Is sorry puppy always supposed to be sorry?

This blog post discusses the phenomena of feeling the need to constantly apologize for one’s existence. It’s when “repentance” goes overboard.

Scenario I:”You always say, ‘I’m sorry.'”

I had only been talking to him for a couple hours and he was already psychoanalyzing me. Despite the brevity of exposure, his insight into my character was uncanny. After he made that statement I tried semi-successfully weeding out those two words from my vocabulary. Since then I have continued to make an effort to stop apologizing incessantly.

Scenario II:”If you care about what people think about you stand on the right side of the room.”

And there I was, the lone participant in the survey on the right side of the room. The next question was something along the lines of “would you do something that needed to be done, even if others didn’t like you for it?” And again I shared my overwhelming desire to be liked and accepted. When the surveyor asked me why I was on the right side I answered, ‘Maybe it’s because I’m Asian and this is the way I was brought up.’ What I meant was I was always taught to obey and concede, even when I didn’t like it. Speaking up for myself was disobedience and disobedience was a sin punishable by Hell. Therefore, I must always obey. I interpreted that in my mind as I must always do what others want. I backed it up with Bible verses such as, “deny yourself,” “take up your cross,” “consider others better than yourself,” “to give is better than to receive,” etc. Somehow in my faulty exegesis I considered offending others as one of the ultimate sins.

Scenario II: Today’s ESL Class

Fast forward to today. During class, I was sweating bullets because some of my students were whipping through the material I had prepared at lightening speed and they looked bored, while other students were taking their sweet time like tortoises on a leisurely stroll. There I was stranded because I could not please all my students. Each one of my students has a different expectation of me and the fear of not meeting their expectations is what keeps me up at night. It also makes me hate the job that I initially had valued and enjoyed so much. And this scene of struggling with multi level learners has been repeating itself for my whole teaching career. This has been the toughest aspect of teaching, learning that I cannot please everyone.

If you ever taught, you know what it’s like to have constraints. You have your directors who need good test scores. And then you have parents who also desire results (or if you teach adults like I do, you have expectations for jobs and a higher salary.) And finally you have the actual students sitting in your class who have their own preferences and learning styles. In a classroom with 20 students there are so many variables for learning; this transforms the teacher, in a sense, to a juggler attempting to find the magic elixir that once imbibed will give the student the ability to have English flow from their lips as water from a faucet. I put a lot of pressure on myself for my students to succeed and it kills me. Not only that, but the old school I taught at put the blame for any failure of the student solely on the shoulders of the teacher. In the classroom, however, my spineless posture of attempting to save everyone gets me (and my students) no where.

“Get over yourself, MJ.”

Those are the words I said to myself after class today. After the 105 minutes of teaching responsibility were up I realized my fear of letting people down is not sustainable. I cannot cater my class to what my students want. I have to decide what my objectives are, how my students will reach them and how I will assess them on it. I have to make a plan backed up by my own reasons and stick with it. Then when my students disagree, which is inevitable (someone always disagrees), I have explanations. I have a degree in education and experience. I am the expert in the classroom. Yet for some reason I had been conditioned to think that owning up to my ability to teach was pride.

Ultimately it is my class and I make the rules. I do not do this out of the desire to control and dictate, but out of practicality. Nothing can be done and no goals can be reached if I’m constantly second guessing every decision I make.

I’m going to be honest, my personality is riddled with insecurity. I have always compared myself to my classmates and siblings. Am I as accomplished as them? Am I as smart? Am I as pretty? Am I as liked? Not only that, but I have always thought that to think anything positively about myself or any personal virtues was sinful because it stemmed from pride, the number one sin. But life cannot be lived like this. I am tired of being afraid and unsure all the time.

The passive-aggressive spectrum    

I don’t know if you can tell from reading this article, but I am very passive, to the point of passive aggression. In my mind I had somehow come to the conclusion that the way to respond as a Christian and a woman in any and every situation was passively. Now, thankfully I’m learning that the passive response is not the only response. I can be assertive, which means I am direct with my expectations and needs.

I am entitled to preferences and expectations. Before I viewed my role as a teacher/victim. Meaning, I have to jump through the hoops that others have set before me, but that is false. I am a person, just as my students and directors are. I am a human being and I have a voice, and I will use it unapologetically.

What are some lessons that you have learned about disobedience or humility? Do you constantly apologize even for things that are not your fault? Have you experienced a posture of constant apology to the point that it eventually became a hindrance? Do you struggle with speaking in an assertive way, which is neither passive nor aggressive?

Born in 1928 as the son of a high-ranking official in the Canadian government, Vanier traveled the world and served in the Royal Navy. Sensing that there must be something more to life, he resigned from his naval commission in 1950 to study theology and philosophy, eventually completing a Ph.D. at the Catholic University of Paris. Through his friendship with a Catholic priest, he renewed his faith in God and became deeply concerned about the plight of people with intellectual disabilities. In 1964, Vanier invited two disabled men to leave their institutions and move into his home. This led to the establishment of L’Arche (“The Ark”), a worldwide federation of residential communities where people with intellectual disabilities live, pray and worship together with caregivers in an atmosphere of friendship, mutuality and inclusion. Although L’Arche was founded as a Christian organization, the communities are open and welcoming to people of all religious beliefs. Vanier has studied, taught, and written extensively on topics related to faith, disability and community. He became a close friend and mentor to the late Christian author Henri Nouwen (1932-1996), who resided at a L’Arche community in Ontario, Canada for the last ten years of his life. In recognition of Vanier’s influence and achievements, he was awarded the Templeton Prize in 2015. (Previous winners of the Templeton Prize include Billy Graham and Mother Teresa of Calcutta.)

For decades, Vanier studied the inner workings of communities (especially religious ones) throughout the world. He learned what makes communities thrive and what causes them to fail. In his international bestseller Becoming Human (1998), he describes the enormous role that community plays in human development. Community is not the same thing as society. Society is where we earn a living, but community is where we experience belonging. Community is where we grow into full fledged human beings.

Belonging is important for our growth to independence; even further, it is important for our growth to inner freedom and maturity. It is only through belonging that we can break out of the shell of individualism and self-centeredness that both protects and isolates us…

(Becoming Human, Kindle edition, p. 35). If a community is healthy, it provides the structure and security that foster personal growth. But communities can also be unhealthy. They can appeal to the dark, egotistic parts of human nature and sow conflict and discord throughout the world. Vanier continues:

However, the human drive for belonging also has its pitfalls. There is an innate need in our hearts to identify with a group, both for protection and for security, to discover and affirm our identity, and to use the group to prove our worthiness and goodness, indeed, even to prove that we are better than others. It is my belief that it is not religion or culture at the root of human conflict but the way in which groups use religion or culture to dominate one another. Let me hasten to add that if it were not religion or culture that people used as a stick with which to beat others, they would just use something else (p. 36).

In Vanier’s understanding, the key difference between healthy and unhealthy community is this: An unhealthy community turns inward and develops a superiority complex. A healthy community recognizes that it is only a small part of the human race and fosters a sense of interdependence with the rest of humanity.

A group is the manifestation of this need to belong. A group can, however, close in on itself, believing that it is superior to others. But my vision is that belonging should be at the heart of a fundamental discovery: that we all belong to a common humanity, the human race. We may be rooted in a specific family and culture but we come to this earth to open up to others, to serve them and receive the gifts they bring to us, as well as to all of humanity (p. 36).

Vanier writes from an international perspective. He knows that Western people tend to be individualistic, and Easterners tend toward collectivism. Having seen the strengths and weaknesses of groups operating in diverse cultures, he is constantly aware of the delicate balance that must be struck between limiting personal freedom for the good of the community and preserving the dignity and uniqueness of the individual. He is also keenly attuned to the inequalities that exist in our fallen world, where the strong usually dominate the weak. In healthy community, each person knows he is both strong and weak; understanding and accepting their individual limitations is a key part of what gives community members a sense of belonging.

In Chapter II (“Belonging”) Vanier lists four signs of communities that are healthy. The first sign of a healthy community is that it treats all of its members, including the weakest and most vulnerable, with respect, seeing them all as equally important, and deliberately includes everyone in decisionmaking.

In healthy belonging, we have respect for one another. We work together, cooperate in a healthy way, listen to each other. We learn how to resolve the conflicts that arise when one person seeks to dominate another. In a true state of belonging, those who have less conventional knowledge, who are seemingly powerless, who have different capacities, are respected and listened to. In such a place of belonging, if it is a good place, power is not imposed from on high, but all members seek to work together as a body. The implication is that we see each other as persons and not just as cogs in a machine. We open up and interact with each other so that all can participate in the making of decisions (p. 58).

In Old Testament times, most of the Jewish people had a deep sense of belonging. But through the prophets, God rebuked them for ignoring the poor, weak and disadvantaged in their midst, for treating them as less-than-full members of God’s family (Isaiah 58:6-7).

The second sign of healthy community is that it values differences of opinion and promotes dialogue. Vanier has sharp words for communities that enforce and manipulate.

The second sign of healthy belonging is the way a group humbly lives its mission of service to others. It does not use or manipulate others for its own aggrandizement. It does not impose its vision on others but instead prefers to listen to what they are saying and living, to see in them all that is positive. It helps others to make their own decisions; it empowers them. When a community is closed and fearful of true dialogue where each person is respected, it is a sign of death not of life (p. 60).

A third sign of healthy community is acknowledgment that the group’s distinctive views and values are not always right, and that in the final analysis, maintaining these distinctives is less important than learning how to love.

As we begin to see others’ gifts, we move out from behind the walls of certitude that have closed us up… A few centuries ago, different Christian churches were fighting each other. Their theologies were calculated to prove that one was right and the other wrong. Today, instead of seeing what might separate us, whether as churches or cultures, we are instead seeing what unites us. We are beginning to see each other’s gifts and to appreciate them and to realize that the important thing for each one of us is to grow in love and give of ourselves (pp. 60-61).

Finally, the fourth sign of healthy community is openly admitting its mistakes and reforming itself with advice from the outside.

Fourth, it is a healthy sign when a group seeks to evolve and to recognize the errors of the past, to recognize its own flaws, and to seek the help of experienced people from outside the group in order to be more true and loving, more respectful of difference, more listening and open to the way authority is exercised. The group that refuses to admit its own errors or seek the wisdom of others risks closing itself up behind walls of “superiority” (p. 61).

In conclusion, healthy communities are where people experience God’s goodness and become well formed human beings.

Groups that develop with these four signs are, to my mind, healthy groups; they are helping their members to break free of the egotism inherent in us all and to grow towards greater maturity and inner freedom. They are discovering our common humanity, allowing us to be ourselves, intertwined with each other, receiving and giving life from one another. Do we not all share the same earth and sky? Are they not for us as we are for them? We all belong to each other, we are all for each other. God, too, is for us as we are for God. We are called to grow in order to become fully ourselves and fully alive, to receive from others, and to give to others, not being held back by fears, prejudices, or feelings of superiority or inferiority (p. 61).

A “Person of Peace” And The Family

“I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.” (Phil 1:3-4, NIV)

Paul wrote this letter to the Philippian believers around 62 A.D. while he was in prison in Rome. He was so happy about their partnership in the Gospel. He opens his letter with these words to them;

“Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, To all God’s holy people in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons: 2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:1-6, NIV)

Philippi was a Roman colony in Macedonia. There were not many open doors for ministry in Philippi for there were few Jews there, and no synagogue. But God opened door there and into all of Europe. Acts 16:11-40 describes how Paul pioneered the church in Philippi. Paul met Lydia who accepted Jesus and opened her house to Paul and those with him. Paul met with the brothers there and encouraged them. A jailer and his whole family accepted the gospel and were baptized as believers. They were the first in Europe to join with Paul in propagating the Gospel. The Philippians remembered and supported Paul in his gospel ministry from the time he left them. Paul thanked God for their wonderful partnership. They continue to be his most faithful supporters in so many ways. When Paul remembered them, his heart was filled with joy and he honestly felt that it was a privilege to have them as partners in the gospel along with him.

In Acts 16:11-40, we can see three components of mission that are needed for every mission to be effective. We find Paul and his missionary team preaching the Gospel in a new community. We see Lydia and the jailor. They are converts. The jailer’s family all accepted the Gospel. They are the ones who invited Paul and his mission team into their homes. They are the ones that introduced Paul to their friends and neighbors. A new Gentile Christian church could be established because God worked in the hearts of these people, the first believers. Maybe Lydia or the jailor, were a “person of peace” and the other an “ancestor of faith”. We also see families. Paul did not have a family, but we see Lydia, who may have had one and the jailor who did. All of these are partners in the Gospel, vital components in forming this new church plant in Philippi and making inroads into Europe.

Part 1: Introduction

In this series we are investigating the different components of a successful missionary endeavor. In the development of a mission, there are not just missionaries. There are other missional entities, which partner in unison, to allow the body of Christ to thrive. God desires for all of them to work together. The important thing is to recognize these parts of the body and nurture working relationships with them as we live as missionaries. Anything less is neglecting part of the body of Christ and hindering the work of the missionary.

I propose that the most fruitful path to embark on, as missionaries, is nurturing solid relationships with six missional entities, all of which are part of the body of Christ.

1. Relationships with… a sending church
2. Relationships with… a mission agency
3. Relationships with… a receiving church
4. Relationships with… a missionary team
5. Relationships with… a “person of peace”
6. Relationships with… the family

This paper will define the six areas of relationship building. Our own family experience as a house church will be reflected upon. The things learned from the current mission to the Canada will added. There will also be some advice on how to nurture the relationships in the six areas.

The first part dealt with the necessity of nurturing relationships with a sending church and a mission agency. This second dealt with relationships with a receiving church and a missionary team. This third part will expound on the relationships with a person of peace and the family. The point of all this is to share about some ways that missionaries can be strengthened as they follow Jesus. Let’s see.

Part 2: Nurture A Relationship With A “Person Of Peace.”

A “person of peace” is one who is able to invite the missionary into a community. In the cross cultural setting, the missionary is the outsider. They are the minority. They may not even have a means of entering a community, without an invitation from an insider. Successful missionaries wait for God to send a person of peace to invite them into a community in order to serve the Gospel mission among the people.

With no “person of peace”, there is little hope in establishing a thriving Christian community among a particular people group. There is the heavy burden of being a constant outsider. There is always a long range prayer that someone, within the community, would come alongside the mission. But that may take years, decades, if it ever happens at all.

A person who is sort of a “person of peace”, but not really….is what my previous ministry called an “Abraham of faith.” Missionaries pray and pray for an “Abraham of faith”. This person is the first native convert that answers to same call of God which the missionaries have answered. They share in the same vision and mission as they come alongside the missionaries in a life of service with them.

Without a person of peace, sent by God, missionaries lay unreal expectations on their ancestor of faith, and other Bible students. Such a person is loaded with hopes and expectations by the missionaries, to help the missionaries navigate within the culture and invite native believers into church. Their plan might be to send a native Bible student to the community to make friends with the people and then the missionary would take over the discipleship. It is like a disciple assembly line. Though many hopes are laid up them, the converts might not function as a “person of peace.” They are a convert, yes. They may participate in ministry, yes. But they may not be able to penetrate a culture as the missionaries hope. They may operate outside the culture, for years with the missionaries. It is important not to lay hopes and our own expectations on those whom God sends. Bill Mills and Craig Parro of Leadership Resources International say it well,

“It is not only our dreams that cause us to be vulnerable and to give up in the ministry. The dreams of others also bring us great pressure. Many of our pastors are losing heart because they are not measuring up to the expectations of their people. Following Jesus’ ministry lifestyle of “wanting to see what God is doing” and entering into His eternal work is our greatest protection from burning out under the expectations of those whom God has given us in ministry.” (Finishing Well In Life And Ministry. Bill Mills and Craig Parro. Leadership Resources International. 2008-6^th printing. p. 240)

“I have heard from many pastors of small churches who find it very difficult to attend their denominational meetings or even to meet with a small group of fellow pastors. Rather than being built up and encouraged, these times often cause them to loose heart. It seems that there is no possibility any more for a small church to be healthy and have substantial ministry, for the pastors are sent the message, ‘If your church is not growing numerically, there is something wrong with you and your methods. If you are doing it right, your church will grow.” In North America we are future-oriented pragmatists who are committed to progress and who expect growth. We are convinced that “if we do these things that are proven to work, then we will achieve the success we desire.” However, God does not fit into that mindset. As we have seen in other places in our study, many pastors are losing their ability to endure under these pressures to produce.” (Finishing Well In Life And Ministry. Bill Mills and Craig Parro. Leadership Resources International. 2008-6^th printing. Page 241.)

It is so difficult to engage in cross cultural ministry without a “person of peace.” In one northern Canadian community I heard of a missionary family who built a house church across the lake from a First Nation community. They were not in the community. They tried to minister for a while, but eventually stopped. They were always on the outside of the culture. It is doubtful that fruitful long-term mission can be established without a “person of peace”, for the ministry will always be operating on the periphery of the culture.

We never had a person of peace to invite us into the culture of the campus. We were happy if we had a house close to the campus to live in and minister out of. We would begin a ministry among the students without an invitation into the community. We simply moved to a town and regularly went to campus to invite students to study the Bible. If they accepted the invitation to 1:1 Bible study…great! If not, then we would move on. I never thought we needed a person of peace to invite us into the campus community. This had significant repercussions in the success of our mission.

I was content to carry out my mission, without a “person of peace” for fourteen years. We had a faithful Bible student who became a faithful friend and fellow worker in our mission, for a while. After she left, there were a few other Bible students, but none were the “person of peace” that we needed. As a result, we were constantly operating on the periphery of the campus culture for fourteen years. In the end, I can say that I never did become part of the campus community, not even the campus Christian community. I was operating on the outside of the culture, never making lasting inroads into the community we were called to serve.

Without a “person of peace” and being a single family house church, ours was a lonely mission. There was always a looming sense of failure, for we were always wondering why we couldn’t become established in the campus culture. We spent 14 years pondering how to better serve as a campus ministry, but it just didn’t happen, mainly because we didn’t have a close relationship with a “person of peace”, inviting us in. What we needed was a Christian who was an insider to the campus culture, to introduce us and support our work. That person might have been, possibly a Christian professor or a Christian leader on campus or a Christian worker on the campus. I am not sure. But one thing I know, that person would have been heaven sent.

Recently, a retired Baptist pastor asked me, “How do you find this person of peace?” I came to the conclusion that it is really a divine event. That person must be established and introduced by God himself. There is no way that we can find such a person on our own. We must pray, depend on God and keep our eyes open. In this way all the glory goes to God, and not to our own strategies and human efforts.

In the mission, I am now involved in, a “person of peace” literally made an impassioned plea for missionaries, to our receiving church, two weeks before we first made contact in the region! It was obvious to all that this was the hand of God for God’s fingerprints were all over it. All people involved in the mission, were in agreement and together we proclaimed, “Amen!” for God had sent a “person of peace” to invite the missionaries into one community. Each community that the missionaries hope to serve with the Gospel will require a “person of peace.”

In order to find God’s “person of peace” missionaries and sending churches need to acknowledge the need for one. They need to pray and build relationships with a receiving church until God sends that person who can invite the missionary into the community they pray for. Don’t stop until it happens. Don’t be content with just finding a faithful Bible student or church attendant. Pray for a “person of peace.” And when God sends that person of peace, nurture that relationship for they are a gift from God. And remember to keep your eyes open for the next “person of peace” opening the way for the next community.

Nurturing the relationships with that person of peace, and even with an ancestor of faith, involves grace, respect and shared authority. Missionaries must include them in ministry decisions. They can not just be there to “rubber stamp” the missionaries’ ideas. They must know that they are an integral part of the mission, and not someone who is being exploited to only further the missionaries’ agenda. They need to be consulted on strategy and their suggestions taken seriously, for God sent them to the mission for a reason. Paternalism will never work when nurturing a relationship with the person of peace or an ancestor of faith.

Part 3: A Missionary Must Nurture Relationships With Their Family.

I have heard it said that a person’s ministry can only go as far as their marriage. God wants to reveal his glory through our family. He wants to reveal his grace, mercy, hope and truth through the family. Even if people don’t listen to the gospel, they can see the Gospel lived out among our family members.

I must confess that I did not spend the time and effort that I should have developing the relationships with my family members. Over the 14 years as a pastor of a “single family” house church, I was just barreling forward with the mission, trusting that the family thing would take care of itself. Julie and I are celebrating our 23^rd year of marriage this year. Our kids are relating to us. We are a family. We love each other. But we never directly focused on marriage development. It was all ministry activities, every day. We didn’t have the support and counsel of a local receiving church. We had occasional talks with the pastor of our sending church. We never went to marriage retreats. We never really talked about family things. We simply remained true to our mission. Mission took precedence over family. We called each other co-worker and our family a house church. We felt that as long as we remained true to our mission everything else would fall into place. We also benefited from our Catholic upbringing that emphasized staying married no matter what. There was also the example of people in our church organization who remained married. Though there have been some hard times, God blessed us over the last 23 years.

There is a temptation, among missionaries, to treat their kids as though they already believe in Jesus and as if they accept the mission as their own. I thought this way. I pushed the kids to engage in Bible study and keep the Sunday worship service going each and every week. I was proud that my kids could set up and run a Sunday service all by themselves if they needed. But the kids may not even believe in Jesus. The pushing of the kids to make ministry happen, may turn them off from wanting to come to Jesus. It is also hard to have a Sunday service when there is an unwilling atmosphere in the room. Pushing the kids will make the parents into authoritarian leaders, for without pushing the kids, the ministry probably would not stand. The kids may never want to part of what the parents are doing. The ministry runs the risk of being a one generation ministry.

After 26 years as a shepherd and Bible teacher, one would think that I would be a wonderful counselor. But this is not true. I learned to teach and preach, but not counsel wisely. I am really handicapped at talking to those closest to me. I never focused on nurturing familial relationships. But it is never too late to start, is it? Missionaries, in a cross cultural mission, must nurture relationships with their family members.

The family relationship must be developed. One of the best ways to nurture that relationship is to pray with one another regularly. Take time out to study God’s word together. Serve in the church together. Talk to one another. Look at Ephesians 5:22-33 as Paul talks about the relationship between husband and wife.

“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (ESV)

The relationship with the kids is important. In a mission, the ideal is for the kids to host visitors and minister with the parents. They can sing, pray, lead the youth group, and a whole host of things. But if the kids don’t want to be part of the mission, it is very difficult serve in a cross cultural context. What happens when the kids don’t want visitors to come over? When they express their dislikes for some people? What about when they remain quiet, held up in their rooms, simply waiting to leave the home? A lot of such things can be avoided if the relationship with the kids is nurtured well. Paul comments on this too in Ephesians 6:1-4…

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” ⁴ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (ESV)

The kids need to be met where they are at with the Lord, and not imposed with unreal demands to serve the ministry, just because the parents have a calling. The kids need to be respected, encouraged and talked to and ministered to according to where they are with the Lord. This will mean a deviation in ministry goals for the single missionary family. It could mean allowing the kids to fellowship with a receiving church. Pray for God’s wisdom.

One missionary asked me, “How is your church strengthening families?” I would say that the family culture is what is different. In the last three years there was one marriage conference. There has been two, “eight session” small group encounters. Putting the priority on marriage is not formally preached all of the time. But the church culture promotes it. There are no guilty feelings about missing a Sunday worship service or taking a vacation. Parents are putting their family first and mission after family as God allows and talking about it freely. The phrase, “being too family centered” is never spoken. The words co-worker and housechuch, when referring to family, are never spoken. People take family vacations. Family is highly honored. And the kids enjoy being in church. There is multigenerational worship and marriages.

In nurturing relationships with the family, I would say “work at it.” Be intentional. Embrace awkwardness. Enter into honest conversations and prayer together as a family. Keep the oneness in your marriage a top priority. Acknowledge that God himself brought you together for a purpose. Open your eyes to see how God is leading your family specifically. There are doors open around you, specifically for you and your family.

Part 4: Conclusion

As missionaries engage in mission, they need to nurture relationship with a “person of peace” and with their family. Without a strong relationship with a person of peace, the mission will always operate on the outside of the culture and community that the missionaries are praying to serve. They will have a sense of failure in their hearts and make unreal demands and expectations on their family and Bible students that God sends. They must pray and keep their eyes open and enter into partnerships with the person of peace, and not just exploitive relationships to advance the mission. With a person of peace the missionaries can penetrate the culture and build a mission serves the people they pray for. Missionaries must also nurture relationships with the family. They can only go as far as the family relationships go. The marriage relationship must be worked on with determination. With a family they can have longevity and be a great Gospel witness among the people they are called to serve.

This far we have reviewed all six missional entities that missionaries must nurture relationships with in order to serve their mission well. They are…

1. Relationships with… a sending church
2. Relationships with… a mission agency
3. Relationships with… a receiving church
4. Relationships with… a missionary team
5. Relationships with… a “person of peace”
6. Relationships with… the family

A concluding, Part 4, will be written to tie everything together and include even some quotes from responses made. God bless.

“The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”

The Christian Church is the body of Christ. All those who receive Jesus as Savior and Lord, by faith, are parts of the body of Christ. The body has many parts. Hands and feet work together. A nose and an eye are both essential. Each part compliments each other and steps in the gap when another part is weak. We like to think of each part of the body as individual Christians, but also, on the macro level, each ministry and missional entity, has essential functions within the body to bring glory to Jesus.  We must respect each part, and even nurture relationships with them, for they are part of the body of Christ utilizing their various gifts to build up the church.

In the development of a mission, there are not just missionaries. There are other missional entities, which work together in unison, to allow the body of Christ to thrive. God desires for all of them to work together. The important thing is to recognize these parts of the body and nurture working relationship with them as we live as servants of Christ. Anything less is neglecting part of the body of Christ and hindering the work of the missionary.

Part 1: Introduction

I propose that the most fruitful path to embark on, as missionaries, is nurturing solid relationships with six missional entities, all of which are part of the body of Christ.

1. Relationships with… a sending church
2. Relationships with… a mission agency
3. Relationships with… a receiving church
4. Relationships with… a missionary team
5. Relationships with… a “person of peace”
6. Relationships with… the family

This paper will define the six areas of relationship building. Our own family experience as a house church will be reflected upon.  The things learned from the current mission to the Canada will added. There will also be some advice on how to nurture the relationships in the six areas.

The first part dealt with the necessity of nurturing relationships with a sending church and a mission agency. This second part will deal with relationship with a receiving church and a missionary team. The third part will expound on the relationships with a person of peace and the family. The point of all this is to share about some ways that missionaries can be strengthened as they follow Jesus. Let’s see.

Part 2: Nurturing Relationships With A Receiving Church.

Missionaries need to nurture relationships with a receiving church. A receiving church is a church that partners in ministry. If you consider the invisible divide that separates the missionaries, from the culture it seeks to serve, then the receiving church is on the other side of that divide, dwelling in the region the missionary is praying to minister. They are poised to receive the missionaries as they land in the field. That is why I call them, the “receiving church”.

I would include spiritual mentors and advisors as part of the receiving church. They are like-minded with similar vision for mission. They may not even be the same denomination as the sending church. They may not even have a relationship with the mission agency. The prime quality is that they are established within the foreign culture, or subculture, and can lend a helping hand to the missionary.

A receiving church is a separate missional entity that God has brought into the lives of the missionaries. They provide local resources. They provided easily accessible counseling, mentoring, logistic expertise, practical and material support, housing, transportation, friendship, timely feedback, and advice, to name a few. They become the new home church for the missionaries. They are the not the final landing place, but a launching pad to more remote locales. The missionaries become members and serve in the church, but set their eyes on other more “remote” regions.

A receiving church provides a source of support for the family. Let’s face it… we are human. There will be family strife. How hard it is to deal with that all alone! How wonderful it is to have the wisdom and support of a local receiving church! There can be marriage counseling and parenting counseling. The kids can find support in the youth group and youth counselors. There are families who have gone on before. These are only things that a receiving church could provide. We sure would have benefited from the support of receiving church rather than just silently bearing the relational struggles by ourselves as we carried on with our mission. A lot of issues could have been solved if I had nurtured a relationship with a receiving church within the community I lived in, right from the beginning.  (More on family in part 3.)

Sometimes a sending church tries to act like a receiving church. I would not advise this. There is no way that they can fulfill the functions of the receiving church, for the receiving church must be local, easily accessible and nestled in the culture.

In order to respect the work of the receiving church, the sending church must relinquish some control of the “their” missionaries and allow them to participate in the life of the receiving church. This requires faith and trust in God.

I feel that our sending church was trying to fulfill the functions of both a sending church and a receiving church at the same time, ignoring the need for a local receiving church. There are draw backs to this. Our sending church was one hour drive away.  In order for us to go for a simple visit, required 2 1/2 hours of driving and 2 or 3 hours of visiting time.  This meant a simple visit required five hours and $30 in gas and tolls. Visits were infrequent. It was not easy with a family where both parents worked and five young kids needed our attention. There was also, almost “no feed back” in our attempts at ministry.  Maybe I wasn’t ready to accept feedback. Maybe they did this out of respect for me and my choices, but having no feedback made me feel like I was operating in a vacuum. I would have liked more “real time” feed back, more availability for quick visits with other Christians and more advice on fruitful alternatives to mission, born out of casual conversation with members of a local receiving church.

Entering into a relationship with a receiving church is an act of God. Three years ago, while trying to embrace the mission to Canada, we were led to a receiving church after making many “cold calls” and interviewing people over the phone. One person directed me to another. God worked through this and by his sovereignty, led us to a particular congregation. Several visits were made and it became clear that our churches needed to enter into partnership so as to unleash the missionaries.

I completely ignored a relationship with a receiving church. In starting a campus house church (in1998), we lacked any type of relationship with a receiving church. We never thought we needed one. In our pride we launched into this campus mission, ignoring Christians around us. Our town is full of sincere Christians and churches that might have partnered with us. Our campus even had fourteen Christian groups that we might have formed friendships with if we thought it a priority. After moving to our small town, the intensity of our lives kept us from forming meaningful relationships in mission, with other Christians for fourteen years. We made excuses for not building relationships with other churches, because we were too busy serving our own mission according to our “special” calling.  This paradigm of mission kept us isolated from the rest of Christendom and operating without local mentors, supporters and guides.

Without a receiving church I lacked having Christians my own age to hang out with as friends. I was always surrounded by people who were my Bible students. There was always a mission related agenda defining my relationships. I was always evaluating people. Did they have a potential to grow as a disciple or was serving them a waste of my time? I did not have a local spiritual mentor in the same community to “bounce things off of”. I lacked a sense of community with other Christians near me.

With no receiving church, I made unreal demands on my own family members in order to keep the basics of church. We needed singers, prayer representatives, speakers and me, the messenger. There was no one else to do it and so my family needed to. The kids were forced into ministry, even when they did not believe in Jesus and even when they had no personal calling. The mission had to go on. With no receiving church, there was no outlet.

With no receiving church there was no source of “insider wisdom.” Each community is a unique culture. There are things to learn. There is wisdom to help a missionary to navigate the community. Why was I so proud to think that I could function in campus ministry without the wisdom of a receiving church near the campus and without local mentors to help show the way?

Without the receiving church there is no accountability.  If a person does not have a relationship with someone, on a day-to-day basis, it is hard to know and understand what a person is going through. I had slight accountability with my sending church 60 miles away, but as long as I produced positive reports about the mission and was keeping the Sunday worship service, all seemed well.  Nobody knew my need for spiritual mentors. I didn’t even know my need. Nobody knew the extent of my inner struggles.

At the end of my fourteen year stint as a single family house church, I reached out to a local pastor. I attended some his services by myself. I received his counsel. It was actually quite relieving. Healing was on the horizon. I would have avoided a whole lot of heartache if I had nurtured a relationship with a receiving church, right from the beginning of our mission.

Now that I am a member of a local community church (since 2012), how nice it is to stop by Starbucks and see one or two people whom I go to church with. How great it is to attend a home group meeting, where you are not forcing our immediate family members to make things happen. How refreshing it is to just enjoy sweet fellowship with a body of believers with no mission agenda. How nice it is to have some solid marriage and family support in a church that emphasizes family over mission. How good it is to have Christian peers and mentors nearby and not just Bible students.

Any missionary who tries to engage in cross cultural ministry without nurturing a strong relationship with a receiving church will suffer. Having no receiving church does not lend itself to a joyful life of faith, integration into the culture, nor longevity on the mission field. It will be a friendless, lonely mission. It will benefit a missionary greatly to come alongside a receiving church and nurture that relationship. All we have to do is open our eyes to see the receiving church God has prepared right before our eyes.  You might be surprised on who it is. Be ready to come alongside, even they are not like yourself.

Part 3:  Nurturing Relationships With A Missionary Team.

Missionaries, in a cross cultural setting, must have a close relationship with the missionary team. The mission agency, for the Canada mission, really emphasizes the importance of teamwork. They will not encourage missionaries to go out without forming a close team.

Without a team, what is left is a single family serving as missionaries. As I have mentioned before, in such a case, the family members become the pillar leaders of anything that goes on.

There is unrelenting pressure for the husband to always have the Sunday message prepared.

There is pressure for the kids to always have praise and worship music prepared (even when they do not believe in Jesus).

There is pressure for the wife to do everything else.

It may take years, if ever, to have a non-family member take ownership of the ministry. The family must always uphold ministry activities, without fail. Some parts of ministry should not have been formed in the first place because of the lack of team members. Without team members there are no one to share the load.

But with a team there is support. There is feedback. There is sharing of the load. Other team members can stand in the gap. They can encourage one another in times of weakness. There can be elders, differing approaches, checks and balances. What about being able to go on furlough? Who will take over when you are gone? It must be the other members of the team that you have nurtured relationships with. It is a great relief to be part of a missionary team.

In a missionary team there is oneness and respect. Some churches may be tempted to embed a senior missionary in with other junior missionaries. They may have a godly motive to infuse some spiritual maturity in the team.  But they may also have an impure motive to make sure the church’s agenda is fulfilled. This is paternalistic. It does not trust the leading of the Holy Spirit. It does not respect the team members. In the team there is respect and shared authority, admiration and opportunities for all members to contribute. There is trust in God. With a missionary team there could be consensus building and unity.

We suffered greatly because we took hold of our mission without being part of a team. Our family members were the team. There was no one to pinch hit for me in leading group Bible study and delivering the Sunday message. It was always me and it was stressful. The kids were under pressure to always contribute with a smile on their face. Sunday became a chore instead a time of joyful worship before the Lord. Things would be very different with a team.

Without a team, the nature of the ministry was authoritarian. I was the head of the household. I was the one making sure that our “well oiled” machine kept running every week. I was authoritarian. I was the enforcer, and I did it for over 14 years. There were no checks and balances to see if I was straying as a leader. My wife was forced to play that role. A missionary who does not have a strong relationship with a missionary team will end up making unreal demands on each member of their family to keep their mission alive.

A missionary can nurture a relationship with the missionary team, by keeping in communication. They do not operate on their own. They work in conjunction with the team. They submit to God’s leading as revealed through the team. There is oneness. There is openness and honesty and commitment. There is communista (bonding from shared experiences).

Longevity, joy, fruitfulness on the mission field can be achieved by nurturing a strong relationship with a missionary team.

Part 4: Conclusion.

God never meant for us to function with no other relationships with the local body of believers around us. Elijah felt all alone. He was so distressed that he was hoping to die. But God told him, in the depth of his despair, “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him” (1 Ki 19:18; NIV). Elijah was not alone. There were others in the spiritual battle. God wants us to partner with others. In Phil 1:5-8 Paul writes, “I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” He considered others as partnering with him for the sake of the Gospel. This partnering involves individuals but Christians in other missional entities, like a receiving church and a missionary team.

We may be tempted to ignore relationships with other parts of the body of Christ as we barrel forward with our mission. It seems easier, at first to ignore a need for a receiving church or other team members. But, by failing to nurture these relationships, missionaries suffer. Their mission can only go so far. When I tried to do it, for fourteen years, I was left severely depressed and despaired. I was lonely and without local peers, local Christian friends and local mentors. I forced my family to serve the functions that a receiving church and a team was meant to fulfill.

Some may have thought I should have suffered for several years longer, keeping business as usual, and thinking blessing was just over the next mountain. But I don’t think so. Never again will I ignore these important relationships in mission, rather I will promote their need and seek to nurture them.

Part three of this three part series will discuss nurturing relationships with a “person of peace’” and the family.

Chapel with David Choi

In Chapel at Moody, we had a quest speaker, David Choi, from the church of the Beloved. One point in his sermon stuck out to me. He said, “We’re all trying to find security… We’re trying desperately to find validation in our identities.” He shared all the masks that he had worn throughout his life. Growing up as a Korean, he struggled academically to please his father. He always got A’s, but it was never good enough. Then he moved to a boarding school in the Midwest where everyone was smarter than him, so he tried to be the athletic and funny class clown. Then he went to Wheaton where everyone was a spiritual leader and president of their respective Bible Clubs, so he led a youth group. Then he went to seminary in Boston where he again wanted to fit in and show off. It was a never ending game of charades.

My masks

As he was sharing, I couldn’t stop my head form nodding. I know what it’s like to wear a mask, to become a social chameleon so that others would accept me. So often my desire for validation and approval dictates how I spend my time, money and energy, what I blog about or post on facebook. It determines my job and educational degrees. To this day I am still trying to prove my worth to the middle school bullies who made fun of me and ignored me, a decade and a half ago. I put on the smart/tough/able/invincible MJ mask, but it is exhausting and ultimately the only one receiving approval is the mask. This is the conundrum of approval; the more one seeks it, the less likely one will gain it. It is a never ending vicious cycle that is apparent in some of the most beautiful and successful people of the world. There are fashion models who never accept that they are beautiful and keep trying harder and harder to gain that ever elusive sense of worth. Approval is a drug that never satisfies and continually keeps one begging for more and more.

There’s a quote that Dr. Ben shared from Anne Lamott and I thought it was an accurate depiction of humanity. “Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are much more like you than you would believe. So try not to compare your insides to their outsides.” No one is exempt; some are better at hiding it than others.

But how does one gain approval? By not needing it.

One characteristic I highly admire is fearlessness. When I hear the word “fearless,” one person I think of is Frida Kahlo. As an artist her style was daring and unique. No one else painted like her and no one else dressed like her, but that did not matter to her. She expressed what she felt and in the end that is what gained the approval of others.

Another example comes from business. Often business owners try to cater to every type of customer. For example, a photographer will say that he does weddings, babies, nature, animals, etc. But once he tries to cater to everyone, he actually is catering to no one. It is a better for a business owner to narrow down his customers and focus on a few. I read somewhere that the difference between an artist and a politician is that an artist focuses on the few that appreciate their work, while a politician focuses on the majority that dislikes him. Artists/Writers/Musicians express what they feel needs to be said, not necessarily that which will gain them popularity.

Ultimate Approval has already been given

Of course ultimately as Christians, we know our source of approval.

“Before the foundations of the world, He loved you. Before the fall of Eden, He loved you. Before He sent His Son splitting through the cosmos to this world, He loved you. Before He died upon the cross, He loved you. When He rose again, He loved you. And He’s coming back again because He loves you. When you took your first breath, He loved you. When you messed up bad, He loved you. When you made good grades, He loved you. When you won and when you lost, He loved you.” -Jennifer Dukes Lee

David Choi finished his sermon by sharing our true identity; it is the identity that never changes, no matter how much we mess up. We are sons and daughters of the Most High King. God did not/does not begrudginly save us. He was not there watching us saying, “Oh, I hope he doesn’t get saved.  Darn, looks like I’ll have to let that one into heaven.” Quite the contrary, God wants to be with us more than we could ever want that for ourselves. He wants his children close to him.

I love Galatians because in chapter 3:2,3 St. Paul gets sarcastic. He says,

“I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?”

He calls them foolish. How could they be saved by faith and then all of sudden think it was their actions that could save or unsave them? That’s nonsense, but it’s something we Christians always think subconsciously. We think, “Uh oh, God’s not going to like me anymore.” However, later in chapter 5 Paul says, “It is for freedom that you have been set free.” We were not freed from sin to enter another bondage of sin management or the vicious cycle of seeking approval. God has already given us the stamp of his approval.

You are a child of the Most High King

One of the saddest thing for me to see is passion-less Christians.  I know often I personally forget my identity and let doubt and bitterness seep in.  Shame and guilt are so familiar that I go back to negative thinking and the hamster cage of trying to earn others’ approval. I also try to gain God’s approval even though it is only by Christ that I am approved, not by any works. I constantly need reminders of who I am in Christ. I constantly need to speak truth to myself and others. I constantly need to be reminded of the gospel.

I am a Princess of the Most High King and so are you (or Prince).

Do you wear masks? How do you try to gain approval from those around you? Has there ever been a time when fear dictated your actions? How do you see your identity in Christ? How do you remember your true identity?

So in August ubfriends started a book club. The book was A Fellowship of Differents by Scot Mcknight. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, good choice Joe! There is so much to write about from it, but I would like to share only my favorite part of the whole book here. On page 139 it says, “If some said, you must be kosher to eat with us, Jesus said, eat with me and I will make you kosher.” There, that’s it. This is my favorite line in the whole book.

The Third Way

In this chapter McKnight is talking about loving  members of the LGBTQA community in the church. Traditionally, there are two approaches towards the LGBTQA community: affirming or non-affirming but here McKnight offers a third way. He asks the reader,

“What can we learn of the cruciform life in fellowship with those who experience and suffer from same-sex attraction? Our posture cannot be one of pity; it must be one of mutual fellowship in the cross and resurrection of Christ, the kind of fellowship where we minister to one another (pg. 139).”

This is an approach of mutual fellowship, communion. Communion is about coming together around the same table and doing life together no matter what your sexual orientation is. Christ brings us together. Christ breaks down all barriers.

Two Principles of the Third Way

The author continues to describe the third way. He states its main pillars.  First it is the progressive nature of our own growth in redemption. And second, it is the importance of the local church as the context for that growth.

Life is a journey and so are our lives of faith. It never stops. We are always growing and so we must be committed to each other’s growth in redemption. Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Sometimes people don’t want you to carry their burdens. Sometimes people never say thank you or appreciate you for carrying their burdens. My point is carrying a burden is never easy. Burdens are heavy, but this is what we are called to do. According to Galatians it is the law of Christ.

And secondly, the local church is vital. This point is not exclusive from the first because it is in the local church we see the progressive nature of our growth. The church is meant to be a fellowship of differents. McKnight calls the church, “God’s grand social experiment.” This safe environment of acceptance and love is where growth can happen. Growth comes from fellowship.

Christ’s Example

If you haven’t read the book this is the thesis right here. The author’s point is that the church is a fellowship of differents (hence the title). This means we look different, talk different, vote different, work different, smell different, etc., but we are still in communion with each other. Christ makes us one. Christ never imposes the stipulation that we must act, think, speak, like him before he accepts us. Christ accepts us as we are. He invites the non-kosher Gentiles to the table and through fellowship with him, the Gentiles become transformed. This is the only way towards growth/healing/transformation- communion with Christ and each other. It’s so beautiful; this is grace. May the church be a room of grace.

Do you agree or disagree? How has your experience in the church been? Have you seen the room of grace lived out in a community? Do you see fellowships of differents around you? Did you read the book? What was your reaction?

Additional Resources:

Brene Brown on Empathy

This clip depicts fellowship that brings about healing.

We Christians are firmly convinced that we should choose between:

• God and sin,
• God and money,
• right and wrong,
• good and bad,
• heaven and hell,
• monogamy and polygamy…and rightly so.

Two categories. This can be regarded as dualistic thinking. It is to see everything in two categories and two categories only. It promotes elitism, exclusivity and exclusionary thinking, which invariably denigrates, disparages and denounces those who are not on “your side.”

Done with the church. Sociologists list the reasons why some highly committed church members are deciding that they are done with church.

* They wanted community…..and got judgment.

* They wanted to affect the life of the church…..and got bureaucracy.

* They wanted conversation…..and got doctrine.

* They wanted meaningful engagement with the world…..and got moral prescription.

– See more at: comment-19077.

Done with UBF. This 4-point list does describe the experience that some of us have had with American evangelicalism. But it doesn’t explain why so many highly committed people decided that they were done with UBF. That list is more like this.

* They wanted to understand the gospel ….. and were told to go and preach the gospel.

* They wanted to understand why their relationships were so bad and getting worse ..… and were told to go back to the Bible.

* They wanted to understand why the atmosphere felt so dead ..… and were told to invite more people to double the ministry.

* They wanted to actually think about the meaning Scripture ..… and were told to put aside their own ideas and just believe.

* They wanted leaders to just be honest and admit that lots of abusive things have happened and do happen in UBF….. and were met with silence.

* They wanted friends ..… and got coworkers.

* They wanted to stop the insanity of doing the same thing over again at every conference year after year ..… and the result was more of the same.

* They brought serious problems to the attention of leaders in a gentle and respectful manner… and were told “your tone is not right” and “you have overstepped your authority.”

– See more at: comment-19078.

What are your thoughts about why so many bright and promising people are done with UBF ….. even after decades of committed involvement?

Group Bible Study
The high light of the conference for me was group bible study. For some very bizarre reason I was the “bible teacher” for a group that included 2 seminary professors, 2 UBF missionaries that had been Christians longer than I have been alive, and a missionary from South East Asia. I had mixed feelings about this, since on one hand I could do what I wanted, on the other hand I felt like Dr. Augustine or Dr. John Yoon should lead the bible study. I made it clear we wouldn’t be using the bible study questionnaire and things went very well. My friend Ivan said after this he would give Jesus another chance and I really felt that the Holy Spirit guide the conversation. At times certain people would occupy the conversation for a long time but then others would speak and overall it was one of the better (if not the best) group bible study I have had.

Testimonies
In contrast the testimonies were by and large boring and tiring. It was beyond obvious that they had been carefully scripted and edited. Of course when this is brought up it is denied but for everyone who has ears let them hear that nothing that was spoken from a stage this weekend wasn’t preapproved and checked. The Pauline Three Part testimony was in literally everything, from messages to mission reports, from reflections in the small group to the presider’s introductions. It led to a dry and tiring experience at best, at worst it implied that Jesus always works the same way in everyone, turning absolute terrible excuses for people with no redeeming qualities into people ready to throw their dreams and goals away for world mission. Some of these were truly moving, like John Peace and Philip Brown but when they were good it was because they broke the mold. Ivan (who later commented that he liked this conference) walked out on literally every single one of these.

Presiding
This leads me to my last point. I was asked to preside and was emailed with instructions to give a short life testimony and a description of where I was with God. As I started to read my testimony I was strongly convicted that this was the wrong thing to do. Although there are a lot of good things that have happened in my life, I simply did not want to share them. My life has been checkered in parts and as I looked at what was written I realized that it would create in many people a feeling of pity, pity that I did not want. If this makes me proud so be it, but simply couldn’t bring myself to say all those things to a group of strangers who would not be able to relate nor fathom what I was saying- to a group of people who (as I have experienced) do not understand how mental illness works.  I am not a product of my mother’s condition, and I felt like I did not trust people enough to tell them of my past. I was very sparse with details and when I gave where I was with Christ I chose not to simply say a list of activities I was involved in. For me this is not what following Jesus means. “If righteousness could be attained from the law Christ died for nothing.” At best these things are a glimpse at what Jesus was doing in me, and so I shared my true feelings- that I struggled how to be fearlessly humble. I struggle with loving my enemy as myself and how to love those who disagree with me.
Who was this conference for?
There was a claim that this conference was for new people. I realize now that there are different definitions of this word. Ivan was by anyone’s definition “new” but my pastor asked if he had a Christian background. When he said yes my pastor was relieved because “otherwise it may have been awkward.” This conference was not for “new people”. It was for people like me. “New” in the sense that they have been in UBF for a few years. It was a chance for them to show how they were “growing” in Christ by giving them tasks at this conference. It was evident from all that was testified, in the nearly singled minded emphasis on “making a confession of faith.” If a college student with no knowledge of Jesus had been taken off the street they would have left knowing they should follow Jesus and that they would have life, but no idea of who he is, what he is (beyond “The Lord”), why he is. They would know that following him leads to eternal life, but not why this is to be desired. They would know nothing of his great commands, nothing of the resurrection. They would know nothing of the Holy Spirit. So in that sense I feel that these (to give our conference creators the benefit of the doubt) were assumed to be known, and so this conference was for those who were given roles in the conference.

In closing, I had a fun time with lots of friends. I really loved the songs and music. I loved seeing my friends and the bible study was very inspiring. I am not sure if I will go again, especially since the next one is in Colorado. But I don’t regret going, as with all things it could have been better.

Forestsfailyou

Words of Blessing from Scripture

A scan through the Holy Scriptures reveals the nature of God’s blessing.

Psalm 106:3 “Blessed are they who observe justice, who do righteousness at all times!” My process of leaving was spurred on by the injustice of my sin against the Kim family in 1990. My conscience was bothered more and more as I was told the forget about this event by ubf people. The more I sought relief from this pain of conscience, the more blessed I felt. Seeking justice opens a door to God’s blessing.

Isaiah 30:18 [The Lord Will Be Gracious] “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” I was told repeatedly to just wait on ubf leaders to change. But I saw no evidence of change, just a mere rearranging the chairs on the Titanic. So I decided to stop waiting on ubf leaders to change, and to wait on God to work His justice. Waiting on God is so much more blessed than waiting on change in an organization.

What does Jesus say?

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us that blessing is not about being “in” or “out” of some community. Blessing is the gift of God, bestowed upon both individuals and community.

In Matthew 5:1-12 Jesus tells us the kind of people God blesses. They are the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and the people who are insulted and persecuted. I am not going to claim to be great in these areas. I know I fall short. Yet it was these verses of blessing that comforted me so many times during my leaving process. Every time I thirsted for righteousness, sought to deepen my understanding of godly sorrow or strived to be pure and honest, I felt the hand of God’s blessing. This brought much persecution from ubf people who cared more about obedience and loyalty than righteousness or purity of heart. And that led me to be greatly blessed.

What is blessing?

I have discovered that ubf taught me a vending machine attitude toward blessing. Go to daily bread in the morning, get a blessing that Sunday. Write a glory-story testimony, get a blessing that Friday. But Jesus does not have such a pragmatic idea of blessing. Jesus says blessings are the kingdom of heaven, comfort, the earth, satisfaction, mercy, the ability to see God, and the children of God. Surely there are many pragmatic blessings, but Jesus invites us to gain the greater blessings. Before leaving I and my home chapter in Toledo went through several years of discord. There was no satisfcation or comfort. But I found these blessings poured out on us through my leaving process.

So then, God does not show favoritism. Being “in” ubf is no more special than being “out” of ubf. In fact, maybe we could drop the in/out dichotomy and say “at” ubf. Some, like Ben and forests, are at ubf ministry. But they are not “in” any special blessing. I am not at ubf ministry. But I am not “out” of any blessing from God.

My Blessed Life after ubf

My life is also practially blessed. My wife and I went on our first date after 18 years of marriage (instead of single college students who “co-work”). We are learning and succeeding at how to be good parents (instead of passing on a heritage). My job is stable and our finances are recovering from the finance abuse. At ubf, I had 19 jobs in about 20 years. Now I’ve had the same job for two years in a row! Our family is making new friends and resting in the blessing of God. We have actually studied the bible and learned from the bible (instead of just making copy-cat white binders).

Our family had an initial time of turbulence, but that is smoothing out now. I no longer think it will take 24 years to recover from my 24 years at ubf. After just 4 years, we have already seen so much healing and blessing.

So please, ubf shepherds, can we stop the false teaching that when you leave ubf you are cursed? We former members are just as blessed as you are. Surely there is blessing at ubf and not at ubf.

My Resistance to the Cult Label

It must be noted first that the term cult did not come from me. I resisted this label for decades. Even after leaving, I wrestled with whether to use this term or not. In the past, I was “Mr. UBF” and argued intensely to defend the UBF organization for many years (2002 to 2007). I worked with Sarah Barry and others to erase negative information about UBF on the internet. I called Mr. Fisk of the NAE to argue in favor of re-instating UBF to the NAE organization. So for most of my life I hated the cult label and fought hard to remove it.

In 2008 I met John Jun at a UBF staff conference breakfast and listened to him gleefully tell me how UBF lawyers had removed the threat of Chris and his ubf-hate website. My eyes began opening to the facts.

In 2009 or so I discovered that James Kim (of Toledo UBF) had died. I was furious that no one told me so that I could attend his funeral. I was told another James Kim drove Paul Hong and Mark Gamber to the funeral. After this I decided to read the entire letters of James Kim and Rebekah Kim. I highly recommend reading these and processing them. Charles recently posted the links in a comment here.

Where does the cult label come from?

I began researching the issue online in the following years. I have now built up my priestly>nation website as a resource for links to everything related to UBF. One major resource is my list of links to newspaper articles that mention UBF as a cult, most of which pre-date the widespread use of the internet. The cult label started being applied to UBF right away in Korea and later in 1977, after missionaries from Korea UBF went to Canada.

http://www.priestlynation.com/newspapers/

There are now many organizations that have files on UBF. The primary two, in the West at least, are from Rick Ross and Steven Hassan. Both websites have a wealth of information about undue religious influence and how to cope with such influence. Both have extensive documentation about UBF.

The cult label came from the public. That is the primary way the public still sees ubf in 2015.

Cult Education Institute
http://www.culteducation.com/faq.html

Freedom of Mind Resource Center
https://freedomofmind.com/Info/

What does the term cult mean?

My first source is Merriam-Webster’s dictionary.

: a small religious group that is not part of a larger and more accepted religion and that has beliefs regarded by many people as extreme or dangerous

: a situation in which people admire and care about something or someone very much or too much

: a small group of very devoted supporters or fans

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cult

The cult label conjures up a lot of emotion and images but in itself, the word cult is not bad. For example, I am a full-fledged “member” of the Star Wars cult! I love all things Star Wars. In this sense, the term cult refers to the fanaticism that can surround many things. Some see a Jesus fan-club cult in the West. These things are not necessarily dangerous or harmful; just a phenomena.

Qualities of Cults in Religion

In the religious realm, the word cult takes on a different nuance. Lifton and Singer are two of the most robust thinkers in the use of the word cult in religion. In my 24 year experience at UBF and my 4 years experience outside UBF has given me thousands of examples of how Toledo UBF and UBF HQ fits into the realm of the religious use of the cult label.

Lifton’s Three Qualities of a Cult

• A charismatic leader, who increasingly becomes an object of worship as the general principles that may have originally sustained the group lose power.
• A process [is in use] call[ed] coercive persuasion or thought reform.
• Economic, sexual, and other exploitation of group members by the leader and the ruling coterie.

Singer’s Three Qualities of a Destructive Cult

• The origin of the group and role of the leader.
• The power structure, or relationship between the leader[s] and the followers.
• The use of a coordinated program of persuasion, which is called thought reform [or more commonly, ‘brainwashing'”].

I would urge everyone to read the material on the FAQ at the Cult Education Institute and make up your own mind. The six most liberating words ever spoken to me were from John Armstrong: “I will not bind your conscience”. So while I use the term cult, everyone here is free to disagree. I only ask that we are able to discuss reasons why we disagree.

http://www.culteducation.com/faq.html

What kind of cult is ubf?

Clearly ubf was a personality cult from 1961 to 2002, the span of Samuel Lee’s influence. There are still many pockets of personality cult life in various ubf chapters where there is a strongly narcissistic leader who needs some sort of narcissistic supply to function. My term for ubf is that the organization as a whole is a destructive ideology cult. Here are seven reasons why.

1) Family neglect.

The first reason ubf is a cult is because they teach neglect of family. Using proof-texted ideas from the bible, they claim that it is more spiritual and pleasing to God to sacrifice your family and be mission-centered. ubf is now your family. Don’t believe me? Then try this. Share a testimony at ubf entitled “God’s will is to be family-centered. One word: I love my family.” And then skip a ubf meeting for a family event. You can expect to find many angry and sad faces when you return. To say you are “family-centered” at ubf means you are unspiritual, sinful and in danger of losing God’s approval according to ubf teaching. They further disrespect family by the requirement that every ubf shepherd must go through their arranged marriage process called “marriage by faith”.

2) Identity breaking.

The second reason ubf is a cult is because they are identity snatchers. They encourage you to adopt the viewpoint that your pre-ubf life is bad, sinful, unspiritual and the like. Your new ubf life is now good, holy and pleasing to God if you adopt the “Shepherd X” identity. To make a decision to be a ubf shepherd means everything to ubf people. Your pre-ubf identity is chipped away and cut out, meeting by meeting, until you lose touch with your authentic self. This is done in the name of self-denial and taking up your cross, strongly bound to more proof-texted ideas from bible verses. Dr. Hassan describes this as the cult identity, and it has just enough of “you” to make it seem real. ubf breaks you down through sleep deprivation at numerous conferences, continual indoctrination at daily meetings and repeated reminders of your shortcomings. Your identity becomes assimilated into the ubf community, as your life becomes intertwined with other members’ lives.

3) Decision control.

The third reason ubf is a cult is that the shepherds at ubf manipulate the members (called sheep) to control and check their life decisions, such as who to marry, when to marry, where to work, where to live, etc. The supreme values of most ubf people are loyalty and obedience to the ubf authorities. The leaders take control of people’s lives. Some leaders are called directors because they are charged with directing the affairs of their own chapter or sub-community within the ubf network. ubf leaders live a scripted life. Going “off script” is rarely tolerated, especially for repeated offenses. ubf leaders have a very difficult time in any situation where they cannot control the outcome.

4) Culture destruction.

The fourth reason ubf is a cult organization is that they destroy the culture of the host countries they send missionaries to. They consider American or German or Mexican culture to be bad or at best only useful for propagating the ubf culture. Being Korean is not bad. There are many good things about Koreans. But ubf missionaries from Korea have made the big mistake of imposing their own culture onto the countries where they go. A survey of people in ubf once asked people to describe their own ministry in one word. The most repeated word was simply “Korean”. ubf missionaries tend to ignore their host country culture and often speak of being “re-charged” by going back to Korea for a visit. After several years at ubf, a member discovers that they speak with Korean-english, eat Korean food and value the Korean Confucian ideas of loyalty, nobility, authority, etc. They also find a great disdain for their own culture.

5) Abuse of all kinds that is not acknowledged.

The final and most important reason why ubf is a harmful cult is because many incidents of abuse have been covered over since 1961 when ubf began in Korea. It is surprisingly well known among ubf leaders that there are incidents of sexual abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse and authority abuse. ubf teaches “covering doctrine”, which means leaders’ sins cannot be discussed or challenged in any way. They teach the notion that it is your duty to hide the abuse or sin of a leader. This flawed theology is again proof-texted from the bible with almost no reality check with the thousands of Christian authors and preachers who would expose such teachings. ubf has created an environment where abuse is swept under the rug and corruption thrives under the pretty masks of the appearance of godliness. While most ubf chapters are free of the sexual or physical types of abuse, verbal abuse and financial abuse is widespread.

6) Glory story fabrication

The ubf mindset is prone to rejecting perspectives and valuing intention over facts. mrkimmathclass is correct in that I was foolish to break into James Kim’s house. Who would do such a thing? No one ordered us to do that with a direct command. The reason we did such a thing is that we were fed glory stories–we believed the narrative that James and his family had asked Toledo UBF for help to move while they were in Houston. We believed the glory story that we were blessing them to become missionaries. At the time we had no idea about the god-father power struggles with Samuel Lee. That is why we were so confused when James and Rebekah were SO furious when they returned. Didn’t they appreciate our help? Why are they so angry and unthankful? Well now I understand because I faced the facts of that situation.

7) KOPAHN/12 slogans/shepherding ideology

We’ve already discussed the “kingdom of priest and holy nation” shepherding flaws extensively here. I have no desire to talk about such things but you can read all about these teachings that are so highly prized and even guarded by a new ubf website. If your ubf chapter has not specifically addressed these ideological flaws, you are still in the cult.

http://www.ubfriends.org/?s=what+ubf+taught+me

http://www.priestlynation.com/this-is-your-brain-on-ubf/

Why did I join? Why did I stay? Why did I leave?

In my books (which are onsale now 3 for the price of 1!) I share all about these three questions. My second book, “Goodness Found: The Butterfly Narratives” is where I process these questions directly.

I joined because of the promise of goodness. ubf offered many low-commitment/high-reward promises. They offered a noble dream of being a shepherd, which I was keen to since I had wanted to be a Catholic priest since I was 16 years old. The poured on my much praise and flattery. Mixed in with all this was a genuine spiritual awakening due to my father’s death in 1989. I had joined ubf in 1987.

I stayed for 24 years, until 2011, because the ubf ideology redefined goodness. What is good? Well going to the ubf activities is good! Everything else is bad, even family. The ubf system is primarily what I rail against, all of which fed my own desire for glory:

• Six Stages of Training
• One Cult Identity
• Three Layers of Burden
• Four Elements of Control
• Twelve Heritage Slogans

I left due to my discovery of goodness. I started reading about Spurgeon and the gospel of Christianity. The goodness of transformation by the Holy Spirit overcame me when I read Christian books. The goodness of a virtual community (like ubfriends) brought much peace and light and healing to my soul. And the goodness of LGBTQIA people who accepted me helped me re-connect with goodness again. Most importantly my wife and mother and all my family became my bedrock of goodness again.

Here is a quote from my second book:

“For the most part, I feel that I was drawn out of UBF. One could say the Holy Spirit lead me to UBF and lead me away from UBF in order to display God’s goodness. That drawing out began in 2003 when my family moved to Detroit as UBF pioneers. My time in Toledo UBF was intensely regulated the entire 16 years, being consumed by attending UBF meetings on a daily basis. But my time in Detroit was free of such meetings. For the most part, our family was left alone. The downside of this was that we felt abandoned and had no support to actually build up a Christian church. The upside was that we had no more direct supervision from UBF missionaries. We were free! I used this time at first to defend UBF ideologies on the internet. But it was quickly pointed out to me by former UBF members that my situation as a “pioneering” family was very different from normal a UBF experience. I could not but agree. And one by one, all my defenses of UBF fell apart. I desperately wanted to defend the organization that I had given my blood, sweat and tears for. As my defenses fell apart, I began seeking Christian writings and sermons. I fell in love with the work of Charles Spurgeon. I met my grandparents’ pastor several times and read some of the Christian books he gave me. All this lead me to have a strong desire for community.”

One final note

In the end it was and has been the gospel of Jesus Christ that set me free from UBF ideology and is breaking every chain!  Please read Isabelle’s book and process all these things:  “I Choose: Subtlety in Cults“

Cs Lewis starts his address by stating that he will not be talking about what many of them assumed he would talk about: post World War 2 Europe. He says this is because most cannot be expected to marginally contribute to this condition in the next 10 years because “You will be busy finding jobs, getting married, acquiring facts.” This was striking to me because it is totally avoid of the modern mentality of “you can do anything” and the idealism that sweeps across modern campuses. He is being real here. He says instead he will give them advice for their lives. The next part is good enough to quote in its entirety:
“And of course everyone knows what a middle-aged moralist of my type warns his juniors against. He warns them against the World, the Flesh, and the Devil. But one of this trio will be enough to deal with today. The Devil, I shall leave strictly alone. The association between him and me in the public mind has already gone quite as deep as I wish: in some quarters it has already reached the level of confusion, if not of identification. I begin to realise the truth of the old proverb that he who sups with that formidable host needs a long spoon. As for the Flesh, you must be very abnormal young people if you do not know quite as much about it as I do. But on the World I think I have something to say.”
He goes on to say that in all groups of people the world over there exists an unwritten social code. Some people are “in” and some are “out”. He says many times there are no formal admissions, no formal expulsions. “People think they are in it after they have in fact been pushed out of it, or before they have been allowed in: this provides great amusement for those who are really inside. It has no fixed name. The only certain rule is that the insiders and outsiders call it by different names.” From the outside, if you despair of getting into it, you call it “That gang” or “they” or “So and so and his inner circle”. If you are up for admission you probably don’t call it anything. To discuss it with the other outsiders would make you feel outside yourself. And to mention talking to the man who is inside, and who may help you if this present conversation goes well, would be madness.
He proceeds though the rest of the essay to show that through all points in all people’s lives there is this intense desire to be “in”. Even those who protest being a part of the “in” crowd form a different group, and view themselves as “in” that group- the group protesting. “People who believe themselves to be free, and indeed are free, from snobbery, and who read satires on snobbery with tranquil superiority, may be devoured by the desire in another form.” He continues to say that trying to be a part of the in crowd (what he calls an inner circle) is a permanent main spring of human action. He says if you have never stayed up at night wondering why you did something to be a part of a group, to be included…then are you are more fortunate than most.
He gives two cautions. The first is that there is a difference between wanting to merely be a part of a group to be a part of a group and being a part of a group with a purpose. A person who loves chess and joins a chess club becomes a part of a ring, but he has found an “inside” worth having- whereas the person who joins the chess club because he wants to be in a club doesn’t really have a reward. The second caution is that Inner Rings are a large part of what allows good people to do bad things.
“And the prophecy I make is this. To nine out of ten of you the choice which could lead to scoundrelism will come, when it does come, in no very dramatic colours. Obviously bad men, obviously threatening or bribing, will almost certainly not appear. Over a drink, or a cup of coffee, disguised as triviality and sandwiched between two jokes, from the lips of a man, or woman, whom you have recently been getting to know rather better and whom you hope to know better still—just at the moment when you are most anxious not to appear crude, or naïf or a prig—the hint will come. It will be the hint of something which the public, the ignorant, romantic public, would never understand: something which even the outsiders in your own profession are apt to make a fuss about: but something, says your new friend, which “we”—and at the word “we” you try not to blush for mere pleasure—something “we always do.”
And you will be drawn in, if you are drawn in, not by desire for gain or ease, but simply because at that moment, when the cup was so near your lips, you cannot bear to be thrust back again into the cold outer world. It would be so terrible to see the other man’s face—that genial, confidential, delightfully sophisticated face—turn suddenly cold and contemptuous, to know that you had been tried for the Inner Ring and rejected. And then, if you are drawn in, next week it will be something a little further from the rules, and next year something further still, but all in the jolliest, friendliest spirit. It may end in a crash, a scandal, and penal servitude; it may end in millions, a peerage and giving the prizes at your old school. But you will be a scoundrel.
That is my first reason. Of all the passions, the passion for the Inner Ring is most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things.”

He concludes that the quest to be a part of the in crowd will break you unless you break it. Friendship is necessarily about something else- it is two hearts loving the same thing. He says that inner rings are avoidable- but we can through friendship and true love form something that looks identical to an inner ring.

And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that the secrecy is accidental, and its exclusiveness a by-product, and no one was led thither by the lure of the esoteric: for it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ring can ever have it.
We are told in Scripture that those who ask get. That is true, in senses I can’t now explore. But in another sense there is much truth in the schoolboy’s principle “them as asks shan’t have.” To a young person, just entering on adult life, the world seems full of “insides,” full of delightful intimacies and confidentialities, and he desires to enter them. But if he follows that desire he will reach no “inside” that is worth reaching. The true road lies in quite another direction. It is like the house in Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Proverbs 29:18a says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” I grew up in Malaysia, with no vision. But when I was 17, someone said, “You can enter medical school.” A vision was planted, and without ever having considered it before, I applied and entered medical school within a few months. Five years later I became a doctor.

During my medical internship in Singapore, while taking a shower, a fellow intern said, “I’m going to apply to go to the U.S.” Another vision was planted, and I immediately decided to come to the U.S., despite objections from family and friends and many difficulties. By God’s providence, I came to Chicago in 1980.

After coming to Chicago UBF, Dr. Samuel Lee began shepherding me. Those of you who know me know that I am stubborn, forceful, opinionated and highly infuriating. But through Dr. Lee, God planted a vision in me that even an unlikely person like me can shepherd American students and raise 120 disciples. Dr. Lee’s vision was unforgettable. Dr. Lee always communicated to me that I was great. But whenever he did I trembled, saying to myself, “If only you knew how sinful I am!” But he never deviated in always communicating to me unconditional love, trust and respect, despite my countless flaws, failures and sins for over 2 decades. In this way, God used him to plant the fear of God in me. In this way, God burned a fire within me to raise disciples of Christ all my life no matter what. Only by God’s mercy and the vision of Dr. Lee, God blessed my house church to establish pioneering house churches in the U.S. and to pioneer 1 nation, the Philippines.

When Dr. Lee passed away in 2002, I began praying for my own kids and for our 2nd gens. I felt a disconnection between us because there were generational barriers and cultural barriers. So, our 2nd gens subliminally thought of UBF as “my parent’s church.” But God granted me a vision that they are the best kids in the world, because they have 2 great attributes: 1) they honor the Bible as the word of God, and 2) they want to live a moral life. Then with the prayers and tears of countless UBF parents, God blessed our Young Disciples ministry over the last 5 years until 200 attendants came to our YD winter retreats in recent years.

What is my vision for our West Loop UBF? My vision is borrowed from Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee’s vision was to love and raise American leaders. According to his faith and vision, God raised so many great Americans, beginning with P. Ron, Dr. Jim Rabchuk, Dr. Joe Schafer, P. Teddy, Dr. Helen Rarick, Dr. Sam A. Lee and countless others. Similarly, God put in me a desire to support young leaders, so that God may raise them to be great servants of God. By God’s leading, God has granted us a handful of already great men and women of God for West Loop UBF. (Rhoel, Henry, Tim, Jim, Arthur, Len and Ruben. Their wives: Elena, Susan, Angie, Jenny, M. Helen, Liliana, Tif. We also have Michelle, Damon Mui, Oscar, Dindo, Iris.) Because of each of them, who are all far greater and better than I, I stand in awe of God. Because of them, and the prayers of many, and by the great mercy of God I see the vision that God will make us the best UBF chapter in the 21st century, by catching up to Triton, UIUC, LP, West LA, IIT, and Chicago UBF, to whom I am forever indebted.

I feel funny reading what I wrote just over six years ago, and the way I wrote it. Feel free to feel confused, confounded, or to cringe, cower, comment, compliment (perhaps!) or critique.

I felt so loved at UBF when I talked to or interacted with almost anyone other than my local Pastor.

You had a problem with me and so you made everyone angry at me

I could not talk to you about my problems

you would just get mad and not listen

so I did not talk to you

I could talk to anyone else in the Church

but not the Pastor

And then one day I had to leave because I did not agree with someone spiritually older than you. I suppose it was because I interpreted the Bible about a single passage. They told me I could not disrespect my elders.

I think I know why you would not listen

because you think the older never has to listen to the younger

that is why there is more hope for a fool than you

because you are wiser in your own eyes than everyone younger than you

I wish you had more hope than a fool

I wish we could be friends

I loved my UBF

I felt loved by everyone but the Pastor

Then he told them I must be fixed

But fixing me made me worse

because my Pastor broke me

He taught those below him we should not date

but pray to God

that God will send the right person

I prayed to God and thought I found someone

I did not date like he said

I followed the directions the way I thought he meant

But he did not mean what he said

There was secret knowledge reserved for the elite which I was not yet privy to, because I was not old enough. He really meant UBF has a system by which other people will find you a spouse. If I was told that in the beginning I could have obeyed but I was not considered old enough to know. But how could I have known if you did not tell me?

I obeyed what I was told

I was punished with brokenness

because I did not obey the secret rule

I was not told

because I was not old enough

So really Pastor it is not my fault that our chapter of UBF is at risk of being shut down. It is yours because you have the key to the esoteric knowledge of God’s will and you will not share it with those younger than you. You think they are too young to understand, they are too young to understand what they are not told. But you are too old to understand what you were told not old and senile but proud that you are older than everyone else so you will not listen.

If you just told them how people really get married they would not be angry at you for not telling them until it is too late. If UBF put it on their own website people would not have to read it on slanderous websites. There would be nothing slanderous about it because you would not have deceived them. A man cannot be guilty of the crime of hiding evidence when he put the evidence on the Church website for all to see.

I do not think most ex-members are angry that you arrange marriages so much as that you hide that you arrange marriages and promote it as the only way to please God best. Do not be a lamp hidden in a basket to block the light for if the light that is in you is darkness how dark will that darkness be?

When you will not share your light with the flock because you do not want them to know your secret rules the light that should come out of you is like darkness hidden within you and how dark is that darkness.

Put on the UBF website that you believe in practicing arranged marriage or matchmaking or whatever you want to call it but do not call it marriage by faith without explaining what that really means. If you don’t do this, Pastor it will be your fault when the Church doors are closed because you are spiritually too old to listen to the flock and they are too spiritually young to be told the truth about what you really mean.

People are not kicking Muslims off campus for forbidding dating they say openly it is “against our religion”. But when you keep your rules secret to the young so that the young cannot obey them, when the young have broken hearts because you broke their spirit, they ask a stronger man to break down your Church doors.

I want to cry

because I can see the flock no more

because the Pastor said I was bad

But now I want to cry even more

because the Pastor broke the pen

and scattered the sheep abroad

to be eaten by ravenous wolves

I never asked the University to ban UBF. But people are asking because you do not tell the truth. And there I was loved and felt loved except by you Pastor and I am sad that not only do I lose access to the flock but now they are harmed more because you have banned them from campus against my will.

The closing testimonies at Campus night last Friday were given by Moses Noah, Jim Rabchuk, and Ron Ward. The title on the program was “Campus mission, my family, and my profession.” The slide presented was the above. I was slightly irritated by this slide, since it ignored family and excluded any mention of Christ. And that was also their point.

Moses Noah gave his testimony about how he had been married and sent to pioneer Atlanta by Samuel Lee in about a month. He said as a recently married graduate student who was committed to pioneering he rarely had time for his wife. Later he shared that he struggled as a professional, trying to juggle a family, a ministry, and a demanding job. Because of his commitment to give everything to God and his mission, he failed to give adequate time for his wife. He said that in the last few years he read Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage and learned from Ephesians 5 that married couples present their spouses to the Lord. He said “She is my life long project.” And how after 16 years of marriage they had went on a honey moon to Hawaii with their children where they had wedding photos taken. He said that he had been growing as a husband. He never realized how unkind he had been to his own wife and it grieved him greatly looking back. Additionally he shared that God had been so great to him in profession. He nearly lost his job due to his lack of grants, but suddenly God helped him to gain more grants than he could have asked for.

Jim Rabchuk gave the second testimony. He said he had three main goals in his life. His first goal was to be a missionary to Russia. He said he went to Russia shortly after the end of the Cold War and somehow ended up with a wife. I had heard this story from Mark Yang’s book on Discipleship. But in that version of the story all the blame rested on the woman. Here Dr. Rabchuk says he was not ready to marry and did so hastily on the basis of her appearance (although he used the term “seduced”). He said after 4 years his marriage fell apart along with the dream to be a Russian missionary. He went on to describe that his second goal in his life had been to form a large fellowship in Macomb. I have visited Macomb three times in my life, for IMEA competition. When I asked my mother where all the life went I remember her saying “This is Macomb. No man’s land.” He said he watched as pretty much everyone left his ministry. He learned that his dream would not become a reality, and he had to humble himself. His last goal was to be a part of UBF leadership. He said this presented an enormous strain on his family. He said that one Thanksgiving in the middle of dinner he left for a conference. For readers who are not from the states, in America you are more or less required and expected to see your family on Thanksgiving and at Christmas. Failure to do either can result in extreme breakdown of relations. This aspect of the story is telling. It means he was risking huge conflicts with his family, or his family had long since became jaded and just expected that kind of treatment. After leaving he realized he didn’t have enough money in gas to get to the leadership conference. As he said “I began thinking of many ‘by faith ways’ I could come up with the money. But then I realized that at that moment the most important thing in the universe to me was getting to that conference, and I had left my family to do so.” He said that he returned home so that he could finish dinner with his family. He had been working on making do with what God has given him. His testimony was inspiring to me because it did not ring of false humility but of honest to God truthfulness. It is hard to convey this through an article but you could hear the pain in his voice. He went so far as to state “I turned UBF into an idol.” These sentiments that family something to be taken with world mission, and not at its expense are in contrast to what was written in 2007 about family
“Another challenge is the American dream to live a family-centered life, with no mission from God.“- Kevin Albright, Founders Day report

The last speaker was Ron Ward. I met Ron Ward last year when I attended Ben West’s wedding. I remember telling him that at my wedding I wanted to give people silly string and air horns. He said “That would certainly be interesting.” I was so blessed to hear Ron Ward speak. His smooth voice was like a river chocolate. I thought I was going to be taken away by his baby soft voice. He said that current college students want a real message. In the postmodern world the message is increasingly relative and because of the concreteness of the gospel we have a real chance to reach students. But, he added

“We should be deeply concerned with the actions of our leaders. When we are unkind to each other, students won’t take us seriously. Of course we don’t see violence. I don’t see people fist fight. Instead it’s a kind of cold war- gossiping and thinking ‘this is my sheep, don’t come near my sheep’…we cannot expect them to remain in that environment. They should not remain in that environment.”

Honestly I don’t recall the most of the rest of what he said. When I came back several minutes later he was saying “Jesus is saying ‘They are dying. My children are dying you have to help them.’” But I was so stunned by the previous comment and how unbelievable that sounded to me. It is unbelievable because it seemed directed not at students, but at leaders. That is more or less a compete summary of Campus Night.

A few other things of interest
I caught up to a few different people about the recent open letter to the president of UBF. Nobody had heard of it. But when I briefly explained the letter I was told that the voting is different this time around. This time two people are put on a ballot and a simple majority is required, then they are confirmed with a 2/3 vote. I was told that Dr. Abraham T. Kim did not want to run, but was going to anyways. At the Sunday worship service this was also made clear. There is also works to create a membership category and class. This was taking a longer amount of time than usual for various reasons. In speaking about sexual misconduct and abuse I was told that pastors and missionaries are obligated to call the police.

I experienced a lot of other amazing things and caught up to a lot of great people. I enjoyed my time and hope to visit some other time again. I had one of the best bible studies I have ever had with Dr. Augustine Suh, which I hope to write about soon.

http://www.upworthy.com/a-customer-walked-into-his-pizza-shop-and-changed-philadelphia-with-1-and-a-single-post-it-note

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/10/people-hear-for-first-time-video_n_6646594.html

One was about a man who left his job on wall street to open a pizza shop for $1 a slice.  One customer came in and wanted to buy a slice for anyone who might need help.  So the owner put a post-it on the wall, and the idea spread.  Those who benefitted from this kindness later found jobs and came in to donate a slice of pizza for another person who might come in hungry.

The next video is about technology helping people hear for the first time and seeing their reactions.  If this doesn’t make you cry, I don’t know what will.

For me, this sums up why I decided to give my life to God in UBF.  I always wanted to do something meaningful with my life.  When my heart was forever changed after meeting Jesus through Bible study in UBF, it was obvious where my commitment and devotion should be.

I was born as a child of UBF missionaries, so it may look like a natural default for me to be here.   But I will attest that no child can become a committed member by default.  Children growing up in religion experience a lot of downsides of organized religion.  For me, it was tedious and unreasonable at times, but I felt that people were sincere and that it was good to be devoted to God.  I heard testimonies of changed lives and respected God’s work in them.  I saw my parents making friends with college students, opening our house to them, cooking for them, providing room and board and entertainment, and I respected, even admired them for it.

But there seemed to be no upward trend.  I wanted all the Bible students who had made friends with me to stay and keep growing like a big family, but it wasn’t always possible, and it hurt to see them go, no matter how friendly it was.  But when news of a bitter and angry separation struck, it was almost too hard to bear.  I could not imagine myself following in my parent’s footsteps because it was all too obvious that it was a big waste of time.  I saw the end before I even started.  Even worse, I couldn’t even start because I knew what to say and how to answer the questions.  There was no way I could imagine having the same life-changing experience in Jesus that I had heard so many times from other testimonies.

Eventually, God helped me to be born again as his child and unexpectedly, my life was changed forever.  I heard God’s calling to serve him on American campuses through UBF.

When I watched these two videos recently, I was reminded why I decided to commit myself fully to God in the first place.  The first video was about following your dream to do good for others.  Even though it requires an initial sacrifice you persevere with the hope that the love you show others will not be in vain.  One day, that person will show love the way they were loved and everyone can rejoice together.   It’s living selflessly to pay it forward through another life or even another generation.

The second video reminded me that I decided to give my life to share the gospel so that people could see God’s grace and hear God’s voice of love for the first time.  To use my time and talents to this end would not be easy, but it would be worth it to celebrate together at the end.

But as I grew older, I realized that people were not rejoicing together.  People were showing favor for a while, and then applying the pressure.  When a person could not handle it anymore, or accept the vision for themselves, they would leave, sometimes quietly, and sometimes not so quietly.  More fundamentally, people in the same chapter could not respect each other and get along.  And families who had sincerely accepted the same vision and decided to join in the struggle together were leaving, angry, broken and hurt.  Whatever the reason, I believe that this is not the end that God wants for us.  We emphasize the importance of one person before God.  If one person who joins is important, than one person who leaves should make us stop and examine ourselves to make sure we are right before God.

At the root of it, it’s painful to realize that the road we started on has more failures than successes, more hurt than love.  It’s painful to realize that people that we trusted are susceptible to the same sins and temptations as everyone else.  But if we are confident that we are right before God, that God is leading us, and the end will outweigh all the trouble, we can persevere.  It’s just that I think we are losing that confidence.

For the past 15 years, I have focused on building my own relationship with God, denying myself, not blaming others, giving thanks, accepting God’s sovereignty, and doing my best before God.  Wherever I could be helpful, I tried to help and serve.  Whenever I saw a need, I did my best to show God’s love.  In every trial and difficulty, I accepted it as God’s love and discipline, overcoming bitterness and hurt and thanking God for his love for me.  But the biggest breakthrough came when I learned to be honest about my real thoughts, desires and heart before God at every stage of my life.

There’s a tendency to portray the initial conversion as the answer to all life’s problems and then it’s happily ever after.  But no matter how wonderful it was to be born again into God’s kingdom through the blood of Jesus, and no matter how much that change spurred me into action for Jesus, I realized that one defining moment cannot last an entire lifetime.

A person may initially experience victory over some sin or over some area in their life, but if the root is deep, it will resurface again.  We continually face new challenges and new problems as we enter different stages of life.  What worked for me before will not work again in another situation.  What worked for me in the past will not work for another person.  Every moment, every person, has to be prayerfully guided and led by God’s own hand.  There is no magic formula. We need to be able to examine ourselves honestly before God and find individual answers from God’s words.  We also need examples from our seniors and from our community to learn how they are struggling with new issues in their lives, and how they are bringing them to God to find the answers.  We need people who can hold us up and wait patiently while we work through our issues.

Hiding the problem is not the answer.  Bringing them to the light of God’s love and grace is the way to find personal healing, set a good example, and restore the community.  It may be painful, it may be messy.  But when this happens, no one has to feel embarrassed or say, “Don’t read ubfriends.”   We can be open and honest and point to how our leaders are also making honest efforts.  I can follow their example and also continue with God’s calling in my life in clear conscience before God.

Practically, an independent advisory consisting of neutral people who we trust and who respect our ministry, can be a good place to start.  We should first try to resolve problems among ourselves, but when we cannot, both sides can give their story to an objective third party.  Alternatively, a board from a neighboring chapter with both Koreans and natives can serve as an objective third party and listen to both sides.  We can have new respect for each other and show kindness and even love.

I also wonder about the need for a general director.  Every country has its own flavor and should be allowed to develop independently and creatively.  Presently, UBF USA is hindered from addressing concerns of Americans because other directors from another country are afraid that the original spirit of UBF will be distorted.  Also, since Chicago is the International Headquarters for UBF, there are more eyes on Chicago leaders.  I believe Abraham T. Kim is caught between a rock and a hard place.  But if Chicago was no longer international headquarters but just another chapter, or headquarters only for North America, there might be greater flexibility.  At the most, I only see the need of continental directors, who oversee the spiritual needs of their continent, who meet together to discuss international matters, and participate in retreats for their own spiritual needs.

Jack Frost’s Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship might also address the heart of our interpersonal relationship problems, not just Korean and American but also Korean-Korean, American-American, and all over the world.  Our self-reliance, insecurity, sense of duty, rivalry, accusations, etc. may be stemming from the possibility that we have not fully embraced our identity as God’s sons and daughters and still remain as orphans without a real father or home.

Thursday

I arrived late Thursday and had a very long talk with one of the students from the Hyde Park chapter. He asked how things had been. Honestly the messages in my chapter have greatly changed in the last year. I really see that God has worked on my pastor. He no longer adds world mission into places where I do not feel it is obvious. Our relationship is better these days, and he understands that our relationship is very different. I try to understand him more, and I try to communicate more with him. The student was glad to hear. We talked a lot and I got to sleep very late. I had requested to have bible study with the chapter leader the next morning so I was very tired by the time I awoke. He asked me to read the book of Ephesians and give a brief outline.

Friday

I brought my outline to the bible study. I outlined the book as such:

• Blessings of the Spirit
• Who Christ is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
• Who Paul is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
What the Church is and its role in God’s redemptive plan.
• How the church ought to act to carry out that plan and how its members should act to help carry out that plan.
• A call to persevere against Satan.

He showed me his outline which was much more detailed. We talked about how the church should proclaim the kingdom. And he taught me how the church should shepherd God’s people, but the context of John 10 needed to be carefully understood. He said that UBF has been given shepherds. I mentioned that while the sacrificial nature of UBF shepherds and their great love for their students was its strength sometimes it was had been over stepped. He corrected me “Many times.” He mentioned that shepherds proclaim the kingdom. It was a very good bible study. Later that day I went to campus night.

Campus Night

People were totally bewildered to see me. I think in large part because I was unaccompanied by my “shepherd”. I suppose it is also surprising to see someone travel such a long way when they are really obligated in any way. It didn’t escape my notice that Yvonne Lee stared for a long time. I eventually moved to the back and when I saw Dr. Augustine he was shocked to see me.

Later Dr. John Lee from Springfield joined. The first speaker was Jacob Lee. I remember he was funny. At one point he said “I was not good enough to called Abraham so they named me Jacob which means deceiver. But I came to like the name since he had 12 sons.” I was put off by his talk. The powerpoint read “Why UBF should remain in world mission.” I didn’t believe this was a point of debate, and furthermore his answer amounted to- because UBF always has. Just because something has always been done one way does not mean it has to. But eventually he made his point. He presented from Stephan Lutz book calling campus mission strategic. I won’t go into details but he gives an outline from that book.

Mark V was the next speaker. His talk was on the history of campus mission movements. Mark V spoke incredibly fast. I was having a hard time keeping up with him. He also had a pained look on his face. I later found out he was in extreme back pain, and I suspect he was trying to get through it as fast as possible. What really struck me about his presentation was that campus mission movements grew out of YMCAs and the student volunteer movement in the mid 19th century. That explains a lot. American imperialism and a drive to evangelize the world have often went hand in hand (along with all their problems too). And here we see it.

It was remarkable how so many of the ideas of the founders of the campus movement are so similar to the ideas that Samuel Lee would later speak of. Hearing these ideas from someone who doesn’t have the history of Samuel Lee gave them more of an air of legitimacy. The frequent quotes from the founders of the student volunteer movement and its role as a parachurch were very helpful for me to understand the core foundational ideas behind UBF and its relation to Christian doctrine and why at times this has been a weak point in campus mission movements.

Kevin Albright went on to give a survey of Intervarsity. He mentioned that they do a lot of the same things as UBF. They do inductive bible study for instance. He also mentioned that many people in their organization were not encouraged at times, and the author of the book he read on Intervarsity regrets that they were not given more help. One thing he mentioned that struck me was that Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) was more for new converts and Intervarsity was more for discipleship.

Here he meant “discipleship” as “become a more mature Christian”. But for me I have always understood discipleship as growing in Christ in whatever capacity the Holy Spirit moved you. For me I have been taught that a Christian is a disciple and a disciple is a Christian (Acts 11:26, Ephesians 2:19-22). So for me telling me someone is not a disciple is the same as saying they are not Christian. But one can be a Christian and not mature. Although it is dangerous to judge or label, a goal of maturing Christians is a noble one at the very least (this makes no mention of the methods however). To call UBF a “discipleship ministry” has always been redundant to me.

In the next article I will talk about the last few speakers. I was more than a little surprised (and inspired) by their testimonies. I also caught up to someone on Joe Schafer’s recent letter, so I will include that next time too.

For example, I grew up Catholic. Why did we feel like priests were on a pedestal? What if we noticed and realized then that a child somewhere had been molested? Probably we could have exposed the problem and helped avoid countless other children being molested. Probably countless donations would not have later been lost in lawsuits.

My dad was a plumber so I learned about water heaters and such growing up. The gas company these days has a zero tolerance policy for leaks. If you report a leak, or a periodic inspection detects one, the line will be shut off until repaired. The repairs will need to be done by you if inside your house or the gas company if outside your house. But it wasn’t always so. Over the years I had occasionally heard in the news about a house somewhere that blew up from an unrepaired leak.

What about UBF “works” and glory-seeking mentality? To be fair, what about some other denomination’s health and wealth mentality? If reform efforts had been accepted in 1976 or 1989 or 2001, how many troubles and travesties could have been avoided? Is it not the “perfect social and emotional storm” when sincere young people, who are searching for meaning and purpose in life, encounter the extremes of religion? Some are drowned in a sea of anxiety or despair. Others float a while but lose confidence and direction, thereby succumbing to worldly problems. Lucky few overcome to search and be set free by the Holy Spirit of Life.

Decades ago probably was not too early. Decades more is certainly unjustifiable, if not intolerable. NOW is here behooving us to make the most of it.

Can we afford socially, emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually, not to act today? Today is the day.

Oh, my, how the times have changed; so much has happened since then.

Be forewarned: this installment will be different.

And rejoice, for today is your lucky day! You are the winner of Wonka’s Golden Ticket. Reach out your hand. With this V.I.P. pass, we’ll descend into belly of the beast, to the inner sanctum, that secretive world of UBF leadership that has never before seen the light of day.

And this time, I will be naming names. Yes, today you will hear things that I have not yet shared with anyone, except for my wife and perhaps our dog.

Why am I doing this? Because I want to. And because I read an inspiring message from Washington UBF. This part of the message stuck in my heart.

How should we carry out this ministry? Look at verse 2. “Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.” The gospel ministry is not like the worldly business or political campaign. It is a non-profit ministry. There should be no shameful secret agenda, no distortion, and no deception. Honesty, transparency, purity, and straight talk are the backbone of the gospel ministry.

I couldn’t agree more. Nothing promotes the gospel like honesty, transparency, purity and straight talk. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

‘Twas the middle of November, the week before Thanksgiving. From my perspective, morale in had fallen to be at an all time low, but the leaders didn’t seem to have a clue. What concerned me most was the lack of communication.  In private, a few leaders were becoming a wee bit honest, dropping some lines that sounded sincere. But no one had a grip on what I saw happening all around. Paul Hong was cheerfully chirping about his chapter, with that fancy new building and all. But I knew from firsthand reports that not all was well in Toledo, and dark clouds were looming on the horizon. Jacob Lee was crowing about all that love they were feeling in Washington, how he was so buddy-buddy with the younger generation. But Sharon and I had been to the Harvest Festival a few weeks earlier. We had seen for ourselves how the young people in the audience (virtually all second gens, almost no natives in sight) were rolling their eyes. Many had snuck out of the lectures because they were bored or offended. The title of that Harvest Festival was “Empowering the Next Generation,” but the ones who enjoyed it were the oldest Korean missionaries. The program was designed to tell the elders’ stories, to affirm their values and life-choices. But once again, a report had gone up on the UBF website telling how wonderful that Harvest Festival was, how the next generation had been empowered and accepted their mission and true identity. In most of the chapters that I knew well, members couldn’t be honest with their leaders; there was no safe space for people to express what they truly thought and felt. Leaders and members who saw each other daily had entirely different perceptions of reality, as if they were living in parallel universes.

On my own, I had decided to contact more than fifty UBF members whom I believed I could trust. I had collected their answers to five open-ended questions about the state and trajectory of UBF. I synthesized my findings in this report. That project occupied two weeks of my life. I worked day and night to finish it quickly, because I wanted the report in the hands of UBF leaders before a senior staff retreat. Sharon can testify how hard I worked, even when it was probably a stupid thing to do at a time when I should have been taking care of my health, my career, my finances and my family.

Dear everyone: You can say whatever you like about why I did this. Call me proud, foolish, inexperienced, know-it-all, untrained, too big for my britches, full of typical Ivy League mentality, blah blah blah. Whatever negatives you may say about me, I can give you more. All of those things are absolutely true. Yes, I am the proudest of sinners. But with God as my witness, I say this to you now.

To the leaders of UBF: When I put together this report, I did it on my own time, of my own initiative, without getting paid, knowing that it would probably land me in trouble, yet I did it anyway because I loved you and because I cared about the future of our ministry. I did it because I imagined that, as pastors, you just might be interested in how you were perceived by your flock.

To the Americans who were/are in UBF: When I put together this report, I also did it for you, because I am one of you. I did it because I loved you and because I cared about the future of our ministry. I did it because I hoped that someday you would be allowed to become who you really are, the people that God created you to be, American disciples who live in the American context, free to break out of the hyper-Korean evangelical mold into which you had been so awkwardly forced.

To all  the Korean-American second-gens: When I put together this report, I also did it for you. I was not one of you, but I loved you. I hoped to convey to your parents and your leaders some of the things that you wanted to express but could not say directly. I did it because I hoped that UBF could really become a unique multicultural community where the work of the Holy Spirit had broken down boundaries,  where unity in diversity was not some farfetched goal but our daily common experience.

On that snowy day in November 2010, I drove up to Camp Wonderland, Wisconsin to attend the senior staff retreat. I had emailed my report to the senior staff members two days earlier, but had not yet received any replies. I shared a ride with a member of the senior staff, and the conversation was fascinating. He was frustrated with the way UBF had been going, sick and tired of all the power plays, petty politics, all the people who couldn’t be trusted. In that car, he opened up and shared two stories that I had never heard before.

The first story was about all the political maneuvering that took place during the first reform movement in America (1989-92). He said that Samuel Lee had come within a hair’s breadth of being ousted. At one point, even Paul Hong and Sarah Barry knew that Lee was out of control, and they tentatively agreed to side with the reformers. But when this man  decided to stand with Lee, the tide turned back and some would-be reformers flipped. Paul Hong read the writing on the wall; he flipped back to support Lee, and was rewarded for his loyalty by being appointed director of Toledo after James Kim was forced out.

The second story he told was of his experiences with Samuel Lee. A member of this man’s chapter claimed that his Sunday messages were almost as good as the messages of Lee. When Lee heard about this, he became very upset. He demanded to see copies of this man’s Sunday messages. Those copies were returned to him, with every paragraph marked up with red ink, and the man was forced to make hundreds of corrections under the guise of “improving his English.” Those corrections were completely unnecessary, because the manuscripts had already been checked and edited by an English major from that chapter. Even worse, this man was ordered to come to the Chicago center for message training every Monday. Those trips were very costly, taxing his health, his finances, his family and his ministry. He said that those trips almost killed him. But for some reason, he decided to do it anyway. Finally, he spoke of one American shepherd who stood at Samuel Lee’s side in Chicago, supervising and carrying out this abusive training. Years later, he asked that American shepherd, “Why did you do that to me? Didn’t your conscience bother you?” The American said nothing; he shrugged his shoulders and smiled. That American is still in a place of leadership and, as far as I know, has no intention of ever allowing these issues of abuse to be freely discussed or admitted.

As he told these tales, I was taken aback. The stories themselves were not surprising; I had seen the harsh training since I first came to UBF, and I vaguely knew of the political wrangling in the late 80’s and early 90’s which ousted some chapter directors. What surprised me was his willingness to tell me straight up.  As I listened to the stories, I began to wonder: Are we on the verge of something? Are we reaching a tipping point where leaders will finally open their mouths and speak of those dark things that must never be spoken?

If anyone is interested in finding out what happened during the reform movement of 1989-92, I suggest you go and visit this man. Take him out to dinner, order a bottle of wine, and he just might be willing to tell you everything. Five years ago, he couldn’t care less about the reputation of UBF, and as far as I know, that hasn’t changed.

My memories of that Wisconsin retreat are a bit hazy, but I will share what I can recall.

When I saw the schedule for the retreat, I became upset, because it was not going to be a retreat at all. Little time had been set aside for open group discussion. The program was filled with Bible study, business items and committee reports. Still I hoped and prayed that our time would be productive.

The group Bible study was led by Sarah Barry, and the passage was from 2 Chronicles 20. The people of Judah were facing a national crisis. A vast, three-nation army approached from the desert, ready to attack at any moment. King Jehoshaphat had no idea what to do. He called a national assembly, and standing there before the men, women and children of Judah, he cried out to the Lord: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

As we studied this passage, I was stunned. Kings are not accustomed to showing ignorance or weakness. Even if they have no clue what they are doing, they want to project an air of strength and confidence, so that their followers stay with them and do not lose heart. Indeed, that was the leadership stance I was given by UBF: remain strong, keep choongshim, never stop marching, and when you are clueless, pretend that everything is going according to plan. That’s what I thought it meant to “have faith.” But in this passage, the top leader made himself vulnerable. He became a sitting duck, an easy target for a political or military coup. But when he stood in vulnerability before his nation, and together they all cried out to God, the Lord’s answer came through a prophet, and their deliverance that day was truly miraculous.

I found this passage so appropriate, the perfect metaphor for what was happening in UBF. Problems were mounting, morale was low, strength had run out, and the leaders had no clue. During that Bible study, I remember asking two questions.

My first question was, “What would it look like for the leaders of a Christian organization to actually do what Jehoshaphat did? What if we admitted to ourselves and our members that we have no good plans or answers for our problems? What if we all stood together helplessly before the Lord with our eyes firmly fixed on him, so that we might be open to his answers and his deliverance?”

When I asked that question, the room became still. I waited and got no response.

My second question came a bit later, and it was something like this. “One of the big items on our agenda is to decide what to do at the national staff conference three months from now. As of today, none of us has a plan. There are some big problems in our ministry. Our chapter directors are tired, morale is low, and many of you have been saying that we are burned out. I hope you all read that report I sent to you. Those issues are real; I didn’t make them up. Is it an accident that we are studying this passage today? Or might God be speaking to us through his word, asking us to do something courageous that we have never done before – to openly admit to our chapter directors that have no answers, and to stand together with them as equals before the Lord, repenting together and seeking direction and help from God alone?”

Once again, the room was silent. I knew that my question would make some uncomfortable, but I never imagined they wouldn’t even acknowledge the question.

The Bible study moved on.

That moment was for me a real eye opener. For a long time, I had known that UBF leaders were deeply flawed. But even in the worst of times, I had always sensed in them a stance of openness toward Scripture, a desire to treat the Bible as the word of God being spoken to them, and a willingness to obey what they were hearing. But at that moment, I felt a strange physical sensation. It was as though we had suddenly swung around on a hinge. Instead of looking into the face of God intending to do what he was asking, we now seemed turned away with our backs to the Lord, ignoring his voice and deliberately walking away. That was a feeling that I will never forget. It’s a feeling that I never want to feel again.

Little time was reserved for open discussion. At one point, we were able to talk for maybe an hour or so. I have a few memories of what went on. I remember Jim Rabchuk telling the story of how he had gotten burned out. The demands that UBF had placed on him (and many related demands that he had placed on himself) became overwhelming, and he was learning the necessity of saying “No.”

Jim also began to talk about some of the problems in his ministry.

As he was talking, he was interrupted by Jacob Lee. Jacob said (my paraphrase, but I believe it is accurate): “We can’t keep talking about all these problems. Of course, there are problems, we always have problems. We talk and talk and talk and there is never any solution. We cannot solve all our problems. We must move on from these problems and do the work of God.”

Jim got visibly upset. He shot back, “Missionary Jacob, that is ridiculous!”

I had never seen an American openly confront an older missionary like that, certainly not in the presence of other leaders. I was shocked, and yet I felt strangely comforted. “Good for him,” I thought. “Good. for. him.”

And James H. Kim made a passionate speech about spiritual disciplines. He had begun to read Peter Scazzero’s books on spiritual formation, and was learning the importance of contemplative prayer. He said (again a paraphrase): “Our American staff shepherds are all burned out. They have no time to think, no time to recharge. They are just doing, doing, doing every day like machines. That is not a Christian life. That is not the way to be a leader. Leaders must reflect, must stay in the presence of God. Leaders should meditate with times of deep contemplation!”

I was ready to stand up and applaud.

John Jun didn’t like what he was hearing. He yelled, “Time over! Time over! Time for lunch!”

Then James H. Kim shouted over him: “Each one of our staff shepherds MUST spend THREE HOURS EVERY DAY in quiet study and contemplation!”

My heart sank like a stone. That was the last thing our burned-out staff needed to hear. Three hours a day? I couldn’t contain myself, so I blurted: “Missionary James, you said ‘three hours a day.’ Is that instead of some things they are currently doing, or in addition to everything they already do?”

The discussion was over. It was time for lunch.

Here are a few more things I remember from that staff retreat.

After that exchange with James H. Kim, John Jun started to clamp down. At our next meeting, he brought out a call bell, one of those metal contraptions you see on the front desk of a hotel. When he thought someone was talking too much – which was after about 60 or 90 seconds – he would ring the bell and say, “Time over! Time over!” As he did this, some of the missionaries laughed. To me, this was not a laughing matter. We desperately needed to get real about things that truly mattered, and I didn’t care how long it took. But the funny thing is, at that time I didn’t get upset about the bell. I had lived in UBF-land so long that I was accustomed to that kind of treatment. Months later, when I told some friends what John Jun had done, their jaws dropped. They couldn’t believe that the leader of a Christian organization would do that in a room full of adults, shutting people up by ringing a bell. In retrospect, I see that this was outrageous. But at the time, it felt almost normal.

The so-called retreat shifted into all-business mode. Ron Ward discussed plans for a new CME (Continuing Missionary Education) institute. That 30-minute presentation was the longest three hours of my life. It droned on and on and on. Then Jacob Lee laid out his vision for a UBF school  for the education of children, teaching them all subjects (reading, writing, math, etc.) from a standpoint of mission, so that we could pass on UBF core values to the next generation. Of course, we all knew what was really happening: these leaders were angling for pots of money from the UBF treasury to fund their pet projects. To say we were bored would be an understatement. The next item was conference planning. Mark Vucekovich talked about the 2013 International Summer Bible Conference, and it was decided that we would hold it at IUP. When Mark asked questions, he got essentially no response. My strength had been sapped, and I sensed that others were feeling the same way. (Later, some confirmed to me that, yes, they were bored out of their skulls.)

The last major item on the agenda was the North American Staff Conference to be held three months later. No plans had made, no theme was proposed. I spoke up and said something like this: “In light of what we learned from our group Bible study, why don’t we do what Jehoshaphat did, admitting that we really don’t know what we are doing, and stand together in prayer before the Lord to seek help and renewal for our ministry.”

My suggestion wasn’t acknowledged. They fidgeted for a brief moment and then moved on.

After hearing complaints that we needed to talk, John Jun made a small concession. He allowed everyone in the room to speak in turn, saying whatever was on their minds, within a limit of two minutes. Thankfully, he did not ring his bell. I cannot recall anyone’s remarks, except for the elder Daniel Yang, who said something like this: “My main concern is that we have no spirit. In the old days we had great spirit, because we used to study the Bible every day, 365 days a year, on Christmas, on New Year, no exception. It is my opinion that we must go back to intensive Bible study 365 days a year, so that our spirit may be revived. You might think differently, but that is my opinion.”

When my turn came, this is what I said. This is an exact quote. I wrote it down so I wouldn’t stumble over my words, and I saved it on my computer.

As I reflect back upon my life, I see five people who helped to shape my Christian faith. First, my mother, who raised me and my twelve siblings by faith in God alone. Second, a Catholic priest who befriended me and prayed for me during my freshman year at MIT; it was through his influence that I read a Christian book and committed my life to Christ. Third, Mother Barry, from whom I learned to respect and interact with Scripture. Fourth, John Armstrong, whose writings deeply challenged my sectarianism and opened my mind and heart to interact with the Body of Christ beyond UBF. Fifth, my wife, who has taught me countless things that other people could not; through her I am experiencing the love of God in new and wonderful ways.

Please forgive me, but I cannot identify Dr. Lee as my spiritual father, nor can I see myself as the fruit of UBF. I have drawn much spiritual nourishment from UBF, but I would not be the person I am today without those other influences. This is why I will never be just a UBF man, and why I cannot get excited about dedicating the rest of my life to promoting UBF-specific values. To do so would deny my roots and my heritage.

In feeling this way, I am not alone. America was a Christian nation long before UBF missionaries arrived, and a “typical” North American person in UBF will have significant spiritual influences in his or her life outside of UBF. To strongly press the principles of UBF upon us, to force us to claim that as our spiritual heritage, is to divide us from ourselves and from one another.

On the last day of the retreat, three senior staff members excused themselves and left early, saying that they needed to get to the airport. Later I learned that at least one of them deliberately changed to an earlier flight, because he concluded the retreat was a waste of time.

And now, we turn to the question that prompted this article.

What happened after I wrote that report?

Brian guessed this:

I suppose the ubf echelon kicked you out of the Well, and marginalized you in various ways…but I will let you tell the story.

Yes, that did happen eventually, but those events unfolded over a couple of years.

Ben said this:

My short guess is that you were called aside, basically reprimanded, told to “keep you place,” “mind your own business,” and basically asked, “who the heck do you think you are?” Well, probably not in those exact words.

Something like that sort of happened. At the beginning of the retreat, John Jun was not aware of my report. The guy who managed his email hadn’t told him about it. At the retreat, someone urged Jun to look at my report, and that first night, he did. The next day, just as we were heading to lunch, he poked me on the arm and said, “A leader should be humble! A leader should be humble!”

I took one step backward so that he could no longer touch me, looked him in the eye and said, “A leader should be honest.”

He replied, “Okay,” and then we went to lunch.

Reactions from the senior staff were muted. A couple of them said, “Thank you for your report,” and that was it. During the next week, I got feedback from a few more.

Brian’s and Ben’s answers aren’t wrong, but no one nailed it.

The answer to “What happened?” is so predictable, so typical of happenings in UBF-land, that when you hear it, you’ll slap yourself and say, “Duh!”

So obvious that it’s invisible, like that nose in front of your face.

This is what happened after that report.

(Drum roll, please.)

Joe Schafer humbled himself.

That’s right. I did exactly as UBF trained me to do. I sucked it up. I decided that once again, I needed to trust my leaders, believing that they would do what was right in God’s time. So I decided to pray and wait some more. I would lie low, not make waves, and keep following the leaders to God-knows-where.

And I urged everyone else to do the same.

After getting survey responses  from dozens of members, I feared that hopes were building that change would be imminent. I knew that nothing would happen for some time, so I wrote a letter and emailed it to everyone who had answered my survey. My key verse for the letter was Ephesians 4:3:

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

I did not ask anyone to keep quiet. I asked them to approach their leaders humbly and prayerfully, not with a spirit of division or complaint, but in a manner that was gentle and constructive, realizing that people from different generations and cultures will see things differently.

If you don’t believe that I actually did this, see for yourself. The letter is right here.

If you hear anyone say that I stirred up trouble, print a copy of this letter and place it in their hands.

As I waited for UBF leaders to do something about these issues, I didn’t sit down and do nothing (as several know-nothings have suggested). In the months ahead, I continued to study the Bible and preach Sunday messages. I prayed for our ministry, especially for those who were unhappy. We entertained UBF guests at our home, including Paul and Sarah Hong, who stayed with us overnight. I wrote dozens of positive articles for UBFriends, monitoring the website day and night to interact with everyone who cared to comment. I read dozens of books on various topics, especially the theology of mission.

And Sharon and I enrolled in John Armstrong’s first cohort on missional ecumenism. At a time when we really could not afford it, we paid from our own family budget (not with ministry funds) the full registration fees for the year-long course, for all the books, and for round-trip travel and accommodation in Chicago. We didn’t do this to become know-it-alls. We did it because we needed to understand what Christian unity is about. We were longing for someone, anyone, to please teach us how to relate to other Christians in our community. Most of all, we desperately wanted to know what the gospel required us to do in response to our fellow believers in UBF who, as the weeks and months went by, seemed ever more distant and different from us.

And with that, dear brothers and sisters, I bid you do widzenia.

P.S. – Some of you might say that I’ve gone too far, that it was unethical and unChristian to reveal what happened at that retreat. If so, I suggest that you lodge a complaint with Washington UBF.  Then please note that, during the many years that I served on the senior staff, no one ever suggested to me that the proceedings were to be kept secret.  In fact, at that Wisconsin retreat, I specifically recall some of the members (I could be wrong, but I think it was Henry Park and perhaps Paul Hong) saying that they are completely open and transparent about these things, and when they return home after a senior staff meeting, they meet with their members and inform them of what happened. And no one never said I should spin the events to make UBF leaders look better than they are. So I have done precisely what they said, explaining what happened as I experienced it.

If you were there and would like to tell it from a different perspective, send us your article, and we’ll publish it right away.

A Duty to Pray for hurting parts of the Body

1 Corinthians 12 has been a huge part of my recovery from pain suffered while in the body of Christ. Paul’s words in chapter 12 came to mind again this week as I heard about some horrible abuses going on in a ubf chapter. We are one body in Christ. This sentence stands out to me: “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored,all rejoice together.” 1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV

If one chapter of a church is hurting, should not the entire church care about it? Should not we who are members of the Body pray for hurting people in the Body? This week, New York UBF is hurting. Please pray for them.

A Courageous Blog Post about Light

I recently pointed readers to a blog series that began expressing the pain and exposing the abuse at New York ubf. Here is that link. Like me in Toledo ubf, my friends in New York left the ministry and decided to “blog out” their pain and difficulties. The link is now gone.

Threats and More Pain

The chapter leaders at New York ubf have been pressuring my friends to shut down this ubfriends website. When the abuses came to light, my friends were additionally threatened with vague scare tactics such as “watch your family members lives” and other threats meant to instill fear and to silence their words. My friend removed his blog posts due to these threats.

Please pray for these friends and the New York UBF chapter. This incident exemplifies the “apologize for what” very well. I hope you can see that far more than an apology is needed. Repentance is required.

Oh and to any ubf leader who wants to make threats, make them to me. In the infamous words of Ben Toh, I can only say “Go ahead. Make my day.”

Last time I had an argument with my wife, I was confident I was right and she was wrong. I had been wrong many times before. But I was sure this time I was right. And I felt I had right to raise my voice and correct her. Unfortunately, she did not think so and went to the bedroom and closed the door behind her and lied down and did not speak for a long time. I remained upset for sometime but then began to feel sorry for her and went to her and said, “I am sorry.” This type of incident has repeatedly happened for the last 33 years of our marriage. I am thankful that God has always given me strength and sense that I was able to say, “I am sorry” each time. It has always been I who said first, “I am sorry.” I have never demanded or wanted her to say, “I am sorry.” Just one time in our long 33 years of marriage, she actually said to me, “I am sorry.” I felt so sorry that she had to say that. I told her, “This will be the last time you ever say to me, ‘I am sorry.’

It is God’s grace to me that he has always given me strength to say, “I am sorry” first and not demand my wife to say, “I am sorry” to me. I am not sure how it began. It probably has something to do with the fact sometime in our marriage I began to have a keen sense how terrible I was as a husband and father and it often brought me to tears. I was only twenty four when I married my wife. I was really only a boy when I married her. And I had very few social skills. I was awkward. I never cared to understand others’ feelings especially women’s. I had four brothers and no sisters. I had a very few friends, if any, and definitely no girlfriends (It’s not that I never tried to get one but I was never successful.) until our marriage. I made numerous senseless mistakes as a husband. At the beginning of my missionary life I worked so zealously and sometimes worked at the UBF center until very late, 3 or 4 am in the morning. I remember more than once I did not carry my apartment key but rang the bell and woke up my wife to open the door for me (I don’t recollect how long and often I continued doing this terrible thing). As it was, my wife was already suffering from a lack of sleep because our first child wouldn’t sleep during the night and she had to go to work as a nurse 7am in the morning. There is a long list of incidents that show how terrible I was as a husband. And I won’t list them all. But my point is that I was a bad husband and by God’s grace I realized it. And since then it became natural I first say, “I am sorry.” I believe this one thing—saying first, “I am sorry,” has helped our marriage.

Somehow I believe the gospel of Jesus’ cross has something to do with ability to say, “I am sorry.” The cross of Jesus enables us to say, “God, I am sorry. I was wrong.” It’s not only that we say to God, “I am sorry.” Recently it occurred to me that when God sent his Son to die on the cross he might be in a sense saying to us, “I am sorry.” “My child, I am sorry you suffer in your sins.” “I am sorry you are addicted to that bad habit. You suffer too much.” I am not sure if this makes sense. But this thought gave me freedom and peace in my heart. I see a church member and she is not doing too well spiritually. I cannot do too much for her. I think to myself, “Young lady, you are suffering in your situation. I am sorry I am very limited in what I can do for you.” I can feel guilty about my inadequacy. But I can be still connected to her because I put the cross of Jesus between her and me. I walk down the street in my economically depressed neighborhood. There are so many problems in this neighborhood and the university I am ministering to. I feel so inadequate in ministering to people here. “O God, I am so weak and ineffective in reaching out to them with the gospel and with any help they need.” Only the cross of Jesus comforts me in my sense of inadequacy. Through the cross of Jesus I am still connected to these people for whom I am not doing too much at present.

At my UBF chapter we don’t have a cross hanging on any wall. Once I thought about putting up a beautiful cross on the front wall of the sanctuary. But having a cross on the wall won’t really help us much unless we as a church really live a life that reflects the cross of Jesus. “O God, we as a church are not doing too well. We are not doing well to the university students or the needy people in our neighborhood. Yet they are not strangers to us. We don’t hope that they will see us as indifferent strangers. The only thing connects between them and us is the cross of Jesus.” We don’t have a cross of Jesus hanging on a wall in our church. But we really have to live a life that reflects the cross of Jesus.

God has given me grace to have sense to say to my wife, “I am sorry,” whenever I realized that I made her sad or difficult in any ways. That has helped our marriage. How much more a church the body of Christ should say to one of our members, “We are sorry,” if we offended her or him in any way. They are the brides of Christ, whom he purchased with His precious blood. I am sad and heartbroken to offend my bride. How much more we should be if we offended the brides of Christ. Have we UBF offended or abused any of our members spiritually for the last 50 years of history? Are there signs that we have done? If there are, we as church must be ready to say, “We are sorry” and offer sincere apology to those who have been affected and find ways to rectify our mistakes and wrongdoings.

The thought is merely this: thank you. Thank you ubf and my shepherds for the following three things. Your ministry needs big-time help, to be sure, and my recovery from undue religious influence is not over. But I have reached the point where I can say thank you and leave it at that.

15,000+ hours

I deeply appreciate the time spent reading, discussing and sharing about the bible. That is not a lifestyle for everyone, but I enjoyed that aspect.

A suitable helper

I do not condone faith-arranged-marriage, and have much work to do now that my wife and I realized we are actually married after 20 years, but I do highly appreciate the suitable helper teaching from Genesis. This is a correct exegesis of those passages as far as I am concerned.

Being there in tragedy

My father’s passing away in 1989 was tragic. I am glad many people at ubf were there for me.

Grace and peace,
BrianK.

As I was saying then. When I was asked by Dr. Ben Toh if I wanted to maybe marry someone from the Philippines I was so eager to marry I just said yes. After all that was my main goal all along for being in UBF.

Actually…that’s the story I had told to me sometime later, and I am sure is not an isolated bit of gossip. It is very far from the truth, but what they say about me makes little difference. Such a story is deeply hurting to me as it denies that I struggled so hard against the very accusation. Truth is, as they say- not something you could have guessed. My goal will not to defend any of those stories beyond giving a demonstrative account and letting the audience decide for itself. So then…

When I was asked by Dr. Ben Toh if I wanted to maybe marry someone from the Philippines I told him no. More specifically I said I didn’t want to marry and even if I wanted to go to the Philippines I didn’t have money to go there. While the question was tactfully asked, I had been fighting against marriage by faith for so long I wasn’t about to be taken in by someone whom I barely knew. I was well aware of Dr. Ben’s previous “shepherd” life and I was unsure of what and how he viewed marriage by faith. I had read that many shepherds gain prestige or even glory from marrying native leaders, so if Dr. Ben had not changed, I then expected him to try to convince me. If Dr. Ben was like the others, I reasoned he would pay for me to go there or at least say that there are happily married Americans in UBF to Filipinas, or maybe even something about how Filipinos were not like Koreans. To my surprise he didn’t do any of that. In fact his response was further proof that he had changed from his old days of telling people to threaten divorce to keep them in UBF. He said that it wouldn’t be marriage, that you could just meet someone and date her or whatever. There was no commitment to him, no promise of anything. Furthermore, he said since I didn’t have enough money he could just pass my email along and we would pray. No heavy handed deception, no mention of Genesis 24. It didn’t seem uncommon from something I would tell a good friend if he was looking for someone to date.

Then something remarkable happened. I had met someone from the Philippines UBF on Facebook. She was one of the student leaders in the Philippines. She invited me for Easter, with no knowledge of the prior conversation with Dr. Ben. Again, I thanked her but told her that I didn’t have money. Then that week I received a rather large income tax return. Apparently my mother had failed to claim me as a depended (she could have and I expected her to) which made my tax return exactly enough for a plane flight for Easter. But still problems existed. I did not have enough time off to make such a trip, but as God would have it I discovered I had more time that I thought, additionally I had Good Friday off school, and moreover I would lose all my time off at the end of April. That meant I had to use it sometime in April. But even then I had promised my pastor that I would go with him to Europe for the conference in the fall. That Friday he asked me if I was still going, I said yes and asked the price of the plane ticket. To my surprise he was willing to pay half my ticket amount. The rest is history. I flew to the Philippines and met the woman I am now engaged to. To be clear, I was not engaged there, or even to the woman who invited me.

As far as fiancé is concerned, I could never have expected someone better. I was worried about certain strange legalisms and such from her, but the whole chapter there seemed immune to it. I suspect it’s all the grace. She is quite wonderful and I could never have imagined anyone better. She is kind, compassionate, and loves everyone. She is selfless, supportive, and smart.

Although I did not propose, promise marriage, or even state we were dating- people back home in UBF by and large treated it like I was everything but married. The reactions were extremely varied. My friends thought it was border line insane, but since they are my friends they just expect stuff like this from me. My family was hesitant at first, but after meeting her they loved her and thought it was good for me to marry her. For me this was perhaps most important, your family knows you better than anyone and if they disapprove of a spouse there is usually a very good reason. More than a few UBF missionaries and leaders were excited. More than a few UBF missionaries were apathetic, they ignored it. One missionary in particular became infuriated. She told me that my marriage would not last with her because it wasn’t from “God”. I had talked a lot with this missionary about her experience and knew that her family had rejected her marriage by faith decades earlier. When I asked how this case was different from hers she said that I didn’t have the guidance of Godly people. She then never spoke to me either in person or on Facebook and condemned Dr. Ben Toh’s “attempt to shepherd you”. This reaction was unique to her and in stark contrast to my chapter which more or less accepted it and became very excited. It took about a month for everyone to get used to it. My roommate gave little direct response, but he expressed grumblings not unlike Mat 20:9-16 on a few occasions.

I am not sure what is to be taken away from this story. God truly works despite barriers and issues. I am so thankful for what God has done in my life and I cannot wait to start the next chapter of my life as a married man.

1. Words have different definitions and meanings, especially food

A common irritation the whole time I was in the Philippines was that words had different definitions. It was most common with food. For example, when I got to the Philippines I was asked if I wanted spaghetti. I said yes and was given some spaghetti. As soon as I tried it I said “What is this? This isn’t spaghetti. It’s too sweet.” Nothing tasted like what it was. This wasn’t always for the worse, the eggs were fried in palm oil and they were amazing. But it made a common joy of life, eating, fraught with anxiety. On more than one occasion someone would spend a lot of money on food for me after I told them I liked that food, they would bring it to me and I would struggle to eat whatever it was I supposedly liked. But it wasn’t just with food. The term “every now and then” which in English means “occasionally” means “constantly” in the Philippines. This led to confusion a lot when I first arrived. I learned very late that if you want to politely ask someone to do something you say “Would you like to…” it is the American equivalent of “You should…” Once I was asked “Would you like to use a spoon?” and I just said “No.” The person was likely put off. I actually talked to a missionary last Sunday. She told me that it was the same when she arrived. She would enjoy a certain food but the American version would be so much saltier, so she would just eat Korean food. I wonder how many missionaries have come the US thinking they like American food and when they get here realize they hate the real thing.

2. No matter how hard you think you are adjusting you never are in their eyes

As much as I felt like I had adjusted and was adjusting. I could tell people didn’t think I was. Off hand comments about me that were not intended as insulting, but always referenced that I wasn’t really adjusting were common. I can only imagine being in America for 30 years and feeling like you are truly American. Then you say one thing a little bit wrong or make some Korean gesture and suddenly you “aren’t adjusted”. It would infuriate me, and it really gave me a realization for how hard it is to be a missionary. Many times I see and feel like because Koreans are not speaking English in my presence they havn’t really adjusted, but when I realize they could if they chose- never speak English. They would probably prefer it that way.

3. You resist changing because you know what is “right”, and because you are “right”, you are “elite”.

More than a few times I had conflicts. These conflicts often occurred because I expected something according to my standard, and then Hope, my fiancé, would explain “It’s not America.” But inside I wouldn’t want to change. That is how things are done. People get straws with the purchase of large Coke. You should be able to order a pizza without the tomatoes on top. I should be able to bring my soda into a store that doesn’t sell soda. I should have hot water in my shower if I pay for a hotel room. I should eat dinner by 5. If there is a conflict I should straight forwardly tell people about it, not just say nothing. Every time I had a conflict I was explained that that is not the way it works in the Philippines. I would agree but in my mind say “But that isn’t how it should be…” It isn’t a stretch of the imagination to see how Korean ideals and culture and this idea of “how it should be…” could cause an issue. My culture and its ideals dictate “how it should be…” What is more, it lead me to feel elite. Because I know how things “should be” it made me feel better. As much as I tried to repress, repent, and not act on this. Even when I acknowledged it I couldn’t drive it away. I don’t know what can be done. Can it be that the missionary must give up their culture to join another? Is this the true calling of the missionary? More and more I think that the missionary life requires throwing off one’s culture for another, otherwise pride will always blind a person from being a true example of Jesus.

4. Love is complicated by conflicting cultures.

Many missionaries marry the native people they serve. I know of at least 2 couples in UBF. To be clear I am using missionary as UBF sense of “any person in a different country who is also in UBF”. One thing I found was that cultures have pretty strict rules on courtship. These rules are so deeply imbedded in people that it can cause huge issues. Filipino courtship is all about serving the other person. The man is expected to carry objects for the girl, hold an umbrella, etc. The woman is expected to serve the man by making food, caring for him in sickness, looking out for his wellbeing, etc. Amercian courtship has all but eliminated chivalry. It is seem as “clingy” or “desperate” to constantly be fawning over and looking after a person. The issue is love is shown by these actions, so it appears that I don’t love her if I don’t so these things. I wonder how many early marriage by faiths failed because of this. How many still do? I don’t have an answer but it seems like a remarkably hard thing. Marrying someone in the same culture is much easier. Remarkably I understand how frustrated missionaries must be when they are trying to show love. I know for many missionaries to love someone is to lord over them, this seems cultural. The concept of love is so deeply imbedded that it causes huge issues, as it does in courtship. I understand now how hard it is. You feel like you are loving someone and then suddenly they are upset. What did I do? I was just trying to love you! Jesus told me to!

And that is a basic summary of what I learned with regards to missionaries. I am interested in what you all think. Remember, to explain something isn’t to justify it. How can we work towards missionaries, should we even do so? How much should a native person change and bear with a missionary? These are all good questions.

Brian keeps UBF honest. Forests reviewed Brian’s first book and says, “I encourage everyone to buy and read Brian’s book. It contains much more than I have mentioned. I recently spoke to a UBF missionary from Chicago who said that Brian is good for UBF because he ‘keeps us honest.’” (Book Review: Rest Unleashed.)

Be loving: It is godly and loving to read and hear Brian’s story. Brian’s story is really a part of UBF’s big story. Brian devoted 24 years of the prime of his life to UBF until he decided to leave in 2011. He was fully committed and fully invested in UBF from 1987 to 2011. Literally, he “gave his life for UBF” without hesitation or reservation from his teenage years, perhaps even more than some missionaries did. Without question, he is a man of heart, a man of loyalty, a man of commitment, a man of integrity, and a man of passion and energy, which likely all UBF leaders encourage UBFers to be. In my opinion, to stop listening to Brian just because he left UBF reflects rather poorly and badly on UBF. It suggests and implies that UBF only loves those in UBF but not those who left UBF. Clearly, God does not love only those in UBF. Surely, God also loves those who have left UBF. So, should we not be loving by listening to people like Brian? You cannot love someone if you refuse to listen to what they have to say and share. Brian has a lot to share and say in his life story, and like it or not UBF will always be a significant part of his life story.

Be humble: It is a sign of godly humility to listen to detractors and painful critique. It is likely also the best way to change and improve. If we only listen to those who flatter us and tell us how wonderful and good we are, we will not likely improve or make much progress as a human being, nor as a church. Countless books and lectures and sermons on leadership have been written about how bad organizations or churches only surround themselves with like-minded people or so-called “Yes men,” because they do not challenge them to change or to get out of the proverbial box. Thus, genuinely listening to those who tell us how terrible or just how suboptimal or cult-like we are is very good for the soul…and for the church. It is a sign of humility, perhaps the most valued and desired attribute mentioned repeatedly throughout the Bible (Num 12:3; Zeph 2:3; 3:12; Mt 5:3; 1 Pet 5:6). Humility (by listening to honest critiques) helps us to truly change from the inside out to be more and more like humble Jesus.

Be inclusive and broad-minded like God who accepts all kinds of people. Every church tends to accept a particular type of person. After over three decades in UBF since 1980, my observation and opinion is that UBF has mainly attracted those who would listen to leaders without disagreeing, questioning or challenging them. Brian was once a person who would never question anything coming from a UBF leader (including breaking and entering the home of James and Rebekah Kim in 1990). That was likely why he was fully embraced and accepted in UBF and even “allowed” to be a UBF chapter director in Detroit. But the moment he began to question certain unhealthy UBF practices, he has been labeled as being Satan and the devil and someone to be avoided and not listened to. This is truly very sad and unfortunate and narrow-minded. If UBF learns to embrace anyone who dares to openly and publicly critique us for wrongdoing, we will become more of an inclusive and broad-minded church. In other words, by listening and accepting people like Brian, we will become more and more like Jesus and less and less like exclusive elitist Christians.

Be biblical by not shutting others out. I’ve likely heard all the reasons to not listen to Brian’s story or to not read Brian’s books. But all the reasons are primarily to justify shutting Brian out of our UBF consciousness and conversation, which is not possible, if not foolish and unbiblical. I welcome people like Brian, because he is my friend and my brother in Christ. We also share a common history in UBF for several decades. Just because he left UBF or critiques UBF (and disagrees with me regarding certain things) makes no difference.

In my opinion, it is loving, humble, inclusive, broad-minded, godly and biblical to listen to Brian’s story.

Is there any reason to not listen to Brian? Should UBF read Brian’s books and listen to Brian’s 24 year story and journey in UBF?

Consistent Readership

A big THANK YOU to all our readers and contributors in 2014. We appreciate your time to listen to us. And we enjoy seeing people submit articles on a  regular basis this year. We regularly had an average of 225 readers each day in 2014. This makes us a small community, but one with material that people are interested in.

Global Participation

Greetings to all our friends around the world! Did you find the translator plugin helpful at all? Should we keep the translator in 2015?

Top Viewed Articles

For 2014, these are the articles our readership was most interested in.

Living with my head in the clouds. Last year I shared how West Loop (WL) UBF began in 2008. This is a follow up random, limited and selective reflection of our happy and eventful 6 year story and journey as a church. It mainly explains how my ideological perspectives changed. It is “heady” and not practical. As I’ve often told my wife, “Sorry that I live with my head in the clouds. Therefore, your feet has to be on the ground.” I hope this does not sound bad for her!

A theme for each year. For the last few years, as the primary preaching pastor, I loosely choose a particular theme for each year at WL:

• the year of the Gospel (1 Cor 15:1-4), a matter of prime importance.
• the year of Grace (Ac 20:24): Paul’s only aim was to testify to the gospel of God’s grace.
• the year of Sanctification (Phil 2:12b)–not by human effort but primarily by the grace of God (Phil 2:13);
• the year of the whole counsel of God (Ac 20:27), also translated as the whole will, plan, and purpose of God.
• the year of Remembrance (Dt 15:15a; 24:18; 8:2-3), to prompt us to love God (Dt 6:5) and to act and live accordingly (Dt 10:12-13; 30:19-20).
• For 2015: the year of Faith (Rom 1:17), knowing that it is only by grace that one comes to faith (Eph 2:8-9).

All these themes are rooted and grounded in the gospel–the only power for real authentic transformation and change that happens inside out (Rom 1:16). But Christians are often scared of grace, preferring instead to be punitive and retributive. We incline to giving and treating people as we think their sins deserve. We mistake grace for antinomianism, which was what Paul was accused of by the Bible legalists (Rom 6:1, 15). We think grace leads to lawlessness and licentiousness. This may happen. But withholding grace is never the solution. In fact, when grace is lacking, any church invariably becomes moralistic, legalistic, rigid and inflexible. Insufficient grace also inclines toward lacking the generosity, gentleness and graciousness toward others outside the church, and even in the church.

Changing how I taught Genesis. After teaching Genesis 100s of times for over a quarter of a century, I asked, What is the point of Genesis? Is it “live a life of mission”? Or “be a father of faith like Abraham”? Or “Marry by faith like Isaac and Rebekah”? I think not. It is by the grace of God that God chose our forefathers (and us), in spite of themselves. In 2011 I preached through most of Genesis by focusing on God’s limitless grace extended to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph.

What did Jesus say the Scriptures are about? When I first noticed it, I was surprised to read that Jesus said that the OT Scriptures are about him (Jn 5:39, 46; Lk 24:27, 44). In Acts, both Peter and Paul said the same thing: the OT is about Jesus (Ac 10:43; 18:28). It impressed me that the Bible is NOT primarily a book about proper morals and proper religious behavior, but primarily about Jesus. As a result, I shifted my emphasis from imperatives (commands) to indicatives (grace), from “you love others” to “God loves you” (1 Jn 4:19), from “you live a life of mission” to “Jesus fulfilled his mission for you” (Jn 19:30). Only the latter, the gospel, leads to true transformation (2 Cor 3:18; 4:6). I think I have the support from both Martin Luther and Pope Francis!

Overcoming the iron law of paternalism, patriarchy and primogeniture. Sorry for these rather unfamiliar words. (Google each word.) But they are important because every culture, society and church naturally follows the unbreakable law of these “3 P’s.” Loosely, it means that you follow the chain of command and the norms of society (or the church), whereby the older and the senior is ALWAYS favored above the younger and the junior. But interestingly God’s grace does not follow such “human rules and traditions.” In fact, God, more often than not, breaks such unbreakable human rules and laws by choosing and extending favor to the younger over the older. For instance, in every case, God chose:

• Abel the younger instead of Cain the older.
• Isaac the younger instead of Ishmael the older.
• Jacob the younger instead of Esau the older.
• Joseph the 11th of Jacob’s sons, bypassing 10 older sons.
• Ephraim the younger son of Joseph instead of Manasseh the older son.
• Moses, the youngest one in his family.
• David, the youngest of the 8 sons of Jesse.
• Young fresh disciples (Mk 1:17), rather than old tired Pharisees and boring religious leaders.
• Young Timothy (1 Tim 4:12), rather than the older elders at Ephesus.

What does this mean and how does it apply practically? I needed to unlearn and re-learn what I had previously practiced by honoring and favoring younger people as much as I had honored older people. Under Samuel Lee’s 40 year leadership, everyone in UBF honored him more than everyone else. But by understanding how God does not follow man’s ways of paternalism, patriarchy and primogeniture, I made an intentional internal decision to honor and favor younger people, just as much as I had honored Lee for the last 22 years of his life in Chicago UBF. How would I do this? I encouraged everyone at West Loop to do whatever they wished, or to take any initiative, without asking my permission or first getting approval or clearance from me. Why? Because I trusted them as my expression of trusting God. Because I wish to respect and welcome their initiatives and creative ideas that are different (and better!) than mine.

No more fear of man. A few years ago Prov 29:25 literally changed the way I viewed, perceived and responded to people in authority. Just as I feared and honored Lee, I also feared every older person and leader in UBF. The practical result of this was that I lived before the person I feared, rather than living in the fear of God (Prov 1:7; 9:10). I lived to please the person I feared (Jn 5:43-44), rather than pleasing God (Jn 8:29). This was a miserable way to live. What a tremendous freedom and liberation it was to no longer live in the fear of any man!

No one should fear me or anyone else. Practically, I prayed that WL may be a safe place, where no one would fear me (or anyone else), just because I am an older longstanding leader in the church. If anyone feared me, they will act and pretend and not speak up openly and honestly, for fear of retaliation or repercussion from me. So I chose to welcome critiques from anyone regarding my words, decisions, actions, sermons and leadership. It is sometimes jarring and humbling when some young person says to me, “How can you say such a thing in your sermon!” But I thank God that our WL community is free and unafraid to speak up. One of my catchphrases is, “Please stab me in the front!”

And this is what Ferguson needs. It needs laws that do not bind us to inaction. This country needs laws that do not allow police offices that are legally allows to shoot an unarmed teen over nine times and leave him in the street for four and half hours. Ferguson needs a state prosecutor who is not legally allowed to give out statues deems unconstitutional in 1985 and correct them three days before deliberation ends. Ferguson needs to know that justice exists. It needs to know that our country of laws values black lives and white lives in the same manner. It needs to know that tear gassing protesters and bringing in a militarized police force is imperious. It needs to know that in our country stealing cigars is not punishable by death. It needs to know that excessive force in the name of protection is a means that undoes an end.

Ferguson needs peace makers- blessed are they. It needs impractical men. Men who are willing to stand up for what is right and just and true.  Ferguson needs the most impractical, practical men. Men who judge actions, and furthermore act. Vox populi vox dei is our maxim. Our actions can only be successful when they are over, if we are to begin they must in the abstract right. My conscience rejects that an unarmed black teen deserved death for not getting out of the street fast enough. I have been to those neighborhoods. I have taught teens just like Michael Brown. I nearly became Michael Brown’s math teacher. For all of my experience it is clear that authority does not grant freedom from the law. Authority exists in the context of law, not in spite of it. If the laws allow for such a heinous action then the laws themselves are unjust. Prudence dictates that law ought not to be changed for light and passing causes, but change in the law ought not to be intractable. Mankind will suffer under the law before it changes the law assuming the law is sufferable. But when the law itself allows for the destruction of the basic tenet of existence perquisite to the law itself- life, it becomes not only a necessity but duty of the people to stand against the law, practically in the form of protests. Impractically in the creation of new laws and examination of the old law to determine the protection of all people regardless of race, religion, creed, or gender. This is what Ferguson needs. It is what the world needs. Behind this law lies the mysterious person who fulfilled the law. He is justice itself. He is what Ferguson needs more than all, for he who has Christ and everything has nothing more than he who has Christ alone.

I stand with the people of Ferguson. May Christ stand with them as well.

Then I became a leader. I learned to put God in the center of my thoughts and actions. I learned to reflect on myself based on God’s word. I learned to repent and come closer to God. I learned to value individuals and love their soul through prayer and Bible study.

However, I began to notice ugly things in me. Once I realized I was in a position of influence, a greed for power and control started growing inside of me. My original desire to purely spread God’s love was almost immediately tainted with my own ambition to amass large amounts of people and enjoy people’s recognition. I was also confused by my own inability to pray, my stubborn resistance to depend on God, inner criticism of those who were not as devoted as me, and resentment toward those who seemed to have it easier than me. In short, although I had been saved, I was very selfish and self-centered.
I was motivated no longer by love but by my greed and ambition which was countered only by despair and sense of failure. As I married and had children, I realized that although some parents may have been sincere in devoting themselves to God and trusting God to take care of their children, I realized that it could have been just as easy to use God’s work as an excuse to avoid the thankless job of raising children, cleaning up their mess, and feeding them day in and day out. How often I also wanted to run away and immerse myself in other activities if they were only available. Alas, as a small chapter, we didn’t have many programs or students. So I would try to escape in other ways instead. In the same way, some leaders could have also been sincere in their challenges and directions, but it could have also come from a desire for more power and control.

As much as I respected UBF ministry and members, there were things that bothered me too—the messages that did not speak to me, the way people were given direction without explanation or understanding of individual situations, the prejudice, the awkwardness. If we were a community that loved Jesus more than others, then I assumed we would love others as Jesus loved us. If we were a community with the joy of salvation, then people would naturally be attracted to us, join, and find the same joy that we have. The fruit of God’s salvation would be flowing down as God’s gift to us, encouraging and strengthening us. But instead, I saw fighting, complaining, competition, and people becoming enemies. It felt forced and difficult and draining.

Although I was firmly loyal to our group, I could not but look longingly at bigger ministries with good programs, talented speakers, and many members. Even in America, where it looked like the church was dying, we were seeing mega churches springing up, drawing large crowds of people and making a difference in people’s lives. Then people started leaving our ministry in droves, not quietly, but angrily, making quite a stir as they left. As I read their stories, my heart broke and shame entered in. I had made excuses before, but they weren’t working anymore. Especially when other churches were thriving and obviously doing much better than us, it seemed that we were obviously doing something wrong.
Then came the scandal with Mark Driscoll, which sounded similar to the scandals in our own ministry. Suddenly, I realized that our problem was not just our problem. It was not something I had to hide and feel ashamed of. It is quite simply, the curse of our human race.

From the beginning of time, ever since man decided to disobey God, people have been blaming each other for their problems in life and in the church. We blame the leader, the congregation, the programs, each other, and even ourselves.
We need change. People need to change and grow, otherwise we die. But change doesn’t come from telling somehow how to change. We experience a revelation and suddenly we are the expert on what needs to be done and how people should change. Congregation doesn’t change because the leader tells them what to do. The church doesn’t change because the congregation tells the leader what to do. Change comes from God and is continually motivated by the joy we experience from living in his will.

Change progresses by God’s sovereign time schedule, not by our will. God loves us more than anyone else. Only he knows our hearts and whether we are living in his will or not. In addition, he has infinite patience for us to turn our hearts to him. We do not have to do anything. God works and waits until we want to love him and love our neighbor with joy.
Likewise, God loves that other person more than you or anyone else. God has his own time schedule for that person. It may not coincide with our time schedule or even our lifetime, but it does not matter. We need to entrust that person in God’s hands, believing that God knows what he’s doing better than we do. There is no excuse for trying to change someone or getting upset when that person doesn’t change according to your time schedule.

At the same time, we need to acknowledge God as the creator and keeper of our lives. We need to accept everything that has happened to us, both good and bad, as from the hand of God. It is here we may discover inner anger toward a person or to God. It is sin that hurts us and causes us pain. But God is watching over us all and he shows no favoritism. His final judgment will be righteous and just. This gives us rest from trying to fix all the wrongs ourselves. It also compels us to live honestly before God rather than pretending to be ok.

God has also promised to make all things work for the good of those who love him. (Ro 8:28) God is working for us at all times whether it looks like it or not, whether it feels like it or not. It is our job not to fix the world but to thank God for the life he has given us and the blessings he has placed in our lives. It is our job to thank God even for the pain and difficulty because it is through them we grow closer to God. When we thank God in all circumstances, God often does mighty work in and around us which blesses and strengthens us. For example, this web page can be used as a vehicle for ranting or healing or provoking, but it is not the web page, but God who is working behind each and every situation to challenge us, change us, and help us. It is our job to receive what God wants to give us, to learn what he wants to teach us, to obey what he wants us to do. There is no excuse for not accepting everything from God, living before him, and trusting him.

Finally, we come to realize we are nothing but broken jars of clay. But God in his great mercy and love has chosen to shine his light through us through Jesus. We were nothing but we were made into heirs of his kingdom and co-heirs with Christ. It might be like we are each presidents of a small country. In light of that, there can be no hierarchy or status among believers. We must treat each other with respect as a co-heir of God’s salvation in Christ. At the same time, our minds and bodies are no longer our own. We are not slaves to sin, but ambassadors of God’s love and promise to the world. So there is no excuse for not loving, not accepting someone even if we don’t feel like it. There is no excuse not to be generous toward others or love them as Jesus loved us.

What we need is not more rules, practices, and traditions. We also don’t need more blame and outlines of how to change. We need to listen to God’s voice and stand before him alone. We need to listen to each other and love each other in Jesus. After, and only after, can we think of influencing another, and that would be only to help that person by our example, to learn to listen to God’s voice for himself and make his own decisions standing before God without expectation or condemnation.

Anyways, hearing all these warnings makes me wonder: why do they say those things? Why do they not want me to dialogue with certain people or read certain articles? And thus I decided that I am going to write an article to discuss: a.) the reasons why people tell me not to visit this forum and b.) the reasons why I go to this forum.

You should not read ubfriends

1.) Basically it’s the argument of, “it’s a waste of time.” Many have told me, “if there are issues they should be discussed face to face, not over the internet.” But this implies that the role of ubfriends is to solve the issues of UBF. If that’s what you think the purpose of this site is, I have news for you: that’s not what the role of this site is. The only one who can solve the issues is God himself. Moreover, we could have a whole discussion on what a “waste of time is,” but that’s for a different article.

2.) “BrianK and Ben Toh are a bad influence.” I have heard this many a time and I am sure that they have too. But I learn a lot from them and they are people who make me think. We have different views, but my goal in life is not to surround myself with clones of myself and only talk to those who make me feel comfortable. There’s no challenge or growth in that. One author I read took a management course at Oxford and in one lecture they were told, “Talk to people you really respect- even if they disagree with you. These people will help you make better decisions because they will present you with possibilities you might not agree with, but which might be right.” I lived in a country that is 99% non-Christian. Did it cause me to lose my faith? (If you believe that faith can be lost, another topic for a different article.) Nope. Do I want to be sheltered from contradictory worldviews? Nope.

3.) “Don’t be a cynic.” People who have told me not to frequent ubfriends come from both sides of the spectrum. One side is from those who don’t want me to comment on this site because they know I comment about them and the other side with those who care for my spiritual and emotional health. Honestly, it’s easy to be a cynic, but I don’t want to be a cynic and I cannot be a cynic. JC is alive and moving to this day. God can use a donkey to speak his words; he even uses you and me to accomplish his will. It’s a miracle. As BK said, there are glimpses of the gospel everywhere.

Reasons I read ubfriends, comment and submit articles

1.) Respect- I respect the ideas of those who dialogue on this site. Those who share here are critical thinkers. I am not one to go with the flow or be silent when I disagree. I used to be like that, but through the support of friends and family I have been able to find my voice. I am glad there are people who share the value of critical thinking.

2.) Growth- I still remember when Dr. Ben first showed me this site. The article he showed me was about Spiritual Abuse and it voiced many of the things I felt were wrong, but could never say aloud. This is a place for people to talk about the elephants in the room and find others who have gone through the same things and can help others along the way.

3.) Interactive/Dynamic Communication- When I submit an article I get feedback on what others think. It sharpens my arguments and helps me consider angles I wouldn’t have considered before. It’s all about collaboration; this is a 21st century skill and community is indispensable to the Christian life.

4.) Question everything- I love questions. I love when people answer my questions. I have one old-school professor right now who only gives one-way lectures. He doesn’t even give us time to ask questions at the end. During his lectures I have my hand up and he sees me, but he keeps going on and on. It drives me crazy. To solve this issue I decided to just do homework during his lectures and to take his classes online instead of face-to-face. I need to interact with information. Some people find this annoying, especially when I ask the same question over and over again, but that’s the way I process information.

So my question for you is: Why do you read ubfriends? Do you agree with the reasons to read or not to read? Do you think it is wrong to air out personal issues in public? Has anyone told you to not read ubfriends or talk to BK/ Ben Toh?

After becoming a Christian in 1980 I became certain and convinced by the work of the Holy Spirit that living for Jesus is the only worthwhile reason to live (Jn 10:10b; 20:31). Only by God’s mercy and grace, this is still as true for me today as it was when I experienced my mystical conversion in 1980.

But along with this glorious, mystical, loving, gracious, mysterious certainty of Christ, I realize that I also added “other certainties,” which were basically non-negotiable to me, such as:

• One to one Bible study is the best way of discipleship.
• You must always answer the Bible study questions before meeting for Bible study…and prepare a Bible study binder.
• Writing testimonies weekly is the best way to grow as a Christian.
• Marrying by faith is the way to marry.
• Everyone should be a one to one Bible teacher and teach the Bible.
• You must never ever miss Sun worship service for any reason unless you’re dying or moribund or for four weeks for a mother after delivering a baby, but NOT for the father.
• You must never miss your weekly church meetings.
• You better never miss any church conferences, even if you have to go into debt by paying for the travel expenses and conference fee.
• You must always defer to and agree with your senior and your leader, even though they are clearly wrong.
• You must not disagree with, object to, or challenge your leader, because God appointed them and not you to be the leader.
• If your Christian leader does not bless you, God will not bless you.
• God’s blessing on your life invariably and necessarily comes through your leader and your church.
• UBF is the best church in the world.
• Caucasian Bible students are the best, while others are dispensable. Sorry for having to make such a racially offensive and disgusting statement, because it was sadly true of me then.
• Any Christian or church who does things differently from me or my church is really compromising, inferior, suboptimal, nominal, culturally contaminated, sad and pitiful.

Of course, I developed these absolute certainties because my church communicated these certainties, either implicitly or even explicitly at times. These are not necessarily all bad or wrong, though some clearly are unbiblical. I’m sure you can identify which.

The problem with these certainties other than Christ and the gospel is that I became arrogant and condescending toward anyone who did not value and treasure MY certainties. I was also known by others–such as my family–for these other certainties, as though Christ is like that, when clearly Jesus is never ever so rigid, narrow, inflexible and intolerant of anyone who is not like ME!

Today, Christ remains my single certainty. But the others are not longer certainties to me.

• I enjoy group BIble studies, which I think are far more interesting and illuminating.
• People can come for Bible studies prepared or completely unprepared.
• They can share written testimonies, or oral extemporaneous testimonies, or not share at all.
• No church meeting or church conference is mandatory.
• Come if you want to, not because you have to.
• Learn to make decisions on your own before God and not think that you need the mediator of another person, since Christ is the only mediator (1 Tim 2:5).
• Overcome unhealthy dependency on another person, as though your blessing comes primarily from a human being rather than from God.
• Sorry to blow burst anyone’s bubble, but UBF is NOT the best church in the world. Nonetheless, I love this church, because ultimately it is Christ’s bride and He is my bridegroom.

What are your certainties? Have you dispensed of any unnecessary certainties that you once held dear?

Come Into the Light

Several elders and pastors wrote a letter to Mars Hill church entitled “Concerns and Critical Information for the Elders of Mars Hill Church”. Theirs words struck a deep chord with me. Do we love the light? Are we willing to bring our church into the light? If there is any best way to describe one thing I want from UBF leadership, one way to summarize the thousands of emails and hundreds of blog articles I wrote the past 3 years, it would be this. Come into the light.

“Where there is nothing to hide, there is no fear of being exposed. But, rather than seeking clarity, we have cloaked ourselves in non-disclosure agreements. We have become masters of spin in how we communicate the transition of a high volume of people off staff. We have taken refuge behind official statements that might not technically be lies on the surface, but in truth are deeply misleading.

At the retreat this week, Pastor Dave spoke about our church’s credibility problem. Brothers, this credibility problem is directly linked to the fact that we have not loved the light.This is not the fault of one person, or even a just a small group of people. We all share in responsibility for this in one way or another, and we must all repent of it together, together calling for our church to step into the light.” (source)

Ethics Committee Contact Details?

Last week someone contacted me asking about the UBF Ethics and Accountability committee. They asked to remain anonymous for this person feared retaliation for asking about the committee, based on their experience in approaching UBF leaders. This person may submit an article with their suggestions for the committee, but for now I will just share some quotes sent to me. These quotes show me that as of 2014, UBF leadership still has qualms about the light, just like the Mars Hill leadership.

“I wanted to contact UBF Ethics committee but I could not easily find their contact information at ubf.org. If they are serious about making ethical reform they should make it easy to post suggestions for ethical reform in a way easily explained in the website via some form of contact listed on the website.”

I have to wonder the same thing. How ethical is it to not make the Ethics committee contact information available freely and publicly? The perception (and likely reality) is that UBF leadership wants to control who contacts the committee and what gets reported to the committee, thereby rendering the committee irrelevant. Am I right? I hope I am wrong.

What will be said of us?

Of course, John 3:18-20 comes to mind immediately. Will it be said that we loved the light? If there is nothing to hide, why don’t UBF leaders and members come into the light? In this internet age, there is really no place to hide. Publishing nostalgic hagiographies, traveling the world to do private “Continuous Missionary Education” and adding bureaucratic layers onto the ministry doesn’t do much to bring UBF ministry into the light. We all see you, by the way. There is no place to hide.

So no, I do not hate Koreans. I love kimchee! I do not consider Korean culture to be the main issue facing UBF ministry. I deeply respect the disciplined nature of many Koreans I have met, in UBF and out of UBF. But what do I want? I want UBF people to come into the light! Will you join me in the light? Will you discuss UBF ministry here on ubfriends, openly, freely and honestly? This won’t be easy. It won’t be “safe”. It will be like walking on the water. It will feel very uncomfortable. It will be messy. It may get ugly. But I stake my life on this, when we love the light, it will be glorious.

I quoted Bonhoeffer: “God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community (wish dream) demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren…”

After the sermon I was asked, “Are you saying that the church should not have a vision or a dream? I thought it is always good for us to have a vision and a dream for the church.”

So is a wish dream bad? Bonhoeffer says, “Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hindrance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive. He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial.” “He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together.”

My random thoughts are these. Every person has some dream, vision or hope. My dream is that West Loop Church increasingly becomes a gospel community where Christ is preached and lived out, and where anyone and everyone is welcomed without prejudice and without being imposed upon. But this was not my dream in the past. Prior to West Loop starting in 2008 my dream, given to UBF by Dr. Lee, was to make America a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.

UBF’s wish dreams are expressed in our “core values” (and in prayer topics and announcements). Our initial wish dream when I came to UBF in 1980 was to pray for UBF Bible teachers in 561 American campuses and 231 nations of the world. This dream gave me a motivation of how I could practically love Jesus with all my heart. I read the Bible once a year. Every week I spent hours studying and teaching Dr. Lee’s Sun sermons, answered the Bible study questions, prepared Bible study binders, wrote testimonies, and carried out an average of 10 1:1 Bible studies a week. I gave “message training” to my Bible students for decades. With Dr. Lee’s support, I helped dozens of them to marry by faith for UBF world campus mission. I did this for over 25 years. I have no regrets about any of this because I did so with a clear conscience to love Jesus.

What then is the problem? It was that my wish dream became my identity and my sense of self-worth. It became the core of who I was. My “wish” to fulfill my “(UBF) dream” became my will, my demand, my obsession, my sensibility, my imposition on my church community, and worst of all it became my Christ, my everything. I forget that human beings are NOT the ones to create the community.

Last week a friend shared with me a “wish dream” by a top UBF leader who said (I’m paraphrasing), “Being a 1:1 Bible teacher and testimony writing is absolute.” Besides violating the freedom taught in Galatians, such a wish dream according to Bonhoeffer is “a hindrance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive.”

Is wish dream a concept easily understood by UBF?

Can UBF stop propagating the UBF wish dream?

Can UBF understand why the UBF wish dream hinders genuine community?

Our purpose is to foster open interpersonal communication on spiritual matters that leads to Christian community:

Christ + Communication = Unity

Unity is not the same thing as uniformity. Christians do not all think alike. There are some basic beliefs that we hold in common, but there is a diversity of opinion on many issues within the Body of Christ. As the gospel welcomes people of every tribe and tongue and nation, it also challenges us to stretch ourselves beyond what is comfortable. The degree to which we imitate Christ is not measured by how much we love those who are similar to us, but by how much we embrace those who are different.

This website is not intended to promote or denigrate UBF or any organization. Our purpose is to serve people by giving them an independent forum to learn, to think, and to express themselves in a healthy and friendly manner. We hope that this website will

• foster multi-way conversations among friends
• open new channels of communication and friendships among people of different ages and backgrounds, overcoming prejudice and stereotypes
• help members of UBF develop stronger connections to the broader Christian community
• help us to see multiple sides of difficult issues and truly learn from one another, even when we do not agree

Though some in UBF, particularly long-standing leaders, will either denigrate or disagree with the mere existence of this site, I’m of the opinion that the four goals listed above are being fulfilled (albeit in a messy but honest manner).

While there exists a slew of silent readers who make their presence known through either ‘liking’ or ‘disliking’ articles and comments, the most vocal participants here are those from the so-called ‘lost generation’. These are current and former UBF members who were passed over for key leadership positions for a variety of vaguely-defined and, in some cases, unfair reasons. Though I am a perpetual pessimist, I don’t agree with the aforementioned moniker (and for the remainder of this article I would like to refer to the ‘losts’ as the ‘founds’). The reason being is that it seemingly invalidates everything that that particular generation went through. To the contrary, due to the sheer volume of composite life experiences and knowledge of the found generation, I believe that they are playing a vital role in the current, changing ministry landscape. From an ideological point of view, the conversations I’ve had with the founds on this site have been beyond eye-opening and helpful. In turn, these new ideological views have positively augmented my relationships with others in UBF. As conversations with others in my peer group indicate, I am not the only one who has benefited from the dialogues here.

As a member of the younger generation in UBF, I have a request or plea for those in the found generation. First, let me begin by stating that I’m thankful for those of you who are willing to communicate with those in the younger generation in an honest and discreet manner. Again, I’ve benefited greatly from such conversations. These conversations have consisted of serving as a sounding board for new ideas, providing helpful and compassionate counsel as well as biblically sound resources from other ministries.

One suggestion for the site is for those in the found generation to write articles geared toward the younger generation as to how to artfully, respectfully and courageously engage older members and leaders in UBF. My strong belief is that change in UBF will be a bottom-up approach. This is currently happening and in order for it to continue, those with substantial ministry and life experience have to continually invest in and inform the younger generation. This is obviously occurring on this website, but my hope is that it would become a more focused and balanced practice here.

I also understand that many who have begun to break out of the UBF paradigm, whether while remaining in UBF or leaving, are still grappling with overcoming wounds and negative thought patterns which were imposed by the ministry. Still, it is plainly obvious that you all have much to contribute to the younger generation, if only to point them toward good resources and gleanings from your own personal life experiences.

Lastly, I would ask that those who are writing books about their experiences in UBF consider blogging their books on ubfriends as well. This would serve to make the ministry more transparent. Additionally, blogging such material will reach a wider audience and thus perhaps promote even more dialogue.

For my part, though I have experienced the negative side of the ministry, I can also say that I have been immensely blessed by the genuine believers within the ministry. I came to the ministry in 2003, almost immediately after Samuel Lee passed away. Since my time here, I have seen many positive changes in some of the elders and older missionaries. I’ve also established some significantly deep friendships while here. My experience being what it is, my future publications will most likely be concerned with writing about the positive aspects of UBF. However, when need be, I will also be painfully and brutally honest about any negativity I witness in the ministry. And as one who is obsessed with the idea that ideological viewpoints play a vital role in informing healthy practice, I aim to publish articles on broad-sweeping topics such as hermeneutics, cultural contextualization of the gospel and the like. In my previous article, my aim was not to promote the idea that we should refrain from discussing the unhealthy practices of some of UBF’s key leaders. Instead, I wanted to take a healthy step back from the incessant railing against said leaders so as to frame our perceptions and accusations in a more objective and judicial light. At the end of the day, it is entirely your prerogative as to what you wish to publish. I’m merely presenting a request to have more focused dialogue which is in line with the site’s audacious yet attainable mission statement.

Though I am trying, I honestly struggle to understand those who came to the ministry in the 80’s and 90’s and stayed for a considerable amount of time. If I ever come off as unsympathetic or glib, please call me out and most importantly pray for me to understand the perspectives of others.

My hope is that the ‘losts’ may see themselves as the ‘founds’ who have much to contribute to a growing generation of leaders within UBF. To paraphrase Isaac Newton, the vantage point of the younger generation is either greatly reduced or heightened by how much they are able to glean from the generations that preceded them. As the younger generation in UBF engages in conversations with the biblical text, church historians throughout the ages and the visionaries and contemporaries of our day, we would be undeniably remiss to neglect those in the generation that, in some sense, paved the way for us. As I said, ‘lost’ is an ill-prescribed moniker and if anything they are actually the missing link or the key to understanding UBF in its current state. Let the lost then, as they pursue and engage the younger generation in profound conversation, become the serendipitously found.

There is much that the author is thankful for in University Bible Fellowship, such as going to Bible Conferences in other countries, the love bombing in her early days, and the Bible studies. These things I am very thankful to God for as well. She mentioned that when she finally became free she never lost her faith in God but learned to serve God in different way free from all the pressure and control and undue influence.

I noticed a few common things that she shared in her book that really drives home the real issues in University Bible Fellowship that must be addressed and be changed if University Bible Fellowship is to become healthy and be a healthy ministry. These same points are addressed in Brian’s books and the one we wrote together as well.

First, She saw family life in University Bible Fellowship.

She mentioned as she took a closer look at the families in UBF she noticed that they were abusive and unhealthy. I saw the same thing in our ministry in Cincinnati UBF as well as in my own family. She noticed that kids were pressured to live in the University Bible Fellowship community and parents did not spend time with them but left them to others to take care of so that they could raise disciples of Jesus. This changed her perspective completely and contributed to her leaving UBF after being a member for 3 years in the Canadian chapter. She did not want to raise an unhealthy and unbalanced family.

I strongly urge UBF members to love and take care of their families and if can’t do so and do ministry then leave UBF immediately. Please do not abuse your children under the banner of love and ministry.

Second, She saw pressure to marry in UBF.

This is a sure sign of an unhealthy ministry. Throughout her book you can see how she had to suppress her feelings and live under the direct influence of her Bible teacher. This caused emotional anxiety and trauma to her life that is abusive in nature. UBF makes marriage out to be some kind of fantasy world where you will be eternally happy with the partner they choose for you because they are God’s servants and they know what is best for you. I lived in this illusion and dream until I got married in UBF and realized I married someone who did not like the ministry as I thought and only stayed with me because of our children. I realized that the marriages in UBF can be very abusive in the sense that you marry under pressure and someone who does not understand that they will often be expected to sacrifice their family to feed into the UBF propaganda machine. It is not real.

Yes, there are some good marriages but much is cover up. One young man in Cincinnati UBF left his wife and children, he was one of my shepherds, to spend his life with a same sex partner. These stories are covered up and never talked about.

Third, She saw that she was not her real self.

She describes it as an out of body experience in her book. It was nice to read a book from a woman’s perspective for a change. She saw that the longer she stayed in UBF the more and more activities were thrown on her life to seize unhealthy control of her life until she ended up in depression and even fainted a few times at work and in a library a few times where she worked.

Finally, she got the courage to leave. I strongly encourage anyone who is in University Bible Fellowship to read her book to just explore these issues in a loving way. I can see that she did not write this book to bash UBF but with a sincere and loving desire to come to terms with her life and to find healing for herself. In the same way, Brian and I wrote our stories with the same purpose. There is no money to be made in writing books but much time and effort in writing. These love letters must be read, I promise you that you will learn more here than staying up all night half asleep listening to repetitive and boring testimonies. Isabelle Renaud is our sister in Christ and she deserves to heard in the University Bible Fellowship community.

I was drawn in by article after article and comment after comment. Initially I was taken aback by aggressive language and seemingly biased points of view. But as I continued to read, I have been impressed by the level of integrity and professionalism you have maintained throughout the website. The articles have not been offensive or slanderous but have been informative, honest, and real.

Due to the degree of honesty and open communication presented here, some of the emotions have been very raw, making some of the comments difficult to read at times. But we need to read and acknowledge people’s pain and hurt. I understand why some leaders may have boldly challenged people to leave if they are not happy. Maybe they wanted to show their strong confidence in themselves and UBF. Maybe it was easier to reject first before being rejected. Maybe love grew cold. But one thing is that the pain will not go away on its own. And the fact is is that no man is an island and we need each other desperately.

The questions I came away with were, “Where do we go from here?” “Is there any hope?” “Has everything that can be done already been done?” I would propose that someone who is trusted by the elders and staff, such as a fellow director who has shown outstanding ability to hold such a discussion or an outside professional, give a set of lectures educating leaders on the art of discussion. Maybe similar to lectures educating leaders on current trends of postmodernism and how it affects how people view and accept the gospel message.

I’ve been hearing in many comments the cry for open discussion, not vindictively, but earnestly. And not just privately, but in an open group fashion. I feel that a little bit of honesty and vulnerability would go a long way.

One of the fundamental problems is that as a group, UBF leadership and members have not been educated on how to moderate a discussion that touches on sensitive and painful issues, using skills such as listening without judging, being vulnerable, the language of apology, receiving criticism without taking it personally, handling conflict and pain in the discussion, handling emotions, etc. And these are not learned naturally. They are skills that need to be taught and learned. There is no blame that we were not equipped. We have to remember that UBF started as a grassroots organization dependent upon the passion and initiative of a handful of people. God used it, but we need to change and grow as do all people and all groups. I believe that the same spirit of initiative, bravery, and independence that God used to bring us here, God can use again to bring healing, restoration, and revival for Americans, Koreans, and all chapters around the world.

However, without a proper foundation, and the right tools to address difficult topics, we cannot expect to have an honest discussion at a larger scale. We need to lay the foundation first. Then, and only then, can each side meet the other from the same starting point and begin the process of sifting and picking topics for discussion without getting defensive or emotional. There would need to be an excellent moderator as well.

Let us wait on God in full expectation. “We can do as little toward the work as toward creating the world, except as God works in us to will and to do. God only asks us to yield, to consent, to wait upon Him, and He will do it all….To wait upon God, and have the heart filled with faith in His working, and in that faith to pray for His mighty power to come down, is our only wisdom.” Waiting on God, Andrew Murray

Being a missionary

I did not feel like a missionary, as I said in part 1. But while I was there I made sure that I did not try to impose my culture on the students. For me this meant first and foremost that I did not insist on English only. I was assigned a translator. In some bible studies she requested that the students speak in English but I had to be very insistent in telling them to speak freely. Many students were very shy to meet me. I could not understand the tone of the Tagalog but my translator informed me that the presiders were shy to introduce me. I tried to be as open as possible and to speak with all of them. One student refused to look at me as I tried to introduce myself. In America I would have taken this as a call to forcefully introduce myself, possibly with a lot of sarcasm. In this case I didn’t say anything. Later the girl approached me and introduced herself. She was very open in speaking with me for the duration of the conference. The first message was given in English, but the second one was mostly in Tagalog.

Joy

The message in English was given by Timothy. His spoke on John 17, Jesus’ prayer for his disciples. The primary message was Jesus prays for us, and his intercession brings about joy. The sermon was given extemporaneously. He used notes and cited Old Testament verses as needed. It differed from Easter conference in major ways.

The messages given by Americans at Camp Joatta for my conference were very analytical. They were rooted in explanation and argumentation. The message was essentially an appeal to logic; it was a sermon from logos. The messages given by native Koreans were rooted in obedience, loyalty, and discipleship. The message was essentially an appeal to authority of the speaker as a elder messenger of God; it was sermon from ethos. But the message I heard was rooted in emotion; it was a sermon from pathos. His main message can be summarized by the psalmist “What is man, that thou art mindful of him?” This was the same thing I thought as I saw the earth depart from me as I flew to the Philippines. From the sky you could not even tell that people existed, they were too small. Who am I that the creator of the heavens and the earth became man so that I might become like God?

He spoke that the “J” in “Joy” stood for Jesus. Indeed Jesus brings Joy and the joy of the students and people there was contagious. There was no excessive feeling of guilt that many Easter celebrations bring with it. He said that sin destroys the joy that Christ gives us. The message was very inspiring because the modern world has nearly equated sin with virtue. They speak of “forbidden fruit” as though it is something that we ought to have. Sin, rather than bring us joy, actively destroys it!

The success of the Philippines UBF

The Easter Conference had 93 in attendance. I wondered openly how this had happened. Why was it that the Philippines UBF so successful. My chapter has in St. Louis has produced 1 long staying disciple in 7 years. My chapter in Springfield has, by my count, 3 three in the past 4 years. But the Philippines had dozens. Most of the members in attendance had been in the Philippines UBF for more than 2 years. I discovered that the UBF chapter didn’t use the UBF daily bread book. They said to use it was to “put God in a box”. This sentiment was expressed equally about nearly every “rule” that UBF has. Dr. William said that it was our job to guide people and let God choose for them their role in the church. Students wanted to take an active part in the church and there were facilitated by the leadership there. Your role was never chosen for you.

That being said there were very typical UBF influences. “Shepherd” and “shepherdess” were common. Interestingly these were not titles that were required to be used such as in traditional UBF chapters. However, they were still used even though some current UBF chapters don’t use them at all such as Springfield UBF. For various reasons I determined the title was honorary, it was not “earned”. In this way UBF Philippines was not stratified and competitive in nature. It was not a competitive discipleship ministry. Dr. William explained he did not want a mega church. He said he was soon sending out a family of 8 to start a new chapter.

I have observed that some UBF chapters are unsuccessful for 2 reasons. First they are very legalistic, and manipulative. They only present one option for people in the church and therefore exert a lot of control over their members. This was not present in the Philippines UBF; everything was done with grace, love and freedom. The second way I have observed them fail is with regards to the policy on marriage by faith. It seems that traditional Korean marriage practices of arranged marriage were brought with UBF and justified with certain proof texts taken out of context. Korean leaders therefore see their cultural norm as a divine imperative. This shotgun style engagement and forceful nature is not present here. Traditional Filipino courtship is the norm. Courtship usually takes at least a few years. Marriage is not seen as a tool to build missionaries either. Students are free to date, but it is usually discouraged. The traditional courtship is modified in a Christian light. People who are considering being married are introduced in a similar manner as traditional UBF chapters. But then the leaders are mostly absent for the rest of the period. The courtship period is a testing ground to decide if it is God’s will to be married. Leaders do not cancel weddings and families are very involved. Because of an absence of law in favor of grace, and an absence of the UBF marriage by faith policy, UBF Philippines has been very successful.

Closing remarks

I will not go into every detail of my trip. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. Maybe one day I will include a part 4, it is possible I will write a follow up. God’s work in the Philippines has changed my life in remarkable ways. I have decided I will go back as soon as I can, even at the expense of going to Europe. As one student told me “God is good…All the time.”

The 9th Beatitude

The poverty was something I don’t think I ever got used to. There were dozens of people walking everywhere. The city was not zoned so every spot that was vacant was turned into a makeshift house. Electrical wiring hung precariously. The Philippines reminded me of that scene from Going to America; the city looked like 1980’s metro Africa. Nothing could have prepared me for the state of their bible house. Their bible house was essentially two half houses connected with a board and covered with an open roof. This meant no amount of air conditioning would cool this place. There were no washers or dryers. Coworkers slept on a sheet on the ground. I was shocked at this place, but what shocked me more was that everyone was happier than I have ever seen. It is true, “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” They would have seen redder roses than I would have seen, and greener grass- had there been any grass to see. All the areas that could have grass were just dirt. I was astonished at their attitude towards life. Most of the people there wore clothing that appeared to have been fashionable several years ago in America. It seemed cross training shoes were absent. Shoes there seemed to be a thin and most comparable to slippers. Despite it all I never once heard anyone complain.

More Fun

The tagline for tourism in the Philippines is the titular “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” The students there would use it sarcastically. When we arrived at the resort there was a man urinating on the side wall of the resort in board daylight with several people all walking around him. I was shocked and laughed at this, when someone said “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” A day later I was walking to my room and a lizard crawled up the wall besides me. I asked if this was normal and the girl said “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” The whole tone of the conference itself could be described in this way “It’s more fun in the Philippines.” Nothing was mandatory. The schedule was set but you could have done nothing and nobody would have mentioned it to you. Friday’s schedule included a message after breakfast, then bible study. After bible study was socialization for a few hours until lunch. After lunch was music practice and free time. After dinner there was dance night. Different groups preformed dances and skits. Some of these were Christian and others were not. I saw a traditional Filipino dance. Saturday’s schedule was dance cardio before breakfast, a message after breakfast, group bible study, socialization and free time until lunch, after lunch there was music practice until dinner, after dinner there was life testimony sharing and music. The two presiders could not in any culture be said to have taken their role seriously. They joked the whole time in introducing people and everyone loved them. When they said “God is good.” You could see them glowing. It was an abrupt change from anything I have ever seen in American UBF, and “It was very good.”

The purpose of Bible study

The bible studies were very different from my home chapter, or even the chapter of the second gen I started under. When I sat down with her to study the bible I was confused. I asked her where the questionnaire was. She said there was no questionnaire. I asked her what we were going to study. She asked me what I wanted to study. The bible study was very 1 to 1, in the sense that we were on equal grounds. Although the students there seemed shy and in some cases differential to me, in bible study they spoke confidently about the gospel that gave them life.

We jumped around the bible as I explained how Christian virtues are only virtues when held under unfavorable conditions. I said that Christ can be said to love us because he loved us when he had every reason not to. Because there was no questionnaire to steer the direction of the conversation the bible study felt more organic and more real. I was not constantly on guard against questions that desired answers out of context.

Another thing I learned from the bible study is that the Shepherdess was very unfamiliar with the Old Testament. This struck me as odd at first. Later that night I had a different student leading bible study question me about what John had meant when he called us “Children of God” in 1 John. I spoke with Dr. William Altobar regarding this. It seemed to me that unqualified students were leading bible studies. He said that “Bible studies are there to build relationships between students so they can experience God.” I realized from this that I had taken up unknowingly that the purpose of bible studies was to learn about God. But in the Philippines, it was to experience God. It is important to note, but hard to see that if we have any good about us it come from God, we are like mirrors reflecting his glory.

Students are led to Christ in the Philippines by the outpouring of the Holy Spirit though students facilitated God’s word. In some sense I wonder what is best. I think that traditional UBF chapters led by native Koreans use the bible study to pass on teaching of obedience and loyalty though bible study. Traditionally it seems American protestant bible study try to pass on knowledge of the scripture though bible study. But the bible studies with Hope seemed as though she wanted to testify about Christ. No matter what we started talking about the conversation would end talking about Christ and his work in her life. Sometimes it became irritating to me. I wanted to talk about theology and she wanted to talk about Christ. The correct choice seems obvious.

In part 3 I will discuss what I learned though the messages, and the success of UBF in the Philippines.

I went to the Philippines because I was invited by a student named Rem. I spoke with her on facebook and she invited me to “see God’s work in Phil”. At first I was unsure, due to multiple factors. First I was certain I could not afford the trip, but then I received my income tax return and suddenly found myself with an extra $1000. Secondly, I was unsure if I had enough time off from work. God provided, I had exactly enough sick days combined with a day off for Good Friday to visit. Fourth, I did not want to miss my own Easter conference for theirs, but as luck would have it our conference was a weekend before. Finally, I had told my pastor that I would attend the European conference. This plane ticket would be so expensive that I would not be able to attend both. The day after Rem invited me Paul mentioned that he would pay half of the ticket to Europe. That Saturday I bought the ticket.

God’s will

I told my pastor Paul that night that I had been invited. It is a joke that I know everyone in UBF due to the internet. Paul is consistently confused how I know so many people, and I am constantly confused how he does not understand how the internet works. When I mentioned I had been invited he smiled and said “it would be good if you attended. We should pray.” This was what I expected him to say. Many months prior Paul had suggested that I go to Brazil this summer. I was excited about this. He said he would pray, and he said he would contact Brazil UBF. He never did. I kept asking about it and he kept saying “If it’s God’s will it will happen.” About a month later he changed the story up on me. Now I ought to go to Korea as a short term missionary. I was a little confused, but realized I would be going nowhere without his blessing. That December I spoke with Mark V. He said there would be a short term missionary form that would appear online in early 2014. When this was posted I mentioned it again to Paul. He said that he would bring me to Korea and accompany me for 2 weeks. This was not what I had in mind. Then he dropped the topic and I never heard about it again. I spoke with a missionary and explained that I might spend the summer in Korea, but I explained that Paul might not want me to go. He said “He might want to catch you more.”

I then realized what had happened. Paul wanted to train me as my roommate’s replacement when he was married (Mark Yang told me this directly in February) and this meant I needed to be with him here; me going abroad was not conducive to his plan. Paul would not tell me “No.” he would just say “We will pray.” Then he would do nothing to facilitate this plan. When nothing came of it, the reasoning would be that it was not God’s plan. That Sunday he told the table at lunch that I had been invited, and I mentioned I was going. He said “If its God’s plan.” I responded “Well the plane ticket it nonrefundable, so it better be God’s plan.” He said “What?! You bought the ticket? I thought you were going to pray like Jesus.” I told him I had. All he could say for the next 45 minutes was “That is good.” As if he was trying to convince himself.

My Chapter’s reaction

My chapter’s reaction was very interesting. My roommate thought that Paul was trying to do damage control for “the ignominy of you going around him”. I had told one missionary and I explained the above story of Paul’s inconsistent response to my desire to go abroad. She said “We all learn obedience to God in time.” Other missionaries were very excited and showed only positive enthusiasm for my trip. The universal response was initially confusion “Who invited you?” They all seemed very confused that a student could invite me. Then they seemed at ease when I mentioned I had been in contact with Dr. Ben Toh and Dr. William Altobar. But they then seemed confused how I knew either of them. I mentioned that I knew them from this website and from Facebook.

Paul’s Blessing

Although Paul was initially stunned at my rashness, he became very supportive. He purchased a hotel room in Tokyo for my layover. The Monday after I bought the ticket he said at bible study he would “talk to Dr. Ben Toh” and that he would “officially send me out.” It was at this moment that I realized something very important. Paul saw me as a missionary. His definition of missionary meant anyone visiting a foreign country for some Christian purpose. I did not see myself as such; I had just been invited as a guest. Since Paul believed this to be a mission trip, this made me a missionary and missionary is a title. I realized that Paul’s reluctance to send me out before was because I had not been “trained” enough to be a missionary. This all came later, but it underscores a major issue in UBF. That with native Korean leaders there is this air of unspoken rules combined with obedience mixed with poor communication. Paul remained busy hosting our Easter conference. About 5 minutes after our Easter Conference Sunday he asked that I say a few words. He asked why I was going and I explained that I had been invited. I was going to present my life testimony and testify about the grace of God in my life. Two days later I departed from America for the first time in my life. Paul called Ben Toh that morning and then things got interesting.

In part 2 I will discuss my trip and God’s work in the Philippines.

We were wrong

As a few of us former members discussed this letter, we concluded the best part was the “we were wrong” part. So I’ll start with their list of 11 admissions of wrongdoing. I must caution any excitement since those who are admitting this are the American leaders. Only two Koreans were listed on the letter. We can only conclude that the other Koreans in Toledo UBF do not admit these wrongdoings. Still, here are the admissions in the letter.

A Disengenious Form Letter

The one word we came up with for this form letter is “disingenuous“, which is an adjective meaning “not truly honest or sincere; giving the false appearance of being honest or sincere”.  Why disingenuous? Well for starters, they misspelled my name. They didn’t remember our addresses. They did not take 10 seconds and sign the paper with a pen and instead just typed some names at the bottom. Some names were glaringly left out of the letter, communicating clearly that the Koreans do not agree with the letter. The timing is horrible, coming almost 3 years too late. They sent the form letters immediately after yet another leader family in Toledo UBF left for many of the same reasons shared in my “part 2” article. And most importantly, the letter was all about them and what they are doing and what they have done and how much better they are now. Hint: An apology is not about you.

And the following statements did not help matters…

“You once participated”

So we “once participated”? Yea, once upon a time and long ago (like about 3 years ago) we gave our sweat, blood and tears to live and breathe ubf ministry for over two decades. And the changes you mention? I already know about those changes. In fact, I may know more about the “change” in Toledo UBF and ubf worldwide than you do. We former members actually know a lot more information than you realize.

“Many who left did not fully share their true concerns and hurts”

Really? We did not share dozens of pages about our true concerns (which you dismissed and did not read carefully)? Do you really want me to create another blog? How many blogs will it take to express to you my true concerns and hurts?

Where is the godly sorrow?

Ok we get it. Toledo UBF is such a Christ-governed church as your letterhead says so boldly. You have so many weaknesses and failures. But you are still a blessing? You are still being used for God’s purpose? The bible clearly teaches that godly sorrow precedes repentance. I only hear flattery, condescension and patronizing.

Apology Accepted

Ok so inspite of my “trauma trigger reaction” from receiving yet another form letter from ubf (didn’t we ubfers always receive form letters every Christmas and New Year’s?), I accept your apology. Why? Because you admit for the first time that you were wrong. Any time you want to meet in person, let me know. [Scratch that. I’ve changed my mind. Just don’t contact me ever again.]

More responses….

So since posting this article I’ve gotten some more responses.

From NM:
“My initial response to the letter of apology is first, that I appreciate the list of unhealthy practices. These show that some listening is taking place. I imagine that this list was not easy to create. I really hope this acknowledgement of unhealthy practices finds its way into practice. Although I thought the list was good, the letter did not make me feel any better. I’m still working my way through that. I think that the biggest reason is two-fold. First, almost every practice on the list was brought up in meetings before the mass exodus a few years ago, but they were dismissed. I personally remember bringing up the fact that the mission statement that came out of Korea basically said that these practices would not change. I knew this would make change difficult in Toledo. Yet, my comments were quickly and summarily dismissed. Second, the letter states, “We care about, love, and appreciate each person who participated in this ministry”. It is hard not to view this as disingenuous since it is written in an unsigned form letter. They did not know people’s addresses. They spelled Brian’s name wrong. And there is the glaring omission of Joan Park’s name. After being in the ministry and being told how much I was loved and appreciated over and over, while being dismissed and marginalized, makes this seem like more of the same.

However, it is possible that I am being completely unfair. I think the letter was an honest attempt to help those still in UBF. For myself, I’m not sure anything would make me feel better about my experience and I think my experience has left me overly critical in some respects. In the end, I think that my overall response is, “How can I respond to ensure that I have no further contact”. I don’t want to re-experience all of these negative feelings. I don’t want to read impersonal form letters. I don’t want to talk to people that use impersonal, “spiritual” language. My time is much better spent with friends who can be authentic, honest, and refuse to cloak meaning in “spiritual-speak”. These are the people and the attitudes that help me grow closer to God in spite of the fact that I find most Christians to be weird and mean.

From an anonymous friend:
-Luke 18:13, UBF people are arrogant Pharisees, they are not humble tax collectors, prostitutes and public sinners.

-The summary of the committee is definately a form letter. It has not removed subsequent members who have also left. It implies that you have been engaged in active communication with Toledo people. However, as I know from your openness, they almost tell you to F*** off – because they don’t want to speak with you. Now that is not open dialogue at all.

-The list of grievances sounds like lip service and insincere acknowledgements from sources such as your blog, ufriends and any other online website where former members can outline problems in UBF.

-Where is the public apology? I can’t see it. Oh, this electronic form letter? Really?! Public apology should be held at a formal meeting in the church with all members (including non-member students) so that the sins are truly open. Moreover, I think such apology calls for a conference or retreat. If you want an apology to be sincere “UBF style” than it absolutely must take three-four days of intense reflection and repentance on what God wants and what UBF has failed to do.

-Many who left didn’t fully share their concerns? Wtf? From what I read through the Toledo stories on ubfriends members were speaking up – but silenced until the system truly failed and something had to be done.

-They are willing to hear from people expressing grievances. They are willing to listen at the discretion and in accordance with the victims demands? Really? This sounds contradictory from realities that I am naively aware of.

-Failures were done in the name of God, but it is okay because by this such people can grow spiritually. It was God’s purpose and they love the former members more and more – yeah, right!

-Remembered and cherished – Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up! Don’t come around here no more….Basically, they are love bombing you guys to be quiet.

-Closing with great affection and love – So when are you guys going for coffee? How about a sporting event or concert? Love is shallow and empty – because they would rather….go to campus.

-At least they removed the Ohashi’s from the bottom listing. Maybe above was historical accounting.

-Finally, this is unique to Toledo chapter. It is not a unified apology from Chicago or Korea. It is neither affirmed by the top leadership nor applied so. It is difficult to know the “power” of even such a gesture since it is not coming from Chicago or Korea.Have a good day. I hope my comments don’t further your bad mood, but I had to share what struck me upon re-reading it. Talk soon.

Though I do not know who Ronwad Thicke is, I usually enjoy responding to comments made about me, especially those that are not complementary, because they are simply a lot of fun. I especially love his statement that I “still cannot help but fall on (my) own sword for Samuel Lee.” By the way, I think that some traditional UBFers would love such a statement, though I seriously doubt that they would believe that it is true of me! Anyway, here is my brief response.

I attended the memorial service because I was personally invited to attend by a son-in-law of Samuel Lee who has always treated me graciously and warmly. Did I consider not attending this service? I do not know. But since I was personally invited I did not have any hesitation whatsoever to attend.

Besides being personally invited, why did I attend the memorial service? The primary reason would be the fact that God used Samuel Lee in countless ways to influence me toward a Christ-like life from 1980 when I first became a Christian to 2002 when he died. Though it freaked me out at the time, Lee helped me to marry by faith, which was the best thing I ever did, after accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior. Beyond that, Lee had the single most profound influence on my Christian life. Despite his authoritarianism, his life was the most formative, foundational, positive, spirited and inspiring Christian influence on me. He prompted in me my love, delight and study of Scripture (Ps 1:2). He repeatedly stressed an intentional life lived for the kingdom of God (Mk 1:15) through making disciples (Mt 28:19), which I love to this day. Therefore, in his mentoring of me over the last 22 years of his life, I am profoundly grateful and thankful for his endless and tireless labor, love and prayer for me, my family and my fellowship (1 Th 5:18).

Yes, there are things that I do not agree with nor approve of that were done by him or other UBF leaders, such as recently shared about in Toledo or Yekaterinburg or the way some leaders think that it is their absolute God-given right to dictate and control the marriages of their members in the name of marriage by faith, as though that is an absolute non-negotiable biblical mandate. From time to time I will seriously address them in person, privately, publicly, unashamedly, clearly and repeatedly (much to the chagrin of some current UBF leaders!). UBF should know that they taught me doggedness to the point of death (Rev 2:10)!

I know full well that I am threading a very delicate and fine line. I love my brothers and sisters who are still in UBF. I also love those who were hurt by UBF and have since left UBF. More and more I also wish to get to know and love non-UBF Christians and especially non-Christians. Obviously, I do all of the above imperfectly, poorly and quite messily.

In my mind, I believe that my participation at the memorial service simply reflects my love, gratitude and respect for my former mentor, his family and current UBF people.

I do not believe that I compromised my Christian faith nor advocated bad and unbiblical practices. Am I? If I am, then I stand to be corrected and exhorted (as Ronwad Thicke did).

When the church becomes ugly

White boy sheep and HNWs. This reflection exposed my perspective and practice of Christian life. For two decades I was only interested in reaching, evangelizing and discipling young Caucasian Americans. The so-called “presentable parts” (1 Cor 12:24a) were the white boy sheep and HNWs (holy nation women or white women), terminology I no longer use. Thus, I ignored or despised anyone who is not white. They were “the parts that we think are less honorable” and “the parts that are unpresentable” (1 Cor 12:23). The most offensive term I ever coined (for which I am ashamed and speechless) is “paddies”–my short form for anyone who is not white. Their singular purpose as far as I was concerned was to “pad the number for our Sun church attendants”–“paddies.” To think that I never ever considered this offensive or racist for the longest time still daunts me. Even now I quiver with personal nauseating disgust and trepidation as I type this.

Exemplary. When I thought in such discriminatory ways I clearly was not a church for the less honorable, the unpresentable (1 Cor 12:23-24), the poor, the marginalized, the less fortunate, the ignored, the hurt, the wounded, the broken. I was only interested in young whites–the so-called “leadership material”–because they would make me, the fellowship leader, look good to the church. Since my fellowship had the most young white college kids for a couple of decades I became a sort of poster boy and was a so-called “exemplary shepherd” of an “exemplary fellowship.”

Sick caricature. My justification was that I wanted to raise future white young UBF leaders. The sad result of such a mentality is the caricature of other souls who were not white. Once I heard it said that one who is not white is worth one tenth of a white person. A few weeks ago I heard someone in the church being referred to as “a mental patient,” though she is a lovely young girl who was sadly physically abused as a child. A girl who is not white shared how some would move away from her after church, because they did not want to pray with her two by two. Such painful sentiments clouded my own perspective of people to the extent that I even ignored my own family. (Well, it is because they are not a white boy sheep or a HNW!)

Happy. Today, only by God’s mercy and grace, I am genuinely happy to meet anyone. I was happy to meet my Jewish patient. I am so happy to meet any non-Christian with no agenda other than to be friends. I do not wish to be an elitist church. As our West Loop UBF Church catchphrase says, we want to live out the gospel in life and community with no discrimination. Rather, we pray to especially welcome the less honorable and the unpresentable (1 Cor 12:23-24).

What has your experience been with welcoming the less honorable and the unpresentable?

This convicted and troubled me greatly. It is because after I became a Christian, I cut off anyone and everyone who would not study the Bible, including my own family and old friends. I not only did not have non-Christian friends; in fact I had no friends outside of UBF.

The first thing I did was to reconnect with some of my friends from my past. I have a childhood friend in Singapore who is an atheist. We have known each other for 50 years. But I intentionally broke off all contact with him for 25 years. So I started visiting him again whenever I went back to Singapore to visit my mother in Malaysia. We restored our friendship. I also made friends with a doctor who is my mother’s neighbor. Though he is not religious, I learn much from him, especially about dealing with conflict. Obviously, I still have a long way to go! We became friends.

I also greatly offended my parents and only sibling, a brother. I did not regard them as my own family, since UBF became my spiritual family. I would not visit them in my home country for two decades. I thought I was making a statement as a Christian. My mother once said to me, “My non-Christian friends treat me better than you…and you are a Christian.” My older brother threatened to disown me. At that time, I was unfazed by such statements, reasoning that Jesus was greatly misunderstood by his own mother and brothers.

I started visiting my family and relatives again in Malaysia and Singapore. I wanted to restore the relationships I had intentionally broken. Today, I thank God that my family and old friends no longer think I am rude or self-righteous, while still respecting me as a Christian.

Last week, a girl from church brought her room-mate to meet me. He grew up Buddhist. He claims to be non-religious. If I had met such a person in the past, I would have argued with him intensely to prove that Christ is the way. Our encounter would have been one and done. He would have left angry and distraught. But when I met him I decided to just listen to him and share stories and life freely without any agenda. We laughed a lot together. After meeting him, he asked to meet me regularly because he has many questions about Christianity to ask me. I was pleasantly surprised. The girl who brought him told me privately that he likes meeting with me. When I did not try to prove Christianity to him, he became open and curious about Christianity. Perhaps, we even became friends after just meeting once.

(Over the years I have had dozens of 1:1 Bible study where the “sheep” would meet me once but not twice. I wasn’t sure why. I thought it was because I was crystal clear. Finally, I think I know why!)

For sure I have a long way to go in making friends with non-Christians (or even with Christians!). But in the last few years, I realize that making friends with non-religious people is such an enriching experience. Sometimes they even seem “nicer” than some Christians!

Jesus regarded his disciples as his friends, not his servants or subordinates (Jn 15:15). God is not discriminatory. “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Mt 5:45). Paul says that God “has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy” (Acts 14:17). God is good to all. Shouldn’t I do the same?

Do you have non-religious people who regard you as their best friend?

How An Older Christian Can Be An Effective Member In An Intergenerational Mission Team

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (Jn 13:34-35).

In June 2013, I was blessed to be part of an exploratory team to Northern Canada to explore the feasibility of sending missionaries to the Aboriginal people. There were five of us. Two of the members, the pastor and myself, are in our forties. The other three were in their mid twenties. We were all from the white, middle class suburbia of a Midwest university town nestled in the midst of corn fields. The trip lasted for eight days. We drove together for 15 hours, stayed in hotels, in two cabins, road in a train for 18 hours, and drove home 15 hours. We were in close proximity. We had many things in common, like a common faith in Jesus and a common calling to the North and a desire to serve Christ in the region. But there were differences. There was a generational difference; a difference in our theological training, the pastor has a Phd and heads up a 300 member non-denominational Bible church. I am a lay person in the church having experience in “tent making” and “house church” ministry, and the younger people are Campus Crusade for Christ grads and receiving missionary training at a missions agency. We are different and we would never have to face these differences and grow through them unless we were flung into a mission together, by God. The eight days of being in close proximity was indeed a blessing and a growing experience which I thank God for. I profoundly learned so many lessons about being an older Christian on an intergenerational gospel mission team and I was inspired to share what I learned through my experience. This article will touch upon nine areas that people need to concern about when they become part of such a team. They are:

1. Realize that there is a generational gap;
2. Find God’s will;
3. Be  a team supporter;
4. Serve others;
5. Be ready to sacrifice;
6. Think about the needs of other members in the team;
7. Have a spiritual relationship;
8. Build honest and sincere relationships;
9. Control your sinful nature.

May God establish countless intergenerational Gospel mission teams so that the Gospel of Jesus Christ may spread throughout the world.

Part 1: Biblical Foundation for Operating In an Inter-generational Gospel Team

As a key verse for this article, I chose John 13:34-35. I think this command is the basis for any ongoing team effort to reveal Jesus to an unbelieving world. In this passage, Jesus gave his disciples a new command. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disci­ples, if you love one another.” (ESV) Until now the disciples had concentrated on their personal relationship with Jesus. Each one had formed an intimate relationship with Jesus. But now it was time for them to learn to love one another. It was time for them to care for one another, overcoming any self-cen­ter­edness. Jesus wanted them to love one another as he had loved them. This is the power source of loving other believers that we are called to work with.

It was not easy to love each other. The disciples had come from varied backgrounds. They were from different age groups. They had different preferences and pet peeves. They were living in close proximity for over three years. It might have been very hard to learn to love one another. Peter and John competed with each other to receive Jesus’ love and to be recognized as leaders. They would both have to learn how to humble themselves to love the other person and build him up. Matthew the tax collector and Simon the Zealot were natural adversaries. But Simon would have to learn to curb his patriotism and Matthew would have to learn how to sacrifice for the sake of others. How could they possibly learn to love one another? The key…remembering Jesus and how he had loved each of them.

Jesus’ command to “Love one another” is not an option as a Christian. They had to struggle to love one another as an absolute command of Jesus. In other words, in any circumstance they had to love one another. We live in a generation that is motivated by feelings. Many people are will­ing to love others when they feel love in their hearts. But we cannot obey Jesus’ command only when we feel like it. We must obey this com­mand even when we don’t feel like it.

By loving each other with God’s love, all people will know that they are disciples of Jesus. When the love of Jesus circulated within and among them, they could have Jesus in their midst and thus reveal Jesus’ love to the world. Even though Je­sus would not be with them in the flesh, the Spirit of Jesus, which mani­fests the holy love of God, would be with them. The Spirit of Jesus’ love would mark them as unique among all people in the world and people would take notice. And that is why, loving one another with God’s, unconditional, holy love, is so important. It is the way that God wants to advertise the gospel to those whom we are called to share it with.

Part ll: Learning How To Apply Jesus’ Command In An Inter-generational Team

I thank God for the opportunity to learn some of these principles of living as a team of Jesus’ disciples, when I went on the eight day exploratory journey to Northern Ontario. The nuances of team building became very real to me. I discovered many things about myself and areas that I need to grow in. I want to share the things that I learned, as an older disciple, with you.

1. Realize that there is a generational gap.

To all you older Christians, you are not as “in the know” as you think you are. There have been advances in technology that I am not even aware of. The younger people had constant access to their smart phone. If we were having a conversation, it was a matter of seconds before the correct information was accessed on their phones. When a question came up they reacted quickly with the exact answer backed up by a web site. If directions were needed, the exact directions are summoned within seconds, by the young person. This can be very disconcerting, even threatening, to an older person, who is used to being the expert in knowledge among younger people.

There is also other media. In the truck we were sharing our music. I didn’t know I could hook my iPod up to the stereo system. To the young people, it seemed like second nature. It made the older person feel a little more out of the mix. I need to realize that the young people are more capable than someone twice their age in many areas. Be up on the latest technology. Young people will spend hours to try to find a connection. They will walk in a rain storm to find a connection. Respect that. They will be able to find any street in any town, anywhere on planet earth. They will be able to do things with car stereo or a smart phone that you would never dream could be done. What does this mean practically? Allow yourself to be humbled by their accuracy and quick answers. Just look, listen and learn. Determine to be on a continual, lifelong learning trajectory. Learn to be quiet…listen and learn and realize that you are in need to be taught by young people.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reads, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:” There are seasons even in your life in ministry. You may not think that you are on the way out…but you are. In one sense we are on the way out in a certain season in our lives, but entering another season. We tend to think that we will always be the leaders blazing the path. But we are being phased out of certain areas of ministry to become engaged in another. That is good news actually. Be aware of what season of life you are in and serve God accordingly. Beware of always remaining in the same season decade after decade. The more mature Christians may be able to offer things like advice, counseling, and wisdom, and serve in supportive functions, that comes from being twenty years or more ahead of others on the journey of life.

There is a certain season that you are in, that God wants to use you in a unique way.  People in the 70’s are now using their connections and relationships they have built over the years to introduce younger people to the mission field.  They are providing the expertise, the recommendations, the education, the cultural sensitivity training. The people in the 40’s to 60’s are forming the new networks. They are supporting the younger missionaries. They are opening up the roads to the mission field and in some cases holding out the vision and providing the support.

I know from my own family, the kids are learning from experiencing life with us. But they are more interested in their parents playing supportive roles and learning from their example. That could be a good way to think about how to mentor a new generation of missionaries. Borrowing an analogy from a friend’s description of Native ministry, mentoring could be like taking off in an airplane. The younger Christian is in the driver’s seat. They take off. They fly the plane and land it. The more mature Christian is in the passenger seat with his hand ready to take control in case of danger or an emergency and to give advice when asked. What do you think of this analogy? Is it appropriate in mentoring this new generation of missionaries?

Being aware of the generation gap, we need to make efforts to bridge that generation gap. Take time out to listen to other peoples’ music and appreciate it. The preferences you have are formed by your experiences. They grew up experiencing other things. They may not feel the same way about Eric Clapton or Keith Green as you do, nor should they. When we were riding we were listening to the Trews. (http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/) The younger people listened to a whole Eric Clapton album.  Be willing to let go of control of the music to the younger people. Don’t impose your preferences too much. Listen to others and respect them their choices. Give honor and deference to those whom God is raising up. And to be certain, that person will be younger than you are.

Don’t just groom a young person so they can be just like you to take your place of leadership in your idea of ministry. They do this in countries like Cuba. Let the young people be who they are. The world is different place than when you were a young Christian leader. The culture is changing. The younger Christian knows how to navigate the culture, without compromising the gospel, better than you can. They are coming onto the scene with a whole bunch of skills that the mission desperately needs. (That you can not even conjure up.)

Accept the fact that there will be different ways to live out a devotional life while on a team. I come from two decades of group, formal, morning, prayer meetings, singing out of a hymnal and praying from lists of prayer topics. My choice in doing devotionals is group oriented and formal. On the exploratory team I brought a hymnal with me. I was expecting to sing with others. But this was not the case. I discovered that young people are not into singing hymns together from a hymn book. And do you know what? That is OK. I need to be broad minded and accept all forms of personal devotion while living as a member of a team. I just took my hymn book, went to the edge of the forest and sang to God, the birds, the insects and the trees. It was very comforting.

Don’t become angry when faced with generational preferences being expressed. I have known a church dividing when the younger generation wanted to express their faith in a new way. The older generation became inflexible and even angry at the prospect of change. This turned off the young people. I think it is because the older peoples’ reaction robbed them of hope. The church lost 40% of their members because of the older generation’s lack of flexibility. In the words of the band REO Speedwagon, “turn the page and roll with the changes.”

2. Find God’s will

We must find the Missio Dei, for each of us, personally, and engage in it. God is growing his church and be content and patient with what God is doing in your life and you ministry. Don’t get ahead of the Spirit. Trust God and pray through each step of the next leg of your journey.

Don’t push your own personal goal and agenda. I mean, don’t project your own dreams for your ministry on others. Accept what God is doing in the hearts of the people who have been brought into your team. Accept what the people are offering. This is a very personal to me. I am a father of five and I was heading up a single family house church ministry for twelve years with my family members being the main players in ministry. I was projecting my own hopes for my ministry on them, with no concern about what God wanted for them. I cared very little about their personal calling. The end result of this venture was constant demands, judgment and criticism. It led to broken relationships with those close to me.
But God came to my rescue. A very wise, senior missionary lady gave me advice. When I was inquiring how to apply basic rules in my home, she told me to let go of my rules. She meant to be graceful, trust God and let people be free to follow the Lord as they have been called. I was so enmeshed in my old way of thinking that it literally took me two years to get out of it. At first I was losing all hope for ministry. But God helped me to stop projecting my hopes and dreams on others. On this last journey I could begin to understand God’s purpose in all of this. By his grace, I could become a more graceful mentor to younger Christians. I could be used by God to nurture what He is doing and not what I want to happen. I can let God be God and let people grow according to his grace. I still have a long way to go, but I praise Jesus for leading me on this path and using this exploratory journey to teach me why all of this was happening to me over the past two years.

3. Be a team supporter

Like I touched up in the previous section, maybe God has been preparing you, as an older Christian, to mentor and support young missionary teams with much prayer, grace, service and support. This is an excellent way to be team supporter. Listen to how Paul and his team supported the new believers in Thessalonica, “You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. ¹¹ For you know how, like a father with his children, ¹² we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.” 1 Thess 2:13-14. (ESV) Not that the other members of the team are children, for they are not, but the point is, older Christians are called to certain role within a team.

Older Christians can be good counselors. I saw the importance of this on trip. Young people want someone to talk to. They are searching for their calling. They want to know how and where to devote their energies. They want to bounce their ideas off of someone. They want feedback. Who doesn’t want all of these things? That is why they will benefit from older Christians to talk to. Older Christians need the confidence to be able to talk to the young people, meeting them where they are and helping then to talk through various issues. They must know they have something valuable to share and engage in conversation. After all God didn’t infuse 40 to 50 years of experience into your life for nothing. Share it with others.

If you can not counsel, then you have to make a supportive environment.  Set the example for others. Participate with your whole heart in worship, prayer, evangelism, outreach and giving. The young people are watching and learning from the older Christian.

Find your unique roll in the mission. The older Christian may not be called to go to an inaccessible region (or maybe they are), but they may be very effective in creating a home base for further operations. The years of experience will have made them better diplomats. They may be very effective in networking with area Christians and churches. I could see this as my role as an older Christian.

The older Christian may be used to be a visionary, planting that vision in other peoples’ hearts. Act 2:17-18 read, “And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams; ¹⁸ even on my male servantsand female servants in those days I will pour out my Spirit, and they shall prophesy.” We can see these verses working out among the members of our team. God’s spirit is being poured out on all. The young members of our team are full of vision to see the Gospel expand to remote places in Northern Canada. The older members of the team also have visions to see a vast network formed and a mission’s movement formed among the members of the local churches. Both groups want the word of God preached to the people of this present generation.

As we follow the Missio Dei, we may frequently ask ourselves, “What next?” The older person may be the one to present informed options and direction as to where to turn next. They have the experience.

4. Serve others

The older Christian has a great opportunity to serve others on the team, learning of Christ. Luke 22:25-27 reads, “And he said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. ²⁶ But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves. ²⁷ For who is the greater, one who reclines at table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at table? But I am among you as the one who serves.” (ESV) It is easy for the older Christian to expect to be served while on a team. After all, they have spent decades being served by their spouses, children and possibly even the church. After a while, serving may not come naturally. They may even feel that serving in certain ways may be beneath them. But Jesus says that the greatest among us is the one who serves, no matter what the age. Being on a team is an excellent opportunity for the older Christian to serve the younger members of the team. One should be ready to serve, taking up the humble role. Here are some examples I learned to serve on our team: make the hotel room a home away from home. Make the whole experience as comfortable as possible. Wash the dishes without being asked. (even the pan nobody wants to touch.) Clean the grill. Cook a meal.  Offer to buy coffee or a doughnut for someone. Pray with other team members. Provide counseling or a listening ear. Carry some bags. There are countless ways to serve others in Jesus’ name.

5. Be ready to sacrifice

John 15:12-13 reads, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Laying down your life for your friends involves denying yourself. There are ample opportunities to practice this while on a team. I am the kind of person that easily goes into sensory overload. When I do, I want to shut down and retreat to a quiet place to recoup. When I am networking with other people, sometimes I feel like I cannot engage in another conversation or visit another person. But that may not be possible on a team. Sometimes I didn’t feel like going to visit another person. I just wanted to do back to my hotel room and rest. But I learned that one way I could lay down my life is to remain engaged when necessary, going that extra mile. What about denying your own ideas and opinion and plans?

Give of your money. It is going to cost you to engage in mission with a team. There is not only providing for your needs, like housing, food and transportation, there are also costs like paying for dinner with someone you hope to network with. When one person is going to pay for the meal, God may be moving your heart to contribute to covering the cost. On one visit, $40 was given to the coffee fund of people whom we visited. There are offerings at the churches we visit. You will need a lot of money. The older Christian usually has more resources and income. The younger members are trying to raise support. Stinginess is not conducive to being an older member on a Gospel mission. Be willing to sacrifice. Give it up older Christians!

6. Think about the needs of other members in the team.

There are intergenerational needs.  If you are older you need to consider yourself like an older brother or sister on the team.  With this in mind, try to relate and talk, engaging individuals in conversation.  Pray for others. Don’t be isolated or individualistic. After all you are part of a team and the greater Christian family.

Keep your shared living space clean. You are not living by yourself. You are living temporarily with someone you barely know. Think about that.

As an older Christian, consider your snoring. If you are older and little over weight the chances are you snore and the other younger people do not. Tell the other person, “It is ok to hit me with a pillow if I snore.”

Be mindful of others family relations. If you are driving by the town of a team member ask them if they want to visit their family member. Take a little time out to think about their social needs.

7. Encourage one another in a spiritual relationship

Team members could encourage one another spiritually. 1 Thessalonians 5:10-11, “who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. ¹¹ Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” and Hebrews 10:24-25, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (ESV)

A team is a perfect place to encourage one another. We were in close proximity for eight days. Matt, my roommate, prayed together for several nights. We could encourage one another by setting the example for others. Set the example in prayer, in worship and in participation. Get into discussions. Get into the group. An older Christian may provide printed learning material, but don’t push it on others. Develop it and present it and allow people to digest it as they desire.

8. Build honest and sincere relationships

If there is one thing that younger Christians want are open and honest relationships. Older people don’t want to share their struggles with younger people. But especially in regards to a team, they need to.  Share about your personal struggles. Be real. People appreciate authenticity. They may even identify with you in your struggles and your struggles may help to show them the way.  After all you are 20 years plus ahead of them on their journey. I was blessed when one girl asked my “Story” while were eating. It was a way that I could share my life testimony on how I met Jesus. I could also share my feelings. When I felt like “shutting down” I told others how I feel. I think they appreciated that.

Don’t always be so serious. I believe Jesus laughed a lot. Laughing is from God. Laughing is good for you in so many ways. On the team we had a lot of good laughs. We shared about some awkward experiences in ministry. We laughed about mosquitoes. We confessed what was on our I-pods. There were times when we laughed until we were in tears. As an older person on a team, show your humorous side. Cut a few jokes. If you don’t know any equip yourself with an internet search. A little humor goes a long way.

Sometimes we feel awkward communicating. But my advice is keep communicating. God will help you to relate.

9. Control your sinful nature

When we are on a Christian mission, there is always a spiritual battle going on. 1 Peter 5:8 reads, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (ESV) Every team has a prayer and goal to reveal Jesus and to proclaim the kingdom of God. But be aware that there are spiritual forces that want nothing more than to destroy the fledgling work that God has begun to grow through your team. Paul says it well when he states in Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ^“ (ESV)  We need to always be aware where the battle is being fought. The schemes of the devil almost always occur in the battleground of our own hearts and minds. The arena can be within the interpersonal relationships of our own team members. But there are some ways to thwart the devil’s schemes.

Some ways are revealed in Ephesians 6:10-13 which read, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.”(ESV)

First, Ephesians 6:10 reads, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.” This battle is between powerful spiritual forces. We can never stand our ground without depending in God. We must know the fragility of what you are trying to accomplish through our team. For example, harboring negative emotions like, pride can bring everything down. One moment of expressed anger can ruin decades of future co-working. These are things that we find hard to control and may well up in a moment’s notice. Paul exhorts the Ephesians to be strong in the Lord and the strength of his might. Our God is the Almighty Creator of the heavens and the earth. He is alive and active in his creation. He has a deep concern for his people and listens attentively for their prayers. He is ready, willing and able to help us be spiritually strong. It is his might working in us. May we always depend on the Lord.

Second, we must put on the full armor of God. Look at verse 11, “Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.” It would require a whole other article to describe each piece of the armor. But the point I would like to make here is that God provides pieces of spiritual armor that are effective in protecting us from forces of evil. They are put on through faith. The armor that God prescribes is complete and we must don the whole outfit. Again, we must depend on God and what the Lord has provided.

Third, “Having done all”. Look at verse 13, “Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.”  Knowing that God is there to defend us and knowing that the armor he provides is all sufficient in defending us against the devil’s schemes, does not excuse us from engaging ourselves in the spiritual battle. Verses 13b, “…and having done all, to stand firm.”  God does not just want us to lay there like dead fish floating downstream. He wants his people to be like living fish, swimming upstream. We can stand by engaging our faith. This involves many things, but some basics are prayer, which should be like breathing for us, studying the word and putting it into practice, reversing the trend towards isolation by building relationships, loving and serving one another in Christ’s name, trusting in God, seeking his wisdom and so on and so on. We should not do these things sluggishly or casually, but “Having done all”.  Apply your God given passion.

Fourth, be strengthened in the grace of God. Read Paul’s advice to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:1-3, “You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, ² and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful menwho will be able to teach others also. ³ Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” (ESV) Be strengthened in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. We must take deep root in the grace of Jesus. What has Jesus done for each of us? He has granted us the complete forgiveness of sins. He has brought us into his kingdom and with it, eternal life. He is guiding us along the most blessed, fruitful path as we are passing through this world. He floods our hearts with, love, hope, truth, revelation and meaning. He brings convergence in our lives. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! God is good. Knowing the gifts that have literally been poured out on us, though we are undeserving, is pure grace. Being able to be part of an intergenerational team is pure grace. Knowing what we have been saved from, were it not for the grace of God, and being filled with thanksgiving, is part of being strong in the grace of God is all about. This is one way to stand against the devil’s schemes.

When we are on a Christian mission with others we must know ourselves and our sinful tendencies. Know that you have a tendency to be judgmental, competitive, and attention seeking. Here are a few of my spiritual weaknesses that I discovered in myself as I participated on a Christian team.

Don’t compete. I wanted to compete with others in my heart. Don’t do this. Those with 20, 30 or 40 more years more experience with the gospel may be more skilled and have more experience, but you must know that you are not the future of the mission, the younger person is. Anyone with a PhD knows that the more they learn the more aware they are of what they don’t know. Greater learning should make one more humble and dependent on Christ. The younger person’s passion and exuberance, along with their vision and ability to navigate the culture will trump your experience. God will move in the hearts of those we are called to minister to better than you can ever do. For example, I have heard it said that the average age of people in First Nation’s communities is fifteen.  Who are they going to relate to better, the 40-60 year old Christian or the 25 year old Christian couple? The answer is obvious.

Don’t envy. The young person may be more formally trained. They may be getting more attention from the other leaders (for they are the hope of the future), but don’t envy. The older Christian’s role is very important. It most likely will be a “behind the scenes” supportive role. But it is vitally important. Even if you don’t receive the recognition that you think you deserve, you are appreciated and are helping to lay the foundation for future missions. You may be in a different season of life. God wants to use you in different ways. Accept that. Don’t be envious of others whom God is using in different ways. They are in another season of life. They have another calling. Don’t reminisce about the past. Be content with how God is using you now and wants to use you in the future.

Don’t project your own hopes and dreams on others. Here is a big one that has tainted relationships for me in the past. Don’t push your own goal and your own agenda on the younger believer. Accept what God is doing and what people are offering. If you have your own goal and time table, you may find yourself pushing people with unreal expectations and even becoming angry, judgment and disappointed with other people on a daily basis. The younger person will sense this and become resentful or feel pushed into doing something that is not actually from God. They may do things to simply to please the older Christian. That will never be a lasting work of God. It is artificial. You may be projecting your own goals even while losing touch with the culture that is developing around you. Remain humble and keep in step with the Spirit.

Trust God’s Timing, and not ours. Jesus likened the Kingdom of God to a mustard seed. Matthew 13:31-32 reads, “…The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. ³² Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.” (NIV) When a farmer plants the seed, he plants in faith. He knows that the seed has such great potential. He trusts God, that when he plants the seed and waters it, it will produce a crop. But time is needed. “When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. ³⁸ But God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body.” (1 Cor 15:37) God gives the seed a body as he has determined. It happens in his way and in his time. A few seeds have been planted. Now God is making it grow. We need to just pray and wait in the Lord to unfold things as he has determined. Now is the time to enjoy watching the seeds that were planted as they bear fruit. That is the attitude we must have in regards to our approach to being a member of a Christian team. We must be patient with what God is doing on the mission field and also in peoples’ hearts, especially in the hearts of each team member. Always remember the words of Paul, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (ESV; Php 1:6)

Conclusion:

In conclusion, I want to refer once again to our key verse John 13:34,35, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. ³⁵ By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (ESV)  On a Christian mission we are all part of a team. We are disciples of Jesus called to proclaim the kingdom of God together. The best way to do this is to love one another. If we love one another with Christ’s love, then we can have unity and as we serve the mission, the whole world will know that we are disciples of Jesus. We can present the Gospel with a united front and the world will listen. Coming into close proximity, in a Christian team, makes loving one another more difficult. Having people from differing generations adds to that difficulty. But when we come together with faith in our hearts and with a desire to glorify Jesus, God will help us love one another and glorify the name of Jesus together.

A Clear ubf Teaching: more work=more blessing

This ubf teaching is “based on the Bible”. Matthew 25:21 says, “His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord”. The ubf chapter director taught us many times that:

“The kingdom of God is not communist, it is capitalist. It is a kingdom of justice. So the more you work the more you have. The more you do to feed sheep the much reward you will receive from God in heaven. There is no equality in the kingdom of God. The more one served on the earth the more he will have in heaven. The more you serve on the earth the higher you’ll have the position in the kingdom of God. And who serve God more than ubf missionaries? Nobody! Many have become even enemies of the cross. But ubf missionaries sacrificially serve God’s world mission. They will have the highest reward in the kingdom of God and will be the rulers over many”.

I want to provide some practical application of this ubf teaching which the director also gave us. Once I fished a new sheep. And the director told me “to give the sheep to the missionary because he will serve the sheep better than you”. I asked a simple question, “Why?”. So there was a special meeting in the chapter to help this proud shepherd. Four Korean missionaries and one proud Russian shepherd participated. The director asked the shepherd, “What do you think who is higher and better before God: a missionary or a native shepherd?” The shepherd answered, “I believe that a man can become a shepherd or a missionary only by God’s grace and in this grace missionaries and shepherds are equal”. The director said (or rather yelled)…

“What?! How could you even think this way?! You are proud like Satan! A shepherd can never become equal to a missionary, never! Every missionary sacrificed his homeland, left his country and went to another country as a missionary. This alone makes every missionary much higher than any shepherd before God. And what, do you think that a shepherd can become equal with a missionary in the kingdom of God?! Never! Missionaries sacrificed more and that’s why before God whatever you do you will always be lower than missionaries! You are just a shepherd, a low soldier, and missionaries are like generals”.

Then the director explained to me that because I cannot become equal to a missionary then it doesn’t matter if I give my sheep to the missionary. I should devote myself to more fishing (anyway my heavenly reward will be low no matter what I do).

Another missionary told me that if I give a sheep to the director then God will give me two other sheep instead. This missionary had already given his two sheep (who were shepherds at the time) to the director and was never able to fish a new sheep since that. The director never had a sheep whom he fished himself. He simply took all the sheep in the chapter to himself. And he said very often that he raised many disciples in Russia, “not like you, lazy shepherds who are busy with I don’t know what! You are cursed because you are not fulfilling your mission and are more busy with your jobs!”.

A servant among you?

Another basis for the teaching is John 13. Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. Then He said, “Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet”. And “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him”.

The director taught us in this way:

“Look, I serve the whole chapter with the word of God and deliver the messages every Sunday. So I am like a servant among you. You are like masters. But who is higher before God: you or me? Of course it is me because I serve you”. Then, “Look, the servant is not greater than his lord. It is the same as in a family. Father brings his son up. He wants his son to grow up well. But whatever the son does he will be always the son. He will never become equal to his father. He will never become greater than his father. I see that you can become a great servant of God but for me you will always be like a son and I will always be like a father for you. I can have peace and not be afraid of your spiritual growth because you can never overgrow me. And you can grow only when I grow and train you well. So if you grow that means that I grow even more and train you well”.

The kingdom of unity and equality and love

Last week we had a group Bible study about the kingdom of heaven. And we talked about the beauty and attractiveness of God’s kingdom. We thought about the unity and equality and love in the Trinity of God. The kingdom of unity and equality and love is very attractive. Everyone would want to live in such a kingdom. It is the true paradise. And if a church is at least like a shadow of this kingdom of God then many people would want to be part of the church, part of the brotherhood of love. But I said, “You know, Korean missionaries believe that there must be hierarchy in the church and there will be hierarchy in the kingdom of heaven. They believe that they will have very high positions in heaven and will rule over many simple people like we are. So if that be true would you like to enter such kingdom of heaven and live there forever?”.

Guess what the reaction was… Everyone agreed that such a kingdom with Korean rulers would be very unattractive. And everyone agreed that this hierarchy and lording over and pride of Korean directors led the native people out of the ubf chapter. (btw if you make a google search for Presbyterian churches in Moscow you will find about 60 of them and absolutely all of them have Korean pastors/directors and mostly each of them consists of only the Korean pastor’s family. These churches with Korean pastors don’t attract anyone in Moscow and it is not difficult to guess why).

As I thought about this ubf teaching, I began to understand why ubf directors act the way they act. They will never wish to “let the natives lead” and will never wish to let the Holy Spirit lead and will never wish to let Jesus be the King and the Lord in the life of believers because if they let they will lose their reward in heaven. If they lose their high directors’ positions on earth then they believe they will lose their high positions in heaven. If they lose their authority on earth then they will be simply losers, in this life and even in the life everlasting. I understand why ubf directors like being in photos so much (in the special places of honor and leadership), why they like reports so much. I understand why there is such a competitive atmosphere in ubf. I understand why ubf like to pray about numbers.

Do you share the Korean missionaries’ beliefs about the kingdom of God? Do you think these beliefs are based on the Bible? Would you like to participate in the competitive and number seeking labour and other ubf activities? Is the kingdom of God more like capitalist or communist?  Is the kingdom of God more like the Trinity or like an eternal hierarchy? Is the kingdom of God more like Christian or Confucian? Would you like to join or stay in such a Korean church with such a teaching and beliefs?

I cared. I still do. I love each and every one of these people deeply. I love each and every person in Toledo UBF deeply. It pains me even more deeply to see the flesh of the Body of Christ torn asunder by the abuse of power and authority and by the apathetic attitude of the very people who call themselves shepherds. 

I also care deeply about the “giants” who also left. The last leaders to leave Toledo UBF were the “ancestors”–the Gambers and the Wilsons (If they or others share something with me I reserve the right to post a “part 3” here)

My resignation as director of Detroit UBF came after over 4 months of intense discussions. I tried everything I could to bring attention to the problems these friends were expressing. I sent over 500 emails. My wife and I met SB in person for over 6 hours. I drove to Toledo. I later drove to Chicago.

I couldn’t believe I was witnessing the same pseudo-religious, political manipulations I had witnessed during the departures of 13 prior leader families who had left Toledo UBF from 1990 to 2007. In fact, I was stunned to see that I was watching the 1990 events all over again.

During  my last UBF worship service in Toledo UBF, I left early. Before I left, I said to the person sitting next to me who had experienced much anguish over these events: “I won’t let this go”. To this day, two years later, I’ve kept that promise. So without further ado, here is our story. Please listen. Please do not pour salt on our wounds. Please see our concerns.

A 14 Page Letter

“See previous 14 page letter and Emily’s letter. We did it, it wasted my time.”
–submitted by TF

Letter to the Committee 

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Recently it was asked in the Committee meeting what issues I have that have led to my decisions and current separation from Toledo ministry. I would like to share those reasons clearly with you. I share them in the spirit of love and hope.

My primary concern with Toledo UBF is the ministry of God’s word. Since November, I have had a large burden on my heart about the word of God that was being preached in the Sunday worship service. On many occasions, I felt that the gospel was not being made clear and that God’s grace was often overshadowed by our works. Frequently the emphasis is on our response, what we do. It is often expressed using words like “must” “need” “absolute.” The problem is that these words are condemning unless the focus remains on the love and grace of Jesus. Because as we all know, our works must flow out of love, not even out of obedience. It is a careful balance that must be maintained every day.

For example when we studied John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me” the emphasis was on the command “do not” instead of God’s invitation to trust in him instead of worrying. The idea that we can “not” worry by our own effort, by our faith, by our strength, by obedience to God’s command, takes away our very need for a Savior. God knows our hearts are troubled so He invites us to trust in him. Similarly, when we studied John 13:34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” the focus was on the word “must” not the word “love.”

As Paul writes, “If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:2). Even if we could never worry or constantly even treat everyone well by our own behavior, Paul makes it clear, it is worthless without Christ’s love being at the center. The focus on what we should be able to do by faith, out of obedience, becomes a source of condemnation if it is not intimately tied to Christ’s love. These may seem like small semantic problems but they are not small when the result is an unclear gospel and feelings of burden and condemnation.

I believe that the balance of faith and works and love in our ministry is in trouble and I think that the root of that problem is in the ministry of God’s word. For several years, we have gone from messenger to messenger as Pastor Paul has travelled. While this in itself is not a problem, the inconsistency and the lack of time people have to meditate the passage, but more importantly the amount of freedom that messengers have in allowing the Holy Spirit speak to them and deliver the message that God gives them. Instead, an oppressive control seems to restrict the work of the Holy Spirit in our messages. My burden about this and its effect on Toledo ministry became so large that Tuf and I addressed our concerns with Pastor Paul a few months ago. However, this issue has not been adequately addressed or changed yet.

This is also true to our bible studies. A few Saturdays ago, I realized how unacceptable it is to continually reuse the same question sheets year and year, often giving and receiving the same answers. I often here “senior” leaders saying things like, “I have studied this so many times. I did not really receive anything new.” But as we know, 2 Timothy 3:16 reads: “All Scripture is God-breathed” and as Peter writes: “For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God” (1 Peter 1:23). The word of God is alive and it works in us to grow and change us. But when we restrict the Spirit in the word of God, we lose that living aspect. Instead, we sit bored in bible study, surfing the internet and writing down the “answers” to the questions. Bible study should be a lively and refreshing Spirit-filled discussion.

I see the issue of the ministry of God’s word as both a cause of our current situation and a result of our current situation. My recommendation is that reviving the ministry of God’s word becomes a priority. New, fresh, open, discussion based question sheets need to be written. Messages need to be fresh and truly inspired by the Holy Spirit. Also, I believe that it would be most useful for a few people to work on this together and the messages given by a few consistent people in addition to Pastor Paul because it is too serious and too difficult a task for people to undertake randomly.

Which leads directly into my second major issue, the viability of a lay ministry the size of Toledo. I am not sure how anyone could pastor a ministry the size of Toledo while also working full-time. The work to meditate God’s word, to minister to students, families, men, women, high school students, children. To lead the ministry forward so as to remain alive and vibrant and an influence on campus. These are things that people could be devoted to full-time.

I feel like a major problem at the moment is that we have to much to do and as a result, we do not do things well. Instead of being able to move forward, we are spinning our wheels in place. We are “maintaining.” Many people have spoken of the need for true mentors in our ministry. Younger leaders struggle with how to live this life—kids, work, ministry—with joy in our hearts. I know this is true for me in the absence of TP and MP. But I think that what we also need to see is that this is more than giving advice to one another. While I appreciate Mark Gamber’s desire to meet and work with young families, I think we should also ask, based on what? Just experience? While that is valuable, it is not enough. We need to grow in our understand of how to grow personally and how to raise up others. We need to open our hearts and minds and become new wineskins. There are so many books, organizations, workshops, outside ministries that could inform what we do. Why are we not using these things as a resource? And in fact, often seem to have a suspicion and wariness towards them?

I think the conversation of how we can more effectively serve students and each other is a very important conversation to be had in our ministry. And a continual conversation, as we never reach the end of our growth, and just when we think we have it figured out, it all changes.

My final concern is our attitude towards student ministry. Not long ago, I was thinking and praying about the kind of church I would like Tabor to find in Ohio University. My desire is for a vibrant, active, meaningful ministry that students really want to be a part of. Then I realized that this is what we are supposed to be but in many ways we are not. I am not suggesting that we have nothing to offer students because we do. But I am suggesting that what we want often takes precedence over what would be best for students.

A recent example of this has been with our praise bands, easily one of the best aspects of our ministry at the moment, maybe the best. Students are engaged. They are clearly filled with a spirit of praise for God, a spirit they hope to help others find. They are full of ideas and passion and creativity but for some reason we are reluctant to let them actually be leaders and use those things. For example, the tight restrictions on the amount of new songs that they do and the requirements on old songs that older members want to hear is just strange. The praise band should be allowed a lot more freedom than this. And people who don’t like the new songs need to open their hearts to what students like and to what students are listening to. I’m not sure what exactly it is that we are afraid will happen if the student leaders actually lead praise band and are able to make choices for themselves. I am not suggesting that there is not some oversight, but let’s just see what they do. Let’s let the Spirit lead and work instead of keeping such a tight leash on the possible work of God that can be done through and in them.

Our Friday night is an excellent example of how things can be changed to be more engaging and interesting and student-friendly. I thank God for those who have been involved in restructuring and reviving that meeting. The same thing should be done with our Sunday worship service. Right now it is long, dry and boring. It needs to be revived.

In the educational conference I attended last week, an expert on designing and innovating for the future led us through a creative problem strategizing session. It was excellent. But interestingly, the very first step to designing an innovation solution to a problem began with empathy. We need to understand our audience, who we hope to appeal with, and empathize with them. We need to consider them. And we need to do this with students. We need to listen to them, get to know them, and ask THEM what they want, what they like. Again, I feel like this is also often approached with a sense of fear and wariness. This pride that our ministry is superior to other ministries and the distrust of outside ideas is no different than the pride of the Pharisees. It is what Jesus explicitly preached against time after time.

The bottom line became that I do not feel like I can serve God’s mission here. I am not comfortable bringing students into our ministry at the moment. I need to be able to bring students to a place that I have no question that the word of God that will be preached and its practices are biblical and sound. And since I know a lot of students who are ready to be ministered to, I feel like I need to take this problem very seriously.

I want to finish by saying that I do believe that Toledo ministry will be restored. I believe that God’s word and Spirit are here and will be revived. I believe that God is working and will continue His work to the end. I thank God for Mother Barry’s visit and for her message, “And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Mt 24:14). God will do this. We are invited to be a part of it but it is not contingent on our works. However, whether God is calling me and my family to be a part of this revival in Toledo ministry, we are not sure about yet. We are waiting patiently (trying!) in the confusing in-between and have great peace that this is exactly where God wants us to be at this moment. We have been attending Cedar Creek and North Point services and may explore other churches. If nothing else, I am learning a lot about what other ministries are doing and it has been a valuable source of information. Tuf and I are praying deeply for God’s direction and will do whatever God wants us to do. If it is to stay and serve with you, I will gladly join you. But for now, I needed some space in order to receive God’s word and really be able to hear God’s direction.

I pray that these words may be helpful and encouraging. I offer them in a spirit of love and open coworking. Feel free to forward this email to anyone who may want to read them.

With great love and hope,
Emily

“We left Toledo UBF in August 2011 for several reasons. Fran and I both agreed that this was not a ministry to raise a family. Despite the efforts put forth by families we love and care about, our children were not learning and growing. There was no real support for children’s ministry by the church as a whole. Primary emphasis was on college students. So much so that families and children were over looked. The phrase family centered still upsets me. I personally gave up attending Friday meetings regularly a long while before we left because my wife and kids needed my attention more than the church.

We also left because we knew in our hearts that God was calling us elsewhere. We no longer had the college student mission as a family with three young children. God gave us three precious kids for special reason. They became our focus.

Furthermore….

We both were torn up emotionally from seeing all of our closest friends leave. With exception of a couple families, our nearest friends were hurt, betrayed, and not cared for. It broke our hearts. It started with our fellowship falling apart after one brother was mistreated by ubf leaders in Korea and Toledo. All the sudden our entire fellowship left. One family stayed for a short while but they too were hurting. Then, Fran and I accepted role of fellowship leader. This should have never even happened. In hind sight we should have said no and been taken in and loved by the ministry. Instead we were looked at as a exemplary family of faithfulness. We were broken. Fast forward to 2011 and more of our friends were hurt and left. It was too painful to stay.

Finally, Sunday worship became very dull and burdensome. Particularly i was not receiving from the messages for the most part. If I could circle back to the lack of family support. During a Friday meeting in august 2011, after several families and friends left Fran asked a sr. Leader if we could pray for our family and children’s ministry with all the pain and suffering. This so called leader said “no, tonight is student night, let’s not burden them with that.” This floored us and might have been the last straw. Contrary to popular belief we did not leave due to burdens of this life, but burdens from a ministry that hurt so many people that we loved and cared about, with no attempt for reconciliation. We could not grow there nor did we want our kids to continue to be involved where so much hurt and pain persisted. We pray for those we know there and pray God can bring about whatever His plan is for UBF.
–submitted by the Ellis family

“I left because rules were stressed over grace and obedience over love. UBF’s way of doing things were attributed to God’s way of doing things and obedience to leaders in UBF was considered obedience to God. This was evident in the messages. It was evident in the environment, where charts with stars and the traditions of UBF were more prominent than anything related to love or grace. It was evident in social interactions which became increasingly contentious even among leaders. The result was that while I spent all of my time to help children in CBF meet Jesus, and to show the high school students I taught professionally the love of Christ, I was made to feel guilty because I was not feeding sheep, even though I was doing what I felt called to do. In addition, my involvement in UBF took away time I needed to show my wife and children the love of Jesus, a tension I was never happy with. When I brought up any of these issues, no one listened. T and E were much more vocal than I was. They, in love, let ph know that the ministry was in danger and pleaded with him to institute changes. His response was that he did not care if everyone left, he could start over with one family. Then I knew that UBF traditions were more important than people to UBF leaders. I began to see the hollowness and deception inherent in UBF theology. And finally I began to see that leaders in UBF did not mind committing grievous sins in order to protect a man-made organization and its silly traditions. This was the end. I was completely embarrassed that I was ever a member. I needed to love my family. I needed to experience grace and freedom in Christ rather than condemnation. I needed time to rethink everything I had been taught. Most of all, I needed to learn to develop a personal relationship with Jesus and to find His path for me, rather than having a path imposed on me by an institution that I found to be arrogant, inflexible, obtuse, and insensitive. I could no longer follow Jesus in such a context. I love many UBF people, but hope the institution as I experienced it dies so that it can no longer present a perverted Gospel, justify the neglect of children and give Christianity a bad name.”
–submitted by the Muehling family

“I believe it was shortly after attending the European conference in the spring of 2011 that we began to question whether or not we were in the right place. In our eyes, the state of the ministry was becoming somewhat dark. At the time, we likened it to a cloudy fish tank where the fish in the bowl were blindly swimming around. To us, the cloudiness was some sort of spiritual darkness. In that environment, no one could really see the state of one another or help each other. And no outside Christian community (UBF or otherwise) could see inside either.

To us, the main problem was that Sunday messages did not sit with us well. At first, it was just that God’s word wasn’t able to speak for itself and messengers seemed to be emphasizing an idea or a point that they just wanted to make. Eventually, we heard unbiblical, heretical statements from the pulpit. Most importantly, the gospel wasn’t being presented clearly and human effort and works were being emphasized instead. Ultimately, the things that we heard on Sunday planted a sense of mistrust and we came to the point where we couldn’t worship God freely.

In July of 2011, we presented this issue as well as two other unresolved issues to the pastor and our fellowship: (1) The ministry was disjointed with no co-working between the pastor and the ministry as a whole. Key relationships of “senior” leaders were damaged and broken so that the ministry couldn’t function fully. And they weren’t being resolved. We felt limited in what could be done for God’s work and we felt that our full involvement was condoning unresolved issues and broken relationships to continue. (2) Two other families had recently left because they were legitimately mistreated and there was an absolutely silent response to it. Sure, people hurt people. But these families had been part of the ministry for a long time, were truly hurt, and nothing was done. To us, losing a part of the body and not apologizing or doing anything about it immediately was wrong. We didn’t hear any public prayers or see any acts of love go out to those who left and this broke our hearts.

While presenting these, we privately prayed for the spiritual health of the UBF community, including our pastor. But we also began attending two worship services — Saturday evenings at a local church and Sunday mornings at UBF. We did this for about four months and we prayed. We participated in helping the Leadership Council be established. But the items we had brought up were not addressed.

In November 2011, we received the final tug from God for us to go in another direction. Of course, we still have friends in UBF. We’ve heard of changes and of things being different. But we haven’t considered going back because God has led our family in a new direction. Our family still has the same calling. We’re just in a different community where we are safe, we can worship God, and we can be involved in great and beautiful things for God.”
–submitted by the Roth family

Simply put, I left UBF because God led me out. I prayed and agonized for months, open to whatever God wanted, until the Holy Spirit moved me, made me know it was time to go. I even attended two worship services during my final year in Toledo UBF, the UBF service and a service at another church. I was in UBF for eight years, and the longer I stayed, the worse the problems became and the more aware of them I became.

There were several problems with Toledo UBF.

First, I was always made to feel like I was never good enough. Despite helping to lead HBF, running tech for Sunday services, meeting with college students, and doing several other things, none of that was good enough because I wasn’t teaching the Bible one-to-one. I wasn’t good enough because I wasn’t disciplined enough, spiritually or physically. I didn’t attend early morning prayer meetings, and SH told me I needed to go at least one morning a week, as she said, “to show people.” (I told her I had no need or desire to prove my faith to anyone.) I was already a self-conscious person, but I became even more so during my time in Toledo UBF. I felt judged. I was almost always on edge, ready for the next critique. While it’s true I will never be deserving of God’s grace, the Holy Spirit finally broke through to my heart shortly before I left and reminded me what I had learned when Christ saved me: God loves me as I am. Christ died for me long before I even knew him. I am loved enough to die for. To feel crushed almost all the time is not what God wants for me.

Second, I became offended by “shepherding” as practiced by Toledo UBF. I value my relationship with the Holy Spirit. His guidance has been of monumental importance in my life. But UBF puts the “shepherd” in the place of the Holy Spirit. You’re expected to talk to your shepherds before making any decisions, rely on them, take direction from them. Instead of encouraging relationships with the Holy Spirit, people were expected to be puppets manipulated by their “shepherds” and “leaders.” And the Holy Spirit was seldom talked about, seldom preached about, if I remember correctly. In addition to this idea of “shepherding” was this idea that “leaders” knew what was best for others in the ministry. For example, at one time, I was up for a promotion at work, which would have moved me to a store a little over an hour away from Toledo. I had been praying very specific prayers about this job, even about the opportunity to interview for it, and God had been answering very specifically, and he was opening doors. It was really an amazing experience. I had also already decided to commute if I got the job. I was pretty quiet about it while I was interviewing because I felt I would be judged by my Bible teachers for making what would seem to them a stupid decision. When I did tell someone in the ministry, it was JP. I asked him to pray for me. He told me no. He said he couldn’t pray for me because then I would leave sisters house. He had no idea what God had already done, how he had already opened the door. JP didn’t bother to inquire about anything, just simply refused to pray for me because of one “negative consequence” he was certain would occur. I didn’t even tell my Bible teachers when I got the job. They found out weeks later and, as predicted, they thought I had made a poor decision.

Third, Toledo UBF operated on the understanding that there was only one way to do things, that every Christian had to be the same. Everyone had to be a Bible teacher. Everyone had to do the same kind of daily devotion (and the time of day you did it either increased or decreased its worth somehow). There was little-to-no real appreciation of individuals’ gifts, unless they were gifts already deemed beneficial and worthy, like musical gifts. Instead of allowing God to work through the uniqueness of his creations, Toledo UBF had this mold that it worked very hard to force people into.

Fourth, there was a mentality among many – maybe not all – that UBF was THE ministry. There was this sense, this idea, that no other ministry could do what UBF was doing. JP said to me, when I told him I was considering leaving, that I would never find another ministry that delivered the word of God the way UBF did. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I hoped that was true, which leads me to my next point.

Fifth, messages were tragic. GL delivered a message at a spring conference in 2011 (I think that’s the right year), in which he declared that we needed to pray for God to glorify us. I couldn’t believe it when I heard him say it. Then PH got up to deliver prayer topics and announcements and tried to justify it! What?! PH’s messages also appeared to be directed at rebuking certain people sometimes. Additionally, we studied the same passages repeatedly, and there were really only a handful of “lessons” that were constantly recycled and inserted into these passages. Messages conformed passages into the points the “leaders” wanted to make, as opposed to letting the Holy Spirit work freely through God’s word. (I will say that not everyone’s messages were like this, but most of the messages were or appeared to me to be so.)

Sixth, I was sick of people being judgmental and manipulative. SH became my Bible teacher later in my time at Toledo UBF. She explicitly taught me that women needed to be more spiritual because often or most of the time when people left the ministry it was because of the wife. She used MP as an example. SH also worked behind the scenes, manipulating people.

You know, on my final Sunday at Toledo UBF I really tried to pay attention to the message. I knew I was leaving, my decision was made, but I was listening, half-hoping for some sign that PH had changed, even a little. I was looking for some reason for the Holy Spirit to call me to stay. I was sadly disappointed. I forget now what the message was, but in it PH spoke of people leaving and problems within the ministry. He spoke of his own part and said he accepted responsibility, but it was obvious he didn’t mean it. It was obvious he had no sense that he had done anything wrong at all. It was heartbreaking. When I approached JW afterward to tell him I was leaving, he just looked at me with such sadness and said, PH doesn’t get it. And then we hugged each other and cried. Then I left.
–submitted by KB

“After living the UBF heritage, defending the UBF heritage and examining the UBF heritage for the past 26 years (since 1987), I have concluded that anyone who adheres to this ideological system will eventually build a cult. I left UBF because I wholeheartedly rejected the UBF 12 point heritage system. I find this system to be so severely flawed and full of contradictions that any sensible human being ought to reject the UBF heritage because full implementation of the heritage can only lead to severe misuse of authority, improper ennoblement of power and abuses of many kinds. Every Christian ought to reject the UBF 12 point heritage system as heresy that undermines the gospel of Jesus Christ by enslaving people to ideologies and behaviors that become extreme entanglements and hindrances to personal freedom and human well-being. I left UBF ministry because the UBF 12 point heritage has caused massive division among Christian brothers and sisters of many nations for over 50 years, tearing at the very sinews of the Body of Christ. I left in order to save my wife from such entrapment and to spare my children from ever knowing such burdens. And finally, I left in order to preserve my sanity, to restore broken relationships with numerous relatives and friends, and so that I could begin my long road of recovery as I follow Jesus Christ my Lord through the promptings and leading of the Holy Spirit who speaks through the Holy Scriptures. All praise, glory, honor, power and authority belong solely to our Lord Jesus Christ in whom is found all supremacy, necessity and sufficiency for a full, hopeful, joyful and amazing life.”
–submitted by Brian Karcher

I begin my observation in 2009 when a massive building project kicked off in Toledo UBF. This is after the heart-wrenching departures of senior leaders in 2001 and 2006. Three years later, nothing significant had been done to address the leaving of JH/KH, AN/SN and TP/MP. They just disappeared, even though they were a huge part of Toledo UBF history as well as American UBF history.

So a building project was kicked off. It was claimed often that this project had united all Toledo UBF coworkers and the wonderful aroma of Christ was gloriously present among us. I was in Detroit in 2009, but I was contacted and contributed to this approximately $1.5 million project. [Note: Since posting this article it was brought to my attention privately that the actual cost ended up being closer to the $700K to $800K range. Many of the original projected costs were trimmed down in various ways.]

But first the old building had to be torn down.

When I saw this picture for the first time, it was shocking. I admit it– I cried. My wife and I were married in that building. My sweat, blood and tears helped build that building. It was the vision of the late James Kim. It was built by student labor. Every Saturday (and many other days during the week) for over 3 years, we students labored to build that building. I’m not so sentimental about buildings. And I’m aware that there were structural issues with the building. But why was there no recognition of James Kim’s vision and labor? Or was there some recognition I’m not aware of?

A United Toledo UBF?

I attended the new center dedication ceremony in 2010. I saw the great building. But I wondered if it was true that Toledo UBF was so united, glorious and wonderful? It certainly appeared so outwardly. John Jun gave a lecture from Haggai and declared to us: “Fill this house!”

Magnitude of the departure

In approximately a 9 month period spanning 2011 and 2012, the following families left Toledo UBF.

TF/EF (5 people) 30
NM/SM (4 people) 30
BK/MK (6 people) 47 (had been sent to Detroit in 2003)
JR/PR (6 people) 25
CE/FE (5 people) 30
KB (1 person) 10
JW/RW (6 people) 55
MG/CG (5 people) 55

7 families, 38 people, 282 years of committment from American leaders (ok there is one Korean missionary in the mix). In addition 2 other Korean families left about the same time to pioneer other places. These families were leading everything from childrens’ ministry to Sunday service to offering administration. These were Sunday messengers, Treasurers and Fellowship Leaders. They had done everything they could to “make it work”. Several of them had been there when Toledo UBF was first pioneered. I will be sharing some of their own words in a follow-up article. I feel compelled to let everyone know why we left and to tell our side of this story as factually as possible.

Ben Toh did not start UBFriends! There is supposedly a rumor circulating that Ben Toh started UBFriends with ignoble intent. This shocked even me! As much as I would love to take credit for having the ingenuity and creative genius to start UBFriends, but TBT and TBH and FWIW I am so sorry to disappoint you that I was NOT involved in starting UBFriends. In fact, I had never blogged when UBFriends published its first article on June 24, 2010 (my first article was published five months later on Nov 4).

Brian was a hardcore UBF loyalist when he joined Joe to start UBFriends in 2010. This might be most surprising to many people. UBF people think that Brian was a “really bad guy” from the outset of UBFriends. But Brian writes, “It is interesting to look back, Joe. When you asked me to join this effort (of starting UBFriends), I was a ubf loyalist, I was ‘in.’ No one, especially me, would have ever dreamed of any remote possibility that I would ever even consider leaving the ministry. Indeed I had no intention of ever doing such a thing.” I thought this is so interesting because of the things UBF insiders say about Brian. But the Brian who started UBFriends was as “harcore hardline UBF” as any other. Surprising, right??

Joe says that UBFriends today happened by default. What? UBFriends was not started to stir controversy?? UBFriends today was not what Joe originally intended. Rather, it happened according to the deep needs of UBF people who had no place in most UBF chapters to share their hearts freely, openly and safely. While responding to Terry about safe places where people can freely speak up, this is what Joe wrote:

“Because UBF never created the space for victims to process their stories, UBFriends has now become that space. When we started this website three years ago, that was not our intention. But that is what happened by default, by necessity, because there was literally nowhere else where someone who was hurt by ubf could tell the story and have at least a few current ubf members listen without being dismissed. As a founder of this website, it does pain me to see that this website has morphed into something other than what I had envisioned. But it pains me much more when members of the ubf community criticize this website as unproductive and unhealthy… Until UBF creates generous safe spaces within itself for these stories to be heard and validated and processed by the community, I will not discourage anyone from sharing those stories here.”

Can UBF people freely ask ANY QUESTION? My personal hope is that more and more UBF leaders will process and understand the above paragraph. The gist of it may be that some UBF leaders and chapters do not welcome any serious probing questions about their authority or about ongoing and long standing unhealthy or abusive practices. Until this changes, I predict that UBFriends will continue to thrive. I am surprised at the spurts of increased traffic and comments on this website, most recently over the past week. I am still shocked that there are 355 comments on my recent article about my concerns about the 2013 ISBC! This suggests just how much UBF people are unable to freely discuss their concerns in their own UBF chapter or with their own shepherds and leaders, either at present or in the past or both.

In brief, Ben Toh did not start UBFriends, Brian was “hardcore UBF” when he started UBFriends in 2010, and Joe’s intention was not what UBFriends has become today. I hope this clears up a few misconceptions. Any other questions? Comments?

David was a man after God’s own heart.

David called upon God in his moments of struggle. He gave praise to God in his moments of triumph. In moments of sin he earnestly repented and prayed to once again be right with God. David loved God above everything and everyone. There are a number of reasons why David demonstrated loyalty to Saul. He had first been a harp player to help Saul through the torment of an evil spirit. After slaying Goliath Saul kept David with him like family and did not let him return to his father’s house. (Jonathan had also made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.) Later Saul became David’s father in law. As time passed David’s success in military campaigns raised him up among the people.

It must be highlighted in 1 Samuel 24 that David has his first opportunity to strike down Saul. Verses 4-7 read, “The men said, ‘This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.’ Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. Afterward David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, ‘The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.’ With these words David rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way.”

After looking closely at this event it is clear that David was willing to make a move to harm Saul despite his relations. David only cut a corner piece of robe, but immediately realized the danger before him. He was conscience-stricken as a result of the Lord God. We must remember that David almost always called on the Lord and accepted any guidance for his life. Indeed he could have struck Saul down, but he didn’t because Saul was God’s anointed. David did not even let his own men take action. David feared God more than anything and was not willing to strike down God’s anointed – even a rejected king. David’s loyalty was rather to the Lord God.

It must be added that after David had heard about Saul’s death along with his sons that David had the Amalekite who lifted his hand to Saul run through. David’s attitude was absolute that the Lord’s anointed must be respected even though Saul had been rejected by God as king. Afterward, David was made king over the Israelites. David’s lament for Saul was a communal event. His heart was moved by the death of Jonathan. Saul’s other two sons are not even mentioned by name in his song (2 Samuel 1).

How then should we see leaders/elders in UBF?

It is interesting to note that the relationship between Saul and David has been made an example for loyalty. Saul pursued David more and more with intent to kill him. He did so with full knowledge of how people were comparing him against David. The people had fallen in love with David. Saul also knew already that his days were numbered as a king. Samuel had rebuked and warned Saul that his family would lose the kingdom and that the Lord had left him. Indeed sometimes it is possible for even our chapter directors, shepherds or even standby leaders to resemble Saul. Their pursuit in way of control and direction for our lives to satisfy their own interests is indeed a repeated abuse. Such abuses have variances according to where to continue studies of undergrad, masters, phd. It also affects who you marry and when. Where you live and work and how you distribute your money. The list goes on and on.

Is it possible to understand David’s loyalty to God as a loyalty to Saul? How do we see God’s servants in UBF? Are they anointed? Should we show the same praise, honour and respect as illustrated by David? Remembering Jesus’ command to love one another and also forgive our brother, can we also understand David’s actions toward Saul as he is right with God? Do we need to love and forgive our Bible teacher or another member of our church? How can such understanding affect our salvation?

The picture of crisis in UBF

Based on 2 Timothy 3:1-17, David Kim, the director of Korea UBF, presents the crisis facing UBF. David Kim agrees with Joe on this point: UBF is in a crisis. Here is the picture David Kim paints in his Shepherd-Missionary Seminar 2011 Closing Message, which he titled “Terrible Times and the Bible“.

“They don’t like the good. Even though they are alive, they are actually dead. When it comes to the last days, there will be more people like them and they will make their generation terrible. But these kinds of people are not only in the world. The verse, “having a form of godliness but denying its power,” says that these kinds of people are also inside the church. The fact that they have a form of godliness means they look like men of faith and spiritual leaders outwardly. But the fact that they deny the power of godliness means that they have no spiritual power and inward strength to follow and obey the truth, and faith that they confess with their mouth.

This is the picture of the crisis that our church community confronts today. Nowadays, people love themselves and money. They love pleasure more than God. The waves of sin flow into the church community and infect our souls. Being infected by sins due to the powerful work of Satan, we gradually lose faith in the truth and the power of godliness. Co-workers who were once great in their faith fall into the temptations of sin. Some become tempters to knock down the faith of others. Those who once stood firm on the gospel faith and were once a good influence for their faith are rather influenced by sin and the value system of the world. They envy worldly people and begin to follow them. Many are losing their identity as a royal priesthood and a holy nation.”

How to respond to this crisis?

David Kim presents two directions as his suggested response to this crisis.

1. “Have nothing to do with them”

“Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth; men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected (8). They are not the ones who serve God with sincere faith, but those who live hypocritical and superficial lives before people. Their folly will be clear to everyone. Paul clearly warns Timothy to turn away from them.”

2. “Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of”

“Timothy learned the Scriptures and had faith in the truth of the Scriptures. “Continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of.” This is the word and spiritual direction that God gave to Timothy who was in trouble with serving the new generation.

I believe that this is also what God says to us. We are living in a world which changes rapidly. The circumstances in which we are living are totally different from those of the 1960s when UBF was founded and of the 1970s and 80s when our campus ministry flourished. We encounter difficulties and limits in serving the new generation who follow the popular trend of life infected with sin and go with the mainstream of sin. For this reason, we began to wonder if we should look for alternatives and changes different from what we had in the past. If there are better ways and alternatives to serve this generation, we should try to find them. From the 1990s, we made every effort to find better ways and alternatives to serve the rapidly changing generation. New programs were sought out. Some chapters tried to implement the spiritual movement, giving up raising disciples through one-to-one Bible study because it was so difficult. Other chapters tried to live a religious life without the burdens of sharing Daily Bread and writing testimonies. There were also some chapters that tried to attract the attention of the young through singspiration, rather than focusing on profound Bible studies or testimony training. However, we have not found alternatives better than one-to-one Bible study, Daily Bread, testimony writing, a life giving spirit with five loaves and two fish, a pioneering spirit, a community spirit, and a self-supporting spirit that we have had from the beginning of UBF history. Nobody can deny that those works are the best ways to raise disciples and missionaries who can preach the gospel.

If the spirit that worked in the UBF ministry for the past 50 years came from human efforts or ideas, we don’t need to continue in them. Those that come from human thoughts and ideas are limited and will change or disappear someday in the future. However, the spirit that worked in the UBF ministry for the past 50 years didn’t come from the ideas of Dr. Samuel Lee or Mother Barry. It was not a typical UBF spirit, but the eternal truth of God’s words. Living according to the teachings of Scriptures, a life-giving spirit, a humble mind, raising disciples, one-to-one Bible study, writing testimonies, and sending out lay missionaries are the truths we learned from the Bible. We learned and became convinced of the truth and obeyed the truth that God taught us, and God blessed us abundantly for the past 50 years. Therefore, we should continue in the truth that we learned and stand firmly on it. Those who do not continue in the truth will lose the power of godliness and will join the sinful trend of the world. But if we continue in the truth we learned and became convinced of, we will get the power of godliness. We will be able to challenge and serve the sinful generation with the power of godliness.”

Questions to ponder

Do you agree with Joe’s picture of crisis or David Kim’s picture?
How do David Kim’s thoughts make you feel about your friends who left UBF recently?
What is your opinion of the state of UBF ministry after 50 years?

So far, since 2011, I have privately and publicly shared my secret, my reasons, my confession, my mandate, my challenge and my demands.

Here is my offer.

Soon I will recieve the video series of the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit. This summit has proved to be a treasure trove of Christian leadership material. For a ubf chapter who will pay for my travel expenses to visit, I am offering:

1. To share one of the 2013 GLA series videos with your chapter.

2. Host an open question and answer session before and/or after watching the video.

I believe we could build new bridges. I believe Jesus is not done with ubf. I believe ubf could play an important role in healing the fractured landscape of Christendom.

What do you believe?

The Summit

The summit was, in simplistic terms, 16 hours of sitting and listening to 13 speakers. My wife and I attended (for the first time) from our church in Detroit, which is a satellite host for the summit. However, I can’t remember even 1 minute of boredom or of wanting to fall asleep or of wishing I was somewhere else. I soaked up every speaker like a sponge. The summit was exactly where God wanted me to be for those two days.

In addition to the highlighted speakers, there were several others who made appearances in between. Comedian Michael Jr.  shared some of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard. He might just be the funniest man on planet earth right now. David Garibaldi shared an amazing painting experience, preaching the gospel with no words.  William Close played the “earth harp”, an astounding instrument set up inside the Willow Creek auditorium.

The nature of the leadership talks seemed to me to blend academia, business and religious backgrounds, with the explicit Christian gospel themes woven through each one. The official summit link is here: http://www.willowcreek.com/events/leadership/schedule.asp

It is difficult for me to express my “take-away’s” from this summit. Breathtaking. Exhilarating. Amazing. Astounding. Life-changing. Christ-centering. It will take some time to process, and I plan on ordering the DVD’s.

The Speakers

Bill Hybels. Founder and senior pastor, Willow Creek Community Church. Bill’s church has 24,000 weekly attendees. His opening talk set the tone for the summit. I was surprised by one of his opening statements: “This leadership summit will be unashamedly Christian. We will pray. We will quote from the bible. And we will sing. But this summit is not for Christians only. We welcome anyone of any faith and anyone who has not made faith part of their life story yet.” I had not expected this. And since Willow Creek has more than 24,000 weekly worshippers, I was surprised to hear Bill talk about how the leadership team overcame a time of being a toxic environment in recent years. Bill’s team reached out to an external party to gauge how they were doing. The external survey showed they scored in the toxic range of organizational health. So he sounded the alarm and they made the tough decisions to get back on track. This year they scored a rare high-mark in organization health. I learned that leaders have to sometimes say goodbye to other leaders in order to make the organization healthy. And leaders must define the core values of their organization.

General Colin Powell. Speech title: “It worked for me.” Former U.S. Secretary of State, senior level advisor to four Presidents, served U.S. Army for 35 years. Colin was surprisingly human and open. I expected an army general to be stiff and cold. He is nothing like that. One story he told was how he once complained a long time to President Reagan. Reagan said nothing until Colin was finished. Finally Reagan said “Look there’s a squirrel outside the window!”. Later Reagan taught him the lesson. You can sit there and tell me all day about your problem, but until I have a problem, don’t get me involved. I hired you to do a job. Now go solve your problem and let me know when I have a problem.”

Patrick Lencioni. Speech title: “How to lose your best people.” Founder and President of The Table Group, best-selling author. Patrick shared a high-energy, hilarious talk about a serious subject. He noticed over the years that people left jobs and churches for one or more of three primary reasons, regardless of culture: irrelevance, immeasurement or anonymity. He admitted that “immeasurement” is not a word. But it fits what he called a lack of feedback or sometimes improper feedback. People want to know how they are doing, and be able to tell for themselves. Human beings don’t want to wait around for “how their boss feels” or wait for the numbers to come in. Human beings want the gratification of knowing they did a good job. In other words, people are looking for fulfillment. And leaders want to know right away if they failed. He told of how leaders who are afraid of failure or think failure is not an option are bad leaders. For example, several successful companies actually measure how many times you fail, as a measurement for success. If you are not failing enough, you aren’t learning how to succeed. Some venture capitalists won’t fund you unless you failed at least 3 times for at least $1 million.

Liz Wiseman. Speech title: “The Multiplier Effect”. President of the Wiseman Group, best-selling author. Liz’ talk was not flashy but was perhaps the most thought-provoking. She shared with compassion and a genuine love for humanity. She talked about leaders who are multipliers and leaders who are diminishers. A diminisher is someone who gets very little effort or talent out of people around them. They are the empire builders, the tyrants, the know-it-alls, the decision makers and the micro managers. A multiplier gets double and triple effort and talent. They are the talent magnets, the liberators, the challengers, the debate-makers and the investors. Diminishers will kill off their organizations while multipliers will always eventually find their way to success.

Chris Brown. Speech title: “Right title…wrong kingdom”. Co-Senior Pastor and Teaching Pastor at North Coast Church. This was tied for my favorite talk of the conference (Andy Stanley’s being the other one). Really, Chris Brown gave a sermon, not a talk or a speech. I cried the most during his sermon because he spoke so powerfully and every word he spoke rang so true. Based on Mark 10:42-25, he obliterated the Moses or Elijah style leadership models. Jesus said “Not so with you”. Jesus turned leadership upside-down. If you model Moses, you model the world’s way of leading now that Jesus has demonstrated His style of leadership. Even a Pharaoh who didn’t know the Lord knew Jesus’ style of leadership (in dealing with Joseph) better than Saul, the anointed king of Israel. You just have to listen to this one.

Bob Goff. Speech title: “Love Takes Action”. Founder and CEO of Restore International, attorney. Bob Goff gets the prize for the most energetic and fanatical speech! He told humorous stories about his life on an island (yes he lives on an island). And he also spoke with passion and compassion about one of the most heart-wrenching events I’ve ever heard in a long while. He was the attorney for Charlie, the child attacked by the infamous Koby. Bob told of amazing acts of kindness, as well as unimaginable forgiveness. Bob’s point is that “love does stuff”. Love demands action. Love requires us to get involved in the terrible evils of the world. His talk was similar to an earlier talk he gave: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo1jHeIn3TE

Mark Burnett. Speech title: “Unscripted Leadership”. Four-time Emmy Award winner, Executive Producer of Survivor, The Voice and The Bible TV shows. Mark’s time was not a speech but an interview with Bill Hybels. I enjoyed the dialogue-style speaking between them. This style was used several times during the Summit. Mark talked about how he courageously took his fame and fortune and poured it into the Bible series project recently.

Joseph Grenny. Speech title: “Mastering the skill of influence”. Co-founder of VitalSmarts, best-selling business author. Joseph gave a detailed talk about influence, one of the key abilities leaders need to understand. He talked about how leaders tend to focus on motivating people instead of influencing them. Motivating is important, but teaching skills is the primary influencer. He used God’s preparing of Moses in the palace and God’s preparing of Joshua learning from Moses as examples that God’s ways are about teaching skills first and then motivating people at the right time. Joseph taught from both a “heavy” example of behavior change involving changing the behavior of third-world prostitution and a “light” example of influencing the behavior of traffic laws. One amazing example he gave was about a traffic law enacted in some state in the U.S. A lot of people ignored the law until the officials posted a sign that said “Report violators, call 1-800-be-a-hero” (or something to that effect). The point was when people know other people are watching them, their behavior is influenced.

Vijay Govindarahan (“VG”). Speech title: “The Innovation Challenge: Getting it right”. Top 50 Management Thinker, Professor at Dartmouth’s Tuck School of Business. Vijay gets the top award for the most complex talk. He talked a lot about ways leaders can sustain an organization. He used a “three box” model. He taught that leaders need to manage the present, selectively abandon the past, and create the future.  He talked about how organizational leaders must create separate (but loosely connected) team that plays by different rules than the “box 1” (or performance engine) part of the organization. Leaders need to create innovation teams. Leaders and organizations must re-invent themselves regularly in order to stay alive.

Dr. Brene Brown. Speech title: “Daring Greatly”. Research Professor at University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Brene is a ground-breaking researcher into the topics of shame, worthiness and courage. She talked about how she once was invited to speek to a group of C-Level people. At first she was comfortable with this because she thought the term was “sea-level” people, meaning ordinary, down-to-earth people. She shared how she overcame fear when she realized “C” actually meant CEO, CIO, CTO, etc. She shared how leaders are human, how vulnerability is essential for any leader and how courage is so needed among leaders. She had a life-changing moment after reading the famous quote by Theodore Roosevelt about daring greatly.

Oscar Muriu. Speech title: “Viral Leadership: Multiplying your impact exponentially”. Senior Pastor of Nairobi Chapel, Kenya. Under his leadership, Nairobi Chapel grew from a 40 person local church to a network of 30 churches with 14,000 weekly worshippers. Oscar shared based on 5 life-changing principles. They sounded very familiar to me and were based on the command to “go into all the world and preach the good news.” He talked of sending African missionaries to all parts of the world, including America and Asia. He told the story of how he would pray for leaders without telling them he was praying for them to be leaders. One by one, people would come to him saying “I feel compelled to be a missionary”. He told of one couple who asked if they could devote the next 25 years of their life to being a Christian missionary in Oscar’s church network. He talked of how their missionaries train for 1 or 2 years. They stay in a country for 5 years to plant a church and then leave to plant another church, following Apostle Paul’s example.

Dr. Henry Cloud. Speech  title: “Reversing the Death Spiral of a Leader”. Acclaimed leadership expert, best-selling author, Clinical Psychologist and Businessman.  Dr. Cloud has experience in executive coaching of CEO’s. He has been a frequent contributor to CNN and Fox News Channel. Once Henry asked a CEO about culture problems in a company. As the CEO mentioned reason after reason about why the problems existed, Henry kept asking “Why?”. Finally the CEO concluded that he was in charge of the problems, whether he created them or not. Here are some quotes from Dr. Cloud: “In the end, as a leader, you are always going to get a combination of two things: What you create and what you allow”. Leaders are “ridiculously in charge” according to Dr. Cloud, and so they are prone to being burned out and depressed. He talked about examples from Wall Street when the financial markets crashed around 2008. He talked about why the culture of an organization exists the way it is. He says it is because of the way the leaders behave. Dr.Cloud gave some behavior research examples, which I think made the audience a bit uncomfortable, because the research was from many years ago when animals were used. One example was of a monkey alone in a cage subjected to lights and sounds meant to induce stress. The monkey’s stress level was very high when he was alone. But when a second, familiar monkey was in the cage with him, their stress decreased by 50%. Dr.Clouds’ point was that people need a friend to get out of the downward spiral. He talked about principles to get out of the death spiral.

Andy Stanley. Speech title: [Andy gave a closing sermon just entitled “closing session”]. Founder and Senior Pastor at North Point Ministries. Andy pastors one of the largest churches in America, with over 33,000 worshippers each Sunday in his network of church campuses in the Atlanta area. Andy’s sermon was based on Matthew 16:18 “And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.” It was a sermon of sermons, a sermon so inspiring that I believe he just re-ignited Christianity in North America.

John says that the scribes were the most religious people in Israel. Maybe they were good humanly. They were moral people. They had good intentions. But Jesus didn’t have a conversation with them. Instead, Jesus pronounced condemnation. And there are many places in Scripture where Jesus pronounces condemnation upon the most religious Jews. He even calls them “sons of hell”. He says, “Woe to you!”

Jesus warns the disciples and people to “beware of the scribes”. Why? Because they are in an error and yet claim to be the source of truth and light. They are harming other people. They oppose Jesus and his gospel. John MacArthur said that a Christian should not confront error with conversation but with condemnation. Some people say that Christians should learn some good and deep things from the spirituality of Muslims and Buddhists and Jews (and of course Confucius). But shouldn’t Christians act like Jesus?! And Jesus gives us an example how to confront errors even of the most close to Christianity religious leaders (the Jews) – and that is with condemnation. How should and must we confront those whose errors are as far from Christianity as Confucius is?

Jesus describes the Jewish scribes and their errors.

1. They desire to walk in long robes, and love greetings in the markets, and the highest seats in the synagogues, and the chief rooms at feasts. They are very careful about their status in the church and in the society. John MacArthur says that in our days they would desire people call them “Dr.”. What is more they would love when people call them “father”. They love to show themselves holy and special and high before people. This goes against Jesus’ clear teaching, “But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments, And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues, And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi. But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren. And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ” (Mt.23:5-10).

I suppose that every member of ubf can give a number of stories when he/she heard how ubf leaders love and demand that they were called “Dr.”/ “msn.”/ “shepherd”/ and even “father/mother”. Jesus says many times “Woe!” to such people. It is condemnation and a curse from the Lord.

2. The scribes “devour widows’ houses…” The scribes were the lawyers of the time. They used their position to cheat widows. In that time, widows were “the most indefensible people” in the society. Who are the most indefensible people in the society in our time? Aren’t the most indefensible people today our college students? Who are the people whom you could manipulate the easiest? Students are very young and often naiive about life. They have “left their father and mother” in order to study at a university. So it is rather difficult even for parents to influence their college-age children. What is more, if a college student enters a closed system (such as in ubf) they become most vulnerable. Look for an example here http://exubf.blogspot.ru/2007/07/donna.html.

John MacArthur gives an example in his lecture of “devouring widows” in our time. Some “preachers” go to the poorest nations in Africa and promise people that they will be blessed by God if they bring their money to the “church”. They even demand that these poor people bring their monthly payment and give it to the “preachers”. Hopefully students are richer than people in Africa. And after graduation the students can hopefully have good jobs and give nice tithes.

In the UBF context, I know for sure that to give the tithes is an “absolute” command. Also (at least in our chapter) when you have a job you must give your full first monthly payment to the UBF treasury as “your first fruit to the Lord”. Whether you are poor or not doesn’t matter. What is more it is very very difficult and unrealistic to find a person in ubf who would know how and who uses all the tithes of UBF people. You may know that people give their money to UBF, a lot of money, but that’s all you can know about the money after offering it. Isn’t this an example of “devouring widows”?

3. The scribes “…for a show make long prayers”. I personally could not and still cannot understand those UBF-style “3000 prayers” for an ISBC so that more than 3000 people would participate. Is this Christian? Is it healthy to pray for sending 100,000 ubf missionaries worldwide even after God hasn’t answered any ubf “number” prayer, and even after UBF missionaries showed themselves to be spiritually abusive toward many kinds of people? And even after sending ubf missionaries to the most Christian countries in the world? What kind of prayer does UBF promote and teach?

How do we deal with UBF leaders who have refused to repent?

Jesus says, “the same shall receive greater damnation”. They will receive a damnation from God which is greater than “usual damnation” for sinners. There are many Christian opinions about UBF available on the internet. Let me give one which is short and to the point of the article: http://www.apologeticsindex.org/u08.html. Please pay attention to the words “error” and “aberrant” and the way the site confronts UBF errors.

“Theologically, we consider the University Bible Fellowship to be at best an aberrant movement. In Christian theology, aberrant means, “Off-center or in error in some important way, such that the doctrine or practice should be rejected and those who accept it held to be sinning, even though they may very well be Christian.”

This blog, UBFriends, has provided public space and offers the possibility for real conversation with UBFleaders. However, it hasn’t worked over the past three years. The conversation hasn’t even begun yet actually with the UBF leaders who need to join in the discussion. Some UBF leaders have realized the problems in UBF with godly sorrow, and have already “told it to the church”. What do we do now? Do you see any principles for you to follow in Jesus’ confronting error with condemnation?

What are the overall stats for the first 5 months of 2013?

What countries spend the most time reading here?

What does a map of our readership look like?

Who makes the most visits here?

What cities in Korea read our blog?

I just want to ask Joe if you have tried the second step enough.

Have you confronted this issue with two or three more people? especially with witnesses?

I know you have already brought this before the church.

But if you haven’t done the second step, you may follow Jesus’ instruction, which is to go as a group rather than only you.

In Matthew 18:15-17, it appears that Jesus was instructing his disciples on how to deal with interpersonal conflicts. It doesn’t give us a step-by-step guide for how to handle systemic problems in the church. Yet I believe we can generalize Jesus’ teaching to community-wide situations. For dealing with corporal sins, a reasonable implementation would be:

• Step 1. Bring up the matters as privately and gently as possible with community leaders who are in a position to do something about them. If they do not listen, then proceed to…
• Step 2. Involve some more people (witnesses) who can back up your claims and testify that what you are saying is credible. Give the leaders hard evidence. Offer to work with them toward reasonable solutions. Do so patiently and persistently. If after repeated attempts they still do not listen, after you have exhausted all the reasonable alternatives, then proceed to…
• Step 3. Tell it to the church.

In an organization like UBF, it’s very difficult even to begin Step 1. Opportunities for candid communication with leaders have been nonexistent. I’ve seen this countless times. If you bring up a serious concern about UBF with a leader, you are going to be told to stop worrying, be positive, be humble, devote yourself to Bible study and serving sheep, and so on. Questions about UBF culture and practices are considered off limits. There have never been any safe zones in UBF where you could talk about ministry-wide problems without getting shut down and labeled as a troublemaker. At best, you might find a leader who seems willing to listen to you with a sympathetic ear. But that person won’t ever do anything about the issues you have raised. Sooner or later, you discover that their “listening” is nothing more than a strategy to manage a person whom they believe has become difficult and needs to be cured of a spiritual disease.

So before even trying Step 1, I needed to work on

• Step 0. Create space where UBF members and leaders could raise awareness of community problems without being dismissed and without retribution.

About four years ago, I starting to work with like-minded people  to create opportunities to talk honestly about the state of the ministry. We had some limited success is the fall of 2009 when the General Director reluctantly agreed to have a no-agenda retreat where elders and senior staff could voice their concerns. That no-agenda discussion lasted for one day. It was helpful, but it was only a start. I felt that we had barely scratched the surface, and in the months following that retreat I tried to create more opportunities for open discussion. I assumed that the elders and senior staff were okay with this because, at the end of the retreat, everyone had agreed that “open communication” was a top priority. But my requests for open communication were not well received; the responses that I got were silence, indifference, condescension and, on a few occasions, rebuke.

During the summer of 2010, we created UBFriends, hoping that it would bring a spirit of glasnost. Prior to launching the website, I reached out to as many UBF members as I could, explaining what the website was about and inviting them to participate in the discussions. I repeatedly contacted the senior leaders and asked them to participate. Several promised that they would, and two senior staff members even told me that they would write articles. That never happened. (Except for the contributions of James Kim, who wrote an article last month. )

And that lack of participation wasn’t because this website was full of anti-UBF material. You can go into the archives and see for yourself the articles and comments that appeared in those early days. All of the discussions were extremely mild and very kind to the organization. This website was very pro-UBF. We thought the articles were relevant and thought-provoking.

But from the beginning, UBF leaders made no effort to participate in this website.

Why they chose to avoid UBFriends is still a mystery to me. Did they feel threatened by it? Did they think that it would make them look undignified? Were they afraid to speak in an environment that was not completely under their control? Were they unwilling to express personal opinions or take positions on issues without first getting someone’s approval? Did they even allow themselves to have their own personal thoughts and opinions? Did they think the articles and comments were rubbish? Did they simply not care?

Perhaps someday they will give me a truthful answer to why they have stayed away from UBFriends from the beginning. But I won’t hold my breath waiting. I’ve learned that UBF leaders operate within a very small comfort zone. If you try to bring them out of that zone, they will stubbornly refuse to go there. If you ask them a simple and direct question that makes them uncomfortable, they will dodge the question or lecture you about “keeping the spiritual order.”  And in most cases, they will simply remain silent.

Let me now return to the question that prompted this article. Have I brought my concerns to UBF leaders in the presence of witnesses?

Witnesses play a crucial role. Without witnesses, the leaders are going to say, “Well, ahem, I see you are concerned about something. But I don’t hear anyone else talking about this. These are your personal opinions. Everyone else here seems to think that UBF is working pretty well.”

Without presenting evidence through testimony of witnesses, my concerns about UBF were being ignored and dismissed.

But in the UBF cultural environment, gathering evidence and witnesses must be done very cautiously. It can backfire in so many ways. For example, if you bring your concerns to UBF leaders with a group of like-minded people, the leaders will say that you are starting another R-group to split UBF. They will say that you are manipulating people and tricking them into following you so that you can gain power. (Yes, I have been accused of this. People have said, “Joe Schafer is like Absalom.”)

And if you bring the testimony of a witness to the leaders, the first thing they will ask is, “Who has been saying that?” As soon as they find out who the person is, they begin the process of isolating, discrediting and dissecting. They concoct all kinds of reasons why the witness is disgruntled and should not be taken seriously. SL was very, very good at weaving elaborate tales about people, diagnosing their alleged spiritual problems, creating intricate theories about why they were unhappy that had nothing to do with the actual matter. UBF leaders have learned how to do this from SL’s example and have become very adept at it. Anyone who sticks his neck out to become a witness against UBF practices is going to be the subject of character defamation, rumor mongering and shunning. He will be deserted by many of his “friends.” For these reasons, many potential witnesses in UBF will not come forward, because they know what would happen to them. They know the price they will have to pay, and feel the price is too steep.

So the gathering of witnesses needs to be done carefully.

After the fall 2009 retreat, a whole year passed without any opportunities for dialogue. I repeatedly contacted leaders to discuss important issues. My appeals were ignored. I was told that discussions should not happen by email and must happen only in face-to-face meetings. But those hypothetical meetings weren’t happening. Meanwhile, I sensed that the environment in UBF was getting worse. People were growing more and more dispirited and sullen. Meetings and conferences were permeated with an overwhelming sense of malaise. In fact, it seemed that many the people showing up at UBF events were ashamed of the ministry and its leaders.

But the leaders of UBF seemed not to notice this. They were acting as though everything was fine. They seemed to be living in a bubble, surrounded by like-minded people who told them only what they wanted to hear.

In November of 2010, I urgently felt that I needed to do something to wake up the leaders to the seriousness of the situation. I contacted approximately fifty UBF members whom I trusted to give me honest feedback about their perceptions of the ministry and its leadership. I asked them to respond to these five questions.

Question 1: What are the messages – the vision, direction, prayer topics, values, attitudes, etc. – that are actually being presented to you by UBF senior leaders? What are they trying to get you to do?

Question 2: How do you feel about these messages? Do they inspire you?

Question 3: What kind of message coming from senior leaders would truly inspire you, making you enthusiastic, happy, and truly wanting to remain in UBF for the foreseeable future?

Question 4: What would it take to make UBF a place that you are proud of, a place to which you could enthusiastically invite Christian and non-Christian friends to come and see without hesitation, reservation or apology?

Question 5: If there were a message that you could communicate to UBF’s General Director and the leaders of North American UBF (or European UBF, or wherever you are), what would it be?

About half of the people I contacted gave me written responses that were very thoughtful and very thorough. I read everyone’s comments very carefully and searched for common themes. Then I synthesized everything into a lengthy report that I sent to the North American senior leaders in November, 2010. Much of the report consisted of direct quotes from the respondents, with identifying information removed to keep them anonymous. My findings were:

1. UBF messages do not inspire the members.

2. The gospel is being assumed more than it is being proclaimed.

3. UBF is self-absorbed and inwardly focused, lifting itself up while ignoring the greater message of God’s kingdom and unity with the larger Body of Christ.

4. Leaders place a heavy focus on increasing UBF numbers and participating in certain outward activities as the primary measure of fruitfulness and spiritual growth.

5. Obedience to human leaders in UBF is still expected and demanded, and discussion of problematic aspects of UBF is still not tolerated.

6. In many ways, UBF still operates as a Korean church, maintaining a cultural climate that makes Americans uncomfortable.

7. UBF leaders continue to expect members to press on with fishing, one-to-one Bible study, and campus ministry, ignoring the demographic realities of who the members actually are, and ignoring other important ways of serving God.

8. The older generation is now telling the younger generation what their spiritual heritage and vision are without consulting them and without seeking renewal from the Holy Spirit.

The situation was bad, much worse than I had thought. Morale among members was so low that I predicted an exodus within the coming year. I wrote:

It is impossible to predict how many people are going leave UBF, or when they are going to leave. My best guess is that, if members perceive little change when the next General Director is announced next year, an exodus will begin. When valued members leave us, there is real or perceived betrayal. Significant relationships are broken, producing a great deal of pain and conflict; morale drops further, which may lead to even more departures.

If you are interested in seeing the whole report, you can read the full text of the document here.

By now, you are probably wondering how the leaders responded to my efforts. Well, my friends, that’s a fascinating story. You will have to stay tuned…

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

There are many, many things that have happened in my church — some long ago, some recent — that are weighing heavily upon my conscience. They weigh heavily upon me because, as a leader and pastor, I believe that I am supposed to hold my fellow leaders and pastors accountable for what they do and what they fail to do, just as they are supposed to hold me accountable.

In these matters,  I believe that I have followed the instructions of Jesus using the channels of communication available to me. On numerous occasions I have communicated my concerns privately to the General Director. I have brought many specific issues to the attention of the North American senior staff. I have been in close communication with the Ethics Commitee. I have exhausted every avenue of private communication that is available.

No, I have not done so perfectly. I have not always spoken to UBF leaders in their preferred style of communication. At times I have been very blunt. At times I have revealed anger and frustration. I have not said things exactly as Jesus would because I am not Jesus. But those of you who know me well can testify that I have made a good faith effort to express these concerns to leaders on numerous occasions. At times, I was led to believe that something meaningful would be done. I patiently waited for something to be done. I waited and waited and waited. But now all the signs that I can see are showing that leaders are not willing to address these concerns in any serious way. Their lack of response tells me that they are just not listening, and that from now on they intend to listen to me even less.

Jesus said, “If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church.” So if you beling to UBF or are a concerned member of the wider church, I will now tell you what I am concerned about.

My concern is that UBF leaders are still unwilling to face the ministry’s history of abusive discipleship practices. These abuses did not just happen once in a while. They were a regular defining feature of UBF as far back as I can remember.

Here is a short list of some of the things I am talking about. I gave this list earlier today in a comment on this website. Comments tend to disappear from view after just a few hours. I don’t want this list to disappear from view. So I’m reposting it now as an article.

These are some of the things that I remember about being in Chicago UBF when SL was directing. These are the some practices that defined UBF style discipleship for me when I entered the ministry. The specific practices and bad theology that justified them were not limited to Chicago, nor have they disappeared. They still persist nearly everywhere that UBF operates in varying ways and degrees. Even if they didn’t persist, we still need to talk about them, because these things have a long lasting impact on individuals and the community as a whole. These experiences have shaped us in ways that we have never understood or admitted,

I will state these things as objectively as I can, without making any value judgments. Then you can judge for yourselves whether they are problematic.

* SL reserved the right to change the name of anyone at any time. He reserved the right to name your children.

* SL reserved the right to tell you to quit your job at a moment’s notice.

* He reserved the right to tell you at any time to change your clothing or hairstyle.

* No one could marry without his specific approval. He chose whom you could marry. The wedding would be at a time and place of his choosing.

* In many cases, the length of time between when he introduced people to each other and told them that they ought to marry and the actual wedding was less than one week.

* When he married couples, he made up the wedding vows and regularly inserted promises that had nothing to do with marriage (such as promising to go as missionaries to Russia etc.). These vows were not agreed upon by the couple ahead of time.

* If you turned down a marriage candidate that he chose for you, you could be severely rebuked and trained for it. One woman who didn’t want to marry a Korean missionary was told by him, “If you say no again, you will go to hell.”

* No one could miss a Monday night meeting or a Friday night meeting or SWS ever. If you missed a meeting without a good excuse (or even if you had an excuse) you would get rebuked and trained.

* SL would often impose quotas on fellowship leaders to bring a certain number of people to SWS and to conferences. Those who failed would be shamed or punished in various ways.

* If SL thought you did not offer enough money at Christmas worship service, he might rebuke you in front of everyone.

* Sometimes he told missionaries and sheperds whose parents were well off to ask their parents for large sums of money.

* When SL rebuked people, he often did so harshly. Many of his comments to people and about people were far more brazen and brutal than the comments that have appeared here on UBFriends. But no one objected to SL’s language because they got used to it. They believed he had a right to speak that way because he was “God’s servant.”

* No one could take a trip or travel outside the Chicago area for any reason without SL’s approval. And if you did travel, you had better be back in town for Sunday worship service, otherwise you would be severely rebuked and trained.

* If you were from another chapter (not Chicago) and you were selected to go on a “journey team” to Korea or elsewhere, you were told to buy an airline ticket to Chicago with an open return date (which was very expensive). The reason for the open return date is that once you were in Chicago, SL reserved the right to keep you there indefinitely for training. You were not allowed to leave Chicago until he told you that you could.

* SL would often prescribe unorthodox diets and medical treatments and in some cases surgical procedures and the doctors and nurses in Chicago UBF would carry them out.

* If you objected to any of these practices, all of the missionaries and shepherds would immediately counsel you to obey SL because he was God’s servant. Failure to obey even in a very small matter could result in Skokie training, monetary fines, public shaming, etc.

I could go on listing many more of these practices.

Perhaps some people will object that I have aired UBF’s dirty laundry on a public website. But this is not UBF’s dirty laundry. These were the standard operating procedures for the fellowship. They happened on a regular basis, and everyone knew about them. There are many, many more scandalous things that I could mention but won’t.

I stand as a witness to the church to tell you that these things actually happened. I am not saying that everything that UBF ever did was bad. I am not saying that all UBF ever did was to abuse people every day. UBF has done many things over the years. And the things I have listed above are a very real part of UBF’s history.

If you witnessed these things too, please say so.

If you think that I’m lying, that I’ve made these things up, please say so.

If you think that this article is just an immature rant and should not be taken seriously, please tell me why.

If you think that these practices are not a problem and that they are consistent with the gospel, please tell me why.

If you think that these practices have no adverse long-term impact on people, please tell me why.

If you think that UBF can just forget about this stuff and go on trying to preach the gospel and raise disciples without acknowledging its history, please tell me why.

If you think that it was wrong for me to write these things on UBFriends, please tell me when and where and how I could have handled these concerns.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”

At a recent breakfast with a group of Christian men, one person offered this verse as an illustration of how believers ought to have fellowship with one another. Real friendship, he suggested, is not merely for relaxing and enjoying one another’s company; it is also for holding one another accountable and telling one another the hard truths that we all need to hear.

Accountability is certainly needed. And who can dispute the importance of telling anyone the hard truths that they need to hear?

But as the friend was sharing this verse, I looked it up on my Kindle, and noticed the two verses immediately before it: “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand” (Pr 27:15-16).

And the verse immediately before that: “If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse” (Pr 27:14).

As I read those verses, I started to chuckle. If Rodney Dangerfield had been transported back in time and inspired to become an author of Scripture, these are the kinds of things he might write. Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

Some of the verses in Proverbs seem to be stand-alone sayings, but other verses appear to loosely cluster around common themes. If this is a thematic section, then the saying about the loudmouthed neighbor (the guy who, as your kindergarten teacher would say, needs to learn how to speak with an “inside voice”) and the verses about the cantankerous spouse might shed some light on how to read the “iron sharpens iron” verse. No intelligent person would interpret verse 14 as a positive example of how to be a good neighbor. Nor should we treat verses 15-16 as a picture of a healthy marriage. So why should we take verse 17 as positive advice for how friends ought to treat one another? If we read 17 in the same vein as 14 and 15-16, it becomes another negative example or perhaps even a summary statement. When fallen human beings live in community with one another, they grate, scratch and abrade. They expose one another’s rough edges and file them smooth. Verse 17 could be taken as descriptive rather than prescriptive, a statement of how things are rather than how they ought to be. Just by being together, friends will naturally do this to one another. Should we intentionally go out of our way to do this even more?

Yesterday, my wife sent me this gut-wrenching story of a Christian woman (a former missionary) whose husband had extramarital affairs and eventually divorced her. As she shared her struggles with a friend, the friend responded with a tough question: “Why do you think he had an affair?” Then the friend asked even more pointedly: “How do you think you contributed to his affair?”

Tears streamed down the woman’s face. Looking back on that encounter with her friend, she concluded: “That conversation was one of my lowest moments.”

I’m sure that the friend had good intentions. She wanted to be balanced. To see all sides of the complex issues. To rise above the messy, dirty details of dispute and see the whole thing from a higher plane where she could love the woman while also challenging her and leading her to repentance. While doing that, she didn’t realize how merciless she was, and how those questions were piercing her friend’s heart like poison-tipped arrows tearing into flesh.

Had the woman whose husband cheated on her ever thought about those questions before? Had she ever considered that her behavior as a less-than-perfect wife might have left her husband at times feeling disrespected, unloved and unfulfilled? Of course she had! She wrestled with those questions long before the friend brought them up. She describes herself as “introspective, self-analyzing, self-critical” almost to a fault. On her own, she had come to the conclusion that she did bear part of the blame for her failed marriage. And she had discerned that, despite her failings as a wife, the husband was entirely to blame for his extramarital affairs. The fact that he had run off with another woman was not her fault.

This story brings up some painful memories of how well meaning Christians have treated me — and embarassing memories of how I have treated others — in times of messy struggle and conflict. Somewhere along the line, we seem to have gotten the idea that to be a true friend to someone, we have to take it upon ourselves to listen to their side of a painful story and then rise above it all to be a source of enlightened wisdom. We can sympathize with their plight, but not too much, lest it fuel their hurt feelings and cause them to be bitter. A true friend, we think, is not merely a confidante or an ally, but someone who needs to give hard advice and tough love under the guise of leading them toward brokenhearted repentance before the truth.

Is that what friends are for?

Apparently, that’s what Job’s friends thought.

Why are well meaning Christian friends so quick to take it upon themselves to sharpen one another? Perhaps we don’t yet know the meaning of love.

Love is notoriously hard to define. In the famous poem of 1 Corinthians 13, the Apostle Paul ascribes numerous adjectives to love, but he doesn’t try to define it. One of the best definitions that I’ve ever seen appears in the book The Jesus Creed by (yes, you guessed it) Scot McKnight. I’m sorry for constantly referring to books by Scot McKnight these days. For some unknown reason, the things I’ve learned from his writings seem to come up again and again. That definition of love goes something like this (not an exact quote): Love is a rugged commitment to being WITH someone, for the sake of being FOR them, to divine ends.

To love someone who is going through a painful crisis does not require us to offer advice or render judgment. There are times when advice is called for, but those times are probably much rarer than we think. Love require us to listen and try to understand the person’s plight. Not to pretend that we understand. (If we are unable to understand, then it’s better to admit that than to pretend that we do.) And to stand with that person in support. And to love them unconditionally, as God loves them unconditionally.

Why is that so hard to do? Why do we so quickly lapse into the role of teaching others, shepherding others, giving them advice, and so on, instead of just standing with them and standing for them?

Let me offer a theory.

When someone tells us a painful story, very often it is about how they were damaged by someone else. Person A was hurt by Person B or by Faction C. By default, we tend to think that if we are going to stand with Person A, then we must necessarily stand against Person B or Faction C. That’s what human logic dictates.

But the gospel defies human logic. As Jesus hung from the cross, he suffered in the place of those who loved him. He also suffered in the place of those who hated him. He identified with his friends, with his enemies, with his friends’ friends, with his friends’ enemies, with his enemies’ friends, and with his enemies’ enemies. He took everyone’s infirmities upon himself and gave his life for all.

When you hear the painful story of how Person A was hurt by Person B or by Faction C, then human logic drives you to choose whether you are going to be loyal to Person A and stand against Person B or Faction C. If you are also a friend of Person B, or if you happen to belong to Faction C, then you are placed in an uncomfortable postion. You find yourself trying to walk the fine line, to thread the needle, to remain fair and balanced, to rise above it all and see things from God’s point of view (yeah, have fun with that). Under human logic, community life becomes characterized by endless shifting of alliances, balancing of opposing persons and perspectives, causing you to remain aloof from the suffering person before you who, being afraid to actually love them lest you drift too far into their camp and away from their enemies’ camp.

But gospel logic understands that the line between good and evil does not divide one person from another or one faction from another. The line that divides good from evil runs through every human heart. Every perpetrator is also a victim. And person who is oppressed by someone else will, at other times, act as an oppressor. Calvary love does not call us to stand for the victim and against the oppressor. It calls us to stand for the victim and for the oppressor.

Yes, there are times when a friend will need to offer another friend some hard-to-hear advice. But those times are few and far between. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer reminds us in Life Together, the first and foremost way that we are called to serve our friends is by a ministry of listening. Here is a quote from the chapter titled “Service”:

The first service one owes to others in the community involves listening to them. Just as our love for God begins with listening to God’s Word, the beginning of love for other Christians is learning to listen to them. God’s love for us is shown by the fact that God not only gives us God’s Word, but also lends us God’s ear. We do God’s work for our brothers and sisters when we learn to listen to them. So often Christians, especially preachers, think that their only service is always to have to “offer” something when they are together with other people. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people seek a sympathetic ear and do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking when they should be listening. But Christians who can no longer listen to one another will soon no longer be listening to God either; they will always be talking even in the presence of God. The death of spiritual life starts here, and in the end there is nothing left but empty spiritual chatter and clerical condescension which chokes on pious words. Those who cannot listen long and patiently will always be talking past others, and finally no longer will even notice it. Those who think their time is too precious to spend listening will never really have time for God and others, but only for themselves and their own words and plans.

How do we deal with injustice? A sense of justice flows in the blood of every human being created in the image of a just and righteous God (Gen 1:27, 18:25). Whenever and however injustice happens, our blood boils over and our very beings want to explode and demand justice. Surely, this is because our God is the God of justice, with justice being intricately and inseparably intertwined with righteousness (Ps 89:14; 103:6; Isa 9:7; 33:5; Amos 5:24). As Abraham’s descendants through Christ, we are called to do what is right and just (Gen 18:19).

Justice expressed through vengeance. Django (Jamie Foxx) is a black slave. He was bought by Dr. Schultz (Christoph Waltz), a white bounty hunter. They became partners and friends. They search for Django’s wife, a slave owned by a racist plantation owner Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio). The extreme violence and brutality caused me to cringe. But there was a deep satisfaction to it because every “bad bastard” gets their due (excuse my language), which you knew was coming as you watched the movie. Hopefully, this is not a spoiler. It is like a Western Dirty Harry with Django playing the part.

No one likes injustice. We might expect injustice from non-Christians, but not from Christians. But both non-Christians and Christians alike commit injustice, because Christians are still sinners with blind spots and self righteousness. How do we Christians deal with injustice? We should not do so like Django or Dirty Harry. Nonetheless, we should always fight for what is right and just through Christ and the gospel of the grace of God (Acts 20:24).

Attractive biblical themes in movies. As Les Miserables proclaims mercy and grace, Django Unchained screams for righteousness and justice. Both are highly attractive biblical themes that might account for the mass appeal of both movies.

How do we address and deal with injustice as Christians (without killing anyone)?

Here are some word clouds generated free by the Wordle website.

This cloud and the one above both show a small snapshot of the last 5 articles:

Any observations on what we’ve been talking about?

Here is a word cloud based on the last 100 articles on ubfriends:

Here is a word cloud based on the last 100 comments here:

UBF, on a wide scale, needs to acknowledge that blaming the person who leaves UBF is never the way to solve any problem. Blaming others fails to take any personal responsibility. So, people will continue to leave, as has been the case. Last month another couple left after two decades in UBF. In 2013, my hope and prayer is that issues that have existed for many decades in many UBF chapters, big and small, may be addressed by taking more and more personal responsibility.

In Part 1, I shared Joshua’s well articulated comment that many people leave UBF because they feel their freedom in Christ restricted, controlled and dictated by their pastor (or shepherd or chapter leader). In Part 2, I post another perceptive comment by Joshua as to why people leave UBF even after many years: “the (40-50 year) unspoken and yet very present idea that individuals exist for the perpetuation of the ministry….therefore their lives must be externally controlled in a manner that is conducive to the continuation of the objectives of the ministry.” Aren’t Joshua’s comments valid? If so, perhaps solutions to problems may begin to be tackled by asking some hard questions:

Are some UBF members freedom restricted, controlled and dictated by their UBF leaders?

Does UBF compel its members to exist for UBF’s success, as determined by the leader?

Do UBF leaders take responsibility for causing people to leave UBF?

Is everyone agreed that UBF’s leadership style is authoritarian and hierarchical (which is unhealthy, unbiblical and un-Christlike)?

Based on Jen’s comment, should a UBF member be reprimanded for suggesting ministry ideas to her chapter leader, since she is “not the leader”?

According to David’s comment, a person who critiques UBF is interpreted as having their own problems or is in a bad mood. Is this true?

All seem agreed, including Chris, that communication and dialogue needs to happen. But according to Joe’s comment, both public and private communication has been difficult. Why?

Should UBF stop promoting Christianity as military training?

Do we need to address the way some UBF chapters help people to “marry by faith”?

Does UBF have a view to prosper the universal church?

Are we happy to genuinely speak well of those who leave UBF?

Thoughts? Further questions or comments?

7 competing glories.

1. The glory of human honor.
2. The glory of being in control.
3. The glory of human success.
4. The glory of the size of numbers.
5. The glory of being right.
6. The glory of being esteemed.
7. The glory of our own church, our own turf.

The rush of competing glories. For a couple of decades I had a rush of ecstasy because of all of these glories. I had the glory of human honor and the glory of being esteemed by being regarded as a fruitful shepherd with the most sheep. I had the glory of human success and the glory of the size of numbers by being the largest fellowship in the world mission headquarters. I loved the glory of being in control when I had the power to decide who is ready and who is not ready to be married. I also loved the glory of being right by beating up my sheep and fellowship members with the word of God and my “Dirty Harry” persona. These glories truly felt so much better and more exhilarating than the glory of God alone! To this day it is a daily agony to personally realize this and be humbled to the dust.

The problem of competing glories. The single major problem of competing glories is that it hurts and wounds people in the church. It crushes and discourages others. It does not uplift or encourage anyone because the glory of God is not magnificently and prominently displayed. How does this happen? When a person’s glory is their own honor and esteem, then they cannot but respond and react based on how they perceive they are being honored or dishonored. UBF has a strong honor culture based on Asian sensitivities and Confucianism. As a result, many younger people have been hurt when some leaders use their position and power to control others and to “put them in their place” when they feel that their own honor is not properly upheld. In this way, they lord over their sheep and members (Mk 10:42; Mt 20:25), rather than serve or embrace them. Lording over anyone is always self exaltation and of the devil (Acts 19:16). “Overpowered” is the same Greek word as “lord it over.”

What is the solution? Until the glory of God thrills my soul, competing glories will still dictate everything I say and do and decide.

How can we exalt the glory of God? Die to self. Die to human glory. Die to my human honor. Die to the glory of UBF. Focus on what Jesus, Paul and the saints through our history focused on.

What can we do to exalt the glory of God? What practical steps can be taken?

Question

My answer (which may please no one) is: “No, but … UBF has (what cult groups have called) cult-like behavior.” Why?

UBF leadership is authoritarian and hierarchical. Authoritarianism invariably results in cult-like behavior by both the Christian leader and their members. For 2 decades as a UBF fellowship leader, I practiced most, if not all, of what I describe below. I am convinced that many in UBF can relate to or have personally experienced the following (If this is not true, please refute and categorically contradict!):

1) The leader makes you think and feel that he has the God given right and authority to decide your life and your future: who you (can or cannot) marry, when you marry, how you marry, threats to cancel your wedding unless…, not support your independent decisions. As a result, some UBF members live in fear of their leader (cf. Prov 29:25). They learn how to “act” and “behave” to be seen in their good graces, so that they will be given “the blessing to marry,” or so that they won’t be mentioned as a bad example in the Sun message or announcements. I have lied countless times as a fellowship leader by misreporting the number of people who came to church, so as to “avoid receiving training.”

2) The leader is practically and functionally like God. You cannot question the UBF leader without often suffering some retaliation, repercussion, caricature or marginalization. Likely, some will be greatly offended by the title of this post. Likely, they will not read it; if they do, they will not respond. So far, only a few UBF leaders have commented. Some want to shut down UBFriends.

3) Legalism based on the leader’s method, directives, preference, training, which becomes “absolute” and usually non-negotiable. Freedom is lacking because you cannot do what the leader doesn’t like or approve. For eg., “Shave! Otherwise, you cannot marry!” A young man once told me about a girl he liked in church. I said to him, “There is absolutely no way that you can ever date or marry her, because you are a new young unknown UBF member, while the girl is a senior UBF leader’s daughter.” He left UBF.

4) Unhealthy dependency of UBF members on the leader’s direction, and of leaders expecting compliance and “absolute” obedience/submission from members.

5) Leaders have great difficulty acknowledging or apologizing to subordinates for their mistakes. This may be because their mistakes stemmed from their well meaning good intentions, which I believe is often true. Even if they may apologize, they may do so out of “duty,” but it may not be from the heart with brokenness and contrition. I once apologized to a Bible student for calling him a punk. But in my heart I felt fully justified for doing so, and was not really sorry for “telling him the truth.”

6) Deep trinitarian equality and friendship with others is lacking, because the leader may carry themselves as “above the rest.” John Stott says it best in Basic Christian Leadership: “…it is my firm conviction that there is too much autocracy (or oligarchy) in the leaders of the Christian community, in defiance of the teaching of Jesus and his apostles, and not enough love and gentleness. Too many behave as if they believed not in the priesthood of all believers but in the papacy of all pastors.” For decades, I refrained from being vulnerable before my church members; otherwise I could not “train them.”

UBF is not a cult. Despite all the above, UBF leaders are not cult leaders, because they love and trust the Bible, even if they may overemphasize certain teachings, such as obedience to God/them, rather than the gospel of grace (Acts 20:24) or Christ crucified (1 Cor 1:23; 2:2). They do not go off to extra-biblical revelations, as cult leaders often do, as described by Ludy. But I understand that it would be very easy to think of us as cult leaders, because many do not realize how controlling and manipulative they may be. As I said, I know this full well. I did it for over 2 decades and felt perfectly fine!

Christian leaders have historically been abusive. The prior paragraph may be terribly hard to swallow for those who have clearly been abused by some authoritarian UBF leaders, because abuse, intended or not, results in deep inner wounds that may take years, even a lifetime, to heal.

These quotes are my current signature in my Gmail:

• “History is full of disgraceful examples of self-righteous Christians who acted as though their own convictions about God’s call justified their ill treatment of others.” Anthony Gittins, Reading the Clouds.
• “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely expressed for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. Those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” C.S. Lewis.
• “There is no deeper pathos in the spiritual life of man than the cruelty of righteous people.” Reinhold Niebuhr, An Interpretation of Christian Ethics.

I am optimistic that UBF will gradually change and is gradually changing, not because we are able to change, but because God is good.

Is this a satisfactory answer? Please chime in, comment, critique, correct, contradict, and communicate in context concretely your consciousness and your conscience, or offer concise (or elaborate) counter proposals.

Check out this 12 min video picture montage of my 6 week stay in Philippines UBF. It was made by Jes of Antipolo UBF.

Mini Revival. Many new students are coming to Antipolo UBF, a church plant of Philippines UBF initiated 3 years ago by Dr. John Talavera (a Professor of Anatomy and Physiology) and his wife Hannah. I led Bible studies at their fellowship meetings 6 times over 6 weeks. 40 to 50 students came each time (15 student leaders among them), many of whom are new Christians. Almost all are younger than 20. 75% are girls. When I was returning to Chicago, we had exuberant, extended farewells at their Fri fellowship, Sun dinner, and Mon fellowship that included saying good byes, handshakes, tons of pics, much laughter, individual hugs, and even all together collective bear hugs which I had never experienced before. This “goodbyes” happened 3 times.

I have never felt so loved and welcomed! Sam Altobar, William’s son, said it is not unusual for some Filipino Christians to almost worship their popular pastor or church leader. When I experienced this, I wondered about it. But their joy was genuine and pure. It came from their love for Jesus, and their appreciation for our many Bible studies together. So I praised God for their joy in Jesus and the Word.

Secret sins. At a Bible study I said that secret sins that we hide will kill us, because Satan wants us to keep our sins privately to ourselves. But if we confess and share them before God and fellow Christians, Satan loses the power to control us through our sin. 2 weeks later a girl approached me and asked, “Can I share with you my secret sins?” As she shared she cried and asked me to pray for her to stop sinning. She gave me a faith bracelet and nice card thanking me for teaching the Bible to her.

Dump the boy! I also shared that Christian girls should exclude dating any boy who has a bad temper, is lazy, watches porno, and who does not love Jesus more than her. I said, “Dump any such boy!” A girl cried because unbeknownst to me she had been dating. Perhaps, I was too harsh. But she thanked me in the video montage saying, “Thank you for being a blessing to us. I will make (your teachings) my guide, especially when choosing a right partner.” Quite a few others cried as they confessed their brokenness. As a result, I began to be teased as one who makes girls cry.

Richness in poverty. Every student I met is poor. Some stop school because they are unable to pay their tuition. Countless students suffer from dysfunctional families. One girl has not seen her father for 15 years, since he left for the U.S. when she was 4 years old. A boy was abandoned by both his father and mother. Countless others suffer because of alcoholism, adultery, violence and incest. Thus, when they share about their parents, they cannot contain their tears, and their sorrow is palpable. Yet, the grace of Jesus is also real to them. Jesus’ words ring true: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God”

Pillars. Thank God for the pillars of Philippines UBF: William, Sarah, Timothy, Esther, Jonathan, Grace, John, Hannah, Susan, Arlene, Minda, Gemma, etc. I learn so much from them compared with the little that I teach them. Their poverty in Spirit (Mt 5:3) enriches my life beyond measure each year that I visit them.

Do you experience richness in poverty?

Samuel Lee was Meek (and Authoritarian

Not Overbearing, but Meek. Jesus, Paul, and Peter all spoke on this important attribute of an exemplary Christian leader. Jesus said we should not lord it over others like the rulers of the Gentiles by emphatically saying, “Not so with you” (Mt 20:25-26; Mk 10:42-43). Paul said that Christian leaders “must be blameless—not overbearing” (Tit 1:7). Peter said that leaders in the church must be “eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you” (1 Pet 5:2-3). Clearly a Christian leader should be one who is meek, for they (not the overbearing) will inherit the earth (Mt 5:5).

A “not discussed” Weakness of Christian Leadership: Being Overbearing. Perhaps, the most common form of pastoral failure historically is sexual sin. Perhaps, the least addressed form of pastoral inadequacy historically is spiritual abuse and spiritual bullying, which damages and wounds the people of God in the church. Some Christian leaders do not like to hear this because in their heart and mind they truly meant well, which I do not deny. Nonetheless, they need to listen to “their sheep” and be accountable to them, as much as they expect accountability and submission from them.

Even Anointed Christian Leaders are Sinners. The list is endless. John Calvin approved the execution of Michael Sevetus for denying the trinitarian nature of God. Jonathan Edwards and George Whitfield kept slaves. John Wesley, George Mueller, David Livingston, and AW Tozer were not loving husbands, though they were passionate for Christ. Many notable Christian leaders have a bad temper. Tong, though clearly anointed, offended my wife and son who were with me, by his negative caricature of Catholics and Charismatics. Lee and many UBF leaders after him are authoritarian, which is not unusual in churches throughout Asia. John Stott writes in his book Calling Christian Leaders that the lead pastor is functionally the king of his church, for his word is law and his directives cannot be questioned without consequence.

Is my account of Lee’s meekness and anointing too generous? Is my assessment of UBF authoritarianism too harsh a caricature and generalization?

I reassessed what I had been doing. I decided to stop writing testimonies, to not attend weekly meetings and yearly conferences, to regularly visit my aged mother in Malaysia, to stop “message training,” to allow responsible dating among single Christians, to resign as an elder after 20 years, and to freely and respectfully voice my objection or disagreement (agreeably and prayerfully) when I do not agree with others. This upset some people. But I was and I am free in Christ to do so with the fear of God in my heart (Prov 1:7, 9:10), and without dishonoring God or the Bible or Christianity.

For the record, I am a Christian and a fully committed UBF member. I have not counted, but I have likely offered over a million to this ministry by virtue of being a physician. This is not a bragging right, nor a credit to me, because it is purely and entirely God’s grace to me. Because of UBF’s influence I love the Bible to this day, along with preaching, Bible teaching, mentoring others, raising leaders, and church planting. My entire Christian life and experience has been shaped by UBF for 32 years and counting. I am also not against the things I stopped doing. I have never discouraged others to not write testimonies, or to not attend UBF conferences, or to not marry by faith. (But I have expressed to many that “message training” makes our UBF messengers weird, because some no longer sound like themselves when they preach.) For the sake of my own sanity, I had to rediscover the freedom that I know I have in Christ.

Freedom  attracts non-Christians. Non-Christians are not free because they are enslaved by violence, video games and voyeurism, by porno, partying and playing around. But after becoming Christians we can also quite easily become enslaved. Historically, Christians become enslaved to their own religious traditions and methodologies, as though their religious habits give them an advantage or a superior status over others. Such “Christian” enslavement causes us to become more like Pharisees than like Jesus. Why do prostitutes flock to Jesus, but not to the Pharisees? Might this be a reason why prostitutes do not flock to many of our Christian churches today?

Freedom is not easy. The first week I stopped writing testimonies, I felt as though the ground would open up and swallow me alive for sinning greatly against God. Then I asked myself, “Will God love/bless me more if I write? Am I sinning and grieving God by not writing?” The answer was obvious. Still it was terribly hard to deny myself and not write!! I have always loved to share stories and testimonies. I am just no longer doing so by writing testimonies. Instead, I blog!

Is freedom dangerous? Absolutely! Christians abusing their freedom surely happens. But does it mean that we should be afraid of freedom and no longer teach it, proclaim it, declare it, and shout it from the rooftops?

Fear of freedom? Correct me if I’m wrong, but we Christians are often afraid of teaching freedom, as we are of teaching grace. We think that if we really teach freedom and grace, then young Christians will just live as they want. They won’t come to church. They won’t go to conferences. They won’t study the Bible. They won’t evangelize others. They won’t marry by faith. Etc. I beg to strongly disagree.

Legalism or liberty? Whenever we enforce anything, even good Christian habits, we promote legalism rather than liberty. Perhaps without being aware of it, we do not really give young Christians the freedom of choice. We guilt trip them if they don’t want to come to a conference, or marry someone we recommend to them. We know we should not do this. Yet it has happened often enough. It is only when we truly proclaim freedom, including freedom not to do what we do in UBF, that the Christian life is the most attractive and appealing life in the world.

Are you truly free in Christ?

Also, we have stopped going to the campuses to invite students to Bible study. We may have lost our initial “fire,” zeal and enthusiasm, because of the many burdens of life. There is surely also truth to this.

Work Harder. So is the solution simply that we should pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and repent of our “family-centeredness,” laziness and worldliness, and just work harder to re-devote ourselves for evangelization, “fishing,” and proselytizing? Perhaps, so.

But is this it? Just try harder? Study the Bible more?

Might I propose reasons that some (not all) might find uncomfortable or disconcerting?

Let Local Leaders Lead. David Garrison, in his 2003 book Church Planting Movements, says that once a missionary has established a church among the native people, the task is to instill in them a passion for starting new churches, not under the direction of the missionary, but by the indigenous leader’s own authority and with their own resources. Could this be a reason why the work of God in UBF has stalled for the most part, except for a few places? Our missionaries are still the ones in authority wherever there is a UBF chapter in virtually all countries. Is this bad?

Authoritarian leadership. UBF has an authoritarian leadership style, which Jesus explicitly says that his disciples should not do (Mt 20:25-27; Mk 10:42-44). Both Peter and Paul say the same thing (1 Pet 5:3; Phm 8-9). “Lording our leadership over others” just kills the spirit of those lorded over sooner or later, even if they may welcome it at first when they are new “naive” Christians. After 50 years of UBF history, authoritarian leadership is only now being gradually addressed. Surely, everyone agrees that a leader should not “bully” his members in the name of love, shepherding, or “training.” They should gently persuade others, as both Jesus and Paul did in the NT, and as God Himself did in the OT.

With prayer and respect, everyone in the church should be able to freely speak whatever is on their heart and mind. Once someone asked me, “Can we say this in the church?” I was surprised at her question, because the answer is “Of course,” since we are among Christians who love each other. But the reality is that if she vocalized an objection or posed a disapproving question about a leader’s decision, she would be regarded negatively and unfavorably. So, she “shut up.”

There must be friendship, equality and justice. Jesus, our Lord, calls us his friends (Jn 15:15). David Garrison says that a priesthood of all believers among Christians (1 Pet 2:9; Ex 19:6) is the most egalitarian doctrine in the Bible. But when a missionary is the one in authority over indigenous people, equality is only a theory but not a reality, because the missionary who planted the church will always be “a notch above” his converts and disciples.

Staff education must remove cultural and personal elements as much as possible. Every culture is blind to its own eccentricities and uniqueness. In Korean culture, hierarchy and order is perfectly normal and few would question it. In the U.S., equality, fairness and justice is the norm. When a UBF missionary disciples his American convert, he will inadvertently impose his own cultural values on his American disciple. Unless he consciously “denies himself” to not do so, he will be converting his American disciple to become like a Korean Christian.

Missionary mistakes. According to Roland Allen’s classic Missionary Methods: St. Paul’s or Ours?, a major mistake of missionaries is that they did too much. The book is available online here. Rather than simply sowing the seeds of the gospel and entrusting the native converts’ growth and development to the Holy Spirit, they over-trained them, thus re-making them into the missionaries’ own image and culture, rather than allowing them to grow into the indigenous Christians that God would have them become. Even after years of ministry, the missionaries continued to impose strict discipline and tight control over the affairs of the native Christians. They did not leave the church in their hands, for they regarded them as immature and “not ready,” compared to the missionaries “high” standards.

False sense of importance and indispensability. Let me conclude with a paragraph from Allen that explains why missionaries have prevented the growth of indigenous Christian leaders (Chapter 8):

“The secret of success in (Paul’s) work lies in the beginning at the very beginning. It is the training of the first converts which sets the type for the future. If the first converts are taught to depend on the missionary, if all work, evangelistic, educational, social is concentrated in his hands, the infant community learns to rest passively on the man from whom they receive their first insight into the Gospel. Their faith having no sphere for its growth and development lies dormant. A tradition very rapidly grows up that nothing can be done without the authority and guidance of the missionary, the people wait for him to move, and, the longer they do so, the more incapable they become of any independent action. Thus the leader is confirmed in the habit of gathering all authority into his own hands, and of despising the powers of his people, until he makes their inactivity an excuse for denying their capacity. The fatal mistake has been made of teaching the converts to rely upon the wrong source of strength. Instead of seeking it in the working of the Holy Spirit in themselves, they seek it in the missionary. They put him in the place of Christ, they depend upon him.”

After 50 years of UBF history, many indigenous converts may have already adopted UBF traditions and methodologies, which are culturally Korean, as their norm of Christian life. Can they still be autochthonous? What can we now begin to do as a global ministry for the next 50 years?

Code of Ethics for Pastors (CEP). Over 18 months, through a taskforce that included ethicists, pastors, editors and denominational leaders, the NAE (National Association of Evangelicals) developed and adopted the NAE CEP on Mar 8, 2012. The CEP is a 4 page document that can be read, downloaded and signed here. Notable pastors who have signed it are Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Tim Keller, Max Lucado, etc.

The 5 headings of the CEP are:

1. Pursue Integrity.
2. Be Trustworthy.
3. Seek Purity.
4. Embrace Accountability.
5. Facilitate Fairness.

How have we done? As I read the CEP, I would say that UBF pastors, chapter directors, and elders have generally done well. No leader is perfect or sinless. They/we all have blind spots, cultural biases, and some degree of pride, which is our common curse. But UBF leaders do want to exalt Christ, give their hearts to studying, preaching and teaching the Bible as of utmost importance, and lead others sacrificially with purity of heart. There are countless stories of UBF leaders who have lived honorable and God exulting lives for decades. This is not to say that they have not said, done and made decisions that were “sinful,” showing favoritism, inward focused, clandestine, and questionable. After all, all our leaders are exactly like us in that they do actually sin in real ways!

How has our founder done? I (and others) have commented on some deficiencies of UBF founder Samuel Lee. Yet my ultimate recollection of knowing Lee for 22 years is that he is a genuinely loving man who is transformed by God, who sacrificially loves Jesus and his kingdom, and is a man of faith and industry. Yet some of his actions were questionable and would not stand up to these CEP, especially in reference to accountability and transparency, which I attribute to his authoritarian leadership stemming from a culture steeped in hierarchy and “spiritual order.” Such authoritarianism is what we in UBF are continuing to address, discuss, and rectify.

Accountability and Transparency. How might this code of ethics be helpful to UBF? #4 is “embrace accountability.”  Without a doubt, UBF leaders have tended not to be accountable, especially to those who are younger and junior to them, because of our longstanding culture of hierarchy. Shepherds (and leaders) have tended not to be accountable to sheep, while expecting sheep to always be accountable to them. Hierarchy and a lack of accountability has resulted in suboptimal confession of sin, a reluctance to sincerely apologize, and inadequate transparency among some leaders, resulting in well articulated grievances.

Fairness and Equality. #5 is “facilitate fairness.” Sinners show favoritism. I “favor” my 4 kids over other people’s kids. I wish I didn’t. But I do. Likewise, leaders tend to favor those who do not question them. But the church is a kingdom of priests and a brotherhood of believers. Being made in God’s image, we expect justice, fairness and equality among ourselves. A sense of fairness and equality in the church will be greatly enhanced with increased accountability, transparency, dialogue, and humble confession of sin.

Do read the 4 page code of ethics. Do offer comments as to how UBF may improve in our ethical practices and standards.

Reinhold Niebuhr, An Interpretation of Christian Ethics. 1956.

Good, godly, well intentioned, “righteous” Christians (usually leaders) hurt and wound others in Christian community. Why am I writing this? 4 reasons:

1. To remind myself that as an older Christian leader, it is so easy for me to wound others, beginning with my wife and children, not to mention members of my Christian community.
2. To appeal to Christian leaders to take personal responsibility for hurting/wounding their flock, even if they “never intended to.”
3. To empathize with the wounded, and pray that they may extend mercy to those who have wounded them in the name of Christ.
4. To see Christ’s wounds in our own woundedness.

How and why are the righteous “cruel” when they should love others as Christian leaders? My very limited answer is based entirely on my observations as a Christian in UBF over the last 30 years.

Christian leaders believe it is their right and duty to correct/train others. 2 Tim 3:16 says that Scripture is profitable for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. Through Scripture the Holy Spirit teaches, rebukes, corrects and trains Christians. But sometimes Christian leaders think that it is their job to do the work of the Holy Spirit, thereby over-stepping their bounds of authority.

Christian leaders emphasize their good intentions. If and when confronted about their “cruelty,” they might become defensive. Next, they express their good intentions in trying to help and serve others. Though this may be true, such statements never console any person wounded by them.

Christian leaders are relatively “blind” to their own self-righteousness. Every Christian without exception sees more clearly the faults/sins of others, rather than their own (Mt 7:3-4), including Christian leaders.

Christian leaders act/think as though they are “above” their flock. In UBF we love the verses about shepherding/shepherds (Ac 20:28; 1 Pet 5:2; Jn 10:11, 21:15-17). This has led some shepherds to think, feel or act as though they are “above” their sheep with extra clout, power and authority.

Christian leaders do not reveal their own specific weaknesses, while pointing out the specific weaknesses of others. How unfortunate to hear a Christian leader say, “He’s unthankful.” Does this not also apply to him or her before God?

Christian leaders do not clearly confess their own specific sins while expecting and encouraging their members to sincerely repent of their sins. In Life Together, Bonhoeffer spends a whole chapter stressing the importance of sin confession by all.

Christian leaders credit themselves for their sacrifice and hard work, while blaming others for the ministry’s lack of progress. This just crushes people and guilt trips them.

Christian leaders speak/act condescendingly. No one likes to be told rather than asked, commanded rather than persuaded (giving them no choice), spoken down to, screamed at, yelled at, etc. No one ever forgets someone who blew up at them.

Christian leaders fail to adequately condescend/incarnate themselves. This is humanly impossible for everyone, including the Christian leader. But without the condescension of the leader, no authentic Christian community can result. Likewise, without Jesus’ condescension (Phil 2:5-8), we’re all dead.

Christian leaders do not let go of control. As a result, people feel controlled and not led by God.

Christian leaders do not welcome critique, while critiquing others. This causes an unhealthy one way top down communication from leader to member. Such shepherding results in spiritual abuse, which is bullying. Such authoritarian leadership is unhealthy leadership that Jesus warns against (Mk 10:42-44).

Biblical commands do not change people; only the gospel changes people (2 Cor 3:18), for the imperatives are based on the indicatives and the order is not reversible.

Wounded persons find it hard to love. Wounded people mainly wound others. Only Jesus’ wounds heals us (1 Pet 2:24; Isa 53:5; Ps 103:1-3), both “shepherds” and “sheep.”

What about the church? How can we be involved in community health? Wholeness includes physical, mental, social, and spiritual well being, which is “Shalom.” It extends God’s Kingdom and the message of Christ’s salvation for those who do not yet know it. It offers people choices (the choice to believe in God). It integrates words with works, proclamation with social action. In the past, monks formed hospitals. Florence Nightingale was a theologian as well as a nurse. In the UK, deaconesses and church workers were involved in healthcare until the state system took over.

70% of the British population call themselves Christian but only 6% attend church regularly.  Churches no longer get involved with health except for hospital chaplaincies. Nurses working for the health service are not allowed to pray or to talk about faith. How can people access spiritual care when they need it most? Our health service is struggling to cope with all the demands made on it by an aging population.

Parish Nursing Principles

1. The spiritual dimension is central to the practice. It also encompasses the physical, psychological, and social dimensions of nursing practice. This was developed by the Philosophy work group, then refined and endorsed by the first Educational Colloquium, Mundelein, Illinois, June 1994.

2. The parish nurse balances knowledge with skill, the sciences with theology and humanities, service with worship, and nursing care functions with pastoral care functions. The historic roots of the role are intertwined with those of monks, nuns, deacons, deaconesses, church nurses, traditional healers, and the nursing profession itself.

3. The focus of practice is the faith community and its ministry.  The parish nurse, in collaboration with the pastoral staff and congregational members, participates in the ongoing transformation of the faith community into a source of health and healing. Through partnership with other community health resources, parish nursing fosters new and creative responses to health concerns.

4. Parish nursing services are designed to build on and strengthen the capacities of individuals, families, and congregations to understand and care for one another in the light of their relationship to God, faith traditions, themselves, and the broader society. The practice holds that all persons are sacred and must be treated with respect and dignity. In response to this belief, the parish nurse assists and empowers individuals to become more active partners in the management of their personal health resources.

Parish Nursing:

• Whole person health care through the local church
• Led by a registered nurse
• Includes spiritual care
• Offered to people of all faiths and none
• Founded on Biblical principles, with particular reference to  the health and healing ministry of Jesus Christ

My involvement. I heard many testimonies of how people were helped spiritually during their illness. Just the simple visit and prayer with patients helps them heal better and come to a better relationship with God. Helen said in her presentation that we are God’s hands and feet with Christians uniting together in caring for the poor and needy. We have one Parish Nurse in all of Ukraine. She is an American. The organization became official by the government 3 weeks ago. I will be helping her. She will inform me of needs and our church will volunteer our services. We will be helping with hospice care, elderly homes, orphanages and soup houses. The need is so great. Christians everywhere have a great opportunity to help our fellow men just as our Lord Jesus did.

• Chap 1 on Community states that even a noble sincere Christian (perhaps myself?) can destroy authentic Christian fellowship by trying to impose his biblical idealistic “wish dream” on his Christian community.
• Chap 4 on Christian Ministry stresses silence and listening before talking/teaching. (My wife loves to remind me that this is the most important chapter for me!)
• Chap 5 on Confession encourages all Christians to confess their sins to one another without which we will become an elite Pharisees club, a collegium pietatis, an assembly of the pious and super apostles, where real sinners are not allowed to join.

My 4th and final blog on Chap 3 is silence and solitude. (Someday I may reflect on Chap 2–The Day with Others–about how Christians spend each day from morning to night.) Silence is crucial for Christians to hear the Word: “There are 3 purposes for which the Christian needs a definite time when he can be alone during the day: Scripture meditation, prayer, and intercession.” “Silence is nothing else but waiting for God’s Word. (Silence) is something that needs to be practiced and learned, in these days when talkativeness prevails.” “Let none expect from silence anything but a direct encounter with the Word of God.”

If you cannot be alone, beware of community. Why? “You cannot escape from yourself.” “Many people seek fellowship because they are afraid to be alone. Because they cannot stand loneliness, they are driven to seek the company of other people. There are Christians, too, who cannot endure being alone…(hoping to) gain some help in association with others. They (become) disappointed. Then they blame the fellowship for what is really their own fault.”

If you are not in community, beware of being alone. “If you scorn the fellowship of the brethren, you reject the call of Christ, and your solitude can only be hurtful to you.”

Only within the fellowship can we be alone, and only he that is alone can live in the fellowship. “Only in the fellowship do we learn to be rightly alone and only in aloneness do we learn to live rightly in fellowship. Both begin at the same time, namely, with the call of Christ.”

Alone and Community: Each by itself has profound pitfalls and perils. “One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infatuation, and despair.” “Along with … fellowship together there goes the lonely day of the individual. The day together will be unfruitful without the day alone.”

Silence and Speech. “The mark of solitude is silence, as speech is the mark of community. One does not exist without the other. Right speech comes out of silence, and right silence comes out of speech.” “Silence does not mean dumbness, as speech does not mean chatter. Dumbness does not create solitude and chatter does not create fellowship.”

“Silence before the Word leads to right hearing and thus also to right speaking of the Word of God at the right time. Much that is unnecessary remains unsaid. But the essential and the helpful thing can be said in a few words.”

Meditation. “Read God’s Word as God’s Word for us. Do not ask what this text has to say to other people. For the preacher this means that he will not ask how he is going to preach or teach on this text, but what it is saying quite directly to him. Often we are so burdened and overwhelmed with other thoughts, images, and concerns that it may take a long time before God’s Word has swept all else aside and come through. God’s Word…strives to stir us, to work and operate in us, so that we shall not get away from it the whole day long. Then it will do its work in us, often without our being conscious of it. Spiritual dryness and apathy, an aversion, even an inability to meditate…must not keep us from adhering to our meditation period with great patience and fidelity. ‘Seek God, not happiness’–this is the fundamental rule of all meditation. If you seek God alone, you will gain happiness: that is its promise.”

Prayer. “The most promising method of prayer is to allow oneself to be guided by the word of the Scriptures, to pray on the basis of a word of Scripture. Prayer means nothing else but the readiness and willingness to receive and appropriate the Word, to accept it in one’s personal situation, particular tasks, decisions, (clarification of our day), (preservation from) sins, and temptations….for growth in sanctification, for faithfulness and strength in our work.”

Intercession. “A Christian fellowship lives and exists by the intercession of its members for one another, or it collapses. I can no longer condemn or hate a brother for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble he causes me. How does this happen? Intercession means no more than to bring our brother into the presence of God, to see him under the Cross of Jesus as a poor human being and sinner in need of grace. Then everything in him that repels us falls away; we see him in all his destitution and need. Intercession is a daily service we owe to God and our brother. He who denies his neighbor the service of praying for him denies him the service of a Christian. The ministry of intercession requires time of every Christian, but most of all of the pastor who has the responsibility of a whole congregation. We should train ourselves to set apart a regular hour for it. This is not ‘legalism’; it is orderliness and fidelity. For the pastor it is an indispensable duty and his whole ministry will depend on it.”

Time alone with God enhances community together with others.

1. The Ministry of Holding One’s Tongue (Ps 50:19-21; Jas 1:26, 3:2, 4:11-12; Eph 4:29)
2. The Ministry of Meekness (Rom 12:3,16)
3. The Ministry of Listening (Jas 1:19)
4. The Ministry of Helpfulness (Phil 2:4)
5. The Ministry of Bearing (Gal 6:2; Col 3:13; Eph 4:12)
6. The Ministry of Proclaiming (2 Tim 4:2)
7. The Ministry of Authority (Mk 10:43)

Who is Greater? Every Christian community begins with a seed of discord, which is “an argument … among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest” (Lk 9:46). “Hence it is vitally necessary that every Christian community from the very outset face this dangerous enemy…for from the first moment when a man meets another person he is looking for a strategic position he can assume and hold against that person. It is the struggle of the natural man for self-justification. He finds it only in comparing himself with others, in condemning and judging others. Self-justification and judging others go together, as justification by grace and serving others go together.”

Hold Your Tongue. “To speak about a brother covertly is forbidden, even under the cloak of help and good will; for it is precisely in this guise that the spirit of hatred among brothers always creeps in…” (Ps 50:19-21; Jas 4:11-12; Eph 4:29) This should help us “to cease from constantly scrutinizing the other person, judging him, condemning him. Strong and weak, wise and foolish, gifted or ungifted, pious or impious, the diverse individuals in the community, are no longer incentives for talking, judging, condemning, and thus excuses for self-justification. They are rather cause for rejoicing in one another and serving one another. Every Christian community must realize that not only do the weak need the strong, but also that the strong cannot exist without the weak. The elimination of the weak is the death of the fellowship. Not self-justification, which means the use of domination and force, but justification  by grace, and therefore service, should govern the Christian community. Once a man has experienced the mercy of God in his life he will henceforth aspire only to serve.”

Meekness. “He who would learn to serve must first learn to think little of himself.” (Rom 12:3,16) “This is the highest and most profitable lesson, truly to know and to despise ourselves. To have no opinion of ourselves, and to think always well and highly of others, is great wisdom and perfection” (Thomas Kempis). “Because the Christian can no longer fancy that he is wise he will also have no high opinion of his own schemes and plans. He will be ready to consider his neighbor’s will more important and urgent than his own. The desire for one’s own honor hinders faith. One who seeks his own honor is no longer seeking God and his neighbor. (Jn 5:44) What does it matter if I suffer injustice? Would I not have deserved even worse punishment from God? One who lives by justification by grace is willing and ready to accept even insults and injuries without protest. If my sinfulness appears to me to be in any way smaller or less detestable in comparison with the sins of others, I am still not recognizing my sinfulness at all. My sin is of necessity the worst, the most grievous, the most reprehensible. Brotherly love will find any number of extenuations for the sins of others; only for my sin is there no apology whatsoever. ‘Never think that thou hast made any progress till thou look upon thyself as inferior to all’ (Thomas Kempis).”

Listening. “The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them.” Do not “forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either. This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there is nothing left but clerical condescension arrayed in pious words. There is a kind of listening with half an ear that presumes already to know what the other person has to say. It is an impatient, inattentive listening, that despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the Word of God.”

Helpfulness. “The second service that one should perform for another in a Christian community is that of active helpfulness. We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God. God will be constantly crossing our paths and canceling our plans by sending us people with claims and petitions. It is a strange fact that Christians and even ministers frequently consider their work so important and urgent that they will allow nothing to disturb them.They think they are doing God a service, but actually they are disdaining God.”

Bearing (Gal 6:2; Col 3:13; Eph 4:12). “Bearing means forbearing and sustaining. The brother is a burden to the Christian, precisely because he is a Christian. For the pagan the other person never becomes a burden. He simply sidesteps every burden that others may impose upon him. It is only when he is a burden that another person is really a brother and not merely an object to be manipulated.” Jesus did likewise (Isa 53:4-5). “To cherish no contempt for the sinner but rather to prize the privilege of bearing him means not to have to give him up as lost, to be able to accept him, to preserve fellowship with him through forgiveness.”

The key sentence in regards to Ministry: “Where the ministry of listening, active helpfulness, and bearing with others is faithfully performed, the ultimate and highest service can also be rendered, namely, the ministry of the Word of God.”

Proclaiming. “…in which one person bears witness in human words to another person, speaking the whole consolation of God, the admonition, the kindness, and the severity of God. (But if the speaking of the Word) is not accompanied by worthy listening, (active helpfulness, from a spirit of bearing and forbearing rather than impatience and the desire to force its acceptance) how can it really be the right word for the other person?” “We warn one another against the disobedience that is our common destruction. We are gentle and we are severe with one another, for we know both God’s kindness and God’s severity. Why should we be afraid of one another, since both of us have only God to fear?” “The more we learn to allow others to speak the Word to us, to accept humbly and gratefully even severe reproaches and admonitions, the more free and objective will we be in speaking ourselves.” “(The) renunciation of our own ability is precisely the prerequisite and the sanction for the redeeming help that only the Word of God can give to the brother. (Ps 49:7-8; Jas 5:20)”

Authority (Mk 10:43). “Genuine spiritual authority is to be found only where the ministry of hearing, helping, bearing, and proclaiming is carried out. Genuine authority realizes that it can exist only in the service of Him who alone has authority. (Mt 23:8) Pastoral authority can be attained only by the servant of Jesus who seeks no power of his own, who himself is a brother among brothers submitted to the authority of the Word.”

How’s your ministry of being heard/listening? Being helped/helping others? Borne with/bearing with others? Taught/teaching others with spiritual authority?

A Christian’s “wish dream” destroys Christian community

Confess Your Sins to Each Other

The Gospel Expects Sinners to Come Forth. God came to save sinners. No one can hide anything from God. “The mask you wear before men will do you no good before Him. He wants to see you as you are. He wants to be gracious to you. You do not have to go on lying to yourself and your brothers, as if you were without sin; you can dare to be a sinner.” All sham must end in the presence of Christ. The misery of the sinner and the mercy of God must be clearly manifested in community and fellowship with one another.

In Confession Break-Through to Community Takes Place. “Sin demands to have a man by himself. It withdraws him from the community. The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation. Sin wants to remain unknown. In the darkness of the unexpressed it poisons the whole being of a person. This can happen even in the midst of a pious community. Sin must be brought into the light. The unexpressed must be openly spoken and acknowledged. All that is secret and hidden is made manifest. It is a hard struggle until the sin is openly admitted. The expressed acknowledged sin (loses) all its power. It can no longer tear the fellowship asunder. The sin concealed separated him from the fellowship, made all his apparent fellowship a sham; the sin confessed has helped him to find true fellowship with the brethren in Jesus Christ”

In Confession Break-Through to the Cross Occurs. “The root of all sin is pride. The mind and flesh of man are set on fire by pride. Confession in the presence of a brother is the profoundest kind of humiliation. It hurts, it cuts a man down, it is a dreadful blow to pride. To stand there before a brother as a sinner is an ignominy that is almost unbearable. In the confession of concrete sins the old man dies a painful, shameful death before the eyes of a brother. Because the humiliations is so hard we continually scheme to evade confessing to a brother. In the deep mental and physical pain of humiliation before a brother–which means, before God–we experience the Cross of Jesus as our rescue and salvation.”

In Confession Break-Through to New Life Occurs. “Where sin is hated, admitted, and forgiven, there the break with the past is made. Where there is a break with sin, there is conversion. Confession is conversion. Confession is discipleship. Life with Jesus and his community has begun. In confession the Christian begins to forsake his sins. Their dominion is broken. From now on the Christian wins victory after victory.” Prov 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

In Confession a Man Breaks Through to Certainty. Why is it often easier to confess our sins to God than to a brother who is sinful as we are? If we find this so, might we just be deceiving ourselves and confessing our sins to ourselves and absolving ourselves? Might this be why we relapse to our besetting sins so easily and disobey God so easily? “Self-forgiveness can never lead to a breach with sin.” How can we be certain that when we confess our sins our sins are forgiven? “God gives us this certainty through our brother. Our brother breaks the circle of self-deception. A man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person. As long as I am by myself in the confession of my sins everything remains in the dark, but in the presence of a brother the sin has to be brought into the light. It is a mercy that we can confess our sins to a brother. As the open confession of my sins to a brother insures me against self-deception, so, too, the assurance of forgiveness becomes fully certain to me only when it is spoken by a brother in the name of God.”

Confession Should Deal with Concrete Sins. Otherwise, one might still remain in the dark if they simply make a general confession. “Jesus dealt with people whose sins were obvious. They knew why they needed forgiveness, and they received it as forgiveness of their specific sins.” To Luther, the Christian life was unthinkable without mutual, brotherly confession.

Confess To Whom? Only the brother under the cross. “The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest Christian who lives beneath the Cross of Jesus.” Why? Because “the greatest psychological insight, ability, and experience cannot grasp this one thing: what sin is. Worldly wisdom knows what distress and weakness and failure are, but it does not know the godlessness of men. It does not know that man is destroyed only by his sin and can be healed only by forgiveness. Only the Christian knows this. In the presence of a psychiatrist I can only be a sick man; in the presence of a Christian brother I can dare to be a sinner.”

The Danger of the One Who Hears Confession. “This will give rise to the disastrous misuse of the confessional for the exercise of spiritual domination of souls.” What can he do? To not succumb to this sinister danger “every person should refrain from listening to confession who does not himself practice it. Only the person who has so humbled himself can hear a brother’s confession without harm.”

The Danger of the Confessant. He must “guard against ever making a pious work of his confession. If he does so, it will become the final, most abominable, vicious, and impure prostitution of the heart; the act becomes an idle, lustful babbling. Confession as a pious work is an invention of the devil. It is only God’s offer of grace, help, and forgiveness that could make us dare to enter the abyss of confession. We can confess solely for the sake of the promise of absolution. Confession as a routine duty is spiritual death; confession in reliance upon the promise is life.”

Confession of sins could become a Christian show of piety. Has confession of sin become routine, habitual, expected, guilt-driven? Has “too pious” of a fellowship not encouraged true confession of sin? Does your Christian community confess concrete sins to each other, resulting in an authentic community?

“Christianity means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ. No Christian community is more or less than this. Whether it be a brief, single encounter or the daily fellowship of years…” (21). “Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate” (30). “…the human element always insinuates itself and robs the fellowship of its spiritual power and effectiveness for the Church” (37).

What is a Christian? “The Christian seeks his salvation, deliverance, justification in Christ alone. He knows that God’s Word in Christ pronounces him guilty, even when he does not feel his guilt, and God’s Word in Christ pronounces him not guilty and righteous, even when he does not feel that he is righteous at all. If somebody asks him, Where is your salvation, your righteousness? he can never point to himself. He points to the Word of God in Christ, which assures him salvation and righteousness. In himself he is destitute and dead. Help must come … daily and anew in the Word of Christ, bringing redemption, righteousness, innocence, and blessedness” (22). This is what a Christian is–what it means to be in Christ.

Christians need community. “When one person is struck by the Word, he speaks it to others. God has willed that we should seek and find His living Word in the witness of a brother, in the mouth of man. Therefore, the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother’s is sure” (23). True Christian community happens in Christ.

Strive, discord and ego. “Among men there is strife. Without Christ there is discord between God and man and between man and man. Without Christ we would not know our brother, nor could we come to him. The way is blocked by our own ego. Only in Jesus Christ are we one (Eph 2:14), only through him are we bound together.”

We can truly give only when we have truly received. When Jesus took on flesh in the incarnation, he truly took on, out of pure grace, our nature. This is how God relates to us, how He won our hearts by His love. “When God was merciful to us, we learned to be merciful with our brethren. When we received forgiveness instead of judgment, we, too, were made ready to forgive our brethren. What God did to us, we then owed to others. The more we received, the more we were able to give; and the more meager our brotherly love, the less were we living by God’s mercy and love (Rom 15:7; 1 Th 4:9-10). Our community with one another consists solely in what Christ has done to both of us” (25).

However, 2 things threaten true Christian community: Christian brotherhood is not an ideal, but a divine reality; Christian brotherhood is a spiritual and not a human reality.

Not an Ideal, but a Divine Reality

What Bonhoeffer writes here perfectly describes all failed Christian community exactly and precisely. It’s hard to improve on what he wrote.

Idealism does not work. Because of our own ideals and ideas about Christian life together, great disillusionment soon sets in “with others, with Christians in general, and if we are fortunate, with ourselves. Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight… The sooner this shock or disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both. Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hindrance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive. He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial. God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren… He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together. When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren…and finally the despairing accuser of himself” (27).

Disillusionment is good. “Even when sin and misunderstanding burden the communal life, is not the sinning brother still a brother, with whom I, too, stand under the Word of Christ? Will not his sin be a constant occasion for me to give thanks that both of us may live in the forgiving love of God in Christ? The very hour of disillusionment with my brother becomes incomparably salutary, because it so thoroughly teaches me that neither of us can ever live by our own words and deeds, but only that one Word and Deed which really binds us together. When the morning mists of dreams vanish, then dawns the bright day of Christian fellowship” (29).

To pastors: Don’t accuse your people. “This applies in a special way to the complaints often heard from pastors and zealous members about their congregations. A pastor should not complain about his congregation, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men. …he had better examine himself first to see whether the trouble is not due to his wish dream that should be shattered by God; and if this be the case, let him thank God for leading him into this predicament” (29,30).

A Spiritual not a Human Reality

Even devout men cannot cultivate a spiritual community. “The community of the Spirit is the fellowship of those who are called by Christ; human community is the fellowship of devout souls. In the community of the Spirit the Word of God alone rules; in human community there rules, along with the Word, the man who is furnished with exceptional powers, experience, and magical, suggestive capacities. There God’s Word alone is binding; here, besides the Word, men bind others to themselves. There all power, honor, and dominion are surrendered to the Holy Spirit; here spheres of power and influence of a personal nature are sought and cultivated. …devout men…do this with the intention of serving the highest and the best, but in actuality the result is to dethrone the Holy Spirit, to relegate Him to remote unreality. In actuality, it is only the human that is operative here” (32).

Where a superior power rules, spirituality fails. “Here is where the humanly strong person is in his element, securing for himself the admiration, the love, or the fear of the weak. Here human ties, suggestions, and bonds are everything. …human absorption appears wherever the superior power of one person is consciously or unconsciously misused to influence profoundly and draw into his spell another individual or a whole community. Here one soul operates directly upon another soul. The weak have been overcome by the strong, the resistance of the weak has broken down under the influence of another person. He has been overpowered, but not won over…his conversion was effected, not by the Holy Spirit, but by a man, and therefore has no stability” (33).

The idolatry of human love. “Human love…makes the truth relative, since nothing, not even the truth, must come between it and the beloved person. Human love desires…it continues to desire even when it seems to be serving. Human love cannot tolerate the dissolution of a fellowship that has become false…and human love cannot love an enemy. Human love is by its very nature desire–desire for human community. Where it can no longer expect its desire to be fulfilled…it turns into hatred, contempt, and calumny. Human love creates of itself an end, an idol which it worships, to which it must subject everything. It nurses and cultivates an ideal. Spiritual love, however, comes from Jesus, it serves him alone; it knows that it has no immediate access to other persons” (35).

Spiritual love releases to Christ. “Spiritual love will not seek to move others by all too personal, direct influence, by impure interference in the life of another. It will not take pleasure in pious, human fervor and excitement. It will meet the other person with the clear Word of God and be ready to leave him alone with this Word for a long time, willing to release him again in order that Christ may deal with him. It will respect the line that has been drawn between him and us…it will find full fellowship with him in the Christ who alone binds us together. Spiritual love will speak to Christ about a brother more than to a brother about Christ. It knows that the most direct way to others is always through prayer to Christ (3 John 4)” (36,37).

The greatest danger to Christian community. “Life together under the Word will remain sound and healthy only where it does not form itself into a movement, an order, a society, a collegium pietatis, but rather where it understands itself as being a part of the one, holy, catholic, Christian Church, where it shares actively and passively in the sufferings and struggles and promise of the whole Church. Every principle of selection and every separation connected with it…is of the greatest danger to a Christian community. …the human element always insinuates itself and robs the fellowship of its spiritual power and effectiveness for the Church, drives it into sectarianism” (37)

I wanted to write an exhaustive reflection, but Bonhoeffer’s words seem “far too perfect” to add to or to subtract from.

Bad leaders caricature others. In my experience, among the worst things that I have heard repeatedly is when an older leader labels someone else in the church whom he thinks is out of line. Maybe you have heard this too. The leader says about someone else: “He’s proud.” “He’s immature.” “He’s childish.” “He’s selfish.” “He’s untrained.” “He’s lazy.” “He’s worldly.” Now you can add “He’s a Judas.” Whenever I hear these statements, my thought is, “Do you look at the mirror and ever wonder if any of this applies to you as well?” I would call out anyone who calls himself a Christian leader and who dares to say this about someone else. I am pro-church discipline. But this categorization and caricature of others is without question an unhealthy, un-Christian form of leadership. It reeks of a lack of all the major Christian attributes of love, mercy, grace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, self-control (1 Cor 13:4-7; Gal 5:22-23).

No one is a leader simply because they are better than others. As long as we are in the church, we will experience good and bad forms of leadership practiced by our leaders or by ourselves. See my articles on Spiritual Abuse and Spiritual Bullying. When I started writing those 2 blogs, I wanted to address spiritual abuse in UBF, but instead found myself under my own indictment! Dave Kraft, in his book, Leaders Who Last, wrote, “As a (Christian) leader, everything I am and everything I do needs to be anchored in my identity with Christ. Leadership begins and ends with a clear understanding of the gospel and being rooted in the grace of Jesus Christ as a free gift.”

All things to a Christian, is a free gift of grace, including leadership. Christian leadership never gives the leader any advantage or superiority over his members. Christian leadership must communicate Jesus, who is full of grace and truth. Jesus did not use his leadership for political maneuvering, controlling his disciples, coercing them, or forcing them to do what they should (Mk 10:42-44). Jesus loved them and died for them. Jesus was full of grace toward them, never treating them (and us!) as their (our) sins deserve (Ps 103:10). The disciples did not understand Jesus when he was alive. But when he died, they would follow him unto death, even though no one told them to.

What is your experience of Christian leadership?

The Gospel

Corporate Sin (Keller’s lecture is from the 26 minute of Video 1). Tim Keller spoke about sin as not just an individual matter, but a corporate matter by citing 3 OT texts. First, family sin. When Achan sinned in Josh 7:1-26, the whole family was punished and killed even though just one man Achan sinned (Josh 7:25). Second, national/cultural sin. Though Daniel himself did not rebel against God, yet he took personal responsibility and confessed sin on behalf of his ancestors who rebelled against God (Dan 9:4-19). Third, corporate sin of the entire human race. In Rom 5:12-21, one man Adam’s sin is applied to the entire human race, and one man Christ’s righteousness can be applied to the entire fallen race. Keller’s says that racism is a systemic problem that continues to marginalize minorities, the weak, and those who are not in power.

Racial Profiling (Bradley’s lecture is from the 52 minute of Video 1). Anthony Bradley, who is from Clemson, Alabama (a top football school), shared how he is always asked by white evangelicals if he is a football player. (He is rather diminutive in stature.) When he goes to a department store in NY dressed with a bow tie, he is often asked where the sale items are. There was a very uncomfortable laughter and silence when he said this. He challenged white evangelical leaders to listen to “Black theologians” and those from the Black Church tradition in order to work out the implications of racism in the church.

Racism in UBF? We may not like addressing sensitive issues such as racism. We do not want to “offend anyone” or “discourage anyone.” But addressing difficult or delicate issues and questions promote understanding and intimacy.

Horrible and Inexcusable. To my shame, I confess that I have said horrible and inexcusable racially offensive things. Semi-jokingly (but it is not funny), I would label some “easy to bring” foreigners to church on Sunday as “paddies,” which is my shorthand for “pad the number” of church attendants. I refer to my fellow countrymen as “chinks” with a sadistic grin. I would encourage others to invite white students to Bible study rather than students of other races. I wish to never ever think, say or do such things again. What I did was truly against the gospel and against the universal love of God for all peoples of all nations from every tribe and language (Rev 5:9).

Are Leaders Expected to be “Yes men”? Our missionaries are the oldest members of most major UBF chapters throughout the world. They hold the most senior position(s) of leadership, and deservedly so because of their initiative, seniority and sacrifice for the sake of world mission. But after 50 years of UBF ministry, senior leadership should be truly shared if not passed on to indigenous leaders (Acts 14:23). The new leaders should not just be “figureheads,” or “unquestioning yes men,” or “rubber stampers,” or “blind defenders of the status quo.” They should be fellow equals among leaders with their own voice. Though long overdue, encouragingly, this is being gradually attempted and pursued. Can we expect that someday, older missionaries may submit themselves to younger native indigenous leaders as they would to a missionary leader? Is this too difficult for those who are nationalistic and culturally uncontextualized? Only the gospel can bring this about through spiritual education.

Mission Reports Glorifying Missionary Achievements. Our mission reports at national and international conferences, in typed reports and messages, predominantly glorify the achievements of missionaries. If fruitful work is done by indigenous leaders, the missionary who shepherded him/her is credited and glorified. Our missionaries may not sense how distasteful this is, because this is their norm as the original predominant leaders. Don’t such mission reports steal God’s glory by highlighting the glory of Korea through the missionary? Is this not racially offensive to natives who are being “used” to glorify the missionary?

Keep Spiritual Order and Just Obey. The way these statements are used in UBF promote a legalistic social order in society taught by Confucius. Such implicit expectations gives a free pass to the older leader. Also, is this not racially offensive when the older or most senior leader is the missionary and the younger is the native leader? More than being a racial issue, the only spiritual order and obedience that ultimately counts is to God, not to the human leader.

Native Leaders should not Critique Missionaries. Our UBF missionaries are truly sacrificial and very hospitable people. But they expect unquestioning obedience and loyalty from their juniors. So, any question or critique is perceived as disrespect. This has created countless problems where 2 UBF missionaries cannot get along in multiple countries. Then the younger one has to start their own chapter or leave UBF. When the senior and junior is between a missionary and a native, racial issues come into play. It has been hard for our UBF missionaries to accept that their mistakes and sins are not just their responsibility, but also the responsibility of native UBF people. If they do not like being critiqued, is it partly because they feel racially superior to natives? But if natives do not address the sins of missionaries, are they not sinning against God? And truly loving their neighbor as themselves?

Group Pictures Center on the Missionary Leaders. Understandably, our oldest leaders at every conference are missionaries and national leaders from Korea. Many major group pictures stress the pecking order of the oldest leaders by them sitting in the most prominent center seats. This is expected in a nationalistic culture. But is this not racially offensive to natives who are always placed to the side and back with a few token national leaders sitting?

Is there racism in UBF? Is it the result of a strong “honor culture”? Is it serious? Is this too uncomfortable/offensive a topic to discuss? Are there other racially charged issues?

Whenever I read Genesis 18, I am shocked. How could God be a friend with Abraham? Abraham left God hanging for 13 years after Ishmael was born. Abraham used God time and time again. God is God and yet he shares his plans with Abraham. God listens to Abraham and in the end accepts his prayer to save Sodom for the sake of 10 people. (Ultimately, God does destroy Sodom, but he still listens to Abraham.)

If Genesis 18 had been a conversation between a senior missionary (SM) and a younger or junior missionary (JM),  it would go something along the lines of this (hypothetically):

JM: Please spare the city for the sake of 50 people.

SM: You are a young missionary. You don’t know what you are talking about.

JM: Please. I’ve been here for several years. I just have a suggestion.

SM: No, you will always be a young missionary. Humble yourself. If you are not happy with the situation then go and start your own chapter, and prove yourself. We will not compromise (as Dr. Ben said, “Shape Up or Ship Out”).

End of discussion….

I hope no one gets offended, but this is just a pattern that I’ve noticed. But, I don’t think this behavior reflects God’s heart.

I agree with MJ. Do you? Are there cultural nuances or blind spots that I am missing? (I am sorry if the picture does not well depict the parody!)

Spiritual abuse or “bullying” by churches/church leaders is a very sensitive, delicate and difficult issue to address, because the abusers are usually sincere older Christians who are leaders and who have been in their church the longest and who mean well. Abusive leaders truly believe that what they say, do and decide is for the good of the church, and even for the good of the people they are “abusing” in the name of “shepherding.” There is always an extremely fine line between shepherding and manipulation–which is spiritual abuse.

Over a decade ago, I was concerned and distressed that a married shepherdess and young mother in my fellowship was planning to leave UBF for another church. So, I told her husband who did not want to leave to threaten to divorce her if she left UBF, just as a threat, and not because he would ever divorce her. At the time I felt fully justified in what I did. I wanted her to stay in UBF (and remain in my fellowship, of course!). I would use whatever means to achieve this, even the totally inexcusable and horrifying threat of divorce. I justified this because my conviction then was that the ends always justifies the means. The “ends” was that leaving UBF was totally unacceptable. The “means” was the threat of divorce. But the couple soon left UBF. It took me over 10 years to finally call them up in order to meet with them and to apologize to them for what I did.

I am not at all saying that what I did is what other UBF leaders are doing. In fact, I was quite sure that I was more extreme than others … and very proud of it! I am like Homer Simpson who said, “I am a chronic underachiever and proud of it.” In my case, I was a chronic extreme spiritual abuser. Basically, my implicit language was “Either you submit to my authority and directives, or you’re no good.” But it was never explicit so that I could very easily deny it.

Spiritual bullying involves spinning the truth, avoiding transparency, guilt manipulation and promoting neediness. I spun the truth by threatening divorce but never intending for divorce to happen. I was not transparent or honest by not telling others exactly what I said or did, or I told only a few confidants. I used guilt manipulation to make them feel that the absolute worst thing they could ever do was to leave UBF, which to me was equivalent to leaving or betraying Christ. I promoted neediness in them by trying to make them feel that if they left UBF they would be helpless and useless, and that they absolutely needed UBF for their welfare and blessing.

Duke Tabor says in Spiritual Abuse: Shepherds Ruling Like Royalty: “(Abusive churches and leaders) are very concerned with outward appearances. (I needed them to stay to make UBF and my fellowship look good.) Both the spiritually abusive and those that have suffered from spiritual abuse are concerned with outward appearances. (I wanted to look good as a fruitful fellowship leader.) They will often spin the truth, or even deny facts related to the flaws or mistakes that they or their leaders have made. (I threatened divorce without intending divorce.) Spiritually abusive organizations do not promote transparency and honesty. (I justified this by convincing myself that this was for their good.) To do otherwise would undermine their authority and position as the ‘chosen of God.’ Spiritually abusive leaders may suck you in with a message of grace, but you will find out that only the ones that perform get the rewards and as such they inflict upon their followers a impossibly high set of standards for thought and behavior. This reinforced the followers need for their leadership and their need to submit to that leadership. (I made them unhealthily dependent on me and UBF for their Christian life and blessing.) Spiritual abuse at it’s heart is legalism and why Jesus said to beware of the leaven (teachings) of the Pharisees.”

People who are abused in churches have been likened to those who suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Only Jesus and mature, humble, vulnerable, gospel loving people can promote healing and reconciliation.

It feels like there is an imposter claiming to be the bride of Christ. She wears a similar veil so that it is often difficult to tell the difference until you come close and begin to lift it and rather than finding safety, compassion, and embrace you find protocol, judgment and exclusivity. I feel like our decision to move on is a desire to experience the true bride where vulnerable intimacy, unconditional embrace, and true rest exist and where protocol is not in charge except for the protocol to love. What is additionally discouraging is knowing that I have been seduced by this imposter and tried to entice others into her arms, explaining away her institutional nastiness while redirecting attention to her surface-level ‘pretty gown’.

This is a quote by a young pastor who decided to leave the institutional church. He didn’t give up his vocation as a pastor. In fact, he maintains that he can do more with Jesus outside the church than within it. He began to reengage in his community and found ample opportunity to serve Christ there.

Many today are leaving their churches not because of a lack of faith but because of disillusionment. Some find another church; others don’t. Leaving one’s church is a difficult decision that should not be made lightly. However, I do believe that there are healthy aspects to disillusionment. Disillusionment with church may lead some astray, but in many cases it leads to new and deeper expressions of faith.

In the highly acclaimed book Life Together, Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945) characterizes disillusionment as a healthy and necessary step in the formation of Christian community. In fact, a church that refuses to become disillusioned with itself is in danger of collapse. In Chapter 1 he issues a dire warning:

Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both. A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. Sooner or later it will collapse.

Bonhoeffer draws a stark contrast between two types of Christian community: the “spiritual” community, which leads to love and freedom in the fruits of the Spirit, versus the “human” community, which leads to “subjection, dependence, and constraint.” He argues that a community must acknowledge the errors that arise from its human desire. “The life or death of a community is determined by whether it achieves sober wisdom on this point as soon as possible.”

Here’s a brief summary of what Bonheoffer says about the spiritual community.

• The spiritual community puts nothing before the Word and Supremacy of Christ. Christ is the real center of the community and the community strives to acknowledge Him in everything.
• In the spiritual community, there is no room for idealism. The community is realistic, not idealistic.
• The spiritual community loves for Christ’s sake only. All power and dominion are surrendered to Him. Within the community, one person will not seek direct influence over another person, but rather, serve the other while respecting his freedom in the love of Christ. The love within such a community is spiritual love, which releases the other “from every attempt to regulate, coerce, and dominate.”
• The spiritual community has no overall method, no grand strategy, but merely serves people with simplicity and humility.
• The spiritual community is ruled by the Holy Spirit, and relationships among the members are mediated by Jesus Christ. Instead of speaking to a person about God, they are more likely to speak to God about that person. And instead of speaking about one another covertly, they again bring their concerns about one another to God.
• The spiritual community doesn’t try to be other-worldy. The “physical, family, and ordinary associations of life” are fully integrated into daily activities. They ground the community in what is real, in “the sound, sober brotherly fellowship of everyday life.”

And this is how Bonhoeffer describes the human community.
• The human community is driven by noble and devout impulses and human fervor. It often puts human authority and loyalty to people before Christ.
• In the human community, the Holy Spirit is relegated to a position of “remote unreality.”
• Human community will seek to make people conform to its well-intentioned principles. Thus the community is highly idealistic. It may regard itself as “purely spiritual” but ends up following its own idealistic delusions.
• Members of the human community may exhibit high levels of devotion. They are capable of “prodigious sacrifices that often far surpass genuine Christian love in fervent devotion and visible results.”
• The love shown in a human community seeks to directly influence persons to fashion them into an ideal. “Human love constructs its own image of the other person, of what he is and what he should become.”
• The human community is methodical. It continually employs a searching, “calculating analysis” of its members.
• The human community won’t tolerate resistance when the community is threatened. The one who “seriously and stubbornly resists” the community’s agenda will be treated as an enemy, with “hatred, contempt, and calumny,” even if that person speaks the truth.

When I first read Life Together as a young Christian, I missed much of its meaning because I had the categories of spiritual and human all mixed up. In my mind, “human” was anything related to the life I had lived before my conversion: my old attachments, my former habits, and my natural likes and dislikes. And my notion of “spiritual” was too strongly identified with my church. Anything outside the realm of church activity was worldly and unspiritual. Doubts and concerns about the practices of my church were unspiritual, especially when expressed with strong emotion. I thought that the spiritual life consisted of absolute submission to the teachings of Scripture and the life of discipleship as they were presented to me by my teachers.

For years I struggled to put those teachings into practice. I never missed church meetings. I tried to put my mission of disciple-making first, even before taking care of my children. And I interpreted my eager desire to bring others into this life of obedience as my spiritual love for them. I worked hard to introduce people to Jesus through Bible study. I intentionally tried to increase their commitment to my community through participation in meetings and church activities. When they responded to my efforts, I was overjoyed. When they didn’t respond, I was troubled, crushed, even angry. I thought I needed to challenge them. When they failed to respond to my challenges, our relationships broke. At those painful moments, I convinced myself to just climb back into the saddle and ride on. Pressing forward with this same idealistic strategy is what I thought it meant to live by faith. Despite the setbacks, I always assumed that someday God would reward me for my faithfulness and obedience.

That notion of what was spiritual came from many sources. It came from my own need for safety, the desire for certainty and boundaries. It came from my own “visionary dreaming” (which Bonhoeffer says God hates!), from the Western missionary and Protestant theology and practice of the last two centuries, and from the cultural understanding of Korean Christians who taught me the gospel. And the hand of God was in it as well. God used these things to help my faith grow. But my ill-conceived notions of human versus spiritual needed to be challenged.

Fortunately, I had two very good friends with exceptional radar for falsehood. For years, I was gently warned by them. Sometimes in their anger I was harshly rebuked. Often — almost always, actually — they resisted me during Bible studies and other conversations. I reacted badly, accusing them of being unspiritual, unkind, unthankful and overly critical. I thought they lacked mission. I prayed that God would change them. Our relationship strained and nearly broke. But it was just this difficult relationship, and others like it, which revealed that my understanding of the spiritual life was skewed. My love for them was quite unspiritual. I reacted toward them just as Bonhoeffer predicted when he claimed that the telltale mark of human community is how it reacts to opposition. When the other cannot be controlled, or will not submit to our idealism, we react badly.

During those difficult years, I couldn’t learn much from anyone who didn’t get my view of the spiritual life. But finally I surrendered and began to listen to what my friends were saying. I began hear the ring of truth in their opposition. I allowed my own idealistic version of Christianity to be shattered and broken. For this I can only thank God. When this happened, my relationship with these friends and others was renewed and set on a dramatically different path, a path of mutual encouragement, vulnerability and healing under the supremacy of Christ.

In my case, disillusionment was just what I needed. It exposed my shaky foundations and led to deeper experience of Christian fellowship. My relationships with my friends could have been broken, but they weren’t. God led me to share in their disillusionment, to learn and grow from it.

This doesn’t always happen. It is sad when fellowship is broken because disillusioned and truth-telling brothers and sisters are pushed aside and feel that they must move on. But disillusionment isn’t a bad thing. In fact, Bonhoeffer claims that it is the point where real spiritual love begins to grow. It is where the community “begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it.” Now I only wish that I hadn’t resisted it for so long.

Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord (Acts 15:36-40).

I don’t know about you, but whenever I read this passage in the book of Acts, my heart always aches a bit. My heart hurts because genuine Christian friendships have always meant a great deal to me. And this story in Acts seems to be the one instance in the Bible in which there appears to be a tragic rift in a holy friendship: the broken fellowship between Paul and Barnabas. Even more, it seems all the more tragic since it involves two of the greatest pillars of the early Church. Perhaps one might even say that the Paul/Barnabas split is the first recorded “Great Church Split” in the history of the Christian Church—even before the Roman Catholic/Eastern Orthodox split, or the Roman Catholic/Protestant Reformation split.

Now perhaps from a missional point of view, such a parting ought not to be considered too tragic. After all, before the split the Holy Spirit had only one missionary team to carry out gospel evangelization (Paul-Barnabas). After this split, the Holy Spirit now found itself with two missionary teams to work with (Paul-Silas and Barnabas-Mark). That’s doubling the mission outreach for the Gospel, right?

In either case, my heart still pangs a bit just trying to imagine the broken friendship between Paul and Barnabas. Perhaps they got back together after all and went back to the good old days as friends. You know, like traveling together to hostile cities of the Roman empire and preaching the Gospel together side by side in solidarity before angry, rioting crowds who were constantly opposing their Gospel message. Ahhhh. The good ole’ days as Gospel buddies.

But who knows what really happened with their friendship? To my knowledge, the Scriptures are silent on whether Paul and Barnabas ended up reconciling and patching things up after this incident. I’d like to think that the great saints of the early Church set the example for the rest of us by ultimately healing their friendship in the end. After all, what a close friendship they had! For example, if we read through the Book of Acts, we find that it was Barnabas who chose to befriend Paul right after his dramatic conversion. In a way, Barnabas even became his shepherd and mentor during their early days in Antioch (Act 15:25-26). Barnabas even stood by his side and testified about his friend Paul’s true conversion, even when all other disciples wanted nothing to do with Paul, since he had been one of the fiercest persecutors of the Christian Church (Acts 9:26-27). I guess that’s why the early Christians called Barnabas “son of “encouragement” (Acts 4:36). As a friend, he truly encouraged Paul.

The interesting thing is that when Paul started to overshadow his great friend and mentor, we don’t see any evidence that Barnabas was the very least jealous or resentful of his former “sheep” who was now starting to outshine him. Soon Paul was becoming a powerful preacher and defender of the Gospel, out-arguing his critics in the synagogues. Paul was becoming a great apostle to the Gentiles, bringing in more and more people from all nations into the faith. Paul was starting to take on more visible leadership roles such that even Jerusalem Council recognized that God was truly at great work in Paul’s ministry. One scholar points out that at first, the author Luke refers to the team as “Barnabas and Paul,” with Barnabas in the lead. Later in the narrative, Luke switches the order so that it becomes “Paul and Barnabas,” probably because Paul was taking on more and more of the leading role. To me, this demonstrates the genuineness of the friendship that Paul and Barnabas had; neither of them seemed to mind who was seen as greater. Together they served the Gospel mission side by side as Christian friends.

Until, of course, they finally faced their first serious dispute over the matter of Mark — a disagreement serious enough to disrupt their friendship and lead them to part ways in Acts chapter 15.

I believe there are Barnabas-Paul type friendships in our own church community that may be experiencing tragic separations. Hearing about them from time to time saddens me. Some of these friendships may never be restored on this side of the eternity. Others might experience a taste of the Gospel through a healing the breach and beautiful reconciliation. Nevertheless, I retain the hope that, either way, the Holy Spirit is working even in the midst of these broken friendships in ways that will bring something beautiful out of what has been damaged. (doubling the Gospel outreach efforts of the Church, for instance?) And in a way, it is sort of encouraging to know that even the holy saints like Paul and Barnabas went through phases in their friendships that were, frankly, not so pretty.

So as I begin a series of reflections on Christian friendship, I want to start out by acknowledging all the various Christian friends I’ve had the privilege of developing over the years, many of whom reside within my own particular church community, but many of whom also reside outside my church community. Some even come from different Christian traditions altogether, and theologically we often do not see eye-to-eye. Nevertheless, each of these friends at critical moments have helped me at various stages of my Christian journey. My life has been deeply enriched through hese friendships. I am who I am because of them. I dare say that I’ve come to know Christ better, understand the Gospel better, and love God better, all because of these diverse Christian friendships. If we ever see some sort of true unity in the Church, I’m sure it will be because of these sorts of blossoming Christian friendships all throughout the Body of Christ.

I would love to hear stories of how your friendship with a Christian who is “different” from you — perhaps someone outside your immediate church community, denomination or theological tradition — has powerfully encouraged you in your walk in Christ. We all need Barnabases, people of encouragement who come along aside us at key moments in our spiritual development. I hope to hear your story too.

My next post: Thoughts on Christian Friendship, Part 2: “What? You don’t do one-to-one Bible study?”

(Please note: based on my UBFriends writing track-record, Part 2 may be finished in about a year or so.)

What is sanctification? You can read in depth how Louis Berkhof (1873 – 1957), a renowned 20th century theologian, explains Sanctification. Briefly, Berkhof stresses the fact that God, and not man, is the author of sanctification and that the spiritual development of man is not a human achievement, but a work of divine grace. Thus, and I like his sentence: “Man deserves no credit whatsoever for that which he contributes to it instrumentally.” Berkhof states that this is so important because studying the Bible anthropologically (man-centeredly) and activism are such characteristic features of American Christianity that they glorify the work of man rather than the grace of God.

Probably, this is true not just of American Christianity but of Christianity through out the world, because the default mode of every man’s sin is incurvatus in se, which means to be “curved inward on oneself.” So it it “normal” to study the Bible self-centeredly, rather than God-centeredly or Christ-centeredly. It is also “natural” to think and feel and function as though my sanctification is up to me, even if I say that it is up to Christ.

How does the Apostle Paul view sanctification? For sure, Paul acknowledges that his sanctification is all because of Jesus and not him (Php 2:12-13; 1 Cor 15:10). Paul also views his sanctification as “I am not there yet.” Where does he say this? Paul said, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal…” (Php 3:12a). Again, he said, “I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it” (Php 3:13a). Paul’s single goal and desire is to be like Christ. But Paul basically said, “I’m not there yet.”

When Paul said this, he was likely addressing a false teaching called “perfectionism,” which suggests that a Christian can become perfect (or close to it) in this lifetime. Perfectionism is not an uncommon sentiment among Christians today. There is an account of an older minister who preached in church that he had achieved a state of perfection as a Christian. A man asked him after the sermon, “Does your wife agree that you have achieved this state of perfection.” He answered, “She does not believe in that doctrine yet!”

Such a teaching began with John Wesley who explained from studying Php 2:12 and Php 2:15 that Christians should strive for perfection (true) and concluded that some Christians could reach some degree of perfection in this life (not true). Wesley’s motivation for saying this was good: He wanted to combat the dead formalism of the church in his day. He wanted to see real, vibrant holiness among Christians. But to say that perfection is possible or attainable for a Christian in this lifetime is not supported by the Bible.

I have also sensed an implicit idea that Christians may regard themselves as more holy, more godly, more spiritual, and more mature the older they get. It is likely true that Christians, quantitatively speaking, “sin less” as they get older. But are older Christian really less sinful? I painfully acknowledge that a major reason that I seemingly “sin less” today is because I had a lot more strength to sin more when I was younger!

Such an idea that older Christians are holier, more godly, and more spiritually mature was not what Paul communicated. Such an idea promotes subtle (or blatent) elitism and a self-righteousness, which is not healthy for any church or Christian community. Paul was not an elitist. He never viewed himself as above the rest, or above his flock. He testified freely that he is the worst of sinners not as a young Christian, but as a mature, seasoned, Christian (1 Tim 1:15). He regarded all his fellow Christians as co-servants (Php 1:1), partners (Php 1:5) and brothers (Col 1:1), and not as his subordinates or “foot soldiers.” How could Paul be so genuinely humble? He knows from his heart and core being that he is not there yet, that he is nowhere hear perfection or Christ-likeness. Though Paul pursued perfection in Christ with all his heart, he did not teach perfectionism.

Do you agree? Do churches implicitly teach or promote perfectionism? Do older Christians communicate elitism? Is sanctification as being “not there yet” a good and helpful and healthy attitude to have (especially as we age)?

As you consider these questions, let me comment on some snippets as reminders and for reflection from About This Site:

* Unity by Embracing Differences: “Our purpose is to foster open interpersonal communication on spiritual matters that leads to Christian community: Christ + Communication = Unity. Unity is not … uniformity. Christians do not all think alike. …there is a diversity of opinion on many issues within the (church). As the gospel welcomes people of every tribe, tongue and nation, it also challenges us to stretch ourselves beyond what is comfortable. The degree to which we imitate Christ is not measured by how much we love those who are similar to us, but by how much we embrace those who are different.” (Italics mine.)

If you’re a Bears fan like myself, you’d naturally love fellow Bears fans, even if they annoy you. That’s expected. But if you love the Packers and their fans, that’s exceptional! That’s a Christian who loves and embraces those different from them. Our hope is to promote unity (which cannot be forced), and not cause division (which is Satan’s constant ploy).

* Discussing Difficulties and Disagreements: “Our purpose is to (have a) forum to learn, to think, and to express themselves in a healthy, friendly manner. We hope this website will…help us to see multiple sides of difficult issues and truly learn from one another, even when we do not agree.”

Disagreeing agreeably is a sign of Christian maturity and humility. It is not easy to embrace anyone you disagree with, even if it is your loving spouse. (I should know!) But when we disagree and express our differences, we can ask God’s help to humble ourselves and be gracious when we remember our gracious Lord, who does not treat us as our sins deserve (Ps 103:10). Christian humility is being agreeable when we disagree; it is being embracing when we are embittered.

* Trust and Respect: “We regard you, our readers, as grownups who can discuss matters with kindness and civility, weigh different viewpoints and make up your own minds. Because we trust Jesus, we also trust you.” Also from Submit An Article: “We recognize that sincere believers maintain a variety of opinions on many issues, and as we learn to express ourselves and listen to others with love and respect, we may all grow and mature.”

Trust and respect is the lasting glue to any friendship or relationship. If we do not trust or respect others, even our own children or long standing close friends, we weaken or break that relationship. For the most part, UBFriends has been a website where no one is afraid to say what they wish, as we attempt to welcome all who share. The church (or Christian website) should always be a safe place for anyone to come and find comfort and solace in their quest for truth. Jesus said that he did not come for the healthy who have “no problems,” but for the sick who desperately need him and his healing (Mk 2:17).

* No Cheap Shots: Finally, these guidelines have generally been followed: “All writing should be good natured. Criticism, if warranted, should be offered in a spirit of kindness and love. Condescending, demeaning, mocking or offensive statements are unacceptable.” “Personal attacks or revealing sensitive information about individuals is not acceptable.” Thank you and thank God.

Do freely share your thoughts and suggestions. Merry Christmas 2011 and a Happy New Year 2012.

As Brian said, this was breaking and entering. It was a sad and unfortunate event. When I read the personal account of James Kim online, I felt heart broken and stunned, because of the rude, cruel, and ungracious way that he and his wife were treated. On a personal note, they had both taught the Bible to and loved my fiesty wife Christy for 3-4 years until she moved to Chicago to marry me in 1981. Furthermore, James Kim had given all of his youth not to pursuing his own ambition, but to sacrificially serving college students in UBF for 2 decades, both in Korea and in the U.S. Perhaps because of this event, apparently out of nowhere I suddenly remembered a somewhat similar event that happened about 25 years ago in Chicago UBF involving myself and a senior missionary. It is far less serious and dramatic. This is what happened.

In the mid-1980s Chicago UBF bought what has since been known as the UIC Bible House. After we bought it, a missionary couple was living on the 2nd floor as the steward of the Bible house, similar to David and Kristen Weed today. One day, my shepherd Dr. Samuel Lee told me to move into the Bible house, and to go and tell the missionary couple to move out. I was shocked at his directive. But I thought I was being tested. I also thought that perhaps I might be “more worthy” of living in the Bible house, because I had “more sheep and more growing disciples” than he did. (It is painful to confess my shameful way of thinking.) So I obeyed. I went and knocked on his door. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I told him that he and his wife had to move out right away, because Dr. Lee told me and my wife to move in. I can never forget the look of shock and surprise on his face. But he and his wife quietly and obediently moved out almost immediately without a single question or objection or complaint or display of anger. Then my wife and I moved in.

When I recalled this event, I immediately called up this missionary and met with him on Fri July 22, and I apologized to him personally for what I did a quarter of a century ago. He was very gracious. We laughed as we talked. We expressed how Dr. Lee would “do such things,” and that no one dared to question him. We acknowledged that Dr. Lee loved God and students, yet he too was a sinner who needed the grace of Jesus. But we both also acknowledged that such unchecked authoritarian practices and unilateral decisions should not be emulated. Especially, we both agreed that Dr. Lee’s authoritarian style of leadership is not healthy for UBF and that our past sins of doing so should be acknowledged, addressed and repented of. After our half an hour conversation, we prayed and thanked God for his mercy and grace to us in spite of all our sins.

Without question, Dr. Lee served God’s purpose in his own generation (Acts 13:36). God used him for 40 years as God’s instrument to make disciples in UBF of all nations (Matt 28:19) from 1961 to 2002. His life tremendously influenced countless leaders in UBF through out the world, including me, to love Jesus and to serve God. But some of his methods of leadership and discipleship, which were influenced by his times and culture, were abusive and exploitative. I fear that such a precedent might have been inadvertently set, since “Dr. Lee did it.” Clearly, what I did was wrong, regardless of what he told me to do, and I take full responsibility for it. In the past it was simply overlooked and unquestioned, and it may even have been regarded as being commendable and praiseworthy of “obedience.” Today, it would not be condoned.

I decided to post my confession, hoping that others who experienced or did similar things, might begin to say so openly, as our repentance and prayer that such unhealthy authoritarian practices and unilateral decisions by leaders may no longer be practiced in our church. Instead, we may prayerfully and humbly be continually transparent and accountable to each other in the Lord.

How am I able to be away from my job for three months? By the grace of God, and by the grace of my wife, God has enabled me to be semi-retired. I have a medical practice in Chicago for a decade with 3 doctors working for me. My wife has managed the practice administratively. Recently, my son Paul began to work for us, and he has been a tremendous help in relieving my wife’s burden. In a sense, I worked myself out of a job, which is a good thing, I think.

How did I come to make such a decision? When I saw so many students come for Bible study to the two new church plants in Antipolo and the University of the East (both in Manila), God prompted my heart. The primary test would be my wife’s approval. I thought that if I asked her about staying in Manila for many months, she would say, “Are you crazy!” Instead, to my shock, she said, “I felt the same way as well.”

What would I do there? I told Dr. William that I would not take over the ministry or lead the ministry. He has done a far better job than I ever could. So, this is a sort of three-month sabbatical to read, study, pray, share life and fellowship, and to become a part of their vibrant ministry.

What about my ministry at West Loop? We have eight other godly families at West Loop UBF, including with Rhoel and Elena, who are all the practical stewards of the ministry. Since her inception in January 2008, my prayer was always for the ministry to run without me, for all the leaders are such pure hearted responsible people, who are far better than I. Likely, I am working myself out of a job here as well. Praise the Lord!

Why am I doing this? Partly, it is to visit my 94-year old mom in Malaysia more easily. It is a day’s flight from Chicago, but only a three and a half hour flight from Manila. Mainly, I have been reflecting on two verses for 2011. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Phil 3:13-14). “…continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” (Phil 2:12-13). This is my prayer and pursuit of my upward heavenly calling in Christ, and the working out of my salvation with fear and trembling.

What next? I don’t know. My fear is that I am going to be lonely, because I have never been separated from my wife for more than three weeks over the last 30 years of our insanely happy marriage.

Do pray for me. And come visit if you are able to. Brendan Daley and 3 kids of John and Maria Peace are presently there. You will live in relative poverty, but you will have a jolly good time!

Trust and respect. In Part II I listed sixteen sources of conflict. Are there common underlying factors? I believe so. Trust and respect are the glue that binds people together in friendship. Any fellowship or friendship will weaken if there is disrespect and/or a lack of trust between people. Many of the sixteen listed in Part II communicate disrespect or send the message “I don’t trust you.” If a husband disrespects his wife, or if a wife does not trust her husband, the marriage will weaken. The same will happen within relationships in the church.

Inequality. If I had to boil everything down to just one point, I would say that divisions occur whenever there is perceived inequality in our interactions with church members. Why? God made us in his image (Gen 1:27-28) – the image of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They are three distinct persons, and are listed in a specific order (Father, Son and Spirit), yet they are each perfectly one God, and perfectly equal. Human beings, created in God’s image, are perfectly equal in our value, status and standing with one another. But if and when someone is regarded “more equal” or superior, or if some in the church have an unfair advantage over others, or are elevated in status over others, then inequality is ommunicated, and the potential for conflicts increases.

For instance, when you gossip or slander someone (point #1), you are basically implying that you are better than the person you gossiped about. If you say that someone is proud (point #2), you are implying that you are more humble, or not as proud. If you imply that you are the leader (point #4), you are suggesting that the one who is not the leader is lesser than you. Making decisions for others always communicates superiority on the part of the decision maker (points #6 and #7). Not being honest and open with others implies that you have the right to disclose to others what you want, and not share with them what (in your estimation) they do not need to know (point #14). Paternalism and patriarchy always brings advantage to the one who is senior (#15). When you say, “Just obey” (point #16), you are implying (a) that you have the superior position and right to tell others to obey, and (b) that you obeyed when you were supposed to and therefore are superior. If there is an exclusive group in the church (point #11), then there are those who are considered unworthy to be in that group, whose voices are less worthy of being heard.

These are all examples of how Trinitarian equality is violated. Wherever this type of inequality persists, it demonstrates lack of respect and lack of trust.

Now I will offer some practical suggestions for conflict resolution.

1. Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. Speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). Converse with grace, seasoned with salt (Col 4:6). The importance of dialogue cannot be overemphasized. God says to his rebellious people, “Come now, let us reason together” (Isa 1:18). Nothing can ever be resolved among men without honest, open, transparent dialogue, and then more dialogue. Dialogue is not the same thing as a meeting. A business meeting, prayer meeting, agenda-driven meeting, or Bible study meeting does not necessarily produce honest, open dialogue between the persons involved. So much misunderstanding and miscommunication could be resolved if we would just speak to one another saying prayerfully and humbly and freely whatever is on our heart and mind, whatever is troubling us. Like the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, human beings are relational persons. No person can relate to another person without honestly baring what is in his heart. (If you are married, try not speaking to your spouse and see what happens!)

2. The humble person should take the initiative. One cannot expect the proud person to humble himself first. God always takes the initiative in approaching sinners, even though He was never the one in the wrong. God’s initiative toward sinners infuses the whole Bible from Genesis to Revelation. God took the initiative to look for Adam who hiding in the garden (Gen 3:9). God took the initiative to go out to speak to the lost younger son (Luke 15:20) and to the lost older son (Luke 15:28). God takes the initiative because he is the one who is truly humble. In contrast, sinners are incorrigibly proud, even after many years of living as a Christian. Speaking for myself, I know how true this is. It is so hard for me to say to my dear lovely wife, “I’m sorry,” even when I know that I am clearly in the wrong. We “holy” Christians often wait for the other person, the one whom we consider to be worse than us, to grovel and humble themselves before us first. If God had done that, we would all be in hell.

3. Actively seek reconciliation. Even if we are actively praying and serving God in the church, resolving conflict must take precedence (Matt 5:24). I could reason that, because I’m so busy doing the very important work of God, I just can’t be bothered with some “minor” nagging interpersonal conflict, especially if it is “the other person’s fault.” Forgiveness and reconciliation lie at the heart of the gospel (Mark 11:25).

4. Address problems, sin and wrongdoing directly. Do not insinuate, gossip, beat around the bush, or attempt to communicate through a third party. If that doesn’t work, involve and include other mature Christians as needed (Matt 18:15-17). This takes tact, wisdom, maturity, prayer, compassion, courage and humility. Dealing with sin and wrongdoing in others requires great sensitivity (Gal 6:1). For example, when some Jews raised an outcry against their nobles and officials for charging exorbitant interest, Nehemiah listened to the facts patiently, pondered much in prayer, and then directly confronted the nobles and officials. After that, he also personally followed up with them to make sure they stopped charging interest (Neh 5:1-13).

5. Ponder the depths of God’s forgiveness. None of us can truly reconcile with another without personally knowing how much we have been forgiven by God, not just of the sins of the past, but of our grievous sins that are still ongoing (John 20:23).

6. Study and teach the Bible by focusing on indicatives, not imperatives. Indicatives are the gospel, the good news of what God has done (1 Cor 15:3,4). Imperatives are commands, such as “go and make disciples” (Matt 28:19), or “feed my sheep” (John 21:15-17). The focus and emphasis of the Bible are God and what God is doing (kerygma or proclamation), not what man or the church or what Christians must do (didache or teaching/instruction). Teaching and instruction burdens people with endless requirements, whereas proclamation brings them to Jesus who makes their yoke easy and light (Matt 11:28-30).

7. Emphasize truth before obedience. Truth sets us free (John 8:31-32). True obedience follows as a natural response to the love of God (John 14:15,21). When obedience is placed before truth, the result is law and righteousness by works rather than by faith,

8. Take responsibility for the one thing you did wrong, not the 99 things that the other person did wrong. In a conflict between God and man, God is always 100% right, and man is 100% wrong. However, in conflicts and disagreements between human beings, it is never the case that one person is 100% right, and the other person is 100% wrong. Even when the dispute is between a Christian and a non-Christian, the believer is never 100% right, not to mention conflicts between Christians.

9. View yourself critically, see others graciously. Personally, I have always found this very, very hard to do, especially when I am upset and angry. I’ll share two relevant quotes.

Humility is a spirit of self-examination. It’s a hermeneutic of suspicion toward yourself and charity toward people you disagree with (Richard Mouw, President, Fuller Theological Seminary).

Nothing that we despise in the other man is entirely absent from ourselves. We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, courtesy of John Y).

I will conclude with a brief anecdote. A few years ago, I passionately shared some biblical teaching to a group of young men and women in the church. After speaking, discussing and sharing for about an hour, a young man interrupted me, and asked me earnestly and rather urgently, “Dr. Ben, do you do everything you just taught us?” Though I was shocked by his genuine passionate question, the answer was so obviously easy that I immediately and spontaneously blurted out, “Absolutely not!”

I believe that my above suggestions and proposals for conflict resolution are sound and biblical. I have committed myself to personally practice them in my own life. But if I were asked, “Do you practice what you preach?”my answer would be the same: “Absolutely not!” This is not a copout. It’s absolutely true. That’s why Jesus is all I want, and Jesus is all I need every single moment. Surely there are more genuinely humble souls among you who are able to do these things far better than I.

Based on your own experience and observations and reflections, what practical suggestions and proposals do you have to resolve conflicts and divisions in the church, to promote healing and reconciliation?

1. He is a servant, not a boss (1 Cor 4:1; Mark 10:45).
2. He is to proclaim the secret things of God (1 Cor 4:1), which is the gospel. Any direction and influence that he has must be effected through the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ, not by the exercise of political authority over the church or lording over others as non-Christian leaders do (Mark 10:42).

In the late 19th century, Charles Spurgeon identified these problems as being oppressive and detrimental to the church in England. In the 20th century, John Stott made similar observations in the church through out the world. Yes, God still worked, and he may continue to work in the midst of such problems. But if so, it is because of God’s grace alone, and the continued presence of God’s work does not justify divisive behavior.

In this follow up article (Part II), I would like to describe how divisions typically start in the church. In the next installment (Part III), I will propose some practical solutions for conflict resolution following some biblical guidelines.

How do conflicts and divisions in the church begin?

Basically, it happens in the same way that conflicts among non-Christians arise outside the church. Here is a list of ways that conflicts start. This list is by no means comprehensive or exhaustive, and you may add to it based on your own observations or reflections.

1. Gossip and slander behind a person’s back, where the person gossipped about is absent, defenseless, judged, and disrespected. Speaking to the person directly is the most respectful, polite, noble and honorable thing to do. Gossip and slander is cowardly and despicable, and it is highly damaging and destructive to interpersonal relationships (Prov 11:13, 16:28, 18:8; 2 Cor 12:20; Eph 4:29; 2 Tim 2:16).

2. Labeling and caricaturing another person. Saying things such as: he’s proud; he’s lazy; he’s selfish; he’s immature; he’s childish; he’s self-centered; he’s stubborn; he never listens; he’s lustful; he’s spoilt; he’s divisive; he’s family centered; he’s a mental patient; and on and on. Statements like these are critical and judgmental. They hurt and wound people unnecessarily and are rarely justifiable, even if they contain an element of truth (Matt 7:1; Luke 6:37; Rom 2:1).

3. Making nationalistic or culturally insensitive statements. One that I have commonly heard in the United States is that Americans are “selfish” and “individualistic.” Remarks like these imply that non-Americans are less selfish and therefore better than Americans (cf. Rom 3:23).

4. Pulling rank. Saying to someone, “I’m the senior. I’m older. I’m the leader. I’m the director. Therefore I am your superior, and you must do as I say.” Of course, no one ever says this directly. But it is often said implicitly. Phrases in common use among us (e.g., “spiritual order”) communicate inequality, breed control and manipulation, and deny our God-given equality and Christian freedom (2 Cor 3:17; Gal 5:1). Although it may be said that everyone is equal, in practice some people are regarded as more equal than others.

5. Envisioning the church as a military operation. The church is not supposed to resemble the army or marines, and its members are not to be treated as cogs in a well-oiled machine. The church is a fellowship, united by bonds of friendship in the Lord (Ps 133:1). First and foremost, Christians are brothers, sisters, and family (Matt 12:50; Mark 3:35). Yes, the New Testament does occasionally use the metaphor of soldiers (2 Tim 2:3), but such language is rare. Any fair reading of the New Testament will show that the Apostles referred to their church members as brothers, sisters and friends, and the body is held together not by a military-style chain of command but by bonds of love. Christians are a “band of brothers,” not a “band of soldiers.”

6. Sending personal messages to another person through a third party. Whatever the reason may be for doing this (e.g., “I’m too busy”), it implies that the person being addressed is not worthy of being spoken to directly. It also subtly communicates that the message is non-negotiable and final, and that the recipient of the message has no choice or say in the matter, because the one communicating the message is not the orginator. This greatly increases the potential for misunderstanding and disgruntlement. Moreover, if the third party has some question or objection about the message he is supposed to communicate, he has been placed in a difficult and uncomfortable position. The recipient of the message then has many unresolved questions. Did the leader mean what he supposedly said? What was his intent in giving me such a message? Did the messenger nuance the orginal message based on his own interpretation and bias? A messenger may exaggerate or say something like this: “Ha, ha, your leader said that you have to do this! Ha, ha!” even though the leader may have never inteneded to say it in such a manner.

7. Making decisions about others without directly involving the persons affected. Countless times it has happened that decisions were made by someone “at the top,” and those being affected didn’t even hear about it until after the fact, and then only indirectly. This assumes that certain people at the top have the absolute right and authority over some other people below them.

8. Blowing up in anger, or losing one’s temper at another person. No one ever quite forgets when someone blows up, reacts angrily toward them, or abuses them either verbally or non-verbally (Eph 4:26).

9. Comparing church members to one another and creating an environment of competition. In a competitive environment, the winner who comes out on top is praised, regarded as superior, more fruitful, and harder working, and the loser is regarded as inferior, less fruitful and lazier.

10. Using the pulpit or podium to embarrass another person publicly by saying something that is negative, unflattering or critical. For example, “She loves her husband too much,” or “He watched a movie, instead of going fishing on campus.” Jesus never embarrassed or humiliated any of his disciples, not even Judas, either publicly or privately.

11. Creating an influential or exclusive group, an in-crowd, whose voices are heard loud and clear, while others are left out, ignored, unheard, or patronized. Exclusivity always excludes genuine friendship (John 15:15). In a previous post Are you a true friend?, I described how exclusivity hurts and destroys friendship. I understand that there must be leaders and elders in the church (1 Tim 3:1-13; Tit 1:5-9). But the members of the church must feel represented by leaders and the elders, not ruled over by them (Mark 10:42).

12. Creating categories of people and making distinctions among them, such as: clergy and laity; senior and junior; shepherds and sheep; missionary and native. Using terms like “exemplary,” “fruitful,” “sacrificial” to describe certain people, which therefore implies that there are those who are not mentioned are un-exemplary, un-fruitful and un-sacrificial.

13. Communicating favoritism, partiality, injustice, or hypocrisy (Exo 23:3; Lev 19:15; Acts 10:34; Rom 2:11; Eph 6:9; James 2:1,9). God is an impartial righteous judge who does not show favoritism. We are made in his image. No man likes to feel that he is treated with injustice or discriminated against arbitrarily.

14. Not being honest, open and transparent (like the Trinity) when interacting with another person. This will invariably cause misunderstanding and miscommunication by causing one party to feel as though the other party is withholding some vital information, or not telling the person the whole story. No one likes to be lied to. No one likes to feel as though someone is withholding some information from them and not telling them the whole truth.

15. Paternalism and patriarchy. This always favors the older, the senior, and the male, instead of the younger, the junior, and the female. This takes away from grace, which is always unmerited undeserved favor (Eph 2:8-9; Tit 3:5; 1 Cor 15:10), with grace being perhaps the most beautiful of doctrines in the Bible. Grace and favor has obviously absolutely nothing to do with whether or not one is older or senior or male. So, if we implicitly favor the older, the senior and the male, then the younger and the junior will always be regarded as wrong or inferior or “less worthy” in any area of disagreement or conflict. The merit of the issue itself, or the case in point will always be secondary, and relegated to the implicit practice of paternalism and patriarchy.

16. Saying, “Just obey,” to anyone, instead of practicing gentle patient persuasion. Even if the intention is to encourage faith, it nonetheless translates as “obey blindly,” or be regarded as no good. True obedience (or, for that matter, true repentance or true faith) is never ever entirely just an act of the human will. Jesus says that obedience or keeping his commands is the result of love (John 14:15,21), with love being the work or fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). So if anyone says, implies or communicates “just obey,” they make it seem as though obedience is entirely up to you, a mere frail, fallible, fallen human being, and they are implying or assuming that obedience is possible by human effort alone, without God’s help or intervention.

After quite plainly listing the points above, I understand that merely pointing out faults doesn’t help and will not resolve anything. It is because the law by itself is not transformative; the law only nitpicks and condemns the guilty. Law is useless unless it leads to grace (Gal 3:24). Some may regard this list as complaining and church-bashing. Describing these problems may not lead to edification and humble reflection (Rom 12:3; Phil 2:3). It may also infuriate those who feel that they are being unfairly picked on or singled out. But this is not my intention.

Rather, my hope and prayer by painstakingly listing the above is

1. to allow those who have been hurt or wounded by bad practices and blind spots in our church to be heard, and to have a voice and a say,
2. to promote openness, healing and reconciliation between offended parties, and
3. to humbly ponder, review, reassess and reflect upon our UBF practices and, as a 50-year old church, identify the specific areas where we need improvement (unless we think we have none).

In your own experience and observations, how have conflicts, broken relationships and divisions arisen in the church?

Another respected leader named John Stott was at the meeting, and after Dr. Lloyd-Jones was finished, Stott approached the lectern and said to the audience, “I believe history is against what Dr. Lloyd-Jones has said… and I also believe that Scripture is against him.” Stott wanted evangelicals to stay within the Church of England to be a transforming influence.

So who, if either, is correct? When is it right to separate and leave a church or a denomination, and when should one stay and be salt and light within the church? Lloyd-Jones also said, “Ecumenical people put fellowship before doctrine. We, as Evangelicals, put doctrine before fellowship.” There is an issue here that arises however: Since no church has absolutely perfect doctrine, where is the doctrinal line drawn before one says, “this far and no further” regarding the teaching of the church?

Also, what if the question is not only one of doctrine but also practice? What if a church teaches essentially correct doctrine but its overall systematic practices go against its teaching? Lloyd-Jones had an issue with the Anglican Church because, while their doctrinal statement was basically solid, according to him, its practices across the board over time were not and so he advocated separation in that case.

What is the threshold for staying or leaving a ministry? Is there a line for the amount of doctrinal aberrance, personal abuse, or theological difference that determines staying or leaving? Or is it subjective, on a case by case basis?

For me and my wife, we decided to leave UBF because too many lines had been crossed for too long, without being able to see any glimmer of change within the ministry. I think we also felt powerless to do anything about it because whenever I broached the subject with my “shepherd,” I was very quickly shut down. Of course, now I do see that there are people who both want the ministry to change, and who have the position to do something about it. Nevertheless, if I had to make the same decision again, I would. I think that it was right for me and my wife to leave and I have never regretted it. We found another church and have been growing.

But what do you think about where the line should be drawn?

Reading Romans to learn about justification by faith is a useful exercise. But it is also helpful to take off those Reformation goggles to see what Paul was actually saying to Roman Christians in the first century. If we do so, then we may find that the central teaching of Romans is not justification by faith. Rather, I believe we will find that the key idea is divine election.

Allusions to election appear in the very first verse: “Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle and set apart for the gospel of God…” (Ro 1:1). Notice the terms “called” and “set apart.” Paul’s status as an apostle and servant of Christ were not attained by virtue, dedication, hard work, values, character, etc. but were given to him as a gift of pure grace. It was God who called him and set him apart from his fellow Jews to serve the gospel rather than promoting Jewish law, custom and tradition.

Paul was writing to a church that he did not personally found. His letter was intended to give them a rich theological and historical perspective on the gospel, to help them better understand their identity as a mixed congregation of Jewish and Gentile Christians. Comparisons and contrasts between Jews and Gentiles are made throughout the book, in virtually every chapter. Vast differences existed between these two groups with regard to history, culture, lifestyle and conscience. Paul did not want them to ignore those differences, but to pay attention to them, wrestle with them, and understand God’s purpose in bringing these polar opposites together in light of missio Dei.

The thesis of the first half of the book (Chapters 1-8) is that a divine message of salvation has now been revealed, a message that can save Jew and Gentile alike, and that both groups are saved in exactly the same way: through a righteousness that comes by faith (1:16-17). Both groups are sinful and deserving of God’s judgment, but in different ways and for different reasons. Gentiles have fallen into blatant godlessness evidenced by idolatry, sexual immorality, violence, and depravity (1:18-32). Jews have violated God’s covenant with them by breaking the laws that he gave them (2:17-29). Neither group has the right to point a finger of judgment at the other, because neither one is repentant (2:1-5). But Jesus Christ came to save both Jew and Gentile in the same way, granting them righteousness that comes by faith (3:21-26). God’s manner of salvation makes it impossible for anyone to boast (3:27). This gospel of righteousness is not new; it is found in the Old Testament, through the accounts of Abraham and David (chapter 4). Jesus is the new Adam who recreates the entire human race (chapter 5). Anyone who believes Christ is united with him in his death and resurrection, and the risen Christ comes alive in him, giving him a new life (chapter 6). Christians are not bound by law, but have been freed to live by the Holy Spirit. The Spirit accomplishes what the law was powerless to do: bring our dead souls to life, give us victory over sin (chapters 7-8).

Partway through this treatise on the gospel is a defense of the doctrine of election (3:1-8). Paul explains that even though the Jews failed to uphold their covenant, God’s purpose for them did not fail. He hints that human unfaithfulness is foreseen by God and is ultimately used for his glory, but that fact does not absolve anyone of genuine guilt. He picks up this theme again in chapters 9-11, where he wrestles with a subject that for him was intensely personal and painful: the Jews’ overwhelming rejection of the gospel.

If we look to Romans chapters 9-11 to answer all of our questions about Calvinism versus Arminianism, we will be disappointed. Paul was not constructing a theological system. His purpose was limited to making sense of what God had done, was doing, and will do with his chosen people, to help Jewish and Gentile Christians understand their respective positions in God’s redemptive history.

In chapter 9, Paul shares his deep anguish over the Israel’s rejection of the gospel. Despite their glorious spiritual heritage as God’s chosen people, they rejected God’s Messiah. They stumbled over the “stumbling stone,” because they pursued righteousness through the conditional, failed covenant of Mosaic law rather than the unconditional Abrahamic covenant of righteousness by faith. God foresaw all their failure and their future rejection of Christ, yet he patiently bore with them for many centuries because he had a different purpose for them. His purpose was to raise up through them a faithful remnant to carry the gospel to his elect among the Jews, and to use the Jews’ majority rejection of Christ to propel the gospel out to the Gentiles.

In the middle of chapter 9, Paul makes a startling claim. He says that underlying reason why the majority of Jews rejected the gospel is that God hardened their hearts. He compares the Israelites to Pharaoh, of whom it is said numerous times (I counted ten times in Exodus chapters 4-14) that God hardened his heart against the message of Moses. Paul repeats the claim in chapter 11, using references from Deuteronomy 29 and Isaiah 29 to show that “God gave them a spirit of stupor” so that they would reject the message.

Paul’s claim is difficult for us to swallow, because it deeply conflicts with our modernistic notions of fairness, freedom, and autonomy of the individual human person. It was also confusing for Christians in the first century, but for different reasons. It conflicted with their understanding of the Old Testament. How could they reconcile this reasoning with God’s numerous promises to Israel? Had God changed his mind and rejected those whom he had chosen? Paul offered some clarifications to help his readers, and it is useful to examine them even if they do not put to rest all the questions and concerns of 21^st century evangelicals. First, Paul notes that “not all who are descended from Israel are Israel” (9:6). It is not the physical descendents of Abraham who are reckoned as God’s children, but those among them who accepted his promise of blessing. Second, he says that even if God hardens someone’s heart, it does not absolve them of personal responsibility (9:19-21). Third, even though most of the Jews had at present rejected God’s offer, they had not stumbled beyond recovery (11:11). All of God’s promises throughout the Old Testament still stood; his gifts and promises were irrevocable, which led Paul to believe that the hardening of their hearts was temporary. He still hoped that at some point in the future, many of them would eventually come back into a saving relationship with God, because God’s desire was to show mercy to all (11:25-32). Realizing that this is still very difficult to understand, that we do not at present see exactly what God is doing but must trust his judgments, Paul consigns these teachings to the realm of mystery and exclaims, “Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!” (11:33-36).

Editors of the NIV placed Romans 11:25-32 under a section title, “All Israel Will Be Saved.” Some evangelicals believe that all Jews will ultimately receive salvation, and this is tied to various beliefs about the future of the nation of Israel. Although I do not dismiss these theories, I remain skeptical because I do not know the extent to which Paul’s use of the term “Israel” relates to any modern-day ethnic or religious group or geopolitical entity. Like Paul, I am happy to place this in a file cabinet under “mysterious teachings of the Bible.” I don’t know what the future holds for Israel, but I suspect that however it pans out, everyone will be surprised. (That’s why I call myself a pan-millennialist.)

Although Paul doesn’t answer many of our questions about predestination, he does give us a definitive understanding of God’s overall purpose in election, and he does present a “practical application” of this teaching to his first-century readers. He tells them that, whether they are Jews or Gentiles, their acceptance of the gospel did not “depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy” (9:16). The historic covenant of law had to fail prior to the coming of the gospel; if it did not, it would have undermined God’s plan to grant people righteousness by faith alone (9:30-33). If the people of Israel had not rejected Christ, then Jewish missionaries who carried the gospel to the Gentiles could still claim ethnic or religious superiority over the people they were evangelizing. The rejection of the gospel by the Jews underscored the fact that the minority, the remnant who accepted the gospel, were chosen not because of their superior character or effort or achievements but by the grace of God alone (11:1-6). And the Gentiles who received the gospel from the Jewish remnant had no right to boast either, because they too were chosen by grace alone (11:13-21). At no point should anyone in Christ feel smug or self-assured in their salvation. No one in the church has achieved standing before God on the basis any decision they have made or any action that they have taken; their standing has always been by grace alone, and if they deny that, they themselves will be cut off (11:22).

The principle of election should foster in everyone a deep, heartfelt gratitude toward God and humility before other people, as Paul says in the next chapter: “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you” (12:3). Although we have been saved by faith, the faith itself is a gift from God. Whether we think of ourselves as having weak faith, strong faith, or no faith, no Christian individual or group at any time has any basis for pride over anyone else, because whatever faith they have was distributed to them by God as an undeserved gift.

This understanding of election leads us inevitably to a rule of love, not a rule of law, as the sole ethic of the Christian life. A Christian must not by driven by desire to achieve a superior status or blessing from God on the basis of anything he is or does; such motivations are incompatible with the gospel. The sole motivation for everything we do must be love for God, for our neighbor, and for our enemy (12:9-21). Love is the fulfillment of the law (13:8-10). Christians who understand election will not pass judgment on one another. Those who seem to be “strong” will never judge those who seem “weak,” or vice-versa, because God accepts all regardless of strength or weakness (14:1-22).

And in a stunning reversal of common sense, Paul uses the term “weak” in chapter 14 to refer to Jewish Christians who, because of their consciences, felt compelled to adhere to dietary and religious laws. I’ll bet that those believers did not consider themselves to be weak. From childhood, they had been trained to think of adhering to their laws (which, by the way, were biblically based) as a sign of holiness, discipline and purity. Paul characterized their reliance upon those disciplines as a weakness and freedom from those laws as strength. But he warned those who were free to be mindful of those who were not. He urged everyone not to impose their moral scruples upon one another, but to respect one another’s consciences, to love one another and live in peace as demonstrated by unity-in-diversity.

Historians have called the early Church “a sociological impossibility.” This description is very accurate. There was no human way for Jews and Gentiles, who in so many ways were polar opposites, to come together as friends and form a loving community. But it happened in the first century, and the reason why it happened is found in the book of Romans. Understanding the doctrine of divine election enabled the Jewish and Gentile Christians to embrace their differences and see why God had put them together in the same church.

A Brief Overview of Philippines UBF

The ministry began in 1984 when Ron Quilaton of Chicago, a Bible student of my wife, went to Manila for medical school and invited William to Bible study. Upon completion of his medical school, Ron returned to the U.S. in 1988. I did not expect the ministry to continue. But William has faithfully led and served the ministry ever since. Thus far, they have established many godly families, and have sent out missionaries to the US (including Hawaii), Canada, Britain, UAE and Baggio, a province in the Philippines. Over the past year, they sent out Timothy Ipapo and Dr. John Talavera to plant two churches in Manila near the University of the East and Fatima University at Antipolo.

When I visited them from Feb 15-20, 2011, I was stunned that there were so many new students coming to their fellowship meetings for Bible study. I was expecting only a handful of students, but 30 new students packed a room on Thursday under Timothy and his wife Esther, and 20 new students came the following day under John and his wife Hannah, with the support of Susan San Marcos. At their main center, William meets a dozen single men for prayer and daily bread at 5 am every morning, while his wife Sarah meets a half dozen single young women at 6 am. Jonathan and Grace Reytos is the only other couple remaining in their main center besides William and Sarah. They also have a growing ministry at UP (University of the Philippines) Manila, the top university in the Philippines, which is being led by Arlene Miranda, a recent graduate of UP.

The Agony of the Plateau Phase

Personally, I have experienced a growth phase in my ministry in Chicago in the 1980s and 90s. But over the past decade or so, I am agonizing about having “flat-lined,” though my passion and enthusiasm has not waned. We have 9 families at West Loop UBF at present. But we might have only a handful of converts each year. While much of our “growth” has come from our kids growing up and participating in the ministry, student ministry has been hard, even though our main leaders are committed and faithful godly men and women.

However, Philippines UBF has been growing with many converts each year, even as they send out their families as missionaries and for church planting, as well as sending their single women to marry men from other UBF chapters. How have they been able to grow continually for a quarter of a century without having reached a plateau phase that does not seem to be coming anytime soon?

Seven Reasons for Continuing Growth

1st, a godly couple, William and Sarah. They are truly the pillars, the power source, the foundation, and the backbone of the ministry. William is like a father to everyone. In addition to his own two children, he adopted three additional children out of compassion, for they were abandoned at the clinic where he worked. Three times he called up his wife from work and said, “Honey, I’m bringing home a baby.” His youngest adopted son is named Obama, who is two years old. William is also a man of prayer and vision and compassion for his people and his country. Everyone in the ministry loves and trusts him without reservation.

Sarah is motherly and sanguine. Her laughter and joy are palpable and infectious. I have never seen her depressed, angry, moody, grumpy, dark, difficult or griping. Truly, it seems like she is always smiling warmly and genuinely from her heart. Most of all, both William and Sarah love Jesus, they love the Bible, and they love their people.

2nd, communal living. Through out their married life, William and Sarah have literally lived communally with all their Bible students from the time they come to Bible study until they marry in the church. Presently, about two dozen adults and a handful of teenagers and Obama live at the church. They eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together every day. They cook together. They do their laundry together. They wash the dishes together. They take collective stewardship to clean the church daily. Literally, they are one big happy family in Jesus. I have visited them yearly over the last few years, and their communal living is like a slice of heaven on earth.

On Saturday evenings, they prepare for the Sun worship service. In the main hall of the worship service, there are individual people practicing the piano, guitar, violin, flute and cello scattered throughout the room. There are also some practicing singing. The remarkable thing is that they are all practicing their own individual parts simultaneously! Just imagine the amount of noise that is created. It is really, really loud and noisy, including babies playing and crying. Yet the spirit and joy of the people strangely makes this collective disjointed loud noise sound like a chorus of angels. I am still pondering how or why this loud mass of noise is not irritating or gyrating, but rather really exhilarating. Surely it is the Spirit of God in our midst.

3rd, contextualization of the Bible in their own vernacular. Philippines UBF is not a cross-cultural mission. It is what Peter Wagner has termed E1 evangelism, which is the most effective form of evangelism, as previously written and explained by Joe. They do not have any cultural misunderstanding or miscommunication, since they are all Filipinos.

4th, unity in the Spirit. Nothing destroys a church or ministry faster than conflicts, politics, gossip, slander, accusation, one-upmanship and divisions. I am sure that on occasion they have disagreements among themselves. But they have such a degree of love, trust, humility and respect for each other, that human conflicts and politics have always been subdued and overcome, not by human authority, but by the Spirit of God.

5th, joy. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace (Gal 5:22). One can fake or force a smile that could even look quite attractive, but no one can fake joy, which comes from the heart only by the work of the Holy Spirit. Where there is true spontaneous authentic unabashed joy, people are always attracted.

6th, informality. They have Sunday worship services, 1 to 1 Bible studies, weekly fellowship meetings, several Bible conferences during the year, testimony writing and sharing, fishing, etc, like most UBF chapters throughout the world. But they have a degree of informality that is quite refreshing. I think that what they learn informally when they eat together, or do chores, or walk, or play sports, or live their daily life together may be more influential than all the rest of their formal church activities and Bible study put together. There is very little difference, if any, in their formal Bible study and their informal chatting. They see and feel and experience the Christian life lived out daily.

7th, friendship. People want to hang out with their friends. No one wants to hang out with someone who irks them, or irritates them, or angers them. Though William and Sarah are the oldest, as well as their spiritual parents, yet they are truly warm open-hearted friends with all their Bible students. There is no sense of any gap or superiority or seniority in all their friendships or relationships.

Some Application from Philippines Ministry

This is in no particular order:

1) Regard Bible students as friends, or even as peers and as trusted colleagues and partners and equals, rather than as “sheep.” It is sad when some Bible students have felt as though their shepherds and Bible teachers treated them like sheep, even after they have been in the ministry for years. We remember Jesus’ words of genuine affirmation when he said to his disciples who would soon abandon him in a few days, “I no longer call you servants… Instead, I have called you friends” (John 15:15).

2) Let learning occur out of the rich informality of life, and not just in formal Bible study settings. This is in keeping with Deut 6:7-9.

3) Let indigenous leaders lead as soon as possible. William was thrust into a position of leadership when his shepherd and Bible teacher returned to the U.S. after just a few years of Bible study. Paul also established indigenous leaders quite rapidly whenever he planted churches (Acts 14:22,23).

4) Be honest, open, and transparent (HOT) in all our interactions. If we are not, others will speculate and think of all kinds of hidden agendas, real or imagined.

5) Overcome the natural paternalism, patriarchy and hierarchy inherently present in all of us. If we don’t, it will seem as though we favor some, not on the basis of grace, but on the basis of tenure, seniority, or some arbitrary partiality, which will inevitably communicate favoritism, control and manipulation.

Final Thoughts

1) How does your church life and Christian experience compare with Philippines UBF?

2) If you have the financial means, do visit them, and your room and food would be provided, or you could make an occasional offering to them, since they are all quite poor. For example, a manual laborer working a 8 hour day gets paid $10/day.

Here I want to focus on some aspects of election found in Romans chapters 9-11. Paul didn’t write those chapters to settle modern theological debates. He was expounding on the relationship between the Gentiles and Jews. He was trying to explain why the nation of Israel, which had been created and chosen by God to receive the gospel and carry it to the world, rejected Christ and failed to carry out its mission. And he was relating that explanation to his teaching that righteousness must always come by faith alone, not by observing the law. I imagine that if we could ask the Apostle Paul about the merits of Calvinism versus Arminianism, he would respond with a very puzzled look, not because he never heard of Calvin or Arminius, but because to him this debate would sound very odd.

As modern evangelicals, we tend to think of salvation in terms of the rescue of individuals. We imagine humanity as an endless parade of souls marching along on a highway to hell, and our mission is to pluck as many souls as we can off that road and set them on the path to heaven. If we follow this thinking to its logical conclusion, the most faithful Christian is the one who asks everyone he meets, “If you were to die this afternoon, do you think you would go to heaven?” The most effective missionary is the one with the highest number of converts. And the overarching goal of discipleship is to change each person into a lean, mean, soul-saving machine. Other aspects of gospel work — feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, comforting the lonely, and so on — are just for the sake of good public relations, to open people’s hearts and prepare them for the “real” purpose of evangelism, which is to close the deal and get everyone converted and baptized before they die.

I am not saying that this individual-rescue idea of salvation is entirely wrong. I do believe that there is a great deal of truth in it. But this is not the way that the gospel is presented in the New Testament. It is the mindset of a 19^th-century tent revivalist, not the language of Jesus, Peter or Paul. One reason why the New Testament doesn’t present the gospel in those terms is that Hebrew people had radically different notions of what it means to be a person.

In our understanding, a person is an autonomous being, one who exercises independence in thought, decision and action. In debates about abortion, for example, one of the key questions is, “When should a fetus be considered a person?” Many have argued that a fetus should be considered a person when it becomes viable and has a reasonable chance of surviving outside the mother’s womb. This modernist notion of persons shows up in that famous statement by Descartes: “I think, therefore I am.” His existence as a person is validated when he exercises his own rational thought.

But the Hebrews who wrote the Bible had different ideas about personhood. To the Jewish mind, a person was someone who was had significant relationships with others. At the beginning of Romans 9, Paul wishes that he could be cut off from Christ if only his fellow Israelites would be saved. To us, that desire seems very strange. Who among us would be willing to be condemned for all eternity to save other people, many of whom we have never met? But to Paul it made sense, because he never regarded himself as a lone wolf. He was a member of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews, a Pharisee among Pharisees (Acts 23:6, Php 3:5). His personal identity was so closely bound to his people that he couldn’t imagine himself being separated from them. If being with Christ was going to cut him off from his community, he almost didn’t want to be with Christ.

The other apostles had similar feelings. Before Jesus ascended to heaven, they asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” (Acts 1:6) When we read this, we tend to scoff at the disciples: “How could they possibly think that way? Didn’t they realize that Jesus came to establish a spiritual kingdom, not a political one?” But their question was perfectly legitimate. They couldn’t imagine a gospel message that would personally save them without also restoring their nation. Given all the promises God made to Israel in the Old Testament, and given what Paul says in Romans 9-11, their question is defensible and biblically sound. The Hebrew God cares about individuals, but he also cares about the nations and especially about his chosen people. How often do the Old Testament prophets speak God’s word not to individuals but to the nations and to Israel?

In chapter 7 of The Open Secret, Lesslie Newbigin argues that the idea of persons as relational beings is consistent with Scripture and with orthodox Christian belief. It is rooted in the understanding of God as Father, Son and Spirit – three persons in one God. Human beings created in his image share in his relational nature. The first mention of human beings appears in Genesis 1:26-27:

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

The Trinitarian God spoke and created people as males and females, designed for relationships with one another. This longing for interpersonal relationship is expressed in sexuality. Sexual attraction, which is hardwired by God into our bodies, minds, emotions and personalities, is the magnetism and glue that creates families. The families produce children and become the building blocks of societies. In addition to these relationships with one another, we were also made to be in relationship with the rest of the created world. Our role in that relationship is to rule over the earth, serving as its stewards and managers (Gen 1:28).

When sin enters the world in Genesis chapter 3, it mars all the relationships that define us as persons. Man’s relationship with himself is broken and he experiences shame. He runs and hides, a sign of his broken relationship with God. Marital intimacy is cracked as the man blames his wife, and they cover themselves with fig leaves. Their relationship with the world is broken when the ground is cursed and rebels against them, producing thorns and thistles instead of food. When the destruction spreads through Adam’s family to his descendants and to all of society (chapters 4-6), God decides to scrub the world by a devastating flood. But the flood doesn’t solve the problem, because human beings remain evil from childhood (Gen 8:21). Human efforts to fix up the world are doomed to fail, as evidenced by the Tower of Babel, and the disunity, conflict and chaos continue (Gen 11:1-9).

If sin destroyed the relationships that make the world run as it should, then shouldn’t the gospel be about repairing relationships and restoring the world? Yes; that is how the Bible is structured. World history is a story with four great acts. Act 1 is creation: God made the world and everything in it; then he created people to love him, to love one another, and to take care of the earth. Act 2 is the Fall: sin entered the world and destroyed our relationships with God, with one another, and with the created world. Act 3 is redemption, which began with Abraham and ended at the cross. God paid the price for sin through the death of his son. Act 4 is restoration, when God remakes humanity and the earth. Restoration begins with the resurrection of Christ, his ascension to heaven, and the coming of the Holy Spirit. In this post-Pentecostal era, the Holy Spirit is working to restore our relationships with God, with one another and with the world. Act 4 will continue until Jesus returns to completely destroy sin and death, to raise our bodies and establish the new heaven and the new earth.

If we see God’s purpose as holistic restoration of mankind and the world, then our understanding of our mission must be broader than saving individual souls so they can go to heaven. The Church must be involved in the healing of relationships at all levels: our relationship with God (evangelism and worship), our relationships to ourselves (physical and psychological healing), our relationships with our spouses and children (healing of families), our relationships with our neighbors and with all society (healing of communities and nations), and even our relationships to the created world (environmental stewardship). No single individual can do all these things effectively, but the Church as a whole can do them by allowing different parts of the Body of Christ to perform their specialized functions. These activities of the Church will not transform the whole earth and usher in the kingdom of God; that will happen when Jesus returns. But the working of the Holy Spirit through the Church serves as a witness, a sign, and a foretaste of the kingdom that is already breaking into the world.

So what does all this have to do with election? That’s a good question…

The Social Network

This movie made me think about friendship. The story focuses on Zuckerberg’s relationships with four young men: his best friend, Edwardo Severin, who was the co-founder of Facebook, and three rich Harvard students. Their friendships with Zuckerberg broke down, and all four eventually sued him for huge sums of money.

Why did these relationships break down? Money was an issue. But these relationships were fundamentally flawed from the start, because they were missing a key factor that I believe is necessary for true friendship. True friendship must communicate a spirit of inclusivity. Let me explain this based on Zuckerberg’s story.

In 2003 — about one year before the launch of Facebook — three Harvard students hired Zuckerberg to work for them as a computer programmer. He was supposed to start up a new website called Harvard Connections, which would allow Harvard students to connect with one other online. Though Zuckerberg verbally agreed to work for them, he was intead inspired to start Facebook by partnering with his friend Severin.

Zuckerberg may have done this because the three Harvard students, who were sons of multi-millionaires, came across as rich, exclusive snobs who wanted to use him for their own success. One of them said to Zuckerberg, “By working for us, it will help improve your image.” This implied that Zuckerberg’s status was inferior to theirs. Zuckerberg proceeded to develop Facebook without their knowledge or input. When Facebook became a multi-billion dollar enterprise, they sued Zuckerberg for theft of intellectual property. To avoid negative publicity, Zuckerberg settled the suit for 65 million dollars. To him, that was like a speeding ticket; his net worth is now estimated to be $6.9 billion.

But Zuckerberg was also sued by Edwardo Severin, his former best friend. How did that happen? That story is more complicated. Severin provided startup funds for the development of Facebook, and he served as the Chief Financial Officer. Zuckerberg and Severin had mutually decided upon a joint ownership of Facebook: 70% for Zuckerberg, 30% for Severin. But Severin’s vision for Facebook was smaller than Zuckerberg’s. Severin believed that it could grow into a multimillion dollar venture. But after Zuckerberg met Sean Parker, the enterprising young founder of Napster, Zuckerberg began to listen to Parker and believe that Facebook would someday be worth billions. Severin felt betrayed by his best friend, and he froze the company’s $19,000 bank account, which he had funded with his own money. When Zuckerberg discovered this, he retaliated. He tricked Severin into signing a new Facebook contract which would grant him 30% ownership of the company, but over time that portion was diluted to 0.03% as Facebook increased its shares and grew in size. Severin sued Zuckerberg and was eventually restored as co-founder of Facebook with a 7% share of the company. His present net worth is $2.5 billion.

After thinking about these relationships among Zuckerberg, Severin and the three rich Harvard students, I realized that friendship should be inclusive. The three rich students believed they had an exclusive, elite status, and they wanted to use Zuckerberg’s genius to achieve their own ends. Zuckerberg smelled a rat, so he invented Facebook despite them and without them. Similar dynamics were found in Severin’s relationship with Zuckerberg. When Zuckerberg began to listen to Parker instead of him, he (Severin) felt excluded and betrayed. Severin lashed out at Zuckerberg by freezing the bank account, and Zuckerberg retaliated by diluting Severin’s share.

What can I learn from this and apply to my Christian life?

True friendship is inclusive, not exclusive. To varying degrees and in various ways, we are all proud and sinful human beings. If I, as a Christian, project an attitude that I am better — if I suggest that I am smarter, purer, superior, wiser, richer, older, more spiritual, fruitful, accomplished, experienced, knowledgeable, sacrificial, or hard working than someone else — I will communicate to that person a spirit of exclusivity. That attitude screams out, “You do not yet belong to my elite class!” I may be outwardly kind, polite, gentle, and generous. But if someone detects the smell of exclusivity, I will never be able to win him as a true friend, someone who cares for me and who has my back.

Once I made a church-related decision without seriously considering the objections and differing opinions of other church members. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. But several of them felt hurt, even betrayed, and our relationships wre strained. I made my decision brashly and unilaterallly without consultinag them. They felt that I had excluded them.

The desire to be included is a fundamental aspect of what it means to be a person. Inclusiveness is part of the image and greatness of our God.

God demonstrates the most marvelous inclusivity toward sinners. The most elite and exclusive of all clubs is the fellowship of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Their joy, satisfaction and fulfillment among themselves is sublime, exquisite and perfect; it can never be improved upon. But what did this perfect trinitarian community do? They decided to open up their fellowship to sinners. They invited the most worthless, vulgar and unqualified scumbags (us) to join their exquisite club.

To his nation of rebellious people, the holy God said “Come now, let us reason together” (Isa 1:18). To his immature, unqualified disciples — whom he knew would all abandon him within a week — Jesus said, “I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:16). God is present with us through the Holy Spirit, and he will never leave or forsake those whom he has called and chosen (Mt 1:23; Heb 13:5). The Israelites and the disciples of Jesus should never, ever have been included by the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. They were utterly unqualified because of their sins. But through the costly cross of Christ, God, by his mercy and grace alone, by his generous spirit of inclusivity, accepted them as they were.

I am reminded of Samuel Lee, the founder of UBF, who exuded a spirit of inclusivity. Though he was the top leader of the organization, he introduced himself warmly to others as, “I am Sam.” In his communication style, he made others feel welcomed and embraced. He did not come across as belonging to a higher, elite, or untouchable class. He did not want to have an agenda to use people, their gifts and their skills, for promoting himself or the UBF organization. Because of his spirit of inclusivity and friendship, God used him to win countless friends for Christ in Korea and throughout the world.

Nine years after Lee’s passing, has UBF lost some of its spirit of inclusivity? Perhaps we have. When we label certain UBF members as “exemplary” shepherds or missionaries, “fruitful” shepherds or missionaries, Ph.D. professor shepherds, “senior” leaders, and so on, what are we communicating? The gospel that I accepted and believed proclaims that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23), and that “there is no one righteous, not even one” (Rom 3:10). That applies even to the most exemplary of UBF members. By making and reinforcing these distinctions, we communicate an attitude that some of us are better, more worthy and more honorable than the rest.

Some have alluded, or even explictly stated, that UBF members are the “Green Berets” of the Christian church. (The Green Berets are the U.S. Army Special Forces, one of the world’s most elite military corps.) It has been said that those who belong other churches are “cultural” Christians. We have made negative and unflattering insinuations about mega-churches and “hallelujah” churches. Are we any more sincere and dedicated than Christians in other churches and ministries? Perhaps so, or perhaps not. But regardless, we are in no position to make those judgments. To say such things, or even to imply them, communicates an inner spirit of hubris, superiority and exclusivity. That spirit will discourage true friendships from forming among members of UBF, and between us and Christians in other churches and ministries.

Do you agree that friendship should be inclusive? Does being a true friend to someone else require a spirit of inclusivity?

• Sooner or later, fellow Christians are going to hurt one another. Often it is unintentional, but sometimes it is intentional.
• Jesus gives us very clear instructions on what to do when a brother or sister in Christ — someone who is truly close to us — sins against us.
• Christians routinely disobey Jesus’ instructions. In fact, these commands that Jesus gave are among the most frequently ignored commands in all of Scripture.

The primary text to which he refers is Matthew 18:15-17:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Dr. Roberts, a genuine New Testament scholar, carefully unpacks the meaning of this passage in its broader context. He explains the importance of discerning when someone has actually sinned against you. Then he discusses the necessity of (a) recognizing that you have been legitimately hurt and (b) carefully following Jesus’ instructions to confront this hurt and repair the personal relationship. He concludes today’s installment with the following observation:

If you’re a person who tends to overreact and accuse others of wrongdoing, you may want to be sure you’re not misusing Matthew 18 by confronting those who haven’t done anything wrong to you. On the contrary, if you’re someone who tends to avoid conflict at all costs – someone like, me, for instance – watch out for your own denial and rationalization. The health of the church, not to mention your own ultimate well being, may very well require that you do the risky thing and talk directly to the one who has hurt you.

Thinking about myself and the Christian brothers and sisters in my life, I do believe that some of us are prone to overreact and accuse others needlessly. But many more of us seem to fall into that second trap of denying or avoiding conflict, thinking that by doing so we are being “mature,” “spiritual” or “godly.”

Here are some more of my own thoughts on the matter.

1. The hardest part of obeying Jesus’ command is taking that first step of privately approaching that person who hurt us. All too often, we try to replace that painful step with something else. Common substitutes are:

• Suppressing our hurt feelings. In our desire to make the conflict go away, we intellectualize/spiritualize the problem, and in doing so we try to make ourselves believe that we are doing right. We tell ourselves that we are ‘repenting” of our hurt feelings, “forgiving” the other person, or ‘turning the other cheek.” But in reality, we are stuffing our emotions into a box, hoping that they will eventually go away.
• Talking to other people about the person. Approaching a spouse or trusted confidante for advice may be necessary to gain clarity on whether or not we have truly been sinned against. But all too often, when we talk to other people, we are not actually seeking their advice. Rather, we are venting our own anger and frustration about the person who hurt us, gossiping about them, criticizing them, and seeking to undermine their reputation. Talking to others may be a useful prelude to speaking to the person who hurt us, but it should never be a substitute.
• Blaming the church/organization. When someone hurts us, it is easy to say, “UBF should do something about this.” Yes, there is a time and place for us to honestly examine our churchwide practices and culture. But systematic problems in a church (and every church has them) do not absolve Christians of their duty to first address their conflicts with other Christians at the individual level.

2. Ignoring the conflict may be the worst strategy of all. Setting aside our interpersonal problems may, in the short term, appear to preserve unity and peace. But that peace is a false peace. Over the long term, unresolved conflicts will undermine and destroy a Christian fellowship and make individuals very unhealthy.

3. Following Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18:15-17 is especially difficult when the person who hurt us is a church leader or pastor. Depending on the leader’s level of emotional maturity, he may become defensive, using his position of authority to avoid and suppress the problem. In his desire to save face, he may rationalize what he is doing by saying that the problem should be sidestepped for the sake of the organization and its mission. When that happens, Jesus commands us to get other witnesses and church leaders involved. That process, I suppose, could proceed in various ways, depending on the organizational culture, but it should involve a genuine, impartial inquiry that takes the matter seriously and does not simply try to put a band-aid on it. If that process fails, then to literally follow Jesus’ instructions and “treat him as you would a pagan or tax collector” will be extremely difficult, to say the least. However, I do not see anything in Matthew chapter 18 that would exempt a church leader or pastor or give him any special treatment to help him save face when conflicts arise. The work of a pastor, by its very nature, virtually guarantees that sooner or later he will hurt people unintentionally or intentionally. It seems to me that, if you accept God’s calling to be a pastor, you must be emotionally prepared to be on the receiving end of Jesus’ commands in Matthew 18:15-17, so that when it happens you can handle it without an angry or defensive reflex and be prepared to lose face when you have done wrong.

Those are my thoughts. Now I would like to hear yours.

What do you think about Jesus’ instructions in Matthew 18:15-17? Is this the strategy that you would use to handle interpersonal conflict?

Editor’s note: Dr. John H. Armstrong is the founder and president of the ministry known as ACT3, an acronym for

My experience with UBF has been one of the great joys of my life over the last five-plus years. It began with a student in a graduate class of mine at Wheaton Graduate School. The student’s father has been a UBF leader for many years. This led to growing friendships with UBF leaders and invitations to get to know even more leaders and to speak for UBF. This created even more new friendships.

I wrote openly about these friendships with leaders and members of UBF and received quite a bit of negative feedback from unknown respondents around the world. I listened and prayed that I would be “shrewd as a snake and harmless as a dove” (Matt. 10:16, NLT). I answered each criticism and kept asking my own questions to my friends inside UBF. In the process I came to love these wonderful people, their vision and the mission that is called UBF. I believe the love that we have shared has been mutual and very beneficial. I know my life is better for knowing these dear brothers and sisters that I have met in UBF. I am open about these friendships regardless of what others might think or say. Loyalty is a high priority for me thus I am very determined to be a loyal friend to UBF.

At the same time I have been allowed to see UBF, as the saying goes, “warts and all.” Love is not blind. But true love “never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance” (1 Cor. 13:7, NLT). I have learned to interact with my UBF friends and thereby offer counsel wrapped in faith, hope and love. I have felt the same given to me in return.

I am delighted that members, and former-members, have found ways to address past hurts and to grow to new maturity in Christ. Not everything done in the past will be fully corrected in this life but Christians can work for the new day and “never give up.”

I discovered early on that one of UBF’s favorite portions of Scripture is 1 Peter 2:4–10. I have heard it prayed and quoted as much as any text within this movement. I love this text and still recall how preaching through it almost 25 years ago changed me and my congregation profoundly. We made it our goal to be the people of God in mission and to send our best into every place possible for the kingdom of God. This is how I was eventually launched into a worldwide ministry through a church that saw my gifts and gave me their blessing to use them as widely as possible.

Peter makes the point in this text that community is vitally important to Christians. UBF seems to have discovered this point very early in its history. In an individualistic culture, like that of North America, this comes as a breath of fresh air to young believers whose family life has been broken and who long for friendship, belonging and deep bonds of filial love. UBF, in my estimation has come to many such young adults as a drink of cool water on a hot and muggy day. One reason this has happened is because this very text has been so central to its mission. This, I believe, is where the Korean background of UBF contributes so deeply to the North American scene where so many families are in crisis.

Though each of us is individually converted to faith in Christ, and born of God to new life (cf. 1 Peter 1:23; 2:2), none of us is ever to remain in isolation. God has saved us for community. God’s design is to build us together “as living stones” in his “spiritual temple” (1 Peter 2:5). Whereas God inhabited a building, on Mount Zion in Jerusalem, under the Old Covenant he now resides in and among his people as a community. Think of it this way—the Triune God comes to lives in each of us! But he lives in us in order to live among US, to live in our midst, to actively share his life in our community of faith. If this were not so then why is there all the concern that we find in the New Testament letters about our oneness, about our unity and about our peace in personal relationships?

God promised to rebuild his temple (cf. Ezekiel 40–48). I believe this temple has been rebuilt through God’s dwelling among us, his New Covenant people (cf. John 1:14). We, i.e. our congregation whether large or small, constitute God’s holy temple in this age. When we join together in worship (from liturgy in the Greek, which literally refers to “the work of the people”) and minister to one another and the world we function according to God’s plan. When we function as we should we become God’s missional people, a community engaged in manifesting Christ to this age by the Holy Spirit. The New Testament refers to this as a “great mystery,” reminding us that this is a work of God.

This is why the church is (1 Peter 2:9) what Israel was, “a chosen people” (cf. Deut. 7:6), “royal priests,” “a holy nation” (cf. Exodus 19:6) and “God’s very own possession” (cf. Exodus 19:5). UBF is right to make this text so important. I love it when I hear this text recited, prayed and used so powerfully.

But with this emphasis comes a very real danger. Israel easily forgot its own calling. In some ways this is her story, forgetting who she was and what she was to be before her neighbors. She was called to proclaim God’s grace and glory to the nations but found ways to keep this truth to herself. She focused upon how she was so different from surrounding nations and prided herself in finding out the differences. She grew complacent in her distinctiveness and thus forgot her true purpose. She saw her strengths, as I put it, and lost sight of her weakness. She forgot “to show others the goodness of God” (1 Peter 2:9) and created her own forms and phrases, marks of what made her so different from those around her, and then grew comfortable that she was following God’s purpose for her in the covenant given to Abraham was to make him “a blessing to others” (Gen. 12:2).

The “holy nation” is to be a blessing to others. We are not to become a cul-de-sac where we talk to one another, learn from each other and stay close to each other without the input of the stranger and those who are part of God’s family from many corners of his kingdom. We must continue to humble ourselves before God and be reminded that we too can fall and fail. We must seek the mighty hand and heart of God for his renewing grace for each year, each month, even each day. A movement like UBF could well be a blessing to the nations for decades to come. Or it might well turn inward and promote its own distinctive insights over the good news of God’s grace for all, believing all the time that it was doing precisely what the Lord required.

If I have learned anything in six-plus decades of life and ministry, in many corners of the earth, I have learned that God desires us to never isolate ourselves from his people in order to faithfully follow him. He wants us to take what he has given to us, his love for our neighbors, to both our non-Christian neighbors and our neighbors who are brothers and sisters throughout the world. This begins in our own family, in our own community and in our own city. Who do you know and love that is really very different from you? Who do you associate with who stretches you beyond your comfort zone? Who do you share the vision of Christ’s kingdom with that is not exactly like you in the small things that we are all prone to turn into the big things because they are “our” unique contributions? UBF has a great future if it loves in this way. It has a limited future if it closes its borders to the whole people of God and promotes certain distinctive understandings of truth over the one who is Truth!