Cynicism- doubt resulting from ignorance and antiquated ways.” (1)

You were wrong

Recently, I had a difficult conversation with a friend about a misunderstanding. At the end of the conversation, he casually mentioned something along the lines of, “Wow, I had initially come to this meeting thinking that you were completely wrong, but now I see that I was also in the wrong too.” Well, that just burst my bubble and made me want to rehash the whole misunderstanding again (because it obviously was not resolved.) Yet, I held my tongue. Actually, I had been dreading the whole confrontation because when he had called me earlier about the issue, I knew from the way he phrased his words that he was sure I was wrong. He didn’t want to talk; he wanted to point out all the ways that he was right and I was wrong.

Criticism versus Cynicism 

I will admit he was right to a certain extent. (It was basically just a big misunderstanding of two decisions that I had made. He thought they were mistakes because he didn’t know the whole story.) But what ticked me off is that he wanted to meet to solely show my error. He had come with a pre-conceived agenda/idea. (Basically, I had been weighed on the scale and had been found wanting.) That, however, is not how criticism works; that’s how cynicism works. Cynicism is when one reacts out of “ignorance and old ways.” A cynic enters the conversation with a pre conceived presuppositions. Actually there are a lot of overlaps between a critique and a cynic. They may say the same things and highlight the same issues, but a cynic, to me, is anyone who already has his mind made up. He has his judgement before facing the jury. A cynic to me is one who already knows the verdict without interacting with the evidence. Cynicism is everywhere and pride/superiority is at its root.

Thankfully, after a lot of talking and a third person moderating, my friend (at the beginning) finally saw that what he had perceived as being rude and inconsiderate on my part were actually legitimate decisions I had made because he did not know the full story. He came as a cynic but left as a critic.

Cynicism versus Authenticity

In an article by Relevant entitled, Faith and the New Golden Age of Late Night TV (2) the author mentions the revolution in late night TV. He talks about the demise of Jon Stewart, Letterman, Leno and Conan. When talking about Stewart he said,

“After more than a decade on the air, he’d become a jaded insider… who often made his audience less hopeful and more angry. There were times in his final months where he no longer seemed like the funny kid at the back of the class keeping the teachers on their toes; he was now the one with a front row seat to a broken system that he realized he couldn’t fix. He seemed defeated.”

Cynicism is different from criticism and inquisitiveness. Do not misunderstand. I am not endorsing spinelessness/silence when you are prompted to speak. Neither am I saying that those who post on ubfriends are cynics.

I am writing this to point out the subtle distinction between  cynicism and criticism. My argument is against the kind of thinking that says, “I am right and everyone else is wrong.” How many times have you entered a conversation with the idea that your conversant is completely wrong and dumb? I know I have done that many times and I have been (un)pleasantly surprised. I also have been in many conversations where I was on the receiving end of a cynic. I have had to deal with those who instead of hearing my story or listening to me came to simply castigate. Instead of seeking authenticity, HOTness as Dr. Ben loves to say, cynics seek to judge/condemn. One type of criticism comes from love, while the other from a place of superiority. (Btw, it’s very obvious when one of the two thinks they are better than the other.)

A Cynic Surprised

There are two sides of this cynical coin. The relevant article finishes with this quote,

“Christianity with an edge has a price. On one end of the spectrum are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who are so concerned about preserving their own cultural values that they encourage boycotts, cultivate outrage and make Christianity into a hostile cultural force. On the other end are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who have become so fed up with influential Christian institutions, they’ve become cynical, jaded and outraged—albeit for different reasons.”

I write this not to point out that anyone is a cynic. I write this because I personally recently discovered the difference between cynicism and criticism. I want to be honest, open and transparent. I want to be authentic. I don’t want to sweep dirt under the carpet (that’s been done for the last few decades and look at the fruit it has reaped…) And yet, I also don’t want to be judgmental or condemning. I don’t want to jump to conclusions about anyone whether they are in UBF or not, whether they’re Christian or not, whether they’re heterosexual or not, Pentecostal or not, etc.

Furthermore, after writing my last article They want Christians, not Christ (3) I was pleasantly surprised. When I went back to class my Christian classmates were not as judgmental as I thought they would be, but they were intentional about being authentic. As Joe said in a comment on here, authentic community is possible, but it takes intentionality (I think he also said time and commitment.) I have a feeling that God put me in the school where I study surrounded by Christians, so that I would learn to love the Church again. It’s a hard lesson, but may I seek authenticity and not cynicism.

• http://brandinfluencegroup.com/blog/criticism-vs-cynicism/
• http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/faith-and-new-golden-age-late-night-tv
• http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/08/22/they-want-christ-not-christians/

Change your words; change your worth

In an earlier article, I mentioned how language dictates reality In this article I will talk about how words change worth. The other day, I was watching a clip about Adam Braun the author of “The Promise of a Pencil.” His book describes his personal journey of starting a “for purpose” business that has opened 200 schools around the world, and he started with only $25. In the book he says, “Change your words, change your worth.” This is why he uses the phrase “for purpose business” instead of “nonprofit.”

For Purpose Business

Once Braun was casually conversing with a business man. It was very engaging until the end of the conversation when the man asked, “So…what do you do?” Once Braun said, “I run a nonprofit…” the man zoned out and lost interest. At that moment, Braun realized that the word nonprofit was not benefiting his cause. He realized he needed to create a new term because no one describes their business/product with a “non.”   For example, no one calls a car company a “non aviation company.” Therefore, he coined the term for purpose business. We say what we are. Just as Mother Theresa would not identify with an anti-war demonstration, but she would participate in a pro-peace rally.

I’m not anti-ubf; I’m pro-Church (big C)

There has been pushback on this blog because of accusations that those who submit articles here only “bash” ubf and try to tear it down. As if the only discussion here is about how bad UBF is. One person asked, “Why is Dr. Ben still in UBF if he complains about it on ubfriends?” I’d like to counter that notion by saying that ubfriends is not anti-ubf. Quite the contrary there is discussion on this forum from both those inside UBF and outside UBF. UBF does not define a person. For example, I am associated with UBF, that’s where I go on Sundays, but my allegiance is not to UBF. My allegiance is to Christ first and foremost. I write not to destroy UBF. It doesn’t matter to me whether one stays or leaves. What matters to me is if one is growing closer to Christ or not. (And growing in Christ can take place outside of UBF.) Furthermore, it is possible to critique one’s church and still love it; it is a critique of love, not malice.

The Church (big C) is much bigger than the organization founded in the 60’s by SL and MB. The church is the entity mentioned in Daniel 2:44-45,

“In the time of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed, nor will it be left to another people. It will crush all those kingdoms and bring them to an end, but it will itself endure forever.  This is the meaning of the vision of the rock cut out of a mountain, but not by human hands—a rock that broke the iron, the bronze, the clay, the silver and the gold to pieces.a stone was cut from a mountain by no human hand.”

The Church is God’s social experiment that began 2000 years ago and spans over time, space, culture, ideologies, etc. The Church is the living body of Christ in Asia, Africa, Europe, the US and even within you and me (Luke 17:21). It is much bigger than UBF. What a privilege to be a part of the body of Christ.

To conclude

Choose your words wisely. As M. Theresa said, “As soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” She wouldn’t go to an anti-war demonstration, but she would attend a pro-peace rally. Personally, as a vegetarian, I am not anti-meat; I’m pro-broccoli. (I live in a house of meat-eaters). And as a closet feminist, I am not anti-men, I’m pro-women. I will spend my time and energy encouraging women to use their voices and speak up. Do not be defined by what you are not, but by what you are.

Are there any words, that you need to change? Are there any negative messages that others tell you or that you tell yourself? How can you make them positive? Comment Below. Share your story.