Expediency and those in power who love to be in control always seem to have the upper hand. Truth, facts and the stark reality seem to matter little. Even Jesus was victim to such power mongering (Jn 11:50).

Your stories here are all too common. I am highly edified to see that you realize such things!

Just one quick comment about the R-Group:

““R-Group” (as if the word “reform” is a bad word only), – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/01/03/why-ubf-should-read-brians-books-and-know-his-story-well/#comment-16199

Just to be clear, the “R” has dual meaning, just as most words at ubf do. “R” means reform group as you said. But “R” typcially means rebel group among ubf leaders. As a leader myself, we always used the word rebel, not reform.

THANK YOU for sharing! Feel free to submit an article or two if you want. We have some really great articles in the pipeline from DavidW as well. So it looks like we have some good food for thought in the new year.

So let’s do something about the problems we see.

I have had one goal the past 4 years, everything else I made up along the way. Yes I have shared many sub-goals and done all kinds of things, but here is the one and only goal that has been of utmost importance to me the entire time before, during and after my resignation from ubf: Bring ubf into the light.

I share some thoughts on this recently, Have we loved the light?

Here are some concrete actions I have taken to come into the light:

1. I first contacted 2 news agencies, telling them my story. But they weren’t really interested. I had to repent my mindset after this. If I am to follow Christ, I learned that I really should not be pursuing legal or political means. This isn’t the best way. (Some people may have problems and circumstances that require such involvement but I don’t)

2. I write my books. I became an author. Even though ubf wrote me out of their story the day I resigned, I decided to never write ubf out of my story. Like it or not, ubf is stuck with me.

3. I blogged it out. If you are reading this then you know what I mean.

4. I joined cohort groups. I am so excited to start my 3rd cohort group. Yes, all the people in the group know my story and know about ubf. Soon I will be in Washington DC, sharing my story about my faith and LGBTQA advocacy with national attention. I will not forget to share my story about ubf.

5. I visited ubf people. Sure I left ubf, but I did not abandon ubf. I had dinner with ATK in Chicago. I worshipped with Westloopers and built new friendships with Joe, Ben, Forests, and numerous others.

6. I became an exit counselor. I had to get a safe distance away from ubf, process my own story and reconnect with my own wife and family. But then I found that about once a month someone at ubf would contact me for help and advice. I tried to avoid giving advice. Instead I shared my story, pointed them to my books and gave them space to make their own decision. In 2015, might we have more people who are out of ubf, at a safe distance, and yet still in the conversation?

Refusing to face the facts and the obvious glaring stark reality as well as censorship of truths that you disagree with or dislike is the surest sign of being driven by one’s ego and the guaranteed way to live in delusion and self-deception. It is also the way to never correct oneself, improve, make progress, or truly change for the betterment of our progeny and descendents.

“It’s so obvious how former members are completely erased from history and all they have experienced and had to say. It’s appalling that people like Brian who gave so much to UBF are demonized and erased from UBF history. Their stories matter to all, both in and out of UBF. For one, UBF has shown that ignoring such stories has lead to repeating the same abuses decade after decade.” – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/01/03/why-ubf-should-read-brians-books-and-know-his-story-well/#comment-16184

I went along with the mainstream for a long time to ignore reading the stories of former members, always lumped together as “R-Group” (as if the word “reform” is a bad word only), and always associated with the work of Satan. I’m sorry to all former members for doing so for so long. I’m glad that in 2014 I had a chance to read Brian’s many of other former members’ stories and come to terms with what I had been supporting, encouraging, and even doing myself in terms of harming others in the name of serving them at Jesus’ command in UBF. I brought this up in my former chapter, how such stories are ignored, only to find that I became one of them and it’s business as usual after my departure. I hadn’t thought about it till it happened. It was shocking to find that some senior staff members don’t know about the reported abuses in other chapters, and yet continue to encourage members to pray for those very chapters with huge conferences and many SWS attendants.

decades of priest abuse came to light not thru voluntary repentance but thru public exposure, at quite a cost

universities have become increasingly damaging to sincere young students whether it be extensive history of rape, illegal/damaging imposition of alcohol, hazing & hazarding, etc

so yes systemic corruption will be continually exposed & brian’s story is illustrative of the good/bad of faith & practice in religion which impacts every area of life for a long time; those who can not sense it or are resistant to admit or do it ought to avail themselves of example stories to guide corrective action & avoid future travesties

I’m afraid if they don’t only natural demise can continually ensue; the troubled are often the healthy on way to better while the untroubled are often the unhealthy on way to worse….
HALLELUJAH!!!!!

My paperback copy arrived and the cover turned out excellent.

Amazon posted the Kindle edition links:

The Lambhearted Lion – Kindle

Now on to my 5th book…

The bigger issue this speaks to is one of corporate identity. The ubf echelon needs to decide who they are.. a campus ministry? a children’s ministry? a church? a parachurch? a network?

Trying to serve all age groups and all kinds of ministry with the exact same program means you end up focusing only on what you love (freshmen in this case) and using everyone else as resources for what you love. Everyone who is not a freshman student at ubf becomes Soylent Green.

Until this corporate identity and vision are made clear, ubf will continue to earn the cult label and stumble onward like a blind goat wearing a cone of silence, all the while thinking their empire-building KOPAHN ideology is creating utopia here on earth.

“Loving fresh new Bible students and disparaging long-standing UBF members like Brian and countless others is like a husband feeling excited about his new younger lover, because his old wife no longer meets his standards.”

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

I think there are many former leader stories to listen to and process. I highly recommend hearing what Isabelle has to say in her book “I Choose“.

Her book description matches my purpose very well: “I wrote this book to explain how easily someone can get trapped in a controlling group or relationship. This book is not about religion, it is about the organizational structure and emotional manipulation. It is about finding yourself after losing yourself.”