Yes, JL is excellent at coworking with all different kinds of people, as long as there are no disagreements. If there are, he will avoid dealing with them until the relationship gets so strained that someone has to leave. His own chapter split a couple of years later. Of course, they called it “pioneering.” But it was a split. Now there are two UBF chapters, located only a few blocks apart, both trying to “pioneer” the University of Maryland.

Yes, he is present and faithful. My feeling now is rather that I’m leaving a small camp and entering into the greater body of Christ. It brings joys of freedom and excitement.

Self-proclaimed “Bible teachers” and “shepherds” approach people and some of them agree to meet with them. They say that God sent them to you and made them your leader. The complexity of such a relationship needs to be seriously considered in discussions, especially since the teachings of the Bible teachers so often intertwine trusting God with trusting them. Yet when a person speaks up/out they are accused of ultimately trusting in people rather than God and by this “reason” write off concerns. It then becomes all too convenient to justify recruiting and controlling people and later disregarding them.

I believe that your stories are being heard. Though you may have experienced some people turning a deaf ear to you, I believe that more and more people are hearing you loud and clear. I also believe that like the Israelites crying out to God in Egypt, your voices are also reaching the very heights of heaven.

Thanks so much!

This has been the blessing of UBFriends.org: knowing that you are not alone in your struggles and in the sharing of those struggles, you can grow together in faith and in love. Yes, I believe that even in all the “complaining fellowship” we can grow in love.

“Learning to separating God and what people do has been helpful to me. My own understanding at this point is simply that there are people who do what is not good. But what they do does not change God and what he has done and is doing in and through Jesus.”

Charles, I agree with Brian when he said that this is a sign of a healthy mind and also a maturing mind. I would say that in my naivete, I believed that God was working in each one of us as the body of Christ to carry out His will on earth. Therefore, each one in the body would be doing his/her best to live in the presence of God and do what was right. I would have told you that I wasn’t necessarily pouring my trust in them, but I was trusting the work of God in them.

Several years ago when it became very apparent that North American UBF ministry was not doing well, Joe Schafer was willing to raise some questions to a number of UBF members who answered honestly and sincerely. Being one of those people who contributed to this questionnaire, it felt good to share my struggles and concerns openly. Joe was able to present these questions and the answers to UBF senior staff not to “cause trouble” but to truthfully examine the state of our ministry and its members. The response was one that I would never have expected from the body of Christ. This report was met with doubt, scorn even, because it was just bringing up faults in the ministry which could NEVER be discussed. And Joe was quoted Phil 2 and told to “put the interests of others above his own interests.” JOE WAS SPEAKING FOR ME and for a number of other UBF members in North America. The Body of Christ let me down.

Since then, many reports of abuse have come out in the UBF ministry, numerous families have left, and yet, they press on as if nothing is wrong. This is how I KNOW that in my thinking, separating God from UBF ministry is the right thing.

For awhile now I have rested in the words, “Be still and know that I am God.” When I fall into feelings of fear or doubt, God reminds me of His presence and love. The best word that I can use to describe my life right now is in “exile”. Yes, alone, but not alone because God is present and He is faithful.

“Learning to separating God and what people do has been helpful to me. – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/02/24/ubf-and-dialogue-what-joe-charles-and-pope-francis-say/#comment-16745

I had to do the same thing. One key problem of ubf KOPAHN theology is that you cannot distinguish between “God” and “ubf”. Even the General Director (GD) becomes the GoD.

Yes, we all have to deal with the effects of guilt-tripping.

Here are two verses that liberated my mind from the guilt ubf shepherds burdened me with. In their mind, the ubf shepherd’s job is to convict other “sheep” of guilt for their sin. Then they spew words of flattery and have a hard time speaking an honest word.

I ask, whose job is it to convict? The bible is rather clear:

1. It is the Lord who convicts: “Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about them: “See, the Lord is coming with thousands upon thousands of his holy ones 15 to judge everyone, and to convict all of them of all the ungodly acts they have committed in their ungodliness, and of all the defiant words ungodly sinners have spoken against him.” These people are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage.” –Jude 1:14-16 ESV

2. It is the Holy Spirit who convicts:

“Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no longer; concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.” –John 16:7-10 ESV

This is a question my wife and I discuss often. At times I wish that the last 15 years didn’t happen. Having to start over, including in my relationship with and understanding of the person of God, of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, is not easy to deal with. Though, more and more it is becoming exciting for other reasons, as I learn newly of God.

Learning to separating God and what people do has been helpful to me. My own understanding at this point is simply that there are people who do what is not good. But what they do does not change God and what he has done and is doing in and through Jesus. Talking about and understanding what has happened in the past and my relationships with the ministry, off and on this website too, has been very helpful. Reading new materials from other Christians and ministries has been helpful. Reading through Kings, Chronicles and Jeremiah (and some minor prophets, like Amos and Hosea) in view of the sufferings, death, and resurrection of Jesus and the response of the apostles to the persecution in the book of Acts helped to shape this. God didn’t fail the people with bad kings who did bad things. But still there were bad kings who failed the people, some even in the name of God.

1. Someone asked me if, basically, if he was at fault on his part for being “naive” having trusted and followed leaders because he found in Scripture it says to do so (Hebrews 13:17). I think it can be dangerous to push this kind of perspective because it can lead to victim blaming (this is in light of systematic teaches and practices that encourage abuse) and takes the focus away from basic respect and accountability due from and of leaders.

2. An older missionary could not understand my push to let go and let “native leaders” take care of matters. He said that he is waiting for God’s direction to do so. However, this waiting comes at the expense of ignoring the very people he had been charged to take care of. My emphasis to him was to understand the nature of the present relationship. Missionaries told students that God sent them to them to raise disciples and leaders. Students believed it. But when they are not allowed to lead in their own right and only see old missionaries continuing to run everything, it’s not about people lusting for power or authority, but of people being deceived. Why must the old missionary now wait for God to tell him again to let go and let locals lead? Why the disconnect in what God has said? But students also are taught that this is from God. So which is it? How very confusing and oppressive.

Ben and Brian, I’m going to remove yesterday’s OCD chitchats from the comment thread so that they don’t distract readers from the important contributions by Jennifer, MJ and HappyKitty.

Yes, knowing that the God who was with you in the best of times is the same God who is also with you in the worst of times.

Personally, I’ve experienced the closeness and presence of God in the “worst” of times. But I am definitely not seeking for or asking God to give me more “worst times”!

Jennifer I echo your question. Recently, in small group at my school I realized there were lenses/strongholds I have been viewing my life, God and the Bible through. One of the lenses was that “I am an obstacle to God’s work.” This is something a previous shepherd had said often to me. If anything in the ministry was not going well it was my fault. I was the problem that needed to be fixed.It was was very harmful emotionally and spiritually. Now, I’m trying to unlearn those self-deprecating thoughts and it’s uncomfortable because I am not used to not thinking that way. But is teaching me a lot now, that I didn’t know.

Recently, I was at a seminar and we were practicing the presence of God and remembering moments when we knew God was with us. I have many of those awe-inspiring happy moments, but I also have memories from times of spiritual abuse and I wonder where was God then? I am praying that God would teach me that he was with me there also.

I may be wrong, but imo, he was not confronted because he was doing the primary thing that matters in some ubf chapters: he is committed to staying in ubf and “following the rules.” As long as he is doing that and “keeping spiritual order,” then he’s “fine” and will be left alone.

But if you keep missing church or meetings or conferences, or raise an issue, any issue, YOU become the problem, and then anything goes… But a “committed” UBFer with wrong ideas is just fine. So no, I don’t believe they lied to you.

I hope I didn’t come across too cynically or sarcastically. Maybe it’s just later in the day and I’m tired from a long day.

When something negative is brought up what is said is that “That was a long time ago.” Or “That was in the past.” When this article and some of the issues raised my former roommate that when he had first found this website and questioned the leader about issues that were raised he was assured this was “all in the past UBF”. Now after a year and a half I can say that many of the issues here are still present, but in varying degree depending on the person and the chapter. For example, when I first decided I wanted to maybe go abroad as a missionary my mother was violently against the idea. When I told the leadership here I was told not to mention it again and leave it alone, and she would come around. And that is the attitude taken with problems around here. Don’t do anything, just wait around. This was part of the reason it was so shocking that I went and got introduced. I had told everyone A LOT that I didn’t want to be introduced. But the attitude was the same “Wait around and he will change his mind.” And when events became out of their hands they had no options to do anything.

Implicit in this “Wait around and he will change.” is that a person’s idea is wrong, and they just need to be give “God’s direction” to see the true way. It is offensive.

Furthermore when issues are brought up I see a very clear emphasis on saying one thing and doing another. And by “doing” I mean “not doing”. I had lots of people agree that the ideas of my roommate were wrong, but he was never instructed, rebuked, or even consulted. This either means that I was lied to, or that I was believed but the truth was compromised for some reason, mostly likely as a result of the political issue of opposing GD’s future son in law.

So these dialog issues are very present in 2015. Some of the other more specific issues you read about online- forced abortion, beatings, arranged marriages where people meet their partner on the day of the wedding, extreme dead dog training, etc. That stuff may be in decline, but the system and breakdown in dialog that led to it is still alive and well. We shouldn’t be surprised by this though. It takes religious groups a very very long time to change anything. I would say some of the issues in UBF have changed more quickly that some of the issues in the catholic church for instance, not to minimize or marginalize any exubf members experiences. I just mean to say that the struggle to fix issues in UBF will take a very very long time. Any small victory is a major one.

Currently I am trying to move from a paradigm of knowing all the church members well, not just my pastor. So I can share things and have dialog with everyone. This is in contrast to the “just share with you shepherd”. I think if dialog occurred with the body of the church, and not just one person we might have less issues, at the very least they would probably be different issues.

I was saddened and also angered by several comments made on the FB thread yesterday based on the pain of leaving UBF. https://www.facebook.com/ben.toh.9/posts/10153139652119490?comment_id=10153144189369490¬if_t=feed_comment#sthash.9BZiXehj.dpuf

Those who commented that UBF leaders are sinners too and that we should, “move on, people” sent an anger in me that I wanted to slap someone silly (Figuratively speaking, of course). No one knows the pain that I have felt and endured since leaving UBF. Even my husband said to me last night that he is just now beginning to understand the pain I am feeling since leaving. We have sacrificed similarly, but differently all at the same time. I wonder, can a Korean second gen or a missionary really understand the loss I feel/have felt. Second gens are born into UBF, I chose. I CHOSE based on the belief that the people that were preaching to me were trustworthy and God’s servants. However, knowing what I know about all the abusive practices of UBF, the cases of domestic and child abuse that has taken place only to be swept under the rug, and the arrogance of UBF leaders to turn their backs on those who are suffering has broken my trust. I chose this life out of trust in God but also trust in my leaders who I believed that God ordained. And they failed me. They failed me when they put their own interests above others. And I had to ask the question then, “Did God fail me? Has the last 20 years of my life been nothing but a joke?” This has been my rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions as I try to “move on”.

I want to propose thought as to how people use this popular phrase, “we all are sinners”. “We all are sinners” is used as an excuse to remain in an abusive relationship out of fear of what we might lose. I used this excuse for many years trying to justify why I remained in UBF even though my conscience screamed to get out. It is an excuse not to face truth. In other words, this phrase has become the very cloak that shields us from the True Light, Jesus, the author and healer of our lives.

Here is the translation of what this means in ubf-speak, fresh from the current Wikipedia vandalism by some ubf members:

“These accusations are of the past, and no longer relevant.”

“These facts are no longer relevant, as UBF has changed many of its ways.”

“The negative allegations are of large irrelevance today in many parts of ubf.”

“The former editor is not acquainted with current situation of ubf and reforms that occur.”

“Largely irrelevant information presently.”

Check out the hilarious and arrogant ubf defender actions on Wikipedia

One Wiki-admin said it best when he/she saw this foolish behavior: “What the hell?”

Apparently all this dialogue is hitting some nerves in ubf-fantasy-land… :)

Yes, ubf leaders, please stop using that phrase, “We are all sinners,” because I know what you mean by that.

If you meant, “Okay, I will put aside pretense, stop hiding behind my senior position and meet you at the foot of the cross as a true equal, listening carefully to what you say because in the shadow of the cross my sins may be exposed and then washed clean,” then of course, yes, that would be a beautiful thing.

But usually your meaning is this.

“You think that I am doing something wrong. Well, who gave you the right to think that? Are you God? Are you perfect? Do you know how much I have sacrificed for you unthankful people? This conversation has now ended. Go in peace, keep calm, and fuggedaboudit. P.S. Don’t forget to submit your annual chapter report and prayer topics as we march on to make America a kingdom of priests and holy nation!”

Yes, I know this is sarcastic. Call me a sarcastic sinner. But I hope you can get past my sarcasm to see the point, which is that the phrase “We are all sinners” is usually nothing more than a conversation stopper.

Please indulge me while I vent just a little more, then I will stop. I’m doing this not because I think my feelings at the moment are objective or pure or Christlike. The Psalmists often use language that is too negative, too sarcastic, too despairing, and too angry to be a model for good Christian behavior. But the Psalmists are very honest, and through their honest emotional expressions tainted by sin the voice of God may still be heard. So now I will channel my inner Psalmist.

Thus far, I have ignored the calls from headquarters to submit my annual chapter report for Penn State UBF. I apologize. My report can be viewed here.

If anyone wants to make use of a private forum for dialogue, in addition to public dialogues, we have one here:

subfix | friends, hope and healing

I hate to be a pessimist but I personally believe that this dialogue cannot and will not happen unless we can shed the excuse, “we are all sinners” which can at times be an excuse for sin against our brothers and sisters, and see each other in light of Christ.

We must, paraphrasing Pope Frances’ words above, be willing to acknowledge that people have something good to say. That is, we must entrust the work of Christ in each others’ lives, humble ourselves to be willing to acknowledge that we may be wrong, and above all, love.