I wonder if it’s possible to count, but I think I’ve written over a hundred articles over four years.

I feel this sentence sums up that odd feeling that sits in my stomach when I read some of the articles and comments. It’s related to my last comment on BK’s “Glimpse of the Gospel”. It makes me feel that if the action taken by the person is not approved by members of this board, it is not, shall I say, good enough? What is passive? Is praying passive? Is waiting on God passive? What if there is no means for professional counseling? Is it not possible that God could help the person in other ways namely by coming to him and asking for help?

I was in a difficult marriage. We had no children and I could have easily divorced. I stayed because Jesus wanted me to love, even my enemy. He wanted me to surrender myself to him and wholly trust in his sovereignty and perfect goodness. I could not get counseling, but I experienced God’s breakthrough in my heart and my husband by prayer and waiting on his answer.

The action you are looking for may not be obvious. But more people than you know are taking action in small ways and big and the small ways are not to be despised. But if you were not to see results you wanted even in your lifetime, would you look back with regret and consider your efforts wasted? I hope not because Jesus is everything we need and not a single tear is shed in vain for him.

Two more people shared their stories of abuse with me this week, from outside the US. Such stories do make a difference. They provide much needed reality checks for everyone involved and help all of us move forward in our journey.

People at ubf seem to be gaining a sense of human sorrow now. I’ve hear that sentiment numerous times lately. But like you Fiona, what I pray for and seek to find is godly sorrow that leads to repentance.

At that time I had closed my company (about 40 employees), lost a good friend, was on failed/conditional standing, lost my shepherd…

When I experienced leaders who only concerned about the rituals in UBF that make you presentable before (God) I had had enough. One more thing, by default I was not a part of the community in reality because I was not yet married. Just remembering certain ministry aspects causes me slight anger. That is why I would rather dwell on post marriage events.

There are always two sides to the story – true – but I did take initiative to play the game and quickly became disillusioned so in the chapter perspective I most likely am the one who looks bad. Anyhow, I stepped back and recreated myself. So, instead of becoming a long term victim I took action to help myself. It’s a surprise I ever got married in UBF – but that was explained in my first post.

I was raised in a strong Christian family, but I struggled with life-dominating sin problems, so the rigorous discipleship appealed to me. I believed that God would love me and I could be acceptable to Him if I grew, became self-controlled and well disciplined. I liked thinking that I was a soldier for Christ.

On the other hand, my wife did not have a Christian background, but was saved a year before university. She had never really known the Bible, and so was drawn to the serious study of Scripture and Christian living.

After the years passed, I began to realize that I don’t need all the programs in UBF to please God, and trying to win his favor by my own efforts was just sucking the life out of me. For my wife, she realized that although Bible study had initially helped her to understand how to live as a Christian, she was prevented from true healthy spirituality because of the immense spiritual and emotional pressure and abuse.

So the very things that drew us to the ministry were the things that God used to show us that UBF can’t solve our problems. Testimony writing can’t bring real healing. Only the wonderful free gift of God’s grace in Jesus Christ. So we chose to live in grace and liberty rather than depending on all sorts of religious activities as a sort of spiritual placebo.

Check out this “cute” quote: “Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” Martin Luther King, Jr

I think it is wrong to point to a person and say that he or she stays in ubf for a specific reason, because we cannot see their motives. (Not saying that Chris has done that.) Many of us cannot even discern our own motives, because we do not know ourselves very well. Honest introspection is difficult, and I have found that the ubf environment tends to discourage this kind of self-evaluation.

I’m sure there are some who have stayed for reasons that are good, noble and valid. Depending on where you are, and on what stage in life you are in, ubf may be a reasonably healthy environment. But maintaining your health, in my opinion, requires that you keep some emotional distance between yourself and the organization. Based on what I have seen, the people who invest themselves the most — the ones who have dedicated themselves fully to the organization’s ideals, to the point where it becomes a main source of their identity — are some of the unhealthiest individuals I have ever met.

Here are a couple more reasons why people stay.

Passivity: Leaving requires that you take decisive action. People who tend to be more passive, who tend to delay making major life-changing decisions, can stay for a very long time simply because of inertia.

Family ties and friendships: For those grew up in ubf, leaving would put a great deal of strain on their relationships with their parents, siblings and friends. These people understand that the community is dysfunctional and that another church would provide a healthier environment. Yet they choose to remain because of their personal commitments, just as some people choose to stay in unhappy marriages — for the sake of their children, because they made a commitment before God, because I don’t want to bring disgrace on themselves or bear the mark of divorce, etc.

Remaining in a difficult marriage is not wrong. It may be precisely what God wants you to do at a given time. But the person who does this, in my opinion, had better not do so passively. They ought to be taking decisive action to improve the relationship, for example, through professional counseling. Similarly, if someone is aware that ubf has serious problems but chooses to stay, I think they ought to be actively seeking ways to make the situation better. They owe it to themselves, to their families, to their fellow ubf members, and to God.

All of the messages among the layers of ministry point to an unfriendly unity. We emphasize church community and loyalty, but where is the community. We are too busy with these works which make us burnt out and irritable.

So, to say, “I am done….” is a necessary step when examining our sincere relationship with God. I am always going back to simple faith, but I really find worth when I contemplate God’s word about mercy and not sacrifice. It’s funny for me, because your year was 2007 – so was mine! That’s when I told my original chapter director, “No singing, no dancing, no…, no……just simple Bible study and/or Sunday worship.

It is rather difficult for me to talk about my breakdown and re-construction of self between 2005-2008. I would rather look forward with post marriage events – but – my past in UBF maybe should be more closely examined and confronted so others may understand why I say what I say.

The sermon before, titled Let Love Lead, is about that issue. The summary says this:

“Our theology should be led by love. Whenever we think and study God, we should always view God as love. This means that we don’t say God is justice and love, but rather, we say that God is love and loves through justice. In a lot of theology, God’s attributes are given equal weight to God’s love, instead of being interpreted through God’s love. Whenever we encounter a picture of God that doesn’t look loving, we need to question that picture against the love that is portrayed on Calvary.”

Don’t you think it is the elitist mindset that will eventually rob anyone of joy and contentment?

Or do some simply keep playing the “we are the cutting edge of ministry” game and become tired, burdened, irritable and ungracious?

Or is it just the disguise of (enforcement of the) Law in the name of mission, core values and gospel?

A while back, Brian asked me why I joined ubf in the first place. I never gave him a specific answer. Now I think I can explain it.

I joined ubf partly because I was seeking God and sincerely wanted to know him.

But I also joined because I picked up those implicit and explicit messages. UBF people were saying, “Because we do these things, we are better than everyone else. We’re hardcore disciples. We’re so disciplined, so sacrificial, so dedicated, so superior to those worldly people, those ordinary churchgoers, those nominal Christians, those Sunday Christians…” UBF was so good at putting on a show to make themselves look better than everyone else. For a long time, I bought into this ideology. It was what my itching ears wanted to hear. UBF became the vehicle for building up my sense of self-worth, always at the expense of others. And because our community was so insular, I was able to perpetuate the myth that we were better, because I had developed no meaningful relationships with Christians outside of UBF that would hve challenged the myth.

In short, I was a religious sociopath.

“Their standing with God depends….on their performance. And they begin to get life from judging others instead of life from God. In addition, these people become blind to their own performance issues and make everyone else’s sins greater than their own. In a world where all fall short, they convince themselves that they’ve fallen a little less short and are therefore better. Instead of serving others they condemn others.”

I hope I’m wrong but UBF tends to (implicitly) communicate that:

* those who write testimonies are better than those who don’t.
* those who attend the 2013 ISBC are better than those who don’t.
* those who “feed sheep” are better than those who don’t.
* those who “receive training” are better than those who don’t.
* those who “just obey and don’t question” are better… etc, etc.
* those who read and comment on UBFriends are worse than those who don’t.

This list is endless. Question: Is this really true??? If so, what, if anything, can be done?

I was thinking about the list of activities that you are done with: fishing, going to campus, preparing Bible study binders, …

Many of these activities are good. There is nothing in them that is inherently wrong, and much in them that is commendable When you did them at first, your life was blessed. But when you stopped doing them, you were blessed even more. That’s been my experience as well.

It seems paradoxical. If something is good, then why shouldn’t we just keep doing it over and over? How can good activities at times lead people away from God?

I was struggling to put this into words.

Then I ran across a recent sermon by Greg Boyd about “sociopathic religion.” The sermon is long (about 55 minutes) and I haven’t had time to listen to it yet. But based on the written summary, I think he nails it. Go to this page,

http://whchurch.org/sermons-media/sermon/sociopath-religion

and look at the “Extended Summary.”

Is this what you are talking about?

Also I hear condescending tones in the FB comments… for example “When it is is forced or coerced it backfires people go back to being lukewarm.”

This is a comment from FB: “Some of these things are displeship based. Rules are good they establish order. There is nothing wrong with teaching the things you listed that you will no longer teach and do. I just think wrong when its forced. Testimony writing is good , dating is a good but the idea of courtship is better. There is freedom in wanting to do the right thing for God because his will is the best will for our lives. When it is is forced or coerced it backfires people go back to being lukewarm. When testimony writing is forced it becomes mundane and it loses it intended purpose. It was a good thing when it started but it turned to legalism. We all need discipline but one person’s discipline can’t be everyone’s. I like topical bible study and chapter meomization weekly but it can became mundane and legalistic especially when I stop doing it for God. The freedom we found in Christ its being redeemed from the curse of the law. Its not man pleasing it is doing things in secret not for status but for his glory.”