I would not count on the control and manipulation to decrease. When such things increase, what happens? The control becomes more and more subtle, harmful, and explicit. The top layer becomes more explicit (more rules, more bureaucracy). The bottom layer becomes more subtle as the top layer rules are spun ever more cunningly to bring about conformance.

I have seen a steady increase in manipulation by ubf worldwide to accomplish their three goals: 1) honor 2) privacy 3) control.

That is why many ubf people report feeling that “everything changes but nothing changes”.

What happens when manipulation actually does decrease? You will see the things that 2 Corinthians 7:9-11 mentions. You will see widespread earnestness produced by godly grief, eagerness to clear themselves, indignation over injustices and toward the abuses. And you will see genuine, healthy fear–fear of doing the wrong thing. You will see much longing, zeal, and even punishment for things that do not promote love, grace, peace and justice. You will see the echelon eagerly taking every opportunity to prove themselves innocent, making public connections and reaching out to many former members (even participating in ubfriends :)

When manipulation decreases, you will see the Ethics Committee contact details posted publicly so everyone and anyone can contact them freely. You will see leaders stepping down, taking responsibility and an avalanche of apology letters.

And finally you will see the $13 million put towards the ministry of reconciliation. Andrew’s family is a good start. Another family has to file bankruptcy due to poor financial decisions made “for the glory of God”. And I suspect James Kim’s wife and family are first in line for restitution payments.

“Also, so far, UBF has “allowed” me and West Loop church to function autonomously.” – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2013/06/29/puppets-on-a-string/#comment-14896

This makes perfect sense Ben. You’ve become a rogue chapter. The ubf echelon won’t shut down a rogue chapter and they knowingly allow many rogue chapters.

You are different though, in that you are publicly rogue. That public element likely causes some of the friction you experience. If you weren’t public or didn’t challenge them with your ubfriends articles, your friction most likely would go away and you’d likely be welcomed a bit more warmly.

What do the ubf echelon leaders want? They want honor, privacy and control.

1. Honor. Honor the ubf heritage (include SL usually)

2. Privacy. Keep your concerns to yourself; no public contact

3. Control. Script out everything on their terms; conform students to their image

If anyone is keeping tabs, all of my effort since 2011 has been to discover and share the Christian gospel and to counteract honor, privacy and control.

But you and I know that not every ubf leader behaves like the leader of an EEC.

Also, so far, UBF has “allowed” me and West Loop church to function autonomously. There is virtually no explicit pressure to conform to or to submit to the powers that be or to the so-called “core values.” At best some have said over the last 5 years that “West Loop is not really UBF or is no longer UBF.” For some reason, whenever I hear this it simply exhilarates me!

I no longer respond to arousals of pride (you should act like a leader, and as a leader you should do this and that), or to guilt-tripping (what’s wrong with you). So for the most part this has stopped.

I believe that the “control and manipulation” will decrease (as I believe it gradually is) especially when younger UBFers decide not to cave into pressure or allow it to happen to them. This academy award winning performance might help, as long as you don’t go insane saying this classic line :D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WINDtlPXmmE

Based on some recent conversations, I think this article should be revisited from last year. Dr. Singer passed away in 2003, but her contributions to the world are incredibly helpful.

As I re-read this article, I’m thinking we need a new term. The word “cult” has been butchered and while it does accurately describe ubf, it may not be helpful.

Maybe we should use a new term, like “EEC” — Evangelical Enslavement Community — for groups that have elements of Evangelical Christianity but who hold the values of control, authority and loyalty above the Christian values of faith, hope and love.

Any thoughts? Comments?

I would add the following:

8. How to be a husband.

9. How to be a father.

10. How to have an outlet for what I’ve learned.

I have found some amazing things and feel that I could offer so much to a ministry, but there is no outlet. ubf ministry could be revolutionized with so much joy and hope and justice. But the response is either silence or forget your self or just forgive and move on or well, that’s great but how can we keep doing the ubf heritage?

I resonate with some of the things on your list. Thankfully, the Lord (almost supernaturally) led my family into a wonderful local church, which helped a lot to get the counseling, fellowship, and other needs we had met.

I would add for me:

5. Difficulty in making my own decisions. I had so much direction in UBF that I struggle now in making a large decision on my own.

6. A tendency to try and please people. Not speaking until I have discerned what I’m expected to say, not acting until I know what’s the norm, how people will react, thinking about people’s reaction more than what God’s will is.

7. Confusion over what my family’s “mission” or role is within Christ’s church and within the local church also. Before we were clearly a “house church” and “shepherd family,” but what are we now? There’s a loss of identity as a family.

1. I have less self-confidence. This is directly from the focus on my sin for 20 years.

2. I am floundering in developing a relationship with God-It was good to understand that simply doing things did nothing for my relationship with God, but it is has been hard to develop ways to bring me closer to God.

3. It has been a hindrance in my relationships with people-trust is definitely the issue here. Also, I never had time to develop healthy relationships, even with my wife and children, so this is new ground.

4. It has been hard to find a healthy church-my experiences have made me overly critical.

This is just a brief list, but I think it is important to look at the damage caused by such a system.

That’s so true. They have to check it before you present it to the congregation.If the testimony doesn’t sound good to the shepherd, they asked you to change it and they ask you to use more “spiritual terms”. Even writing a message,the messenger always had to refer to the commentaries of SL and SB. They check everything and they can even change your testimony, with the shepherd typing word by word.

may God obliterate the old way if necessary, so that we may truly grasp/live the new way

I stopped reading the director’s messages many years ago (and the daily bread books also), I just studied the Bible and looked at some commentaries for understanding difficult passages. I asked all the former ubfers in my chapter, “When did you hear a ubf message that spoke to your heart last?”. Nobody could remember such a message. And many expressed that ubf sws were a time of great struggle not to sleep during the message.

And sometimes the contradictions were so obvious that I expressed a desire to leave ubf if the director insisted. But at such moments he used to step back and “teach” me tolerance toward different opinions. “You are a leader and you should know different opinions and accept them as possible for people to have. If you do as I say you will be a grear leader one day”. I agree that people may have different opinions on many matters, but there were and are truths which I personally can’t compromise, especially the truth that God is the Creator and GOD. (I don’t want to generalize but my former director had and has really strange ideas and beliefs about God and creation and he says that they are the whole ubf absolute beliefs and that all the classic Korean commentaries approve such beliefs). I told him that I don’t care what Korean commentaries approve what. I know what God I believe in and I’d rather find a church where people believe the same God. (btw I asked some pastors through internet about the issue and they all and my church now share the same beliefs I had and have). Some people left ubf later than me and they told me the director still insists his beliefs about Gen.1 (btw I found some sentences in Kiev messages and in JR’s messages which I find as at least “strange” so maybe the whole ubf share such beliefs… I mean such sentences like, “Before its creation the earth looked like… such and such”.)

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I discovered that materials and the bible don’t really matter. As long as control and power and “spiritual order” are maintained, ubf missionaries and shepherds will normally concede to just about anything.

I suggest any ubf bible student do a little experiment to find out if there are strings attached to what your shepherd says. Keep a journal of reactions to various things. Look back and notice the contradictions your shepherd or chapter director will make. Contradictions of thought are rampant in the ubf mind, and your shepherd normally doesn’t even know it. Point out these contradictions. This will be healthy for you and your shepherd. The easiest way to do this is to keep track of points made in your Sunday lectures.

@Vitaly, “Do you have time to listen to the Lord ON YOUR OWN and follow Him ON YOUR OWN?” Good point. I found there were scheduled times to be “on your own” in ubf, such as at conferences. But I was never alone. The voices of Korean missionaries and other shepherds was always in my head, drowing out God’s voice and my voice. And after your time alone, your testimony always had to be checked by a missionary or other shepherd. This thought was always drilled into me: “You are not your own man!” Now I know that was a lie, meant to control me in order to “give glory to God”.

I remember how once I helped a missionary to translate questions from Korean into Russian. She translated the questions into Korean-Russian and I put them into true Russian. The passage was Romans 4. Rom.4:4 says, “Now to him that worketh is the reward not reckoned of grace, but of debt”. In her Korean ubf sheet the question was put, “How does a person consider his reward if he hadn’t worked and if he had worked?”. I put the question based on the verse, “How is the reward reckoned to the one who works and to the one who doesn’t work?”. Well, she insisted ABSOLUTELY. She said that she didn’t care how it is put in the Bible, she cared only how it was put in her Korean sheet, absolutely. She rebuked me and didn’t allow me to “remake” this single question. I had to “just obey”. No possibility to make a step out of the ubf system.

I told him that I was told what to do at every step in ubf and that everything was based on guilt for not doing something (perfectly and fruitfully) you were told to do. But now being 1,5 years outside of ubf I have freedom (from being very busy in ubf) and the possibility to think and to pray and to study the Bible and to do something ON MY OWN according to what holy desire God gives me to do. Now I can see what God’s calling to me is and has been, what gifts the Lord gave to serve Him and His church. Please pray for me and for my first steps in serving the Lord in a healthy church. And, brothers and sisters, who are in ubf, please try to stop being very busy, take some time to pray, to think about your life, about your calling from God, take some time to rest with God, to listen to Him, not anyone else keeping telling you what to do. Really, can you allow yourself just a day leave from ubf and not feeling guilty and not being accused of following Satan? Do you have time to listen to the Lord ON YOUR OWN and follow Him ON YOUR OWN?

“Anyone who asks a question is made to feel there is something inherently disordered about them to be questioning.”

I remember that I started ubf Bible study with Genesis. At my 4th 1:1 study I asked a question about Gen.3:15. What was the answer? – “I have been teaching the Bible for many years but I have never heard anyone asking such a question. It is a satanic question! Why are asking such questions?!”.

My wife during her first ubf Bible studies asked a question about Jesus’ geneologies in Mt and Lk. The answer was, “It is a satanic question! Only Satan asks such questions!”. Well this was our “fresh sheep” experience in ubf at the very beginning.

Heck, I was told I should marry by faith on my Korean journey…even though I was already married!

Yes, people do go to Korea for training. I am not sure, but maybe I know the story you are telling. Perhaps your friend was a second gen Korean? Maybe a non-Korean? Training almost always happens in Seoul chapters which are more strict. I am not in Seoul and (keep in mind) go to my wife’s chapter. But if I went to a chapter associated with mine in Canada I would be in Seoul for sure. Usually, the chapter where your director or shepherd went to is where you receive training. However, there are chapters which are in general training centres. So much depends on the language issue in the case of a foreigner.

In Korea UBF you are surrounded by many members all around. If she chooses to no longer have contact with other Christians (I am assuming UBFers) than maybe she felt violated while in Korea. None of us can actually say what happened there. We can only confirm that the training was regimented under a shepherd and she would have lived according to a schedule for sure. But, no one can verify her account on her behalf. Unfortunately, it is up to you to push and pursue dialogue if you have also been cut out of relations. If I have misunderstood your question let me know.

I have a question to all of you. I learned that people get send to Korea for training. I had a friend that was sent there. Then when she came back, she just changed and doesn’t talk to her (Christian) friends anymore?

At least that was my experience.

Yes, me too and many of my friends. But I knew how to play the game…just prove your loyalty and the training ends, until you have to prove yourself again next time. One of my friends didn’t learn how the play the game, so he ended up having to give a “minute by minute” account as training. Daily accounts of your activity was rather common, even just 10 years ago. I wonder if any chapter director still gets away with this one?

“We were as good as dead to everyone who once claimed to love us.”

After two years away, this hurts the most.

“If we’re interested in talking about spiritual matters with you, consider the following:

First off, you would never tell a sexual abuse survivor that the answer to all their troubles was to just get into a healthy intimate relationship. Please don’t prescribe a healthy church as ‘all we really need.’ We might want that someday, but we need a lot of space from anything that resembles our old experience.

We should never be made to feel guilty about taking a break from church. What we experience as a Sunday morning service and what you experience are two very different experiences. Where you can feel empowerment and restoration, we often feel sheer panic.

If you are compelled to tell us about Jesus, tell us first about how he hated spiritual abuse. Stick to the parts of the gospel accounts where he is all about peace and rest, and where he talks a lot about not being troubled or afraid.”

Yes indeed, and thanks for sharing this with me this week. Once I realized the strings controlling my life, I was able to then cut those strings. My puppetmaster had good intentions, but could not give up power and authority, and is obsessed with control.

This letter from the makers of the excellent movie, “Paradise Recovered” should be the opening address at the ISBC. Maybe some former member could read it instead of the scheduled indoctrination lecture…

A letter to spiritual abuse survivors

Here are some snippets:

“We all experience vulnerability in difficult emotional times. Most people find some sort of support to see them through.

Sometimes that support is healthy, and people learn to grieve, learn, and grow.

But sometimes when people are vulnerable and need answers, someone pretends to give support by exploiting the needs of hurting people, using their ‘answers’ as a recruitment tool to get people to do their bidding in the name of God.

This is what happened to us.”

“We thought we were specially called by God. We learned later that we were just a means to an end, with the end being the elevation of our leader.”

“And then we learned something about our leaders that made us question all that we built our lives upon.

We learned that there are a lot of people claiming that they are God’s exclusive one-and-only end time prophets. They all have their own franchises, and they all seem to know exactly when Jesus is coming back.

We learned that some of our leaders are sexually deviant, dishonest, emotionally abusive, gossips, false prophets, adulterers, tax evaders, murderers, thieves, and/or general conniving swindlers. We weren’t told everything up front so that we could make informed decisions to follow.

Or we simply learned that there are different rules for the leaders than for the followers. That there is this grand inequality that doesn’t seem, well, biblical.

We learned that some of our phobias have been granted to us by leaders who manipulated us into believing that the world is really a terrible, horrible place.”

Precisely.

“I am not sure if the intent was to be evil”

Correct. Their intent is not evil. Their intent (my intent in the past) was good. Good intentions that entrap people and manipulate, even for a perceived good purpose, is most dangerous. As Mark and others pointed out, that is the yeast of the Pharisees that Jesus pointed out.

From the moment you accept that first one hour one-to-one bible study, your shepherd has a very, very specific and highly intentional plan to mold you into a KOPHN shepherd/ess. I heard over and over in ubf that disciples are never born, but always made.

The goal in ubf is clearly to make a young student into a KOPHN shepherd or shepherdess, correct? That is intentional. The hope is one day someone will justify the ubf system and that God will be pleased, correct?

Those are good and well-intentioned but the system meant to produce KOPHN “products” becomes enslaving.

So I’m not saying the goal is evil, the goal is quite good-sounding and inspiring. The ugliness normally only revealed when someone challenges the system.

Because the end goal is noble-sounding, we shepherds in ubf easily justified all kinds of tactics.