http://www.upworthy.com/a-customer-walked-into-his-pizza-shop-and-changed-philadelphia-with-1-and-a-single-post-it-note

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/10/people-hear-for-first-time-video_n_6646594.html

One was about a man who left his job on wall street to open a pizza shop for $1 a slice.  One customer came in and wanted to buy a slice for anyone who might need help.  So the owner put a post-it on the wall, and the idea spread.  Those who benefitted from this kindness later found jobs and came in to donate a slice of pizza for another person who might come in hungry.

The next video is about technology helping people hear for the first time and seeing their reactions.  If this doesn’t make you cry, I don’t know what will.

For me, this sums up why I decided to give my life to God in UBF.  I always wanted to do something meaningful with my life.  When my heart was forever changed after meeting Jesus through Bible study in UBF, it was obvious where my commitment and devotion should be.

I was born as a child of UBF missionaries, so it may look like a natural default for me to be here.   But I will attest that no child can become a committed member by default.  Children growing up in religion experience a lot of downsides of organized religion.  For me, it was tedious and unreasonable at times, but I felt that people were sincere and that it was good to be devoted to God.  I heard testimonies of changed lives and respected God’s work in them.  I saw my parents making friends with college students, opening our house to them, cooking for them, providing room and board and entertainment, and I respected, even admired them for it.

But there seemed to be no upward trend.  I wanted all the Bible students who had made friends with me to stay and keep growing like a big family, but it wasn’t always possible, and it hurt to see them go, no matter how friendly it was.  But when news of a bitter and angry separation struck, it was almost too hard to bear.  I could not imagine myself following in my parent’s footsteps because it was all too obvious that it was a big waste of time.  I saw the end before I even started.  Even worse, I couldn’t even start because I knew what to say and how to answer the questions.  There was no way I could imagine having the same life-changing experience in Jesus that I had heard so many times from other testimonies.

Eventually, God helped me to be born again as his child and unexpectedly, my life was changed forever.  I heard God’s calling to serve him on American campuses through UBF.

When I watched these two videos recently, I was reminded why I decided to commit myself fully to God in the first place.  The first video was about following your dream to do good for others.  Even though it requires an initial sacrifice you persevere with the hope that the love you show others will not be in vain.  One day, that person will show love the way they were loved and everyone can rejoice together.   It’s living selflessly to pay it forward through another life or even another generation.

The second video reminded me that I decided to give my life to share the gospel so that people could see God’s grace and hear God’s voice of love for the first time.  To use my time and talents to this end would not be easy, but it would be worth it to celebrate together at the end.

But as I grew older, I realized that people were not rejoicing together.  People were showing favor for a while, and then applying the pressure.  When a person could not handle it anymore, or accept the vision for themselves, they would leave, sometimes quietly, and sometimes not so quietly.  More fundamentally, people in the same chapter could not respect each other and get along.  And families who had sincerely accepted the same vision and decided to join in the struggle together were leaving, angry, broken and hurt.  Whatever the reason, I believe that this is not the end that God wants for us.  We emphasize the importance of one person before God.  If one person who joins is important, than one person who leaves should make us stop and examine ourselves to make sure we are right before God.

At the root of it, it’s painful to realize that the road we started on has more failures than successes, more hurt than love.  It’s painful to realize that people that we trusted are susceptible to the same sins and temptations as everyone else.  But if we are confident that we are right before God, that God is leading us, and the end will outweigh all the trouble, we can persevere.  It’s just that I think we are losing that confidence.

For the past 15 years, I have focused on building my own relationship with God, denying myself, not blaming others, giving thanks, accepting God’s sovereignty, and doing my best before God.  Wherever I could be helpful, I tried to help and serve.  Whenever I saw a need, I did my best to show God’s love.  In every trial and difficulty, I accepted it as God’s love and discipline, overcoming bitterness and hurt and thanking God for his love for me.  But the biggest breakthrough came when I learned to be honest about my real thoughts, desires and heart before God at every stage of my life.

There’s a tendency to portray the initial conversion as the answer to all life’s problems and then it’s happily ever after.  But no matter how wonderful it was to be born again into God’s kingdom through the blood of Jesus, and no matter how much that change spurred me into action for Jesus, I realized that one defining moment cannot last an entire lifetime.

A person may initially experience victory over some sin or over some area in their life, but if the root is deep, it will resurface again.  We continually face new challenges and new problems as we enter different stages of life.  What worked for me before will not work again in another situation.  What worked for me in the past will not work for another person.  Every moment, every person, has to be prayerfully guided and led by God’s own hand.  There is no magic formula. We need to be able to examine ourselves honestly before God and find individual answers from God’s words.  We also need examples from our seniors and from our community to learn how they are struggling with new issues in their lives, and how they are bringing them to God to find the answers.  We need people who can hold us up and wait patiently while we work through our issues.

Hiding the problem is not the answer.  Bringing them to the light of God’s love and grace is the way to find personal healing, set a good example, and restore the community.  It may be painful, it may be messy.  But when this happens, no one has to feel embarrassed or say, “Don’t read ubfriends.”   We can be open and honest and point to how our leaders are also making honest efforts.  I can follow their example and also continue with God’s calling in my life in clear conscience before God.

Practically, an independent advisory consisting of neutral people who we trust and who respect our ministry, can be a good place to start.  We should first try to resolve problems among ourselves, but when we cannot, both sides can give their story to an objective third party.  Alternatively, a board from a neighboring chapter with both Koreans and natives can serve as an objective third party and listen to both sides.  We can have new respect for each other and show kindness and even love.

I also wonder about the need for a general director.  Every country has its own flavor and should be allowed to develop independently and creatively.  Presently, UBF USA is hindered from addressing concerns of Americans because other directors from another country are afraid that the original spirit of UBF will be distorted.  Also, since Chicago is the International Headquarters for UBF, there are more eyes on Chicago leaders.  I believe Abraham T. Kim is caught between a rock and a hard place.  But if Chicago was no longer international headquarters but just another chapter, or headquarters only for North America, there might be greater flexibility.  At the most, I only see the need of continental directors, who oversee the spiritual needs of their continent, who meet together to discuss international matters, and participate in retreats for their own spiritual needs.

Jack Frost’s Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship might also address the heart of our interpersonal relationship problems, not just Korean and American but also Korean-Korean, American-American, and all over the world.  Our self-reliance, insecurity, sense of duty, rivalry, accusations, etc. may be stemming from the possibility that we have not fully embraced our identity as God’s sons and daughters and still remain as orphans without a real father or home.

Then I became a leader. I learned to put God in the center of my thoughts and actions. I learned to reflect on myself based on God’s word. I learned to repent and come closer to God. I learned to value individuals and love their soul through prayer and Bible study.

However, I began to notice ugly things in me. Once I realized I was in a position of influence, a greed for power and control started growing inside of me. My original desire to purely spread God’s love was almost immediately tainted with my own ambition to amass large amounts of people and enjoy people’s recognition. I was also confused by my own inability to pray, my stubborn resistance to depend on God, inner criticism of those who were not as devoted as me, and resentment toward those who seemed to have it easier than me. In short, although I had been saved, I was very selfish and self-centered.
I was motivated no longer by love but by my greed and ambition which was countered only by despair and sense of failure. As I married and had children, I realized that although some parents may have been sincere in devoting themselves to God and trusting God to take care of their children, I realized that it could have been just as easy to use God’s work as an excuse to avoid the thankless job of raising children, cleaning up their mess, and feeding them day in and day out. How often I also wanted to run away and immerse myself in other activities if they were only available. Alas, as a small chapter, we didn’t have many programs or students. So I would try to escape in other ways instead. In the same way, some leaders could have also been sincere in their challenges and directions, but it could have also come from a desire for more power and control.

As much as I respected UBF ministry and members, there were things that bothered me too—the messages that did not speak to me, the way people were given direction without explanation or understanding of individual situations, the prejudice, the awkwardness. If we were a community that loved Jesus more than others, then I assumed we would love others as Jesus loved us. If we were a community with the joy of salvation, then people would naturally be attracted to us, join, and find the same joy that we have. The fruit of God’s salvation would be flowing down as God’s gift to us, encouraging and strengthening us. But instead, I saw fighting, complaining, competition, and people becoming enemies. It felt forced and difficult and draining.

Although I was firmly loyal to our group, I could not but look longingly at bigger ministries with good programs, talented speakers, and many members. Even in America, where it looked like the church was dying, we were seeing mega churches springing up, drawing large crowds of people and making a difference in people’s lives. Then people started leaving our ministry in droves, not quietly, but angrily, making quite a stir as they left. As I read their stories, my heart broke and shame entered in. I had made excuses before, but they weren’t working anymore. Especially when other churches were thriving and obviously doing much better than us, it seemed that we were obviously doing something wrong.
Then came the scandal with Mark Driscoll, which sounded similar to the scandals in our own ministry. Suddenly, I realized that our problem was not just our problem. It was not something I had to hide and feel ashamed of. It is quite simply, the curse of our human race.

From the beginning of time, ever since man decided to disobey God, people have been blaming each other for their problems in life and in the church. We blame the leader, the congregation, the programs, each other, and even ourselves.
We need change. People need to change and grow, otherwise we die. But change doesn’t come from telling somehow how to change. We experience a revelation and suddenly we are the expert on what needs to be done and how people should change. Congregation doesn’t change because the leader tells them what to do. The church doesn’t change because the congregation tells the leader what to do. Change comes from God and is continually motivated by the joy we experience from living in his will.

Change progresses by God’s sovereign time schedule, not by our will. God loves us more than anyone else. Only he knows our hearts and whether we are living in his will or not. In addition, he has infinite patience for us to turn our hearts to him. We do not have to do anything. God works and waits until we want to love him and love our neighbor with joy.
Likewise, God loves that other person more than you or anyone else. God has his own time schedule for that person. It may not coincide with our time schedule or even our lifetime, but it does not matter. We need to entrust that person in God’s hands, believing that God knows what he’s doing better than we do. There is no excuse for trying to change someone or getting upset when that person doesn’t change according to your time schedule.

At the same time, we need to acknowledge God as the creator and keeper of our lives. We need to accept everything that has happened to us, both good and bad, as from the hand of God. It is here we may discover inner anger toward a person or to God. It is sin that hurts us and causes us pain. But God is watching over us all and he shows no favoritism. His final judgment will be righteous and just. This gives us rest from trying to fix all the wrongs ourselves. It also compels us to live honestly before God rather than pretending to be ok.

God has also promised to make all things work for the good of those who love him. (Ro 8:28) God is working for us at all times whether it looks like it or not, whether it feels like it or not. It is our job not to fix the world but to thank God for the life he has given us and the blessings he has placed in our lives. It is our job to thank God even for the pain and difficulty because it is through them we grow closer to God. When we thank God in all circumstances, God often does mighty work in and around us which blesses and strengthens us. For example, this web page can be used as a vehicle for ranting or healing or provoking, but it is not the web page, but God who is working behind each and every situation to challenge us, change us, and help us. It is our job to receive what God wants to give us, to learn what he wants to teach us, to obey what he wants us to do. There is no excuse for not accepting everything from God, living before him, and trusting him.

Finally, we come to realize we are nothing but broken jars of clay. But God in his great mercy and love has chosen to shine his light through us through Jesus. We were nothing but we were made into heirs of his kingdom and co-heirs with Christ. It might be like we are each presidents of a small country. In light of that, there can be no hierarchy or status among believers. We must treat each other with respect as a co-heir of God’s salvation in Christ. At the same time, our minds and bodies are no longer our own. We are not slaves to sin, but ambassadors of God’s love and promise to the world. So there is no excuse for not loving, not accepting someone even if we don’t feel like it. There is no excuse not to be generous toward others or love them as Jesus loved us.

What we need is not more rules, practices, and traditions. We also don’t need more blame and outlines of how to change. We need to listen to God’s voice and stand before him alone. We need to listen to each other and love each other in Jesus. After, and only after, can we think of influencing another, and that would be only to help that person by our example, to learn to listen to God’s voice for himself and make his own decisions standing before God without expectation or condemnation.

I was drawn in by article after article and comment after comment. Initially I was taken aback by aggressive language and seemingly biased points of view. But as I continued to read, I have been impressed by the level of integrity and professionalism you have maintained throughout the website. The articles have not been offensive or slanderous but have been informative, honest, and real.

Due to the degree of honesty and open communication presented here, some of the emotions have been very raw, making some of the comments difficult to read at times. But we need to read and acknowledge people’s pain and hurt. I understand why some leaders may have boldly challenged people to leave if they are not happy. Maybe they wanted to show their strong confidence in themselves and UBF. Maybe it was easier to reject first before being rejected. Maybe love grew cold. But one thing is that the pain will not go away on its own. And the fact is is that no man is an island and we need each other desperately.

The questions I came away with were, “Where do we go from here?” “Is there any hope?” “Has everything that can be done already been done?” I would propose that someone who is trusted by the elders and staff, such as a fellow director who has shown outstanding ability to hold such a discussion or an outside professional, give a set of lectures educating leaders on the art of discussion. Maybe similar to lectures educating leaders on current trends of postmodernism and how it affects how people view and accept the gospel message.

I’ve been hearing in many comments the cry for open discussion, not vindictively, but earnestly. And not just privately, but in an open group fashion. I feel that a little bit of honesty and vulnerability would go a long way.

One of the fundamental problems is that as a group, UBF leadership and members have not been educated on how to moderate a discussion that touches on sensitive and painful issues, using skills such as listening without judging, being vulnerable, the language of apology, receiving criticism without taking it personally, handling conflict and pain in the discussion, handling emotions, etc. And these are not learned naturally. They are skills that need to be taught and learned. There is no blame that we were not equipped. We have to remember that UBF started as a grassroots organization dependent upon the passion and initiative of a handful of people. God used it, but we need to change and grow as do all people and all groups. I believe that the same spirit of initiative, bravery, and independence that God used to bring us here, God can use again to bring healing, restoration, and revival for Americans, Koreans, and all chapters around the world.

However, without a proper foundation, and the right tools to address difficult topics, we cannot expect to have an honest discussion at a larger scale. We need to lay the foundation first. Then, and only then, can each side meet the other from the same starting point and begin the process of sifting and picking topics for discussion without getting defensive or emotional. There would need to be an excellent moderator as well.

Let us wait on God in full expectation. “We can do as little toward the work as toward creating the world, except as God works in us to will and to do. God only asks us to yield, to consent, to wait upon Him, and He will do it all….To wait upon God, and have the heart filled with faith in His working, and in that faith to pray for His mighty power to come down, is our only wisdom.” Waiting on God, Andrew Murray