Nope. But they may start soon.
So far here are some of the laws broken at ubf that were covered up and are now being exposed:
– breaking and entering (Toledo ubf)
– zoning violation (Glenn Elyn/Chicago ubf)
– molestations (NY ubf)
– drug abuse (NY ubf)
Also we have no idea what was covered up at Mexico ubf, maybe nothing but serious allegations exist.
And we have seen a long list of “bad things” covered up that do not necessarily break the law but are serious cover-ups spun into glory-stories all over ubfland:
– divorces
– abortions
– suicides
The looming darkness hanging over ubf is not these things directly but the refusal to obey laws and the intentional cover up of facts needed to make an accurate assessment of the situations.
This brings us full circle back to my two public demands that I have repeatedly made the past 4 years to all ubf members:
1. Admit the abuse. Face the facts of every situation and account for multiple perspectives. Respect the genuine self-narratives and personal boundaries of people. Take responsibility at the corporate level of the organization, not just for “glory” but for “shame” as well.
2. Release the bonds. Put an end to the shepherding ideology that burdens, enslaves and entangles people’s lives in un-ending, un-healthy, co-dependent relationship between “shepherd” and “sheep”.
]]>– TVC is releasing Ms. Hinkley from membership. Is this to be seen as the last step in church discipline that Chandler mentions during his sermon? In other words – is Ms. Hinkley still considered to be a believer and leaving with no existing sin in this particular situation?
[Chandler:] Will you forgive us where our counsel turned into control?Will you forgive us where we failed to recognize the limits and scope of our authority?
When I look at TVC’s church membership covenant, I don’t see anywhere that they stepped out of line with what that document expects. It allows elders to control – and not simply counsel – the lives of members. It also gives fairly broad limits to what elders can speak into and discipline for.
So, if Chandler is sincere about this part of the apology, I think the membership covenant needs to be rewritten. (Or better yet, just trashed).
[Chandler:] Will you forgive us where we allowed our policies and process to blind us to your pain, confusion and fears?
Notice that the policies and processes are not seen as what failed here. It was individual elders making mistakes in the execution of said policies and processes. That should be a huge red flag to anyone hearing/reading this.
People are not perfect, including elders. Chandler admits as much. So why give such imperfect elders so much room to screw up and hurt people? Overhaul these “policies and processes” so that imperfect elders are subject to checks and balances.
In Chandler’s written apology – issues before the verbal one – he was actually pretty defiant in defending the church’s doctrines and policies, and even implied that the membership covenant could become more strict (i.e. would forbid annulment in addition to divorce).
[Chandler:] Will you forgive us where we failed to recognize you as the victim and didn’t empathize with your situation?
This part sounds good, but what is the actionable solution to make sure that this doesn’t happen again? Why are church elders at TVC having such a hard time empathizing with victims? Sounds like there needs to be a serious overhaul to TVC’s elder recruitment, training, and oversight systems. Some of the things that Chandler is admitting to (on behalf of TVC leaders) are enough to disqualify someone from eldership, according to the New Testament requirements.
I think it’s also concerning that it took the threat of a media firestorm to bring all of this about. What if Ms. Hinkley hadn’t been as bold in speaking up? Where would she be now?
If Chandler is sincere, then he will understand if some people cannot yet fully accept his apology. “Repentance” in the original biblical languages carries a sense of “turning around” or “changing one’s ways.” So let’s see if Chandler is able to effect real change at TVC, or if this apology was simply a form of crisis management. – http://www.patheos.com/blogs/warrenthrockmorton/2015/06/01/matt-chandler-expresses-remorse-and-asks-forgiveness-in-sunday-sermon/
]]>It is also uncanny how these failures share so many common traits with what we have seen at ubf for decades, i.e. “every aspect of your marriage is under the authority of the elders of the church”
It is as if God is painting a picture of everything wrong at ubf on a national level in the US, without exposing ubf directly. Stunning.
]]>Your words have given me much encouragement and peace all week. This is a very good comment and demonstrates that Koreans can indeed see the issues at hand, as you point out:
“I think that many of us, especially Korean missionaries and leaders, tend to underestimate the US legal system, in parparticular when it comes to sexual crimes with minors. Even a very small incident would result in serious consequences.”
Thank you so much for sharing this! THAT is what I really really longed to hear for decades.
]]>When Karen inquired as to why her finances were any of the elders’s concern, the pastor responded, “in a marriage separation, every aspect of your marriage is under the authority of the elders of the church.”
Shortly thereafter Karen resigned from membership of TVC.
This prompted another email exchange with Pastor Younger, who denied Karen’s resignation, citing the church’s bylaws which prohibited members who were under church discipline from resigning their membership.
Karen ceased all communication with TVC after that.
In an eight-page email dated May 23, TVC updated its members about Karen and Jordan’s progress. The church leadership praised Jordan’s recovery process, calling him fully repentant, suggesting he was submitting perfectly to the church’s course of action. The update also proclaimed that, “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
However, the church did pronounce condemnation for Karen.
In that same email update, TVC chided Karen’s refusal to submit to its authority. They passive-aggressively professed their love and concern for her but woefully mourned her decision to annul her marriage. They also informed their membership that Karen was officially under “church discipline.” Which was just a nicer way of informing congregants that Karen was to be shunned, Puritan style. – http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/05/31/megachurch-stay-with-your-kiddie-porn-watching-husband-or-face-discipline.html
]]>In regard to NY ubf, I honestly am praying the next month will be just a storm cloud that passes over. I am praying for God’s mercy.
]]>Probably even when reading this, those who have chosen to “handle the matter internally without reporting it to the authorities as required by the law” likely still feel fully justified that they “did the right thing.” This is truly very sad.
]]>“Every instance of abuse, no matter how seemingly insignificant, must be reported to the authorities who are trained to handle this. It is never our place to investigate or to try to determine the severity of these kinds of actions. By not reporting these crimes, we fail both the victim and the offender. I strongly believe that if this had been reported while my brother was still a young teen and he had received intensive counseling, our family would not have been so irrevocably shattered. However, when an offender is allowed to continue in these patterns of behavior for years without any accountability or repercussions, there is nothing to stop them from continuing to abuse.”
– See more at: http://boz.religionnews.com/2015/05/28/sexually-assaulted-in-a-christian-home-a-victim-speaks/#sthash.7ayvEGKK.dpuf
]]>Who wants that to happen? No one.
This is why cases of suspected abuse need to be reported to law enforcement as soon as possible. When people think “this is not so serious” and keep quiet about it or try to deal with it in their own way, the problem only gets worse.
Churches in my town require all youth ministers and youth ministry volunteers to be trained on matters of abuse every few years, with a policy of mandatory reporting whether or not it is required by law. Mandatory reporting seems harsh. But it is the most merciful and sensible policy for everyone involved, including the perpetrator. It allows the problem to be dealt with quickly and decisively, before it gets out of hand.
If these things had been alleged in MrKim’s school, and if he knew about the allegations and failed to report them to the police immediately, he would have certainly lost his job and could be prosecuted. Failure to report when there is reasonable cause to suspect is a Class A Misdemeanor. And he could be sued by the victims.
http://www.nysmandatedreporter.org/LegalProtections.aspx
Why should Christians think this is any less serious if it happens in the context of a church rather than a school?
It is *not* the job of pastors and church leaders to conduct their own investigation to determine what happened and how serious it is before reporting to the police. They are not qualified to do so. And they have too many conflicts of interest.
]]>Here is a summary of the New York Penal Code on sex offenses.
Depending on the ages of those involved, we are talking about a Class A Misdemeanor (punishable by up to one year in prison) or Class D Felony (two to seven years in prison).
]]>That is what I am saying.
If you find anything against ubf, you are happily sharing with people so that they might have bad image of ubf.
]]>And we especially don’t know what happened after those allegations, other than the factory reopened. So indeed, I don’t know what happened after the allegations.
]]>I am thinking of inviting the 13 victims to share their side of the “nothing happened” story here on ubfriends.
]]>Duggar says incest punishable by death penalty
Not a single person is surprised that people sin. It is the covering up of sin that infuriates people.
The sins at NY ubf are not good but what is worse is the covering up of such sin. Even worse is that ubf has a history of promoting the abusers. Of course none of this was discussed at the recent KIMNET conference where ubfers were even invited to give keynote speeches. Like the Duggars, the ubf echelon is crafty enough to paint a picture-perfect ministry of apparent holiness and purity. They are merely painting dung however, so eventually the public will know the truth.
]]>Josh Duggar was investigated for multiple sex offenses — including forcible fondling — against five minors. Some of the alleged offenses investigated were felonies. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar were interview [sic] by the Springdale Police department on Dec. 12, 2006. The report says that James told police he was alerted in March, 2002 by a female minor that Josh — who turned 14-years-old that month — had been touching her breasts and genitals while she slept. This allegedly happened on multiple occasions. In 2006, Jim Bob told police that in July, 2002 Josh admitted to fondling a minor’s breasts while she slept. “James said that they disciplined (redacted, Josh) after this incident.” The family did not alert authorities.
The story continues.
But the Duggars and their supporters have very deliberately marketed them as a perfect family—or if not perfect, at least pure, and in particular, sexually pure.
And then:
…they are “pure” and “godly” because they police and condemn other people’s sexual lives. But now the public knows that this family which enforces “purity” has covered up the sexual predations—against children, even their own children— of their star son.
The Duggars haven’t shied away from “protecting” children in other contexts. As Right Wing Watch reports, last year Josh Duggar “led a successful campaign to defeat a LGBT nondiscrimination measure in Fayetteville, Arkansas, which he said jeopardized the safety of children,” and that his mother “also ran a robocall pushing for the repeal of the city’s nondiscrimination ordinance, which she warned would empower ‘child predators’ to threaten ‘the safety and innocence of a child.’”
http://religiondispatches.org/josh-duggar-and-the-purity-lie/
]]>13 victims?
Most of them don’t consider it as serious matter as police report and they didn’t even rember it happened. Some of the cases, church leaders handled it accordingly and the level was not as to report to the police. One girl is having help from professional.
Now, because the church doesn’t follow CM Diaz’s order, is the church in darkness and cult? They know when to report and when to warn. The leader had been thinking a lot.
The church concern about all church members. When something bad happen, it is not easy to handle. They do their best. But, one person doesn’t like the way and make all things in public regardless of the will of people involved and call the church a cult. That is not right.
The church is not the person’s own home that he can do evrything as he wants. The person needs to respect other opinions too.
Don’t ask me any more question. I don’t want to be here any more.
I am sure that our church is God loving church and people are trying to love each other.
I believe many of you also love God. But I don’t like the way you guys handle any issue here. I hope Carlos and Mary come back though it seems impossible.
I loved them and envied their talents. I remember when he rebuked our missionaries of our reluctance in serving God’s flock. But I want to say that God is not pleased with talents but with love. We are weak and lack in many things. But I don’t think that will be the problem. We can lack of talents or intelligence. But, we are gathering of God-lovers. I am amazed by many sincere and pure people who love Jesus. I respect our leader too. He is humble and struggle together and admit also his weakness. He trys to overcome his self-centeredness and make all his efforts not to hurt any soul. I have been with him 16 years and lived also under the same roof many years and saw his some short-comings too. But overall he deserves our respect.
I believe that is good enough.
I know that there will be lots of things to be criticized. Still, I believe that God loves us and be pleased with thise who love Him.
I know this long writing of my hears will be buried quickly with many criticism which I will not answer any more. I believe that I showed my heart enough.
Peace be with you all.
Carlos and Mary,
I want to say that I had many good memories with you. That is more than bad memories. I hope you are well.
I don’t know what god you serve mrkim or what kind of people you say are “godly” but this is not the Lord God who created the Heavens and the Earth. And those are not people of Christ who have the aroma of what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, alarm, longing, concern, readiness to see justice and to prove themselves to be innocent in this matter.
]]>@forests, “Trying to get between a man and his wife is a line never to be crossed” ubf shepheds cross that line ALL the time. The first thing that happened when I started being honest (I mean becoming “Satan”) was that my shepherd set up TWO meetings at my house. ONE was with me and 2 men, the other was with my wife and 2 women.
Needless to say, in my mind I said “No f***in way are we meeting like that!” On the phone, I told JP (the go between mediator at the time) to be sure and tell PH directly “There is no way in hell I would agree to a meeting like that.”
]]>You are feeling the pain of your conscience being burned by the Holy Spirit. I felt that too, many times, on the old Voy discussion forums. That is the Holy Spirit warning you to face the facts of your chapter and of your life.
Retreating into “personal bible time” or “quiet prayers” is not the answer. You cannot hide from the Holy Spirit.
Please speak to your chapter members/director (unless you are the director?) and find a way forward that does not grieve the Holy Spirit and a way forward that opens the door to healing and justice. To find the greater blessings of mercy, grace and love etc you and your chapter will necessarily need to pass through the valley of darkness. It will be painful. But if you do it, it will be glorious in the end.
]]>Once I thiught that I could discuss positively here. But here only those who are against ubf are welcome. If not, so many punches will be bombarded on one person. That makes me tired. I need to get out of this darkness soon. I say this over and over again. But whenever I see lies or unfairness, I come back again. Even though I know that there is no hope in here.
My agony is this.
Should I ignore this unfairness keep going here or keep looking and try to correct wrongs to reduce innocent victims?
Am I only feeding evils by involving here?
I am leaning on the latter that I feed more evils.
But God knows that I did this in pure purpose. I trust in Him only. I may go back to normalcy by God’s grace and mercy and no turning back.
I’m really seriously wondering—when comparing what you wrote with what Carlos wrote—about who exactly is the one who is “full of hatred and lies”??
]]>Sorry that I don’t worship ubf.
]]>I too was stunned by what MrKim wrote.
Here is a relevant quote from a prominent Southern Baptist leader about why allegations of sexual abuse must be reported to authorities.
“…sexual abuse in the context of the church must be handled in terms of both authorities responsible—both the church and the state. The state has been given the sword of justice to wield against those who commit crimes (Rom. 13:1-7). The church has no such sword (Matt. 26:51-53). This means that the immediate response to allegations of sexual abuse is to call the civil authorities, to render unto Caesar the responsibility that belongs to Caesar to investigate the crime. The church may or may not know the truth of the allegations, but it is the God-ordained prerogative of the civil authorities to discover such matters and to prosecute accordingly. When faced with a question of potential sexual abuse, call the authorities without delay.”
http://www.russellmoore.com/2015/05/22/what-should-the-duggar-scandal-teach-the-church/
]]>My family has been through hell and back because of this situation and UBF cult members – we just want peace.
]]>At first MrKim mentions — Ben Toh is “sneaky fox” and then you say ” you shouldn’t “manipulate”.
Just to give everyone a clue on who James D. Kim is…
1. Sneaky fox: sending emails to my wife behind my back telling her things like – “your husband is in danger because he is going against “Gods church”… I fear he may harm your daughter and implying to my wife to basically leave me or that she separate from me — should I post the email?
This alone will give you a clear picture of the Cult mentality of UBF – and the sickness of this poor man (who I believe means well but is completely blinded by the UBF Cult and it’s teachings — after all he MUST be “faithful” UBF shepherd.
2. Exaggerating? were you at any of the meetings? NO. Did you speak to any of the victims? NO. should I begin to post emails so that everyone can see clearly? As a matter of fact, I was commanded precisely not to tell any of the parents what was going on – the only reason YOU knew was because I told you — otherwise you would never have known. When I began posting the articles I did it intentionally because the leadership did not want anyone to know.
3. You mention ONE girl – there were 13 victims (originally it was 12 but one victim spoke up at HBF) all together it was 13 that I know of (1 older missionary) and 3 boys – the youngest girl was 6 years old.
4. You mentioned at least (I) was not abused but I was loved by many people… who? Do you know what Mary and I had to go through in UBF? the constant open persecution while we would get encouraged in secret/quietly inside the rooms so that the leaders would not get offended. Also, you clearly had an agenda for me just like everyone else… you said so yourself… “I expected you to do …” as long as I acted Korean, as long as I lead the meetings and organized the groups, as long as I obeyed the leaders, as long as Mary worked on the website everyone was friendly and on our side – as soon as we left we became the enemies? that’s UBF love not to be confused with real love brother.
Even your profile picture gives away your true nature – you are tired, frustrated, and in need of rest. There is no rest in UBF… you’re identity is based on worldly things (how much can you work?) thats slave mentality, thats Egypt mentality — that is why God gave us the Sabbath get rid of your slave mentality brother.
I hope that you can read this verse and meditate it’s the complete opposite of what UBF teaches — Matthew 11:28-30 MSG“
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
James you don’t have to worship UBF or the leaders God has rest for you.
]]>We do not delete comments here, generally speaking. If some other admin feels compelled to remove your comment they can do so, but I will not.
It sounds like you have a lot to discuss in your chapter. I hope you all are talking on a daily basis and figuring out how to address these things.
]]>According to whom? In your system of justice, who gets to decide this?
]]>For New York, I came to know sure.
Still, I am not sure of the exact definition of sexual molestation. The level of misbehavior was not as serious as to call the police. Since the girl was in shock, she has been treated properly by many people including professional counsellor. Again, the church didn’t cover it up. They had meeting and talked to people who are involved and dealt with the offender accordingly.
But Carlos and his wife were not satisfied not because of that issue but because of other issue. I know for sure that they didn’t like the leadership since they were not fully supported. Though, they got tremendous support from the majority of people including me. They kept challenging the leadership to get what they want and it was very selfish and proud behavior. They cannot do everything as they want to. They also need to listen to other people’s opinions. But when they didn’t get it, they kept trying to bring division among members.
If I need to, I can give many examples of their lies though I don’t want to.
My first impression of Carlos was the miniature of Apostle Paul. He was excellent in talking but I realized that most of them were exaggerations and lies. I regret that I supported him with all my possible energy sometimes I had to stand up our leader. But, later I realized that I was wrong.
It reminds me of a man in Anam center long time ago. For many years, nobody knew that he was not a student. He deceived everybody by saying that he was a student of Korea University and even attended classes. He lied about all his life to make up big dramatic story for many years. Later, he stole offering money and roommates’ credit card and money and ran away.
Weird story? But it is true.
Many people lie to get attention. And that is what I saw in NY too. I am not sure how many people were abused in ubf. I am sure there would be many. However I am not sure which is true and which one is lie. At least I am sure what I saw with my own eyes.
One case I am sure but that case iss full of lies.
“Mr. Kim, as I’ve said before, I believe that you are a truly genuine Christian who loves Jesus and the gospel. But you are likely not very aware that your sentiments are strongly shaped by your culture that is rooted in Asian, eastern values – See more at: http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/05/01/what-not-to-say-to-someone-who-has-been-hurt-by-church/#comment-18538
The 8 points that Ben made about Korean missionaries’ cultural values are certainly a factor. But there is a long specific history within UBF of rationalizing and overlooking the bad behavior of leaders. Those who brought allegations against leaders have not been taken seriously, but criticized and attacked as MrKim has illustrated. Whatever doubts MrKim may have had over the years about the integrity of UBF leaders had to be ignored and suppressed as a mechanism of survival, because without this he could never have remained in the organization.
For example, take the big scandal that hit Anam UBF in the late 1990s that involved allegations of misconduct by a leader and a subsequent coverup, including the payment of hush money to a staff intern to make her go away. That leader was close to MrKim. Many (a majority?) from Anam left UBF in the wake of this scandal. It must have been a very traumatic event for MrKim. It forced him to choose sides. Those who chose to remain in UBF developed defensive mechanisms to suppress their doubts and fears and rationalize their decision. Perhaps they decided that sexual misbehavior isn’t such a big deal when it happens inside the church. Perhaps they decided that anyone who ever raises questions about UBF leaders is motivated by hatred, pride, and other ulterior motives. They became desensitized to scandal and apparently no longer care whether their organization has credibility or holiness. Now they just dodge and deny.
]]>7) Along with grace to leaders, one should also extend to them mercy, forgiveness, kindness, patience, tolerance, which is actually very good and wonderful. But to those who critique UBF, you expect along with truth, perfection, absolute correctness, and perfectly correct and right tone of voice and writing.
8) In other words, you seem to be very lenient with UBF and her leaders, but very very strict with everyone else, which is good for everyone else. The problem is your double standard.
]]>1) You are very loyal and committed to your leader(s) and to your church. Thus, you get quite offended when anyone dares to bring up some wrongdoing related to your leader(s) or your church. Thus, you labelled Carlos with unnecessary and uncalled for ad hominems and guilt trips, which is not loving or gracious Christian behavior.
2) You strongly believe that non-leaders should not critique, question and challenge leaders. So you strongly disagree with and dislike UBFriends because people here are willing to speak up regarding matters that they can not address in UBF without facing some form of negative reactions and repercussions.
3) You believe that trusting God means that the primary work of UBFers is to “preach the gospel and raise disciples,” and NOT address problems or interfere with how UBF is run by a top tier of leaders, even when some of their practices and decisions may be abusive, authoritarian, questionable, disrespectful, condescending, rude, intrusive, overbearing and unaccountable.
4) You believe that people in UBF should only talk about “good things,” and not bring up problems, especially publicly, even though the Bible is a most public book that primarily brings up and addresses in explicit detail the sins and problems of God’s “chosen” people (the Jews in the OT and Christians in the NT).
]]>“It is natural, when under criticism, to shield your heart from pain by belittling the critics in your mind. ‘You stupid idiots.’” …or pig, or demon, or Satan, or bitter, or “it shows that you are no different from others here!”
]]>“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Ephesians 5:3
By saying that he is “exaggerating” Ben is just point out that you are admitting it happened (exaggeration requires an object to be exaggerated), and since it happened, even if it is small it needs to be taken with a high level of seriousness because the Bible commands it so. You also also judging Ben to be unfair- which is again a problem when then you then turn around and say not to judge. I believe this is the special pleading fallacy.
]]>Mr. Kim probably has no idea what he just did. He virtually acknowledged that the sexual molestation DID HAPPEN!!! He apparently just does not like the fact that it is being exposed for what it is. Thus, in his opinion, Carlos “exaggerated and lied.”
]]>— “the sexual molestation was exaggerated” I would like to ask, were you the one speaking to the victims? have you spoken to the victims? How about this… did you speak to the older brother who was forced to give oral sex for about 4 years? Oh wait you can’t ask that because his father is a church leader and a “godly man”.
— Was that story made up by me? and did we imagine the conversation we had with that young man? I was not the only person who knew this I wasn’t the only person he spoke to. Please prove me wrong and ask him or ask his father yourself.
It’s difficult to show everyone the evidence we have (on video, and writing) because we are in a bind — BrianK BenT and some others know the reason. I am grateful for this community and can say that I am in a healthy church and the only expectation is that I have a relationship with Christ. God bless you all!
John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
]]>Do you realize we are in America? Do you realize we have mandatory reporting laws for such abuse?
If a clergy person knows about such a thing, the law requires reporting the incident to the authorities.
As the admin of this website, I am going to look into whether or not I have to report this to the police.
]]>I hope that the authorities were contacted to investigate the allegations of molestation. Does mrkim’s comment imply that there was a less exaggerated, acceptable molestation? Awful.
mrkimmathclass further wrote:
“I am the one who loved you and your family the most and expected you to do much greater things. But what you did was very evil and dark. You should know that many people felt heart-broken and sad when your family left and confused.”
Again, awful. What exactly where these expectations you had? What might be these “much greater things”? His justice was not enough it seems.
This is the same old rhetoric I’ve heard from other Korean missionaries to make people feel guilty and to fall back in line. I find such words to be manipulative and lack any empathy for those who have been hurt.
]]>27. You should know that many people felt heart-broken and sad when your family left and confused
]]>I can say that there could be many people who were abused.
But at least you are not.
Rather, you abused people in ubf.
While you were in ubf, you are the one who were supported by the most of people in ubf. You are the one who rebuked our members because we were not actively engaged in preaching and helping people. When you wanted to rebuild our church environment, most of our members supported you.
But you left our ubf when you didn’t get the support from our leader fully. You are the one who lied and tried to bring division among people. About the sexual molestation, you exaggerated and lied because people didn’t try to solve the issue as you wanted. You cannot force people to listen to you and follow your way.
And because of that, you say ubf is in darkness and cult.
That is absurd.
I am the one who loved you and your family the most and expected you to do much greater things. But what you did was very evil and dark.
You should know that many people felt heart-broken and sad when your family left and confused.
After most of the sexual, spiritual, psychological abuse had been revealed to about 3-4 leaders… my wife and I came up with some logical next steps… we suggested that:
1. We should bring these dark secrets to light and work out our issues with the congregation
2. We should repent for failing to make this church a safe and healthy place for children (since some leaders knew what was going on years before but hid this fact).
3. Let’s not just say we’re sorry let’s do something about the problems in our church – i.e. racism, the nationalism, the cultural problems, the rivalries and power hungry battles etc…
I was given these responses:
1. “It is the UBF way” basically the response was we (UBF leaders) will not reveal these things because admitting and revealing these things would damage UBF’s reputation.
2. “We are Korean missionaries you are the Spanish” — whatever that meant — I took it to mean [ don’t tell us (Koreans) what to do.]
3. It is their cross to carry (mentioning the abused children) and so no therapy or counseling was ever offered. As a matter of fact none of the sexually abused were offered any kind of help.
In order to be a Spiritually/Emotionally healthy and safe place these people shouldn’t just say they want it to be healthy and safe… they should do something about it.
Now that I look back… I really feel that there are genuine people in the UBF cult organization – however the UBF culture blinds its members from doing what is right in Gods eyes so instead they do what is right in UBF eyes. I know because I was just like Mrkimmathclass and I would even give similar responses.
]]>So I guess what my point is, having all this online discussion is crucial. Hopefully more UBF members will read and make some changes. We need to change. Or leave.
]]>Actually I was tempted to speak like Brian to Mrkim because Mrkim’s comments reminded me the abusive ubf leader who had expelled me out of ubf. My blood was boiled again.
But recently, I try to care for my lips because Jesus standing beside me watches how I treat others, even to the one who hurt me.
That is my personal struggle.
I have to admit that I didn’t treat Brian well to care for my selfish concern.
Again my apology. I am learning this. You guys taught me a good lesson.
The topic of the article is things people shouldn’t say to those who were hurt by the church.
Yet the very concept of his comment is that these things are in themselves, good things to say to people who have been hurt. That people should hear them and listen to them.
Yet this response is not surprising at all.
Great list everyone. Really shows how leaders, if they are out of touch and clueless, can easily steamroll and hurt people whom Jesus longs to minister to.
Also, the fact that this source came from someone not in UBF confirms my idea that the church in our time has the opportunity to confront the issue of abuse and find God’s mercy and leading, real healing. The Church must face this issue or they will suffer endlessly, not for Christ, but for their own wrong doing, according to 1 Peter 2. (the other part of 1 Peter 2, I mean).
]]>What I really enjoyed reading in one of the past threads, was where a commenter (Joe Schafer) talked about holiness not primarily about being good, “righteous”, mistake-free, but rather it is a relational, differences-penetrating characteristic/quality in a person. I wish I could explore more of this.
]]>One thing to point out which my friend told me: 3) I don’t want to gossip. Whether from the perspective of you yourself, or your peer whom you’re talking to, there is a sense that talking about these issues that have happened to is really not gossip. That means it is really right for us to be expressing ourselves here. We shouldn’t feel guilty or condemned that we are making these issues in our heart known – it’s not gossip. It is right and necessary.
And not all anger is just “complaining and bitterness”. There is such thing as righteous anger.
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