Yes, we are still very much at the UIC BH and enjoying it in the love and grace of Jesus. Yes, we were “supposed to leave after 2.5 years” according to that fateful meeting that I described. But no one has raised this as an issue since we started WL on Jan 4, 2008.

But if someone, anyone in UBF wishes to, I would be more than glad and elated to address and answer to it, since I did agree to those terms, even if it was under severe protest and with great objection.

Richard Lovelace, in his “Dynamics of Spiritual Life” refers to this theologically as “basing your justification on your sanctification,” which will always make people tired. I hope that someday UBF may understand this.

And that could even raise the question if you were born again and saved. So you would need to work again to assure yourself you’re still under God’s grace.

“I was imprisoned in a jail of grace!”

Funny but sadly so true. Best way to express my UBF experience in one sentence.

The major theme of my Christian life for the past 10 years was, “Remember the grace of God upon your life.” Then, as I remember God’s grace, I should naturally want to sacrifice and serve to give thanks to God. So my focus was always this: How thankful am I to God? Am I showing enough appreciation for His grace? Am I forgetting His grace? Is my motive from God’s grace? If I felt tired or unhappy, it must be because I forgot God’s grace upon my life. As Ben’s recent post pointed out, who wouldn’t get burned out? I was imprisoned in a jail of grace! This misrepresentation of God’s grace shackled me and bound me to a works-righteousness crazy-train. And the only help I received was to shovel in more coal.

“However, deep down my heart, I also long for the day when not only ubf but all parts of the Body in every places will realize our imperfections, our need for each other, the importance of our unity and the Lord’s zeal to present us to Himself as unblemished bride, whom He loves even now with the same love, in spite of many dark spots in us. (Song of Songs 1:5)”

This may be the heart of Jesus who prayed in John 17.

I had not given many details about my circumstances earlier. Thanks for your article letting us know your struggle to start WL UBF, and encouraging us to speak the truth. You, Joe and others here are doing fantastic for taking your stand for truth, justice, freedom, peace, reconciliation and what not.

@AbNial. Thanks! What you describe is lovely: “I love the freedom to go after God, to study what the Spirit seems to be hinting, to have a small community of precious friends who are free to listen to God in their personal lives and are willing to help me by holding me accountable in love when they do not agree with me fully… Putting it simply, I am loving the FREEDOM and I am loving the relational dynamics with family, friends, people in my spiritual community and outside, in other churches, in many places of the globe. Needless to say, I am loving ubfriends :)”

My friend and dear brother, I believe you are describing New Testament living in the love of the Father, the grace of the Son and the indwelling of the Spirit!

However, deep down my heart, I also long for the day when not only ubf but all parts of the Body in every places will realize our imperfections, our need for each other, the importance of our unity and the Lord’s zeal to present us to Himself as unblemished bride, whom He loves even now with the same love, in spite of many dark spots in us. (Song of Songs 1:5)

“Led Zeppelin: That explains the “Dazed and Confused” nature of your comments as you “Ramble On” in your posts about the “Communication Breakdown” that seems to have occurred on your “Stairway to Heaven.” But thank God that he has shown us a “Whole Lotta Love” through Jesus Christ!”

Sorry for you non-Zeppelin fans who may not appreciate this!

Heartbreaking story. I am deeply sorry for you.

Your experience is very similar with me.

I want to tell you there are some more Korean shepherds who wanted to hear and learn about “God’s love and work of the Holy Spirit”. Eventually, some left the ubf and they were accused as a cult group.

Justices and unbiblical practice is the first mountain to UBF. The second mountain would be the works and gifts of the Holy Spirit.

AbNial, you made a good decision. I know you are really happy and satisfied.

@Joshua: “In my view there is no senior Korean willing to hold his peer accountable for the things they do. This statement is the most frustrating and maddening thing for me too. I quickly realized that, by and large, UBF leaders do not love the members of UBF OR other leaders OR themselves OR their family OR God as much as they love UBF. If they loved UBF less than any one of those things, everything would be different. Of course, this is a generalized statement. But for those who protest at me making it, I say this: PROVE ME WRONG!”

If older UBF leaders cannot exemplify what Gajanam and Joshua clearly state, is there any hope for UBF?

This statement is the most frustrating and maddening thing for me too. I quickly realized that, by and large, UBF leaders do not love the members of UBF OR other leaders OR themselves OR their family OR God as much as they love UBF. If they loved UBF less than any one of those things, everything would be different.

Of course, this is a generalized statement. But for those who protest at me making it, I say this: PROVE ME WRONG!

In my view there is no senior Korean willing to hold his peer accountable for the things they do. Rather, it is this blind support and “loyalty” to their peers rather than caring for “truth” and “justice” that frustrates me the most. This is the reason for most of the bleeding. Will some senior Korean rise up to be more “loyal” to Jesus than anything else?

In the Hitler speech you linked to, it was interesting for me to note how Hitler told the young boys “you must be peace-loving”. To say such a thing while planning a war of annihilation is the ultimate example of misleading doublespeak. Very it’s a similar doublespeak as claiming that God’s work is done through the Holy Spirit, not by special methods, and at the same time propagating these very special methods and not respecting the work of the Holy Spirit in members at all. By the way, I also remember how my chapter leader told me I should have an attitude of being the “Leitwolf” (alpha dog or literally “leading wolf”) for the young students who newly joined UBF. Did you know that the name Adolf is also derived from the word “wolf”? The references to words like “leader”, “wolf” and “absolute obedience” were always scary for me as a German, because they reminded me of what happened in German history not so long ago. There is an educational book and movie called “The Wave” that everyone should know: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICng-KRxXJ8

“How could any Christian leader turn the other way and pretend like nothing has/is happening? Don’t they realize that God is in control and this abuse has been going on for too long?” I suspect they realize these things, but they have been trained to be soldiers who deny such reality. One example is messenger training. ubf messenger training in my experience is more like preparing one of Goebbel’s propaganda speeches or one of the rally speeches to young people. As a ubf messenger, I felt more like a cheerleader, trying to convince people of our “holy soldier” identity and our need for ubf ideology.

You might think I’m being too harsh in bringing up Nazi’s… but take a look at slide 16 and the notes on slide 16 from this 2010 director’s presentation. It is rather scary to me to actually see a WWII reference in official ubf material.

Directors in ubf look to war examples, even comparing making disciples to making atomic bombs. They would salivate over the German army’s obedience and Nazi desire for “world mission.”

“16. In nature, the isotope U235 exists only 0.7% among uranium atoms. It means that an atomic bomb cannot exist in nature. To make an atomic bomb we have to use much effort and money. (Manhattan project) What % of invited sheep grows? One missionary found that of 300 students he invited, 30 emails were given, 5 students responded to emails, 3 students studied the Bible, and 1 student grew as a disciple of Jesus. 1 of 300 è 0.3% (less than U235) Gospel work is a hard job. But it is the way to make an atomic bomb. Just as the atomic bomb ended World War II, we should raise up several powerful and influential leaders in order to change our nation and entire world.”

(source: 2010 Director’s Conference Presentation Notes)

There are many people reading and listening to these comments. What I find amazing is that there are comments from all over the world. How could any Christian leader turn the other way and pretend like nothing has/is happening? Don’t they realize that God is in control and this abuse has been going on for too long? UBF leaders, do you not fear God?

As we all pray, God will intervene, He will not delay, for who can control the work of the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit is definitely working and strengthening His people to rise up.

Yes, Ezekiel 37:3-10

Here is one easy place to begin such a history: Look at the list of ubf chapters and look for any “ubf 1”, “ubf 2”, etc. Those are practically guaranteed to be the result of painful division. The ubf fantasy ideology considers dividing over disagreements as a virtue because it keeps the chi of the community. Splitting Toledo into multiple chapters was repeatedly mentioned by the seniors who visited. In fact one person suggested I help form “Toledo II”. I refused because quick division is not from the gospel Jesus preached and splitting people up doesn’t address anything.

Sometimes I wish ubfers would just wake up and smell the kimchee.

@AbNial: I love your comments about the Holy Spirit! You are spot on. I continue to be amazed at how the Spirit has spoken to so many of us in all the corners of the world, telling us nearly the exact same message!

@Joe: Your articles reminded me of a list of ubf problems sent to me by a concerned grandmother a while back. I posted her critique and questions to ubf on my blog. I couldn’t have said it better.

All this shows is that those who do this do not believe the gospel, where righteousness comes only from God and not from anything we do.

Me too!

“UBF leaders like to say among themselves that UBFriends is declining with only the same few tired commenters.”

LOL. Well here’s another comment from one of those “tired commenters”… I absolutely love the explosion of comments here!

This is something I have noticed to often be absent. Which is interesting, considering UBF talks about every other type of spirit-hard working spirit, sacrificial spirit, etc.-Why is this? I find it disconcerting that man-made rules become codified, while having a relationship with God and following the Holy Spirit becomes de-emphasized or ignored altogether.

“God bless you brother Ben. I prayed many times for God to bless UBF and I’m glad that he is using you as an answer to prayer. Sadly change seems to be so slow and painful. But you are right. Following Jesus is supposed to be joyful and bring peace. Burnout does not come from the Lord. It comes from man leaning on our own power and not the power of the Holy Spirit. I pray Eph 3:14-19 over you.”

(1) Why was the Chicago UBF leadership so reluctant to allow you to start a new WL UBF chapter?

(2) What happened with YDC?

I want to give a HOT reply, but it will probably be rated G or PG, and not PG 13 or R. I wanted to tell the truth about virtually those questions that you asked in a future article. But I will briefly try to answer it here.

1) Briefly, if they allowed me to start a new UBF chapter, then people who wanted to join me will be taken from Chicago UBF. I knew this. I declared to them repeatedly, which they did not like to hear: “If you give away, God will bless you with more than before!!!” I encouraged them to not only allow UIC to have her own chapter, but also Northwestern and Northeastern as well. But sadly, to this day, Chicago still wants to cling to NW and NE. It is like the Dead Sea when you do not “let God’s people go!” and keep holding on to them as though you own them, when you do not.

2) Very simply, I am a gospel guy, not a “UBF core values” guy, which I once was. In one sentence, I was unilaterally dismissed and replaced without discussion, because “I was not structuring YDC according to our UBF core values.” My prayer for YDC was that each person meet Christ by the work of the Spirit, and not by the forced imposition of UBF on them. Obviously, the GD and other senior UBF leaders made sure that I would not influence YDC. I thanked God for this, because clearly God wanted me to focus my efforts elsewhere, according to His leading. God is good.

I hope I kept to at least PG 13 in my response!

Thanks for your comment about my sense of humor. I am just now remembering that SL often told me that I did not have a sense of humor, even though I know that people often laugh when they hear me speak and share.

So, as my mentor, I interpreted his statement to me in that I was not really spiritual and that I was only trying to make people laugh, so as to be funny, liked and popular. For sure, there is an element of truth to this.

When I wrote this article I was simply “telling the truth.” What I wrote was not an artificial attempt to be funny. Of course, I laughed as I wrote it, because I saw God’s tender love, mercy and grace to me, even though I was like an uncontrollable madman in those days. My wife says that sometimes I still am! Joshua’s words are most fitting, for I literally felt as though “life was sucked out of me by UBF.” Of course, whenever I shared this, it was always my fault why I felt this way and never the fault of UBF.

I am not saying this to accuse anyone, or to make anyone look bad. This was the simple truth as to how I felt. Looking back, I can say that God’s was only merciful to me in spite of my sins, and in spite of UBF, even if UBF continues to insist that they “did nothing wrong.”

Indeed, the apostasy in my own life occurred when I tried to win God’s favor not through Jesus but through appeasing people and earning their approval through my own good works. My heart grew cold as I made an idol of people’s approval and commendation, and equated it to God’s approval. And my heart grew cold as I denied my humanity, suppressed my unique identity, stifled my opinions, and renounced God’s blessings in a misguided effort to show God how much I loved Him.

Thanks for the article. I guess I’m not a part of the joke, because I’m not as tickled as Sharon is. I have a few questions, though. In the spirit of honesty, openness, and transparency, I’d like to ask them. If these are better suited for a private conversation, feel free:

(1) Why was the Chicago UBF leadership so reluctant to allow you to start a new WL UBF chapter? It seems a little bit strange. I remember seeing the big poster on the wall and seeing how many 1:1s you had. I thought that you like a legend! I don’t understand the reluctance on the part of the UBF leaders. Was it because it was known that you planned on doing things differently and WL UBF wouldn’t be a typical local UBF chapter? Was it a lack-of-control thing do you think?

(2) What happened with the YDC? I know that you had some role in leading or overseeing it the first few years, but then a few years back your role with the YDC was given to a missionary, and it reverted to a more traditional UBF-style conference. The last year before that happened (was that 2008?), my wife went, and she said that it was the most refreshing and invigorating thing she had even been to. The following year, it was much more typical and (honestly) not so inspiring. I thought that the messages were rather hum-drum–and I was one of the messengers! (I guess I can’t blame anyone but myself for that!) Was the change with the YDC a part of the decision to start WL UBF?