– Recall what ubf shepherds would say about the passage. Think about the opposite of whatever ubf would say, and reject those thoughts.

– Take several days to recover from PTSD reactions to remembering 15,000 hours sitting on folding chairs mindlessly struggling to fit Confucian values into the bible text as my sould wondered aimlessly through a dark fog of confusion.

– Clear my mind and quiet my sould by thinking about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Remind myself of the explicit themes of freedom, forgiveness, fulfillment. Read the bible passages containing the 5 explicit gospel messages: grace, peace, glory, kingdom and salvation!

– Read commentaries, sermons, esp. Spurgeon and N.T.Wright. I only trust those two Christian teachers at the moment.

– Blog out my anger and frustration over being duped by ubf heritage slogans and missing out on the joy and power of the Christian gospel for so long.

– Read the bible text in The Message and the ESV.

– Listen for the promptings of the Holy Spirit and discern my “next step” from Jesus’ voice, listening for what He wants to speak to me.

“Brian, I was struck by your statement that you decided to “trust” N.T. Wright. That’s an interesting way to put it, but it’s very accurate. Whenever we decide to read someone’s work and take it seriously, we are entering into a relationship of trust with the person who wrote it. This doesn’t mean that you accept everything he writes as 100% true. (Wright himself wouldn’t want you to do that.) It means that you are going to suspend skepticism and allow yourself to be mentored by him for a while as you try to understand Scripture.”

I hope this helps give some clarity around my relationship with ubf people and what I’ve done the past 3 years.

Trust, at the core, is a decision. Regardless of any good thing I or anyone else experiences at ubf, I have decided not to trust ubf material for my guide to the bible or to Christian life. I have also decided to stop trusting anyone in ubf authority. And I stopped trusting my personal shepherd. Trust was broken by him and by the ubf authorities. And therefore I choose not to trust them with so much of my life.

So these things stand out from your words Joe, that I agree with fully:

– Trust does not mean “no disagreement”.
– Trust is not something we can demand from other people.
– Trust is not permanent, but fluctuates.

I am finding people who are trustworthy know all these things.

Something that is so so deeply rooted and culturally enshrined as sacred and non-negotiable is likely causing many churches and institutions (Westminster) to become unglued and less reputable or disreputable, while adamantly insisting and denying that they have done anything wrong.

The inability to be honest (which is so plainly evident to so many) will simply cause their eventual demise. This is one of my points from my sermon yesterday on the kingdom and the church: http://westloop-church.org/index.php/messages/new-testament/33-ephesians-messages/372-the-kingdom-and-the-church-is-hot

Yes, I am willing to forgive anything and everything. I am trying my best not to hold any grudges. But even if I forgive them, I cannot take any of their words or teachings or materials seriously until they actually DO something to win back the trust of the countless people they have hurt and dissed.

For reasons you stated, it has become harder if not impossible for me to read and listen to various pastors that I once did because of a few outrageous statements and decisions that they have made.

Unfortunately, some ubf leaders do not seem to understand this. Some of them seem unwilling to take responsibility and to be accountable for things that they have said and done that were hurtful, dismissive, diminishing and abusive toward their own members. I believe that Christians are more than willing to forgive them. But it is hard to embrace and especially trust those who do not seem to want to come clean and simply and humbly acknowledge that they have made mistakes, which we all do.

“When I read N.T. Wright, I hear the voice of a good person. When I read ubf material, I cannot hear the voices of good people. Is that my fault?” I would say that it is not your fault. But I think I also know what ubf insiders would say, because in my opinion they have often failed or refused to see or try to understand positions and perspectives other than from their own box and bubble.

Meaningful engagement with Scripture together with an individual or a community depends upon a relationship of trust. Once that trust has been broken, it becomes impossible to continue. That’s why, for the last few years, I’ve found it very difficult to glean anything of value from ubf messages or Bible study materials. Even if there were something of value in there, it would be very hard for me to see it. Now, whenever I see ubf material, all I can think of is the leaders’ bad decisions, broken promises, political maneuvering, duplicity, hardness of heart, and above all else, their compulsive and irrational need to save face and maintain their own false sense of honor.

When I read N.T. Wright, I hear the voice of a good person. When I read ubf material, I cannot hear the voices of good people. Is that my fault?

It is possible to try out all kinds of practices, but keep the same poor attitudes. We might, for example, read all kinds of commentaries and books, but read them with an attitude of seeking affirmation for our pre-conceived ideas. And thus the attitude prevents or allows challenges to our thinking.

What I appreciate most about you Ben, is your attitude change. Practices seem to change in cycles. George Koch shared a great story in our cohort class. The pattern he observed many times at Oracle was that young people come into the business challenging the central authority saying “we need local freedom!”. Then they get older and new young people come into the business. They challenge the local freedom ideas and say “we need a central authority!”.

He pointed out that change in practice doesn’t really equate to growth and edification. It is our attitude and conscience and emotions that need to grow and mature in the midst of the cycles of life. The real danger is an unchanging attitude that is too rigid to adapt to the Spirit’s leading.

Today, I do virtually the exact opposite. I read tons of stuff: commentaries, sermons, blogs, etc., on a particular text first. And then based on what I have read, I come up with my outline or bullet points, or sermon, etc.

I’ve read that different pastors adopt both approaches. To those who care to listen, I would like to encourage UBFers to seriously consider the 2nd approach, rather than sticking only or primarily to the 1st approach, and regarding the 2nd approach as “not really studying the Bible.”

I believe and have experienced that the Holy Spirit can work with both approaches.