There is much that the author is thankful for in University Bible Fellowship, such as going to Bible Conferences in other countries, the love bombing in her early days, and the Bible studies. These things I am very thankful to God for as well. She mentioned that when she finally became free she never lost her faith in God but learned to serve God in different way free from all the pressure and control and undue influence.

I noticed a few common things that she shared in her book that really drives home the real issues in University Bible Fellowship that must be addressed and be changed if University Bible Fellowship is to become healthy and be a healthy ministry. These same points are addressed in Brian’s books and the one we wrote together as well.

First, She saw family life in University Bible Fellowship.

She mentioned as she took a closer look at the families in UBF she noticed that they were abusive and unhealthy. I saw the same thing in our ministry in Cincinnati UBF as well as in my own family. She noticed that kids were pressured to live in the University Bible Fellowship community and parents did not spend time with them but left them to others to take care of so that they could raise disciples of Jesus. This changed her perspective completely and contributed to her leaving UBF after being a member for 3 years in the Canadian chapter. She did not want to raise an unhealthy and unbalanced family.

I strongly urge UBF members to love and take care of their families and if can’t do so and do ministry then leave UBF immediately. Please do not abuse your children under the banner of love and ministry.

Second, She saw pressure to marry in UBF.

This is a sure sign of an unhealthy ministry. Throughout her book you can see how she had to suppress her feelings and live under the direct influence of her Bible teacher. This caused emotional anxiety and trauma to her life that is abusive in nature. UBF makes marriage out to be some kind of fantasy world where you will be eternally happy with the partner they choose for you because they are God’s servants and they know what is best for you. I lived in this illusion and dream until I got married in UBF and realized I married someone who did not like the ministry as I thought and only stayed with me because of our children. I realized that the marriages in UBF can be very abusive in the sense that you marry under pressure and someone who does not understand that they will often be expected to sacrifice their family to feed into the UBF propaganda machine. It is not real.

Yes, there are some good marriages but much is cover up. One young man in Cincinnati UBF left his wife and children, he was one of my shepherds, to spend his life with a same sex partner. These stories are covered up and never talked about.

Third, She saw that she was not her real self.

She describes it as an out of body experience in her book. It was nice to read a book from a woman’s perspective for a change. She saw that the longer she stayed in UBF the more and more activities were thrown on her life to seize unhealthy control of her life until she ended up in depression and even fainted a few times at work and in a library a few times where she worked.

Finally, she got the courage to leave. I strongly encourage anyone who is in University Bible Fellowship to read her book to just explore these issues in a loving way. I can see that she did not write this book to bash UBF but with a sincere and loving desire to come to terms with her life and to find healing for herself. In the same way, Brian and I wrote our stories with the same purpose. There is no money to be made in writing books but much time and effort in writing. These love letters must be read, I promise you that you will learn more here than staying up all night half asleep listening to repetitive and boring testimonies. Isabelle Renaud is our sister in Christ and she deserves to heard in the University Bible Fellowship community.

I do not know how God will use this book but I was inspired by God to write it beginning in 2012 until it’s completion. The book will be helpful to any sincere Christian who is seeking the truth. It is a must read for those in UBF or out of UBF if anything to learn how a fellow laborer in the gospel came to know the freedom and love in Christ. As a UBF person, you will understand that what I wrote is from a once insider and a writer of 4 previous books where I have promoted UBF and all it’s practices. This book will shed light on what happens after you take a turn for the worse, where do you go from there, if you lose all the support from the ministry you loved with your life. One thing is for sure, God is the end. God is Love.

Dear Cincinnati UBF and all in UBF:

It has been over a year and slowly God has revealed to me the truth about UBF and it’s practices. UBF is abusive to families and to children and to many students in the name of raising disciples and living under the dome of truth. I could write a fifth book about all the abuses that I have personally suffered under you as God’s servant and the bad theology and the anti-family mentality in the framework of UBF. It is hard to see this truth while living under the leadership of UBF but I saw it in Cincinnati and was afraid to speak out because of the control and because I was taught to never forget God’s grace which was more of a control mechanism than a love for God.

God is faithful. He is slowing healing our family and He has delivered all of us in healthy churches where children are not neglected in the excuse of doing ministry and spouses openly show affection to each other and the Bible is not used as a tool just to make people to be committed to UBF and its practices. God delivered me like He did Job after taking everything away from me so that I could finally see the truth. I have my ex-wife to thank for this and my daughters. I have a deep concern for the marriages and families in UBF. There is much pain and abuse in the name of doing God’s work. The abuse is real and I learned it from you as my shepherd. The UBF heritage is not God and there are so many healthy and vibrant churches all around who live in love not judgment and condemnation. God is love. The general atmosphere of UBF is like modern day proud religious leaders who need to repent.

I am currently writing a fifth book to set the record straight and to reveal God’s love and faithfulness. UBF only thinks of UBF not the millions of Christians around the world who are doing great work of God and not lording it over the flock. Once you told me that if I ever left, you would refund every penny I gave for offering in Cincinnati UBF. I feel the money was given to a very unhealthy ministry but I gave it first to God so please keep it. Yes, I met Christ in UBF and I learned the Bible much but the years of abuse and bad teachings under the UBF heritage eroded our family and your example on how to raise families is unacceptable. UBF is broken and many ways unhealthy for students, families, and even in the world. Those who speak out are branded as “evil” or “Satan” workers but in fact they are saving their families from more abuse and they are trying to show prayerful criticism which is healthy for a church if it wants to stop its abuses.

Recently, I learned that Dr. Samuel Lee even encouraged abortions which is wrong and contradicts the gospel of love and family. This mentality has carried over to you. Once you tried to stop me from having 5 children, now I see why because UBF does not believe in big families or even honor families. It is condoned to neglect your children to raise disciples even to this day. Meetings are so rigid and abusive. I remember the day you put pepper and onions in my brother John’s eyes when he did not cry during a testimony and I should have left then but I got so stuck in your way of serving God. This was wrong. My shepherd promised me a new truck on graduation and he never delivered. So many broken promises and I was so in love with God and the Bible that I overlooked these things but when my family was taken from me God opened my eyes. Since we left UBF, our family has been weighed down with much counseling and joining a healthy church has helped us to discover that there is no love in UBF but just unwritten rules left by a dead man, judgment on other Christians, and everyone there seems to be trying to work there way to heaven by numbers and raising disciples that they are truly out of the healthy balanced life of a true Christian. This is not the gospel of love. We have spent over $30,000 in counseling fees getting some assistance from the government. We feel this should be made good to us by UBF.

As far as your life, I do not believe you are healthy spiritually and that you are wrapped up in the UBF system that your prejudices are deep against other Christians and the body of Christ. The day you asked me to leave you said, “They teach bullshit.” As a man of God, I see that UBF needs healing and reform and needs to learn to love: beginning with the family unit and the children. Examine this area because there is a reason why God took us away. Please honor God’s family and don’t make parents guilty because they can’t make it to the meetings or can’t give large offerings. Stop making leaders to abandoned their children to attend all your meetings and to seriously restore the family units in Cincinnati and throughout UBF worldwide. God has made my life a voice of change and growth in UBF rather you like it or not. Stop trying to hide the abuses. You could not handle the truth of what happened to us so you sent me away and told me to keep my mouth shut. Big mistake because the gospel is larger than UBF and the church is wider and higher than the UBF heritage. God has set us on a path of peace and healing and He will finish what He has started and UBF must change. He has blessed me with an amazing new wife in His grace and He never stops working no matter where you end up. God is love.

I pray that you may reexamine your life and practices in light of the gospel and get rid of the abuse that is so much in UBF ministries world wide. I write you today as a voice of deep concern and pray that immediate action will be done for the sake of families. I write this with prayers and tears but deep concern for the families in the UBF system. It is time for UBF to repent and stop burdening those with your rules that you yourselves can’t bear. I pray that this Christmas the families may be honored.

In Christ,

bigbear

Trapped by “grace”

It is still amazing that though I have been kicked out of UBF, I still am listed as a director in the daily bread book, being sent daily bread books, and even promotional literature along with conference posters and invitation cards to invite people to the 2013 UBF International Summer Conference (ISBC) at Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Even after being kicked out, I am still bombarded with everything concerning UBF. When does it all end, it is like being a main character in a horror movie though I am not in the movie.

It would be nice to really witness “So Loved” in UBF even if it is for one weekend from August 1-4. Instead the true theme of every conference is always the same. I summarize the true theme like this, “Don’t forget God’s grace”. You might say, “What is so bad with that. Isn’t that what Christians are called to do?” The problem is how UBF sees God’s grace. It is a trap, meant to keep you thankful forever to UBF.

From my early days, I was reminded constantly of this from my shepherd who by the way disappeared from UBF without a trace, no one knows what actually happened to him and his family. I was one of the young shepherds who shared my life testimony at Michigan State University and was told to write a hundred page testimony of my life then narrow it down to two pages telling of God’s grace. I was surprised that God’s grace equaled only what happened in UBF and in Bible study. Later, I wrote a book, “Crossing the Red Sea” to share the grace I learned through the word of God.

Maybe a beard will make you forget God’s grace

The problem lies in how UBF interprets God’s grace. My shepherd was a very wealthy man but he was considered a great man because he lived with a poor street kid from Cincinnati, Ohio. He would warn me daily to not forget God’s grace and prohibited me from growing facial hair because he told me that my old life comes back when I have hair on my face. I think the real reason is that he could not grow a beard and he thought that I was forgetting God’s grace when I grew a beard. The chapter director would invite me over to his nice home and feed me and say, “Don’t forget God’s grace!”

Post Conference Depression

All through out my 20 plus years in UBF, it was always the same message, it was how they kept the bear in me asleep. Everything that anyone done for me in UBF was thrown in my face time and time again to keep me a prisoner in the system. The summer conferences were great but we all suffered from PCD after the conferences which is “Post Conference Depression.” There was no true love. Even to this day, I barely know anybody in UBF personally because it was all about UBF where was the real people, the real Jesus and the real love.

More like a guilt trip

On the UBFriends site, I feel connected with people for the first time because we all know deep inside that the new theme of the upcoming ISBC, “So Loved” is just like “Don’t forget God’s grace”. Many after this conference will go home depressed and even regret spending so much money when they have bills and family matters that are pressing on them. Everyone will leave with a big smile and say what an amazing Bible conference this was, and then suffer on Monday morning from PCD. It happened to all of us in Cincinnati UBF and we all struggled countless times with bouts of depression and with the true guilt trip, “Don’t forget God’s grace.”

Just a stern warning to all who go! Say to yourself, “Am I going to this 2013 International Summer Conference because I experience God’s love in my heart and in our chapter ministry?” or “Am I going because I must not forget the benefits of God’s servants and perhaps if I don’t go I will be rebuked in a stern and angry way?” Beware of PCD. If you have to go to a conference to experience God’s love than perhaps you are already in a depressed state and a weekend of inspiration may cause you to drift into insomnia. How will you escape the PCD?