To restate again, I am sorry if this comes across as if I am flaunting my happiness on others. Or that I am oblivious of some sad abusive practices regarding some marriages in UBF.

My initial and primary motivation to write this article was perhaps two-fold:

1) I was touched by my wife’s card to me, which I wanted to share with the world, because this is nothing but God’s mercy, magnanimity and marvelous grace to us.

2) I was quite shocked to notice that our West Loop pictures had over 1,000 views and countless likes on Facebook! Kudos goes to our designated photographer, Christy Peace, who captured so many moments so well of all of our couples. I was so moved and so touched when I first saw each picture and each lovely couple, who are so precious to God, for they reflect his love and grace to each of them.

Are you saying that there are no “HAPPY” UBF chapters?
If your happy and you know it…

Sorry, need sleep. ;-)

Personally, I’m glad everything went so well for you and that your chapter has changed its ways so radically. But being lucky ourselves we should not overlook the misfortune that was cast over others’ marriages by UBF leaders unnecessarily, and we should do everything that such things cannot repeat. Many sad stories of marriages in UBF exist, most of which have never been told for understandable reasons.

Sarcasm, because of indeed the apparant happiness even though tensions do occur – but that is natural anyway. It’s like your giving them the finger, while your hand is still inside your pocket. When I first commented on ubfriends we briefly discussed how the usual atmosphere in ubf chapters was not family or couple friendly. Keeping the old fashioned Korean tradition of men on one side and women on the other – separating husbands and wives. It is so funny that for a new comer into the church they have no idea who is married to whom. It is quite silly really. I understand the concern for preventing sin, but actually the prohibition on natural communication between people I would say is an even greater sin.

The light tap on the face is in regard to typical ubf marriages themselves. For example, take the ideal – “co-workers”. If we only see each other in those terms than it is quite fake and will soon cause us many problems down the road. Yes, we are co-workers in Christ, but we must also see each other as a husband and wife and as parents. If we only see each other as coworkers than our love is not really for each other, but for mission exclusively. This means that if one of us is struggling with something critical maybe the other person cannot understand or even begin to aid in restoration. The consequence is judgment from your spouse in ubf works – which is not Christianity or Jesus centered.

You suggested that I like the Westloop fb page recently. I thought those pics were amazing. I agree with Brian overall in some way, but also have no opinion, because usually we are not allowed to see intimacy between married people or between parents and children. All relationships are stifled by the straining of ubf mandates and mission. But this article just celebrates marriage – marriage that is not between two young people, but between two older people. It is may I say, their second marriage. Renewal of vows is a concept not really discussed in ubf. I do not think that many consider it as important. But actually it should be important.

So we have uncovered another great contradiction in the ubf heritage. The directors push SO hard to get you “married by faith” but they care little about actual family life. They uphold SB as such a great model of faith and yet never teach the value of a life of celibacy.

I’m not worried about such leaders however. Such shallow and superficial and flawed interpretations of the bible will be exposed and rejected by future generations. People long for deep witnesses of Jesus’ love.

But at the end of the day, God pours out his mercy and grace to us, so that only by the power and grace of God, we do not hold on to our differences or grievances, but love each other by the strength God provides (1 Pet 4:11).

Yes, I am VERY concerned with divorces or horror stories about UBFers “marriage by faith.” Recently, 4 young adults (2 pairs) in various UBF chapters who are fully committed members left UBF, because their respective shepherds were trying to dictate and control their dating and courtship. This really causes me to feel as you do–like the OT prophets.

I may be wrong but I really thought that the “dislikes” are related to mainstream UBFers who think that this article does not focus on what is of utmost importance and that is MISSION, and that this article only wants to promote “FAMILY CENTEREDNESS.” Anyway, that’s what I thought about the two dislikes so far.

And I am sorry if this came across as though I am flaunting how happy our WL families are (which I know is nothing but the grace and mercy of God).

For me, I didn’t click “like” or “dislike” on this one– I’m really glad to hear about such happy events, but I’m ambivalent about the article itself.

One possibility for the dislikes is that someone is just messing with you. But assuming the dislikes are real, a former member perspective might help.

As a former ubf leader, my gut reaction to your title is “WTF?” I’m nauseated whenever I hear of such wonderful, happy stories in ubf. It really has nothing to do with you or the other couples. In no way do I want ubf people to be depressed all the time. What disturbs me as a former members is the absence of concern for the painful divorces. I know you care much about such things, Ben, but your article supports the notion that there are no problems with ubf marriages. It is not fair to portray that onto you or your article, but since there is not a single source of real care or concern about the divorces from ubf leaders, we former members tend to feel put off by your article.

Another perspective, as a former member, is that we may experience extreme sadness over hearing about such a happy event as renewing vows. We wonder, why couldn’t that have been done during our time in ubf? Why were we rebuked for having Christmas trees or holding similar celebrations? Why were we not allowed to have such happy events? Let’s face reality Ben, your chapter of ubf is only a “happy ubf chapter” because your repented, and you encouraged all your chapter members and leaders to also repent of the elitist, 12 point heritage system activities and attitudes that plague almost every other ubf chapter.

Maybe this gives some insight into a former members’ perspective and why someone might click “dislike”. That “dislike” button might be the only means for a former member to vent frustration over the ubf self-glory and self-praise that I know you yourself hate.

It is interesting that so far one person checked dislike for this article. Any speculations as to why someone might dislike this post?

This is awesome news. I’m glad to see such a thing happening. And because I’ve visited West Loop Church a few times, I can attest that you are a happy church!