of UBF in my situation means supporting a director-style leadership model. My leaving is a rejection of the benevolent dictator leadership model.

Reason #3: The third reason is because staying a member of UBF in my situation means supporting the idea that the Holy Spirit is an energy source as well as further grieving of the Holy Spirit. My leaving is a submission to the Holy Spirit, who is the Third Person of the Triune God and an act of repentance for resisting and grieving Him.

The unfortunate thing is that once you “marry by faith” you are making the ultimate, lifelong commitment to do UBF activity. If you want to leave at some point, you then have to convince your spouse. In some cases, the only option to leave is divorce. So “marriage by faith” almost always is seen as “marriage to UBF”, even if the couple doesn’t believe that– the UBF directors do.

To stay and challenge such enslaving ideas is difficult and draining. Some did challenge things for many years, but after no change what do you do? Others challenged too strongly and were driven out of UBF. What do they do?

I’m completely on the same boat. Last yr, I thought of leaving this church because I was sick and tired of ‘authoritarian leadership’ and ‘people’s mindset about mission’ (although a number of my UBF friends already are assuming that I ‘ran away’…), but I do value the relationship with people that I developed in this church. That’s why I still officially consider myself a member of UBF.

Personally, I think it would be more fruitful, for people who feel like they should leave ubf due to the above mentioned problems, to stay in a church and challenge people in such a way that people’s mindset could gradually change. I do not see this is going to happen any time soon, but 10 yrs from now on…I see that will happen for sure.

““New sheep” may embrace such authoritarian leadership as love, care and concern when they first come to UBF. They accept it as their “new norm” in a new Christian community driven by mission.”

> This is exactly one of the ways leaders/shepherds/directors justify their behavior. If any concern is brought up by an ‘older’ leader, suddenly it is seen as a complaint, and they use the “new sheep” as their justification, “How come he/she isn’t complaining about it. See you are not mature! The problem is you!” Like you mentioned, unless someone admits they are alcoholics, they cannot take any initiative to change!

“Why do Christians keep leaving UBF after 5-10 years?”

> (This is generally how a director or senior would respond). They ‘ran away from the faith’. They are ‘immature’! They didn’t want to ‘suffer for the faith’! They were ‘immoral’! The list goes on and on!
> They ‘run away’ because they are lost, confused, bullied, spiritually abused, ignored, looked down upon, etc… There’s no way to justify such ungodly behavior! Although some do try to justify such behaviors as ‘tough love’! It’s no surprise that when you keep banging on someone’s head with a baseball bat, pushed them around, ignore whatever they say, regard their decisions as ungodly (however they come to that conclusion, I’m not sure), regard their thoughts, opinions, concerns and suggestions as illegitimate and ungodly, the members feel that they have no choice but to leave and go somewhere where they would be respected and their concerns would be taken seriously! It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out! People leave the ministry because certain directors/leader/shepherds wont get off their back. Allow the Holy Spirit to intervene in their lives instead of constantly shutting them up and controlling every aspect of their lives!

Why do Christians keep leaving UBF after 5 to 10 years?

Why do good, creative people need psychological counselling after leaving UBF?

Why does the classic UBF heritage fall apart and need to be re-started every few years?