Is sorry puppy always supposed to be sorry?

This blog post discusses the phenomena of feeling the need to constantly apologize for one’s existence. It’s when “repentance” goes overboard.

Scenario I:”You always say, ‘I’m sorry.'”

I had only been talking to him for a couple hours and he was already psychoanalyzing me. Despite the brevity of exposure, his insight into my character was uncanny. After he made that statement I tried semi-successfully weeding out those two words from my vocabulary. Since then I have continued to make an effort to stop apologizing incessantly.

Scenario II:”If you care about what people think about you stand on the right side of the room.”

And there I was, the lone participant in the survey on the right side of the room. The next question was something along the lines of “would you do something that needed to be done, even if others didn’t like you for it?” And again I shared my overwhelming desire to be liked and accepted. When the surveyor asked me why I was on the right side I answered, ‘Maybe it’s because I’m Asian and this is the way I was brought up.’ What I meant was I was always taught to obey and concede, even when I didn’t like it. Speaking up for myself was disobedience and disobedience was a sin punishable by Hell. Therefore, I must always obey. I interpreted that in my mind as I must always do what others want. I backed it up with Bible verses such as, “deny yourself,” “take up your cross,” “consider others better than yourself,” “to give is better than to receive,” etc. Somehow in my faulty exegesis I considered offending others as one of the ultimate sins.

Scenario II: Today’s ESL Class

Fast forward to today. During class, I was sweating bullets because some of my students were whipping through the material I had prepared at lightening speed and they looked bored, while other students were taking their sweet time like tortoises on a leisurely stroll. There I was stranded because I could not please all my students. Each one of my students has a different expectation of me and the fear of not meeting their expectations is what keeps me up at night. It also makes me hate the job that I initially had valued and enjoyed so much. And this scene of struggling with multi level learners has been repeating itself for my whole teaching career. This has been the toughest aspect of teaching, learning that I cannot please everyone.

If you ever taught, you know what it’s like to have constraints. You have your directors who need good test scores. And then you have parents who also desire results (or if you teach adults like I do, you have expectations for jobs and a higher salary.) And finally you have the actual students sitting in your class who have their own preferences and learning styles. In a classroom with 20 students there are so many variables for learning; this transforms the teacher, in a sense, to a juggler attempting to find the magic elixir that once imbibed will give the student the ability to have English flow from their lips as water from a faucet. I put a lot of pressure on myself for my students to succeed and it kills me. Not only that, but the old school I taught at put the blame for any failure of the student solely on the shoulders of the teacher. In the classroom, however, my spineless posture of attempting to save everyone gets me (and my students) no where.

“Get over yourself, MJ.”

Those are the words I said to myself after class today. After the 105 minutes of teaching responsibility were up I realized my fear of letting people down is not sustainable. I cannot cater my class to what my students want. I have to decide what my objectives are, how my students will reach them and how I will assess them on it. I have to make a plan backed up by my own reasons and stick with it. Then when my students disagree, which is inevitable (someone always disagrees), I have explanations. I have a degree in education and experience. I am the expert in the classroom. Yet for some reason I had been conditioned to think that owning up to my ability to teach was pride.

Ultimately it is my class and I make the rules. I do not do this out of the desire to control and dictate, but out of practicality. Nothing can be done and no goals can be reached if I’m constantly second guessing every decision I make.

I’m going to be honest, my personality is riddled with insecurity. I have always compared myself to my classmates and siblings. Am I as accomplished as them? Am I as smart? Am I as pretty? Am I as liked? Not only that, but I have always thought that to think anything positively about myself or any personal virtues was sinful because it stemmed from pride, the number one sin. But life cannot be lived like this. I am tired of being afraid and unsure all the time.

The passive-aggressive spectrum    

I don’t know if you can tell from reading this article, but I am very passive, to the point of passive aggression. In my mind I had somehow come to the conclusion that the way to respond as a Christian and a woman in any and every situation was passively. Now, thankfully I’m learning that the passive response is not the only response. I can be assertive, which means I am direct with my expectations and needs.

I am entitled to preferences and expectations. Before I viewed my role as a teacher/victim. Meaning, I have to jump through the hoops that others have set before me, but that is false. I am a person, just as my students and directors are. I am a human being and I have a voice, and I will use it unapologetically.

What are some lessons that you have learned about disobedience or humility? Do you constantly apologize even for things that are not your fault? Have you experienced a posture of constant apology to the point that it eventually became a hindrance? Do you struggle with speaking in an assertive way, which is neither passive nor aggressive?

“Many times being right is the same as being wrong.”

Acknowledgement that you do not monopolize the truth
This blog is a response to Joe’s excellent article about healthy communities. I particularly liked point #3:
“A third sign of healthy community is acknowledgment that the group’s distinctive views and values are not always right, and that in the final analysis, maintaining these distinctive is less important than learning how to love.”

Talking to those who have been burned by the church, I have noticed a pattern. People have been trampled on/ignored/ostracized/threatened because they did not agree with the doctrine of the church on an issue such as: evangelism, sexual orientation, racial issues, etc. Every time I hear a story of someone mistreated because they didn’t agree with their Pastor, it shocks me. I honestly don’t understand how that is a representation of God’s unconditional love and acceptance. I don’t understand why the church’s love always comes with strings attached. It’s as if the church has a “terms of use” page that is full of fine print, i.e. you can’t watch this show, you can’t read this author, you can’t associate yourself with those people, you can’ts do yoga etc. And years later people will take that terms of use and shove it in your face.

The difference between big “T” truth and little “t” truth 

You may say, “But MJ, it sounds like you don’t believe in objective truth. Do you believe that no one is wrong? Does that mean no one is right?”

Cynicism- doubt resulting from ignorance and antiquated ways.” (1)

You were wrong

Recently, I had a difficult conversation with a friend about a misunderstanding. At the end of the conversation, he casually mentioned something along the lines of, “Wow, I had initially come to this meeting thinking that you were completely wrong, but now I see that I was also in the wrong too.” Well, that just burst my bubble and made me want to rehash the whole misunderstanding again (because it obviously was not resolved.) Yet, I held my tongue. Actually, I had been dreading the whole confrontation because when he had called me earlier about the issue, I knew from the way he phrased his words that he was sure I was wrong. He didn’t want to talk; he wanted to point out all the ways that he was right and I was wrong.

Criticism versus Cynicism 

I will admit he was right to a certain extent. (It was basically just a big misunderstanding of two decisions that I had made. He thought they were mistakes because he didn’t know the whole story.) But what ticked me off is that he wanted to meet to solely show my error. He had come with a pre-conceived agenda/idea. (Basically, I had been weighed on the scale and had been found wanting.) That, however, is not how criticism works; that’s how cynicism works. Cynicism is when one reacts out of “ignorance and old ways.” A cynic enters the conversation with a pre conceived presuppositions. Actually there are a lot of overlaps between a critique and a cynic. They may say the same things and highlight the same issues, but a cynic, to me, is anyone who already has his mind made up. He has his judgement before facing the jury. A cynic to me is one who already knows the verdict without interacting with the evidence. Cynicism is everywhere and pride/superiority is at its root.

Thankfully, after a lot of talking and a third person moderating, my friend (at the beginning) finally saw that what he had perceived as being rude and inconsiderate on my part were actually legitimate decisions I had made because he did not know the full story. He came as a cynic but left as a critic.

Cynicism versus Authenticity

In an article by Relevant entitled, Faith and the New Golden Age of Late Night TV (2) the author mentions the revolution in late night TV. He talks about the demise of Jon Stewart, Letterman, Leno and Conan. When talking about Stewart he said,

“After more than a decade on the air, he’d become a jaded insider… who often made his audience less hopeful and more angry. There were times in his final months where he no longer seemed like the funny kid at the back of the class keeping the teachers on their toes; he was now the one with a front row seat to a broken system that he realized he couldn’t fix. He seemed defeated.”

Cynicism is different from criticism and inquisitiveness. Do not misunderstand. I am not endorsing spinelessness/silence when you are prompted to speak. Neither am I saying that those who post on ubfriends are cynics.

I am writing this to point out the subtle distinction between  cynicism and criticism. My argument is against the kind of thinking that says, “I am right and everyone else is wrong.” How many times have you entered a conversation with the idea that your conversant is completely wrong and dumb? I know I have done that many times and I have been (un)pleasantly surprised. I also have been in many conversations where I was on the receiving end of a cynic. I have had to deal with those who instead of hearing my story or listening to me came to simply castigate. Instead of seeking authenticity, HOTness as Dr. Ben loves to say, cynics seek to judge/condemn. One type of criticism comes from love, while the other from a place of superiority. (Btw, it’s very obvious when one of the two thinks they are better than the other.)

A Cynic Surprised

There are two sides of this cynical coin. The relevant article finishes with this quote,

“Christianity with an edge has a price. On one end of the spectrum are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who are so concerned about preserving their own cultural values that they encourage boycotts, cultivate outrage and make Christianity into a hostile cultural force. On the other end are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who have become so fed up with influential Christian institutions, they’ve become cynical, jaded and outraged—albeit for different reasons.”

I write this not to point out that anyone is a cynic. I write this because I personally recently discovered the difference between cynicism and criticism. I want to be honest, open and transparent. I want to be authentic. I don’t want to sweep dirt under the carpet (that’s been done for the last few decades and look at the fruit it has reaped…) And yet, I also don’t want to be judgmental or condemning. I don’t want to jump to conclusions about anyone whether they are in UBF or not, whether they’re Christian or not, whether they’re heterosexual or not, Pentecostal or not, etc.

Furthermore, after writing my last article They want Christians, not Christ (3) I was pleasantly surprised. When I went back to class my Christian classmates were not as judgmental as I thought they would be, but they were intentional about being authentic. As Joe said in a comment on here, authentic community is possible, but it takes intentionality (I think he also said time and commitment.) I have a feeling that God put me in the school where I study surrounded by Christians, so that I would learn to love the Church again. It’s a hard lesson, but may I seek authenticity and not cynicism.

• http://brandinfluencegroup.com/blog/criticism-vs-cynicism/
• http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/faith-and-new-golden-age-late-night-tv
• http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/08/22/they-want-christ-not-christians/

Group Bible Study
The high light of the conference for me was group bible study. For some very bizarre reason I was the “bible teacher” for a group that included 2 seminary professors, 2 UBF missionaries that had been Christians longer than I have been alive, and a missionary from South East Asia. I had mixed feelings about this, since on one hand I could do what I wanted, on the other hand I felt like Dr. Augustine or Dr. John Yoon should lead the bible study. I made it clear we wouldn’t be using the bible study questionnaire and things went very well. My friend Ivan said after this he would give Jesus another chance and I really felt that the Holy Spirit guide the conversation. At times certain people would occupy the conversation for a long time but then others would speak and overall it was one of the better (if not the best) group bible study I have had.

Testimonies
In contrast the testimonies were by and large boring and tiring. It was beyond obvious that they had been carefully scripted and edited. Of course when this is brought up it is denied but for everyone who has ears let them hear that nothing that was spoken from a stage this weekend wasn’t preapproved and checked. The Pauline Three Part testimony was in literally everything, from messages to mission reports, from reflections in the small group to the presider’s introductions. It led to a dry and tiring experience at best, at worst it implied that Jesus always works the same way in everyone, turning absolute terrible excuses for people with no redeeming qualities into people ready to throw their dreams and goals away for world mission. Some of these were truly moving, like John Peace and Philip Brown but when they were good it was because they broke the mold. Ivan (who later commented that he liked this conference) walked out on literally every single one of these.

Presiding
This leads me to my last point. I was asked to preside and was emailed with instructions to give a short life testimony and a description of where I was with God. As I started to read my testimony I was strongly convicted that this was the wrong thing to do. Although there are a lot of good things that have happened in my life, I simply did not want to share them. My life has been checkered in parts and as I looked at what was written I realized that it would create in many people a feeling of pity, pity that I did not want. If this makes me proud so be it, but simply couldn’t bring myself to say all those things to a group of strangers who would not be able to relate nor fathom what I was saying- to a group of people who (as I have experienced) do not understand how mental illness works.  I am not a product of my mother’s condition, and I felt like I did not trust people enough to tell them of my past. I was very sparse with details and when I gave where I was with Christ I chose not to simply say a list of activities I was involved in. For me this is not what following Jesus means. “If righteousness could be attained from the law Christ died for nothing.” At best these things are a glimpse at what Jesus was doing in me, and so I shared my true feelings- that I struggled how to be fearlessly humble. I struggle with loving my enemy as myself and how to love those who disagree with me.
Who was this conference for?
There was a claim that this conference was for new people. I realize now that there are different definitions of this word. Ivan was by anyone’s definition “new” but my pastor asked if he had a Christian background. When he said yes my pastor was relieved because “otherwise it may have been awkward.” This conference was not for “new people”. It was for people like me. “New” in the sense that they have been in UBF for a few years. It was a chance for them to show how they were “growing” in Christ by giving them tasks at this conference. It was evident from all that was testified, in the nearly singled minded emphasis on “making a confession of faith.” If a college student with no knowledge of Jesus had been taken off the street they would have left knowing they should follow Jesus and that they would have life, but no idea of who he is, what he is (beyond “The Lord”), why he is. They would know that following him leads to eternal life, but not why this is to be desired. They would know nothing of his great commands, nothing of the resurrection. They would know nothing of the Holy Spirit. So in that sense I feel that these (to give our conference creators the benefit of the doubt) were assumed to be known, and so this conference was for those who were given roles in the conference.

In closing, I had a fun time with lots of friends. I really loved the songs and music. I loved seeing my friends and the bible study was very inspiring. I am not sure if I will go again, especially since the next one is in Colorado. But I don’t regret going, as with all things it could have been better.

Forestsfailyou

(The picture may be the response of some on “both sides” to “the other side.”)

What I will no longer say. Probably until a few years ago, I would have stated boldly and unequivocally, “According to the Bible, homosexuality is a sin.” But I won’t say this any more. It is not because I’m afraid of being “blasted” or “labeled,” which is actually kind of fun. But it is for these reasons:

First, I’d much rather say, “God loves homosexuals, and I love you too.”

Second, it’s because I have a much stronger, better, positive and affirmative message of the good news of God’s grace to declare unashamedly and primarily (Ac 20:24).Third, so why would I make any statement that turns off, offends, infuriates and even hurts and wounds a large segment of the world? They are the majority of the non-religious world, and an increasing number in the Christian world, especially those who enthusiastically support monogamous homosexual unions? Surely I have a much more appealing, lovely and marvelous declaration of the gospel to proclaim than to make any negative statement that enrages people, sometimes to highly volatile and emotional levels.

Fourth, making statements–regardless of whether it is right or wrong, true or false–that simply breaks the communication and relationship is unwise. It is foolish and a detriment to the gospel of God’s kindness, forbearance/ tolerance/ restraint and patience (Rom 2:4). This often creates a permanent barrier before the two sides can even begin any meaningful dialogue or conversation.

An ostrich hiding its head in the ground. In recent weeks I’ve been reading and watching blogs and videos from “both sides” of the homosexual marriage debate. So, I’m an inexperienced novice on this topic, which I’ve barely skimmed the surface of. It’s also not my “area of interest.” I’d much rather read “boring Bible commentaries” and live with my head in the clouds! Presently, in order to preach through Isaiah, I’m reading 5-7 Bible commentaries on Isaiah, which completely appeals to and satisfies my cerebrally and intellectually inclined introversion. But I should be an informed Christian who is not entirely like an ostrich with his head in the sand. So I felt compelled to at least begin to look into the homosexual marriage debate–without digging my heels resolutely into any particular position.

Can both sides be right? There are so many arguments, so much analysis, and so much explanations and detailed exegesis of the same biblical texts supporting completely diametrically opposite conclusions…and with both sides insisting they are right!

Cisgender. One thing that struck me recently was the use of new words, phrases and vocabulary that I’m unfamiliar with. I was recently surprised to find out that I’m a “cisgender.” My limited understanding is that it is a term popular among some activists and scholars. Personally, my preference is to be referred to as either “male,” “a man,” or “heterosexual male.” I hope this is not offensive (it is not intended), especially to those who are ambiguous about their sexuality and may not like such black and white clear cut and precise distinctions and definitions.

Non-affirming. Next, I felt that the phrase “non-affirming” is being increasingly used by those who are strongly supportive of homosexual unions. In Brian’s recent comments, he stated that he regards as “affirming” only those who are celebratory of homosexual unions. I have to confess that I had a discordant and dissonant inner reaction to this. It is probably because it immediately puts Christians who are anything but celebratory and in full agreement of homosexual unions on the defensive. Then no matter how much Christians are genuinely gentle, tender, kind, compassionate, respectful, empathetic, sympathetic, embracing and loving toward homosexuals, they would always be defined negatively and categorized as “non-affirming.” Even a genuinely loving gracious non-imposing tolerance would always be regarded as “non-affirming.” I guess I am empathetic toward anyone who disagrees with homosexual unions being labeled as “non-affirming.”

I think I understand that a lot of the gender language today is a backlash and retaliation toward those who have treated homosexuals and transgenders horribly, violently and with prejudice, disgust and contempt (both historically and currently). This is inexcusable and reprehensible, especially if one claims to be a Christian and to love God and to love his neighbor, even his enemy.

Nonetheless, in my opinion, to center or impose upon the world of gender and sexuality (which includes everyone) based on the preferred language of non-heterosexuals can be just as offensive and unloving as heterosexual Christians being opposed to homosexual unions.

Would it not be equivalent to those who are celebratory of monogamous heterosexual unions regarding anyone who is not pumped and excited about it as being “non-affirming”?

Am I over-stating my argument? Am I being offensive or unloving by voicing my reaction toward the “new” gender vocabulary such as “cisgender,” and especially “non-affirming”?

After at least 10 years of thousands of hours of private conversations between Joe and many UBF leaders in Chicago and around the world, the President of UBF reaches out to Joe. This is what happened as far as I can tell.

Timeline of General Director Voting

3/1/15 – The President of UBF ignores the past 10 years and out of the blue, asks Joe to vote for the new General Director. Augustine Sohn, the President of UBF, asked Joe if he was still a ubf member and whether Joe would be voting for the next General Director of ubf in a second round of voting. The first round of voting by a small number of top-level ubf leaders had resulted in a tie between Isaac Kim in LA and Abraham T Kim in Chicago. So now the vote must go to the International Advisory Members (about 90 people) to see if either candidate gets a majority vote.

3/2/15 – Joe responds to Augustine and also shares his response in an open letter on ubfriends.
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/02/an-open-letter-to-the-president-of-ubf/

3/11/15 – News breaks about closing a ubf factory in Mexico
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/11/the-work-of-satan-in-mexico/
Mr. Rhee who is a ubf missionary, owns a sock factory in Mexico. He and 3 other ubf missionaries were detained by Mexican police and their factory shut down for a few weeks. It appears they were released later and the factory re-opened. The allegations were sexual abuse and worker abuse such as long hours, lacking benefits, lacking safety equipement and underage workers. This event had prevented Mr. Rhee from voting in the first round of General Director voting (his vote would have broken the first round tie). Hence, the need to ask more leaders (like Joe) at ubf to vote in a second round of voting.

3/12/15 – Around this time a second round of voting by about 90+ International Advisory Members (that would include Joe if he voted) finishes and neither candidate gets enough votes to confirm them as the next General Director. This means a third round of voting must happen. This is a “vote of confidence” to confirm whether the candidate with the most votes in round 2 gets to be confirmed. Since Abraham T Kim got the most votes (but not a majority) he is the only candidate in this third round of voting.

3/20/15 – The third round of voting determines that Abraham T Kim is elected as the new General Director
http://www.ubf.org/announcements/north-america/announcement-voting-result-general-director-ubf

4/20/15 – Joe receives a private response from Augustine Sohn, the President of UBF
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/02/an-open-letter-to-the-president-of-ubf/#comment-17429

4/23/15 – Alan Wolff, the Vice President of UBF submits his response to Joe anonymously on ubfriends
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/

4/24/15 – James Kim of New York UBF begins making comments on the anonymous letter
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/#comment-17466
Using the name “mrkimmathclass” James’ first comment is “Best post ever!!!!”. James bulldozes the conversation into a discussion about whether ubf is a cult or a church with problems.

4/29/15 – Alan Wolff joins the conversation
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/#comment-17710
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/#comment-17714

Why Alan’s Comment Summarizes the Problems of ubf

I told Alan that his comment was a slap in the face. His response was “Sorry Brian, what I said what was not meant to be a slap in the face.”

This is a one-sentence snapshot that reveals why I call ubf a cult. Fix these three things and ubf will actually begin changing for the better.

There are many reasons why I say ubf is a cult. I plan to share those more organized thoughts in a follow-up article this week. For today, let’s process the following three concepts embodied by Alan’s simple comment to me.

– Rejecting the perspective of others

Cults dictate their own reality according to their own group narrative. Alan’s comment dismissed my perspective. His words about labels felt like a slap in the face. But he fails to acknowledge that my perspective has any value at all. This communicates to me that my views have no bearing on the discussion. If there is any pet-peeve of my time at ubf, it is that I was trained to dictate my reality. Instead of respect for other perspectives, I learned to force my ideas onto the facts around me. This is the most damaging aspect of ubf training. It is true that we all bring our own bias to any conversation. But it is harmful to create a KOPAHN ideology and then dictate that ideology onto every person and every situation. Christians respect the conscience and perspectives of other people. Respecting conscience is a significant theme in the bible. I see this respect is what Jesus did repeatedly in Scripture. To dismiss the view of someone is to demean their value as a human being. Is there any example of Jesus demeaning the value of a person or someone’s perspective?

– Writing anonymously

Cults give you a non-authentic identity. The need for ubf and ex-ubf people to remain anonymous is understandable, but also a red flag. It is a symptom of having lost your own identity and the ability to make your own decisions. It reflects a desire to be closed off from the outside word. It reflects a desire to hide. Christians do not hide. The gospel message is to be a light on a lampstand. The life of the Christian community is to be a city on a hill for all to see. Sure there are times when Christians may need to go underground. Is this a time when Christians should hide behind anonymous walls?

– Placing value on intention over fact

Cults ignore facts and teach you to figure out and accept the good intention behind whatever leader says or does. (insert Joe’s better thought on exerting yourself as a teacher/expert over other people) What matters to Alan is his intentions and not what he really said. This requires other people to constantly translate what a ubf person intends to say, not what they actually said. This contradicts our ubfriends idea of taking people at face value and not trying to figure out all the complexities of invisible intention. Christians look at the fruit of someone. Do we find any examples in Scripture where people’s intentions are validated when those intentions contradict the facts? Do we see examples of people of faith facing the facts of their lives?

Cs Lewis starts his address by stating that he will not be talking about what many of them assumed he would talk about: post World War 2 Europe. He says this is because most cannot be expected to marginally contribute to this condition in the next 10 years because “You will be busy finding jobs, getting married, acquiring facts.” This was striking to me because it is totally avoid of the modern mentality of “you can do anything” and the idealism that sweeps across modern campuses. He is being real here. He says instead he will give them advice for their lives. The next part is good enough to quote in its entirety:
“And of course everyone knows what a middle-aged moralist of my type warns his juniors against. He warns them against the World, the Flesh, and the Devil. But one of this trio will be enough to deal with today. The Devil, I shall leave strictly alone. The association between him and me in the public mind has already gone quite as deep as I wish: in some quarters it has already reached the level of confusion, if not of identification. I begin to realise the truth of the old proverb that he who sups with that formidable host needs a long spoon. As for the Flesh, you must be very abnormal young people if you do not know quite as much about it as I do. But on the World I think I have something to say.”
He goes on to say that in all groups of people the world over there exists an unwritten social code. Some people are “in” and some are “out”. He says many times there are no formal admissions, no formal expulsions. “People think they are in it after they have in fact been pushed out of it, or before they have been allowed in: this provides great amusement for those who are really inside. It has no fixed name. The only certain rule is that the insiders and outsiders call it by different names.” From the outside, if you despair of getting into it, you call it “That gang” or “they” or “So and so and his inner circle”. If you are up for admission you probably don’t call it anything. To discuss it with the other outsiders would make you feel outside yourself. And to mention talking to the man who is inside, and who may help you if this present conversation goes well, would be madness.
He proceeds though the rest of the essay to show that through all points in all people’s lives there is this intense desire to be “in”. Even those who protest being a part of the “in” crowd form a different group, and view themselves as “in” that group- the group protesting. “People who believe themselves to be free, and indeed are free, from snobbery, and who read satires on snobbery with tranquil superiority, may be devoured by the desire in another form.” He continues to say that trying to be a part of the in crowd (what he calls an inner circle) is a permanent main spring of human action. He says if you have never stayed up at night wondering why you did something to be a part of a group, to be included…then are you are more fortunate than most.
He gives two cautions. The first is that there is a difference between wanting to merely be a part of a group to be a part of a group and being a part of a group with a purpose. A person who loves chess and joins a chess club becomes a part of a ring, but he has found an “inside” worth having- whereas the person who joins the chess club because he wants to be in a club doesn’t really have a reward. The second caution is that Inner Rings are a large part of what allows good people to do bad things.
“And the prophecy I make is this. To nine out of ten of you the choice which could lead to scoundrelism will come, when it does come, in no very dramatic colours. Obviously bad men, obviously threatening or bribing, will almost certainly not appear. Over a drink, or a cup of coffee, disguised as triviality and sandwiched between two jokes, from the lips of a man, or woman, whom you have recently been getting to know rather better and whom you hope to know better still—just at the moment when you are most anxious not to appear crude, or naïf or a prig—the hint will come. It will be the hint of something which the public, the ignorant, romantic public, would never understand: something which even the outsiders in your own profession are apt to make a fuss about: but something, says your new friend, which “we”—and at the word “we” you try not to blush for mere pleasure—something “we always do.”
And you will be drawn in, if you are drawn in, not by desire for gain or ease, but simply because at that moment, when the cup was so near your lips, you cannot bear to be thrust back again into the cold outer world. It would be so terrible to see the other man’s face—that genial, confidential, delightfully sophisticated face—turn suddenly cold and contemptuous, to know that you had been tried for the Inner Ring and rejected. And then, if you are drawn in, next week it will be something a little further from the rules, and next year something further still, but all in the jolliest, friendliest spirit. It may end in a crash, a scandal, and penal servitude; it may end in millions, a peerage and giving the prizes at your old school. But you will be a scoundrel.
That is my first reason. Of all the passions, the passion for the Inner Ring is most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things.”

He concludes that the quest to be a part of the in crowd will break you unless you break it. Friendship is necessarily about something else- it is two hearts loving the same thing. He says that inner rings are avoidable- but we can through friendship and true love form something that looks identical to an inner ring.

And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that the secrecy is accidental, and its exclusiveness a by-product, and no one was led thither by the lure of the esoteric: for it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ring can ever have it.
We are told in Scripture that those who ask get. That is true, in senses I can’t now explore. But in another sense there is much truth in the schoolboy’s principle “them as asks shan’t have.” To a young person, just entering on adult life, the world seems full of “insides,” full of delightful intimacies and confidentialities, and he desires to enter them. But if he follows that desire he will reach no “inside” that is worth reaching. The true road lies in quite another direction. It is like the house in Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Per the question about membership, it probably goes without saying that the most important membership we have is in the body of Christ. While it may be obvious, it is the starting point of any Christian church’s legitimacy and must be mentioned. Our fundamental identity comes from our relationship with God through Christ, not from an organization. By God’s grace in Jesus Christ we are part of the larger, invisible church of God (Eph 4:25, 1 Cor 12) that spans human organizations and carries out his will in the world. The head of that church is Christ himself (Col 1:18, Eph 1:22-23). The benefits of this membership are numerous. The Holy Spirit lives within us, we have been given diverse spiritual gifts to use for God’s glory, we are part of a supportive community, we can grow through being accountable to each other, and we have a context through which we can serve the Lord to bring the gospel to the ends of earth, among many other things. Our responsibility towards each other is to do everything in love (1 Cor 16:14, John 13:34) and to seek peace and reconciliation (Rom 12:18, Mt 5:23-24). Communion is a symbol of our corporate fellowship with Christ, based on his broken body and the shedding of his blood for our sins. As we examine ourselves and repent of sins before taking communion (1 Cor 12:27-33), so we have the responsibility to continually be cleansed of sin in our lives and grow as Christ’s unblemished bride (Ephesians 5:25-27). Any Christian organization or church, including UBF, is subject first and foremost to the expectations of behavior for a member of the Body of Christ.

The church is greatly beloved of Christ and is a glorious manifestation of his love and purpose in the world, but it is not without its issues. Christ knows the good deeds of the church (Rev 2:2-3, 2:9-10, 2:13, 2:19, 3:8, 3:13), but he is also critical of her (Rev 2:4, 2:16, 2:20, 3:1-2, 3;15). He says to one of the churches in Revelation, “Those who I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” (Rev 3:19) In the same way, while we may love the church we are realistic about it. She should not be an idol. We don’t serve an organization or a church in a vacuum; we serve the Lord himself through the church. We acknowledge that while our Lord is perfect, his church may have blemishes and stains that require cleansing and redemption.

UBF is one small part of the body of Christ. Samuel Lee was not the founder of UBF. He started the organization along with Sarah Barry in 1961. In fact, it is almost impossible to imagine UBF ministry without both Samuel Lee and Sarah Barry. Ultimately it is God who started a ministry through UBF. God has mysteriously chosen to use fragile human beings, who have both good points and sins, in his work.

I knew Samuel Lee for more than two decades and for most of those years I was around him at least 3-4 times per week. God taught me a lot of good things through him. Overall my experiences with him and my observations of him were and still are mostly positive, though not all of it was positive and some of it was odd.

Of the 17 bullet points Joe listed related to Samuel Lee, I personally witnessed or experienced 7 of them at some point in time, though they may not have applied to everyone all of the time as you implied for a few of them. I heard about the other 10 items you mentioned happening to people. I can’t independently verify that those 10 items actually happened, but am reasonably certain that they did happen though they may not have applied to everyone all of the time as you implied for a few of them.

What do you think of getting blasted by a high pressure water hose for punishment, being forced to spend hours crawling on your knees in cold water, carrying heavy loads, and going without sleep and food for extended periods of time all the while someone is yelling at you at the top of his lungs? It sounds pretty abusive if you don’t know the context. But this is exactly what they do in the training for the Special Forces in the Navy (the SEALs), and all of those men voluntarily go through this training in order to prepare to be leaders and prepared for the harshness of real combat. One of the more inspiring videos I have seen is the 2014 Commencement Address at the University of Texas by Admiral William H. McRaven, who headed up the US Special Forces Command at one time. If you haven’t seen the video and have a spare 20 minutes, please check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70.

What do you think of being required to take a vow of poverty, chastity and obedience to the hierarchy in order to serve the Lord Jesus? This also sounds pretty restrictive, legalistic, tough and contradictory to the love and grace of Jesus, but it is exactly what they do in the Jesuit Order of the Catholic Church, from which Pope Francis came. Jesuits are trained rigorously in many ways and can’t even own the shirt on their back, but they voluntarily submit to these to grow in their faith, and to mold their character to be more humble and obedient to the Lord.

For Lee and the people who went through the things you mentioned (and more), they had a similar motivation as those who go through the training in the above examples. I think that Samuel Lee wanted UBF to be something like a Christian Special Forces and a Jesuit-type organization. Since he and Sarah Barry took the Great Commission very seriously, the driving force was their zeal to spread the gospel to the ends of the earth and to make disciples in Christ’s name. Lots of people met Christ through their Bible teaching. Many were moved by the Holy Spirit to voluntarily go through various kinds of trainings at Lee’s direction in order to learn to rely on God, to be strong in harsh circumstances and to overcome in order to be Christ’s witness. It was good training for them, and many vigorously testify to that to this day. Many voluntarily became missionaries. God used them and is still using them to share his word and his love, and to in turn make more disciples of Jesus.

But Lee’s approach was not good for everyone. The Navy SEALs give each person the option of “ringing the bell” to quit at any time. The Jesuits also provide a path out if that is not God’s call in a person’s life. In UBF, Lee and others sometimes did not present a clear way to opt out. It was his way or the proverbial highway to hell sometimes. Some did not voluntarily sign up for “training” or were not ready for it but got that treatment anyway, and this caused unnecessary problems that look like abuse. Lee was given and exerted a great deal of control over the lives of a number of people. His zeal for God, genuine compassion for people, love of the Bible, wit and insight were remarkable. These qualities made him a benevolent dictator for many he was around for the vast majority of the time. But Lee had his shortcomings, as we all do, that had amplified effects because of his position of power. A dose of Confucian cultural norms, a pinch of Korean nationalism and a smidgen of Machiavellian turpitude made Lee’s mostly unchecked power problematic at times.

The strong emphasis on mission in UBF is a wonderful thing, but when misapplied it creates some knotty issues. For example, some people may not have met Christ deeply before earnestly participating in mission work. Thus, it could have come across that a message of salvation by works was being preached rather than salvation by faith in Christ alone, and it could have been inferred that service to the church or people in the church was most imperative. In other cases, mission was put above families, causing hurt, neglect and dysfunction. Only the Lord himself deserves first place in our lives, not an organization. And putting the Lord first is not inconsistent with loving our families and being a responsible person in the world. While our church and the students on the campus are important, our families, jobs, friendships and even our enemies are an integral part of our mission of making disciples of Jesus as well as of our witness for Christ.

The good qualities that Lee possessed and practiced consistently are elements that any ministry would want to maintain. We thank God for those positive legacies in our UBF ministry, and the work of the Holy Spirit through them. However, while it is necessary to have strong leaders, there has been work to remedy and redeem continuing authoritarianism in the ministry and its consequences. Leaders are being referred to more as “Pastor” rather than “Director”. More local chapters have bodies of elders so as to provide more shared leadership, and servant leadership is being emphasized more in staff interactions. There has been a gradual transition from Korean missionary leadership to native leadership. In parallel, I am aware of UBF reaching out to several people and families who have been adversely affected by ministry practices to apologize and promote reconciliation, and I foresee the possibility of this happening on a larger scale. The time frame for all of this is now and on a continuous basis going forward. Any attempt to address everything in one fell swoop at a particular point in time with one action or with one document would be a spurious exercise.

Having said the above, it is clear that any initiative or response in any amount of time is not good enough. A lot of the issues should have been dealt with long ago, or never even should have been allowed to happen in the first place. Many of us just may not fully understand yet about how we negatively impacted some people. We are all on our own spiritual journeys, dealing with our own personal issues, wounds and sins, and are still trying to process what God has been teaching us, but there are opportunities for frank and respectful interaction in many types of forums and contexts going forward. There is room for contrition, listening to narratives that may not be to our liking, and embracing people we misunderstood, disrespected, hurt and damaged in the past. Perhaps through this process God may help us to learn more and bring healing and blessing to those who have left, as well as to those who are in UBF.

As an additional note, there are numerous other ways we may not fully understand what we have done. I know some people who worked very hard to share Bible studies and sacrificed much to help others but are discouraged because they feel that they have little or nothing to show for their efforts. I’ve seen despair over what some consider to be “fruitless” ministry. But oftentimes our work in ministry cannot be accurately measured by numbers of people in a meeting, nor any other conventional metric. Some have come to faith in Christ through Bible study in the ministry and then have gone on to serve the Lord in other ways outside of UBF. Some may not have grown to be disciples in the sense UBF understands it but have been greatly encouraged by the Bible studies and the amazing acts of kindness by our missionaries and shepherds at critical times. The faithful everyday lives of God’s people in the world are a wonderful influence and testimony. God often works in ways we do not expect. I am blown away by the reaction of the “righteous” people in the parable of the sheep and the goats (Mt 25:31-46). They were surprised to hear that they had done anything of note, but the King saw it quite differently (Mt 12:40).

I am thankful for the work of the Holy Spirit through UBF as one small part of the body of Christ and pray that God may have mercy on us to repent where necessary and do what is right in his sight. Evangelism and discipleship is only strengthened, not hurt, when we are honest about our shortcomings in the process of striving to be even more authentic disciples of Jesus Christ.

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them they should have behaved better.” It is in the same vein as Chesterton’s quote on publication. Chesterton was a journalist first, so this quote carries a lot of authority with it

“In matters of truth the fact that you don’t want to publish something is, nine times out of ten, a proof that you ought to publish it.”

With that in mind I would like you show you something I never planned on publishing. What follows is my “revised” testimony on John 10. John 10, if you recall, is the chapter where Jesus says he is the good shepherd. UBF is all about this chapter, and it is frequently used to solicit what I will call a “shepherd’s confession”. In this confession the person dedicates himself fully to being a shepherd to God’s people which sounds good. In reality the phrase means one dedicates themselves fully to UBF. There is no concept of fulfilling this shepherd calling in any other way. When I wrote my first testimony for John 10 (which was published here) I made sure to explain that Jesus is my shepherd and he will guide me, and secondly it is dangerous to take the shepherd metaphor too literally, and too far. I was told that my testimony was not enough about Jesus. I was told that I had “controversial ideas”. My ideas were compared to Stephan Hawking’s atheist responses to religion. With that in mind I wrote the following masterpiece.

John chapter 10 is about Jesus the good Shepherd. In this passage Jesus explains he is the good shepherd. Jesus protects us and takes care of us and keeps us from straying. He punishes the stubborn sheep to put them back in line. I once heard of a story of Dr. Samuel Lee who would help correct his sheep by dropping them off far away from the Chicago main center so they could learn the humility of Christ when they walked back. In this way he was a shepherd. Jesus is the gate and the only way to obtain salvation. Salvation comes only though a personal relationship with Jesus. No head knowledge is needed and it will hinder and harm a perfect walk with Christ. As Cs Lewis says “[theology] is a way, not the safest way.” In fact the Phrassies were very knowledgeable. Jesus the Shepherd wants his sheep to obey their shepherd. Jesus lays down his life for his sheep and then comes back from the dead as he is given authority to do. This is the basic premise of the passage. But what does this mean for me? It means I need to learn obedience to God’s shepherd. It means I need to accept the idea that I am to be a shepherd otherwise I cannot be sure that I will do what God strenuously desires for my soul. It means that I must be like Jesus. And who was Jesus? He was a shepherd. Since he was a shepherd I must be a shepherd. How did Christ love us? He died for us, but more importantly he made disciples and fed God’s flock. I must do the same. Otherwise I am worthless. “Woe to me if I don’t preach the gospel.” This spiritual milk, this line of reasoning, is needed to help my weak and immature heart. It is necessary to understand my role as God’s kingdom worker.

If I don’t feed God’s sheep I have no mission in my life. If I don’t feed God’s sheep I have only a worldly purpose. Christ wants everything from me. To him no half measures are any good. In perfect obedience to Him and his servants must I be otherwise I will be dead in my purpose. If I do not take up his yoke of raising disciples in accordance to Mat 23:19 I am nothing. I may as well give all I possess to the poor and surrender myself to the flames because I have not the love of Christ in my heart. My worldly pursuits and secular interests take away from the time that I could spend serving God in obedience making disciples and reading the bible. My interests cannot be divided. My key verse for this year even says as much “I would like you to be free from concern an unmarried man is concerned with the Lord’s affairs how can he please the Lord.” I pray that I can be a shepherd like Jesus.

The confusion ran high after this. It was not presented and I have not since had my testimonies edited. I guess I made my point.

“What did Jesus really mean when He said, ‘Follow Me?’”

This pamphlet has three parts:

Part I. The great invitation (Mt 4:19; Mk 1:17).

Part II. The great cost (Lk 9:23).

Part III. The great change (Mt 28:19).

Repent, deny yourself, make disciples. Without going into detail, Platt explains in Part 1 that every person’s fundamental problem is sin and that we need to repent of our sins (Mk 1:15). In Part 2 he explains our need to realize that the great cost required in following Jesus is to deny ourselves and to give of ourselves entirely to Jesus (Mt 16:24-25; Mk 8:34-35). Finally in Part 3, he states that if one is truly following Jesus he will invest his life for making disciples (Mt 28:19). Platt’s point is to speak against being nominal Christians (which is not following Jesus), and instead be a “radical” Christian who is completely sold out for Christ. This in essence is what Platt says Jesus expects of any Christian who responds to his command, “Follow me.”

Formulaic? I do not disagree with any of Platt’s main points, for I am very much pro-repentance, pro-self-denial, pro-all in for Christ, and pro-making disciples. But I do not like the way he answered this very important and fundamental question of what it means to follow Jesus. (Platt also wrote a 246 page book with the title “Follow Me: A Call to Die, A Call to Live,” which I did not read.) Perhaps, a decade ago I would have fully embraced his answers with a high five. Perhaps it might still be a good primer for new believers and a challenge to “nominal Christians.” But today I find this rather unsatisfying or formulaic, if not a turn off. Let me try to explain why.

(1) The focus and emphasis is on YOUR PROBLEM–SIN–rather than on God’s mercy, love, grace and forgiveness. Basically, “your problem is sin and you must repent…or else…”

(2) Thus, the focus is on what is wrong and bad and sinful and horrible (YOU) rather than what is right and good and holy and wonderful (God).

(3) It primarily addresses and emphasizes what you must do (repent, deny yourself, make disciples) rather than on what Jesus has done for us through his incarnation, condescension, suffering, crucifixion, death, resurrection and ascension.

(4) While there is mention and affirmation of it, yet there does not seem to be any great proclamation or excitement regarding God’s goodness, grace and generosity, nor is there any awe and expression of how truly majestic, magnanimous, marvelous and mysterious our God is.

(5) In my opinion, such a presentation of what it means to follow Jesus makes Christians rather judgmental and critical of others (perhaps without realizing it), rather than on being loving, gracious, generous and ever forgiving and patient Christians like our God.

Judgmental Christians. I think that when following Jesus is articulated, expressed and communicated in such ways, it may be little wonder why Christians often come across as being judgmental, intolerant, angry and impatient toward those who sin (which is basically everybody …. except themselves!). We are judgmental of those who, in our opinion, do not repent, deny themselves, or are not making disciples. Some Christians even come across as being constipated and intolerant of anyone who is not a Christian like themselves; they are rather ungracious and condescending toward “other Christians” who are not living like them, making disciples like them, marrying like them, dressing like them, behaving like them, preaching like them, etc. It is for these reasons (and more) that I dislike the above answers as to what it means to follow Jesus. Perhaps, Platt does a more wholesome and comprehensive job in his book.

David Platt may be a wonderful Christian, pastor and preacher. I heard David Platt preach on missions from Revelation 5 a few years ago at a Gospel Coalition conference. He is gifted and passionate with much heartfelt unction. I loved his sermon and preaching. So this is not a criticism of Platt as a person, preacher or pastor, but simply of his pamphlet.

What does it mean to follow Jesus? I am sorry that I did not answer this question myself, but only critiqued the way Platt answered it.

Do you agree or disagree with my reasons regarding Platt’s answers to what it means to follow Jesus? Do such answers appeal to non-Christians? Christians? Are such answers good, satisfactory and adequate?

The Work of Satan?

In a recent message also posted publicly, a ubf missionary mentions the situation in Mexico as the work of Satan. Here are the more detailed prayer topics:

First, God blessed M. Timothy and Hannah so far looking at their beautiful lives of sacrifice for the work in Mexico.

Second, what is happening now came from Satan for his hatred towards all believers and to attack the Conference in Mexico in April 2-5.

Third, I was very surprised to see M. Timothy’s faith which is as strong as Job’s, and M. Hannah is so different from Job’s wife. She was calm and always praying despite the difficult situation. I saw that they believe in God as their living redeemer.

Fourth, I could trust that the living Lord, our redeemer will end these problems very soon and that he will make them even more prosper in his belongings and also in their children– this doesn’t mean they will have two more children, they are no longer in an age to have more children, but God can give them more children in some other way: by giving children to M. John and M. Goh Eun, and in the case of Hannah Jr, by giving her a good husband for her house church and many spiritual children).

http://www.ubf.org/world-mission-news/latin-america/sunday-worship-message-jose-ahn-delivered-guadalajara-ubf

The Rest of the Story

The message above says this: “Now all of the coworkers in Mexico and other countries know how difficult times M. Timothy is going through.” I can’t help but wonder this: Do they? Do they really know the seriousness of what is happening? Is this really Satan’s work? Or might this be a work of God calling our ubfriends out of silence and to do the right things? If no crimes were committed, why not just come clean and share what is going on? If we are going to pray, shouldn’t we know a bit more about the situation?

The internet has numerous copies of this story, and there is an ongoing investigation into what the ubf missionaries were doing in their sock/garment business. Here is a small sampling of the stories being reported in the news media.

Mexico rescues 129 workers ‘abused’ by S.Korean firm

“Authorities raided the company in the town of Zapopan on Wednesday after receiving an anonymous tip, INM coordinator Ardelio Vargas Fosado told reporters, describing the South Koreans as a “gang of suspected human traffickers.”

Officials rescued 121 women and eight men, including six minors who were 16 and 17 years old.

The workers told prosecutors that they were “victims of physical and sexual abuse, as well as threats, psychological harm and grueling work days,” Vargas Fosado said.

The four South Koreans could not prove whether they legally lived in Mexico. The South Korean consulate was notified to provide assistance to the suspects, officials said.

Workers at Yes International, a company run by South Koreans, watch as Mexican police conduct a raid … Jalisco’s chief prosecutor, Luis Carlos Najera, said authorities are investigating whether child abuse and sexual crimes were committed.

The employees toiled in “unsanitary” conditions, with pollutants in their place of work, and the material they handled posed a fire hazard while the company had no fire safety equipment, said Victor Manuel Torres Moreno, a labor ministry official.”

http://news.yahoo.com/mexico-rescues-129-workers-abused-korean-firm-212651990.html

Korean company denies accusations

“Last week, Attorney General Luis Carlos Najera, revealed that some people who were “rescued” were under psychological treatment, since they had developed the “Stockholm Syndrome”; ie they had achieved affinity occupationally who presumably abused them.”

(translation to English link to this story)

Workers want factory reopened in Zapopan

“The company issued a statement this week to deny the charges against it. President Nak Bong Rhee Choi said the accusations were unfounded, although he admitted there had been a labor investigation but the firm was collaborating with authorities. It had committed no crimes, he said.”

http://mexiconewsdaily.com/news/workers-want-factory-reopened-zapopan/

Thursday

I arrived late Thursday and had a very long talk with one of the students from the Hyde Park chapter. He asked how things had been. Honestly the messages in my chapter have greatly changed in the last year. I really see that God has worked on my pastor. He no longer adds world mission into places where I do not feel it is obvious. Our relationship is better these days, and he understands that our relationship is very different. I try to understand him more, and I try to communicate more with him. The student was glad to hear. We talked a lot and I got to sleep very late. I had requested to have bible study with the chapter leader the next morning so I was very tired by the time I awoke. He asked me to read the book of Ephesians and give a brief outline.

Friday

I brought my outline to the bible study. I outlined the book as such:

• Blessings of the Spirit
• Who Christ is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
• Who Paul is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
What the Church is and its role in God’s redemptive plan.
• How the church ought to act to carry out that plan and how its members should act to help carry out that plan.
• A call to persevere against Satan.

He showed me his outline which was much more detailed. We talked about how the church should proclaim the kingdom. And he taught me how the church should shepherd God’s people, but the context of John 10 needed to be carefully understood. He said that UBF has been given shepherds. I mentioned that while the sacrificial nature of UBF shepherds and their great love for their students was its strength sometimes it was had been over stepped. He corrected me “Many times.” He mentioned that shepherds proclaim the kingdom. It was a very good bible study. Later that day I went to campus night.

Campus Night

People were totally bewildered to see me. I think in large part because I was unaccompanied by my “shepherd”. I suppose it is also surprising to see someone travel such a long way when they are really obligated in any way. It didn’t escape my notice that Yvonne Lee stared for a long time. I eventually moved to the back and when I saw Dr. Augustine he was shocked to see me.

Later Dr. John Lee from Springfield joined. The first speaker was Jacob Lee. I remember he was funny. At one point he said “I was not good enough to called Abraham so they named me Jacob which means deceiver. But I came to like the name since he had 12 sons.” I was put off by his talk. The powerpoint read “Why UBF should remain in world mission.” I didn’t believe this was a point of debate, and furthermore his answer amounted to- because UBF always has. Just because something has always been done one way does not mean it has to. But eventually he made his point. He presented from Stephan Lutz book calling campus mission strategic. I won’t go into details but he gives an outline from that book.

Mark V was the next speaker. His talk was on the history of campus mission movements. Mark V spoke incredibly fast. I was having a hard time keeping up with him. He also had a pained look on his face. I later found out he was in extreme back pain, and I suspect he was trying to get through it as fast as possible. What really struck me about his presentation was that campus mission movements grew out of YMCAs and the student volunteer movement in the mid 19th century. That explains a lot. American imperialism and a drive to evangelize the world have often went hand in hand (along with all their problems too). And here we see it.

It was remarkable how so many of the ideas of the founders of the campus movement are so similar to the ideas that Samuel Lee would later speak of. Hearing these ideas from someone who doesn’t have the history of Samuel Lee gave them more of an air of legitimacy. The frequent quotes from the founders of the student volunteer movement and its role as a parachurch were very helpful for me to understand the core foundational ideas behind UBF and its relation to Christian doctrine and why at times this has been a weak point in campus mission movements.

Kevin Albright went on to give a survey of Intervarsity. He mentioned that they do a lot of the same things as UBF. They do inductive bible study for instance. He also mentioned that many people in their organization were not encouraged at times, and the author of the book he read on Intervarsity regrets that they were not given more help. One thing he mentioned that struck me was that Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) was more for new converts and Intervarsity was more for discipleship.

Here he meant “discipleship” as “become a more mature Christian”. But for me I have always understood discipleship as growing in Christ in whatever capacity the Holy Spirit moved you. For me I have been taught that a Christian is a disciple and a disciple is a Christian (Acts 11:26, Ephesians 2:19-22). So for me telling me someone is not a disciple is the same as saying they are not Christian. But one can be a Christian and not mature. Although it is dangerous to judge or label, a goal of maturing Christians is a noble one at the very least (this makes no mention of the methods however). To call UBF a “discipleship ministry” has always been redundant to me.

In the next article I will talk about the last few speakers. I was more than a little surprised (and inspired) by their testimonies. I also caught up to someone on Joe Schafer’s recent letter, so I will include that next time too.

On “the UBF side,” there are countless reports over five decades of just how wonderful UBF is and how much UBF missionaries gave up their beloved homeland and family in order to suffer and sacrifice endlessly for world campus mission sparing no cost. But the UBF side does not mention anything bad or any wrongdoing. They also usually have much anger, displeasure and a defensive and offensive posture whenever anything bad is brought up regarding UBF.

On the other side–“the side hurt or abused by UBF”–there are detailed explanations as to just how bad, dishonest, abusive, elitist, and/or controlling UBF has been throughout the world. But understandably they have difficulty mentioning the good of UBF because of having been lorded over for decades, oppressed and subjugated by the foreign missionary culture, gossiped about, caricatured, and spoken ill of by some UBF leader who often denies wrongdoing or claims misunderstandng or miscommunication if ever directly confronted.

Sadly, but understandably, both sides have had much difficulty to genuinely listen to and empathize with “the other side,” since both sides are often deeply hurt and also deeply entrenched on their own side. The hurt seems to come primarily from feeling betrayed (the UBF side) or feeling taken advantage of–often for decades (the other side).

Brian, however, in announcing his upcoming new ventures and adventures, thanks UBF for three things in his last post:

1. for 15,000+ hours of reading and sharing about the Bible,
2. for his wife, and
3. for UBF people being there for him when his dad passed away in 1989.

Bad. Those who have read UBFriends are likely familiar with “the bad of UBF” that has been written and commented on by numerous persons on numerous occasions from numerous countries and continents over the last four years. Notably the issues are primarily related to authoritarianism, spiritual abuse and control in the name of shepherding and “spiritual order,” lack of transparency, dishonesty (basically lying), unhealthy and oppressive dependent relationships, no accountability of leaders, “marriage by faith” used as a political tool to benefit one’s own ministry and to control and “train” singles (but not second gens of long-standing leaders and missionaries — according to some), etc.

Good. Yes, the bad is unpleasant to state and read, especially by the UBF side. What about the good of UBF? I have personally experienced them, which I know without a doubt is entirely the hand of God that choose to bless me through UBF, amid the bad.

My mystical conversion happened after I began 1:1 Bible study in 1980 with a missionary doctor in Chicago. I became a Christian after just 2 lessons of Genesis Bible study.

I married the best woman by being introduced to her by Samuel Lee 6 months after I began Bible study and joined UBF. I married her 4 months later. I know without a doubt that if not for UBF I would not be married.

A very happy UBF chapter. Though I never thought of being a preacher or starting a church, by God’s grace through a series of interesting events, God enabled me to be both a preacher and start a church in my fifth decade of life, which is quite unusual. I explained how West Loop UBF began in 2008. We became a very happy UBF church. This is a synopsis of our liberating West Loop experience from 2008 to 2014.

Oops. As I wrote this, I suddenly remembered that I had previously written something similar: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of UBF. Sorry for rehashing some similar points.

Is it hard to share both the good and bad of UBF? Is it easier to share either just the good or just the bad?

And this is what Ferguson needs. It needs laws that do not bind us to inaction. This country needs laws that do not allow police offices that are legally allows to shoot an unarmed teen over nine times and leave him in the street for four and half hours. Ferguson needs a state prosecutor who is not legally allowed to give out statues deems unconstitutional in 1985 and correct them three days before deliberation ends. Ferguson needs to know that justice exists. It needs to know that our country of laws values black lives and white lives in the same manner. It needs to know that tear gassing protesters and bringing in a militarized police force is imperious. It needs to know that in our country stealing cigars is not punishable by death. It needs to know that excessive force in the name of protection is a means that undoes an end.

Ferguson needs peace makers- blessed are they. It needs impractical men. Men who are willing to stand up for what is right and just and true.  Ferguson needs the most impractical, practical men. Men who judge actions, and furthermore act. Vox populi vox dei is our maxim. Our actions can only be successful when they are over, if we are to begin they must in the abstract right. My conscience rejects that an unarmed black teen deserved death for not getting out of the street fast enough. I have been to those neighborhoods. I have taught teens just like Michael Brown. I nearly became Michael Brown’s math teacher. For all of my experience it is clear that authority does not grant freedom from the law. Authority exists in the context of law, not in spite of it. If the laws allow for such a heinous action then the laws themselves are unjust. Prudence dictates that law ought not to be changed for light and passing causes, but change in the law ought not to be intractable. Mankind will suffer under the law before it changes the law assuming the law is sufferable. But when the law itself allows for the destruction of the basic tenet of existence perquisite to the law itself- life, it becomes not only a necessity but duty of the people to stand against the law, practically in the form of protests. Impractically in the creation of new laws and examination of the old law to determine the protection of all people regardless of race, religion, creed, or gender. This is what Ferguson needs. It is what the world needs. Behind this law lies the mysterious person who fulfilled the law. He is justice itself. He is what Ferguson needs more than all, for he who has Christ and everything has nothing more than he who has Christ alone.

I stand with the people of Ferguson. May Christ stand with them as well.

Anyways, hearing all these warnings makes me wonder: why do they say those things? Why do they not want me to dialogue with certain people or read certain articles? And thus I decided that I am going to write an article to discuss: a.) the reasons why people tell me not to visit this forum and b.) the reasons why I go to this forum.

You should not read ubfriends

1.) Basically it’s the argument of, “it’s a waste of time.” Many have told me, “if there are issues they should be discussed face to face, not over the internet.” But this implies that the role of ubfriends is to solve the issues of UBF. If that’s what you think the purpose of this site is, I have news for you: that’s not what the role of this site is. The only one who can solve the issues is God himself. Moreover, we could have a whole discussion on what a “waste of time is,” but that’s for a different article.

2.) “BrianK and Ben Toh are a bad influence.” I have heard this many a time and I am sure that they have too. But I learn a lot from them and they are people who make me think. We have different views, but my goal in life is not to surround myself with clones of myself and only talk to those who make me feel comfortable. There’s no challenge or growth in that. One author I read took a management course at Oxford and in one lecture they were told, “Talk to people you really respect- even if they disagree with you. These people will help you make better decisions because they will present you with possibilities you might not agree with, but which might be right.” I lived in a country that is 99% non-Christian. Did it cause me to lose my faith? (If you believe that faith can be lost, another topic for a different article.) Nope. Do I want to be sheltered from contradictory worldviews? Nope.

3.) “Don’t be a cynic.” People who have told me not to frequent ubfriends come from both sides of the spectrum. One side is from those who don’t want me to comment on this site because they know I comment about them and the other side with those who care for my spiritual and emotional health. Honestly, it’s easy to be a cynic, but I don’t want to be a cynic and I cannot be a cynic. JC is alive and moving to this day. God can use a donkey to speak his words; he even uses you and me to accomplish his will. It’s a miracle. As BK said, there are glimpses of the gospel everywhere.

Reasons I read ubfriends, comment and submit articles

1.) Respect- I respect the ideas of those who dialogue on this site. Those who share here are critical thinkers. I am not one to go with the flow or be silent when I disagree. I used to be like that, but through the support of friends and family I have been able to find my voice. I am glad there are people who share the value of critical thinking.

2.) Growth- I still remember when Dr. Ben first showed me this site. The article he showed me was about Spiritual Abuse and it voiced many of the things I felt were wrong, but could never say aloud. This is a place for people to talk about the elephants in the room and find others who have gone through the same things and can help others along the way.

3.) Interactive/Dynamic Communication- When I submit an article I get feedback on what others think. It sharpens my arguments and helps me consider angles I wouldn’t have considered before. It’s all about collaboration; this is a 21st century skill and community is indispensable to the Christian life.

4.) Question everything- I love questions. I love when people answer my questions. I have one old-school professor right now who only gives one-way lectures. He doesn’t even give us time to ask questions at the end. During his lectures I have my hand up and he sees me, but he keeps going on and on. It drives me crazy. To solve this issue I decided to just do homework during his lectures and to take his classes online instead of face-to-face. I need to interact with information. Some people find this annoying, especially when I ask the same question over and over again, but that’s the way I process information.

So my question for you is: Why do you read ubfriends? Do you agree with the reasons to read or not to read? Do you think it is wrong to air out personal issues in public? Has anyone told you to not read ubfriends or talk to BK/ Ben Toh?

I have only been in my current chapter for a little over a year now, but I feel like what happened last night was something, by accounts of many former and current long standing members that at the very least was very new. Instead of having a bible study, testimony sharing bible symposium my pastor decided that we should do something to minister to non-believers, or sceptics. This was a key idea in Stephan Lutz’s book that was required reading for UBF leaders recently. The idea that book, of which I cannot recall the name, is that if only minister to the churched we are not really fulfilling the great commission. As followers of Christ we must take the message to the places that need it the most and this includes hostile arenas. In my experience colleges offer the most hostile arenas for the modern evangelist. I can recall just two days ago a pastor coming to SIUE to preach on the quad. He was assaulted by an atheist after affirming that Levitical Law was the word of God (to be fair to all involved, his wording could have been a little bit better in light of Galatians…) I was very inspired by the change I saw in my pastor’s move for this. Here are some things of note.

An Unrestricted Forum

As a teacher I know well the danger that comes with an unrestricted forum. It can lead to some major issues. If we allow for all opinions, it is very easy to run into situations where people’s emotions get the best of them. It also allows for people to make themselves looks vulnerable (read: stupid). The bonus is it allows for some major change in people. The degree in which is can be bad is also the degree in which it can be good. I was under the impression that the conversation would be more of a panel style. This would allow for no possibility of the above problems. When I arrived I found that it was more of an open forum. I also discovered we had ran out of room. We had so many students that half the missionaries moved to the hall to make room.

The bible answer men

We looked hard to find an authority to host the forum. Some more prominent UBF leaders such as Dr. Ben Toh were invited but regrettably could not make it. I was selected by default because I had lived for 4 years with an atheist in college. My former roommate’s father also joined me. The pastor made the 3^rd but we still wanted a key note answer man. For this I invited Missionary Nirosh from Springfield UBF. He is fairly new to UBF in Springfield. Nirosh is quite a character. He is originally from Sri Lanka. He tried Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam and Rastafarianism before he came to Christianity. He has missioned in Papua New Guinea, India and Indonesia mostly dealing with tribal peoples. He is the most graceful man I know. In addition to runing a company that helps various groups improve their public image, he is also frequently called in when various Christian organizations need advice on changing their image. He was truly a God send. Nirosh is also the most graceful man I know and he delivers the message in Springfield UBF once a month.

Adam

Adam was the only actual atheist who was there. All the other students in attendance were Christian. I want to note two things from this. First I believe that many college Christians want answers to the challenges to Christianity. They don’t merely seek the basic gospel, for many growing up in church this has all been made known to them. Many college Christians fall away from faith because these lingering doubts grow and go unanswered. Adam had a list of questions to answer and instead of a panel style discussion it turned into Adam asking a list of questions he brought and the whole room answering him. I tried to directly answer him as best as I could. Nirosh’s answers would often times be so full of grace I felt as though they could not be possibly convincing but never the less this caused Adam to soften as the night went on. He was not so hostile by the end and I was thankful for his arrival. He was born and raised a Jew, so he actually had a very accurate knowledge of the Old Testament. Things became awkward when he said something that one of the missionary’s daughters took as an accusation. Her voice was calm but I could tell she was livid. He apologized and things moved along.

The Mormon

The last topic on the agenda was the exclusivity and sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Adam quickly asked which Christianity we meant and I said that we meant traditional Christianity as affirmed by the Nicene Creed. I paused and then said “We must also add the Anathansian Creed. It gives the doctrine of the trinity. The word “trinitas” appears nowhere in the New Testament. We will exclude other Christian groups who do not hold this such as Mormonism.” This caused a Mormon to become very upset with me. She said I had no right or authority to claim Mormonism was not Christianity and she had known Christ all her life. She said she was unsure of where I heard such a claim. I remarked as such “I may be wrong, but my source is Ravi Zacharias. He is a well-known theologian who actually spoke at the Mormon tabernacle some years ago.” My pastor then asked her about the trinity. I was upset but then something remarkable happened. Paul started speaking to her about how God was coeternal and that only the sacrifice of Jesus was needed for salvation. “No!” he nearly yelled when she objected “Only the sacrifice of Jesus is necessary.” This was in stark contrast to the Mormon version of things which says that Jesus is not atonement but actually an example. That we must follow the law. Nirosh turned to the Adam and said “This is why we don’t bring these things up.” Adam smiled. This woman and my pastor had a discussion on the faith vs works and the trinity with my pastor citing On the Incarnation of the Word to refute her. At some point Nirosh calmed things down by saying that while she may not believe in those aspects of Mormonism he had spoken with Mormons who denied that God was triune.

 
Conclusion
Overall I felt like the conference was a great success despite the awkwardness I felt at times. I am unsure I want to be the answer man again because it was very frightening to me at times. With my friends who are unbelievers I can speak easily, but to total strangers it requires a lot more confidence that felt lacking in me at times.

Gentle and kind

Boring and predictable. Many have stated that UBF tends to be boring and predictable in the way the Bible is taught and presented over the decades. I hope that UBFriends does not similarly become boring and predictable by unrelentingly blasting away against UBF.

Mission, mission, mission Vs. bashing, bashing, bashing. Many have said that virtually every UBF Bible study, sermon and postings on UBF websites is primarily mission, mission, mission. Such a repeated emphasis on mission cannot but overshadow or even obscure all the countless other (perhaps far more) important teachings of the Bible, such as the Trinity, reconciliation, unity, justice, equality, honesty, friendships, relationships, condescension (instead of being condescending), etc. Likewise, is UBFriends going to be primarily known as bashing, bashing, bashing, even though there are so many other excellent topics and themes that have been written?

While accusing UBF leaders of playing God, is UBFriends doing the same thing? Many have accused some UBF leaders and shepherds of acting and behaving as though they are the Holy Spirit, as though their knowledge and assessment of their sheep is perfect and correct. In the past they have made highly offensive and reprehensible statements like “selfish Americans,” “Polish pride,” “beggar mentality Filipinos,” etc. Obviously no American, Pole or Filipino likes this. Do we now do the same thing by slamming and bashing UBF?

God is omniscient, we are not. God’s (Jesus’) assessment and judgement of us is objective and correct, even perfect, because God sees and knows every heart perfectly. But our judgment of others, even when based on observable facts and evidences, has elements of subjectivity, bias and prejudices because we do not know the deep intricacy of the hearts of others, and not even our own hearts.

Endless proof-texting. We can quote endless verses about how Jesus blasted others, especially the crooked and malicious religious leaders. Others can also similarly quote countless verses about how Jesus was endlessly gentle, patient and kind toward the wicked (which is everyone). Quoting verses is perhaps a stalemate.

Gentle, meek, lowly, kind. Since I’m writing this, let me quote my preferred verses that I believe exemplify Christ. (Feel free to quote “opposite verses!”) “A gentle tongue can break a bone” (Prov 25:15, NIV). “A soft tongue will break a bone” (Prov 25:15, ESV). “Soft speech can break bones” (Prov 29:25, NLT). “Blessed are the gentle / the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Mt 5:5, NASB; Mt 5:5, ESV). “I am gentle and humble / lowly in heart” (Mt 11:29, NIV; Mt 11:29, ESV). “Love is patient, love is kind” (1 Cor 13:4).

Don’t stop speaking up. I am absolutely NOT saying that people should stop speaking up against authoritarianism, elitism, exclusivity, cultural imperialism, injustices, spiritual abuse and controlling others in the name of shepherding and discipleship, etc. In fact if you do not speak up when you hear or see something wrong, you are either indifferent or a wimp as a Christian. But for those who do speak up, is there a way to speak up online in a kinder and gentler way, and not predominantly with the predictable accusatory rhetoric and polemic attack of Mt 23:13-39?

What if UBF refuses to do any or all of the following? Be accountable? Genuinely apologize? Own up with contrition or take responsibility for spiritual abuse? Stop slandering and speaking ill of anyone who dares to critique UBF or who leaves UBF? Acknowledge that their shepherding, training methods and their implicit no dating and marriage by faith policies are unbiblical and controlling? Stop justifying itself by their (gospel of) good intentions (which excuses the abuse)? Then what?

Even if many are changing, some may never change. I personally believe that many are genuinely changing, albeit rather slowly, if not invisibly. But there is also a very distinct possibility that some others–perhaps in the absolute minority–who will never change. Then what? Do we thrash the whole orchard because of a few bad apples? Do we damage the whole field of wheat while trying to remove a few weeds? Do we wound and hurt the majority of “good” UBF people, just because we want to relentlessly call out the few “bad” people, who may never change no matter what is said or done?

At the end of the day is Jesus remembered for blasting sinners (which we all deserve without exception) or dying for sinners (which we do not deserve)? What is UBFriends, in her present state and form and emphasis, going to be remembered for?

Is it possible for UBFriends to be gentler, kinder, milder, meeker, more patient, more self-introspection, less accusatory, and not be a predominantly one message website of predictably bashing UBF as though our assessment and judgment of UBF is perfect like that of God’s?

Dear Ethics & Accountability Committee,

There was a problem with the formatting of yesterday’s email, so I’m reformatting it. As I indicated yesterday, I’m not interested in “normal” email interaction. I am seeking a thoughtful response in the coming weeks from the committee after you’ve had a chance to meet and discuss my three requests.

(I am copying some of my friends on this email; please read the public content disclaimer below)

As someone who spent 24 years committed to ubf ministry, who lead my family and fellowship at ubf faithfully and ethically for decades, and who is still highly invested in ubf ministry even after leaving in 2011, I am asking you as a committee to consider three requests seriously, honestly and openly.

1. Can you please make the Ethics & Accountability contact info public?

Some ubf members have asked me from time to time how to contact you. I am grateful that Alan posted a new email address on our ubfriends.org blog recently, so I’m using that email. I will continue to give out your email addresses when asked. However, your own organization members are having difficulty understanding and finding your contact info. You might want to consider a phone number or TXT number also, since some of your members need some immediate help and cannot wait for email replies.

2. Will you please find a way to address people leaving your organization?

I just finished another coaching session for one of your student leaders. Over the course of the last 7 days, this person reached out to me daily as they left your ministry. In this case, they left peacefully. This process has happened numerous times over the past 3 years. It is painful for me to do this but I do it joyfully because people are eager to know the truth about various issues affecting your organization. And they are adults capable of making their own decisions. This particular person was amazed to find that there are good Christians outside your organization. I plan on continuing my exit counseling. But I hope you will intentionally and publicly open the door for people to leave and end the permanent shepherd/sheep relationships if they want.

3. Would you please read my 3 books? http://www.amazon.com/Brian-Karcher/e/B00JAPPDEO

The rumors about me and my family have been wild to say the least. Some have considered us the “anti-Christ” and “doing Satan’s work” or “possibly filled with an evil spirit”. Most have simply ignored us, dismissed us and act as though we are dead. But we are not dead. Please read my three books and consider my perspective on my life as having at least some validity. News media has contacted me about my books, and I will speak to them when they contact me again. I am willing to do an open book signing/Q&A any time you would like and that fits our schedules.

I love our Lord Jesus the same as you do. I love the Holy Scriptures as you do. And I am compelled to act by the Holy Spirit.

Grace and peace,

Brian Karcher
http://about.me/brianjkarcher

*** Disclaimer: The content of this email is intended to be public and anything written in this email or in reply to this may be used in public blogs.

“Just obey” may cause PTSD reactions

This is not biblical obedience. An “American shepherd” was introduced to “marry by faith” with a “Korean shepherdess.” But he politely declined. Then he was told without equivocation and in all seriousness, “YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO SAY ‘NO.’” After that he was told that because of his disobedience he had to leave that UBF chapter. (Does this cause PTSD reactions?) This is not biblical obedience, but teaching obedience to a human person. It tainted and jaded him to some degree. Because of such a humiliating church experience, I began to understand why PTSD reactions happen in some people who have been in UBF.

Why share such negative and discouraging stories. Some UBFers have angrily accused me of being negative, critical and discouraging because I share such stories publicly. But I do so because such “negative” stories are often not welcomed, not in emails or even in private discussion among some senior leaders. Also, there have been no proper official channels for such issues to be seriously addressed (without being pacified or patronized), or for it to be dealt with fairly and promptly. Yes, UBFriends is often messy and it may not be the optimal place to share this. But is there really an optimal place to share this anywhere? My hope is that as such accounts are known more and more in my church, they will happen less and less.

Obedience to the gospel. For the record, I still preach, teach and encourage obedience, but never to me, and never to UBF. Rather, I teach, promote and emphasize (willing, not coerced) obedience primarily in response to the gospel by personally knowing the grace of Jesus and the love of God and the presence of the Holy Spirit.

Faith and Obedience. I had originally intended to write a theological exposé entitled Faith and Obedience. If you are interested to critique it and dialogue about it, I posted it on my blog here. So the above posting sort of just happened randomly!

Do you have any obedience stories or PTSD stories to share?

Our purpose is to foster open interpersonal communication on spiritual matters that leads to Christian community:

Christ + Communication = Unity

Unity is not the same thing as uniformity. Christians do not all think alike. There are some basic beliefs that we hold in common, but there is a diversity of opinion on many issues within the Body of Christ. As the gospel welcomes people of every tribe and tongue and nation, it also challenges us to stretch ourselves beyond what is comfortable. The degree to which we imitate Christ is not measured by how much we love those who are similar to us, but by how much we embrace those who are different.

This website is not intended to promote or denigrate UBF or any organization. Our purpose is to serve people by giving them an independent forum to learn, to think, and to express themselves in a healthy and friendly manner. We hope that this website will

• foster multi-way conversations among friends
• open new channels of communication and friendships among people of different ages and backgrounds, overcoming prejudice and stereotypes
• help members of UBF develop stronger connections to the broader Christian community
• help us to see multiple sides of difficult issues and truly learn from one another, even when we do not agree

Though some in UBF, particularly long-standing leaders, will either denigrate or disagree with the mere existence of this site, I’m of the opinion that the four goals listed above are being fulfilled (albeit in a messy but honest manner).

While there exists a slew of silent readers who make their presence known through either ‘liking’ or ‘disliking’ articles and comments, the most vocal participants here are those from the so-called ‘lost generation’. These are current and former UBF members who were passed over for key leadership positions for a variety of vaguely-defined and, in some cases, unfair reasons. Though I am a perpetual pessimist, I don’t agree with the aforementioned moniker (and for the remainder of this article I would like to refer to the ‘losts’ as the ‘founds’). The reason being is that it seemingly invalidates everything that that particular generation went through. To the contrary, due to the sheer volume of composite life experiences and knowledge of the found generation, I believe that they are playing a vital role in the current, changing ministry landscape. From an ideological point of view, the conversations I’ve had with the founds on this site have been beyond eye-opening and helpful. In turn, these new ideological views have positively augmented my relationships with others in UBF. As conversations with others in my peer group indicate, I am not the only one who has benefited from the dialogues here.

As a member of the younger generation in UBF, I have a request or plea for those in the found generation. First, let me begin by stating that I’m thankful for those of you who are willing to communicate with those in the younger generation in an honest and discreet manner. Again, I’ve benefited greatly from such conversations. These conversations have consisted of serving as a sounding board for new ideas, providing helpful and compassionate counsel as well as biblically sound resources from other ministries.

One suggestion for the site is for those in the found generation to write articles geared toward the younger generation as to how to artfully, respectfully and courageously engage older members and leaders in UBF. My strong belief is that change in UBF will be a bottom-up approach. This is currently happening and in order for it to continue, those with substantial ministry and life experience have to continually invest in and inform the younger generation. This is obviously occurring on this website, but my hope is that it would become a more focused and balanced practice here.

I also understand that many who have begun to break out of the UBF paradigm, whether while remaining in UBF or leaving, are still grappling with overcoming wounds and negative thought patterns which were imposed by the ministry. Still, it is plainly obvious that you all have much to contribute to the younger generation, if only to point them toward good resources and gleanings from your own personal life experiences.

Lastly, I would ask that those who are writing books about their experiences in UBF consider blogging their books on ubfriends as well. This would serve to make the ministry more transparent. Additionally, blogging such material will reach a wider audience and thus perhaps promote even more dialogue.

For my part, though I have experienced the negative side of the ministry, I can also say that I have been immensely blessed by the genuine believers within the ministry. I came to the ministry in 2003, almost immediately after Samuel Lee passed away. Since my time here, I have seen many positive changes in some of the elders and older missionaries. I’ve also established some significantly deep friendships while here. My experience being what it is, my future publications will most likely be concerned with writing about the positive aspects of UBF. However, when need be, I will also be painfully and brutally honest about any negativity I witness in the ministry. And as one who is obsessed with the idea that ideological viewpoints play a vital role in informing healthy practice, I aim to publish articles on broad-sweeping topics such as hermeneutics, cultural contextualization of the gospel and the like. In my previous article, my aim was not to promote the idea that we should refrain from discussing the unhealthy practices of some of UBF’s key leaders. Instead, I wanted to take a healthy step back from the incessant railing against said leaders so as to frame our perceptions and accusations in a more objective and judicial light. At the end of the day, it is entirely your prerogative as to what you wish to publish. I’m merely presenting a request to have more focused dialogue which is in line with the site’s audacious yet attainable mission statement.

Though I am trying, I honestly struggle to understand those who came to the ministry in the 80’s and 90’s and stayed for a considerable amount of time. If I ever come off as unsympathetic or glib, please call me out and most importantly pray for me to understand the perspectives of others.

My hope is that the ‘losts’ may see themselves as the ‘founds’ who have much to contribute to a growing generation of leaders within UBF. To paraphrase Isaac Newton, the vantage point of the younger generation is either greatly reduced or heightened by how much they are able to glean from the generations that preceded them. As the younger generation in UBF engages in conversations with the biblical text, church historians throughout the ages and the visionaries and contemporaries of our day, we would be undeniably remiss to neglect those in the generation that, in some sense, paved the way for us. As I said, ‘lost’ is an ill-prescribed moniker and if anything they are actually the missing link or the key to understanding UBF in its current state. Let the lost then, as they pursue and engage the younger generation in profound conversation, become the serendipitously found.

Stats

We have had over 12,000 comments from 319 people in 4 years, stemming from over 400 articles. Comments have come from both former and current ubf people, and from dozens of countries around the world.

…And no Ben you don’t get credit for being #1 this time :)

Here is the break down of the top 10 commenters.

If anyone would like to see other stats, please make a request and I’ll post more.

Here is  a list of ubfriends contributors of articles. Are all of these people former ubf people? Are they just spreading rumors? This time you get the #1 spot Ben as the most prolific author here!

Very useful points for me to note are:

1. “Dismissing an entire community’s efforts.” I failed to realize this.
2. “It is not necessarily my duty to always cover all grounds.” Yet, I should do my best to do so.
3. “Not countering what I write with any mention of people’s good underlying, heart’s intention.” I’ve done this occasionally, but not often enough.
4. “Some, even many do have a right heart’s motive.” I believe that this is true, and that they would be hurt by the dismissive way I write.
5. “They may have been misled to think that using social pressure is okay.” I keep pounding this point, but I perhaps should back off on this, or write about this very tenderly and gingerly (which I may not know how to do).
6. “Many people just want to be used by God for the salvation of souls and the development of Jesus’ disciples.” Without a doubt I know that this is true. I should remember Phil 1:18.

I thought this is so useful for me to remember and consider every time I need to express myself or write something. Any additional useful pointers? Refutations?

John Armstrong’s Article

In 2007, our friend John Armstrong wrote a series of blog articles about his interactions with ubf. I find it sobering, helpful and intriguing to look back on my comments and other’s comments in 2007. Here are my thoughts today.

John’s good advice

John gave us all wise words to consider back then. I find these thoughts to be quite sobering and true.

“If you are not extremely careful you will project your response toward UBF on to everything that you now think and do as a Christian, responding as if UBF is the whole story of your life.”

“Remember the examples of those who have learned to pray for their enemies as our Lord taught them and us. And recall that even he urges us to do good to those who have done evil to us.”

“This is a primary issue that counselors face every day with adult children who were abused by their parents. The child, who is now an adult, must finally come to grasp a simple fact—¬they may never be completely restored in a healthy way to their abusive parent(s). The child will eventually have to learn to let this go, step by painful step. And the child will also need to forgive the parent without agreeing with everything the parent says or does. Many parents will even deny that they ever did anything wrong at all in such circumstances. Christ wants to heal these types of pains in all of us but we must invite him to do so and pursue him for it in good faith.”

Former member’s comments

The comments by former ubf members back in 2007 were just too much for my small mind to process at the time. I had just finished 2 years of intense ubf defending (2004 and 2005) and thought all the former member stuff was over with. I was wrong. In fact, it was these very kinds of discussions that helped open my eyes to see that former ubf members were not so “evil” or “poisonous” but displayed love and serious concerns.

These comments were very helpful for me:

“Brain, again I recommend that when someone is communicating something regarding UBF, do not reframe it to fit your perspective. Do you think you are the Tom Cruise of UBF? You need to come off your UBF highhorse and stop trying to silence the incredibly apparent dark side of UBF. This is disrespectful, insincere and intellectually irresponsible. This is the same thing your late leader, Daniel Hong did and it is a bad attribute you picked up from him. I don’t need my words respun by you like you are superior to me. You have no idea what I have done since I left UBF so you need to stop trying to infer that we are not doing the work of God.”

“I have also seen UBF Bible students (some of them my friends) suddenly become fearful and suspicious and break-off their relationships with their UBF shepherds. Yes, some began behaving like enemies instead of friends, almost overnight. I know of many who even packed their belongings in secret and left their UBF housing secretly, were never heard from again, were hardly mentioned again except to say that they had “run away” from UBF (UBF leaders’ words, not mine). Why did they “run away?” Because of what they had “seen with their own eyes or experienced themselves” after years of a relationship with UBF. The breaking point was (and still is) often the surprise introduction of a “marriage partner” and the corresponding pressure to get married to this stranger.

And this was long before the Web, email or even fax machines.
The web sites that so trouble UBF leaders have been around only since 2001 and probably weren’t even on the usual Web search engines’ radars until 2002-2003. One might also ask why these UBF recruits are googling for “university bible fellowship a cult?” in the first place.”

My comments

Some of my comments, as I look back, were stupid. I was just plain wrong. One comment however that I totally agree with 100% today just as much as when I wrote it in 2007 is this:

“JCO, you make a good point. As Dr.Armstrong pointed out, love must prevail. Attitudes toward UBF will never unite anyone.

I do see the love of God here in some ways. I see the love of God in Dr.Armstrong’s allowing these conversations to take place on his blog, and by his wise and Godly words. I see the love of God in ChrisZ, JimSL, ExUBF and AndrewP who must care a lot to post such zealous words. I see the love of God in BenToh, JoeS and others from UBF who showed thankful minds and tremendous restraint in not replying with anger or bitterness.

So perhaps we can agree to be united in the love of Christ. In the end, Christ’s love is the one common denominator of Christianity.”

My identity was changing

I can clearly see my cult identity falling away and changing in some of my comments:

“My point of emphasis, and the reason I brought it up in the comment above, is that I strongly believe the Bible should be the center of my faith. I don’t think Luther’s words (or Dr.Samuel Lee’s words for that matter) should be the *center* of my faith. Certainly they are worthwhile for learning and maturity.

I welcome your attitude of love for us “evil, power-mongering, pyramid-scheming, abortionist, divorce-ridden good for nothing, going to hell” UBF members. (I don’t mean to dismiss criticims of UBF here, but at some point I can only laugh and cry at certain attitudes expressed on various comments here. At least I can take comfort in being upgraded from the “Bagdad Bob” of UBF to the “Tom Cruise” of UBF!)”

“When will it end? We in UBF already hear your points. We already are learning, growing and changing. What more do you want?”

My stupid comments

Some of my thoughts were just strange, shallow and borderline idiotic:

“Jim, you crossed the line here. So I will speak up. I respond to your writing below.”

“Another central problem to UBF is the financial unaccountibility.”
>>> Jim, you are on shaky ground here. Do you realize our books have been audited and approved? I don’t know about the Chicago chapter, but the Toledo chapter always gives offering reports and they match exactly to the penny. Please refrain from making generalizations about all of UBF when you only know part of the issue.

“>>> Jim, you are welcome to your opinion. You say UBF is evil. I wholeheartedly disagree with you.”

“As Amy mentioned, we need to consider “the whole counsel of God”.
When I see Matthew 18, the whole chapter, I see the following points:
1) I must learn the attitude of a child.
2) I must learn the attitude of a shepherd searching for lost sheep.
3) I must confront a fellow believer who sins against me.
4) I must not be an unmerciful servant.
What do you think?”

Thoughts about Change

We all are changing. I’ve found the following quotes about change to be helpful on my journey of change:

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” (Leo Tolstoy)

“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”
(Lemony Snicket, Horseradish)

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

There are countless dichotomies in Christiandom. Calvinism/Arminianism. Liberal/Conservative. Charismatic/Cessationist. Paedobaptist/Credobaptist. Salvation by faith alone/salvation by faith plus works. Justification: Reformed, soteriological, eschatological emphasis/New Perspective on Paul, ecclesiastical emphasis; imputation/impartation. Gospel: Primarily proclamation/Emphasis on works. Evangelism: discipleship/social justice. Silence and solitude/community and engagement. Countless eschatological views (Premillennial, Amillennial, Postmillennial, preterist, futurist, historicist, idealist and variations thereof). Various views of baptism and communion. The Filioque controversy. This is surely just the tip of the iceberg regarding dichotomies.

Right or wrong, dichotomies happen in life, and definitely in our Christian experience, even if we insist that we do not want to be dichotomous. For instance, I really wanted to enjoy the Superbowl yesterday. But I simply could not when the team I was rooting for got blown out 43 – 8. I could not bear to watch the second half, and did not watch even one second of it.

I love UBF. Let me simply state my dilemma as best I can. As a UBF lifer I love UBF, which I believe is my practical expression of love for Christ and for as his church, which is his bride, his household and his body. But some exUBFers have conflicting inner discordance hearing me proclaim to the world, “I love UBF.” At the same time, UBF lovers also feel discordant, because I am not afraid nor ashamed to air our dirty laundry for the whole world to see and to smell. So my sense is that when I say, “I love UBF,” I don’t feel the love from both sides. As much as I want or even need to be loved, I think I can handle not feeling the love, as long as I am sure of Jesus’ love for me. So don’t feel any pressure that you need to make me feel the love. As I have stated often, it is sometimes a lot of fun when others just “let you have it.”

Samuel Lee was my friend and mentor. Another dilemma is when I proclaim unashamedly that Samuel Lee was a good friend and mentor for me (while having observed and read many things he said and did which I cannot and will never agree with). UBF detractors who have seen or read or experienced what Lee said and did might be appalled that I refer to him as “my friend and mentor.” At the same time, long standing UBFers do not buy my positive proclamation about Lee at all, because again I am not afraid nor ashamed to clearly speak out about his negative and hurtful (evil) words and actions.

I’m staying in UBF. Anti-UBFers wonder, “How can I stay when I know all the horrible things UBF does?” Some UBF lovers wonder, “Why doesn’t he just leave or SHUT UP?” I just don’t feel the love, not that I’m looking for it, but maybe I am…God only knows.

What do you think?

Sorry if this is an odd question. But what “dilemma between the dichotomies” do you experience?

Tragic caricature

Tragic suicides. Earlier this year, Rick Warren’s son commited suicide at age 27 after decades of suffering from mental illness, depression and suicidal thoughts. Today, news broke of a mega-church pastor in Florida committing suicide. Isaac Hunter was 36 years old and the father of three. His father, Joel Hunter is also a megachurch pastor and a spiritual advisor of President Obama.

Even in UBF. I am not writing this to discuss why Christians commit suicide. Rather, I am posting this with the hope that we will no longer refer to anyone as a mental patient. Sadly and tragically, suicides occur in UBF as well–among Bible students, children of leaders, and notable leaders. The pain this has caused is unspeakable. Yet, I hope that some day these tragedies will be addressed publicly rather than keeping silent about and acting as though it is too discouraging or too shameful to discuss.

Despicable phrases. There are phrases that we use in UBF that are simply horrible and that hopefully is on the decline if not eliminated entirely. I think that “he/she ran away” is no longer used with any regularity to refer to anyone who left UBF. Hopefully, “keep spiritual order and just obey” is also on the decline (even if it might still be implicitly communicated). I am thinking and hoping that “selfish Americans,” or “‘P’ mentality,” or “Polish pride,” or any negative caricature of any ethnicity from Canada, Russia, Germany, etc, will no longer be used in UBF. To those who think that this is no big deal, it would be similar to saying “wife beating Koreans.” It is highly offensive and never ever justifiable or defensible. It is certainly not the way Christians should ever talk (Col 3:16; 4:6; ; Eph 4:15), not even in private (Lk 12:3).

Will we stop caricaturing others? Has UBF stopped referring to others as “a mental patient”?

How different is the East from the West

The Leader. The above picture clearly expresses how Westerners and Easterners regard their leader. To people in the west, the leader is almost just like anyone else. When I first came to the U.S. I was surprised that the President of the U.S. was publicly interrogated and had to defend his policies before journalists. I was also surprised when a medical student and a junior doctor called her professor by his first name. In contrast, an Easterner regards their leader as someone way “above” them. I realized that if anyone questions a UBF leader regarding almost anything (usually an older missionary) that person is regarded as rude, disrespectful and immature. As a result of such strongly pervasive sentiments in our ministry, disagreements and objections get bottled up, being unable to be expressed,…until some explosion occurs. How are we going to address this and navigate this?

Problem Solving. Westerners address problems directly and tackle them head on. But Easterners seem evasive to Westerners when they talk around the problem rather than tackling it directly. At the same time Westerners seem aggressive and confrontational to Easterners because they expect problems to be dealt with directly. Personally and practically, I have found problem solving and conflict resolution to be a most confounding and exasperating issue in UBF on countless occasions to this very day. Blame is put on “the other side.” Because leadership has the “upper hand,” juniors or sheep or indigenous leaders invariably get blamed. If this is an unfair or inaccurate statement, then please enlighten and educate me.

Self Expression. Westerners express themselves in a straight line, while Easterners express themselves with all manner of twists and turns that may be confounding for Westerners to decipher. On the other hand, Easterners perceive Westerners to be brash and abrasive because to them Westerners speak their minds directly, openly and often without nuance or subtlety.

Anger. I find this one quite interesting. When Westerners are angry they often openly express it and let you know it. But when Easterners are angry they act as though they are not angry and that everything is fine. This inforgraphic shows an Easterner smiling when they are angry. To Easterners they perhaps perceive this as being mature and self-controlled. But to Westerners this is perceived as being quite dishonest and not sincere.

Moods and Weather. Westerners like good weather and are unhappy about bad weather, whereas Easterners seem to be OK with both good and bad weather. Because Easterners tend to be more reserved, they are perceived by Westerners to be not real and authentic, but pretentious and fake. On the other hand because Westerners often express their opinions and feelings openly, Easterners perceive them to be childish, immature and lacking in self-control.

I hope that my expressions are not too much of a caricature. If they are, please do express them for my own education and edification. Nonetheless, in your experience and encounters in UBF, are these differences true and real?

All of these infographics were obtained from this post: East Meets West: An Infographics Portrait.

Consider preaching extemporaneously

My typed recollection of my extemporaneous preaching. Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with preaching by reading off a manuscript. But do let me suggest that preaching extemporaneously has tremendous benefits that I have personally found. After preaching yesterday on The Kingdom of This World Becomes The Kingdom of Christ (9/29/13), this is my typed recollection of a part of what I preached extemporaneously: Eat The Word, Not Spit It At Others. Feel free to critique it.

Below are my random thoughts and experiences. Let me start with some negative sentiments and bias against extemporaneous preaching.

Extemporaneous preaching seems unspiritual to some older UBFers. Those who have  for decades (20 to 45 years) listened to preaching that is being read from a prepared manuscript may find it very hard to listen to extemporaneous preaching. Older missionaries in particular who have listened predominantly to UBF preaching are very comfortable when they listen to someone reading from a manuscript. They feel as though such a preacher is very well prepared, for they have spent many hours in prayer and in preparing their manuscript with much labor. So when they hear someone preaching without a manuscript, they feel as though that messenger is not prayerful nor prepared, since they seem to be primarily speaking off the cuff from a stream of consciousness. They feel as though the preacher is lazy, unspiritual, unprepared or immature, because they seem to be preaching whatever they like without any weight, gravitas or holiness. In brief, those who are unfamiliar with extemporaneous preaching may despise it and demean it and discredit it.

You cannot give “message training.” When someone is reading off a prepared manuscript you can train the messenger to write and re-write their message over and over again until the message trainer is satisfied. But in my opinion such “UBF message training” has caused some UBF messengers to become unnatural and suboptimal communicators, as many recent comments have said regarding our poorly delivered 2013 ISBC messages. Encouraging and helping younger messengers to preach extemporaneously as a part of their preaching arsenal may be a way of raising more natural preachers and effective communicators of God’s word.

Preaching extemporaneously does not mean preaching without preparation. This should hopefully be obvious. I still write out my sermons as my preparation to preach each week. But I no longer read what I have written. I primarily prepare an outline of what I would preach. For instance, my simple outline of my sermon yesterday (which is quite easily memorized) is:

I. The Kingdom of The World: Under Judgment (The most unpopular message of the Bible)

• Devastation – Devastation of the world (Rev 8:6-12): The first four trumpets.

• Woe – Woe, woe, woe to those who reject God (Rev 8:13-9:19): The fifth and sixth trumpet.

• Idolatry – Refusal to repent of idolatry (Rev 9:20-21).

II. The Kingdom of Christ: Under Grace (Nothing can thwart the final victory of God)

• Prayer – The purpose of God is accomplished through the prayers of the people of God (Rev 8:1-5).

• Prophesy – The mystery of God will be accomplished (Rev 10:1-11): Take and eat the scroll, which is sweet and bitter.

• Power – The witness of the people of God, the church (Rev 11:1-14): God’s providence, provision and protection despite devastation and destruction

• Praise – God will reign (Rev 11:15-19): The kingdom of Christ is the final and ultimate reality of the people of God.

With this outline I preached extemporaneously for about 40 min.

Some benefits of preaching extemporaneously:

• I depend on the Holy Spirit more than on my well prepared notes.
• I share things on the spur of the moment that I did not think of during my preparation.
• I speak conversationally, rather than lecturing others.
• I share stories, rather than speak down to others.
• I am like my audience, and not above my audience.
• I can gauge my audience’s response better and speak longer or less.

A reason you might not want to preach extemporaneously. It will scare the living daylights out of you the first time you walk to the podium to preach without any notes! The first time I did so, I felt as though the ground would open and swallow me alive.

Would UBF messages and the teaching of Scripture be helped by learning and practicing how to preach extemporaneously?

As I shared here previously, I attended the 2013 Global Leadership Summit. I made an offer to share these videos with any UBF chapter or person who wanted to invite me to view and discuss them afterward. That offer still stands. Now I’d like to expand this offer using Skype. So here is my announcement and expanded offer.

Skype Me

So starting tomorrow, Sunday 9/22/2013, my Skype is an open mic. Please see the steps below to chat with me on Skype about anything you want. I am willing to share the GLS videos for you or a group of people to see. And I’ll gladly talk about anything you want to talk about. The first video is 29 minutes.

I received the first video from the 2013 WCA GLS. It is a bonus video that didn’t happen at the GLS. The video shows Patrick Lencioni interviewd by a lead pastor from St. Catherines Canada, Jeff Lockyear. Jeff is the head pastor at Southridge Community Church. In this interview, Jeff asks pointed questions to Patrick about how to apply some of Patrick’s leadership teachings in the church realm. The interview is based around Patrick’s book, The Advantage. Here is an excerpt from a review on Amazon:

“While too many leaders are still limiting their search for advantage to conventional and largely exhausted areas like marketing, strategy, and technology, Lencioni demonstrates that there is an untapped gold mine sitting right beneath them. Instead of trying to become smarter, he asserts that leaders and organizations need to shift their focus to becoming healthier, allowing them to tap into the more-than-sufficient intelligence and expertise they already have. The author of numerous best-selling business fables including The Five Dysfunctions of a Team and Death by Meeting, Lencioni here draws upon his twenty years of writing, field research, and executive consulting to some of the world’s leading organizations. He combines real-world stories and anecdotes with practical, actionable advice to create a work that is at once a great read and an invaluable, hands-on tool. The result is, without a doubt, Lencioni’s most comprehensive, significant, and essential work to date.”

How to Skype

1. Download and install the Skype client for your phone, PC, Mac or just about any device. Call or email me if you have technical questions about doing this. (My tech support is free :)

2. Search for my Skype ID or send me yours and I’ll call you. Just search in Skype contacts for “briankarcher” and you will find me (don’t type the quotes, just briankarcher). This is completely free for you, no matter how long we talk.

3. That’s it. There is no cost to you. I am paying the yearly subscription, so I can host a group chat, a group video call or a group screenshare.

My Promises

Although I may not always follow policies and I may not be able to carry out what I plan to do, I will always keep a promise I make. Whether you agree with me (many don’t) or not, you should know by now that I won’t knowingly break a promise I make. I will make every effort to keep my promises. You may not like my approaches or actions the last two years, but at least you should be able to see that I will do what I say.

a. I will not share any content of what we discuss. Your conversations with me on Skype will be private and confidential. I will never post any conversation in any form on this blog nor on my blog nor on any public social media, including Facebook.

b. I will not reveal your identity. Even if someone asks me who is talking on Skype with me, I will not tell. You are free to share as much or as little of your identity with me, but rest assured I won’t share who you are or where you are from with anyone.

c. I will not bring up UBF unless you do. If you want to talk about UBF related topics, fine. You know my stance already. But I will never bring up the subject of UBF. I will not pick the topics or video. You will choose the topics and the video(s). Right now of course there is only one video choice until the rest arrive in late October :) If you want me to share with a group of people, let me know your guidelines in advance, and I will honor those guidelines. If I disagree with your guidelines, then I’ll tell you and either modify them or not do the presentation. I will not bash UBF on these calls and will never initiate a comparison of the teachings from the videos with UBF teachings.  I would only do so if you bring up the subject of UBF. If you don’t talk about UBF, I won’t either.

An Example Video

Here is a sample of the kind of thing you’ll hear in these videos. This is a clip from Andy Stanley’s introduction of Bill Hybles as he was about to speak at the 15th anniversary celebration of North Point Community Church on September 20,2010.

___________________________________

Luke 2:19 “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” (NIV84)

For 24 years I have quietly stored up many things in my heart. I have pondered these things over and over nearly every day since 1987.

Here is an explanation of my current situation. I have not yet left UBF ministry as a whole. I am seeking any possibility of a role for me in UBF.  But I have decided not to remain connected to Toledo UBF, apart from the personal frienships I have made. I will not listen to any Toledo UBF message nor will I accept any direction of any kind from Toledo UBF.

These are the three reasons why my family will no longer be connected to Toledo UBF and why we expect to leave UBF completely by the end of this year (unless there is some miracle of God’s intervention…)

– There is no further training for me in UBF. I have exhausted the training methods and programs available to an American Christian. God has called me to be a pastor and shepherd and missionary, not a director.

– There is no role for my family in UBF.  My children, wife and I need Christian fellowship and ministry together, not alone. We have no way to effectively help C and V and their daughter as a lone house church in UBF-style ministry.

– There is no evidence of repentance among senior Korean leaders in Toledo and little evidence of actual repentance in the 50th anniversary celebrations/missino statement.  I have heard a lot of appologies and condolensces, but no significant change.  There have been some slight behavior changes the past 24 years, but no repentance at the top leadership level.

Here is a timeline of my desire to leave and decisions to stay up to this point:

In 1987 I began Bible study at the invitation of both ES and Dr.PH, who met me in my dorm room. Soon I wanted to leave. I decided to stay because of the welcoming heart of ED and several women missionaries, and my friendship with TP.

In 1988 I wanted to leave because of my father’s slow march to death from ALS. I decided to stay in UBF because I found salvation in Christ through this ministry during the Lake Geneva Easter Bible conference.

In 1992 I wanted to leave because I wanted to start dating again. I decided to stay because I found God’s vision to be a missionary to Russia.

In 1994 I wanted to leave because I saw no chance to actually be trained as a missionary.  I decided to stay because of the Godly relationships I made, most importantly, the new relationship with my wife M (We were married the same day as T and M, who had become good friends).

In 2003 I wanted to leave because of the way my relationship with Dr.P was broken through the Detroit pioneering process.  I decided to stay because JP helped me see the stone of bitterness in my heart. God removed that stone. Then I decided to stay in order to obey God, to “keep face” with missionaries and in order to not ruin other people’s faith.

In 2006 I wanted to leave because I heard the struggles of my best friend, TP. I saw the patterns of good Christian families leaving being repeated again and again since 1990.  I decided to stay out of obedience to God and out of a desire to keep my calling, not realizing that God’s calling can be kept in any number of contexts, not just in UBF.

In 2009 I wanted to leave because I read James and Rebekah Kim’s open letters on the internet regarding the 1990 event. I read those letters completely for the first time. I fell into deep despair over this and my personal financial struggles, which were near bankruptcy.  I decided to stay because I saw the movie “The Passion of Christ”.  Through this and the message I delivered on the cross of Jesus at a conference, my faith was restored and I felt God’s healing of my emotions. I decided to stay in UBF only to find a reason to stay.

In 2011 (April) I heard about T and E’s struggles and observed the significant decline in quality of Toledo UBF messages since 2006. I saw a huge and growing gap between the perception of our ministry and the reality of our ministry. I resigned as Detroit UBF director because this role is not pleasing to God and is not healthy for me or my family or our house church. I decided to stay in order to “stand in the gap” based on Ezekiel 22:29-31.

In 2011 (July) I had many discussions with my mother-in-law, my grandmother, a pastor from a small town church in Ohio, many Toledo UBF coworkers, senior Christian leaders like John Armstrong, senior people in UBF like Sarah Barry, Ben Toh, Joshua Yoon, Ron Ward and Joe Schafer.  I decided to stay in UBF to see a new fabric woven into the old fabric of UBF.

My current personal mission statement is this: “Weave a new fabric of grace, truth, faith, hope and love for Jesus, dialogue by dialogue.”

It has been suggested to me that I meet various people in Toledo to discuss my issues. I am not interested in some closed-door meeting that magically reconciles all things.  I am interested in answers. I am open to dialogue. Here is a list of questions I have for Toledo UBF coworkers. They are not rhetorical. Not everyone has the answer to all the qustions.  But together, there are enough people who can answer these questions. Until we in UBF repent by opening up dialogues, facing tough questions and honestly analyzing our spiritual problems, we will not find God’s healing. Nor will we move on to the greater things of God.

Event 1: The 1990 moving of the Kim’s.
Were our actions illegal according to Ohio Law?
Did these actions violate the US Constitution, Article 4?
Did these actions violate God’s commands to love our neighbor?

Event 2: The Detroit chapter pioneering.
Why was I not allowed to form a pioneering committee to assist?
Why were we demanded to travel to Toledo every Sunday for 6 months?
Why did we not discuss being missionaries to Russia?
Why were we just left in Detroit alone for 8 years?

Event 3: Succession of leadership in Toledo UBF.
Why were AN, TP, MG, PP, SR not groomed to become pastor?
Why is there confusion about being a director vs. being a pastor?
Is there any plan for someone besides Dr.P to be pastor?
How does this situation compare to what happened in Bowling Green?

Event 4: Dead dog training.
What is dead dog training?
Does this training still exist or anything like it?
Why is obedience to authority so highly valued?

Event 5: The gospel.
What is the gospel?
What does UBF have to learn from other churches?

Event 6: Christian ministry.
What is the role of a pastor?
How does a pastor work with other elders?
How does a pastor help church members fine their role and gifts from the Holy Spirit?
What doctrines and teachings should a pastor be reading and knowing?

Event 7: Systematic problems with UBF.
T and N already expounded on this. I agree with all of what they said regarding ministry problems and ways to change.
Why is it so difficult to listen to honest, truthful Christians who have ideas for improving the ministry?
Why are those who speak the most honestly and truthfully driven away from the ministry?

In Christ our Lord who is the supreme authority,
Brian Karcher

My firm conviction is that any preacher or messenger is most helped when they are honestly told how well or poorly they did. If a preacher does not wish to listen to any unfavorable critique of their preaching, then they will not improve as a preacher, even after decades of preaching. (Saying, “You gave a wonderful message helps no one.”)

My opinion of those who preached and gave their life testimonies at the 2013 ISBC is that they are genuine Christians and lovely people. They willingly sacrificed so much of their life, their time and their family in order to receive countless hours of message training over several months. This fact alone speaks volumes about them. They are surely very humble people in that they willingly allowed themselves to speak WHAT others ultimately wanted them to speak, as well as to some degree speak HOW others wanted them to speak, gesture and perform.

I love UBF people as my brothers and sisters. But a big reason I did not attend the conference is the suboptimal quality of our UBF messages and sermons. The spoken word is the primary instrument that the Spirit uses to transform hearts and lives (Jn 6:63; 1 Cor 2:13; 2 Tim 4:2; Ac 6:7; 12:24; 13:49; 19:20). So if our preaching of the Word is poor or suboptimal or predictable, this does not speak favorably about UBF’s future.

The generally unfavorable comments about this year’s ISBC messages were virtually similar and identical to the comments from other UBF conferences in virtually every continent and country where there are UBF conferences. These comments were suppressed and not welcomed in the early years of UBF. But over the past decade comments about UBF messages are now increasingly articulated more and more for everyone in UBF to read and hear if they want to.

Some significant reasons our UBF messages “sound the same” is because it seems to be recycled from earlier UBF messages written over preceding decades. Also, the so-called “message trainers” tend to be the same people year in and year out for decades. These trainers are older missionaries and UBF staff, whose primary language is not English. Or the trainers are those who have been trained by the missionaries, and whose manner of English speaking has already been unnaturally altered by the training that they themselves have received for years from the older missionary and staff.

A common complaint is that UBF messages are spoken too slowly, and not at the pace and cadence of the way American English is normally and naturally spoken. Also, English UBF messages tends to come across as unnatural, scripted, predictable, formulaic, tired, and “the same as before.” Understandably, these obvious defects and nuances of speaking English are generally not perceived or addressed or corrected by the missionary trainers (or the native trainers trained by the missionary) because spoken English is not their primary language. As the saying goes, “A fish swimming in dirty water does not know that the water is dirty.”

What then can be done? These are some simple suggestions and proposals.

1. The messenger should read, listen to and learn from many non-UBF sermons (and commentaries) written and preached by renown preachers, theologians and scholars in order to get a sense of the broad scope and broad range of how different Christians preach and explain the same biblical text. This will begin to produce diversity and variation in our UBF messages, instead of always sounding the same. Francis Bacon says, “Reading makes a full man…”
2. Let the messenger write and prepare for his or her own message/sermon in their own way. Most great preachers in history (even from their teenage years and early 20s) wrote or prepared to preach their own sermons by doing their own preparation and research without being “trained” by someone else. Did anyone notice that the unanimously best speaker at the 2013 ISBC is a non-UBF American missionary who has never received any message training in her entire life? Can we learn anything about good public speaking from her?
3. The messenger’s content should be uniquely theirs and not ultimately those of the message trainer.
4. The messenger’s preaching must sound like the the messenger rather than sound like the message trainer. Therefore, do not “train” the messenger. This makes the messenger sound like the trainer, rather than sounding like himself or herself. Do not over-train the messenger. Training and over training makes the preached message sound scripted, rehearsed and unnatural, rather than fresh and new.
5. Replace the 5 oldest “message trainers” with 5 others, preferably those whose primary spoken language is English.
6. Those who are messengers should be those who believe they are called and gifted by God to preach. They should not just be those who are told or appointed by their UBF leaders, usually on account of their loyalty, faithfulness and commitment to UBF.
7. To know whether or not one is called to preach should not just be their own desire to preach, or the desire of their leader or shepherd for them. It should include the genuine opinion of their listeners. It is obvious that some Christians are not called to preach or teach (Jas 3:1), but to serve Jesus in some other way.
8. Allow the Holy Spirit to be the trainer. Trust the Holy Spirit rather than trusting one’s own massive preparation.

Can you add to this list of simple suggestions and advice?

This is the first article in a series I’ve entitled “Sophomoric Musings”. I view my musings as sophomoric for two reasons. The first is that the word sophomore is Greek in origin meaning ‘wise fool’. I’ve lived as a Christian for a little over ten years now. While I feel as though I have amassed some experience that may deem me as relatively wise, in reality I’m still a pretty foolish person. I don’t see things objectively, so my musings are infused with a bit of quackery as well as insight due to just having lived up until this point. Secondly, the term sophomore refers to a stage just above the novice or freshman level. These days, I feel as though I’ve entered into the second phase of my Christian life. I’m not sure if I can say exactly when or where the transition happened (the Red Line stop at Belmont on July 10^th… nah forget it), but I definitely feel as though I’ve had a major paradigm shift as of late in terms of how I relate to Christ, His church and the world around me. This post is an articulation of what I’ve been feeling as of late. Hope you enjoy or even cry preferably tears of joy, but I’m not averse to those induced by sheer terror either; all I can say is that Dr. Ben taught me well in this regard.

On www.ubfriends.org we’ve all been struggling to articulate what exactly it is we desire to occur in UBF. We all have dreams and wishes and quite often, they fail to come to fruition in this lifetime. However, the process of imagining them unfold perhaps keeps us somewhat sane. A dream I’ve conjured up has to do with the beginning of change. Actually change occurs beneath the surface and behind the scenes but usually it burgeons forth in some kind of inaugural moment. So what I’m imagining is that particular moment. It would be in the form of a sermon given by a prominent pastor/leader in UBF (insert any figure you have a preference for).

Some Like it HOT

It’s a hot, stuffy, bright day in the afternoon; the sun is shining through the windows and brilliantly reflecting off of the adjacent wall, illuminating all of the intricate crevices etched into the stucco over time. The sun light almost looks heavenly, angelic as it configures into a neatly ordered, splayed-line pattern due to being fractured by the window blinds. The ceiling fans are spinning quietly while the AC motor is pushing cooled air through the vents at a low and steady hum. Hot, but bearable; to my dismay, not hot enough for me to doze off. The sanctuary is packed with about four hundred people or so, stuffy with must and all of those peculiar summer scents; the smell of perfume and cologne become amplified in this heat and that sneeze smell seems to travel at least ten times more now than it does when dispersed in cold air. The pastor is supposed to be delivering a sermon on the Great Commission in what would be an otherwise predictable lecture for most UBF members. I’m about to go into autopilot mode, thinking about what I have to do to get ready for work on Monday. I also keep fixating on this unsightly stain on the back of the chair of one of the parishioners. “What is that?” I ask myself, maybe a smear of chocolate or something less savory. Man, I would like some chocolate right about now, I think to myself. Looking up at the Pastor in his three piece suit and tie, with my eyes ready to glaze over, I listen to the words slowly tumbling out of his mouth, more like slow pouring molasses on a warm summer day. I notice that his demeanor is somewhat hesitant, uneasy this time around, which is unusual. He looks very forlorn but determined to stand in the pulpit and deliver his message. He seems to have a one thousand pound burden weighing him down. This makes me perk up and open my ears to listen. He begins to speak (the rest of this post is his sermon).

Today, I was prepared to give a sermon on the Great Commission. Throughout the years this has been the linchpin of UBF ministry. Many people have come to our ministry because of it and also many have left because of it. Well today, I’d like to take a little detour from what I initially began to write about Jesus’ statement in Matthew chapter twenty eight, verses eighteen and nineteen. For some time, the Gospel, the pure grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and all of its implications has been working in my heart in a new way. I’ve been struggling with how to articulate my feelings about this, but today I believe that I have something very important to say that will perhaps shape the context of our ministry for years to come.

I’ve thought about some of the misguided things that our ministry has done in the past, things which I used to justify.  And while over the past few years I’ve apologized somewhat for these things, I know in my heart of hearts that a genuine apology has never been given from me or others in senior positions. This truth came to a head recently when somehow the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to see how injurious many aspects of UBF’s ideology actually are. While God blessed us in many ways with a unique mission, we have also egregiously sinned against God and against His precious sheep in various ways. Not only do I have a deep sense of anguish and remorse about this, but many others, both former and current members, are coming forth baring their hearts and seeking some semblance of remorse from long time UBF leaders. I deeply apologize that both I and they have been silent for so long. Perhaps in private conversations we have even vented our angst concerning the ministry and even apologized, but publicly we have never attempted to disclose such things. I stand before you today and state with a spirit of deep contrition, repentance and earnestness, that our ministry is indeed very broken. (He pauses as if on the verge of shedding a tear; the sanctuary is captivated in stunned silence).

In the rest of my talk today, I’d like to share my thoughts on why this is the case and some possible remedies. To be honest, I don’t have this written down in sermon form; what I speak to you today is from my heart and I would like to engage all of you in the most genuine manner possible. Shep… I mean John (authors’ note: not actual name of a person), (at this moment, John looks up at the pastor, mouth agape and eyes widely transfixed upon him) I want to do away with these foolish titles, what I’m saying is that I’d like to talk to you today… to you… to all of you from the earnestness of my heart. It’s time to shed all of these facades. Let me continue with my train of thought on some of our problems.

Yes, We Admit it, Soylent… Green… is… Made of People

(An Admission of Gross Wrongdoing)

Specifically, I believe a significant portion of negative aspects in our ministry stems from our narrow definition of the word ‘ministry’ (he makes quote signs with his fingers as he’s saying this). Particularly, we’ve relegated our ministry mainly to the campus setting. Focusing on campus ministry is what worked for us in the past; as you all know, it is the very foundation of our ministry. But the problem is that we trusted in and chose the foundation of campus ministry more than the foundation of Christ and the Gospel. Not only this, but we’ve enforced our view of ministry with an uncompromising, iron-like fist. We have abused our positions of authority in order to keep our legalistic view of the gospel intact. Because of this, many espoused and suffered from an injuriously myopic view of ministry. The stories of personal tragedy are simply gut-wrenching and in some cases too much to bear without shedding many tears; the abuse is on a catastrophic level that no one should have to bear; in fact, Christ died in order to take up such wounds and burdens. Not only that, but because we have never sufficiently acknowledged or addressed this problem, these tragedies still occur today, though perhaps unbeknownst to many here, even to some of our young leaders who should be in the know. This being the case, more than anything, I would like our ministry to focus on inward healing as well as conscientiously contacting those who have left the ministry in the hopes of building bridges aright with them.

Before we hold another international or staff conference, I would like us to focus exclusively on this effort. Even to those who are in foreign mission fields, I’m not asking that they stop doing missions, but that they partner with us and acknowledge that our ministry has grave problems that can no longer be ignored. One thing I have in mind is redefining what UBF’s mission is. At the website www.ubfriends.org, as on online community in Christ, former and current members have been sifting through and trying to interpret the good, bad and ugly aspects of our UBF heritage, it’s really quite interesting. Anyway, upon reviewing some of the former statements about these heritage points by our own UBF leaders (www.ubf.org/node/155) in conjunction with reading ubfriends blogs and comments, I have concluded that our internal doctrine is woefully, woefully misguided and needs immediate revision. Surely, there is some truth contained in them, but the first and foremost heritage point should be adherence to the gospel of God’s grace. I’m not sure about how to redefine the rest of our heritage points and to be honest I don’t really care. For far too long, the gospel given by Christ has been overshadowed by these eight or twelve heritage points. If I were to take a page from Martin Luther’s legacy, I would post one thesis: the Gospel of God’s grace.

I Don’t Want Your Money; I Want Change

I’m not sure how all of this will unfold, but I believe that this is the very long, overdue and necessary starting point to rebuilding UBF’s foundation rightly. Just to give some specifics of what necessarily has to change, I want to give some directives that I hope you will find beneficial. First of all, today, you may or may not choose to stay after service and pray two by two; you can pray in groups or however you like (some in the congregation let out a snicker, a chortle or nervous laughter, looking at each other as if to confirm that they all heard what the pastor just said). In terms of ministerial practice, if you have conviction about seeing your home or your workplace or any other place as your mission field, please with our blessing serve with the grace of our Lord Jesus there. You are no longer relegated or tied to the campus to do ministry there; please feel free to serve anywhere as you see fit. (literally a millisecond after the pastor is finished, one of the older missionaries shouts out, “This is heresy!” and storms out. The pastor momentarily loses his composure, but regains it and continues on with heightened resolve). Moreover, if you believe that God has called you to do social justice ministry, we will wholeheartedly support you in this endeavor. Actually, we would like to do something revolutionary. We would like to have committees to oversee each of these areas, that is the home, workplace and urban evangelization. Not only these areas but any other area you propose, we are willing to let you have the freedom to build up these ministries under the UBF banner. Also, we would like to encourage you to visit other churches and build relationships with those outside of UBF. You don’t have to come here every Sunday; take some time to explore the rest of the Christian world. This may come as a grave shock to many of you, but I’m telling you, get out and get to know other people besides UBF people (at this, the crowd begins to stir and talk to each other in disbelief at the statements coming from the pastor’s mouth). In all of this, we just ask that you not use your freedom in the Spirit as an excuse to do evil, but rather to love. In this way, we want to become a multi-faceted, healthy church which is what many have vied for and advocated in the past as well as present.

In the coming weeks we would like to launch a series entitled, “What is the Gospel?” For many years, we have presumed to know what the gospel means but it is obvious that we need to go back to the basics and learn the truth about the very crux of Christianity. We will also hold workshops on how to practically apply the gospel in all of our various relationships. We will not look to UBF heritage to define the Gospel; rather we will look to the Bible, church history and also the current work of many contemporary theologians and pastors who have exclusively focused on this issue. Any major conference will have this theme from now on. I don’t know for how long, perhaps until Jesus comes. But by the authority given to me by the Chief Shepherd Jesus Christ, as a lowly under shepherd of His church, I am resigned to teaching you only about His Gospel, as explained by the whole of Scripture in both the Old and New Testaments, until the day I die. If I ever, ever step out of line and Lord authority over you or try to take the place of the Chief Shepherd, I will submit to church discipline and if need be resign; this is how seriously I take my commitment to purity and integrity in leading you.

Chicken Wings and Drinks On Me

Lastly, some practical advice, not a command, to you today is this: If you have children or family that you have not seen for some time because you have been so busy with ministry, please go home and hug them. Tell them that you love them and that they are more important than any mission, that in fact they are the mission; your mission is to love them with the love of Christ. For older missionaries who have strained relationships with children who have either left the church or have remained in a begrudging manner, please call them and apologize to them; tell them that you are sorry and that your only desire is for them to know the grace of our Lord Jesus. I give this advice to any shepherds who have wounded young students in the past. Also, for those who are peers, if you have any grudges, please don’t delay coming to the cross to reconcile; this is much more important than the work of campus ministry or any other endeavor that you wish to undertake.

From now on, we will listen to any and every story of abuse or misfortune you have suffered because of UBF. In fact, we want to hold both open and private forums for such dialogue to occur. We can do this over a meal in someone’s house or in the sanctuary right here before this giant cross emblem. Yes, as leaders, we might initially become defensive or even angry at some of the assertions, because these things are very difficult for us to face and own up to. But we give you our word, we will hear you out and we will seek real reconciliation to the best of our ability. We will shed tears with you and talk for many, many hours. However long it takes, we will seek to understand you and come to a solution at the foot of the cross.

These are very trying times for our ministry, but something such as what I laid out today absolutely must take place if we are going to do right by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. May the grace of our Lord Jesus be with you today.  Oh and lastly, if you want to go out and have a beer, drinks on me at Hawkeyes near UIC; can’t beat the ten cent wings either. We can ride my purple dragon, Bubbles there (author’s note: hey, I did say this was a dream). Thank you and God bless you.

On the Verge of Waking Up

Many of the parishioners are clueless as to what to do; even the piano player is at a loss as to what hymn to begin playing. “How about we just end service right here?” the pastor says. Some people remain in their seats in shock, others begin to file out and discuss what they have just heard. At the same time, a long line forms beginning at the podium where the pastor once stood and terminates at the rear sanctuary door. Personally, I’m puzzled as to what exactly just happened, but at the same time I feel as though precisely what I dreamed of wanting to transpire just came to fruition. It’s hard to believe this because dreams are often illusory and hard to remember, seemingly impossible to grasp. I think to myself, perhaps this is just another one of those dreams. I sooth myself with the notion that whatever occurs on this side of heaven will always be imperfect and bittersweet, but what will happen on the other side is in fact beyond our wildest and most imaginative dreams for it is a reality grounded in truth and perfect justice, authored by God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit in whom there is nothing false or malicious.

Concluding Remarks

Some may not appreciate the humor put forth in this article; I haven’t tried my hand much at it so maybe it’s a bit off… or way off. But the reason for the levity is captured best by a quote from Elton Trueblood in his wonderful little book entitled The Humor of Christ,

“Any alleged Christianity which fails to express itself in gaiety, at some point, is clearly spurious. The Christian is gay not because he is blind to injustice and suffering, but because he is convinced that these, in the light of the divine sovereignty are never ultimate. He is convinced that the unshakeable purpose is the divine rule of all things, whether of heaven or earth (Eph. 1:10). Though he can be sad, and often is perplexed, he is never really worried. The well-known humor of the Christian is not a way of denying the tears, but rather a way of affirming something which is deeper than tears.”

What Joe has written is appealing primarily because it is true. He tells it like it is without spin. Joe also writes in an organized, systematic, methodical and logical way (which is thoroughly enjoyable to read), perhaps because he is a skilled statistician. His scope is also broad and far reaching. But what I am about to write has a narrow scope. It is also disorganized, jumbled, confusing, messy and done on the fly without much forethought or plan! When his sidekick anxiously asked Indiana Jones during a crisis, “What are you going to do next?” Jones replies, “I don’t know. I’m making it up as I go.” I am sorry to confess to you that this is how I write (and live)! Incidentally, this just drives my wife nuts.

Let me start with Joshua’s recent comment, which expresses what many UBF people feel, which UBF leaders do not want to hear, nor believe. He wrote, “(UBF) totally sucked the life out of me and made the last 1-2 years of being in UBF utterly deadening, so frustrating, and so joyless.” UBF is making people tired!! At every single major UBF conference, one of the prayer topics is to encourage tired, burdened and discouraged missionaries. After 50 years of UBF’s existence have we not already figured out why UBF missionaries are tired, burdened and discouraged?? Did not Jesus promise that in him we find rest for our souls (Mt 11:29), and that we will enjoy times of refreshing (Ac 3:19)? Joshua says clearly what many have expressed in private conversation, emails and on this blog: “UBF sucked the life out of me.” Will UBF leaders PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS!

After initially giving me life, UBF eventually sucked the life out of me as well. After a quarter of a century of being a Christian in Chicago UBF, I felt dead, frustrated, joyless and angry. From reading and studying the Bible, I knew that this was not how the Christian life should ever be. It should be filled to overflowing with love, joy and peace (Gal 5:22) and with life to the full (Jn 10:10b). But what I felt was exasperation instead of love, gloom instead of joy, angst instead of peace and deadness instead of life.

Whenever I spoke (or rather ranted and raved) to my wife about UBF, her most frequent response to me was, “Stop!! I don’t want to hear this anymore! You are giving me such a headache!” Then I will wait until her headache goes away and start all over again!

Eventually I spoke to some senior UBF leaders who have known me for over 25 years from the time I became a Christian in 1980. I met and shared with them in private meetings regularly for over a year. Simultaneously, I also emailed many UBF leaders. The immediate reason was to start a new UBF chapter at UIC (now called West Loop [WL]). Why? We have a brand new 1.5 million USD Bible house that is totally unused every weekend, because everyone who lives around UIC goes to the Chicago center for Sun service, a half hour drive away. Also, I personally needed to get away from the Chicago UBF politics and authoritarianism, which sorry to say was “sucking the life out of me.”

But that one year of seeking approval from Chicago UBF leadership to start a new UBF chapter was a hell I do not wish for anyone to ever experience. I told my wife that it felt worse than losing $1,000,000. Despite all the reasons and proposals that I patiently and privately presented to the UBF leaders for over a year, I was repeatedly and roundly rebuffed and rejected, primarily with ad hominem arguments. I will not share them. But I cannot resist sharing the cutest one: “Dr. Ben wants to have a worship service in our brand new expensive UIC Bible house, because he wants to claim it as his own.” My response: “Hey, why didn’t I think of it? I must be such a dummy!!”

By God’s grace and to the credit of the GD and the Chicago elders, they did finally approve of us starting a new UBF chapter at UIC in Jan 2008. To this day I am truly thankful to each one of our UBF leaders who gave their formal blessing and approval.

Unfortunately, there were conditions. We could not call ourselves UIC UBF because UIC “belonged” to Chicago UBF. So we took the name WL UBF. The GD said that up to 10 families could join me. But an elder wanted to restrict those who joined me to 10 people including children, which would be only 2 families: my family and one other with their kids and Bible students. But those who willingly wanted to join initially were 8 families including mine. 1 family has since left UBF, and 3 families have since joined.

Two weeks before we were to start our new WL UBF chapter, I suddenly received a new condition: I had to sign a 2.5 year lease/agreement where we had to agree to leave the UIC BH after 2.5 years of starting WL. At a meeting, no one among the 8 WL families wanted to sign this dreadful distasteful lease. But we were told in no uncertain terms that unless we signed this lease, we cannot start as we had planned, even though we were already given approval. It felt to me like Pharaoh who released the Israelite slaves after the 10th plague of the firstborn, and then regretting that he let their slaves go. A vote among the Chicago elders was taken and we were outvoted. We had to sign the lease, or WL cannot start as promised.

This caused a disarray among our WL families. No one wanted to sign it! Thus, we could not start. The given approval to start would be refused, reversed, revoked and repudiated. Honestly, this stunk! When it seemed that no one among our WL families wanted to sign the lease, some Chicago leaders in the room appeared happy and relieved, because it meant that we could not start a new WL UBF chapter as was promised. All of our hearts sank. Our hopes were crushed and dashed to pieces. Then, with great reluctance and with a spirit of protest and anger, I agreed to the 2.5 year lease. I held up the lease in my hand and declared as loudly as I could, “I will sign it and WE WILL START WL UBF on Jan 4, 2008!” Interestingly, those very leaders who looked so happy when we refused to sign the lease suddenly became visibly and palpably deflated and dejected.

This is the sad and happy true story of how WL UBF began in Jan 2008! It felt like a new day, a new morning and a new song for us Loopers, as we call ourselves. This is purely and entirely God’s undeserved mercy and grace to us. Personally, I have never been happier. I tasted God’s tender love newly. We are still proudly UBF, even if some in UBF continue to say to this very day, “West Loop is not really UBF.”

As promised, this is the very very messy truth that I am telling. (There are other truths I want to tell as well.) Did I do this perfectly as Christ would? The answer is obvious. Nonetheless, this is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth as coming from a sinner whose only claim to righteousness is in Christ alone. I do not say this with any arrogance, but with deep fear and trembling and with humility and tears.

Will you also tell the truth and declare it to the whole world?

But I realize that it is not easy to say, “I’m sorry.” There were times when I could not say so, even though I knew that I was wrong. Likely, I failed or refused to say “I’m sorry” on more occasions than I care to admit. Thank God that she does not hold this against me! Next to the grace of Jesus, this is pure grace.

A caveat is that saying “I’m sorry” should be genuine. Once someone said “I’m sorry” to me. But after that “apology” I felt 10 times worse. As I wondered why, I think the reason is that the apology was done dutifully, formally and correctly, but I did not perceive that it was truly genuine and with brokenness of heart. In fact, I felt that the apology was given with reluctance and with defensiveness. Silence and a refusal to apologize would have truly been much preferred than such an “apology.”

Why am I bringing this up about saying “I’m sorry”? As I have read comment after comment after comment by people who cared to share their pains and hurts on UBFriends, my predominant sentiment has primarily been “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Those who have shared their gut wrenching agonies honestly, openly and transparently are Vitaly, Chris, Brian, Joshua, formershep, MarthaO, Sharon, Joe, AbNial, DavidB, MJ, Phil 2:5, liveforchrist, etc. I have also heard countless other painful stories in private emails and conversations. So many times, my only response to reading and hearing what they have shared with brokenness and vulnerability is “I’m so sorry.”

So it concerns and upsets me when I do not hear “I’m sorry” being expressed by perhaps the more senior leaders of UBF. The most common response I hear very loudly is COMPLETE SILENCE. The second most common response I hear primarily from some older UBF leaders is “UBFriends must be shut down.” Wow!

Other comments I might hear are primarily defensive (if not downright offensive and insensitive): “They should move on with their life.” “They should be thankful.” “They are ungrateful.” “They should forgive.” “They are bitter.” “They are wounded.” (Hello, who caused the wounding!) “We/they did not realize that we/they hurt them. It was not our intention. We only wanted to help them spiritually.” “There is another side to the story!!!” Do such statements have any worth or value whatsoever???

BTW I do not believe that anyone is asking for an apology. Nonetheless, is a genuine “I’m sorry” not the best, if not the only appropriate response to those who have been hurt and spiritually abused? Am I still going to keep hearing through the grapevine that “UBFriends must be shut down”? Will there come a day when a genuinely heartfelt “I’m sorry” is heard?

Over the past couple of months, I’ve sensed a growing push from the Spirit to remove the online presence from my life for a time. So I’ve decided to go “radio silent” starting tonight.

Recent events have shown me the need for this time to be off-line from blogs, Facebook and to some extent, email as well. I will continue to be reachable by email, but will not be responding so quickly. I realized through Jesus’ prayer in John 17 that I have had a “savior complex” and proudly thought I myself had no wounds. So I will be taking time to process this.

My own priestlynation blog has been “paused” already for over a month. I care deeply about the issues and articles here on ubfriends. So my silence should not be mistaken for indifference or for any kind of change of mind. If called upon, I will speak loudly and critically again. And don’t wait for me to suddenly start supporting ubf or become “Baghdad Brian” again, that won’t happen, I assure you :) And no need to worry if this ubfriends blog will go away; I’ll do what is necessary from a technology standpoint to support the effort.

Sometimes however the only way to promote the unity Jesus prayed for in John 17 is to be silent. And I’m convinced that I need a time of silence now, and that the Spirit is guiding me to do so. How long will it last? I’m not sure. I hope many, many more will speak up and share their thoughts, concerns, prayers and most of all their hearts and souls here and elsewhere, no matter how ugly, messy or crazy it gets. Lives depend on it!

I’d like to share a highly convicting set of verses that have been repeatedly coming to mind after my personal study of Romans last year.

Romans 14:19-22

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall. So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.

Commenting on the “Most Commented.”

The top topics/issues “never” found on official UBF websites are:

1. Exodus: People leaving UBF (#1 and #10), often in droves since the 1970s.

2. Cult: Authoritarianism causes infuriation (#2 and #3).

3. Marriage: Countless horrible complaints about “marriage by faith” (#4 and #9).

4. Honesty: Please be honest!!! (#5 and #8), with #5 still being commented on.

5. Dialogue: Please let’s talk! (#6), instead of having too many “Bible” meetings where people can’t “talk,” because the meeting is controlled and driven by the leader’s agenda and directives!

6. Gospel: What is the gospel (#7)? Is UBF so mission driven that we forget or assume the gospel?

Is this short list an accurate reflection of the top issues that UBF has generally ignored or avoided over the years? What might other important issues be that are missing from this short list?

Subject: Needing your prayers

To my dear staff,

Over the past 33 years we’ve been together through every kind of crisis. Kay and I’ve been privileged to hold your hands as you faced a crisis or loss, stand with you at gravesides, and prayed for you when ill. Today, we need your prayer for us.

No words can express the anguished grief we feel right now. Our youngest son, Matthew, age 27, and a lifelong member of Saddleback, died today.

You who watched Matthew grow up knew he was an incredibly kind, gentle, and compassionate man. He had a brilliant intellect and a gift for sensing who was most in pain or most uncomfortable in a room. He’d then make a bee-line to that person to engage and encourage them.

But only those closest knew that he struggled from birth with mental illness, dark holes of depression, and even suicidal thoughts. In spite of America’s best doctors, meds, counselors, and prayers for healing, the torture of mental illness never subsided. Today, after a fun evening together with Kay and me, in a momentary wave of despair at his home, he took his life.

Kay and I often marveled at his courage to keep moving in spite of relentless pain. I’ll never forget how, many years ago, after another approach had failed to give relief, Matthew said “ Dad, I know I’m going to heaven. Why can’t I just die and end this pain?” but he kept going for another decade.

Thank you for your love and prayers. We love you back.

Pastor Rick

Reconciliation is the “hardest” job of Christians.

My weakest attribute. In the short run, there is no glory and no honor in reconciliation. Why not? From the Beatitudes (Mt 5:3-12), my weakest attribute is to be a peacemaker (Mt 5:9); I have been a troublemaker all of my life for as long as I (and my mom) can remember. Reconciliation requires peacemaking. Peacemaking requires considering the other person above yourself. It is tough. It feels like I must crucify my ego and pride, my glory and honor, if I truly want to be a peacemaker who promotes reconciliation.

Every man’s default is to self. Even Christians who genuinely love and serve others default to self when doing so. Others benefit when we love and serve them. But we also benefit when what we do benefits others. We do receive honor and glory when we love and serve others. I feel good when I think “I am a servant of God!” I feel good when others appreciate what I have done for them in Christ. Yes, there is glory and honor when we love and serve others as Christians should.

Even to reconcile with my dearest wife is hard. I love my dear wife more than my own life. But if she seems to be cold toward me, my spontaneous reaction is “I can play the same game too!!!” It is no fun if I am proactively humble, loving and gracious if I feel she is dismissive of me (which is my oversensitivity because of always wanting to be loved by her). If it is hard with a dear spouse, what about less dear ones?

For reconciliation and peacemaking, Jesus became the utmost hideous one. On the cross, there was no glory and honor for Jesus. He became like one from whom men hide their faces (Isa 53:3). Though he was the most beautiful and majestic one (Ps 27:4; Isa 33:17), he became like one who had no beauty or majesty (Isa 53:2). On the cross Jesus lost all of his honor and glory, so that we who have no honor and glory may be conferred with honor and glory through him.

Though this messy website may cause some who enter to lose their honor and glory, may God promote reconciliation through our feeble efforts.

Without neglecting the latter, do you agree that it is more biblical and pleasing to God to reconcile with one former church member, than to find and recruit 99 new members?

How does the apostle Paul shepherd God’s flock?

What is Paul’s attitude toward his “sheep”? For sure, UBF places a “high value” on being shepherds, which is not a bad thing. Unfortunately, it seems to me that the proper attitude of a shepherd toward subordinates and “sheep” has not been adequately emphasized. So, who else better than to try to discern what “top spiritual general” shepherd Paul’s attitude was toward his sheep. Here are a few verses that come to mind:

“I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling” (1 Cor 2:3).

“I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love… I did not want to do anything without your consent” (Phm 8,9,14).

“I am the least of the apostles” (1 Cor 15:9).

“I am less than the least of all the Lord’s people” (Eph 3:8).

“I am the worst” (1 Tim 1:15).

“I served the Lord with great humility and with tears” (Ac 20:19).

Some questions. So these are some questions that I would like to ask you:

Is this attitude of Paul the sense that you, as a current or former UBF member, have perceived from your top UBF leaders, shepherds, Bible teachers, elders, coordinators, regional or continental directors/coordinators, chapter directors, fellowship leaders, etc?

Do your UBF leaders generally ask you, appeal to you and reason with you, or do they basically command you and tell you what to do (or what not to do)?

Do they approach you with great fear and trembling, or do you feel intimidated or threatened by your leader/shepherd?

Do they speak and act as though they are the lesser, and the least, and the worst, before you, as Paul did before the disciples he led to Christ, and before the churches he planted?

I’m just asking questions. That’s all. Have fun and smile answering them.

At times, this website has been criticized for being one-sided, unbalanced, unhelpful, overly critical, and so on. Some of that criticism is deserved. Yet from my perspective, it seems rather disingenuous for people stand at a distance, to listen to a conversation going on, to claim that the conversation is unhealthy because alternative points of view are not being represented, but then to do absolutely nothing to join in the conversation.

I understand that there are good reasons why some people feel uncomfortable discussing controversial issues on a public website. In all honesty, I believe that it would be better if these conversations that are now happening on UBFriends were taking place in another forum. But until that venue exists, I don’t see any viable alternative for those who feel that their voices haven’t been heard, except to continue to speak out with the hope and prayer that someone, somewhere will hear them and respond.

Over the weekend, I ran across a thought-provoking article titled How to Make Enemies and Offend People. The author, a Christian writer named Bill Blankschaen, describes the powerful negative impact that silence can have on interpersonal relationships. When a person should say something but doesn’t, the silence can speak volumes. Blankschaen writes:

Sometimes, we choose to be quiet when we should be talking. We choose silence and think that we’re not saying anything. Not true.

He goes on to describe the damage that silence can wreak. He makes three compelling points.

1. When we choose to be silent and not respond to someone, it can be very offensive when they find out later what we really think of them through back-channel communication.

2. When we choose to be silent and not respond to someone, they are likely to interpret our silence as meaning that we just don’t care.

3. Some people will be offended by what they thought you meant when you didn’t say anything to them.

This article is a followup to an earlier piece titled Silence Speaks: What You Say When You Say Nothing At All.

So if you read material on this website and become upset by it, and your response is to say and do nothing, please consider all the possible messages that you are sending. Your silence is speaking volumes.

And if you feel that your silence is being misinterpreted, please ask yourself: Whose fault is that?

The article begins very abruptly:

You should know, first of all, that there’s no quick-fix here. There are not ten steps. There is no program that you can implement, no “Young Adult” class you can start.

This is not about your building or your music or your PowerPoint slides.

There is not a trendy foyer in the world with the power to bring us wandering back.

After all, there’s not much you can say to us that we haven’t already learned in some Sunday School classroom somewhere. We know the Bible stories. We heard them over and over, year after year until they became part of our blood, part of our bones.

Zierman explains that those people who left your chuch are not all the same. They left for many reasons and in many different circumstances of life:

We left quietly at age 14 when we joined the drama club, and it felt more like family than youth group ever did. We left in a huff at age 17, angry and rebellious, slamming the church door behind us. We left at 19 when we gave in to passion in some parked car somewhere – left after a dozen sermons and well-meaning Christian speakers told us that in surrendering our virginity, we had surrendered our worth. That we were broken beyond repair.

We stayed the course for a long time. We led the small groups, sang on the worship team, and you told us that we would change the world for Jesus. And then we went to Christian college, where people looked at us side-eyed and dared us to prove our faith. We turned inward, faded out, faded away.

We left after long hours praying for healing that never came. We left when the Christian Girls and the Mean Girls were the same girls. We disappeared into Depression. We walked out of a funeral service of someone too young, and we never stepped foot in a church again.

We left for a hundred different reasons, none less real or important than the other.

Each person who left UBF or any other church has his or her own reasons for leaving. Their testimonies are their own sacred property. Just as they cannot explain why I have stayed, I cannot explain why they have left. The stories must be told firsthand. Those stories should be received with reverent fear and should never, ever be dismissed. There is no guarantee that reconciliation will take place. But I can guarantee this: there will never be reconciliation without careful, patient and painful listening that draws the listener to a state of grief.

Zierman vividly describes what it is like to be an insider-turned-outsider:

So we sit, arms crossed at the edge of it, hypersensitive to your failures and your faults. We have spent the last several years honed in on our bullsh-t detectors, critical and cautious. We are constantly aware of the darkness: yours and ours. The whole wide world, broken and dying, hurling herself into the abyss.

We hear your bewildered conversations about how so many of us have left the church. You are head-scratching, writing books, trying to pinpoint the problem. You are feeling powerless to stop the mass exodus of a generation.

The article continues with some thought-provoking advice about how to approach the ex-member. Rather than spoiling it for you, I encourage you to read the full article here.

In the last few years, I have spent significant time talking to those who have left UBF. For reasons largely beyond my control, this website has become a place where current and ex-members talk to one another. Sometimes we do it pretty well. Sometimes we do it very poorly. Beautiful and ugly, it shall continue. We are all fumbling around, because of us has ever done this before.  But we want to do it better. I believe that we are in the process of doing it better.

If any current UBF members would like to join in the conversations with ex-members — either on this website or in private — I would like to suggest one thing that Zierman doesn’t mention.

Please don’t try to encourage them by talking about all the wonderful things that are now happening in your church. It will not encourage them. It’s as though you are suggesting that, now that they and those other bad apples have left, the problems have also gone away, and while you are inside reaping the benefits, they are left standing outside in the cold.

Imagine that you are attending a wedding reception. For whatever reason, an ugly fight breaks out that involves you or people close to you. Perhaps you get thrown out, or perhaps you decide that you have no choice but to leave. After you go, someone sends you a text message to say the party is going on merrily without you, and in fact has gotten better. How would that message make you feel?

Of course, Zierman’s whole article is built on the premise that the church reaches out to its ex-members. In the present climate, there are some who think that such outreach is unnecessary, that we ought to just forget about the ex-members and leave them behind because, after all, one day we will all be reconciled in heaven.

If you actually believe that, then please explain to me how it squares with Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 5:25-26. Seriously. I want to know.

On more than one occasion, different people said that those who joined West Loop (WL) UBF were simply coerced by me. It implied that they had no will power or decision making ability of their own. Or when some decision is made, the sentiment was that it was my decision, which I imposed on the collective majority at WL. When WL began in 2008, it was said that I was not wise in “choosing” people to join me at WL because the people I “choose” were not those who could prosper the ministry. This implied that WL people had no power or will to choose for themselves (because I choose them), and that they were not productive or fruitful people who can grow a church. Wow! Were some of my dearest friends just thrown under the bus?

Can you understand why this is my “worst” infuriation? What might yours be?

1. Reflect daily on the whole counsel/will/plan/purpose of God (Acts 20:27). Give my heart daily to meditation on the Word of God.
2. Read at least one chapter of the Bible a day following D.A. Carson’s daily commentary. This was my frequent failure in 2012.
3. Rely on God’s power and working daily (1 Pet 4:11; Phil 2:12-13). Only Jesus alone can build his church (Mt 16:18).
4. Recite two verses at the beginning of each day (Ps 19:14; Col 3:23). Only God can set my heart right (Gen 6:5; Jer 17:9; Prov 4:23).
5. Repent based on the gospel, not on guilt and fear (2 Cor 7:10). My offense is primarily against God (Ps 51:4).
6. Resolve not to fear any man (Prov 29:25). The fear of man emasculates. The gospel emboldens and humbles simultaneously.
7. Reject work righteousness (Eph 2:8-9). Emphasizing works, performance and behavior promotes pride (or despair) and never justifies anyone (Gal 2:16).
8. Resist authoritarianism which is of the devil (Acts 19:16), and which denies Jesus’ humble servant leadership (Mt 20:25-28; Mk 10:42-45; 1 Pet 5:2).
9. Review my progress often (1 Tim 4:15). It is so easy to feel stuck in a rut.
10. Renew my heart only by God’s transforming mercy (Dt 30:6; Eze 11:19, 36:26; Jer 31:33).
11. Rejoice always (1 Th 5:16), and never ever tire of testifying to the gospel of the grace of God (Acts 20:24).
12. Rest (Mt 11:28).

Do you have any random reflections to share for the new year?

My friend Brian Karcher is a critic of UBF (where he spent 24 years during the prime of his life). On Christmas day he posted this on Facebook: “And finally, to all those who de-friended me, told me I was listening to Satan’s voice, told me I was going to hell, played mind games with me by telling me no one wants to hear my thoughts, threatened to sue me, talked about me like I was possessed by an evil spirit or told me to shut up and go away– Merry Christmas! Here’s to an even more vocal 2013.”

As I read it, I wondered if any godly honorable God fearing Christian in UBF should have responded to him by:

• De-friending him on Facebook?
• Telling him he was listening to Satan’s voice?
• Saying he was going to hell?
• Playing mind games with him by telling him that no one wants to hear his thoughts?
• Threatening to sue him?
• Speaking with him like he was possessed by an evil spirit?
• Telling him to shut up and go away?
• Ignoring him? (An indifferent lukewarm response may be worse than the above.)

Would Jesus have ever done any of this? Would the father of the prodigal son (who represents God) have done this? Jesus pronounced seven woes on the Pharisees because he loved them and would die for them. Brian is not a Pharisee. But even if he is, do those who criticize Brian truly love him like their own children and are willing to die for him?

Honestly, I am disappointed/saddened by those who lambasted Brian or anyone else who dares to criticize UBF. (Yet I cannot be self righteous about this toward those who acted unbecomingly/unChristianly toward Brian. I did so myself for years.) Would they threaten to sue their children? Based on the Bible, should any Christian ever threaten? Sue? Even if Brian is possessed by an evil spirit (which he is not), did Jesus ever treat Judas like one possessed by the devil (which he was)?

Brian is not asking for an apology. But as loving UBF Christians, should those who did any of the above consider apologizing to Brian? Regardless of anything that Brian has said or done, should any Christian ever respond to him (or to any other CBF critic) in such ways?

What then can be done? (In related posts, I proposed nine practical suggestions for conflict resolution in a series on why we have divisions in the church.)

Dialogue, dialogue and more dialogue. This is so simple and accessible, yet so complicated, even painful. God says, “Come now, let us reason together” (Isa 1:18). But some older people are not quite “accessible” or “approachable.” They may implicitly communicate that they are “above” others, by virtue of their seniority, power ranking, leadership status, tenure, faithfulness, past achievements, fruitfulness, etc. Some younger people have expressed that it seems impossible to get a straight answer when they speak to some older UBF leaders, or when they ask specific questions. Can this and will this change?

Accountability must go both ways. Seniors expect accountability from juniors. But juniors should also expect accountability from seniors. But some seniors want to hold some exclusive rights, such as withholding information, not willing to give explanations, take exception to being questioned, plant the fear of themselves on juniors, elevate/defend themselves. Should seniors not be accountable?

DO NOT GUILT TRIP. What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you sacrifice for mission? We served for many years, why don’t you now serve like we did? Prove yourself as a shepherd, missionary! You must be faithful (to meetings, conferences, fishing, testimony writing, feeding sheep). I am not saying that these activities are bad or wrong. But I am very much against anyone who makes people feel guilty to make them do what the leader wants them to do. This is NOT how the gospel works. This is NOT how love works. This is NOT how grace works. Guilt tripping MUST STOP.

STOP legalistic impositions. Many UBF activities are good. Unfortunately they have become legalisms. As a result, freedom in Christ and freedom of the Spirit is lost. Worse yet, members are judged by whether or not they do certain practices: write testimonies, go fishing, attend meetings/conferences, whether or not they date, marry by faith, etc. These practices have become implicit/explicit impositions on UBF people if they want to be regarded as “good UBF Christians.” Will we stop imposing such expectations which promotes legalism and obscures the gospel?

Let local leaders lead. As good as some leaders may have once been, they are NOT the ones to lead the change for the next generation. They MUST be willing to step back, instead of holding on to their “positions of power” seemingly forever, or for too long. Ten more blogs can be written about this point alone.

Encourage critical thinking. UBF encourages compliance toward directives given by a leader, and an inadvertent accompanying discouragement of critical thinking. Where critical thinking is not encouraged, we become timid, passive, habitual, stale, predictable, boring and uninspiring.

Create safe places where anyone can say anything. Once a young leader asked me, “Can we say this?” I said, “Sure you can.” But the reality was that if she did speak up, she would have been “punished” or “marginalized” or “censured” in some way because it concerned the leader. So, she shut up. Do we have safe places in UBF where anyone can speak up freely without fear?

I think more than I do. I am not practical. So please do offer more doable, workable, practical proposals.

My thesis is that spiritual “order” is equality as in the Trinity, not hierarchy. Where hierarchy prevails, it butchers the Trinity, and makes Christianity ugly.

Keep spiritual order. Over the last three decades in UBF, I have often heard and used the phrase, “Keep spiritual order.” I explained the order as “God, man and the world.” It correctly teaches that God, who is the Creator, is the Lord of creation. Thus, in Christ and through the gospel, man should keep this spiritual order by submitting to and obeying God from his heart.

Guilt tripping. However, my implicit practical meaning is that my Bible student should listen to what I (and other UBF leaders) tell them, because I am their shepherd and Bible teacher, who is “above” them. This implicit meaning and communication is what I believe has led to scores of misapplication, guilt tripping, control, manipulation, wounding, and misunderstanding.

Marriage by faith “horror stories.” In my somewhat self-centered assessment, I think I have the best marriage by faith story in UBF, primarily because my wife has loved me and put up with me with endless mercy and grace from Jesus for 31 years. That said, I have also heard not a few “horror stories” of how a shepherd used marriage by faith to control and manipulate those who are marrying by faith–all in the name of “marriage training” and/or “humbleness training.” This, I believe, is a gross misapplication of “keeping spiritual order,” where the marriage couple is expected to subject themselves to the words and direction (and often humiliation) of their shepherd. Many have already commented in detail on this, and I will not elaborate on them.

Wrong biblical understanding of the relationship between the Father and the Son. It is true that the Son obeyed and submitted Himself to the will of the Father. But the Son obeyed as an equal of the Father, and not as a subordinate of the Father. I believe that this relationship of equality between the Father and the Son is key and crucial to us fellow UBFers–regardless of who is the teacher/senior, and who is the student/junior–in our relationship with each other.

Why some people wish that UBFriends would be shut down. What I have heard about UBFriends include (but are not limited to) the following:

• What’s wrong with Joe? What’s wrong with Ben?
• Commenters have mainly become ex-UBFers who are unthankful.
• Some say that Samuel Lee is not a Christian.
• I make sweeping generalizations. (True. Sorry. Please help me.)

Why UBFriends is good for UBF. I think that UBFriends is one of the best things that has ever happened to UBF in the last 50 years. Why? Because now we have no choice but to be increasingly transparent and accountable to each other. We also have to look at ourselves and our practices publicly and openly, without avoiding it, spinning it, or sweeping it under the carpet. If you disagree that UBFriends is good for UBF, then please, please, say so.

UBFriends promotes equality like that of the Father and the Son. In the past, juniors and younger people were always “overpowered” by seniors and older people, because they had no choice but to “keep spiritual order” in terms of submission rather than equality. Now, I believe that the tide is gradually changing, so that a junior or a younger person can freely and boldly speak up without fear, and with love, respect, humility and prayer, which often was not possible in the past.

Do you “keep spiritual order” with equality and boldness? Or do you do so with timidity and fear of punishment and repercussions from your human leader/shepherd?

“The Ends Justify the Means.” I thank Chris, Vitaly and Brian for sharing in detail the abuses of Samuel Lee in my last post. Without in any way exonerating Lee for what he did, I sensed Christ’s love and grace in and through Lee many times a week for over 2 decades up close and personal. That is why I and many others love him dearly, even while knowing the inexcusable unbiblical things that he did. I know that this is very very hard to swallow by those who have been wounded by similar abuses by other UBF leaders, for they adopted similar unscrupulous manipulative tactics in their “shepherding.” A major error here is our erroneous unbiblical perspective of “the ends justifying the means.” I shepherded others likewise countless times. To “squeeze repentance” out of some Bible students, I said horrendous, threatening and even lewd and vulgar things. I justified it because “otherwise, they won’t listen to the Bible.”

Healing and Reconciliation. Mainstream UBF people will not like that I write about Lee. Those who have been wounded by abusive UBF leadership feel that I am too generous in my “defense” of UBF. I am not trying to expose Lee’s flaws, nor am I defending UBF. But without honest, open and vulnerable dialogue, no healing and reconciliation is possible. This can only happen through the gospel of God’s grace (Acts 20:24). We need to be uncompromising of sin and a lack of love (expressed as righteousness) in ourselves. And we need to be gracious, forgiving, and loving to those who have wronged us. Forgiving and loving Lee and other UBF leaders in spite of their abuses and offenses is not being compromising of their sin, but biblical, for that is what God extended to us freely by his grace.

Speak the Truth in Love (Eph 4:15). This is the toughest thing for any Christian to do. Only Christ did it perfectly and we killed him! It is easy for any Christian to “speak the truth” about the abuses of Lee and other UBF leaders. But can we really do so with a longing affection of love (Phil 1:8), which is the primary biblical command? This also applies to UBF leaders who “speak the truth” about those who, in their mind, are dragging UBF in the mud. Can they do so with a genuine affection of love, such that they are more than happy to welcome their accusers into our own homes and share a meal with them? I would personally love to speak about this with you before a meal of steak and wine! Yet, clearly, none of us are able to love as Christ loved us. Yet, we are precisely commanded to do (Jn 13:34), and to do so perfectly! (Mt 5:48)

Weakness and Vulnerability. As Sharon shared in a previous post (The Way of the Cross is Dialogue), the only place we can ever truly meet is with weakness and vulnerability at the foot of the cross. God help us to do so more and more.

Dear Ben Toh-1998

I read your real testimony from 1998 with keen interest. Forgive me beforehand for being blunt and brutal in my response to you. I know you well enough to be able to do so. Also, you pride yourself as a man who can take anything thrown at him. But honestly your overuse of Dirty Harry’s “Go ahead. Make my day” is really quite annoying. Anyway, please take a deep breath and begin to brace yourself like a man!

Anthropocentricity: Is it really up to you? You wrote, “I know that I have failed to live up to your grace…” You are anthropocentric. You sound as if it is up to you to live up to God’s grace upon your life. Do you really think that by your own efforts, earnestness and sincerity, you can “live up to” God’s grace? Christians are to work out their salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). But are you allowing God to work in you (Phil 2:13)? If so, it is not clear to me how God has been working/speaking to you. You seem to imply through out your testimony that it is primarily your responsibility to “live up to” God’s grace.

“Incurvatus in se” (Latin) means “curved inward on oneself.” Your testimony seems very much so. It is self-centered and self-obsessed: “I have failed.” “I loathe myself,” “I have grieved you.” “I cling to small pleasures.” “I became corrupted.” You’re self-preoccupied. It is little wonder that you are stuck in your own self! It is quite tiring and exhausting to hear you groaning and moaning about yourself, your inadequacy and deficiencies. Please stop it! Are you not confident and overjoyed in God’s grace already extended to you from the Cross in spite of all your sins?

A debtor’s ethic. Twice, you mentioned grieving God’s servants and about God’s “great servants, Dr. Lee and Reverend Mother Barry…giving their lives.” They are indeed God’s wonderful servants whom I love and admire, for God chose them and used them greatly. Surely they loved you (and me) more than you might ever know. But you owe no debt to them or to God who has freely forgiven you by His sovereign choice and grace. God does not ask of you to pay back to Him, His servants or UBF. Is your motivation gratitude and thanksgiving? Or is it as a debtor who is trying to pay back what is owed? If it is the latter, please repent! It is futile. It cannot be done. It is not asked of you in the Bible.

Are you really that important??? You wrote, “…because of me, your precious flock under me are all wondering and directionless.” Do you think that you are that important and indispensable to UBF? To God? Do you really believe that you can sanctify yourself for others like Jesus (Jn 17:19)? You write as though the work of God in others is up to you. I am not negating the importance of your personal influence. But I am sorry that you have such a false sense of importance about yourself. It is quite sad, pathetic and pitiful!

Obsession with sex? You mentioned your curiosity about sexuality. I do commend you for being open and honest to share how (sexually) sinful you may still be even after 17 years as a Christian and 16 years of a happy marriage. Please share this prayerfully with your wife.

Where is Jesus in your testimony? You pour out and pronounce God’s wrath and judgment upon yourself. This sounds humble (superficially), as though you are repentant for your sins. Perhaps you are. But it seems that you have not deeply accepted, appreciated or applied what Jesus has already done for you on the cross (Jn 19:30; Heb 10:14).

For another day. I should stop though I can keep going! I’ve still not addressed your issues regarding subtle degrees of dualism, gnosticism, paternalism, patriarchy, primogeniture, semi-Pellagianism, and a painful lack of basic gospel understanding in your testimony. I will leave this for another time….if you are up to it!

God bless you Ben Toh-1998. Do make some progress by 2012. Enjoy Jesus. Live in His grace. Rejoice in His Spirit. Seek the whole counsel of God. Devour the Bible. Read extensively. Love God’s people and the church. And for heavens sake, stop moaning and groaning!

Any further admonishments? Adjustments? Advice?

Knowledge. Sadly, some Christians may be quite zealous and excited, but they do not have much to say. Knowledge must be deeply rooted in the Bible and the great theological tradition. Some have said that studying theology is divisive. I would say that ignorance is more divisive. Others say, “Just study the Bible.” This is good. But anyone can very easily “just study the Bible” with a narrow, skewed, rigid, unbalanced, inflexible, tribal and sectarian way that is quite offensive to other Christians with different traditions, cultures and experience. For example, it is not generally regarded as offensive for an American to disagree with their leader. But in Korean culture, it is invariably perceived very negatively as being rude, disrespectful and an anathema.

Audience. In UBF jargon, it would be “know your sheep.” Aristotle said, “Whatever is received is received according to the mode of the recipient (not the teacher).” A good Bible teacher must know the prejudices, expectations, mood and attitude of the one to whom he wishes to communicate. It helps to know which movies, songs, TV shows, and books average people like. If you don’t know the contemporary culture well, you may be correct, but not heard. This is always a hurdle of cross generational and cross cultural evangelism.

Culture. Be attentive to the patterns and events in the world that correspond to patterns and events in the scriptural revelation. That way, you will discover what the church fathers called the logoi spermatikoi, the seeds of the Word, that can see the good, the true and the beautiful in any culture. Karl Barth, the greatest Protestant theologian of the last century, proposed an image for prospective preachers that is just as valid for prospective evangelists: they should carry the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other.

TGIF. Today’s evangelists, Bible teachers, shepherds should be thoroughly conversant with the new media: Twitter, Google, Internet/Instant messaging/iPad, Facebook (TGIF), along with podcasting, and the myriad other means of communication available through the Internet.  These new media give the evangelist the opportunity to get his message out 24/7, all over the world at relatively little cost. Some old style, old school Christians are uncomfortable with this. But not interacting could lead to increasing irrelevance. This is here to stay and will only continue to explode.

We have to face the fact that the vast majority of eyes today are not glued to books or to newspapers, but to the computer screen.  Many years ago, a very successful writer said, “The first rule of the writer is to read.” Good advice. To follow it today, we have to get the message into the world where the most “readers” are found.

This is a very exciting time for Christians, in many ways as exciting as the middle years of the 1st century when the message about Jesus was brand new, or as the beginning of the 16th century when the printing press first emerged. Now is a kairos, a privileged moment, to declare the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Viva el Cristo rey! (Long live Christ the King).

Do you embrace Fr. Barron’s 5 points with a sense of excitement and challenge? Can you think of any other points to add? (Here is Fr. Barron’s full transcript of his video: The new evangelization and seminaries.)

• Belief and Behavior.
• Creed and Conduct.
• Doctrine and Duty.

Necessarily, the first always precedes the second, or the second always follows the first. Through Bible study, our behavior follows our belief, our conduct follows our creed, and our duty follows our doctrine, and not the other way around.

Freedom and rest. Tit 3:8 says, “…those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good.” When we trust God, we do what is good. When we truly believe, we behave. Those who know the grace of God are eager to do what is good (Tit 2:11,14). The Christian life is not one where we have to squeeze goodness out of reluctant people. Rather, it is a life that is joyfully lived out when the gospel is preached and taught. It is truly a life of freedom (2 Cor 3:17; Gal 5:1) and rest for our souls (Mt 11:29).

Bible study should proclaim, teach and emphasize the first BCD, because the second BCD follows the first.

What about me? My confession is that for over 2 decades of teaching the Bible as a Christian, I primarily emphasized the second BCD. My Bible teaching is laden with imperatives and commands: deny yourself (Mt 16:24), take up your cross (Mk 8:34), feed sheep (Jn 21:15-17), make disciples (Mt 28:19), meditate on God’s word day and night (Ps 1:2), be joyful (1 Th 5:16), pray continually (1 Th 5:17), always give thanks (1 Th 5:18), etc. If I felt the Bible student was not adequately responding in a timely fashion, I would throw in severe threats for good measure. (If you don’t repent, God will give you AIDS … or the Ebola virus!)

Did I do something wrong? “No” and “Yes.” “No,” because I did teach what the Bible said. But “yes” because I stressed the second BCD of behavior, conduct and duty, rather than the 1st BCD of belief, creed and doctrine. I did not deny the first BCD. However, I stressed the Christian life rather than Christ. I stressed being good rather than the gospel. I stressed doing rather than done. I stressed, “Finish your job,” rather than “It is finished” (Jn 19:30).

Is that a problem? I think it is because when behavior, conduct and duty is emphasized in Bible teaching and preaching, our outward Christian life can seem to be right, while our heart may drift (Mt 15:8; Isa 29:13). But God looks at the heart, not the nice outward Christian appearance (1 Sam 16:7).

Weary and tired. Also, when Christian duty is stressed, we soon become weary and tired. When behavior and conduct is emphasized, the Christian life is driven by a sense of duty and burden, rather than the unending wonder of who Jesus is.

Is the BCD of Bible teaching and preaching relevant and practical?

Code of Ethics for Pastors (CEP). Over 18 months, through a taskforce that included ethicists, pastors, editors and denominational leaders, the NAE (National Association of Evangelicals) developed and adopted the NAE CEP on Mar 8, 2012. The CEP is a 4 page document that can be read, downloaded and signed here. Notable pastors who have signed it are Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Tim Keller, Max Lucado, etc.

The 5 headings of the CEP are:

1. Pursue Integrity.
2. Be Trustworthy.
3. Seek Purity.
4. Embrace Accountability.
5. Facilitate Fairness.

How have we done? As I read the CEP, I would say that UBF pastors, chapter directors, and elders have generally done well. No leader is perfect or sinless. They/we all have blind spots, cultural biases, and some degree of pride, which is our common curse. But UBF leaders do want to exalt Christ, give their hearts to studying, preaching and teaching the Bible as of utmost importance, and lead others sacrificially with purity of heart. There are countless stories of UBF leaders who have lived honorable and God exulting lives for decades. This is not to say that they have not said, done and made decisions that were “sinful,” showing favoritism, inward focused, clandestine, and questionable. After all, all our leaders are exactly like us in that they do actually sin in real ways!

How has our founder done? I (and others) have commented on some deficiencies of UBF founder Samuel Lee. Yet my ultimate recollection of knowing Lee for 22 years is that he is a genuinely loving man who is transformed by God, who sacrificially loves Jesus and his kingdom, and is a man of faith and industry. Yet some of his actions were questionable and would not stand up to these CEP, especially in reference to accountability and transparency, which I attribute to his authoritarian leadership stemming from a culture steeped in hierarchy and “spiritual order.” Such authoritarianism is what we in UBF are continuing to address, discuss, and rectify.

Accountability and Transparency. How might this code of ethics be helpful to UBF? #4 is “embrace accountability.”  Without a doubt, UBF leaders have tended not to be accountable, especially to those who are younger and junior to them, because of our longstanding culture of hierarchy. Shepherds (and leaders) have tended not to be accountable to sheep, while expecting sheep to always be accountable to them. Hierarchy and a lack of accountability has resulted in suboptimal confession of sin, a reluctance to sincerely apologize, and inadequate transparency among some leaders, resulting in well articulated grievances.

Fairness and Equality. #5 is “facilitate fairness.” Sinners show favoritism. I “favor” my 4 kids over other people’s kids. I wish I didn’t. But I do. Likewise, leaders tend to favor those who do not question them. But the church is a kingdom of priests and a brotherhood of believers. Being made in God’s image, we expect justice, fairness and equality among ourselves. A sense of fairness and equality in the church will be greatly enhanced with increased accountability, transparency, dialogue, and humble confession of sin.

Do read the 4 page code of ethics. Do offer comments as to how UBF may improve in our ethical practices and standards.

Reinhold Niebuhr, An Interpretation of Christian Ethics. 1956.

Good, godly, well intentioned, “righteous” Christians (usually leaders) hurt and wound others in Christian community. Why am I writing this? 4 reasons:

1. To remind myself that as an older Christian leader, it is so easy for me to wound others, beginning with my wife and children, not to mention members of my Christian community.
2. To appeal to Christian leaders to take personal responsibility for hurting/wounding their flock, even if they “never intended to.”
3. To empathize with the wounded, and pray that they may extend mercy to those who have wounded them in the name of Christ.
4. To see Christ’s wounds in our own woundedness.

How and why are the righteous “cruel” when they should love others as Christian leaders? My very limited answer is based entirely on my observations as a Christian in UBF over the last 30 years.

Christian leaders believe it is their right and duty to correct/train others. 2 Tim 3:16 says that Scripture is profitable for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. Through Scripture the Holy Spirit teaches, rebukes, corrects and trains Christians. But sometimes Christian leaders think that it is their job to do the work of the Holy Spirit, thereby over-stepping their bounds of authority.

Christian leaders emphasize their good intentions. If and when confronted about their “cruelty,” they might become defensive. Next, they express their good intentions in trying to help and serve others. Though this may be true, such statements never console any person wounded by them.

Christian leaders are relatively “blind” to their own self-righteousness. Every Christian without exception sees more clearly the faults/sins of others, rather than their own (Mt 7:3-4), including Christian leaders.

Christian leaders act/think as though they are “above” their flock. In UBF we love the verses about shepherding/shepherds (Ac 20:28; 1 Pet 5:2; Jn 10:11, 21:15-17). This has led some shepherds to think, feel or act as though they are “above” their sheep with extra clout, power and authority.

Christian leaders do not reveal their own specific weaknesses, while pointing out the specific weaknesses of others. How unfortunate to hear a Christian leader say, “He’s unthankful.” Does this not also apply to him or her before God?

Christian leaders do not clearly confess their own specific sins while expecting and encouraging their members to sincerely repent of their sins. In Life Together, Bonhoeffer spends a whole chapter stressing the importance of sin confession by all.

Christian leaders credit themselves for their sacrifice and hard work, while blaming others for the ministry’s lack of progress. This just crushes people and guilt trips them.

Christian leaders speak/act condescendingly. No one likes to be told rather than asked, commanded rather than persuaded (giving them no choice), spoken down to, screamed at, yelled at, etc. No one ever forgets someone who blew up at them.

Christian leaders fail to adequately condescend/incarnate themselves. This is humanly impossible for everyone, including the Christian leader. But without the condescension of the leader, no authentic Christian community can result. Likewise, without Jesus’ condescension (Phil 2:5-8), we’re all dead.

Christian leaders do not let go of control. As a result, people feel controlled and not led by God.

Christian leaders do not welcome critique, while critiquing others. This causes an unhealthy one way top down communication from leader to member. Such shepherding results in spiritual abuse, which is bullying. Such authoritarian leadership is unhealthy leadership that Jesus warns against (Mk 10:42-44).

Biblical commands do not change people; only the gospel changes people (2 Cor 3:18), for the imperatives are based on the indicatives and the order is not reversible.

Wounded persons find it hard to love. Wounded people mainly wound others. Only Jesus’ wounds heals us (1 Pet 2:24; Isa 53:5; Ps 103:1-3), both “shepherds” and “sheep.”

1. The Ministry of Holding One’s Tongue (Ps 50:19-21; Jas 1:26, 3:2, 4:11-12; Eph 4:29)
2. The Ministry of Meekness (Rom 12:3,16)
3. The Ministry of Listening (Jas 1:19)
4. The Ministry of Helpfulness (Phil 2:4)
5. The Ministry of Bearing (Gal 6:2; Col 3:13; Eph 4:12)
6. The Ministry of Proclaiming (2 Tim 4:2)
7. The Ministry of Authority (Mk 10:43)

Who is Greater? Every Christian community begins with a seed of discord, which is “an argument … among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest” (Lk 9:46). “Hence it is vitally necessary that every Christian community from the very outset face this dangerous enemy…for from the first moment when a man meets another person he is looking for a strategic position he can assume and hold against that person. It is the struggle of the natural man for self-justification. He finds it only in comparing himself with others, in condemning and judging others. Self-justification and judging others go together, as justification by grace and serving others go together.”

Hold Your Tongue. “To speak about a brother covertly is forbidden, even under the cloak of help and good will; for it is precisely in this guise that the spirit of hatred among brothers always creeps in…” (Ps 50:19-21; Jas 4:11-12; Eph 4:29) This should help us “to cease from constantly scrutinizing the other person, judging him, condemning him. Strong and weak, wise and foolish, gifted or ungifted, pious or impious, the diverse individuals in the community, are no longer incentives for talking, judging, condemning, and thus excuses for self-justification. They are rather cause for rejoicing in one another and serving one another. Every Christian community must realize that not only do the weak need the strong, but also that the strong cannot exist without the weak. The elimination of the weak is the death of the fellowship. Not self-justification, which means the use of domination and force, but justification  by grace, and therefore service, should govern the Christian community. Once a man has experienced the mercy of God in his life he will henceforth aspire only to serve.”

Meekness. “He who would learn to serve must first learn to think little of himself.” (Rom 12:3,16) “This is the highest and most profitable lesson, truly to know and to despise ourselves. To have no opinion of ourselves, and to think always well and highly of others, is great wisdom and perfection” (Thomas Kempis). “Because the Christian can no longer fancy that he is wise he will also have no high opinion of his own schemes and plans. He will be ready to consider his neighbor’s will more important and urgent than his own. The desire for one’s own honor hinders faith. One who seeks his own honor is no longer seeking God and his neighbor. (Jn 5:44) What does it matter if I suffer injustice? Would I not have deserved even worse punishment from God? One who lives by justification by grace is willing and ready to accept even insults and injuries without protest. If my sinfulness appears to me to be in any way smaller or less detestable in comparison with the sins of others, I am still not recognizing my sinfulness at all. My sin is of necessity the worst, the most grievous, the most reprehensible. Brotherly love will find any number of extenuations for the sins of others; only for my sin is there no apology whatsoever. ‘Never think that thou hast made any progress till thou look upon thyself as inferior to all’ (Thomas Kempis).”

Listening. “The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them.” Do not “forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either. This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but clerical condescension arrayed in pious words. There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is an impatient, inattentive listening, that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the Word of God.”

Helpfulness. “The second service that one should perform for another in a Christian community is that of active helpfulness. We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God. God will be constantly crossing our paths and canceling our plans by sending us people with claims and petitions. It is a strange fact that Christians and even ministers frequently consider their work so important and urgent that they will allow nothing to disturb them.They think they are doing God a service, but actually they are disdaining God.”

Bearing (Gal 6:2; Col 3:13; Eph 4:12). “Bearing means forbearing and sustaining. The brother is a burden to the Christian, precisely because he is a Christian. For the pagan the other person never becomes a burden. He simply sidesteps every burden that others may impose upon him. It is only when he is a burden that another person is really a brother and not merely an object to be manipulated.” Jesus did likewise (Isa 53:4-5). “To cherish no contempt for the sinner but rather to prize the privilege of bearing him means not to have to give him up as lost, to be able to accept him, to preserve fellowship with him through forgiveness.”

The key sentence in regards to Ministry: “Where the ministry of listening, active helpfulness, and bearing with others is faithfully performed, the ultimate and highest service can also be rendered, namely, the ministry of the Word of God.”

Proclaiming. “…in which one person bears witness in human words to another person, speaking the whole consolation of God, the admonition, the kindness, and the severity of God. (But if the speaking of the Word) is not accompanied by worthy listening, (active helpfulness, from a spirit of bearing and forbearing rather than impatience and the desire to force its acceptance) how can it really be the right word for the other person?” “We warn one another against the disobedience that is our common destruction. We are gentle and we are severe with one another, for we know both God’s kindness and God’s severity. Why should we be afraid of one another, since both of us have only God to fear?” “The more we learn to allow others to speak the Word to us, to accept humbly and gratefully even severe reproaches and admonitions, the more free and objective will we be in speaking ourselves.” “(The) renunciation of our own ability is precisely the prerequisite and the sanction for the redeeming help that only the Word of God can give to the brother. (Ps 49:7-8; Jas 5:20)”

Authority (Mk 10:43). “Genuine spiritual authority is to be found only where the ministry of hearing, helping, bearing, and proclaiming is carried out. Genuine authority realizes that it can exist only in the service of Him who alone has authority. (Mt 23:8) Pastoral authority can be attained only by the servant of Jesus who seeks no power of his own, who himself is a brother among brothers submitted to the authority of the Word.”

How’s your ministry of being heard/listening? Being helped/helping others? Borne with/bearing with others? Taught/teaching others with spiritual authority?

Bad leaders caricature others. In my experience, among the worst things that I have heard repeatedly is when an older leader labels someone else in the church whom he thinks is out of line. Maybe you have heard this too. The leader says about someone else: “He’s proud.” “He’s immature.” “He’s childish.” “He’s selfish.” “He’s untrained.” “He’s lazy.” “He’s worldly.” Now you can add “He’s a Judas.” Whenever I hear these statements, my thought is, “Do you look at the mirror and ever wonder if any of this applies to you as well?” I would call out anyone who calls himself a Christian leader and who dares to say this about someone else. I am pro-church discipline. But this categorization and caricature of others is without question an unhealthy, un-Christian form of leadership. It reeks of a lack of all the major Christian attributes of love, mercy, grace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, self-control (1 Cor 13:4-7; Gal 5:22-23).

No one is a leader simply because they are better than others. As long as we are in the church, we will experience good and bad forms of leadership practiced by our leaders or by ourselves. See my articles on Spiritual Abuse and Spiritual Bullying. When I started writing those 2 blogs, I wanted to address spiritual abuse in UBF, but instead found myself under my own indictment! Dave Kraft, in his book, Leaders Who Last, wrote, “As a (Christian) leader, everything I am and everything I do needs to be anchored in my identity with Christ. Leadership begins and ends with a clear understanding of the gospel and being rooted in the grace of Jesus Christ as a free gift.”

All things to a Christian, is a free gift of grace, including leadership. Christian leadership never gives the leader any advantage or superiority over his members. Christian leadership must communicate Jesus, who is full of grace and truth. Jesus did not use his leadership for political maneuvering, controlling his disciples, coercing them, or forcing them to do what they should (Mk 10:42-44). Jesus loved them and died for them. Jesus was full of grace toward them, never treating them (and us!) as their (our) sins deserve (Ps 103:10). The disciples did not understand Jesus when he was alive. But when he died, they would follow him unto death, even though no one told them to.

What is your experience of Christian leadership?

Whenever I read Genesis 18, I am shocked. How could God be a friend with Abraham? Abraham left God hanging for 13 years after Ishmael was born. Abraham used God time and time again. God is God and yet he shares his plans with Abraham. God listens to Abraham and in the end accepts his prayer to save Sodom for the sake of 10 people. (Ultimately, God does destroy Sodom, but he still listens to Abraham.)

If Genesis 18 had been a conversation between a senior missionary (SM) and a younger or junior missionary (JM),  it would go something along the lines of this (hypothetically):

JM: Please spare the city for the sake of 50 people.

SM: You are a young missionary. You don’t know what you are talking about.

JM: Please. I’ve been here for several years. I just have a suggestion.

SM: No, you will always be a young missionary. Humble yourself. If you are not happy with the situation then go and start your own chapter, and prove yourself. We will not compromise (as Dr. Ben said, “Shape Up or Ship Out”).

End of discussion….

I hope no one gets offended, but this is just a pattern that I’ve noticed. But, I don’t think this behavior reflects God’s heart.

I agree with MJ. Do you? Are there cultural nuances or blind spots that I am missing? (I am sorry if the picture does not well depict the parody!)

Bowing to alternative views that appeal to us has always been a temptation. We refuse to believe there is only one way of salvation, only one way to the Father. We choose to believe there are many paths to God.

Why? Because if there are many paths to God instead of just one, then we can willfully and selfishly choose the path we want. We can live the way we want, and never be held accountable by God. We can choose a religion that appeals to our own pride and vanity.

This quotation by evangelist Michael Youssef recently appeared in a friend’s Facebook post, and when I saw it, I instinctively felt a negative reaction. I hope you don’t mind humoring me as I try to explain myself, because this matters to me. I am not objecting to the content of Dr. Youssef’s words, but to the tone and attitude behind them as they are likely to be perceived in our present historical context. I think that his words are unlikely to accomplish what he hopes they will, which is to bring sinners to repentance.

Perhaps I seem arrogant to challenge a man who is, I am sure, very great and genuine. But I am bothered by his words and want to tell you why.

I do not deny that sinners are selfish, willfully disobedient and given over to Satan’s temptation. But as followers of Jesus, we ought to be willing to apply those rebukes to ourselves first. And God is using this postmodern generation to help us do just that.

A few years ago, Rick Richardson spoke at a UBF Staff Conference. One of his major points was that we are now living and evangelizing in a context where the church has a bad name. There is a deep breach of trust between Christians and non-Christians which we ignore at our own peril. I’ve spent years speaking to students on campus and have seen this firsthand. Over the last two centuries, the Church has damaged its witness by assuming a position of privilege and power. Christians’ overconfidence in their own positions, dogma, and practice has left many people hurt and wounded (even dead!) and deeply disillusioned by the Christian faith. In this historical context, shouldn’t our stance be one of humility and openness to criticism? But I don’t hear this in the quote by Mr. Youssef.

I recently read The Open Secret: An Introduction to the Theology of Mission by Leslie Newbigin (Revised edition, 1995). The meaning of the book’s title is this. As Christians, we have been brought into God’s kingdom. That kingdom in all its glory is already fully present and realized in Jesus. But among his followers in this world, that kingdom is still a well hidden secret, not yet apparent to the human eye. Jesus has died and risen and been bodily glorified, but we as yet have not. Until we have been glorified with Jesus, our relationship to this world must resemble the relationship that Jesus had when he physically walked among us: a relationship characterized by openness and meekness.

Newbigin bases his argument on the principle of election. Election has been widely misunderstood and misapplied. God’s elect are people chosen and called by God. But because they are sinners, they all too easily mistake their election for a kind of special status that makes them superior to the non-elect. This happened among Israelites in the Old Testament, and it happens within the Church today. All too easily, election morphs into a position of privilege and power. But the biblically accurate picture of election is a position not of privilege but of humility and suffering.

God’s elect are called to the way of the cross. Here we need to be very careful, because this too is often misunderstood. What is the way of the cross? Is it to obey a life of “mission,” of obedience to church practices, dogmas or even to Bible verses? At times it may include these, but the way of the cross is much more than these. To follow the way of the cross it to live with a deep sense of responsibility toward our fellow human beings. It is to live as a witness to the salvation we have been given in Jesus. This responsibility goes far beyond verbally stating certain uncompromising truths which are commonly used in evangelistic presentations. No, it is much, much harder than that. To follow the way of the cross, we have to actually live out and embody the uncompromising truths of the gospel.

The way of the cross, according to Newbigin, requires that we enter into mutual relationships of love with God and with the Other (the non-Christian). This relationship with the Other may be hard and long-suffering. It may take enormous investments of time, humility and love to lay the foundations of trust. Trust develops through open, reciprocal dialogue where privilege, power and position have no place. This is the nature of missionary encounter. It involves listening to, entering into the reality of, and even accepting the rebuke of the Other. You can’t enter into this kind of mutual dialogue with Other as anything but equals before the cross, as a living witness to Jesus who is there seeking the sinner.

Missionary encounter doesn’t happen when you hone your argument skills, puff up your chest, and boldly declare your uncompromising convictions, letting the chips fall where they may. That doesn’t resemble Jesus. Nor, for that matter, Peter or Paul.

This is how Newbigin (p. 182) describes the purpose of dialogue with people who do not share our faith:

This purpose can only be obedient witness to Jesus Christ. Any other purpose, any goal that subordinates the honor of Jesus Christ to some purpose derived from another source, is impossible for Christians. To accept such another purpose would involve a denial of the total Lordship of Jesus Christ. A Christian cannot try to evade the accusation that, for him or her, dialogue is part of obedient witness to Jesus Christ. But this does not mean that the purpose of dialogue is to persuade the non-Christian partner to accept the Christianity of the Christian partner. Its purpose is not that Christianity would acquire one more recruit. On the contrary, obedient witness to Christ means that whenever we with another person (Christian or not) enter into the presence of the cross, we are prepared to receive judgment and correction, to find that our Christianity hides within its appearance of obedience the reality of disobedience. Each meeting with a non-Christian partner in dialogue therefore puts my own Christianity at risk

(emphasis mine).

In other words, my own beliefs and practices of Christianity are never the same thing as Jesus himself. In a true missionary encounter, it is Jesus, not our proclamations of Jesus or anything else, who is at work. Evangelists are always in danger of talking about Jesus as if he is not there, reducing him to a belief system or a few Bible verses. Doctrinal positions may communicate certain things about Jesus, but they are not the same thing as Jesus. Jesus is a person. Sharing the gospel, his personhood, does not resemble a one-way transmission. It is not a monologue in which one party merely issues declarative statements and the other party merely receives them. True communication among persons always involves dialogue.

In another excellent book, Missional Church in Perspective by Craig Van Gelder and Dwight Zscheile (2011), the authors put it this way (p. 134):

The gospel is not merely a possession to be passed from one person to another, a kernel that exists in whatever cultural husk is at hand, but rather a living event in, between, and beyond us that changes both parties involved in the encounter.

The words of Michael Youssef which I quoted at the beginning of this article may be true in a certain propositional sense, but in our current historical context they fall far short of reflecting The Truth. I cannot imagine that Jesus himself would approach the Other who is reluctant, (yes, proud, but also) skeptical, disillusioned, and possibly hurt by Christians or the Church with what appears to be flippant disregard, labeling them as selfish, willfully disobedient and given to lies simply because they do not yet believe as he does. Jesus wants far more from us. Jesus requires us to let him love them through us, the forgiven ones, by listening carefully to them, hearing and healing the lack of trust which often lies at the root of their objections, and not assuming that we are the sole possessors of the truth whose job is to defend it all costs. Jesus would never be satisfied with an uncompromising proclamation of doctrines which makes dialogue impossible and drives the nonbeliever away. If Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life, then he will be alive and present and active in our encounter with the Other if we allow it.

Near the end of Newbigin’s book (p. 181), he portrays the missionary encounter with a simple yet profound diagram.

The ascending staircases are all the various ways by which human beings have tried to better themselves and reach God. They represent “all the ethical and religious achievements that so richly adorn the cultures of humankind.” But in the center, at the bottom of every staircase, stands a symbol of a different kind. It is not a cultural or belief system but an historic event. This event involved a double exposure. God “exposed himself in total vulnerability” to human beings, allowing us to do to him whatever we pleased. And at the same time, he “exposed us as the beloved of God who are, even in our highest religion, the enemies of God.” This diagram conveys the paradoxical truth that God meets us at the bottom of our staircases, not at the top. “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Mk 2:17).

This same paradoxical truth applies in the missionary encounter. My system of Christianity as it has developed through history is one of the staircases. If I want to have an evangelistic meeting with a person of another faith, I need to come down from my staircase to the very bottom, to the base of the cross, where the two of us may stand on equal footing. There must be a self-emptying. “Christians do not meet their partners in dialogue as those who possess the truth and holiness of God but as those who bear witness to a truth and holiness that are God’s judgment on them and who are ready to hear the judgment spoken through the lips and life of their partner of another faith” (emphases mine).

Whenever I taught Cain and Abel in 1:1 Bible study since the early ’80s, I emphasized the utmost importance of “doing what is right” from Gen 4:7. I even titled my Bible study “DO WHAT IS RIGHT.” I taught Gen 4:7 as an imperative/command: “You must do what is right.” But was this how God was communicating Gen 4:7 to Cain?

One of my favorite short (non-theological) quotes is from the movie Hitch (2005)–a romantic comedy where Will Smith plays a date doctor. In advising a young man on how to win the girl of his dreams Smith says, “60% of all human communication is nonverbal body language. 30% is your tone. So that means 90% of what you’re saying ain’t coming out of your mouth.” I love this quote, because it says in a cute practical way what we are truly communicating with anyone (not just the one we love). How was God communicating to Cain (beyond his words)? What are you truly communicating when you preach, teach the Bible, or interact with others?

When Cain became very angry (Gen 4:5), God didn’t say, “How dare you get angry at me? Who do you think you are? Do you know who I am?” God also didn’ say, “Let me tell you what you must do.” Rather, when we observe Gen 4:6-7, God asked 3 questions (Gen 4:6-7a) followed by a statement of truth (Gen 4:7b).

Wouldn’t you agree that our God was full of grace toward Cain when God stated the truth to him in Gen 4:7? Isn’t the gracious God of angry Cain also the gracious God of the wayward younger son and the gracious God of the Pharisee-like older son (Lk 15:11-32)? Shouldn’t grace (not just truth in our words) color all we do as Christians?

Related to the above questions is a “famous” quote from Richard Dawkins’ “The God Delusion” which atheists love. Dawkins himself read it at the end of the documentary movie Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed:

“The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic (woman hater), homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal (killing one’s child), pestilential (causing disease), megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic (denying pleasure), capriciously (impulsive) malevolent (doing evil) bully.” (Brackets mine.)

Answers (and rebuttals) welcomed.

As you consider these questions, let me comment on some snippets as reminders and for reflection from About This Site:

* Unity by Embracing Differences: “Our purpose is to foster open interpersonal communication on spiritual matters that leads to Christian community: Christ + Communication = Unity. Unity is not … uniformity. Christians do not all think alike. …there is a diversity of opinion on many issues within the (church). As the gospel welcomes people of every tribe, tongue and nation, it also challenges us to stretch ourselves beyond what is comfortable. The degree to which we imitate Christ is not measured by how much we love those who are similar to us, but by how much we embrace those who are different.” (Italics mine.)

If you’re a Bears fan like myself, you’d naturally love fellow Bears fans, even if they annoy you. That’s expected. But if you love the Packers and their fans, that’s exceptional! That’s a Christian who loves and embraces those different from them. Our hope is to promote unity (which cannot be forced), and not cause division (which is Satan’s constant ploy).

* Discussing Difficulties and Disagreements: “Our purpose is to (have a) forum to learn, to think, and to express themselves in a healthy, friendly manner. We hope this website will…help us to see multiple sides of difficult issues and truly learn from one another, even when we do not agree.”

Disagreeing agreeably is a sign of Christian maturity and humility. It is not easy to embrace anyone you disagree with, even if it is your loving spouse. (I should know!) But when we disagree and express our differences, we can ask God’s help to humble ourselves and be gracious when we remember our gracious Lord, who does not treat us as our sins deserve (Ps 103:10). Christian humility is being agreeable when we disagree; it is being embracing when we are embittered.

* Trust and Respect: “We regard you, our readers, as grownups who can discuss matters with kindness and civility, weigh different viewpoints and make up your own minds. Because we trust Jesus, we also trust you.” Also from Submit An Article: “We recognize that sincere believers maintain a variety of opinions on many issues, and as we learn to express ourselves and listen to others with love and respect, we may all grow and mature.”

Trust and respect is the lasting glue to any friendship or relationship. If we do not trust or respect others, even our own children or long standing close friends, we weaken or break that relationship. For the most part, UBFriends has been a website where no one is afraid to say what they wish, as we attempt to welcome all who share. The church (or Christian website) should always be a safe place for anyone to come and find comfort and solace in their quest for truth. Jesus said that he did not come for the healthy who have “no problems,” but for the sick who desperately need him and his healing (Mk 2:17).

* No Cheap Shots: Finally, these guidelines have generally been followed: “All writing should be good natured. Criticism, if warranted, should be offered in a spirit of kindness and love. Condescending, demeaning, mocking or offensive statements are unacceptable.” “Personal attacks or revealing sensitive information about individuals is not acceptable.” Thank you and thank God.

Do freely share your thoughts and suggestions. Merry Christmas 2011 and a Happy New Year 2012.

“Ah,” the neighbor says. “I hear you are religious! Great! Religion is a good thing. Where is your temple or holy place?”

“We don’t have a temple,” replies the Christian. “Jesus is our temple.”

“No temple? But where do your priests work and do their ritual?”

“We don’t have priests to mediate the presence of God,” replies the Christian. “Jesus is our priest.”

“No priests? But where do you offer your sacrifices to acquire the favor of your God?”

“We don’t need a sacrifice,” replies the Christian. “Jesus is our sacrifice.”

“What kind of religion is this?” sputters the pagan neighbor.

And the answer is, it’s no kind of religion at all.

In its very essence the Gospel or Christianity signifies the end of religion. The above imaginary conversation expresses how the Gospel is different from and the very opposite of how people perceive Religion to be, including Christianity that is inadequately understood and communicated.  (The differences in the table between Religion and the Gospel is explained further in the link). Briefly, Religion is man’s effort to reach God, while the Gospel is the good news that God reaches out to man through Jesus Christ. Interestingly, it was the most religious people of Jesus’ day that schemed to kill Jesus and they did. To give mankind peace and rest, Jesus put an end to religion, while the religious elite put an end to Jesus. Religion is always threatened by and opposed by the Gospel of Jesus.

Do you understand Christianity to be the Gospel (good news) of God saving you through Christ? Or might you think of Christianity as your efforts of trying to get to God?

As Brian said, this was breaking and entering. It was a sad and unfortunate event. When I read the personal account of James Kim online, I felt heart broken and stunned, because of the rude, cruel, and ungracious way that he and his wife were treated. On a personal note, they had both taught the Bible to and loved my fiesty wife Christy for 3-4 years until she moved to Chicago to marry me in 1981. Furthermore, James Kim had given all of his youth not to pursuing his own ambition, but to sacrificially serving college students in UBF for 2 decades, both in Korea and in the U.S. Perhaps because of this event, apparently out of nowhere I suddenly remembered a somewhat similar event that happened about 25 years ago in Chicago UBF involving myself and a senior missionary. It is far less serious and dramatic. This is what happened.

In the mid-1980s Chicago UBF bought what has since been known as the UIC Bible House. After we bought it, a missionary couple was living on the 2nd floor as the steward of the Bible house, similar to David and Kristen Weed today. One day, my shepherd Dr. Samuel Lee told me to move into the Bible house, and to go and tell the missionary couple to move out. I was shocked at his directive. But I thought I was being tested. I also thought that perhaps I might be “more worthy” of living in the Bible house, because I had “more sheep and more growing disciples” than he did. (It is painful to confess my shameful way of thinking.) So I obeyed. I went and knocked on his door. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I told him that he and his wife had to move out right away, because Dr. Lee told me and my wife to move in. I can never forget the look of shock and surprise on his face. But he and his wife quietly and obediently moved out almost immediately without a single question or objection or complaint or display of anger. Then my wife and I moved in.

When I recalled this event, I immediately called up this missionary and met with him on Fri July 22, and I apologized to him personally for what I did a quarter of a century ago. He was very gracious. We laughed as we talked. We expressed how Dr. Lee would “do such things,” and that no one dared to question him. We acknowledged that Dr. Lee loved God and students, yet he too was a sinner who needed the grace of Jesus. But we both also acknowledged that such unchecked authoritarian practices and unilateral decisions should not be emulated. Especially, we both agreed that Dr. Lee’s authoritarian style of leadership is not healthy for UBF and that our past sins of doing so should be acknowledged, addressed and repented of. After our half an hour conversation, we prayed and thanked God for his mercy and grace to us in spite of all our sins.

Without question, Dr. Lee served God’s purpose in his own generation (Acts 13:36). God used him for 40 years as God’s instrument to make disciples in UBF of all nations (Matt 28:19) from 1961 to 2002. His life tremendously influenced countless leaders in UBF through out the world, including me, to love Jesus and to serve God. But some of his methods of leadership and discipleship, which were influenced by his times and culture, were abusive and exploitative. I fear that such a precedent might have been inadvertently set, since “Dr. Lee did it.” Clearly, what I did was wrong, regardless of what he told me to do, and I take full responsibility for it. In the past it was simply overlooked and unquestioned, and it may even have been regarded as being commendable and praiseworthy of “obedience.” Today, it would not be condoned.

I decided to post my confession, hoping that others who experienced or did similar things, might begin to say so openly, as our repentance and prayer that such unhealthy authoritarian practices and unilateral decisions by leaders may no longer be practiced in our church. Instead, we may prayerfully and humbly be continually transparent and accountable to each other in the Lord.

Trust and respect. In Part II I listed sixteen sources of conflict. Are there common underlying factors? I believe so. Trust and respect are the glue that binds people together in friendship. Any fellowship or friendship will weaken if there is disrespect and/or a lack of trust between people. Many of the sixteen listed in Part II communicate disrespect or send the message “I don’t trust you.” If a husband disrespects his wife, or if a wife does not trust her husband, the marriage will weaken. The same will happen within relationships in the church.

Inequality. If I had to boil everything down to just one point, I would say that divisions occur whenever there is perceived inequality in our interactions with church members. Why? God made us in his image (Gen 1:27-28) – the image of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They are three distinct persons, and are listed in a specific order (Father, Son and Spirit), yet they are each perfectly one God, and perfectly equal. Human beings, created in God’s image, are perfectly equal in our value, status and standing with one another. But if and when someone is regarded “more equal” or superior, or if some in the church have an unfair advantage over others, or are elevated in status over others, then inequality is ommunicated, and the potential for conflicts increases.

For instance, when you gossip or slander someone (point #1), you are basically implying that you are better than the person you gossiped about. If you say that someone is proud (point #2), you are implying that you are more humble, or not as proud. If you imply that you are the leader (point #4), you are suggesting that the one who is not the leader is lesser than you. Making decisions for others always communicates superiority on the part of the decision maker (points #6 and #7). Not being honest and open with others implies that you have the right to disclose to others what you want, and not share with them what (in your estimation) they do not need to know (point #14). Paternalism and patriarchy always brings advantage to the one who is senior (#15). When you say, “Just obey” (point #16), you are implying (a) that you have the superior position and right to tell others to obey, and (b) that you obeyed when you were supposed to and therefore are superior. If there is an exclusive group in the church (point #11), then there are those who are considered unworthy to be in that group, whose voices are less worthy of being heard.

These are all examples of how Trinitarian equality is violated. Wherever this type of inequality persists, it demonstrates lack of respect and lack of trust.

Now I will offer some practical suggestions for conflict resolution.

1. Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. Speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). Converse with grace, seasoned with salt (Col 4:6). The importance of dialogue cannot be overemphasized. God says to his rebellious people, “Come now, let us reason together” (Isa 1:18). Nothing can ever be resolved among men without honest, open, transparent dialogue, and then more dialogue. Dialogue is not the same thing as a meeting. A business meeting, prayer meeting, agenda-driven meeting, or Bible study meeting does not necessarily produce honest, open dialogue between the persons involved. So much misunderstanding and miscommunication could be resolved if we would just speak to one another saying prayerfully and humbly and freely whatever is on our heart and mind, whatever is troubling us. Like the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, human beings are relational persons. No person can relate to another person without honestly baring what is in his heart. (If you are married, try not speaking to your spouse and see what happens!)

2. The humble person should take the initiative. One cannot expect the proud person to humble himself first. God always takes the initiative in approaching sinners, even though He was never the one in the wrong. God’s initiative toward sinners infuses the whole Bible from Genesis to Revelation. God took the initiative to look for Adam who hiding in the garden (Gen 3:9). God took the initiative to go out to speak to the lost younger son (Luke 15:20) and to the lost older son (Luke 15:28). God takes the initiative because he is the one who is truly humble. In contrast, sinners are incorrigibly proud, even after many years of living as a Christian. Speaking for myself, I know how true this is. It is so hard for me to say to my dear lovely wife, “I’m sorry,” even when I know that I am clearly in the wrong. We “holy” Christians often wait for the other person, the one whom we consider to be worse than us, to grovel and humble themselves before us first. If God had done that, we would all be in hell.

3. Actively seek reconciliation. Even if we are actively praying and serving God in the church, resolving conflict must take precedence (Matt 5:24). I could reason that, because I’m so busy doing the very important work of God, I just can’t be bothered with some “minor” nagging interpersonal conflict, especially if it is “the other person’s fault.” Forgiveness and reconciliation lie at the heart of the gospel (Mark 11:25).

4. Address problems, sin and wrongdoing directly. Do not insinuate, gossip, beat around the bush, or attempt to communicate through a third party. If that doesn’t work, involve and include other mature Christians as needed (Matt 18:15-17). This takes tact, wisdom, maturity, prayer, compassion, courage and humility. Dealing with sin and wrongdoing in others requires great sensitivity (Gal 6:1). For example, when some Jews raised an outcry against their nobles and officials for charging exorbitant interest, Nehemiah listened to the facts patiently, pondered much in prayer, and then directly confronted the nobles and officials. After that, he also personally followed up with them to make sure they stopped charging interest (Neh 5:1-13).

5. Ponder the depths of God’s forgiveness. None of us can truly reconcile with another without personally knowing how much we have been forgiven by God, not just of the sins of the past, but of our grievous sins that are still ongoing (John 20:23).

6. Study and teach the Bible by focusing on indicatives, not imperatives. Indicatives are the gospel, the good news of what God has done (1 Cor 15:3,4). Imperatives are commands, such as “go and make disciples” (Matt 28:19), or “feed my sheep” (John 21:15-17). The focus and emphasis of the Bible are God and what God is doing (kerygma or proclamation), not what man or the church or what Christians must do (didache or teaching/instruction). Teaching and instruction burdens people with endless requirements, whereas proclamation brings them to Jesus who makes their yoke easy and light (Matt 11:28-30).

7. Emphasize truth before obedience. Truth sets us free (John 8:31-32). True obedience follows as a natural response to the love of God (John 14:15,21). When obedience is placed before truth, the result is law and righteousness by works rather than by faith,

8. Take responsibility for the one thing you did wrong, not the 99 things that the other person did wrong. In a conflict between God and man, God is always 100% right, and man is 100% wrong. However, in conflicts and disagreements between human beings, it is never the case that one person is 100% right, and the other person is 100% wrong. Even when the dispute is between a Christian and a non-Christian, the believer is never 100% right, not to mention conflicts between Christians.

9. View yourself critically, see others graciously. Personally, I have always found this very, very hard to do, especially when I am upset and angry. I’ll share two relevant quotes.

Humility is a spirit of self-examination. It’s a hermeneutic of suspicion toward yourself and charity toward people you disagree with (Richard Mouw, President, Fuller Theological Seminary).

Nothing that we despise in the other man is entirely absent from ourselves. We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, courtesy of John Y).

I will conclude with a brief anecdote. A few years ago, I passionately shared some biblical teaching to a group of young men and women in the church. After speaking, discussing and sharing for about an hour, a young man interrupted me, and asked me earnestly and rather urgently, “Dr. Ben, do you do everything you just taught us?” Though I was shocked by his genuine passionate question, the answer was so obviously easy that I immediately and spontaneously blurted out, “Absolutely not!”

I believe that my above suggestions and proposals for conflict resolution are sound and biblical. I have committed myself to personally practice them in my own life. But if I were asked, “Do you practice what you preach?”my answer would be the same: “Absolutely not!” This is not a copout. It’s absolutely true. That’s why Jesus is all I want, and Jesus is all I need every single moment. Surely there are more genuinely humble souls among you who are able to do these things far better than I.

Based on your own experience and observations and reflections, what practical suggestions and proposals do you have to resolve conflicts and divisions in the church, to promote healing and reconciliation?

1. He is a servant, not a boss (1 Cor 4:1; Mark 10:45).
2. He is to proclaim the secret things of God (1 Cor 4:1), which is the gospel. Any direction and influence that he has must be effected through the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ, not by the exercise of political authority over the church or lording over others as non-Christian leaders do (Mark 10:42).

In the late 19th century, Charles Spurgeon identified these problems as being oppressive and detrimental to the church in England. In the 20th century, John Stott made similar observations in the church through out the world. Yes, God still worked, and he may continue to work in the midst of such problems. But if so, it is because of God’s grace alone, and the continued presence of God’s work does not justify divisive behavior.

In this follow up article (Part II), I would like to describe how divisions typically start in the church. In the next installment (Part III), I will propose some practical solutions for conflict resolution following some biblical guidelines.

How do conflicts and divisions in the church begin?

Basically, it happens in the same way that conflicts among non-Christians arise outside the church. Here is a list of ways that conflicts start. This list is by no means comprehensive or exhaustive, and you may add to it based on your own observations or reflections.

1. Gossip and slander behind a person’s back, where the person gossipped about is absent, defenseless, judged, and disrespected. Speaking to the person directly is the most respectful, polite, noble and honorable thing to do. Gossip and slander is cowardly and despicable, and it is highly damaging and destructive to interpersonal relationships (Prov 11:13, 16:28, 18:8; 2 Cor 12:20; Eph 4:29; 2 Tim 2:16).

2. Labeling and caricaturing another person. Saying things such as: he’s proud; he’s lazy; he’s selfish; he’s immature; he’s childish; he’s self-centered; he’s stubborn; he never listens; he’s lustful; he’s spoilt; he’s divisive; he’s family centered; he’s a mental patient; and on and on. Statements like these are critical and judgmental. They hurt and wound people unnecessarily and are rarely justifiable, even if they contain an element of truth (Matt 7:1; Luke 6:37; Rom 2:1).

3. Making nationalistic or culturally insensitive statements. One that I have commonly heard in the United States is that Americans are “selfish” and “individualistic.” Remarks like these imply that non-Americans are less selfish and therefore better than Americans (cf. Rom 3:23).

4. Pulling rank. Saying to someone, “I’m the senior. I’m older. I’m the leader. I’m the director. Therefore I am your superior, and you must do as I say.” Of course, no one ever says this directly. But it is often said implicitly. Phrases in common use among us (e.g., “spiritual order”) communicate inequality, breed control and manipulation, and deny our God-given equality and Christian freedom (2 Cor 3:17; Gal 5:1). Although it may be said that everyone is equal, in practice some people are regarded as more equal than others.

5. Envisioning the church as a military operation. The church is not supposed to resemble the army or marines, and its members are not to be treated as cogs in a well-oiled machine. The church is a fellowship, united by bonds of friendship in the Lord (Ps 133:1). First and foremost, Christians are brothers, sisters, and family (Matt 12:50; Mark 3:35). Yes, the New Testament does occasionally use the metaphor of soldiers (2 Tim 2:3), but such language is rare. Any fair reading of the New Testament will show that the Apostles referred to their church members as brothers, sisters and friends, and the body is held together not by a military-style chain of command but by bonds of love. Christians are a “band of brothers,” not a “band of soldiers.”

6. Sending personal messages to another person through a third party. Whatever the reason may be for doing this (e.g., “I’m too busy”), it implies that the person being addressed is not worthy of being spoken to directly. It also subtly communicates that the message is non-negotiable and final, and that the recipient of the message has no choice or say in the matter, because the one communicating the message is not the orginator. This greatly increases the potential for misunderstanding and disgruntlement. Moreover, if the third party has some question or objection about the message he is supposed to communicate, he has been placed in a difficult and uncomfortable position. The recipient of the message then has many unresolved questions. Did the leader mean what he supposedly said? What was his intent in giving me such a message? Did the messenger nuance the orginal message based on his own interpretation and bias? A messenger may exaggerate or say something like this: “Ha, ha, your leader said that you have to do this! Ha, ha!” even though the leader may have never inteneded to say it in such a manner.

7. Making decisions about others without directly involving the persons affected. Countless times it has happened that decisions were made by someone “at the top,” and those being affected didn’t even hear about it until after the fact, and then only indirectly. This assumes that certain people at the top have the absolute right and authority over some other people below them.

8. Blowing up in anger, or losing one’s temper at another person. No one ever quite forgets when someone blows up, reacts angrily toward them, or abuses them either verbally or non-verbally (Eph 4:26).

9. Comparing church members to one another and creating an environment of competition. In a competitive environment, the winner who comes out on top is praised, regarded as superior, more fruitful, and harder working, and the loser is regarded as inferior, less fruitful and lazier.

10. Using the pulpit or podium to embarrass another person publicly by saying something that is negative, unflattering or critical. For example, “She loves her husband too much,” or “He watched a movie, instead of going fishing on campus.” Jesus never embarrassed or humiliated any of his disciples, not even Judas, either publicly or privately.

11. Creating an influential or exclusive group, an in-crowd, whose voices are heard loud and clear, while others are left out, ignored, unheard, or patronized. Exclusivity always excludes genuine friendship (John 15:15). In a previous post Are you a true friend?, I described how exclusivity hurts and destroys friendship. I understand that there must be leaders and elders in the church (1 Tim 3:1-13; Tit 1:5-9). But the members of the church must feel represented by leaders and the elders, not ruled over by them (Mark 10:42).

12. Creating categories of people and making distinctions among them, such as: clergy and laity; senior and junior; shepherds and sheep; missionary and native. Using terms like “exemplary,” “fruitful,” “sacrificial” to describe certain people, which therefore implies that there are those who are not mentioned are un-exemplary, un-fruitful and un-sacrificial.

13. Communicating favoritism, partiality, injustice, or hypocrisy (Exo 23:3; Lev 19:15; Acts 10:34; Rom 2:11; Eph 6:9; James 2:1,9). God is an impartial righteous judge who does not show favoritism. We are made in his image. No man likes to feel that he is treated with injustice or discriminated against arbitrarily.

14. Not being honest, open and transparent (like the Trinity) when interacting with another person. This will invariably cause misunderstanding and miscommunication by causing one party to feel as though the other party is withholding some vital information, or not telling the person the whole story. No one likes to be lied to. No one likes to feel as though someone is withholding some information from them and not telling them the whole truth.

15. Paternalism and patriarchy. This always favors the older, the senior, and the male, instead of the younger, the junior, and the female. This takes away from grace, which is always unmerited undeserved favor (Eph 2:8-9; Tit 3:5; 1 Cor 15:10), with grace being perhaps the most beautiful of doctrines in the Bible. Grace and favor has obviously absolutely nothing to do with whether or not one is older or senior or male. So, if we implicitly favor the older, the senior and the male, then the younger and the junior will always be regarded as wrong or inferior or “less worthy” in any area of disagreement or conflict. The merit of the issue itself, or the case in point will always be secondary, and relegated to the implicit practice of paternalism and patriarchy.

16. Saying, “Just obey,” to anyone, instead of practicing gentle patient persuasion. Even if the intention is to encourage faith, it nonetheless translates as “obey blindly,” or be regarded as no good. True obedience (or, for that matter, true repentance or true faith) is never ever entirely just an act of the human will. Jesus says that obedience or keeping his commands is the result of love (John 14:15,21), with love being the work or fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). So if anyone says, implies or communicates “just obey,” they make it seem as though obedience is entirely up to you, a mere frail, fallible, fallen human being, and they are implying or assuming that obedience is possible by human effort alone, without God’s help or intervention.

After quite plainly listing the points above, I understand that merely pointing out faults doesn’t help and will not resolve anything. It is because the law by itself is not transformative; the law only nitpicks and condemns the guilty. Law is useless unless it leads to grace (Gal 3:24). Some may regard this list as complaining and church-bashing. Describing these problems may not lead to edification and humble reflection (Rom 12:3; Phil 2:3). It may also infuriate those who feel that they are being unfairly picked on or singled out. But this is not my intention.

Rather, my hope and prayer by painstakingly listing the above is

1. to allow those who have been hurt or wounded by bad practices and blind spots in our church to be heard, and to have a voice and a say,
2. to promote openness, healing and reconciliation between offended parties, and
3. to humbly ponder, review, reassess and reflect upon our UBF practices and, as a 50-year old church, identify the specific areas where we need improvement (unless we think we have none).

In your own experience and observations, how have conflicts, broken relationships and divisions arisen in the church?

I open with these questions as I review King’s Cross (Feb 2011), which is Tim Keller’s new book. The book is adapted from sermons he preached from Mark’s Gospel. (Keller is the senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York.) I was quite impressed and moved by Keller’s presentation and emphasis in his study of Mark’s Gospel, especially in that what he taught as central was not what I had emphasized in my own Bible teaching of Mark’s Gospel. Very briefly, Keller’s emphasis of his Mark’s Gospel study is “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,” while my emphasis was “You better be like Jesus and SERVE and GIVE YOUR LIFE, you lazy selfish sinner!” Of course, I never said that, but that was my point. Let me explain.

King’s Cross is neatly organized into two parts, corresponding to Mark’s two symmetrical halves or acts:

1. The King (Mark chap 1-8): The identity of Jesus (King over all things)
2. The Cross (Mark chap 9-16): The purpose of Jesus (dying on the cross)

Hence the catchy title from its two parts (“The King” and “The Cross”), each part consisting of 9 chapters, with each chapter focusing on a particular theme by exploring a selective key part of the story told in Mark’s Gospel, explaining the background, illustrating the main point, and applying it for readers. So the book retains the essential elements of good preaching. (But a handful of well-known passages aren’t addressed in detail in the book.) I will not review each chapter of the book, but only selectively address a few points:

The Dance of the Trinity (Mark 1:9-11)

Chap 1, The Dance, identifies the Trinity during the baptism of Jesus: the Father, who is the voice; the Son, who is the Word; and the Spirit, who is the dove (Mark 1:10,11). Keller makes an analogy to the Trinity being present at creation (Gen 1:1-3; John 1:1-3). He ties the story of redemption through Christ with the story of creation in the beginning to show God’s overarching orchestration of God’s plan and purpose in the Bible, as being both a project of the triune God.

Keller titles this chapter The Dance, which is the description of the Trinity used by C.S. Lewis who wrote in Mere Christianity: “In Christianity God is not a static thing…but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama…a kind of dance.” It is a continual never ending dance of perfect love, submission, deference, humility and service toward the other Persons of the Trinity. Being made in the image of the Trinity, we were created to “dance” around God/others. But our sin causes us to expect others to dance around us, thus breaking relationships. Even among holy Christians in the church (1 Cor 1:2), a leader may expect his members to dance around his directives, while the members may expect the leader to dance around their needs and expectations. Keller’s point is this: “If this world was made by a triune God, relationships of love are what life is really all about.”

Food for thought: Do we preach and teach the Bible by focusing on relationships, or on making sure that I and others carry out our “mission”? Do I “dance” around others in love, or do I expect others to dance to my tune and expectations?

The Gospel (Mark 1:14-15)

In Mark’s Gospel, Jesus’ opening words of declaration to the world concerns “the gospel” (ESV) or “the good news” (NIV) (Mark 1:15). Keller’s repeated emphasis in his previous books, Counterfeit Gods and The Prodigal God, including King’s Cross, is this: “The essence of other religions is advice; Christianity is essentially news.” Do we primarily see the Bible as what God has done for me in Christ (1 Cor 15:3,4) and communicate it to others as such (good news), or do I present the Bible as what I must do and how I should live and what I must believe (advice for right living)?

I acknowledge that it’s not easy, in fact it’s downright difficult, to teach the Bible simply as “good news.” Why? I think it is because when you ask, “What I must do?” in response to the gospel, the answer is basically, “Nothing! Absolutely nothing!” But we’re afraid to say, “Nothing,” thinking that we will be teaching “cheap grace.” But isn’t it true that I can really do nothing for God, for Jesus, and for the Holy Spirit? Yes, God loves me for sure, and yes, he does have stuff for me to do. But God doesn’t really need me to complete Himself (or His mission), as the cute romantic movie line goes, “You complete me.” So, if I succeed in teaching the Bible as good news, not good advice, and my “sheep” realizes by the work of the Holy Spirit that they don’t have to do anything at all, then I have succeeded in proclaiming the gospel as good news. If not, I would have taught them to save themselves through religion by doing good works as their righteousness before God and people. But when one truly realizes that they don’t have to do anything (because Jesus has already done it through the Cross), it is only then that they will WANT to do all things with all their heart (Deut 6:5), for the glory of God (1 Cor 10:31). In the gospel of grace, there is no “I have to,” but “I want to.”

The Call (Mark 1:16-20)

In Jesus’ time, students sought out rabbis whom they wanted to learn from. But Jesus sought out and took the initiative to call his disciples. When teaching Jesus’ calling of his disciples (Mark 1:16-20), I usually press others in some way to respond to God’s calling. But the truth of the matter is that no one can really respond to God’s call unless God himself calls that person (John 6:44, 65). My application is that I should teach the Bible not by pressing others for a response (or for repentance or obedience), but to depend on the Holy Spirit to work in that person’s heart (John 16:8). Then their decision to follow Jesus is not because of my human pressure and “push,” but because of God working in their hearts through his word, and by his Spirit. Then they will understand that God’s call is not primarily up to their response or repentance or obedience, but that it is nothing but sheer grace that God called them.

Authority (Mark 1:21-22)

Perhaps, we throw around phases like “spiritual authority,” as though the one who has it has some kind of advantage, or superiority, or an elevated elite status over others. I never thought of this before, but “authority” comes from the word “author,” where the authority does not come from the man, but from the Source. Thus, Jesus taught with original rather than derived authority.

Therefore, my authority as a Christian should not draw attention to myself as having authority that others in the church should acknowledge or submit to. This causes an unhealthy fear of man (Prov 29:25), rather than a healthy fear of God (Prov 1:7; 9:10). Also, if I do come across as the “head honcho” (God forbid!), it functionally becomes as though a man is the head of the church, and obscures the truth that Jesus is the Head of the church (Col 1:18; Eph 1:22). But my sin is to always default to myself and to expect others to submit to my “spiritual authority” in the church, thus clouding God’s glory. Ultimately, only the Holy Spirit can glorify God and enable man to glorify God (John 17:2).

The Ransom (Mark 10:45)

Whenever I taught Mark 10:45, my emphasis was on Jesus who came to serve, and on Jesus who gave his life. Therefore, you and I, if we are Christians, must likewise serve and give our lives, just as Jesus did. But Keller spent 15 pages of this chapter focusing almost entirely on Jesus as the ransom, the substitutionary sacrifice, the debt that had to be paid, either by us sinners, or by God himself. (David Lovi has written on this in 2 parts: The Necessity of Penal Substitution.)

Practically and functionally, we humans think that the route to gaining influence is to have power and control. We hold the power and control whenever we try to ensure that others work hard, serve, live for their mission, and give their lives for the church and for world mission. It then becomes as though our own power and control is the determining factor that makes the church prosper and grow. But keeping the power and controls is really self-centered leadership, and not trinitarian. Moreover, holding and communicating such power and control really doesn’t change sinner’s hearts. Only Jesus who died as a ransom changes hearts. When Jesus died on the cross, he gave up all power and control; he became the symbol of utter weakness, helplessness and vulnerability. But in this way, and only in this way, are we empowered (Rom 1:16), and our hearts transformed by the Spirit (2 Cor 3:18) with gratitude, love, joy and peace (Gal 5:22,23).

Keller closed King’s Cross with these words: “God made you to love him supremely, but he lost you. He returned to get you back, but it took the cross to do it. He absorbed your darkness so that one day you can finally and dazzlingly become your true self and take your seat at his eternal feast.”

By all means, read the book. If not, check out my summary of each chapter:

Chap 1: The Dance (Trinity) (Mark 1:9-11): Do you expect others to dance around you?
Chap 2: The Gospel, The Call (Mark 1:14-20): Is your gospel good news or good advice?
Chap 3: The Healing (Mark 2:1-5): Are your sins against God or people (Ps 51:4)?
Chap 4: The Rest (Mark 2:23-3:6): Are you desperately seeking significance?
Chap 5: The Power (Mark 4:35-41): Do you enjoy goodness and calm in a storm?
Chap 6: The Waiting (Mark 5:21-43): Do you have peace when God delays?
Chap 7: The Stain (Mark 7:1-23): Do you feel unclean, insignificant?
Chap 8: The Approach (Mark 7:24-37): Do you know you’re a dog, yet loved?
Chap 9: The Turn (Mark 8:27-9:1): Why is forgiveness so hard?
Chap 10: The Mountain (Mark 9:2-29): What if you are filled with doubt?
Chap 11: The Trap (Mark 10:17-27): Is money just money to you?
Chap 12: The Ransom (Mark 10:45): Is Jesus all you want and need?
Chap 13: The Temple (Mark 11:1-18): Are you both a lion and a lamb?
Chap 14: The Feast (Mark 14:12-26): Are you washed in the blood of the Lamb?

Keller might be a contemporary champion of the church in regards to presuppositional apologetics (especially Reason For God), which perhaps we might be weak at as a church. King’s Cross is similarly presented presuppositionally and rationally and persuasively (while assuming nothing or very little). It has countless gems in every chapter, which I have not addressed. I’ve only quite randomly and selectively high lighted a very few points.

Perhaps, through reading this post, might you consider reassessing or tweaking how you have personally understood Mark’s Gospel and taught Mark’s Gospel to others?

Reading makes a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man.

Bacon adds that if a man writes little, he needs to be really smart, and if he reads little, he will need to “have much cunning to seem to know (that) which he does not.”

Does “knowledge puffs up” mean that we should not increase in knowledge?

Paul says, “Knowledge puffs up while love builds up” (1 Cor 8:1). As a result, some Christians think that we should focus on love rather than on knowledge. But in context, this verse does not mean, suggest, or imply that a Christian should not increase in knowledge. This verse should definitely not become an excuse for not increasing in knowledge. Knowledge is needed if we are to be good stewards of God’s world. On the contrary, increasing in knowledge should deeply humble us to realize at least these three things:

1. how little we know,
2. how limited we are, and
3. how much we need to dependon God.

Does increasing in knowledge help us to be better Bible teachers?

I thought I knew certain parts of the Bible quite well. Especially Genesis, because I have taught Genesis to hundreds of times since 1981. But as I began to read books by godly Christian scholars and pastors over the last few years, I have become “trembling and scared” to teach Genesis, realizing how limited and perhaps rudimentary or inadequate my limited knowledge is. If you care to be confused and confounded, see part 1 and part 2 of Henoch’s series “The Difficulty of Genesis 1.”

Recently I wrote about the account of Abraham offering Isaac to God (Gen 22:1-19). When I had taught this, I had always emphasized the need for a Christian to offer his Isaac (his heart’s desire) to God, just as Abraham did. But is this passage really about us and what we are supposed to do? Or does it point to Jesus, as Jesus himself said it should? (John 5:39; Luke 24:27,44) Who is the primary subject of this passage, us or God? Does our way of understanding and teaching this passage make it seem that salvation is our work (I should offer my Isaac) rather than to God’s saving grace to me? Aren’t there other ways to teach Genesis 22 that perhaps point to Jesus rather than to Abraham? See if you might consider teaching it this way.

Reading, Discussing, Writing

Now let’s get back to the quote by Francis Bacon:

1. Reading makes a full man.
2. Conference makes a ready man.
3. Writing makes an exact man.

READING

Sadly, many today, including Christians, spend countless and excessive hours reading comics, gossip magazines, sports, entertainment and celebrity news, romance novels, fiction, etc. Also, common daily activities are watching TV and movies, playing video games, cruising the internet, using social media, etc. What then happens to our minds? Paul said, “For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace” (Rom 8:6). Here “the flesh” is our fallen sinful human nature, or our natural selves. When our mind is set on ourselves, we easily become angry, upset, worried, fearful, anxious, bitter, resentful, jealous, envious, etc.

When we read and watch things that do not edify our minds, we likely will think and feel and talk no differently than non-Christians. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We are what we think about all day long.”

The psalmist knew the crucial importance of what occupies our thoughts. He spoke of the righteous person “whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night” (Ps 1:2). We need to read the Bible daily, and think about it through out the day. We also need to read books. The apostle Paul wrote a quarter of the New Testament. But when he was imprisoned and about to be executed, he asked Timothy to bring “my scrolls, especially the parchments” (2 Tim 4:13), which were his books.

My final quote is from a former seminary professor at Trinity: “You are not what you think you are, but what you think, you are.”

The more we read useful material, the more we are able to think upon God, which enables us to be full, not empty.

CONFERENCE (DISCUSSION)

To refine what we read and think about, we need to conference. This is to discuss freely with others in order to be challenged, so that our own thoughts and ideas may be clarified and solidified. The more we discuss and sharpen one another, the more God enables us to be ready to seize opportunities when they arise. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” The sheer brilliance of CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien came not just from their extensive reading, but also from their frequent weekly discussions to push each other to a degree of excellence that was out of this world.

If we want to preach the gospel well, we must always be ready. We should always be “prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect” (1 Pet 3:15).

But if we do not make reading and frequent challenging discussions a part of our lives, our “readiness” would likely be inadequate or suboptimal, reductionistic or just too pushy.

WRITING

No one can write anything meaningful or beautiful if their thoughts are not clear and precise. Writing makes a man exact.

As a practical application, I suggest that you read, read, read (not comics) and love the Lord your God “with all your mind” (Matt 22:37, Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27).

Is reading a regular part of your Christian life? Are your thoughts and ideas being challenged regularly? Are you precise and exact in what you write?

In an excellent little book titled Dare to Be True, Mark D. Roberts makes a convincing case that most people are not very honest in their thoughts, words, or actions. It is extremely difficult to be truthful in today’s world. Most of us routinely give in to the temptation to exaggerate, spin, obscure, or misrepresent. By this dishonesty we injure ourselves, damage our relationships with people around us, and keep a safe distance from God.

Research by psychologist Robert Feldman at the University of Massachusetts has shown that lying is surprisingly frequent. By videotaping ordinary conversations between people and playing them back, study participants were surprised at how often they said things that weren’t true. “We didn’t expect lying to be such a common part of daily life,” Feldman confessed.

If we begin to pay close attention to what we say, we may discover that our interactions with one another are filled with misrepresentation and deception. According to Roberts, of the most common lies that church members say to one another is, “I’ve been praying for you.” We lie to make others feel good. We lie to build ourselves up in their eyes, exaggerating our successes and minimizing our problems. We also hide the truth by what we do not say. When conflict arises, many of us keep quiet and fail to speak what is really on our minds. We become like false prophets who dress people’s wounds as if they are not serious, crying “Peace, peace” when there is no peace (Jer 6:14, 8:11)

People tell lies to cover up their shortcomings and to hide their true thoughts and feelings. When we arrive late to a meeting, we say, “The traffic was really bad today,” when the truth is that the traffic was no worse than usual. We say, “This food is delicious,” when it actually tastes bad. We say, “No problem, it’s okay” when we are actually angry or upset.

Many lies are told for self-protection and self-promotion. We don’t want to hurt other people or make them uncomfortable. We want to save face, maintain honor, avoid exposing weakness in order to “set a good example” or to “have a good influence.” In many cases, we have convinced ourselves that lies are acceptable because they are small and well intentioned. We believe that the ends justify the means.

But what does the Bible say? Our Heavenly Father is true; the Son is the embodiement of Truth; and the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth (Jn 3:33, 14:6, 16:13). True worshipers of God are those who worship him in spirit and in truth (Jn 4:23). Jesus Christ, as depicted in the four gospels, was maddeningly honest; he always spoke the truth regardless of the cost. The Apostle Paul sought to always conduct himself with integrity and sincerity (2Co 1:12). Plain reading of Scripture leads us to the inescapable conclusion that what God desires for us is a life of complete honesty. (Roberts does concede that there may be situations of extreme danger where lying is necessary to preserve life. One example of this is found in Joshua chapter 2, where Rahab the prostitute hid Israelite spies on her roof and told the king of Jericho that the two men had left. But those situations are so rare that most Christians will never actually encounter them in their own experience.)

Dishonesty wreaks havoc in our relationships with one another. Once we detect that a person has not been forthcoming, it becomes difficult to believe anything he says. A culture of dishonesty makes us look at others with suspicion, searching for hidden meanings and motivations behind what they say and do, leading us to misunderstand and judge one another based on false impressions and incorrect assumptions.

How many of us have been hurt when we discover that someone has been talking about us to other people, saying things that he would never say to us directly? When he speaks to us, he smiles and acts as though nothing is wrong. Later we hear through the grapevine that he was upset and angry with us. This kind of deception undermines trust and destroys fellowship. When people no longer speak to one another directly and honestly, communication doesn’t cease; it goes underground, proceeding in unhealthy ways through murky back-channels of rumor and gossip.

As dishonesty accumulates in our lives, it becomes harder and harder to know what is true. As we continue to hide our true thoughts, feelings and actions, we tend to become disconnected from ourselves and from reality. This leads to problem minimization, denial, depression, and all kinds of unhealthy and destructive behaviors.

During the late 1990’s, Americans endured the spectacle of a President looking directly into a television camera, pounding his finger on a podium, and brazenly lying about his relationship with a young intern. Later, when the truth could no longer be hidden, the same President spoke to the nation to admit what he had done. One of the most tragic aspects of in this story is that the man appeared more confident and comfortable when he was lying than when he was telling the truth. He lied so effortlessly that it seemed that he actually believed his own falsehoods. It is easy to point a finger at President Clinton and judge him negatively. But what about us? How many of us are willing to be forthcoming and speak frankly about our worst sins and failures?

Telling the truth may cause some hurt. But being honest does not mean that we hurt people unnecessarily, trampling on their feelings by speaking to them without sensitivity and discretion. Truth must always be combined with grace and love. And all the Biblical injunctions against gossip still stand. Gossiping about others, even when the information being spread is true, is abhorrent (Ro 1:29).

As we become aware of how deceitful we really are, the decision to start living in honesty can be awkward, difficult and painful. But the rewards are immense. Dare To Be True is filled with inspiring anecdotes of how honesty, especially about one’s weaknesses and failures, produces abundant good fruit. It opens the door to forgiveness, reconciliation, and friendship. It allows us to experience true gospel love.

The truth will set you free (Jn 8:32).

I used to think a testimony was what it says it is: to testify about the work of God in my life. That made a testimony a pretty stressful thing. On a weekly basis, I tried to find what God was saying in a passage, apply it to my life, make a decision based on application and then, because it’s a “testimony,” testify to the fruit of that application. Doing that every week, I found, was stressful, counterproductive and just impossible.

A pastor in our ministry recently told me “I’m lucky if I can testify to two or three things God has done in my life in a year.” A testimony may be something we can write and share on occasion, but it’s simply impossible to do it every week.

So maybe “testimony” in our ministry is a misnomer. Maybe what we’re writing on a week-by-week basis is more of a reflection. A reflection not like a personal ranting or journaling. A reflection like a mirror.

I tend to avoid mirrors, especially full body mirrors or well-lit vanities. I don’t like to see what I truly look like — every hair and mole and crooked tooth and excessive flab. I don’t like mirrors because they force me to be honest.

If God’s word is meant to show us who we are and who he is, then maybe we can think of Bible study as looking into a mirror and our personal writing about it as a reflection. We definitely look at the Bible, the mirror, carefully. We study it inductively and metaphorically, looking for what God is saying. In that process of looking we begin to see God, we begin to see ourselves, our reflections, who God wants us to be.

It may have relieved some misconceived self-expectations, but using the word “reflection” doesn’t change the fact that writing about who God is and who I am is a struggle. A rose is still a rose.

If I’ve learned anything about writing, it’s that it’s not about grammar or correctness or sounding good. Successful writing is honest. And I’ve learned the same goes for writing a reflection. Writing about who God is and struggling to hear what he’s saying to me weekly is painful, but it’s proven necessary. I lie to myself too often, tend to even ignore God’s presence, ignore what’s in my heart, and could go on for a while not thinking anything is wrong. It’s as they say, “the truth hurts.”

But maybe, by struggling with what God is saying, struggling with the truth of who I am, I can begin to see, when turning to look at my reflection, more of God and less of me.

Now I don’t want to be a party pooper. But in case you haven’t noticed, I believe that how we talk about ourselves is significant and worthy of examination. People really do notice our terminology and wonder what it means. So I would like to raise a question. Is it okay to equate a house church with a family?

There are certainly some positive aspects to this. It promotes the idea that mission is a crucial element of marriage, which is one of the core aspects of our marriage theology. It helps us to see the home as a place where Jesus Christ is honored and where his gospel is preached. When Jesus lies at center of a family, the distinction between what happens at church and what happens at home – the barriers between a family’s religious life and private life which promote hypocrisy – begin to dissolve.

On the other hand, there are three difficulties that I see with this language.

First, it waters down the historical and theological meaning of church. What exactly is a church? That is a tough question. Different traditions will answer it differently. One reasonable definition appears in the Belgic Confession, one of the core documents of Protestantism from the 16^th century. The Belgic Confession asserts that a true Christian church will possess three marks: faithful preaching of the Word, faithful ministration of the Sacraments, and discipline. (The Sacraments include baptism and the Lord’s Supper, and discipline refers to formal lines of authority to uphold true doctrine and to correct false teachings and practices.) These three marks represent the bare minimum of what a Christian community ought to provide to support the spiritual health of its members.

By this definition, the vast majority of UBF families do not qualify as churches. Many of us do bring our ministry into our homes. Welcoming disciples into your family life is great. Having Bible studies in your home is wonderful. Family devotions and prayer in the home are awesome. But Bible studies and family devotions does not make your house into a church. A church, in the standard historical understanding, is an established fellowship of believers, a faith community that can serve as a lifelong spiritual home for the people who belong to it. It may be possible for one family to fulfill the necessary functions for a church, but it is certainly not easy, and it is certainly not normative.

The second difficulty that I see with this language is that it places on young families an expectation which may be unstated but is nonetheless very strongly felt. The expectation is that if a family for whatever reason moves to a city or town where no UBF ministry currently exists, the family is expected to establish its own UBF chapter and operate independently of other non-UBF churches in the community. At a bare minimum, the family is supposed to evangelize and disciple students and hold its own Sunday worship service. The husband is expected to write and deliver an expositional Bible message every week, and the wife is expected to participate by inviting students and helping to create the environment for this fledgling ministry. And this is supposed to take place while one or both are supporting themselves financially by working full time, often in highly demanding professional careers, and while taking care of children.

In broader Christian circles, an operation like this is called a church plant. Church planting is a highly regarded strategy for carrying out the Great Commission. But everyone knows that it is not easy. The majority (by some estimates, 80-85%) of church plants ultimately fail. Organizations that have been most successful at planting churches do not do so haphazardly. Rarely do they allow single families to try it; usually a core group of 3-6 families is involved. Successful church planters are subject to rigorous examinations and training, not just in Scriptures but in theology and practical aspects of pastoring. And most church-planters receive financial support from their parent organization. In contrast, many single-family UBF chapters in North America have been established by happenstance; chapter directors are rarely ordained, and training they receive has not been standardized.

I am not suggesting here that our method of church-planting is inferior. But it is certainly unusual, at least by comparison to what others are doing. My point is that establishing a single-family church is extraordinarily difficult. I have the greatest respect for those who are doing it, and I deeply understand from personal experience that this is not something that should be attempted by a husband and wife without extensive spiritual preparedness. It is an extraordinary calling not suitable for every couple.

The third difficulty I have with the family-equals-house-church lingo is that it may unnecessarily and unwisely diminish the non-ministerial aspects of family life. Every married couple needs time apart from church duties to be husband and wife. They need to stay emotionally healthy and maintain good relationships with one another and with their children regardless of what is happening in the ministry. An active focus on evangelism and discipleship is not a cure for marital and family problems but often compounds them.

Beautiful things happen when family life and church life intersect. But family and church are not the same; the Bible doesn’t use the terms interchangeably, and neither should we.

But that’s my opinion. What do you think? Is it a good idea to routinely refer to married couples as house churches? Or should we be careful to differentiate the two? Does it even matter, or is it a non-issue?

Some UBFisms reflect our ministry’s Korean origins. Think about how we attach titles (Missionary, Shepherd, Doctor, …) to peoples’ names. This was an attempt by Korean missionaries to implement in the English language the polite honorifics of spoken Korean that acknowledge differences in seniority between a speaker and listener. Many North Americans in UBF have grown accustomed to this, but to newcomers it can be disconcerting. In Korea it may be helpful to refer to a newcomer as a sheep. A sheep is someone to be treasured, treated with deference and love. For students in Korea who value group loyalty and sense of belonging, being called a sheep could make them feel special. But for students in America steeped in free expression and individuality, being called a sheep can be humiliating.

Other UBFisms function as theological terms: “manger ministry,” “common life,” “life-giving spirit.” You are unlikely to find these terms in any theology text. But they are real theological terms, because they represent significant spiritual ideals that we try to implement. I’m sure that we can find better names for them. American evangelicals are always coming up with cool names like “seeker-friendly,” “incarnational ministry,” and so on. By comparison, some of our UBF terms sound lame, but I don’t think the ideas behind them are lame. In fact, I think we ought to take these terms more seriously. If we believe in something and practice it, we should know what it means and be able to explain it. Lack of explanation can give the wrong impression and mislead our own members and people who don’t know us well. If we don’t clearly define our terms, then other people may define them for us in a way that distorts what we actually believe and do.

The quintessential example of this is “marriage by faith.” The term expresses our belief that marriage is ordained by God and that Christians should earnestly seek God’s will in deciding whom to marry and when. It also expresses our belief that marriage is not purely a personal matter, and it is good and proper for godly parents, pastors and spiritual elders to take a prayerful and proactive role in counseling young people throughout the courtship and marriage process. When UBF leaders neglected to define this term, critics seized upon it and mischaracterized it, claiming that we force people to marry whomever we want. “Marriage by faith” is a wonderful ideal to which we ascribe, even though in practice we fall short of the ideal. When discussing “marriage by faith,” we needn’t fall into the trap of trying to defend everything that everyone in UBF has ever done. Helping real individuals and couples with tough decisions is a messy business, and plenty of mistakes have been made all around. But we should be ready to define the ideal and discuss it intelligently, because this ideal is biblically sound and defensible, and because on this specific topic we have much to teach and much to learn.

UBFisms also crop up when messages and reports are translated from Korean into English. Following the 2008 Purdue conference, our UBF headquarters website posted an article from a Korean publication containing an interview of Dr. John Jun. Here’s one sentence from that interview:

We focus on digging out the words of God, making new living water rather than having a new technique so that we can receive God’s grace and feed sheep.

I have no idea how this sounds in Korean, and I certainly don’t want to pick on my good friend Dr. John Jun. But the direct translation into English has so much jargon and mixed metaphors that an uninitiated reader is left scratching his head and wondering, “What the heck does that mean?”

There are some UBFisms that I’d really like to abolish. How about this one: “marriage problem.” This expression is usually applied to an unmarried person, as in “She has a marriage problem.” Translation: She wants to get married but has no prospects that are currently viable. Tossing around terms like this can be a cheap substitute for really empathizing with people and trying to understand what they are going through.

Many UBFisms are local Scripture-based idioms that have gone stale. Here’s an example. A few years ago, I delivered a Sunday message on John chapter 9, in which Jesus heals the man who was born blind. In one part of the message, which was subtitled, “Jesus makes mud,” I discussed how Jesus spit on the ground, made mud with his saliva, put it on the man’s eyes and told him to wash. This was an example of how Jesus carried out his ministry by creatively using the resources that God gave him. I encouraged our members to look around, find the resources that they have, and apply them to God’s work in new and creative ways. The punch-line was, “Let’s make some mud!” That week, as our members shared written testimonies about this passage, they used the term “mud-making ministry” and described how we could put this idea into practice. Because of our shared experience, the term held a rich meaning for us at that time. Using an idiom derived from our Bible study is appropriate in these small group settings. But as days and weeks pass, the meaning of the idiom starts to wear thin. Outside of our immediate circle, how could anyone know what a “mud-making ministry” is? Clinging to stale idioms may eventually become a symptom of laziness and superficiality in our study of Scripture when we encounter the same passage again in the future. Here is a principle that I have found helpful: When you approach a passage from the Bible that you have studied before, throw away the cute expressions and sayings that you have used or heard in the past, and ask the Holy Spirit to give you fresh new insight.

Finally, there are some UBFisms which at the surface seem grammatically correct and normal, but on a deeper level reveal a carelessness that can be disconcerting. One example is, “From God’s point of view…” This came up recently when someone drafted a report on UBF missions in Latin America. The report included a few lines about the history of Spanish conquest, when Roman Catholicism was spread to the region by forced conversion and sword. This is indeed a dark spot in the history of the Church. The pivoting sentence in the report was, “But from God’s point of view, this happened so that…” It was just an innocent attempt to express how God may have been working through an apparently bad situation to further his redemptive work, and to explain that despite this dark history God has still prepared the region as a mission field ripe for the gospel. But if you stop and think about this expression for just a moment, it reveals a disturbing degree of hubris.How can we claim to see from God’s point of view? How can anyone, on this side of eternity, declare that that he truly knows what God was doing? Perhaps it’s unfair to call this a UBFism, because everyone at times is guilty of sloppy and uncritical thinking. But if expressions like this appear too often in our discussions and writings, it reflects poorly on us.

Should we be trying to purge UBFisms from our writing and speech? For the most part, I would say, “Yes.” As I write and speak, I consciously try to get rid of UBFisms for the following reasons.

1. UBFisms can be irritating to our young people. When they hear us say these things, they roll their eyes and think, “Omigod, I can’t believe he said that.” They want to identify with our ministry, but they also don’t want to be feel stigmatized by going to a church where people talk strangely.
2. UBFisms do violence to the English language and reflect a poor and lazy style of communication. By and large, we are a ministry of college educated and highly credentialed people. We take pride in the quality of our Bible study preparation, our musical and dramatic performances, and so on. So why should we tolerate and promote substandard English? Why would we place material laced with undefined terms, stale idioms, etc. on our websites, which are the highly visible public face of our ministry?
3. UBFisms make it difficult for us to connect to other parts of the Body of Christ. When other Christians come to our meetings or browse through our material, they have trouble understanding who we are and what we actually do.
4. UBFisms run counter to our missionary calling. A missionary who goes to a foreign land cannot expect the natives to learn his language; he should adapt to their language and find a way to communicate the gospel in their culture. Similarly, we who are longtime members of UBF should learn how to clearly express our faith to those who don’t speak UBF.

Please don’t misunderstand. I do not want to stigmatize our missionaries who are struggling with the English language. My comments here are aimed primarily at native English speakers in North American UBF chapters. I believe that we have a duty to help our brothers and sisters from Korea to assimilate and become more effective witnesses for Jesus. We ought to make it easier for them to write and speak standard English, not hinder them by perpetuating a peculiar dialect.

Perhaps those of us who have been in UBF for a long time are no longer aware of how our language sounds to those on the outside. Could this be a symptom of a deeper problem? In Inside the Mind of Unchurched Harry and Mary (Zondervan, 1993, p.15), Lee Strobel wrote:

You may have found that since you’ve become a Christian, your unbelieving friends have drifted away as you’ve become increasingly involved in the social network of the church. It has been said that within two years of becoming a Christian, the average person has already lost the significant relationships he once had with people outside the faith. Without frequent heart-to-heart conversations with unchurched people, it’s easy to forget how they think.

Excessive use of our own local jargon could be a sign that we are losing touch with the very people we are supposedly trying to reach.

Here are some oft-quoted Bible verses about communication.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing (Proverbs 12:18).

He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame (Proverbs 18:13).

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks (Luke 6:45).

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires (James 1:19-20).

It is easy to wreak havoc by speaking carelessly and thoughtlessly. But the tendency to be forever silent – failing to express oneself in appropriate ways at appropriate times – can be just as dangerous.

Consider the history of Korean Air. Between 1970 and 1999, KAL lost 16 aircraft due to accidents, resulting in the deaths of 700 passengers and crew members. The last fatal accident occurred in 1997, when KAL flight 801 crashed into a hillside in Guam, killing 228 persons.

In the recent book Outliers: The Story of Success (2008), journalist Malcolm Gladwell devotes a chapter to the story of this airline’s safety record and the tragic demise of KAL801. The quality of the airline’s equipment and the training of its staff were among the best in the world. The accident was caused by poor communication in the cockpit. The captain was held in such high esteem that the other crew members were reluctant to say anything when they noticed him making errors. When they finally did speak up, the language that they used was so indirect that the captain had no idea what they actually meant.

As KAL801 approached Guam in the middle of the night, the first officer turned to the captain and said, “Don’t you think that it rains more in this area here?” What he meant was something like this: We are headed for a mountain range in pitch-black skies and pouring rain, and you are relying on a visual approach with no backup plan! But what he actually said sounded like small-talk about weather.

A few minutes later, the flight engineer said, “Captain, the weather radar has helped us a lot.” What he meant was: There’s trouble ahead! This isn’t a night when you can rely on your eyes to land the plane! But what came out of his mouth was a platitude about the generic benefits of technology.

After the tragic loss of KAL801, the airline came under intense pressure from international authorities and began an extensive review of its operating procedures. Flight crews were retrained to enable members to communicate more openly across boundaries of age, rank and gender. Within a decade, Korean Air’s safety record dramatically improved, and its standing among international carriers was restored.

For nearly three decades, I have interacted closely with members and leaders of UBF. In general, I have found that we are quite good at restraining our speech to avoid controversy and division. We are well aware of Paul’s injunction in Philippians 2:14: “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” And 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” But on balance, we often neglect to mention that Jesus was plain-spoken; he taught his disciples to say what they mean and to mean what they say: “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your “No’ be ‘No'” (Mt 5:37). Indeed, the style of speech that some have upheld as the epitome of the Christian character seems more like the KAL801 cockpit than the lively and frank conversations that Jesus shared with his apostles.

Before launching this website, I discussed the idea with many UBF friends. The vast majority were very supportive. Some expressed reservations, warning me that it could degenerate into a forum for complaining and arguing. (Although that is certainly possible, we have enacted policies to guard against that.) And a few people suggested that if people want to talk freely among themselves, it would be better to do it privately in person or by telephone. Internet blogging is a different mode of communication – not inherently better or worse than private conversation, but different. The great advantage of blogging is that an unlimited number of people can join in the conversation wherever they are, whenever they choose. But you cannot hear a person’s tone of voice or see their facial expressions or body language. You cannot tell if someone is keeping silent to indicate displeasure. To communicate effectively on a website, we must write clearly and weigh our words cautiously, to say what we mean and mean what we say. To avoid misunderstandings, we must read what others have written very carefully and take them at their word rather than ascribing hidden motives.

UBF is a multigenerational and multicultural. Whenever people of different ages, backgrounds and personality types get together to discuss things that truly matter, there are bound to be misunderstandings. But I believe that if our relationships are mediated by Jesus Christ in the presence of the Holy Spirit, we can learn to understand one another and respect one another even if we do not always agree. We can achieve real Christian unity in the midst of diversity.

We dedicate this website with Psalm 19:4: May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.