As you correctly point out, loving God and loving others does go hand in hand. At some point in our lives, we may need the focus of exploring our love for and from our Lord who is living. At other points in our lives we may need to drop the God-speak and just love and be loved by the people around us.

Either way, surely it is true that neglecting people in the name of “giving glory to God” is wrong (John 9). This all speaks to the question: What does it look like to live as a citizen of the kingdom of God?

KOPAHN theology taught me to put “God” first at the expense of family and friends and neighbors and enemies. But I find the Christian teachings to be just the opposite, in spite of any denominational differences. The core Christian teachings about living in the kingdom of God is always about loving your family and being family centered, and submitting to the Lordship of Jesus (who is alive).

Our church is doing the “Kingdom Man” series for 6 weeks. I am still outside the gates, so I feel no motivation to join (I’ve not yet recovered from KOPAHN enough to take on some Tony Evans teaching :) But a big emphasis is to step up and be a father and a husband. In short, God’s mission is you and your family.

The only thing I wanted to say about my dad is that there is no doubt that he loves my mother. I’m not trying to say my dad is the best of the best and faultless. But this is the characteristic I appreciate most. My parents enjoy each others’ company immensely and are each other’s best friend. Like, you said, “The best way for a Father to love his children, is for him to love their mother.” My Dad, being an Asian Father, is not the most verbally expressive (though he does say, “I love you” much more now;)) but he puts his wife and children first in everything, in work, in ministry, in leisure time. I am very thankful for him and I pray for the men of this generation to grow as good fathers because that’s what changes society and the world, healthy families and God of course.

“he wrestled and bound me tightly so that I could not extricate myself from him. He released me only when I started crying loudly.”

“He never ever hurt or wounded me… Being Asian, he never said he loved me, and I also never told my dad that I loved him. But I never ever questioned his love for me.”

But a few exceptions:
“He took me weekly to watch movies,” even R-rated ones and he would cover my eyes at the scenes I shouldn’t see (yikes!).

“He bought me many…” slurpees from 7-Eleven, but he questioned my mom buying us so many toys for Christmas.

“He loved my mom,” although at times I wondered if he really did since they always seemed to be making each other upset. I still get bothered when they argue. It makes me tense and I don’t like being around it. But I know deep down they love each other in their own special way that I may never really understand…

“He worked hard,” although he didn’t like his actual profession as a medical doctor and repeatedly got himself fired. But he always worked hard at ministry-related things, and I know he liked the books side of medicine because I have many memories of him sitting at the table with a huge medical text, reading and underlining it so that he could learn new things. I’ve inherited this love for learning from you, dad.

Yours was Chinese mine African, yours was not sure of his beloved son marrying a foreign woman, mine didn’t want his son even marrying from a different tribe, even though we were both Kenyan (my dad loved my choice , my wife dearly).

As first born he loved me (to death) but never even once told me so. I didn’t have to tell him I loved him either; that would have been unafrican. But it was granted through actions and quiet innuendos.

My father succumbed to prostrate cancer at the age of 86 after I relentlessly helped him fight it through modern medicine and highly qualified doctors like you. The man though small in stature yet commands a great deal of respect because people trusted him for his integrity, love for all people, dedication in serving others and his God without reservation even as a pastor (later in life).

Because I was not there during my dad’s last years and battle with the disease that finally took his life, I am constantly sad when I think about him. The sooner the Lord takes that from me the better.

Yes I miss my dad. But I am reminded I am next and hence I should continue to hope in the Lord Jesus and not in the memory of my dad as great as that is. God gave me a special dad he belonged to him and so do I. The judge of the whole world is able to do justice and dispense grace without making mistakes. I praise God and the Lord Jesus as the greatest Father I ever had and for all They mean to me. Amen.

Anyone who read my first book knows this but I’ll share it anyway. Your story about your Dad, Ben, is very eerily similar to my story.

And I just have to say THANK GOD that I can enjoy another guilt-free Father’s day without all the peer pressure and guilt-tripping to honor Korean ubf missionaries as my spiritual father…. I hated Father’s day for so many years because we shepherds were supposed to send Father’s day cards to our spiritual fathers. ugh.