Introduction:

After a gradual, but long time struggle with leaving UBF I wanted to review an aspect not directly addressed by many people. As a single person the struggle really comes down to staying or leaving. There is nothing more and nothing less. However, a married couple faces different and possibly new obstacles. In fact, a growing family faces the largest issues imaginable combined with the sheer longevity of commitment and service to UBF ministry. Our stories are unique, yet at the same time complimentary by experience in UBF chapters around the world. I invite people to share this aspect of their struggle to leave UBF. There are many accounts found here and there on a wide variety of existing articles and topics, but the agreement to leave between a husband and wife has not really been opened up. It would be nice to hear from more women who visit and read UBFriends. The dominant voice has always been male even though there have become some regular female participants.

Broken Mission?

Where do we hear that our mission is broken? We hear this maybe in our own conscience, but most definitely in our UBF chapter and possibly even at larger UBF gatherings whereupon people have been gossiping. Our conscience might compel us to remain in UBF at all costs because it has become the only expression of our faith and our only understanding on how to receive Jesus’ words, command, purpose and most of all His grace in our lives. UBF teaches well that Jesus’ intent is not only about our salvation, but also narrows down our calling of service to define true Christians as those who go to campus preaching and teaching the Bible. UBF also instills that we should all be little compassionate Jesus’ and feed sheep. This serves to perpetuate the UBF corporate model more than it does the body of Christ, because it is not enough to share the gospel and bring more people to Jesus. It is more important that a shepherd begets a shepherd and so on. I have found that recent revision in UBF has attempted to acknowledge other gifts and talents from God, but the future of UBF as a church really rests in its legacy of campus evangelism.

Now, is participating in church activities a sin? Absolutely not. Naturally, any person who has received grace and has faith in Jesus wants to serve in some way and by any means. The trouble really stems from the list of requirements – UBF’s oral law. The heart is what matters in all circumstances and it is our heart that determines our end with Jesus as our sovereign. So, studying/teaching the Bible, having/being a shepherd, preparing testimony to share publicly, attending meetings, attending Sunday’s, and so on … becomes the model for worship and obedience. All of this just because you honoured a call to study the Bible in UBF. Failure to carry out the growing demands results in a judgment of one’s faith and most certainly some form of discipline. Knowing Jesus is a deeply personal and profound relationship, while knowing UBF is no different than knowing the impersonal corporate world. Simply, obeying UBF becomes more important than obeying Jesus. Is our mission to know and follow Jesus or to know and follow the UBF system?

Broken Promise?

Am I breaking a promise to commit to Jesus if I leave UBF? Personally, I don’t feel that I’m part of the group. I have never caught by this aspect of UBF emotional blackmail. If I commit to Jesus, then Jesus is whom I am bonded to. I have never seen myself in any other light despite the hostility and urgency to demonstrate human loyalties to those who sacrificed for you. I have seen many attempts to scare people about their promises before God. I suppose the conviction and guilt goes even deeper if you have left your country to become a “missionary”. It is difficult to simply accept someone who has left UBF. For a UBF member it feels like betrayal, that a promise has been broken with Jesus. In UBF it is a hard process and struggle. Those who leave UBF have more often been either referred to as unbelievers or great because they studied with UBF. Those who leave UBF are making decisions according to what they know as being right before God. How many times have you cringed when you learn something that is new to you within the UBF fantasy world?

Broken Community?

When someone leaves is the community really broken? When a young Bible student leaves it grieves the one who spent time with them. When a long standing member leaves it grieves everyone, but that grief is expressed with silence. How many examples are there of people who leave and never hear a word from UBF again? The fact is that UBF moves on and plods along its way with or without you. The system has been built to seek out new faces every season with an expectation that only a small number of people will stay – some of whom never become Bible teachers, but remain stuck as sheep. The system is built to block anyone suspect of glorifying themselves and not UBF – God. It also replaces any leader who leaves with ease and control. UBF is not a community of friendship and love, but rather one of numbers. It’s first a hierarchy in the years someone has been there. After that importance goes according to the success of disciples raised by each person. The community of fellowship looks more and more like some marketing department looking for someone to open and close a deal – The kingdom is contaminated with sharks!

Singleness

The life of a (single) student has less complexity in the decision to leave UBF. Now, single does not mean you are without a boyfriend/girlfriend or even spouse. By singleness I am referring to one person who has agreed to study the Bible in UBF. Leaving has no consequence to your social life outside the sphere of UBF and as long as you have not lost your identity there is hope to readjust as you walk with Jesus. Only now do I appreciate the easy circumstances of a single person in UBF. I did not have to worry about my wife or children. I only had to focus on recreating myself. I had enormous concerns about my life if I left. But, mostly these were about my identity and social life. UBF successfully desecrates a person’s social life and habits – routine. After becoming loyal to UBF I exchanged my common habits with UBF activities. This limited social relationships outside of UBF and even my interests, personality and character were sacrificed for my new holy identity as a growing disciple in UBF. When I did challenge and fight I was the only one to get hurt. Disagreements, misunderstandings and so on all had no consequences for others in my life. If I confronted anything I was the only one to receive hardships. The community of UBF could disgrace and shame me and me alone – I never had to worry about my actions having dire consequences for others close to me.

Married (With Children)

After marriage I realized on so many levels how much more difficult the decision to leave UBF was becoming. First of all, there is an understanding during the wedding preparations and ceremony whereupon an oath has been made to serve campus students with this new house church. Both man and woman are prepped to be the model Bible teaching house church. So, here begins the complexity of leaving.

What happens when one partner in the couple begins to object to UBF activities?

I have always been on the brink of leaving and somehow I managed to be married in UBF. I can honestly share with you that I really wanted to hold on as the Bible study had benefitted me, despite the pain that being in UBF had caused me. I had a small hope that maybe I could do things differently. However, I could no longer condone what I had been reading, hearing and in some ways continue to experience as I engage in UBF. Okay, so I feel badly about UBF … what’s next? Now I must sit down and talk with my wife about it. I must coolly and rationally explain myself. I believe my wife will support me on this – but actually I am not sure. (Marriage in UBF is for mission and UBF goals. How common in UBF is it to marry because two people love each other outside the context of mission?)

I do thank God that my family has entered a chapter of UBF that is more flexible, however, it does not cut us off from the umbrella of UBF ministry national and international. My wife has not had such negative experiences as I have and therefore has loyalist tendencies. However, I thank God that she also supports my decisions. To be clear, we are in some way divided, but supportive of each other and highly communicative in our marriage. One difference in our personalities is that I am frequently aware of certain injustices and she is insensitive to them – She is very care free and easy going.

When I arrived in UBF I observed an example like this where the husband remained part of the UBF leadership, but his wife had since left for a local church. It did not take long for the husband to unite with his wife at that church. So, in my example, I have had the conversation with my wife about our flexible chapter and if we had not been so lucky. She knows I would otherwise leave UBF. My decision has become local only – national or international matters do not interest me.

So, what would happen if my wife and I were in opposition? I want to leave, but she wants to stay. I hate UBF and she loves UBF. Clearly we would not be able to reach any reasonable solution. Big dilemma….there are children involved. But really … Who out there had to convince their spouse about leaving? Who was the first one to want to escape? How was the news and announcement received? How long did the process take?

What happens when UBF social culture invades the family unit?

UBF social culture is invasive and likes to compare its logic with the book of Acts. The perceived example of the early churches justifies UBF behaviours. The UBF community can be suffocating for a brother or sister, but knows no bounds after marriage. A married couple becomes an object to be used since the married couple made a vow to serve in UBF for campus ministry. In principle common serving does not look objectionable at first. But, it is the nature of relationships and influence of elders that can make problems in the family unit arise. With children the home invasion brings more privacy concerns and problems. Of course, this may be worse as your children get older.

I am presently just scratching at the surface, because I want to hear people contribute. I want to see new voices. I also want to raise the controversy of weak marriages in UBF. If one spouse is in and the other out of UBF what holds the marriage together? In my case, my wife and I communicate often and she knows exactly my intentions and feelings. Now, you may ask about her prayer for me, but I have already told her not to pray for my renewal in UBF. I am getting older and I am tired of such nonsense. It’s a waste of time. I just want Jesus and not stupid politics of the who’s who at UBF events. As my children get older I also want to spare them the stress of UBF land – Oh! They are so cute until they can form opinions and then they must know their place in UBF social order.

One spouse calling it quits does have the power to break a marriage in UBF. This is very clear because people are committing to the UBF system and not necessarily the person they marry. I have nothing wrong with jumping into a marriage with someone I hardly know. (I did that already!) I do have a problem with being caught up in the dream or fantasy of UBF. Time and experience changes a person. UBF has problems.

Closing:

In this article I am trying to make sense of breaking the relationship with UBF. I question a person’s broken mission, promise and sense of community, because these are integral matters addressed when someone makes the decision to leave. I also think about the contrast of a single voluntary decision to engage in UBF activities against that of an experienced married couple with/without children.

How about you? What else can you add to brokenness? What can you share as a single or married person who struggled to leave UBF? What conflicts did you face? Alone or with your spouse?

David was a man after God’s own heart.

David called upon God in his moments of struggle. He gave praise to God in his moments of triumph. In moments of sin he earnestly repented and prayed to once again be right with God. David loved God above everything and everyone. There are a number of reasons why David demonstrated loyalty to Saul. He had first been a harp player to help Saul through the torment of an evil spirit. After slaying Goliath Saul kept David with him like family and did not let him return to his father’s house. (Jonathan had also made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.) Later Saul became David’s father in law. As time passed David’s success in military campaigns raised him up among the people.

It must be highlighted in 1 Samuel 24 that David has his first opportunity to strike down Saul. Verses 4-7 read, “The men said, ‘This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.’ Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. Afterward David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, ‘The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.’ With these words David rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way.”

After looking closely at this event it is clear that David was willing to make a move to harm Saul despite his relations. David only cut a corner piece of robe, but immediately realized the danger before him. He was conscience-stricken as a result of the Lord God. We must remember that David almost always called on the Lord and accepted any guidance for his life. Indeed he could have struck Saul down, but he didn’t because Saul was God’s anointed. David did not even let his own men take action. David feared God more than anything and was not willing to strike down God’s anointed – even a rejected king. David’s loyalty was rather to the Lord God.

It must be added that after David had heard about Saul’s death along with his sons that David had the Amalekite who lifted his hand to Saul run through. David’s attitude was absolute that the Lord’s anointed must be respected even though Saul had been rejected by God as king. Afterward, David was made king over the Israelites. David’s lament for Saul was a communal event. His heart was moved by the death of Jonathan. Saul’s other two sons are not even mentioned by name in his song (2 Samuel 1).

How then should we see leaders/elders in UBF?

It is interesting to note that the relationship between Saul and David has been made an example for loyalty. Saul pursued David more and more with intent to kill him. He did so with full knowledge of how people were comparing him against David. The people had fallen in love with David. Saul also knew already that his days were numbered as a king. Samuel had rebuked and warned Saul that his family would lose the kingdom and that the Lord had left him. Indeed sometimes it is possible for even our chapter directors, shepherds or even standby leaders to resemble Saul. Their pursuit in way of control and direction for our lives to satisfy their own interests is indeed a repeated abuse. Such abuses have variances according to where to continue studies of undergrad, masters, phd. It also affects who you marry and when. Where you live and work and how you distribute your money. The list goes on and on.

Is it possible to understand David’s loyalty to God as a loyalty to Saul? How do we see God’s servants in UBF? Are they anointed? Should we show the same praise, honour and respect as illustrated by David? Remembering Jesus’ command to love one another and also forgive our brother, can we also understand David’s actions toward Saul as he is right with God? Do we need to love and forgive our Bible teacher or another member of our church? How can such understanding affect our salvation?

Editorial note: Our friend “gc” has been offline for awhile, taking care of his growing family. Congratulations on your new child! Here are some thoughts on families by gc. Please read and respond to his heartelt words. He raises numerous questions that have not been discussed openly in the UBF context. This article provides a nice segue into the next UBF heritage point, “house churches”.

1. Introduction
I was inspired to write this article to bring together a variety of experiences that married couples are confronted with when having a baby in UBF. Of course there is no standard for social behaviour between (chapters/co-workers), but there is a natural interest in the future children. Just as there are many stories from couples there are even more stories from the second gens themselves. My inspiration comes after the birth of my second baby and my interest reflects observations and experiences within three different chapters. There is no opening or conclusion to this article. Hopefully, it can be built and developed by the readers to share a living experiential account of what happened when they began to expand their family by having children.

2. When are you ready for children? How many should you plan to have?
After marriage I did not have any counsel about how many children I should plan to have. I had seen many examples among different families. I had also observed different levels of stress according to native shepherd and missionary. I had no plan in my mind for the number of children, but rather kept in mind the need for properly supporting my family. I grew up in a family of six – that is four children. My wife and I conceived maybe about 5-6 months after we married. In our relationship with each other we were ready to start our family. However, in a practical sense we were not necessarily ready. As a result, we have both been stretched to our limits with even just one child due to our working schedule and the ministry requirements. When we depended on grandparents to help us it has meant sending our daughter to another city for not just one day or weekend but for maybe three weeks to a month at a time.

I have seen a recurring comment whenever the family unit is raised – ministry vs. children (sometimes spouse). In UBF when are you ready to have kids? How many? Since our schedules usually include an average 8 hour working day five days a week, our remaining time is divided between ministry and family (sleeping/not sleeping). In UBF we have many meetings, Sunday worship service and as many Bible studies as we can organize depending on the number of students who agree to study with us. Is it humanly possible to carry out each ‘role’ and ‘hat’ effectively? Assuming we are divided by 3 aspects of our life (family, work and ministry), then we can distribute our focus according to our desires. But not one of these will receive 100% of our attention. So, as a UBF shepherd or missionary – Should you have kids? How many can you manage? How many women are burnt out or depressed? Whose parents assist in raising the children? Does the husband engage in the dirty work of supporting domestic life?

3. Abortion/Birth Control
One topic which has as many interpretations as there are people is abortion and birth control. This reflects both moral and religious values so it is never clear what UBF requires. It is clearly taboo since the elephant in the room has been the history of demanded abortions which has yet to be properly addressed by leadership. But in a different context, what experiences have people had among the chapters? It is a deeply personal aspect of married life, but there are also degrees of interpretation of what birth control means. Could it mean prescribed abstinence as directed by the chapter director or shepherd? Is it abstinence at the discretion of the couple? Could it just simply imply the use of pills and condoms? What are feelings on surgery (vasectomy, tubal ligation and hysterectomy)?

4. Relationships Between Shepherd Family and Senior Leaders
This comment is strictly theoretical in essence, but maybe there are people out there who can contribute and develop it as per experience. The relationships between people in any time and place always affect group dynamics. How does the dynamic in a chapter influence the time of starting a family? Does it even play out as an influence? Is it important at all? What happens socially to a couple that for whatever reason cannot conceive? What emotional and spiritual support is there for a woman who has miscarried? What if a senior family believes that one, two or three children were respectively God’s plan for their family and therefore attempt to apply it to a younger family?

5. Men and Women: What are your roles?
I have had an interesting experience in my married life since I was thrown into my wife’s country without any preparation. In Canada I was responsible to represent my family for any official procedure because my wife was able but shy to use her English. I had lived independently and knew how to cook and bake. I had been meticulous at house-keeping. In general I was used to supporting myself and taking care of domestic concerns. For a Korean woman I was opposite the expectation – that is because I had grown up in a society which demands of men to know all of the above in the name of equality. Any North American woman will observe immediately that the UBF church social order has two influences:
a) Traditional roles as defined by a church doctrine
b) Traditional Korean family roles
In simplicity, that is why most often modern western women would refuse to marry a Korean man in ubf. They do not want to be set back by several decades in their own social construct.

Since being in Korea almost all of my abilities have been silenced because of my natural limitations here, but also because the social structure reinforces my life in such a way. That being said, I have been making efforts to return to my former initiative, but it is not always easy. This of course includes an active interest in the raising of children.

6. The Baby is born – What are the names? Why?
Picking a name is important for anyone. If you are Christian it is important to have vision for yourself and certainly your family. Most times names will be after the biblical narratives. However, sometimes I have seen selection to honour senior leaders. I cannot make a broad statement whereupon a senior leader demanded this, but I have observed apparent voluntary action. I have also observed and experienced absolute freedom from ministry and coworkers in the naming experience. I have a simple view for the naming of children in my family. My wife gives the Korean name and I the non-Korean name. For my daughter, I just simply liked the name. However, my wife dreamt and had a sort of vision when naming her. For our son it was the reverse situation. We both named our children with prayer and vision.

7. Direction from Chapter director?
Has there ever been a case where direction of any kind occurred in the chapter? By direction I mean the hope and vision for any child that is born in that chapter. Do children belong to the family or the chapter? Have they in some way been blessed with certain implications made by a chapter director? Most church tradition initiates newborns with a baptism, but that is not what I mean. Since a member often makes an oath, vow or other such promise then has it ever been practiced on a submissive and unaware baby or child?

8. The Family Unit/The Greater Family Unit/The Ministry Family Unit
For most parents establishing their family is among the most pleasurable events in married life. No matter the struggle or difficulty in raising a family it is an endless reward and experience for our lives on earth. Also, for our own parents or siblings there is much joy in coming together as a big family. We have raised many complaints on several occasions because of misunderstood priorities between family and ministry. Why does UBF implicitly (sometimes explicitly) justify church relationships to become more important than our own family in terms of parents and siblings and also spouse and children? Is there a viable Christian explanation? Where is the boundary between biological families and church families? Who is more important? Why? We all have varying attitudes on this as well as experiences so remember the difference between your ideal and the actual reality.

We find that it becomes a snare whenever we challenge the system. Such a challenge is met with a reminder of who we were and what that means. UBF shepherds have this awkward tendency to remind a student of their weaknesses, including what had been identified as their unique and one-of-a-kind life sin problem. So, the person is no longer a new creation in Christ Jesus – but rather the static sinner that their shepherd had once upon a time found on campus. Who are we as Christians when we cannot help our brothers/sisters to permanently put their life of sin behind them? Why do some of us insist on reminding students about their sin problem in order to maintain control?

A Simple Reflection on Les Misérables

Jean Valjean, a convict released on parole after 19 years of serving out his sentence for stealing bread, begins a new life and journey as he intimately comes to know God. His life of freedom during parole carries on his criminal mentality. However the grace of a Bishop helps lead Valjean to his new relationship with God. Over time he transforms into a new man and a new creation. His past is behind him (it would seem) and he holds much responsibility – he becomes a prominent man in the community as a factory owner and mayor. Jesus has absolved him of his bitter sin of theft, but the prison guard, Javert, recognizes Valjean and repeatedly pursues him without mercy referring to him as 24601. Thus, no matter the transformation and new man that Valjean has become, he is always associated with his past sins. These sins God had washed away in the blood of forgiveness, but man refuses to forget details and relentlessly pursues him.

What Kind of Sinner Were You?

Who we are in Christ matters. Who we were also matters. What kind of sinner were you? What had you done? When one slowly struggles and shares deep and personal history of their lives it often permanently defines who they are in the eyes of many. Therefore, it is safe to state that it becomes impossible to truly conquer a sin problem because our brothers and sisters lie in wait for us to stumble so that they may remind us of who we once were. If Jesus does not remind us of our sin, why do such humble servants? Why is spiritual authority expressed in this way at times? Consider carefully what you determine to be your life problem. It will be a measure against you in times of conflict and disagreement.

The life testimony is a perfect example of pinning the identity of someone. It is also a way of making the memory permanent, because the benchmark gets recorded in the history of your new UBF identity. “Hello, my name is X. I was XYZ sinner before I met Christ.” In many ways the human being is still XYZ sinner despite many years to season and reshape that person. Senior leaders will always harbour first impressions no matter the actual change in someone. So, becoming a new creation in Jesus ceases to have power in UBF. This serves the level of integration into the social hierarchy of UBF. It also breeds many issues and to my knowledge has impacted the life of second gens as well.

Conflict of Interests – The Difference Between God and Man

It is unfair to define anyone by an apparent sin problem that they once had. Confession or exposure of sin is visible within the gospels. But, are UBF shepherds equal to Jesus? If anyone composes a life testimony they are entrusting themselves to another person. That person is usually their shepherd. After editing the congregation becomes both judge and jury. The purpose of testimonial is to help examine the word of God against our life – so much more a life testimony. A life testimony brings family background and upbringing into light. It often reveals all emotions as we reminisce about successes and failures – joys and sorrows. The point of the testimony exercise should be a means to help establish deeper roots of faith and relationship with Jesus. But often times it enables seniors to label sheep by their sins.

The identity of a person should reflect their evolution as they walk with Jesus. (A testimony is only an aid to the greater picture that later defines a person.) Jesus has embraced us and forgiven us – So what about you? If we turn and say do not judge, for you too will be judged. Then we should also not keep a record of what people said in their testimonies to define them by. Instead, to get to know the person we should go out together and have fellowship. Talk about life and interests (music and movies) – see them in that context. Let go of the UBF boundary and context style. In this way a bond can be established based on a real relationship with that person. Therefore, conclusions drawn about the person should evolve as the relationship evolves. Sadly, most of us believe that by knowing the life testimony or weekly testimony we are drawn closer to a person. But I say that this is a lie. Knowing the testimonial only helps us to keep records of rights and wrongs – dos and don’ts that the person had done. We are mistaken if we believe we are closer to anyone exclusively through their testimonies.

How should we see each other? Is it right to always view someone as they once were? Is it more Christian to see them with new eyes? Why then should we be judged by man? After all, Jesus is our source and answer – before him alone we shall stand naked to bear all of our deeds.

A Reflection on Genesis 22

When my wife and I were about to face separation, our lives shook. Our marriage shook. But no one asked, “How is your marriage? Are you okay? How can you handle this event?” We had been married less than one year and were expecting a baby. As I participated in UBF ministry activities during the four months that we were separated I told myself it was okay because of Genesis 22 or similar thought control. However, deep in my heart I was torn up because it was not a comparable test of faith. I want to explain best a brief look at Abraham’s test of faith, my family’s personal struggle and the impact of ministry.

As Genesis 22 opens it had already been some time after Isaac had been weaned and Ishmael had been sent away with his mother. Verses 1-2 read, “Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, ‘Abraham!’ ‘Here I am,’ he replied. Then God said, ‘Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.’”

Typical UBF messages emphasize that Isaac was most precious to Abraham. By interpretation this means that Isaac, God’s promise and blessing to Abraham, was an obstruction (idol) to serve and follow God. (So, the natural action is to remove the idol.) But God was indeed testing Abraham and did not intend to take Isaac, but rather wanted Abraham to demonstrate his love for God. So, Abraham almost sacrificed his son – But he didn’t! Before he could bring the knife down an angel of the Lord stopped him. When Isaac was spared and a ram was to become the offering it revealed God as our provider. But we need to remember that Abraham returned having proven his faith and love for God, while his son Isaac was still under his care. This reveals that Abraham had a lasting encounter with God – a turning point in his faith. Abraham’s obedience helped him to experience God even more. God would not let anything happen to Isaac for the value of life and the promise. So, after leaving Abraham had both his faith in God and his son.

Understanding Our Separation

In my own example I had to let go of my wife – my wife had to let go of me. My wife and I married by faith, but also because we did love each other. Even though we did not know each other at all in any way, God gave us opportunities of our era – internet: fb, skype and email. During our private time no leader or chapter director could prohibit our frequent communication that helped us to later become a solid married couple after marriage. I was not desperate to marry, but was willing to do so in UBF after a lot of personal prayer. This did not happen because of my chapter director and his carrot and stick, but because I believed, trusted and loved God.

Let me explain our crisis: My wife is Korean. During a mad rush to do everything well, effectively and in a timely manner at the time of our marriage I accidently submitted the wrong application for immigration sponsorship into Canada. I will say just one thing, even though this has hurt my family in the short term, I believe that it was God’s grace and will that led us out of an abusive chapter in such a way. When we discovered our situation most of the chapter members were out of the country, leaving just my family and one other member. When I discovered our reality I arranged to meet with an immigration lawyer immediately to see exactly what our options were according to Canadian laws. Did I consult with the chapter director at that time? No, his absence did not help us at all and we also needed to be clear about the facts before we prayed.

Interference From Our Chapter Director

Our main priority was to get my wife out of the country before it could hurt her chances to be accepted as a sponsored immigrant to Canada. We messaged the director and his wife after we could explain the facts about our situation and what options were available. First, the director said we could discuss further once he returned to Canada. (There was no time for discussion, but he wanted to be in control.) Second, both he and his wife encouraged a foolish plan to go into USA and then try to reenter Canada – the theory was to extend possible visiting visa. Our problem was not my wife’s allowance time for being in Canada it was the application forms we had submitted. The Canadian government believed I was in Canada and that my wife was in Korea, but actually we were both in Canada. The government was processing everything for my wife at the embassy in Seoul. Within ten days of discovering our situation and taking the necessary steps to understand our options my wife was back in Korea.

Once everyone had returned to Canada and talked openly about the situation my family became divided property of the chapter. The director did not show concern about what this crisis was doing to my family. All he cared about was his power and authority over the members in his church. My wife became a political object so he could find favour among Korean co-workers in her chapter. He prepared gifts and a card which we were not to have anything to do with accept for delivery. He enforced a prayer meeting for the sending off of my wife the Sunday before she left without our consent or input. His prayer was not about our family – it was about his chapter and how he could maintain power over us. This was one event he could not control. He was not more powerful than immigration Canada. The following Monday my parents and I accompanied my wife to the airport early in the morning. I refused any coworkers to be in attendance.

All during this time my wife had just entered her second trimester for pregnancy. So, in addition to the stress of sponsoring a spouse into Canada, we faced four months separation during her pregnancy. The days leading up to her departure my wife cried and cried. I had gone through a breakdown several years before, so it was naturally difficult for me to do the same in times of intense sorrow and disappointment.

Life in Canada Separated From My Wife

During the four month period there were two aspects that bore heavy on me. First, inside our chapter my prayer topics were given to me. I was told that my wife had to return as soon as possible to Canada for the sake of our chapter. What!?! Nobody had any sense!! A pregnant woman well advanced should not be travelling long distances by air. My wife also had no status in Canada and would be subject to the worst environment along with the baby to be born into. Over and over again, during meetings, daily bread, bible study, Sunday worship and any event which caused us to gather I listened to the prayer that demanded my wife return to Canada. Her return was not about uniting our family, but about maintaining numbers and events in our small chapter. The second aspect that bore heavy on me was during any event which gathered several chapters together. I attended one wedding, the summer conference and also a leaders conference before the school year began. On all occasions I met with people from across Canada and explained our situation without stating the facts about chapter politics. Everyone outside of my chapter said the same thing: Go and teach English in Korea! Be united with your wife, because it is not healthy for you two to be separated like this. When I returned home I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. I asked myself (and God), “Why couldn’t the people in my own chapter think like that? How could I allow myself to get stuck in this bondage to a UBF chapter?”

Well, I took matters into my own hands one evening. After chatting with many Canadian leaders over the period of a couple months I contacted the chapter where my wife had been in USA. Through this communication I could get assistance from Chicago. My director received a call from JJ giving guidance that I go to Korea for a short term period (6 months). This was at least until the processing for immigration could be completed. However, my chapter director wanted me to go only for the delivery of the baby and support my wife in the immediate and then return. He had no choice but to accept that Chicago leaders had stepped in and given a new direction. He still tried to keep his control because a director from a chapter in Korea had just visited Canada and he wanted me to study with that director so to keep his influence over me. (That director is a neighbor to our present UBF chapter.)

When I did leave I had prepared to work as an English teacher in Korea giving me more than a one year contract to fulfill. In addition, my parents were the only ones to see me off at the airport – I threatened my director with the police if he should come near me or my parents while I was away. Since then I have had no active contact with the chapter director except for what he has emailed to me. In fact, he has well hidden that things changed radically after I left.

Our Marriage Defined and Challenged in Korea

There is one more thing that occurred after the birth of our baby. The director’s wife came to Korea without any notice and tried to visit while I was working. She almost got past my wife, but I stood my ground and a fellow co-worker had to meet and send the director’s wife away without even leaving the train station. Let me explain since it was a very difficult action I faced while I was still shaken from the chapter in Canada.

I took a leap of faith and warned my wife that if she kept contact or allowed that woman to come into our home and touch our baby I would leave her and start all over without any conscience of our marriage. While talking with my wife I had even called my mother and told my parents that I would leave my wife and baby if this event occurred. I did all of this by faith, because that family had used, manipulated and bullied us. Did I want to leave my wife and baby? No, but I handled this event as I did to demonstrate what the chapter in Canada had done. During the four months of separation my wife had been in a loving and warm chapter, but I hadn’t and I could not pretend that everything was okay and allow them to exhort power over our family anymore. Forgiveness is in my heart, but that does not mean I will allow myself or my wife and children to suffer any longer.

Closing Comments

In closing there are many co-workers in Canada, USA and Korea whose help I received and for that I am truly thankful and hope that God’s blessings can pour out to them. But there are those in the chapter that I left who still need to be called to account. There are still others who share their condolences, but will do nothing about what has been happening in that chapter or others of its kind. It has almost been two years since I came to Korea and God has taught me that his divine training can be done anywhere, anytime under his authority and by the Holy Spirit. God has also taught me great humility with every step because I had no time to prepare anything, but had to adapt beyond my sense of time and abilities. We still do not have clarity for our situation, but we are taking each day and leaving it to God. That chapter director tried to keep me in Canada without ever suggesting I go to Korea for the remainder of application processing. It is a perfect illustration of an abuse of power.

Some in UBF may ask me, “Why has this been added to the pile of negative reviews?” My answer, “I am adding this here, because if I don’t it will always be left unsaid. When I share my life testimony I must be graceful and encouraging – that means do not say anything that may discourage new comers.”