He emphasized that this generation will NOT respect you until they see that you respect them.

One way to show respect for people IS to hold high standards. I have had a number of students who were “typical underachievers” really turn around in my classes and work hard, even thanking me for a C (I’m tough). But I think they also saw that respect from authority is not just a bonus or favor. I really think it’s good to believe people are capable of a lot and challenge them to that level (see Stand and Deliver, a great movie).

The reason why we face so much of this bad attitude in students in America is because they have been surrounded by corrupt people who try to act like respectful authority figures. When people smell that in our church, they will run, I promise you.

So yeah, I agree with your points. Authority is real and can help people, but it must be accountable and must earn the respect of those in the organization, as well.

However, just with respect, this accountability was a one-way street. Leaders never allowed to be held accountable for their actions themselves. Before 2003 or so, there was not even financial accountability (one of the complaints of the reform movement). All money went up to the national and international headquarters, every chapter needed to give account about the collected offerings and number of 1:1s and Sunday service attendants, but the headquarters never gave account on how much money the received, how it was used exactly, and how the membership numbers exactly developed. They just claimed to be shepherds and authorities who had to be obeyed, just because they seemed to read and follow the Bible so diligently and prayed so much in public and they were the ones who fished and converted you. They believed this gave them the right to do just anything, now people owed them and had not rights to complain or hold them accountable.

Also, I want to stress that these problems even appeared when you had no sheep at all. There were several missionaries in our chapter who never found any sheep, for various reasons, e.g. they were too introvert and shy or depressive, never really learned speaking our language, were too busy with earning their living and feeding the family. Still, they were required to attend all these meetings, and feel very bad and guilty because they always had to promise to find a sheep, but it never happened, or they soon “ran away”. These Korean members, often naive and with little self-esteem, but very kind and good-hearted, were also abused by the system. As Brian once said, they “married” the UBF campus mission system, but it was a very unlucky marriage. Every now and then they had to pretend they were so happy anyway, because of Jesus, but in reality I saw clearly how sad they became over time, and how lethargic, dulled and indifferent they became over time. In staff meetings they just sat there and spoke only the bare minimum that was required of them. All the vision and enthusiasm and passion had been sucked out of them over the years.

Teacher: But to get respect you have to give it.
Student: Bullshit.
Teacher: What?
Student: Why should I give you my respect to you? Because you’re a teacher? I don’t know you. How do I know you’re not a liar standing up there. How do I know you’re not a bad person standing up there? I’m not just gonna give you my respect because you’re called a teacher.
Student 2: White people wanting their respect like it’s for free.

I agree with this, and it reminded me of the message at ISBC that stressed the SHOW part in “show and tell”. Everyone wants to do the tell part, but no one wants to do the unconditional love part. People want to boss me around, but they don’t want to be there for me when I screw up, or take partial blame for my mistakes. It’s interesting how the teacher says, “If you want respect you have to give it.” But she doesn’t use that principle for herself. She expects her students to give her respect, but doesn’t understand that she has to give them respect too. (Later she does, however.)

I think this is why when Jesus called the disciples, he called them to be with him. In this way his disciples could know him and JC could earn their respect.

Here’s another related quote I like, “For healing, proximity is required. Preaching alone does not fully demonstrate the kingdom- it must be accompanied by immersion in people’s lives, by touching them like Jesus did”- Paco Amador.

Here is my first thought. The common sense you speak of is only common in the West. In the West it is commonly understood that respect is given when earned. Any missionary to the West needs to understand this absolutely.

However, in the East, common sense is very different. In the East it is commonly understood that respect is due based on position. If you are a child, you give respect to your parents because they are your parents.

I read the bible speaking of respect in a kind of mixture of East and West, and for an entirely different reason.

Respect is to be won and is related somehow to pleasing God (such as in 1 Thessalonians 4:1-12) which is similar to the Western concept of earning respect, but different and better. Such respect has an element of the East too, in that we are motivated partly due to the Lordship of Jesus.

Earning respect puts the onus on the other person, which can often be unfair and lead to manipulation. Demanding respect due to position also puts the onus on the other person, which can often lead to superficial and abusive relationships.

Winning respect puts the onus on me however. As a Christ follower, I am to learn how to win or gain the respect of others, not demand others to earn my respect.

In my opinion, until this is addressed and corrected UBF will continue to have discordant disconnect, poor conflict resolution, an undertow of mistrust and suboptimal friendships, relationships and intimacy with their own members, especially with subordinates.