Meanwhile, enjoy this first comment from Ben (which is the 2nd comment ever on ubfriends!)

Ben Toh (2010-06-25 16:17:39)
“Hi Joe, You Be Friends is cute”

If you have ideas for the what and how and why of ubfriends, please let us know!  Thank you and have a burden-free weekend!

What? You thought this website would stay the same forever? We must protect our heritage!

Ok on a slightly more serious note, we have created a large volume of comments and articles in just over 5 years. I made an ebook of all ubfriends articles and comments–and discovered the book is over 4,700 pages long! If we published the ubfriends ebook, it would be nearly 10,000 printed pages.

How big is that? Well the Encyclopædia Britannica, short edition, is 12 volumes of about a thousand pages each–12,000 pages. That means our little-blog-that-could nearly generated an entire encyclopedia of information.

So here it is, the encyclopedia edition of ubfriends. Grab a cup of coffee, sit back and enjoy!

http://www.ubfriends.org/ubfriends-blogbook.pdf

I found this blogbook format to be useful for reading and very helpful for searching for keywords and phrases.

While we make some technology and content changes here, please share anything you would like us to know in the comments. Have our articles impacted you in a positive or negative way? What topics would you like to discuss? Do we need to continue providing an outlet for people to process the UBF lifestyle?

Steven Hassan and Brian Karcher discuss various topics from Steven’s book “Combating Cult Mind Control” and Brian’s book “Identity Snatchers”.

freedomofmind.com//Media/CCMC25.php

Steven A. Hassan, M.Ed., LMHC, NCC is a former cult member who has been educating the public about mind control and destructive cults since 1976. As a Nationally Certified Counselor (NCC) and Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), Hassan is the author three books that have received extensive praise from former cult members, families of former members, clergy, cult experts, and psychologists. Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best Selling Guide to Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults(1988, 1990, 2015), Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves(2000), and Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults & Beliefs, (2012, 2013). He also co-developed “Ending the Game”, a non-coercive curriculum designed to educate and empower commercial sex trafficking victims.

He has appeared on 60 Minutes, CNN, NPR, Good Morning America, The Today Show, Larry King Live, Oprah, Dr. Drew, Dr. Phil, and many other programs, and has been featured in People Magazine, USA Today, Newsweek, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Chicago Tribune, The Guardian, and dozens of other major publications and websites. Learn more about him and the Freedom of Mind Resource Center, Inc. at FreedomOfMind.com

Hassan – Karcher 2015 – Interview University Bible Fellowship (UBF) from Brian John Karcher on Vimeo.

Books

	Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best-Selling Guide to Protection, Rescue and Recovery from Destructive Cults
	Identity Snatchers: Exposing a Korean Campus Bible Cult

]]> http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/10/14/steven-hassan-interview/feed/ 20 http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/10/13/im-praying-for-you/ http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/10/13/im-praying-for-you/#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2015 13:16:13 +0000 http://www.ubfriends.org/?p=9684 The words haunt me. Ever since my name showed up on the Sunday announcements as someone “struggling and in need of prayers”, the words are a shower of bitterness to me. I realized this week such feelings are valid because “praying for you to change” is not a healthy prayer and has little if anything to do with Christ. How do you know the way I should act or think or feel or change? After MJ’s articles this week about right being wrong and overcoming the “I’m sorry syndrome”, I stumbled across a rather striking contradiction: When can prayer be wrong?

Red Flag: Praying for others to change

In some online discussions with former ubf members this week, I realized that prayer is taught by ubf teachers as a tool for change. We almost always exclusively prayed for the nation to change, for sheep to change, for some other country to change, for our children to change, etc. We always said “I’m praying for you” with the sentiment of “You need to change somehow”.

So many times the prayers of ubf shepherds are about pointing out sins in their sheep. How many remember sitting through a long prayer session where people prayed about your sins and how much you need to change?

Yet when did Jesus ever call a prayer meeting to change people or the nations? Do we see any evidence that Christian prayer is to be focused on changing something in other people?

I now see this kind of prayer as a red flag of spiritual abuse. If ubfers are praying for us former members to “repent” or “come back to our senses” then it is wasted effort. In the same way, if we ex-ubfers are praying for missionaries to change or to publicly repent or for ubf to be destroyed, then it is also wasted effort. Such prayers are not of Christ, in my belief.

How should we pray?

Jesus taught about prayer several times. The most famous is of course the Lord’s Prayer. How does the prayer begin?

Prayer, as Jesus taught it, is about the glory of God, not about changing people.

Prayer is about God doing his will and bringing about his kingdom, not about changing a nation to be holy.

Prayer is about raising the awareness of our collective needs, not about reminding Bible students of their sins.

Prayer is about forgiving people, not about changing people.

Prayer is about discerning God’s leading and listening for God’s voice, not about submitting to your shepherd’s ideas and plans for your life.

So the next time you hear someone at ubf “pray for you”, remember this is a red flag of cult control. This form of spiritual abuse is something that must end. Prayer is a wonderful gift, not something to be abused as a tool of manipulation.

Is sorry puppy always supposed to be sorry?

This blog post discusses the phenomena of feeling the need to constantly apologize for one’s existence. It’s when “repentance” goes overboard.

Scenario I:”You always say, ‘I’m sorry.'”

I had only been talking to him for a couple hours and he was already psychoanalyzing me. Despite the brevity of exposure, his insight into my character was uncanny. After he made that statement I tried semi-successfully weeding out those two words from my vocabulary. Since then I have continued to make an effort to stop apologizing incessantly.

Scenario II:”If you care about what people think about you stand on the right side of the room.”

And there I was, the lone participant in the survey on the right side of the room. The next question was something along the lines of “would you do something that needed to be done, even if others didn’t like you for it?” And again I shared my overwhelming desire to be liked and accepted. When the surveyor asked me why I was on the right side I answered, ‘Maybe it’s because I’m Asian and this is the way I was brought up.’ What I meant was I was always taught to obey and concede, even when I didn’t like it. Speaking up for myself was disobedience and disobedience was a sin punishable by Hell. Therefore, I must always obey. I interpreted that in my mind as I must always do what others want. I backed it up with Bible verses such as, “deny yourself,” “take up your cross,” “consider others better than yourself,” “to give is better than to receive,” etc. Somehow in my faulty exegesis I considered offending others as one of the ultimate sins.

Scenario II: Today’s ESL Class

Fast forward to today. During class, I was sweating bullets because some of my students were whipping through the material I had prepared at lightening speed and they looked bored, while other students were taking their sweet time like tortoises on a leisurely stroll. There I was stranded because I could not please all my students. Each one of my students has a different expectation of me and the fear of not meeting their expectations is what keeps me up at night. It also makes me hate the job that I initially had valued and enjoyed so much. And this scene of struggling with multi level learners has been repeating itself for my whole teaching career. This has been the toughest aspect of teaching, learning that I cannot please everyone.

If you ever taught, you know what it’s like to have constraints. You have your directors who need good test scores. And then you have parents who also desire results (or if you teach adults like I do, you have expectations for jobs and a higher salary.) And finally you have the actual students sitting in your class who have their own preferences and learning styles. In a classroom with 20 students there are so many variables for learning; this transforms the teacher, in a sense, to a juggler attempting to find the magic elixir that once imbibed will give the student the ability to have English flow from their lips as water from a faucet. I put a lot of pressure on myself for my students to succeed and it kills me. Not only that, but the old school I taught at put the blame for any failure of the student solely on the shoulders of the teacher. In the classroom, however, my spineless posture of attempting to save everyone gets me (and my students) no where.

“Get over yourself, MJ.”

Those are the words I said to myself after class today. After the 105 minutes of teaching responsibility were up I realized my fear of letting people down is not sustainable. I cannot cater my class to what my students want. I have to decide what my objectives are, how my students will reach them and how I will assess them on it. I have to make a plan backed up by my own reasons and stick with it. Then when my students disagree, which is inevitable (someone always disagrees), I have explanations. I have a degree in education and experience. I am the expert in the classroom. Yet for some reason I had been conditioned to think that owning up to my ability to teach was pride.

Ultimately it is my class and I make the rules. I do not do this out of the desire to control and dictate, but out of practicality. Nothing can be done and no goals can be reached if I’m constantly second guessing every decision I make.

I’m going to be honest, my personality is riddled with insecurity. I have always compared myself to my classmates and siblings. Am I as accomplished as them? Am I as smart? Am I as pretty? Am I as liked? Not only that, but I have always thought that to think anything positively about myself or any personal virtues was sinful because it stemmed from pride, the number one sin. But life cannot be lived like this. I am tired of being afraid and unsure all the time.

The passive-aggressive spectrum    

I don’t know if you can tell from reading this article, but I am very passive, to the point of passive aggression. In my mind I had somehow come to the conclusion that the way to respond as a Christian and a woman in any and every situation was passively. Now, thankfully I’m learning that the passive response is not the only response. I can be assertive, which means I am direct with my expectations and needs.

I am entitled to preferences and expectations. Before I viewed my role as a teacher/victim. Meaning, I have to jump through the hoops that others have set before me, but that is false. I am a person, just as my students and directors are. I am a human being and I have a voice, and I will use it unapologetically.

What are some lessons that you have learned about disobedience or humility? Do you constantly apologize even for things that are not your fault? Have you experienced a posture of constant apology to the point that it eventually became a hindrance? Do you struggle with speaking in an assertive way, which is neither passive nor aggressive?

“Many times being right is the same as being wrong.”

Acknowledgement that you do not monopolize the truth
This blog is a response to Joe’s excellent article about healthy communities. I particularly liked point #3:
“A third sign of healthy community is acknowledgment that the group’s distinctive views and values are not always right, and that in the final analysis, maintaining these distinctive is less important than learning how to love.”

Talking to those who have been burned by the church, I have noticed a pattern. People have been trampled on/ignored/ostracized/threatened because they did not agree with the doctrine of the church on an issue such as: evangelism, sexual orientation, racial issues, etc. Every time I hear a story of someone mistreated because they didn’t agree with their Pastor, it shocks me. I honestly don’t understand how that is a representation of God’s unconditional love and acceptance. I don’t understand why the church’s love always comes with strings attached. It’s as if the church has a “terms of use” page that is full of fine print, i.e. you can’t watch this show, you can’t read this author, you can’t associate yourself with those people, you can’ts do yoga etc. And years later people will take that terms of use and shove it in your face.

The difference between big “T” truth and little “t” truth 

You may say, “But MJ, it sounds like you don’t believe in objective truth. Do you believe that no one is wrong? Does that mean no one is right?”

Who is Steven Hassan?

For anyone unfamiliar with Hassan or his work, here are some highlights.

Mr. Hassan was deceptively recruited into Sun Myung Moon’s Unification Church at the age of 19, while a student at Queens College. He spent the next 27 months recruiting and indoctrinating new members, fundraising, and doing political campaigning. He personally met with Sun Myung Moon on many occasions in leadership sessions. Mr. Hassan ultimately rose to the rank of Assistant Director of the Unification Church at National Headquarters.

He is an accomplished author, counselor and respected expert in the field of undue influence and religious control. Here are his major accomplishments:

• BITE model – determining and identifying cult control
• Strategic Interactive Approach – addressing cult control
• Ending the Game – program for educating sex trafficking victims
• Lectures – given at Harvard University, U.C.L.A., Yale University, Stanford University, John Hopkins University, M.I.T, Hong Kong University, American Psychological Association Convention (2001), American Psychological Association Eastern Regional Convention (2001), The American Counseling Association National Convention, The American Bar Association’s Conference on Tort and Religion
• Media coverage – With almost 40 years of cult awareness activism, Hassan’s insightful perspective and expert commentary have made him the definitive source for hundreds of national and international media outlets including: 60 Minutes, CNN, Fox News, Good Morning America, Larry King Live, Los Angeles Times, New York Times, Newsweek, Night Line, NPR, Oprah Winfrey Show, The O’Reilly Factor, The Today Show, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and Washington Post.
• Freedom of Mind Resource Center Inc. – founded by Hassan, it is a consulting and publishing organization dedicated to helping people to become psychologically empowered, upholding human rights, promoting consumer awareness and exposing abuses of destructive cult groups.

Rooted in the Best

The praise for Hassan’s work is lengthy. Here is what the late Dr. Singer had to say about his book Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best Selling Guide To Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults. 

“…A major contribution…For the first time, a skilled and ethical exit counselor has spelled out the details of the complicated yet understandable process of helping free a human being from the bondage of mental manipulation…..Steven Hassan has written a ‘how to do something about it’ book.”

–Margaret Singer, Ph.D., Department of Psychology, University of California, Berkeley

Telling his own story

The book begins with a look into Hassan’s life as a college student being recruited into the Moonie organization. For me this was both difficult and fascinating to read. It was as if I was stepping back in time, back to 1987 in my own life and my own recruitment into a different Korean Bible organization. It was uncanny how much of what Hassan told of his own story mirrored my experience.

Affirming the current problem

Hassan does a really good job in this 25th anniversary edition of explaining how and why his work is so much needed. The number of cults in America has not dwindled, but in fact has exploded. The sad aspect, as Hassan recounts it, is that many do not know the Moonies or think they are no longer active. Most of the public does not remember Jonestown. This book was eye-opening.

Telling other’s stories

Hassan moves on to tell a few survivor stories. These also brought back memories for me, but not as much as Hassan’s own story. This is because there are many types of cults, and the Korean Bible groups like the Unification Church and UBF are unique in their undue influence. Hassan places a lot of weight on former member stories, especially those of longtime insiders.

Solutions, help and hope

Hassan spends at least half the book telling about how to find help, how to approach loved ones and giving solutions both practical and spiritual in nature. Hassan himself is Jewish, and regained his faith after leaving the Moon group. This was important to me, as I determined not to lose my Christian faith after leaving UBF.

In short, all UBF people really should read Combating Cult Mind Control: The #1 Best Selling Guide To Protection, Rescue, and Recovery from Destructive Cults. 

As Hassan suggests, please read his book as if he is talking about a group you know is a cult, like ISIS. Then re-read it a second time, questioning whether you are in a cult or not. This second reading often tells people they are not in a cult.

Other ubfriends articles on Hassan’s work:

Book Review: Freedom of Mind

The BITE Model

Born in 1928 as the son of a high-ranking official in the Canadian government, Vanier traveled the world and served in the Royal Navy. Sensing that there must be something more to life, he resigned from his naval commission in 1950 to study theology and philosophy, eventually completing a Ph.D. at the Catholic University of Paris. Through his friendship with a Catholic priest, he renewed his faith in God and became deeply concerned about the plight of people with intellectual disabilities. In 1964, Vanier invited two disabled men to leave their institutions and move into his home. This led to the establishment of L’Arche (“The Ark”), a worldwide federation of residential communities where people with intellectual disabilities live, pray and worship together with caregivers in an atmosphere of friendship, mutuality and inclusion. Although L’Arche was founded as a Christian organization, the communities are open and welcoming to people of all religious beliefs. Vanier has studied, taught, and written extensively on topics related to faith, disability and community. He became a close friend and mentor to the late Christian author Henri Nouwen (1932-1996), who resided at a L’Arche community in Ontario, Canada for the last ten years of his life. In recognition of Vanier’s influence and achievements, he was awarded the Templeton Prize in 2015. (Previous winners of the Templeton Prize include Billy Graham and Mother Teresa of Calcutta.)

For decades, Vanier studied the inner workings of communities (especially religious ones) throughout the world. He learned what makes communities thrive and what causes them to fail. In his international bestseller Becoming Human (1998), he describes the enormous role that community plays in human development. Community is not the same thing as society. Society is where we earn a living, but community is where we experience belonging. Community is where we grow into full fledged human beings.

Belonging is important for our growth to independence; even further, it is important for our growth to inner freedom and maturity. It is only through belonging that we can break out of the shell of individualism and self-centeredness that both protects and isolates us…

(Becoming Human, Kindle edition, p. 35). If a community is healthy, it provides the structure and security that foster personal growth. But communities can also be unhealthy. They can appeal to the dark, egotistic parts of human nature and sow conflict and discord throughout the world. Vanier continues:

However, the human drive for belonging also has its pitfalls. There is an innate need in our hearts to identify with a group, both for protection and for security, to discover and affirm our identity, and to use the group to prove our worthiness and goodness, indeed, even to prove that we are better than others. It is my belief that it is not religion or culture at the root of human conflict but the way in which groups use religion or culture to dominate one another. Let me hasten to add that if it were not religion or culture that people used as a stick with which to beat others, they would just use something else (p. 36).

In Vanier’s understanding, the key difference between healthy and unhealthy community is this: An unhealthy community turns inward and develops a superiority complex. A healthy community recognizes that it is only a small part of the human race and fosters a sense of interdependence with the rest of humanity.

A group is the manifestation of this need to belong. A group can, however, close in on itself, believing that it is superior to others. But my vision is that belonging should be at the heart of a fundamental discovery: that we all belong to a common humanity, the human race. We may be rooted in a specific family and culture but we come to this earth to open up to others, to serve them and receive the gifts they bring to us, as well as to all of humanity (p. 36).

Vanier writes from an international perspective. He knows that Western people tend to be individualistic, and Easterners tend toward collectivism. Having seen the strengths and weaknesses of groups operating in diverse cultures, he is constantly aware of the delicate balance that must be struck between limiting personal freedom for the good of the community and preserving the dignity and uniqueness of the individual. He is also keenly attuned to the inequalities that exist in our fallen world, where the strong usually dominate the weak. In healthy community, each person knows he is both strong and weak; understanding and accepting their individual limitations is a key part of what gives community members a sense of belonging.

In Chapter II (“Belonging”) Vanier lists four signs of communities that are healthy. The first sign of a healthy community is that it treats all of its members, including the weakest and most vulnerable, with respect, seeing them all as equally important, and deliberately includes everyone in decisionmaking.

In healthy belonging, we have respect for one another. We work together, cooperate in a healthy way, listen to each other. We learn how to resolve the conflicts that arise when one person seeks to dominate another. In a true state of belonging, those who have less conventional knowledge, who are seemingly powerless, who have different capacities, are respected and listened to. In such a place of belonging, if it is a good place, power is not imposed from on high, but all members seek to work together as a body. The implication is that we see each other as persons and not just as cogs in a machine. We open up and interact with each other so that all can participate in the making of decisions (p. 58).

In Old Testament times, most of the Jewish people had a deep sense of belonging. But through the prophets, God rebuked them for ignoring the poor, weak and disadvantaged in their midst, for treating them as less-than-full members of God’s family (Isaiah 58:6-7).

The second sign of healthy community is that it values differences of opinion and promotes dialogue. Vanier has sharp words for communities that enforce and manipulate.

The second sign of healthy belonging is the way a group humbly lives its mission of service to others. It does not use or manipulate others for its own aggrandizement. It does not impose its vision on others but instead prefers to listen to what they are saying and living, to see in them all that is positive. It helps others to make their own decisions; it empowers them. When a community is closed and fearful of true dialogue where each person is respected, it is a sign of death not of life (p. 60).

A third sign of healthy community is acknowledgment that the group’s distinctive views and values are not always right, and that in the final analysis, maintaining these distinctives is less important than learning how to love.

As we begin to see others’ gifts, we move out from behind the walls of certitude that have closed us up… A few centuries ago, different Christian churches were fighting each other. Their theologies were calculated to prove that one was right and the other wrong. Today, instead of seeing what might separate us, whether as churches or cultures, we are instead seeing what unites us. We are beginning to see each other’s gifts and to appreciate them and to realize that the important thing for each one of us is to grow in love and give of ourselves (pp. 60-61).

Finally, the fourth sign of healthy community is openly admitting its mistakes and reforming itself with advice from the outside.

Fourth, it is a healthy sign when a group seeks to evolve and to recognize the errors of the past, to recognize its own flaws, and to seek the help of experienced people from outside the group in order to be more true and loving, more respectful of difference, more listening and open to the way authority is exercised. The group that refuses to admit its own errors or seek the wisdom of others risks closing itself up behind walls of “superiority” (p. 61).

In conclusion, healthy communities are where people experience God’s goodness and become well formed human beings.

Groups that develop with these four signs are, to my mind, healthy groups; they are helping their members to break free of the egotism inherent in us all and to grow towards greater maturity and inner freedom. They are discovering our common humanity, allowing us to be ourselves, intertwined with each other, receiving and giving life from one another. Do we not all share the same earth and sky? Are they not for us as we are for them? We all belong to each other, we are all for each other. God, too, is for us as we are for God. We are called to grow in order to become fully ourselves and fully alive, to receive from others, and to give to others, not being held back by fears, prejudices, or feelings of superiority or inferiority (p. 61).

A “Person of Peace” And The Family

“I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now.” (Phil 1:3-4, NIV)

Paul wrote this letter to the Philippian believers around 62 A.D. while he was in prison in Rome. He was so happy about their partnership in the Gospel. He opens his letter with these words to them;

“Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus, To all God’s holy people in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons: 2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:1-6, NIV)

Philippi was a Roman colony in Macedonia. There were not many open doors for ministry in Philippi for there were few Jews there, and no synagogue. But God opened door there and into all of Europe. Acts 16:11-40 describes how Paul pioneered the church in Philippi. Paul met Lydia who accepted Jesus and opened her house to Paul and those with him. Paul met with the brothers there and encouraged them. A jailer and his whole family accepted the gospel and were baptized as believers. They were the first in Europe to join with Paul in propagating the Gospel. The Philippians remembered and supported Paul in his gospel ministry from the time he left them. Paul thanked God for their wonderful partnership. They continue to be his most faithful supporters in so many ways. When Paul remembered them, his heart was filled with joy and he honestly felt that it was a privilege to have them as partners in the gospel along with him.

In Acts 16:11-40, we can see three components of mission that are needed for every mission to be effective. We find Paul and his missionary team preaching the Gospel in a new community. We see Lydia and the jailor. They are converts. The jailer’s family all accepted the Gospel. They are the ones who invited Paul and his mission team into their homes. They are the ones that introduced Paul to their friends and neighbors. A new Gentile Christian church could be established because God worked in the hearts of these people, the first believers. Maybe Lydia or the jailor, were a “person of peace” and the other an “ancestor of faith”. We also see families. Paul did not have a family, but we see Lydia, who may have had one and the jailor who did. All of these are partners in the Gospel, vital components in forming this new church plant in Philippi and making inroads into Europe.

Part 1: Introduction

In this series we are investigating the different components of a successful missionary endeavor. In the development of a mission, there are not just missionaries. There are other missional entities, which partner in unison, to allow the body of Christ to thrive. God desires for all of them to work together. The important thing is to recognize these parts of the body and nurture working relationships with them as we live as missionaries. Anything less is neglecting part of the body of Christ and hindering the work of the missionary.

I propose that the most fruitful path to embark on, as missionaries, is nurturing solid relationships with six missional entities, all of which are part of the body of Christ.

1. Relationships with… a sending church
2. Relationships with… a mission agency
3. Relationships with… a receiving church
4. Relationships with… a missionary team
5. Relationships with… a “person of peace”
6. Relationships with… the family

This paper will define the six areas of relationship building. Our own family experience as a house church will be reflected upon. The things learned from the current mission to the Canada will added. There will also be some advice on how to nurture the relationships in the six areas.

The first part dealt with the necessity of nurturing relationships with a sending church and a mission agency. This second dealt with relationships with a receiving church and a missionary team. This third part will expound on the relationships with a person of peace and the family. The point of all this is to share about some ways that missionaries can be strengthened as they follow Jesus. Let’s see.

Part 2: Nurture A Relationship With A “Person Of Peace.”

A “person of peace” is one who is able to invite the missionary into a community. In the cross cultural setting, the missionary is the outsider. They are the minority. They may not even have a means of entering a community, without an invitation from an insider. Successful missionaries wait for God to send a person of peace to invite them into a community in order to serve the Gospel mission among the people.

With no “person of peace”, there is little hope in establishing a thriving Christian community among a particular people group. There is the heavy burden of being a constant outsider. There is always a long range prayer that someone, within the community, would come alongside the mission. But that may take years, decades, if it ever happens at all.

A person who is sort of a “person of peace”, but not really….is what my previous ministry called an “Abraham of faith.” Missionaries pray and pray for an “Abraham of faith”. This person is the first native convert that answers to same call of God which the missionaries have answered. They share in the same vision and mission as they come alongside the missionaries in a life of service with them.

Without a person of peace, sent by God, missionaries lay unreal expectations on their ancestor of faith, and other Bible students. Such a person is loaded with hopes and expectations by the missionaries, to help the missionaries navigate within the culture and invite native believers into church. Their plan might be to send a native Bible student to the community to make friends with the people and then the missionary would take over the discipleship. It is like a disciple assembly line. Though many hopes are laid up them, the converts might not function as a “person of peace.” They are a convert, yes. They may participate in ministry, yes. But they may not be able to penetrate a culture as the missionaries hope. They may operate outside the culture, for years with the missionaries. It is important not to lay hopes and our own expectations on those whom God sends. Bill Mills and Craig Parro of Leadership Resources International say it well,

“It is not only our dreams that cause us to be vulnerable and to give up in the ministry. The dreams of others also bring us great pressure. Many of our pastors are losing heart because they are not measuring up to the expectations of their people. Following Jesus’ ministry lifestyle of “wanting to see what God is doing” and entering into His eternal work is our greatest protection from burning out under the expectations of those whom God has given us in ministry.” (Finishing Well In Life And Ministry. Bill Mills and Craig Parro. Leadership Resources International. 2008-6^th printing. p. 240)

“I have heard from many pastors of small churches who find it very difficult to attend their denominational meetings or even to meet with a small group of fellow pastors. Rather than being built up and encouraged, these times often cause them to loose heart. It seems that there is no possibility any more for a small church to be healthy and have substantial ministry, for the pastors are sent the message, ‘If your church is not growing numerically, there is something wrong with you and your methods. If you are doing it right, your church will grow.” In North America we are future-oriented pragmatists who are committed to progress and who expect growth. We are convinced that “if we do these things that are proven to work, then we will achieve the success we desire.” However, God does not fit into that mindset. As we have seen in other places in our study, many pastors are losing their ability to endure under these pressures to produce.” (Finishing Well In Life And Ministry. Bill Mills and Craig Parro. Leadership Resources International. 2008-6^th printing. Page 241.)

It is so difficult to engage in cross cultural ministry without a “person of peace.” In one northern Canadian community I heard of a missionary family who built a house church across the lake from a First Nation community. They were not in the community. They tried to minister for a while, but eventually stopped. They were always on the outside of the culture. It is doubtful that fruitful long-term mission can be established without a “person of peace”, for the ministry will always be operating on the periphery of the culture.

We never had a person of peace to invite us into the culture of the campus. We were happy if we had a house close to the campus to live in and minister out of. We would begin a ministry among the students without an invitation into the community. We simply moved to a town and regularly went to campus to invite students to study the Bible. If they accepted the invitation to 1:1 Bible study…great! If not, then we would move on. I never thought we needed a person of peace to invite us into the campus community. This had significant repercussions in the success of our mission.

I was content to carry out my mission, without a “person of peace” for fourteen years. We had a faithful Bible student who became a faithful friend and fellow worker in our mission, for a while. After she left, there were a few other Bible students, but none were the “person of peace” that we needed. As a result, we were constantly operating on the periphery of the campus culture for fourteen years. In the end, I can say that I never did become part of the campus community, not even the campus Christian community. I was operating on the outside of the culture, never making lasting inroads into the community we were called to serve.

Without a “person of peace” and being a single family house church, ours was a lonely mission. There was always a looming sense of failure, for we were always wondering why we couldn’t become established in the campus culture. We spent 14 years pondering how to better serve as a campus ministry, but it just didn’t happen, mainly because we didn’t have a close relationship with a “person of peace”, inviting us in. What we needed was a Christian who was an insider to the campus culture, to introduce us and support our work. That person might have been, possibly a Christian professor or a Christian leader on campus or a Christian worker on the campus. I am not sure. But one thing I know, that person would have been heaven sent.

Recently, a retired Baptist pastor asked me, “How do you find this person of peace?” I came to the conclusion that it is really a divine event. That person must be established and introduced by God himself. There is no way that we can find such a person on our own. We must pray, depend on God and keep our eyes open. In this way all the glory goes to God, and not to our own strategies and human efforts.

In the mission, I am now involved in, a “person of peace” literally made an impassioned plea for missionaries, to our receiving church, two weeks before we first made contact in the region! It was obvious to all that this was the hand of God for God’s fingerprints were all over it. All people involved in the mission, were in agreement and together we proclaimed, “Amen!” for God had sent a “person of peace” to invite the missionaries into one community. Each community that the missionaries hope to serve with the Gospel will require a “person of peace.”

In order to find God’s “person of peace” missionaries and sending churches need to acknowledge the need for one. They need to pray and build relationships with a receiving church until God sends that person who can invite the missionary into the community they pray for. Don’t stop until it happens. Don’t be content with just finding a faithful Bible student or church attendant. Pray for a “person of peace.” And when God sends that person of peace, nurture that relationship for they are a gift from God. And remember to keep your eyes open for the next “person of peace” opening the way for the next community.

Nurturing the relationships with that person of peace, and even with an ancestor of faith, involves grace, respect and shared authority. Missionaries must include them in ministry decisions. They can not just be there to “rubber stamp” the missionaries’ ideas. They must know that they are an integral part of the mission, and not someone who is being exploited to only further the missionaries’ agenda. They need to be consulted on strategy and their suggestions taken seriously, for God sent them to the mission for a reason. Paternalism will never work when nurturing a relationship with the person of peace or an ancestor of faith.

Part 3: A Missionary Must Nurture Relationships With Their Family.

I have heard it said that a person’s ministry can only go as far as their marriage. God wants to reveal his glory through our family. He wants to reveal his grace, mercy, hope and truth through the family. Even if people don’t listen to the gospel, they can see the Gospel lived out among our family members.

I must confess that I did not spend the time and effort that I should have developing the relationships with my family members. Over the 14 years as a pastor of a “single family” house church, I was just barreling forward with the mission, trusting that the family thing would take care of itself. Julie and I are celebrating our 23^rd year of marriage this year. Our kids are relating to us. We are a family. We love each other. But we never directly focused on marriage development. It was all ministry activities, every day. We didn’t have the support and counsel of a local receiving church. We had occasional talks with the pastor of our sending church. We never went to marriage retreats. We never really talked about family things. We simply remained true to our mission. Mission took precedence over family. We called each other co-worker and our family a house church. We felt that as long as we remained true to our mission everything else would fall into place. We also benefited from our Catholic upbringing that emphasized staying married no matter what. There was also the example of people in our church organization who remained married. Though there have been some hard times, God blessed us over the last 23 years.

There is a temptation, among missionaries, to treat their kids as though they already believe in Jesus and as if they accept the mission as their own. I thought this way. I pushed the kids to engage in Bible study and keep the Sunday worship service going each and every week. I was proud that my kids could set up and run a Sunday service all by themselves if they needed. But the kids may not even believe in Jesus. The pushing of the kids to make ministry happen, may turn them off from wanting to come to Jesus. It is also hard to have a Sunday service when there is an unwilling atmosphere in the room. Pushing the kids will make the parents into authoritarian leaders, for without pushing the kids, the ministry probably would not stand. The kids may never want to part of what the parents are doing. The ministry runs the risk of being a one generation ministry.

After 26 years as a shepherd and Bible teacher, one would think that I would be a wonderful counselor. But this is not true. I learned to teach and preach, but not counsel wisely. I am really handicapped at talking to those closest to me. I never focused on nurturing familial relationships. But it is never too late to start, is it? Missionaries, in a cross cultural mission, must nurture relationships with their family members.

The family relationship must be developed. One of the best ways to nurture that relationship is to pray with one another regularly. Take time out to study God’s word together. Serve in the church together. Talk to one another. Look at Ephesians 5:22-33 as Paul talks about the relationship between husband and wife.

“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (ESV)

The relationship with the kids is important. In a mission, the ideal is for the kids to host visitors and minister with the parents. They can sing, pray, lead the youth group, and a whole host of things. But if the kids don’t want to be part of the mission, it is very difficult serve in a cross cultural context. What happens when the kids don’t want visitors to come over? When they express their dislikes for some people? What about when they remain quiet, held up in their rooms, simply waiting to leave the home? A lot of such things can be avoided if the relationship with the kids is nurtured well. Paul comments on this too in Ephesians 6:1-4…

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ² “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), ³ “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” ⁴ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (ESV)

The kids need to be met where they are at with the Lord, and not imposed with unreal demands to serve the ministry, just because the parents have a calling. The kids need to be respected, encouraged and talked to and ministered to according to where they are with the Lord. This will mean a deviation in ministry goals for the single missionary family. It could mean allowing the kids to fellowship with a receiving church. Pray for God’s wisdom.

One missionary asked me, “How is your church strengthening families?” I would say that the family culture is what is different. In the last three years there was one marriage conference. There has been two, “eight session” small group encounters. Putting the priority on marriage is not formally preached all of the time. But the church culture promotes it. There are no guilty feelings about missing a Sunday worship service or taking a vacation. Parents are putting their family first and mission after family as God allows and talking about it freely. The phrase, “being too family centered” is never spoken. The words co-worker and housechuch, when referring to family, are never spoken. People take family vacations. Family is highly honored. And the kids enjoy being in church. There is multigenerational worship and marriages.

In nurturing relationships with the family, I would say “work at it.” Be intentional. Embrace awkwardness. Enter into honest conversations and prayer together as a family. Keep the oneness in your marriage a top priority. Acknowledge that God himself brought you together for a purpose. Open your eyes to see how God is leading your family specifically. There are doors open around you, specifically for you and your family.

Part 4: Conclusion

As missionaries engage in mission, they need to nurture relationship with a “person of peace” and with their family. Without a strong relationship with a person of peace, the mission will always operate on the outside of the culture and community that the missionaries are praying to serve. They will have a sense of failure in their hearts and make unreal demands and expectations on their family and Bible students that God sends. They must pray and keep their eyes open and enter into partnerships with the person of peace, and not just exploitive relationships to advance the mission. With a person of peace the missionaries can penetrate the culture and build a mission serves the people they pray for. Missionaries must also nurture relationships with the family. They can only go as far as the family relationships go. The marriage relationship must be worked on with determination. With a family they can have longevity and be a great Gospel witness among the people they are called to serve.

This far we have reviewed all six missional entities that missionaries must nurture relationships with in order to serve their mission well. They are…

1. Relationships with… a sending church
2. Relationships with… a mission agency
3. Relationships with… a receiving church
4. Relationships with… a missionary team
5. Relationships with… a “person of peace”
6. Relationships with… the family

A concluding, Part 4, will be written to tie everything together and include even some quotes from responses made. God bless.

Have I committed the unforgivable sin?

Jumping to application, failure to explain current fulfillment and too many points. Though I am not able to make all of the corrective changes, I thank Gajanan and MJ for their insightful, useful and helpful critique on True Believers from Isaiah 19: I “jumped to practical application” before adequate hermeneutics and exegesis, and I did not explain how the prophecy regarding Egypt is being fulfilled. TBT, I did not because I do not know! MJ and her sister also pointed out that my preached sermon last Sunday had too many points, since I do not like to leave anything out. I want to seriously consider these critiques and be conscious of them, though, to be honest, I will likely continue to fail!

God’s people ignoring reality as though everything is fine. This is my paraphrase of what Isaiah says is the unforgivable sin. The day of God’s judgment is coming upon Jerusalem (Isa 22:5). God calls for them “to weep and to wail, to tear out your hair and put on sackcloth” (Isa 22:12). God desires that they seriously consider the error of their ways. But instead, “there is joy and revelry, slaughtering of cattle and killing of sheep, eating of meat and drinking of wine! ‘Let us eat and drink,’ you say, ‘for tomorrow we die!’” (Isa 22:13) As a result of their nonchalance, the Lord Almighty revealed to Isaiah, saying, “Till your dying day this sin will not be atoned for” (Isa 22:14). This is surely the worst statement that anyone can possibly hear from God. Interestingly, this was not declared to all the godless nations around Judah (Philistia to the west, Moab to the east, Syria to the north, Egypt to the south, or even to arrogant Babylon and Assyria), but to God’s very own chosen people in Jerusalem!

Seemingly not that hard to do. It was rather surprising to me to realize that it is not that difficult to commit the unatonable, unpardonable and unforgivable sin, even by God’s own chosen people: Just ignore the reality and live as though everything is fine!

Isn’t it too easy to just ignore or refuse to face reality? I used to think that only non-Christians commit the unforgivable sin. Thus, we Christians are “not that bad” and basically OK. But are we, really? Don’t we also have offensive and glaring blind spots? Aren’t we also self-righteous, proud and condescending toward others? Aren’t we also defensive and refuse to be accountable when our errors and sins are pointed out? Don’t we also ignore reality with blinders on as though everything is just fine?

Orthodoxy is Gk Chesterton’s account of his journey from secularism to Christianity. It reminds me of a doctoral student explaining his dissertation to someone who is not an expert. For brevity the student will skip vast amount of details to give the main overview. To the uninitiated or poorly informed this is always quite jarring. At the end you find yourself in agreement, but barely understand what happened. Most of the arguments in Orthodoxy are the same way. He speeds though arguments, making tangents that don’t make any sense until his vision is complete. Anything even remotely in his style would be met with only the most puzzled of looks and side comments about how it wasn’t about Jesus. The whole effect is dizzying.

Chesterton’s view of the world, his vision that seems ancient in scope, transmodern in approach shines through the pages like sun into a dark room. Too much of modern Christianity today is compartmentalized into trite slogans that at best offer nothing and at worst demeans Christ. Rationalism and science seem to point away from Christianity, but we find Chesterton taking the view that rationalism and science have inaccurately become unquestionable, yet have extended beyond what they can accomplish. They are false idols and page after page he makes the point that if rationalism is what you want; suicide is what you will have. This was in stark contrast to what I had been taught. Romanticism taught me there was more, but not where it might be found. The church told me that it was best not think about such things and just have more faith. Chesterton taught me to think about such things and see that they are not what they seem to be.

Chesterton taught me that following Jesus is more than acting a certain way; it’s more than believing certain things; it is even more than loving certain things. Christianity is about seeing things a certain way. It is about seeing the world the way God sees the world, not as something to be marched against but as something to be a steward of. Perhaps God wants us to delight in Him, as he delights in his creation. God used Chesterton in a way that made me realize the Joy of God. He taught me that we must love the world without being worldly. “The point is not that this world is too sad to love or too glad not to love; the point is that when you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more…Man is more himself, more manlike, when joy is the fundamental thing and grief superficial.” Perhaps that’s why I can’t take these UBF people seriously when they reduce the gospel into a straight command to make disciples. I have learned too much, seen too much to be tricked by such an illusion. For one who has found a well spring of water can stop trying to squeeze moisture from his sweaty clothes. Chesterton never did a one of one bible study with me, but he has taught me more about God than anyone ever has. He has shown me Christ more clearly than any one to one bible study ever could.

“No one doubts that an ordinary man can get on with this world: but we demand not strength enough to get on with it, but strength enough to get it on. Can he hate it enough to change it, and yet love it enough to think it worth changing? Can he look up at its colossal good without once feeling acquiescence? Can he look up at its colossal evil without once feeling despair? Can he, in short, be at once not only a pessimist and an optimist, but a fanatical pessimist and a fanatical optimist? Is he enough of a pagan to die for the world, and enough of a Christian to die to it? In this combination, I maintain, it is the rational optimist who fails, the irrational optimist who succeeds. He is ready to smash the whole universe for the sake of itself.”

Here is the book for free online
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/16769/16769-h/16769-h.htm

Forestsfailyou

“Dear UBF, I am your worst nightmare”

ABOUT ME

Born in Chicago, and Son to Korean missionaries, I lived within the UBF system from birth to high school graduation.  I’ve had a taste of the Large UBF church through my time at the TOLEDO UBF as well as was the 5 small house churches my parents created throughout the US.

While growing up, every day was dedicated the UBF: bible study, testimony writing, orchestra practice, daily bread, sunday services, VBS, conferences, play practice, etc.  Like many have stated before, I have had horrible experiences with the UBF.  The clear hypocrisies and criminal negligence shown was disgusting (I will detail everything through my later parts).

WHY I AM HERE | WHY I AM DIFFERENT

Although I could easily move on with my life I realized I would be doing a disservice to all the children that are still stuck in this disgusting system.  Thus, I am hear to send a message and warning to the UBF, although unlike others in the past, I have no intentions to help you, pray for you, or to come to some kind of biblical euphoric message that we can all “learn and grow from”.  I am here to Expose you to the masses like no one has EVER done before.  This operation will not happen overnight.  This will take a few years realistically, but it will be done.  You will be the our generations Catholic church and Scientology.

Many people may call the UBF a cult, but really you guys are just a business.  And just like any business, you don’t care unless you HAVE to care AKA you don’t care unless it hurts your financial “bottom line.”   The ubf is built upon the foundation of the old school Korean male ego.  Unfortunately for you, that in itself is why you guys will ultimately be exposed and there is nothing you can do to cover your tracks.

In the past you have been successful at avoiding attempts like me through threatening legal action, intimidating loved ones etc.  But ubf, I no longer am a kid – I am a 31 year old well educated man, own a lucrative business, have powerful lawyers, no current family relationships, have famous friends with Millions of social media followers, and absolutely no filter.  Everything you have thought I have already thought of.  Everything you will try to threaten me with I have already prepped with my lawyers.  I could care less what you respond or do, you keep playing checkers while I play chess.  UBF, I am your boogeyman – I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.

It is not coincidence that SAMUEL LEE, your disgusted & criminal Beloved Leader you still celebrate, burned to death in a fire, it is KARMA that he received for all of the horrible things he did.

Just like the well known “Anonymous” Group says :

WE DO NOT FORGIVE. WE DO NOT FORGET. WE ARE LEGION.  EXPECT US.

A MESSAGE TO THOSE IN PAIN

To all those reading this I want to let you know that finally it’s time to receive some closure.  To those that were hurt by the UBF, I will be your ambassador and voice to heal your broken hearts and bring back justice.  I recommend all those to create profiles on here and contribute to the community while I continue my efforts on Operation #exposeUBF.

If you question whether you should help or what you can do I dare you to read this famous Speech…

“To those who can hear me, I say – do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed – the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. …..

Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men – machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate – the unloved and the unnatural! Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!”

Huffington Post

BK recently submitted an article about Trump and Evangelicals. And it made a lot of sense. But what doesn’t make sense is how much media coverage Trump is getting. He pretty much is the laughing stock of the nations. How is it that a beauty pageant organizer/reality tv star/real estate agent is running for US president? He has no political experience. And yet he has gotten so far in running. Like BK said it’s because he’s all about money and that’s what people value most.

Moreover as Chris accurately diagnosed, Trump is a populist politician. There have been many in every country like Le Pen and Zhirinovsky. This is all true and yet, Trump is the one we choose to talk about. I shamefully confess that out of all the presidential candidates, I’ve read the most about Trump. Our society, myself included, chooses sensation over sense.

$85 Million Net Worth

There is another certain American celebrity who get way more media coverage than she deserves. Her net worth is $85 million. What does she contribute to society? Absolutely nothing, except pictures of her behind that break the internet. I am not even going to write her name here because I don’t feel it’s worth any attention. She does squelch and yet she walks into a restaurant and it’s worth increases astronomically overnight.This is because she works the system. She knows what people value: sensation over sense.

The Sexy Life Syndrome

I’ve been thinking about this phenomena and I’ve coined it the “Sexy Life Syndrome.” I got the idea after reading the first chapter of Ramit Sethi’s book, I will teach you to be Rich. At the beginning of his book he asks, would you rather be rich or sexy? People want the sexy life of risky investments and get rich quick plans. People desire the sensational stories of rags to riches overnight. This is the allure of gambling and lottery tickets.

But Sethi’s argument is that getting rich is about making boring and safe financial decisions and sticking with them consistently for 30 years. Budgeting isn’t sexy, but it get’s results. Our society values the “sexy life,” but not the consistent “raise the children/trade in the sports car for the mini van” life.

Media and Society

Now, I feel there is a need for me to preface my view point. There are always brimstone and fire preachers who warn us of the impending doom coming to our depraved Sodom and Gomorrah-esque society. I’m talking about the ones who say, “In my day we never did what the young kids nowadays are doing…” I never understand people who talk like that. I guess that people remember only what they want to remember. (As if there was a time period in human history where there was no sin).

Anyway, my point is not that our society is messed up beyond repair. My opinion is quite the opposite. We do have a society that values sensation over sense. Yes, our society is largely reactionary. And yes, our emotions are constantly hijacked, especially with the onslaught of the internet and ridiculous stories. Admittedly, media portrays what society values. (Presidential Candidates show what Americans want i.e. money). Media is a mirror of our Society, but Society also controls Media.

I don’t think consumers, the lay man sitting on his couch watching tv after work, realizes his power. Media runs on public ratings, and if people value things worth valuing like: acts of kindness and peace making policies (and politicians who are actually contributing positively) media would change.I’m not naive about what’s going on in the world (believe me I’ve seen a lot of ugly in my life) and I’m not a proponent of hiding your head in the sand or sweeping dirt under the carpet.

But what I do suggest is shedding light on Presidential Candidates who are doing something. Or focusing on Christian leaders who are building up the Church. Don’t let your time, energy and life be sucked into the black hole of sensational stories i.e. fb, youtube clips, pinterest, theological debates that never end, etc. (Ok, that’s enough preaching).

The Thermometer versus the Thermos

The sensible life is possible, but it takes intention and discipline. My mother once told me about the difference between being a cultural thermometer or a thermos. A thermometer reads the temperature. A thermos determines the temperature. Thermometers are passive. Thermoses are active. It’s your choice.

You decide: sensation or sense.

Do you notice a lot of sensation in the media? Do you think there are stories that need to be told, but are not told? Who are the unsung heroes in your immediate circle? What does it mean to be a cultural thermometer to you? Are there any Presidential candidates you think positively of?

Historically, Egypt has been the enslavers of God’s people and their most memorable adversary. But one day they will be converted, transformed, saved and become the people of God together with Israel. They will display evidences of true believers, such as:

• the fear of God (Isa 19:16-17),
• pledging allegiance to God (Isa 19:18),
• relating all of life to God (Isa 19:19-22),
• being united with those who are unlike them (Isa 19:23), and
• regarding all others as equals (Isa 19:24-25).

Fear God (Isa 19:16-17). The fear of God is the beginning of knowledge (Prov 1:7). The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom (Prov 9:10). People might generally prefer the love of God to the fear of God. I probably do as well. But I contend that to fear God is not to live in fear as commonly understood, but to live in awe and respect for what the Almighty will do (Isa 19:16-17). Also, I’ve found that when I fear God, I do not fear anyone else (Prov 29:25). Not fearing people does not mean that I become belligerent or disrespectful. It simply means that I acknowledge that my life is entirely in God’s hands, and in not the hands of other people. During Isaiah’s time, everyone lived and behaved as though the world was in the hands of Assyria, the superpower nation of the day (Isa 10:12-14). It is also why an important major theme of Isaiah is to not to trust mere humans (your leaders and shepherds!), but to calmly and confidently trust God alone (Isa 7:4a, 9b). Jesus practiced what Isaiah taught (Jn 2:24-25).

Pledge allegiance to the God of Israel and learn their language (Isa 19:18). To put this in contemporary context, it is like Americans submitting to Koreans and speaking “Konglish,” or Koreans submitting to Filipinos and speaking Tagalog instead of Korean. Some might prefer death to such subjugation and humiliation. But in that day the Egyptians swear allegiance to the God of Israel and learn their language (Isa 19:18).

Relate all of life to God (Isa 19:19-22). They build an altar (Isa 19:19), which signifies reconciliation with God. They cry out to God for help (Isa 19:20b), instead of seeking human and political solutions. They know God as God reveals himself (Isa 19:21a). They understand that to know God is to respond to God’s revelation of himself, and not just them seeking to know God by their own efforts or good intentions. They make sacrifices and vows in response to God’s revelation (Isa 19:21b). They walk the walk. They turn to God and experience healing in times of divine discipline (Isa 19:22), rather than becoming bitter. A true believer relates every aspect of their life–both good times and hard times–to God.

Unite with those unlike themselves (Isa 19:23). Egypt and Assyria were enemies. But in that day, they will worship together. There will be a highway connecting these unlikely bedfellows. The highway–a favorite metaphor in Isaiah–connotes the removal of alienation and separation. We human beings understandably prefer like-minded people. We prefer our own ethnicities and culture, which explains why there are ethnic communities in virtually every city. Even churches tend to be sharply segregated along racial, ethnic and denominational lines. But true believers welcome and unite with those they might not generally welcome or prefer. For virtually all of my 35 years of Christian life since 1980, I have done ministry virtually primarily and exclusively with UBF people, such that I do not really know how to relate well to or interact with non-UBF Christians. I hope to learn the spirit of inclusivity and ecuminism, which John Armstrong introduced to me over the past decade. Reading books by contemplatives such as Richard Rohr has been quite helpful to help me overcome my unique sense of exclusivity. UBFriends, comprising of many ex-UBFers, is also a great place of interaction and unity for me, since in the past I would never have maintained any relationship or interaction with anyone who has left UBF.

Regard all others as equals (Isa 19:24-25). Egypt, Assyria and Israel lived in enmity and animosity for hundreds of years. But in that day they will first acknowledge and submit to the God of Israel (Isa 19:16-17), even humbly learning their language which was foreign to them (Isa 19:18). But they do not remain in a subordinate position indefinitely. Rather, God declares that they are all equally God’s people, God’s handiwork and God’s inheritance (Isa 19:25). This is how God’s people from different ethnicities and cultures become a blessing on the earth (Isa 19:24). This exposes the repeated failure of missionaries over the centuries to this day. Unlike Paul who turned the ministry over to his indigenous converts within a few years during his four missionary journeys (Ac 14:23), Christian missionaries have generally acted as the leaders who continued to lord over their converted indigenous peoples for years and decades. This is well explained in Roland Allen’s classic book, Missionary Methods. I wrote about this in 2012: Let Local Leaders Lead. I sense that many are coming to a gradual realization that each country’s indigenous UBF leader should be leading the ministry, and not the original missionary pioneer nor a foreign overseas director.

I don’t preach what I write because I preach extemporaneously. This write up is part of my preparation and reflection which I may or may not share on Sunday. Please feel free to critique it both as a sermon, as well as for content and substance.

Dear spiritual children,

It seems as though the words in my last testimony made you react with so many strong outlashings and bitternesses. I planned to comment and share my spiritual wisdom with you, but this reaction greatly frightened me and thus prevented me from doing so. To be honest, I felt like the Saint Paul when he was lashed forty times plus one from the Jews. But you know, Saint Paul was tended to by Luke the physician, whose gospel we happen to be studying. In the same way, as I read and meditate on his gospel, it is like he is tending to my spiritual wounds as well. I was like Daniel in the lions’ den and God protected me by eventually shutting your mouths after you got all of your garbages out through commenting.

So, when the storm had finally passed and all was quiet, I could gain more insights into why we had a severe clashing. Like Isaiah says, we are all like sheep who have gone astray. And of course, some sheep stray more than others. As the common American expression goes, “we are like two sheeps passing in the night”. Indeed, it is hard for spiritual giants to relate to others some times. So, I think that we may need the great shepherd, Missionary Shepherd Samuel Lee PhD, to give us guidance in this matter. He wrote an introduction to Luke’s gospel, and this will be the content of our lesson today. Gather around children and let us drink in this spiritual wisdom together.

Our great shepherd begins,

“It is impossible to write an introduction to the gospel according to St. Luke, because there is a danger that the introduction will be longer than the text. So it is summarized with a brief preface.”

Again, there is a danger. Whether it is good or bad, I will let you be the judge this time. I remember as a young boy, I would roam the Korean country side, looking at all of the beautiful mountains, the flowers and the vast East Korean Sea. I could write about everything, or so I thought. But the danger was that all of the paper and ink in the world may have been exhausted by writing about such majesty and beauty. Then no school children would be able to finish their studies. And tragically, the modern society would become uneducated and eventually collapse and fall apart. This is what it is like to attempt to comment on something that only a spiritual giant would dare to do. Who can capture these kinds of majesties with only a pen and paper and at the same time avoid destroying oneself and the society? Only Samuel Lee can record the deep things of mysterious grandeur and summarize them for us. Then he will feed us like baby sheep suckling from the mother lamb. So let us begin.

First, Luke, the Author

SL states about Luke,

“Luke is known as a Gentile and a historian because of his universal point of view. But when we study the Bible broadly, we don’t find any hint that Luke was a Gentile. Still, people call him a Gentile. Maybe it is because his gospel is universal: He included Gentile people for their salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord as much as Jewish people.”

Have you ever thought of why we refer to Luke as a Gentile? I never gave it much thought, but only accepted it at face value. But SL is right to point out that the Bible never says with certainty that he is either a Jew or a Gentile. Luke’s gospel is universal, showing that God even loved the untouchable Gentiles. When I became a Christian, in my college days in Korea, I had the vision to go to America. When I arrived here, I encountered many students who seemed so outwardly noble, like Jews. But inwardly, they were very much like Gentiles in terms of inner desires. But I realized that God so loved these Gentile-like Americans and so I could be a light to them, teaching them the Bible with all of my heart. I could begin to relate to them by watching many American movies on my VHS system, such as Ghostbusters, Good Fellas, Planes, Trains and Automobiles and National Lampoons. Various movies gave me insight into the minds of my sheep. Mainly, I learned that Americans are preoccupied with the occult, gangster activity and navigating the difficulties of vacationing. SL continues,

“Humanly speaking, for Luke to remain as a medical doctor was very reasonable. But since he was converted to Christianity, his priority was changed to Jesus first, and to the proclamation of the gospel of Jesus to the whole world.”

Luke probably could have made a lot of money during his lifetime as a medical doctor. He also enjoyed the prestige and recognition that came with such a position. But in private, he must have been very sorrowful because he had no purpose of life. He began to make many misdiagnoses because of his meaninglessness. Then, when he met Jesus, he became so happy because he found the forgiveness of sins and meaning of life through him. He left his medical practice and began to follow the number two of Christianity, Saint Paul, serving as his personal physician. From Luke’s life direction, I could gain wisdom about how to teach my Bible students to value following Jesus more than the worldly success. Many students want to spend much time studying, getting into the best universities so that they can secure a good future for themselves. But I explain to them that eventually, they will find that the world is meaningless and that they will not be happy no matter how much they study. I instead encourage them to put the Bible study first, even if it means they will lose school study time. In this way, they can grow to be truly spiritual disciples of Jesus. By the way, I am so proud of my children who all got into the Ivy League universities and have become doctors and got good jobs. They don’t teach the Bible or go fishing, but instead Jesus has a special plan for them to be exceptional disciples who can contribute to the society for his glory. But among my bible students, it is crystal clear that God called them to be bible teachers first and foremost. Why else would God call them to UBF if this was not his intention for them? They should strive to be like Luke, who gave up his worldly ambition to serve God’s servants. Amen.

Second, Luke Gives a Special Position to Women

“In Palestine, the place of women was not regarded. For example, when Jesus was carrying out the Messianic ministry around the Galilean district, many people, around 5,000 men, gathered (Lk 9:14). They did not include women and children in the count, because at that time women’s human dignity and equality were not appreciated. Children were also not numbered because the bigoted Jewish people were all money lovers. So children who had no labor power or could not earn money were unimportant.”

Luke was so keen to notice how Jesus included women into God’s world salvation plan. I was surprised to learn from SL that the Jews were bigoted money lovers. I suppose this makes sense and is factually correct seeing as how they did not care for those who couldn’t earn money, like children. However, this is a natural tendency for all of mankind. Sometimes, I would look at my small children and only see them as mouths to feed or nuisances who interrupted my Bible studies with college students. But SL newly opened my eyes that from the Bible’s point of view perhaps we should give them equal status with everyone else. Maybe, maybe not, only God knows in the end. SL continues,

“In Luke chapters 1-2, there appear Elizabeth and Anna. Humanly speaking, they were useless. They were no more than senior citizens who deserved food stamps. But Luke saw with spiritual eyes and recognized them as the lamp of God. They were old and useless. But in the sight of God they were praying women.”

Through SL, a repeated lesson that I have learned from him is that people are either useless or useful. It is very simple, if God does not call you into his service, then you are like chaff that the wind will blow away. You are like a hammer with no handle or a toilet that won’t flush. But when God calls you, even though you have many weaknesses, you can be a useful tool to him, like a pot used for a noble purpose.

SL gives many beautiful examples of useful women, such as those who financed Jesus’ ministry, the merchant, Lydia, Mary the mother of Jesus and others. We can put Mother Barry on equal footing with these spiritual pioneering women. She was once a southern belle in Mississippi who enjoyed her large book collection and even her own horse. But when she went to South Korea, she met Chang Woo Lee, and then suddenly the scales fell from her eyes to co-create UBF ministry and care for college students who suffered from deep meaninglessness. In this way, she could inspire many more strong women, such as my precious co-worker shepherdess Sincere, to be a good influence in the ministry and become world changers. Amen!

Third, the Outstanding Universality of Luke’s Gospel

SL relates a breath-taking story,

“Once an English novelist was convinced that he could write a better parable than Luke’s gospel chapter 15. So the English government gave him five years of time and he tried to write a better parable of the prodigal son. The government was supposed to reward him with one million pounds. When the day came to hand in his parable, he pleaded with the government officials to give him three years more to write the parable, and after three years, another two years. Finally he surrendered himself to Luke’s gospel chapter 15.”

SL didn’t list any sources for this story and I’ve never heard it before now, but anyway it probably happened. It is totally believable because the Bible is God’s own literature which surpasses anything that could ever be written in the history of mankind. The word of God has power to change people. The Bibles in our hands are powerful tools to drive away the dark forces of Satan and bring people to God. SL relates one of these most life-changing stories to us,

“The parable of the good Samaritan is a very familiar story to our ears. The characters are an orthodox Jew, a religious Levite, and a vigorous merchant. They saw a man badly wounded by gangsters. But the orthodox Jew turned around and ran away with an excuse that he must keep his worship service time. The religious Levite knew he should take care of the wounded man. But in order not to miss singing in the vocal team, he ran away with full speed. But the Samaritan, a Gentile, ruined his business and gave all his money and saved this man’s life. This story is not at all dogmatic. But it reveals the universal love of God. Who could have been the most happy?”

May God’s servant not be angry with me, but I was severely confused by this commentary. On the one hand, I understand that the Gentile was happier than the money-loving Jews who would not spend a dime to help the injured man. But on the other hand, wouldn’t the Levite and priest be the most happy by loving God through attending the worship service and singing on the vocal team? I am getting mixed messages here. I need to meditate on this commentary more deeply.

SL explains probably one of the most important spiritual lessons through the story of the ten lepers,

“When they were healed, the nine Jewish lepers went to their mommies, or went around claiming that they healed their leprosy by their own effort. Jesus was very sorry that they did not come back to thank Jesus for the healing. Only one man came and thanked Jesus for his healing. He was a Samaritan, a Gentile. Jesus was very sorry that God’s chosen people all forgot God’s grace; they were saved from their leprosy, but they did not have a thankful mind. Jesus was very sorry, because they were supposed to be shepherds and Bible teachers and a blessing to the Gentile people. But they were really unthankful. Their root was totally corrupted because they did not thank God. Unthankfullness is the root of sin. Jesus was very sorry, because there were so many people who should study the Bible with his chosen people, but his people were worse than the lepers.”

Here I learned that the root of sin is unthankfulness. When Jesus heals us, if we do not become shepherds and bible teachers but only enjoy our healing, we are worse off than before we were saved. Some of my Bible students went to other churches after meeting Jesus through Bible study. They did not stay to become shepherds, something which has surely broken God’s heart. They have become like the useless Jews who were unthankful. Nevertheless, God will raise up other students in their places who will show their gratitude by becoming shepherds and Bible teachers. Amen!

Fourth, the Kingdom of God

On the kingdom of God in Luke’s gospel, SL states,

“But Luke’s gospel’s teaching of the kingdom of God is far superior to Matthew’s gospel in planting the kingdom of God in the hearts of vulgar people who are suffering under Satan’s rule.”

Indeed, those who do not know God are simply vile and vulgar people. In contrast, we who have the kingdom of God in our hearts are like those who have precious feet and faces like angels which shine light into the darkened hearts of men. When God rules over us, we are much better than those in the modern, secular society.

Fifth, Luke’s View of Discipleship Training

SL explains the mindset of the disciples when faced with Jesus’ main teaching,

“According to Luke’s account Jesus emphasized to his disciples that he should suffer and be handed over to the Gentiles and should die on the cross and rise again on the third day. Whenever Luke emphasized this, he related that Jesus’ suffering and death is to fulfill the will of God and the will of God is that he would become the Lamb of God for the sin of the world. The disciples, who had been clumps of desires, were not willing to understand the way of the cross.”

I have found this lesson to be true as well. Before my Bible students meet Jesus, they are like useless clumps of sinful desires. They do not understand the way of self-denial and taking up the cross. In fact, before I knew Jesus, I was a useless and dishonest creature, a mere worm in fact. But when I began to deny myself and take up the crosses of world mission, bible study, shepherding and school studies I could find true happiness in Jesus. I went from a clump of dirt to a happy disciple of Jesus.

SL closes his preface to Luke’s gospel with the precious example of the risen Jesus, who taught the Bible as of first importance (Lk 24),

“May God raise us as Bible teachers like Jesus. May God open our spiritual eyes to see the Risen Jesus. May God help us study the Bible truth, and believe in our hearts, and see from God’s point of view with universal eyes so that we can really understand God is like the Father in the parable of the prodigal son in chapter 15. May God give us universal love, so that we can embrace all kinds of sheep without any prejudice like Luke, a servant of God.”

Bible study and teaching are central parts of our spiritual lives that we cannot neglect. It is the only way in which people can have their eyes opened to know God and inherit eternal life. If we do not teach the Bible, then many students will tragically perish in their sins. We must see them as the prodigal son from Luke 15 who despaired after visiting prostitutes and eating with pigs. We must be good older brothers who will teach them the truth from the Bible and guide them to carry many crosses. When they are truly thankful for their salvation, then it will show in how much they teach the Bible and shepherd others. Instead of enjoying the worldly pleasures, they will become spiritual world changers and gospel workers.

Thank God for this Luke’s gospel study! I hope that SL’s condensed summary has shown like beautiful sunlight into your hearts. I long to bring you under my spiritual wing so that we can continue to enjoy these precious meditations together! From this point forward, in this Ubfriends community, let’s start a new history together. Amen!

“The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!”

The Christian Church is the body of Christ. All those who receive Jesus as Savior and Lord, by faith, are parts of the body of Christ. The body has many parts. Hands and feet work together. A nose and an eye are both essential. Each part compliments each other and steps in the gap when another part is weak. We like to think of each part of the body as individual Christians, but also, on the macro level, each ministry and missional entity, has essential functions within the body to bring glory to Jesus.  We must respect each part, and even nurture relationships with them, for they are part of the body of Christ utilizing their various gifts to build up the church.

In the development of a mission, there are not just missionaries. There are other missional entities, which work together in unison, to allow the body of Christ to thrive. God desires for all of them to work together. The important thing is to recognize these parts of the body and nurture working relationship with them as we live as servants of Christ. Anything less is neglecting part of the body of Christ and hindering the work of the missionary.

Part 1: Introduction

I propose that the most fruitful path to embark on, as missionaries, is nurturing solid relationships with six missional entities, all of which are part of the body of Christ.

1. Relationships with… a sending church
2. Relationships with… a mission agency
3. Relationships with… a receiving church
4. Relationships with… a missionary team
5. Relationships with… a “person of peace”
6. Relationships with… the family

This paper will define the six areas of relationship building. Our own family experience as a house church will be reflected upon.  The things learned from the current mission to the Canada will added. There will also be some advice on how to nurture the relationships in the six areas.

The first part dealt with the necessity of nurturing relationships with a sending church and a mission agency. This second part will deal with relationship with a receiving church and a missionary team. The third part will expound on the relationships with a person of peace and the family. The point of all this is to share about some ways that missionaries can be strengthened as they follow Jesus. Let’s see.

Part 2: Nurturing Relationships With A Receiving Church.

Missionaries need to nurture relationships with a receiving church. A receiving church is a church that partners in ministry. If you consider the invisible divide that separates the missionaries, from the culture it seeks to serve, then the receiving church is on the other side of that divide, dwelling in the region the missionary is praying to minister. They are poised to receive the missionaries as they land in the field. That is why I call them, the “receiving church”.

I would include spiritual mentors and advisors as part of the receiving church. They are like-minded with similar vision for mission. They may not even be the same denomination as the sending church. They may not even have a relationship with the mission agency. The prime quality is that they are established within the foreign culture, or subculture, and can lend a helping hand to the missionary.

A receiving church is a separate missional entity that God has brought into the lives of the missionaries. They provide local resources. They provided easily accessible counseling, mentoring, logistic expertise, practical and material support, housing, transportation, friendship, timely feedback, and advice, to name a few. They become the new home church for the missionaries. They are the not the final landing place, but a launching pad to more remote locales. The missionaries become members and serve in the church, but set their eyes on other more “remote” regions.

A receiving church provides a source of support for the family. Let’s face it… we are human. There will be family strife. How hard it is to deal with that all alone! How wonderful it is to have the wisdom and support of a local receiving church! There can be marriage counseling and parenting counseling. The kids can find support in the youth group and youth counselors. There are families who have gone on before. These are only things that a receiving church could provide. We sure would have benefited from the support of receiving church rather than just silently bearing the relational struggles by ourselves as we carried on with our mission. A lot of issues could have been solved if I had nurtured a relationship with a receiving church within the community I lived in, right from the beginning.  (More on family in part 3.)

Sometimes a sending church tries to act like a receiving church. I would not advise this. There is no way that they can fulfill the functions of the receiving church, for the receiving church must be local, easily accessible and nestled in the culture.

In order to respect the work of the receiving church, the sending church must relinquish some control of the “their” missionaries and allow them to participate in the life of the receiving church. This requires faith and trust in God.

I feel that our sending church was trying to fulfill the functions of both a sending church and a receiving church at the same time, ignoring the need for a local receiving church. There are draw backs to this. Our sending church was one hour drive away.  In order for us to go for a simple visit, required 2 1/2 hours of driving and 2 or 3 hours of visiting time.  This meant a simple visit required five hours and $30 in gas and tolls. Visits were infrequent. It was not easy with a family where both parents worked and five young kids needed our attention. There was also, almost “no feed back” in our attempts at ministry.  Maybe I wasn’t ready to accept feedback. Maybe they did this out of respect for me and my choices, but having no feedback made me feel like I was operating in a vacuum. I would have liked more “real time” feed back, more availability for quick visits with other Christians and more advice on fruitful alternatives to mission, born out of casual conversation with members of a local receiving church.

Entering into a relationship with a receiving church is an act of God. Three years ago, while trying to embrace the mission to Canada, we were led to a receiving church after making many “cold calls” and interviewing people over the phone. One person directed me to another. God worked through this and by his sovereignty, led us to a particular congregation. Several visits were made and it became clear that our churches needed to enter into partnership so as to unleash the missionaries.

I completely ignored a relationship with a receiving church. In starting a campus house church (in1998), we lacked any type of relationship with a receiving church. We never thought we needed one. In our pride we launched into this campus mission, ignoring Christians around us. Our town is full of sincere Christians and churches that might have partnered with us. Our campus even had fourteen Christian groups that we might have formed friendships with if we thought it a priority. After moving to our small town, the intensity of our lives kept us from forming meaningful relationships in mission, with other Christians for fourteen years. We made excuses for not building relationships with other churches, because we were too busy serving our own mission according to our “special” calling.  This paradigm of mission kept us isolated from the rest of Christendom and operating without local mentors, supporters and guides.

Without a receiving church I lacked having Christians my own age to hang out with as friends. I was always surrounded by people who were my Bible students. There was always a mission related agenda defining my relationships. I was always evaluating people. Did they have a potential to grow as a disciple or was serving them a waste of my time? I did not have a local spiritual mentor in the same community to “bounce things off of”. I lacked a sense of community with other Christians near me.

With no receiving church, I made unreal demands on my own family members in order to keep the basics of church. We needed singers, prayer representatives, speakers and me, the messenger. There was no one else to do it and so my family needed to. The kids were forced into ministry, even when they did not believe in Jesus and even when they had no personal calling. The mission had to go on. With no receiving church, there was no outlet.

With no receiving church there was no source of “insider wisdom.” Each community is a unique culture. There are things to learn. There is wisdom to help a missionary to navigate the community. Why was I so proud to think that I could function in campus ministry without the wisdom of a receiving church near the campus and without local mentors to help show the way?

Without the receiving church there is no accountability.  If a person does not have a relationship with someone, on a day-to-day basis, it is hard to know and understand what a person is going through. I had slight accountability with my sending church 60 miles away, but as long as I produced positive reports about the mission and was keeping the Sunday worship service, all seemed well.  Nobody knew my need for spiritual mentors. I didn’t even know my need. Nobody knew the extent of my inner struggles.

At the end of my fourteen year stint as a single family house church, I reached out to a local pastor. I attended some his services by myself. I received his counsel. It was actually quite relieving. Healing was on the horizon. I would have avoided a whole lot of heartache if I had nurtured a relationship with a receiving church, right from the beginning of our mission.

Now that I am a member of a local community church (since 2012), how nice it is to stop by Starbucks and see one or two people whom I go to church with. How great it is to attend a home group meeting, where you are not forcing our immediate family members to make things happen. How refreshing it is to just enjoy sweet fellowship with a body of believers with no mission agenda. How nice it is to have some solid marriage and family support in a church that emphasizes family over mission. How good it is to have Christian peers and mentors nearby and not just Bible students.

Any missionary who tries to engage in cross cultural ministry without nurturing a strong relationship with a receiving church will suffer. Having no receiving church does not lend itself to a joyful life of faith, integration into the culture, nor longevity on the mission field. It will be a friendless, lonely mission. It will benefit a missionary greatly to come alongside a receiving church and nurture that relationship. All we have to do is open our eyes to see the receiving church God has prepared right before our eyes.  You might be surprised on who it is. Be ready to come alongside, even they are not like yourself.

Part 3:  Nurturing Relationships With A Missionary Team.

Missionaries, in a cross cultural setting, must have a close relationship with the missionary team. The mission agency, for the Canada mission, really emphasizes the importance of teamwork. They will not encourage missionaries to go out without forming a close team.

Without a team, what is left is a single family serving as missionaries. As I have mentioned before, in such a case, the family members become the pillar leaders of anything that goes on.

There is unrelenting pressure for the husband to always have the Sunday message prepared.

There is pressure for the kids to always have praise and worship music prepared (even when they do not believe in Jesus).

There is pressure for the wife to do everything else.

It may take years, if ever, to have a non-family member take ownership of the ministry. The family must always uphold ministry activities, without fail. Some parts of ministry should not have been formed in the first place because of the lack of team members. Without team members there are no one to share the load.

But with a team there is support. There is feedback. There is sharing of the load. Other team members can stand in the gap. They can encourage one another in times of weakness. There can be elders, differing approaches, checks and balances. What about being able to go on furlough? Who will take over when you are gone? It must be the other members of the team that you have nurtured relationships with. It is a great relief to be part of a missionary team.

In a missionary team there is oneness and respect. Some churches may be tempted to embed a senior missionary in with other junior missionaries. They may have a godly motive to infuse some spiritual maturity in the team.  But they may also have an impure motive to make sure the church’s agenda is fulfilled. This is paternalistic. It does not trust the leading of the Holy Spirit. It does not respect the team members. In the team there is respect and shared authority, admiration and opportunities for all members to contribute. There is trust in God. With a missionary team there could be consensus building and unity.

We suffered greatly because we took hold of our mission without being part of a team. Our family members were the team. There was no one to pinch hit for me in leading group Bible study and delivering the Sunday message. It was always me and it was stressful. The kids were under pressure to always contribute with a smile on their face. Sunday became a chore instead a time of joyful worship before the Lord. Things would be very different with a team.

Without a team, the nature of the ministry was authoritarian. I was the head of the household. I was the one making sure that our “well oiled” machine kept running every week. I was authoritarian. I was the enforcer, and I did it for over 14 years. There were no checks and balances to see if I was straying as a leader. My wife was forced to play that role. A missionary who does not have a strong relationship with a missionary team will end up making unreal demands on each member of their family to keep their mission alive.

A missionary can nurture a relationship with the missionary team, by keeping in communication. They do not operate on their own. They work in conjunction with the team. They submit to God’s leading as revealed through the team. There is oneness. There is openness and honesty and commitment. There is communista (bonding from shared experiences).

Longevity, joy, fruitfulness on the mission field can be achieved by nurturing a strong relationship with a missionary team.

Part 4: Conclusion.

God never meant for us to function with no other relationships with the local body of believers around us. Elijah felt all alone. He was so distressed that he was hoping to die. But God told him, in the depth of his despair, “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him” (1 Ki 19:18; NIV). Elijah was not alone. There were others in the spiritual battle. God wants us to partner with others. In Phil 1:5-8 Paul writes, “I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” He considered others as partnering with him for the sake of the Gospel. This partnering involves individuals but Christians in other missional entities, like a receiving church and a missionary team.

We may be tempted to ignore relationships with other parts of the body of Christ as we barrel forward with our mission. It seems easier, at first to ignore a need for a receiving church or other team members. But, by failing to nurture these relationships, missionaries suffer. Their mission can only go so far. When I tried to do it, for fourteen years, I was left severely depressed and despaired. I was lonely and without local peers, local Christian friends and local mentors. I forced my family to serve the functions that a receiving church and a team was meant to fulfill.

Some may have thought I should have suffered for several years longer, keeping business as usual, and thinking blessing was just over the next mountain. But I don’t think so. Never again will I ignore these important relationships in mission, rather I will promote their need and seek to nurture them.

Part three of this three part series will discuss nurturing relationships with a “person of peace’” and the family.

1. They both want to build an Empire called America

Trump’s hat says “Make America Great Again”. His platform seems to be just that–make American great! Build a wall and make Mexicans pay for it! His speeches I’ve heard are rather inspiring. It is easy to get swept up in his in-your-face boldness.

In fact, Trump gives voice to things most won’t say. While I appreciate this trait of Trump’s character, I can’t support his manic, over-the-top rhetoric. I can however see how many in the religious right love him. They want to build an empire called America too. And if they can piggy-back on a man like Trump, they will. The religious right has turned the church into a machine powered by a kind of empire-building gospel meant to counteract the evil society around them. And both of them seem to be at war.

2. They both read the Bible Pathologically

Recently Trump said how much he loves the Bible and how good the Bible is. He says the Bible just keeps getting better the more you read it. Then he said he loves that great Bible passage about “never bending to envy”. I don’t know what Bible Trump is reading. Perhaps he is alluding to Proverbs 23:17? Maybe he is referring to the TBT (Trump Bible Translation)? Or is he recalling Dante’s Divine Comedy…

“Whereby, so sweetly Love burns in us, poured By live Justice, that we could never bend To any envy, or malice untoward.”

The problem is that Trump is not someone who thinks about what the Bible is saying. Nor is he someone you would look to in order to process the Bible. He just says the Bible is sooo good.

This sounds to me like the religious right. I have had too many encounters online in social media with Evangelical conservatives who do the same thing as Trump. They idolize the Bible but do not process what the texts say. The common mantra is “The Bible says it, end of story.” I’ve had several online conversations where I respond by quoting the Bible, without the verses. I am then told how unbiblical my words are… Pathological thinking cannot see itself. Pathological thought does not see itself, cannot see itself, and cannot see other types of thought. Trump and the religious right have this in common.

3. They both depend on Money

Trump’s empire is all about making money. He is successful. His platform seems to me to be entirely based on his business success. The religious right also depends on money–offering money. The churches they have built would collapse if there were no offerings. One prime example is the Billy Graham Association. Franklin Graham (Billy’s son) has made millions.

Thoughts? Questions? Criticisms?

What Guy taught us is that we should not be afraid of seeing our work be used in ways we never intended. He said you should be so lucky if someone buys your product and uses it for all the unintended reasons. His example is of course the Mac. He and Jobs and the Mac team intended the Mac to be a spreadsheet processor. But nobody used it for that. Instead, they used it for desktop publishing and artwork. He mentioned that a business might be tempted to get upset because they lost control over their product. Instead, Guy urges us to accept such things and embrace the success. Like Jobs, Guy says “Go dent the universe!” He teaches us to let the flowers blossom where they blossom, and let your creations grow and take on their own life. In the Christian sense, the message is this: You are not in control of your ministry, the Holy Spirit is.

How the purpose of ubfriends changed

Guy’s advice helps me embrace what ubfriends has become, instead of trying to control it. When I helped start ubfriends with Joe and a couple others, we were both pro-UBF and had a very specific idea about what we wanted to accomplish. We thought UBF could be reformed. For example consider this quote from our About page:

This website is not intended to promote or denigrate UBF or any organization. Our purpose is to serve people by giving them an independent forum to learn, to think, and to express themselves in a healthy and friendly manner. We hope that this website will foster multi-way conversations among friends, open new channels of communication and friendships among people of different ages and backgrounds, overcoming prejudice and stereotypes, help members of UBF develop stronger connections to the broader Christian community, and help us to see multiple sides of difficult issues and truly learn from one another, even when we do not agree.

We had hoped to discuss Christian theology and bring real change and reform to the UBF group.

That all changed because what has been revealed is that the foundations of the group are in shambles. Like an old house that cannot be repaired and must be torn down, we uncovered the failed theology called UBFism that cannot be repaired. UBFism is hindering all of us from seeing the all-surpassing gospel Jesus preached.

Over time, many different kinds of flowers blossomed here on this website.

Why must UBF be redeemed and not reformed?

Many hundreds of people over many decades from many cultures, including Korea, have attempted to reform UBF. It has not worked. The business model is fundamentally flawed, as Joe pointed out recently. Furthermore, UBFism is a theology that needs to be deconstructed and exposed as harmful.

This week I have extra time to ponder all these things. It has been an eye-opening week too, as I have had more people reach out to me and share confirmations of abuses. Some UBF leaders should be in jail for not reporting such abuse. This denial of abuse is the main reason I say UBF cannot just be changed or reformed, but must be stopped so that redemption can begin.

Here are the topics numerous people were talking about on social media this week:

– An older Korean missionary has routinely slept with his daughter.
– An American shepherd regularly molested children at CBF.
– A student regularly molested children and then was appointed to lead children’s singing.
– An American shepherd was made to live in a one room apartment with only a small window in order to kill off his worldly desires.
– An American shepherd was sick and kept at home with an IV instead of going to the emergency room.
– A Korean missionary died at a UBF center and they prayed instead of calling 911.
– Some 2nd gens are locked in their rooms after they partied too much and got drunk.

When will it stop? Will you speak up? 

Here are some examples of what I am trying to say, from our previous articles. In order to see many flowers grow and blossom, UBFism must be stopped and deconstructed:

Here is my bluntly worded article:
http://www.ubfriends.org/2013/05/08/it-must-come-to-an-end/

Here is Joe’s nicely worded article with John Amstrong’s input:
http://www.ubfriends.org/2013/05/09/john-armstrong-on-knowing-when-to-stop/

Here is Ben’s good article, in Ben Toh’s ubf-friendly style:
http://www.ubfriends.org/2013/11/09/why-churches-stop-growing/

So people can pick which “tone” they like, but in regard to this topic Ben, Joe and I are on the same page, even though we arrive from different viewpoints.

Chapel with David Choi

In Chapel at Moody, we had a quest speaker, David Choi, from the church of the Beloved. One point in his sermon stuck out to me. He said, “We’re all trying to find security… We’re trying desperately to find validation in our identities.” He shared all the masks that he had worn throughout his life. Growing up as a Korean, he struggled academically to please his father. He always got A’s, but it was never good enough. Then he moved to a boarding school in the Midwest where everyone was smarter than him, so he tried to be the athletic and funny class clown. Then he went to Wheaton where everyone was a spiritual leader and president of their respective Bible Clubs, so he led a youth group. Then he went to seminary in Boston where he again wanted to fit in and show off. It was a never ending game of charades.

My masks

As he was sharing, I couldn’t stop my head form nodding. I know what it’s like to wear a mask, to become a social chameleon so that others would accept me. So often my desire for validation and approval dictates how I spend my time, money and energy, what I blog about or post on facebook. It determines my job and educational degrees. To this day I am still trying to prove my worth to the middle school bullies who made fun of me and ignored me, a decade and a half ago. I put on the smart/tough/able/invincible MJ mask, but it is exhausting and ultimately the only one receiving approval is the mask. This is the conundrum of approval; the more one seeks it, the less likely one will gain it. It is a never ending vicious cycle that is apparent in some of the most beautiful and successful people of the world. There are fashion models who never accept that they are beautiful and keep trying harder and harder to gain that ever elusive sense of worth. Approval is a drug that never satisfies and continually keeps one begging for more and more.

There’s a quote that Dr. Ben shared from Anne Lamott and I thought it was an accurate depiction of humanity. “Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are much more like you than you would believe. So try not to compare your insides to their outsides.” No one is exempt; some are better at hiding it than others.

But how does one gain approval? By not needing it.

One characteristic I highly admire is fearlessness. When I hear the word “fearless,” one person I think of is Frida Kahlo. As an artist her style was daring and unique. No one else painted like her and no one else dressed like her, but that did not matter to her. She expressed what she felt and in the end that is what gained the approval of others.

Another example comes from business. Often business owners try to cater to every type of customer. For example, a photographer will say that he does weddings, babies, nature, animals, etc. But once he tries to cater to everyone, he actually is catering to no one. It is a better for a business owner to narrow down his customers and focus on a few. I read somewhere that the difference between an artist and a politician is that an artist focuses on the few that appreciate their work, while a politician focuses on the majority that dislikes him. Artists/Writers/Musicians express what they feel needs to be said, not necessarily that which will gain them popularity.

Ultimate Approval has already been given

Of course ultimately as Christians, we know our source of approval.

“Before the foundations of the world, He loved you. Before the fall of Eden, He loved you. Before He sent His Son splitting through the cosmos to this world, He loved you. Before He died upon the cross, He loved you. When He rose again, He loved you. And He’s coming back again because He loves you. When you took your first breath, He loved you. When you messed up bad, He loved you. When you made good grades, He loved you. When you won and when you lost, He loved you.” -Jennifer Dukes Lee

David Choi finished his sermon by sharing our true identity; it is the identity that never changes, no matter how much we mess up. We are sons and daughters of the Most High King. God did not/does not begrudginly save us. He was not there watching us saying, “Oh, I hope he doesn’t get saved.  Darn, looks like I’ll have to let that one into heaven.” Quite the contrary, God wants to be with us more than we could ever want that for ourselves. He wants his children close to him.

I love Galatians because in chapter 3:2,3 St. Paul gets sarcastic. He says,

“I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?”

He calls them foolish. How could they be saved by faith and then all of sudden think it was their actions that could save or unsave them? That’s nonsense, but it’s something we Christians always think subconsciously. We think, “Uh oh, God’s not going to like me anymore.” However, later in chapter 5 Paul says, “It is for freedom that you have been set free.” We were not freed from sin to enter another bondage of sin management or the vicious cycle of seeking approval. God has already given us the stamp of his approval.

You are a child of the Most High King

One of the saddest thing for me to see is passion-less Christians.  I know often I personally forget my identity and let doubt and bitterness seep in.  Shame and guilt are so familiar that I go back to negative thinking and the hamster cage of trying to earn others’ approval. I also try to gain God’s approval even though it is only by Christ that I am approved, not by any works. I constantly need reminders of who I am in Christ. I constantly need to speak truth to myself and others. I constantly need to be reminded of the gospel.

I am a Princess of the Most High King and so are you (or Prince).

Do you wear masks? How do you try to gain approval from those around you? Has there ever been a time when fear dictated your actions? How do you see your identity in Christ? How do you remember your true identity?

So in August ubfriends started a book club. The book was A Fellowship of Differents by Scot Mcknight. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, good choice Joe! There is so much to write about from it, but I would like to share only my favorite part of the whole book here. On page 139 it says, “If some said, you must be kosher to eat with us, Jesus said, eat with me and I will make you kosher.” There, that’s it. This is my favorite line in the whole book.

The Third Way

In this chapter McKnight is talking about loving  members of the LGBTQA community in the church. Traditionally, there are two approaches towards the LGBTQA community: affirming or non-affirming but here McKnight offers a third way. He asks the reader,

“What can we learn of the cruciform life in fellowship with those who experience and suffer from same-sex attraction? Our posture cannot be one of pity; it must be one of mutual fellowship in the cross and resurrection of Christ, the kind of fellowship where we minister to one another (pg. 139).”

This is an approach of mutual fellowship, communion. Communion is about coming together around the same table and doing life together no matter what your sexual orientation is. Christ brings us together. Christ breaks down all barriers.

Two Principles of the Third Way

The author continues to describe the third way. He states its main pillars.  First it is the progressive nature of our own growth in redemption. And second, it is the importance of the local church as the context for that growth.

Life is a journey and so are our lives of faith. It never stops. We are always growing and so we must be committed to each other’s growth in redemption. Galatians 6:2 says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Sometimes people don’t want you to carry their burdens. Sometimes people never say thank you or appreciate you for carrying their burdens. My point is carrying a burden is never easy. Burdens are heavy, but this is what we are called to do. According to Galatians it is the law of Christ.

And secondly, the local church is vital. This point is not exclusive from the first because it is in the local church we see the progressive nature of our growth. The church is meant to be a fellowship of differents. McKnight calls the church, “God’s grand social experiment.” This safe environment of acceptance and love is where growth can happen. Growth comes from fellowship.

Christ’s Example

If you haven’t read the book this is the thesis right here. The author’s point is that the church is a fellowship of differents (hence the title). This means we look different, talk different, vote different, work different, smell different, etc., but we are still in communion with each other. Christ makes us one. Christ never imposes the stipulation that we must act, think, speak, like him before he accepts us. Christ accepts us as we are. He invites the non-kosher Gentiles to the table and through fellowship with him, the Gentiles become transformed. This is the only way towards growth/healing/transformation- communion with Christ and each other. It’s so beautiful; this is grace. May the church be a room of grace.

Do you agree or disagree? How has your experience in the church been? Have you seen the room of grace lived out in a community? Do you see fellowships of differents around you? Did you read the book? What was your reaction?

Additional Resources:

Brene Brown on Empathy

This clip depicts fellowship that brings about healing.

Introduction:

After a gradual, but long time struggle with leaving UBF I wanted to review an aspect not directly addressed by many people. As a single person the struggle really comes down to staying or leaving. There is nothing more and nothing less. However, a married couple faces different and possibly new obstacles. In fact, a growing family faces the largest issues imaginable combined with the sheer longevity of commitment and service to UBF ministry. Our stories are unique, yet at the same time complimentary by experience in UBF chapters around the world. I invite people to share this aspect of their struggle to leave UBF. There are many accounts found here and there on a wide variety of existing articles and topics, but the agreement to leave between a husband and wife has not really been opened up. It would be nice to hear from more women who visit and read UBFriends. The dominant voice has always been male even though there have become some regular female participants.

Broken Mission?

Where do we hear that our mission is broken? We hear this maybe in our own conscience, but most definitely in our UBF chapter and possibly even at larger UBF gatherings whereupon people have been gossiping. Our conscience might compel us to remain in UBF at all costs because it has become the only expression of our faith and our only understanding on how to receive Jesus’ words, command, purpose and most of all His grace in our lives. UBF teaches well that Jesus’ intent is not only about our salvation, but also narrows down our calling of service to define true Christians as those who go to campus preaching and teaching the Bible. UBF also instills that we should all be little compassionate Jesus’ and feed sheep. This serves to perpetuate the UBF corporate model more than it does the body of Christ, because it is not enough to share the gospel and bring more people to Jesus. It is more important that a shepherd begets a shepherd and so on. I have found that recent revision in UBF has attempted to acknowledge other gifts and talents from God, but the future of UBF as a church really rests in its legacy of campus evangelism.

Now, is participating in church activities a sin? Absolutely not. Naturally, any person who has received grace and has faith in Jesus wants to serve in some way and by any means. The trouble really stems from the list of requirements – UBF’s oral law. The heart is what matters in all circumstances and it is our heart that determines our end with Jesus as our sovereign. So, studying/teaching the Bible, having/being a shepherd, preparing testimony to share publicly, attending meetings, attending Sunday’s, and so on … becomes the model for worship and obedience. All of this just because you honoured a call to study the Bible in UBF. Failure to carry out the growing demands results in a judgment of one’s faith and most certainly some form of discipline. Knowing Jesus is a deeply personal and profound relationship, while knowing UBF is no different than knowing the impersonal corporate world. Simply, obeying UBF becomes more important than obeying Jesus. Is our mission to know and follow Jesus or to know and follow the UBF system?

Broken Promise?

Am I breaking a promise to commit to Jesus if I leave UBF? Personally, I don’t feel that I’m part of the group. I have never caught by this aspect of UBF emotional blackmail. If I commit to Jesus, then Jesus is whom I am bonded to. I have never seen myself in any other light despite the hostility and urgency to demonstrate human loyalties to those who sacrificed for you. I have seen many attempts to scare people about their promises before God. I suppose the conviction and guilt goes even deeper if you have left your country to become a “missionary”. It is difficult to simply accept someone who has left UBF. For a UBF member it feels like betrayal, that a promise has been broken with Jesus. In UBF it is a hard process and struggle. Those who leave UBF have more often been either referred to as unbelievers or great because they studied with UBF. Those who leave UBF are making decisions according to what they know as being right before God. How many times have you cringed when you learn something that is new to you within the UBF fantasy world?

Broken Community?

When someone leaves is the community really broken? When a young Bible student leaves it grieves the one who spent time with them. When a long standing member leaves it grieves everyone, but that grief is expressed with silence. How many examples are there of people who leave and never hear a word from UBF again? The fact is that UBF moves on and plods along its way with or without you. The system has been built to seek out new faces every season with an expectation that only a small number of people will stay – some of whom never become Bible teachers, but remain stuck as sheep. The system is built to block anyone suspect of glorifying themselves and not UBF – God. It also replaces any leader who leaves with ease and control. UBF is not a community of friendship and love, but rather one of numbers. It’s first a hierarchy in the years someone has been there. After that importance goes according to the success of disciples raised by each person. The community of fellowship looks more and more like some marketing department looking for someone to open and close a deal – The kingdom is contaminated with sharks!

Singleness

The life of a (single) student has less complexity in the decision to leave UBF. Now, single does not mean you are without a boyfriend/girlfriend or even spouse. By singleness I am referring to one person who has agreed to study the Bible in UBF. Leaving has no consequence to your social life outside the sphere of UBF and as long as you have not lost your identity there is hope to readjust as you walk with Jesus. Only now do I appreciate the easy circumstances of a single person in UBF. I did not have to worry about my wife or children. I only had to focus on recreating myself. I had enormous concerns about my life if I left. But, mostly these were about my identity and social life. UBF successfully desecrates a person’s social life and habits – routine. After becoming loyal to UBF I exchanged my common habits with UBF activities. This limited social relationships outside of UBF and even my interests, personality and character were sacrificed for my new holy identity as a growing disciple in UBF. When I did challenge and fight I was the only one to get hurt. Disagreements, misunderstandings and so on all had no consequences for others in my life. If I confronted anything I was the only one to receive hardships. The community of UBF could disgrace and shame me and me alone – I never had to worry about my actions having dire consequences for others close to me.

Married (With Children)

After marriage I realized on so many levels how much more difficult the decision to leave UBF was becoming. First of all, there is an understanding during the wedding preparations and ceremony whereupon an oath has been made to serve campus students with this new house church. Both man and woman are prepped to be the model Bible teaching house church. So, here begins the complexity of leaving.

What happens when one partner in the couple begins to object to UBF activities?

I have always been on the brink of leaving and somehow I managed to be married in UBF. I can honestly share with you that I really wanted to hold on as the Bible study had benefitted me, despite the pain that being in UBF had caused me. I had a small hope that maybe I could do things differently. However, I could no longer condone what I had been reading, hearing and in some ways continue to experience as I engage in UBF. Okay, so I feel badly about UBF … what’s next? Now I must sit down and talk with my wife about it. I must coolly and rationally explain myself. I believe my wife will support me on this – but actually I am not sure. (Marriage in UBF is for mission and UBF goals. How common in UBF is it to marry because two people love each other outside the context of mission?)

I do thank God that my family has entered a chapter of UBF that is more flexible, however, it does not cut us off from the umbrella of UBF ministry national and international. My wife has not had such negative experiences as I have and therefore has loyalist tendencies. However, I thank God that she also supports my decisions. To be clear, we are in some way divided, but supportive of each other and highly communicative in our marriage. One difference in our personalities is that I am frequently aware of certain injustices and she is insensitive to them – She is very care free and easy going.

When I arrived in UBF I observed an example like this where the husband remained part of the UBF leadership, but his wife had since left for a local church. It did not take long for the husband to unite with his wife at that church. So, in my example, I have had the conversation with my wife about our flexible chapter and if we had not been so lucky. She knows I would otherwise leave UBF. My decision has become local only – national or international matters do not interest me.

So, what would happen if my wife and I were in opposition? I want to leave, but she wants to stay. I hate UBF and she loves UBF. Clearly we would not be able to reach any reasonable solution. Big dilemma….there are children involved. But really … Who out there had to convince their spouse about leaving? Who was the first one to want to escape? How was the news and announcement received? How long did the process take?

What happens when UBF social culture invades the family unit?

UBF social culture is invasive and likes to compare its logic with the book of Acts. The perceived example of the early churches justifies UBF behaviours. The UBF community can be suffocating for a brother or sister, but knows no bounds after marriage. A married couple becomes an object to be used since the married couple made a vow to serve in UBF for campus ministry. In principle common serving does not look objectionable at first. But, it is the nature of relationships and influence of elders that can make problems in the family unit arise. With children the home invasion brings more privacy concerns and problems. Of course, this may be worse as your children get older.

I am presently just scratching at the surface, because I want to hear people contribute. I want to see new voices. I also want to raise the controversy of weak marriages in UBF. If one spouse is in and the other out of UBF what holds the marriage together? In my case, my wife and I communicate often and she knows exactly my intentions and feelings. Now, you may ask about her prayer for me, but I have already told her not to pray for my renewal in UBF. I am getting older and I am tired of such nonsense. It’s a waste of time. I just want Jesus and not stupid politics of the who’s who at UBF events. As my children get older I also want to spare them the stress of UBF land – Oh! They are so cute until they can form opinions and then they must know their place in UBF social order.

One spouse calling it quits does have the power to break a marriage in UBF. This is very clear because people are committing to the UBF system and not necessarily the person they marry. I have nothing wrong with jumping into a marriage with someone I hardly know. (I did that already!) I do have a problem with being caught up in the dream or fantasy of UBF. Time and experience changes a person. UBF has problems.

Closing:

In this article I am trying to make sense of breaking the relationship with UBF. I question a person’s broken mission, promise and sense of community, because these are integral matters addressed when someone makes the decision to leave. I also think about the contrast of a single voluntary decision to engage in UBF activities against that of an experienced married couple with/without children.

How about you? What else can you add to brokenness? What can you share as a single or married person who struggled to leave UBF? What conflicts did you face? Alone or with your spouse?

“But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. ¹⁹ If all were a single member, where would the body be? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts,yet one body.” (ESV)

The Christian Church is the body of Christ. All those who receive Jesus as Savior and Lord, by faith, are parts of the body of Christ. There is only one true, invisible Church of Jesus Christ. The body has many parts. Each person, even each organization, in the body has something essential to do to build up the whole church. Each works in unison to bring glory to Christ. And so it is with the development of missions. There are not just missionaries. There are other missional entities, which work together in unison to allow the Great Commission to move forward. God desires for all of them to work together. The important thing is to recognize these parts of the body and nurture working relationship with them.

Part 1: Introduction

There are multiple approaches on how people attempt to live as cross cultural missionaries. Each approach has its pros and cons. Some approaches lead to lasting, godly fruit, overflowing joy and no regrets. Other approaches lead to emptiness, depression and nagging feelings of “it might have been”, with a myriad of variations in between. I propose that the most fruitful path to embark on, as missionaries, is nurturing solid relationships with six missional entities. Working toward anything less will hinder a mission’s progress. The six areas of relationships are as follows:

1. Relationships with… a sending church
2. Relationships with… a mission agency
3. Relationships with… a receiving church
4. Relationships with… a missionary team
5. Relationships with… a “person of peace”
6. Relationships with… the family

These six areas were not derived from a text book. They were experienced by my involvement as a house church leader in a campus mission organization (1998-2012) and as a church liaison and networker for my current church’s mission to the First Nation people in northern Canada. Some of the terms originate from terminology learned from those involved in “To Every Tribe” Mission agency. I was first inspired by the different components of missions after attending an “Ekballo” Missions Conference, sponsored by “To Every Tribe” at Northern Illinois University in 2013.

God has been revealing so many wonderful things, in regards to mission, over the last three years and I seek to share that with others. Especially to single missionaries and single families serving as missionaries. This paper will discuss the six areas of relationship building. They will be defined. Our own family experience as a house church will be reflected upon. The things learned from the current mission to the Canada will added. There will also be some advice on how to nurture the relationships in the six areas.

This paper is lengthy. I will present it in three parts, so as to be more readily digestible. The first part will deal with a sending church and a mission agency. The second will deal with relationship with a receiving church and a missionary team. The third will expound on the relationships with a person of peace and the family. The point of all this is not to point fingers. It is to share about some ways that missionaries can be strengthened as they follow Jesus. It will reveal options. It will open doors to paradigm shifts in some peoples’ approaches to missions. I was blessed through this and so why not others? Let’s see.

Part 2: Background

I feel I have a tiny bit of experience attempting in to live as a missionary. Though I never left the country, I headed up a single family house church for fourteen years in the context of campus mission. After you stop laughing at that statement, think about the campus as a sub culture within our society. Many of the students are internationals. The students are a mosaic of social tribes. We operated as “stand alone” single family house church with no affiliation with any other local church. Our affiliations were with a international missionary organization that had other campus ministries in the Chicago-land area. Julie and I were no longer students. We were workers, pushing forty. We were not single students, but parents trying to raise five kids without a local church body or extended family. We were growing increasingly out of touch with students, whose culture changes once every three years. In that sense we were engaged in a cross cultural mission, within a subculture in our society. The demands upon us were not as vigorous as the demands on missionaries who are actually living outside their country, but there are some similarities that I could glean experience from and share with you.

In our fourteen years of engaging in a single family, house church ministry, I can say that we ignored several areas of mission support. We had a sending church (a one hour drive away). We had a sending church trying to be a mission agency and a receiving church at the same time. We did not have a missionary team, for we were a single family. We did not have a “person of peace” inviting us into the campus community. We also ignored nurturing relationships within our own family. We basically ignored several relationships, thinking that all we had to do was staff a small, single family house church, by faith, and God would bless it and fill it with eager, growing disciples.

It was like building a baseball diamond, placing my family as players and attempting play a baseball game, week after week, thinking people would eventually join us, filling the pews, forming teams and a league, like the dream of Kevin Costner in the 1989 movie “Field of Dreams”: If you build it, they will come…NOT!!!!!!

Over the fourteen years, we were blessed in so many ways, but at the same time there grew a bitter legacy of depression, fatalism, and despair in my heart. Much of it was attributed to the fact that we ignored several areas of relationship building in the mission field. That being said, I want to reflect on the deleterious affects that occurred by ignoring certain relationships in the overall mission and the positive affects of engaging in nurturing the relationships. This first section will deal with nurturing relationships with a sending church and a mission agency.

Part 3: Nurturing Relationships With A Sending Church.

Developing a good relationship with a sending church is essential for the success of any missionary endeavor. A sending church is a congregation who answered the call of God to send missionaries to preach the gospel and raise disciples in another community. They try their best, to support the missionaries. A sending church may be located in the same city, or it could be on the other side of the planet. They could be sending missionaries to the same culture or into a cross cultural setting. I would include financial donors and missionary support groups as part of the sending church.

From our experience as a house church, I would advise any missionary family to stay near their sending church until a very close working relationship forms. Our sending church was a one hour drive away. We had a good relationship with them. I was living among church members for eight years prior to starting a house church. We were part of the greater organization since 1986. Relationships with the sending congregation were strong. Even after starting a house church in 1998, we traveled three times a week for three more years, before becoming an independent house church. They offered regular Bible study, 24/7 open channels of communication and ministry resources on request. They would send helpers to ministry projects, send representatives to Gospel outreach events, and include us in the leadership of twice-yearly Bible conferences and Bible schools. They supplied items at the formation of our house church, like chairs and hymn books, etc. They provided continuing education. They provided kids’ ministry. They prayed for us and still do. We had the backing and practical support of the entire congregation. They tried their best to be a sending church and we benefitted greatly. After ending the house church three years ago, I can say that I am free to call, visit and to receive any type of mission resource.

Missionaries should not just join a congregation in an attempt to make them into their sending church. The relationships have to be there. To simply starting attending a church, without building the long term relationships, is like dipping your fishing pole into an “over fished” fishing pond. There must be relationships. The congregation and the missionaries must be like family. This takes years of drawing near and serving the Lord together. For us, it was eleven years.

The missionaries I am serving with now have spent several years, building relationships with their sending churches. They are participating in ministry. They teach Sunday school, lead the youth group, go on mission trips, and preach occasionally. They serve the Lord, within their sending churches. The sending church needs to feel that the missionaries are part of their church family. It must be the goal of every missionary appointee to nurture that relationship.

Part 4: Nurturing Relationships With A Mission Agency.

A mission agency is an organization that includes people from different denominations. It is headed up by seasoned missionary veterans. They provide missionary training and education from a particular Christian theological perspective. They provide short term mission experiences. They provide ongoing missionary education and support on the mission field. They help in fundraising and managing the missionary’s income sources. They promote the missionary endeavors and also engage in recruitment. They nurture relationships with the sending church. They seek to strengthen the missionary team. They keep missionaries and supporters informed about the mission. There is a myriad of things that a mission’s agency does.

The following are statements taken from the “To Every Tribe” Missions Agency that describe what they do. (http://www.toeverytribe.org/ ) They are a mission agency that adheres to reformed theology. From these excerpts one can get a sense of the role of a mission agency.

Mission

To Every Tribe’s Center for Pioneer Church Planting (CPCP) endeavors to train and mentor cross-cultural missionaries for the remaining unreached regions where there is still no grace, no gospel, and no name for Jesus Christ.

To Every Tribe exists to extend the worship of Christ among all peoples by mobilizing the church, training disciplemakers, and sending missionary teams to plant churches among the unreached.

Church Planting

We seek to train obedience-oriented disciples who make other disciples in planting indigenous churches that are self-led, self-supporting, self-theologizing, and self-reproducing.

Pre-Field Training

We invest in extensive theological and missiological pre-field training of missionaries to equip them to thrive on the field and to enhance their ability to plant healthy churches.

Team Ministry

We are committed to ministry through communities of believers where individual gifts work together for the good and effectiveness of the whole, and model the body of Christ to unbelievers.

Distinctives

The 60/40 blend of in-class and on-the-job training exercises makes the CPCP unique in its missionary training philosophy. The CPCP is distinctive in its combined commitment to:

BIBLICAL THEOLOGY We are committed to a reformed, baptistic understanding of Scripture.

UNREACHED PEOPLES Our training is specifically designed for those wanting to be prepared for pioneer evangelism and church planting in remote regions of Mexico and Papua New Guinea.

TEAM MINISTRY Pioneer church planting is physically, emotionally, and spiritually demanding. It is most effectively carried out by a healthy team approach to ministry. A significant part of the CPCP training is to equip missionaries to be a part of successful church planting teams.

ON-THE-JOB TRAINING We provide experience. It is our belief that church planters cannot be adequately trained in a traditional classroom alone. We intentionally create practical cross-cultural training situations in both Mexico and Papua New Guinea.

PERSONAL MENTORING The CPCP is not interested in merely informing your mind, but transforming your character and abilities into experiential, cross-cultural know-how.

MAKING DISCIPLES Pioneer church planting begins with making disciples. CPCP interns will develop strategies to bring the gospel to communities in the Rio Grande Valley with the goal of establishing new believers in the faith and equipping them to make new disciples.

The Center for Pioneer Church Planting (CPCP) provides a unique missionary training experience. Missionary Trainees receive classroom teaching led by biblical and missiological experts from across the country.

Combined with on-the-field experience, these courses equip our trainees with the knowledge and experience required for long-term, cross-cultural church planting success.

Link to the courses they offer people in the two year experience.

http://www.toeverytribe.org/cpcp/missionary-training-courses/

Link to recruitment

http://www.toeverytribe.org/missionary-sending-agency/missionary-opportunities/

In our house church experience, we lacked the presence of a mission agency. I would say that our sending church, and affiliated churches, attempted to act as a mission agency also. They tried their best to provide mission specific education at staff meetings, Bible studies, theological education, special lectures, mission relevant speakers at conferences. They tried to facilitate people to visit other nations, by attending international Bible conferences and arranging short term mission events. People were informed of our mission. They prayed for us. There was no need for fundraising or money management for we were a self supporting. They were trying their best to function as a mission agency without actually being a formal mission agency. But was this the best paradigm and did they succeed in functioning as a mission agency at all?

By a federation of sending churches, trying to act as a mission agency at the same time, it failed to fulfill the function of a mission agency all together. We lacked the support, the recruitment, and the education. Only leaders, who have been serving in the ministry over 10 years, and demonstrated commitment, received occasional campus-relevant education. There attempts to support were thread bare. To receive some of these benefits required years of sacrifice, such as driving long distances, attending staff conferences in far away cities, and spending long hours away from home, when there was work, ministry and young kids to raise. Recruitment was non existent if you weren’t serving on a top 20 American campus. American leaders, converts, who were laboring on various campus’, were not considered good prospects to join with. Their campus’ were undesirable to be part of. At our campus, we actually lost hope of ever having long term missionaries joining the mission, even though we were the fruit of “decades long” prayers.

The sending church, even a federation of sending churches, should be separate from the mission agency. Being a mission agency takes a full time effort in order to be effective. Even “To Every Tribe” does not try to do everything and seeks to partner with sending churches and missionary teams, knowing that it takes such relationships to fulfill the mission.

There needs to be a separation, as a way to have checks and balances. The early church had six main centers. They were all considered equals. A church has an elder board that is separate from the pastor. Can you image our government, if the senate, congress, judiciary and the presidential office were not separate entities? They are separate but they all work together. It is the wisdom of God to keep everything separate and yet working together as one. When the mission agency is separate they can dedicate themselves to what they do best. In this way, the missionaries don’t feel that their education and support is threadbare, but comprehensive.

A missionary can nurture relationships with a mission agency, by submitting to its leadership. They can comply with instructions and the mandate of the agency, while at the same time working together the other missional bodies. They can keep in communication with the agency. They can make regular visits to the agency to share their experiences with new students.

In conclusion, I can say that our family had a good relationship with our sending church, but we tried to function without a mission agency. I propose that a missionary needs to build strong, family-like relationships with their sending church. This needs to be nurtured, because success on the field is related to the support the missionary receives back home. The missionary needs to also build relationships with a mission agency. It is a separate organization, dedicated to building up the missionary and their family. It should be separate so that the support the missionary receives is not threadbare and exclusive but comprehensive and inclusive to all involved in the mission, not just leaders exhibiting total dedication for over a decade. Next paper will deal with relationship with a receiving church and a missionary team.

I want to share my testimony from this week’s message because I feel that sometimes the positive things about UBF are not heard on this site. I hope that you will appreciate my humble offering before the Lord. God bless.

In this week’s message, Pastor Ron Ward gives us great insight into how we can prepare the way for the Lord. These are dangerous times and we need an equally dangerous message. I mean dangerous in two senses here: the first is real danger, like living in an immoral and spiritually corrupted time where Christians can become infected by the culture. The second danger is a good one, at least for spiritual people, meaning that God’s word is dangerous to the forces of Satan because it has the power to set people free from his captivity. So in that sense, the words of God from his servant can match the dangerousness of the time that we live in. Also, there is another danger to Christians when they hold onto God’s words. Recently, a Kentucky clerk who was to issue marriage licenses refused to give them to homosexuals on the basis of God’s holy law. She was put in jail, thus signaling the unjust persecution of Christians. She had her own marriage problems being divorced many times, however God forgave all of her sins through Jesus’ precious blood and then called her to serve at the dangerous front lines to pull this country out of depravity. May God be with her and keep her strong.

P.Ron Ward comments about how Dr. Samuel Lee taught for many years that we must have a sense of history. This is why we study the historian Luke’s gospel so many times. We can see the change in culture when we forget the strong Christian heritage of America as PRW noted,

We are living in times of surprising change. Within this year, the 1972 Olympic decathlon champion announced that he is no longer a man, but a woman. This announcement was received with praise by prominent sports networks and media sources. This is compounded by the fact that he, or she, claims to be a Christian. Has our society gone completely crazy? This phenomenon is possible where there is no sense of history. Any student of history knows that great empires disappear when they weaken from within due to easygoing mentality and moral corruption. Seeing this trend in America, Muslim radicals have gained confidence the push their agenda in recent years. Having a sense of history is vital to sustaining a healthy nation. It is even more important to be a healthy Christian.

This is alarming indeed. If Caitlyn Jenner lived in Jesus’ times, he would probably say something like, “You call yourself a lover of God? You cannot be an ‘it’ and claim to love God. Repent and be a man as God made you!” Also, I recently read an article on radical Muslims explaining that they have come to power mainly due to hard economic times which were induced by bad foreign policies imposed by western nations. Powerful nations exploited them for resources so many times until they gave them no choice but to lash out in an outrageous way. For instance, the United States some time ago put an extremist leader into power in Saudi Arabia. Now the Saudis are oppressing smaller nations like Yemen and all the while the US is benefiting from Saudi oil. But from PRW, I learned that all of this is actually due to America’s easy going mentality and sexual immorality so that now Muslims have become proud. In reality, Muslims realize that they can entice thirsty western men by promising that they can marry up to five wives and receive 72 virgins if they blow themselves up. The article I read did not open my eyes to this, but planted a sense of victim’s mentality in the reader so that we would feel sorry for Muslims. Instead, we should resist the sexual immorality and build a strong military to fight against Satan’s forces all over the world! In this way, America can become healthy and great again, thus creating a new history.

PRW’s words are so comforting here,

We can find real hope in God to make a new history. It happens when we accept God’s word with repentance. No matter who we are, no matter how many mistakes we may have made, we can start a new history when we respond to God’s word with repentance. The same is true of our church. As we begin this new fall semester, let’s learn how we can start something new in our spiritual lives and in our community.

I was so encouraged, because in my ministry I have been hurt so much by sheep. So many ran away. I may have made some mistakes, but those were just the growing pains. No matter, I learned that we should put this history behind us and make a brand new history by newly listening to the words of God! As Paul said, “forgetting what is behind…” In this way, I can start a new ministry and look for the Abraham and Sarah of faith on my campus. Through Luke’s study I hope that I may repent and bear the fruit of new disciples. Amen!

Wow, there were so many spiritual foods just in the introduction alone! I asked myself why we were starting from chapter three instead of the first one; I was a bit confused. Then I realized that PRW is challenging us to not be easy-going. He wants us to be spiritual detectives and work hard, even backwards sometimes to figure out the truth. Also our young sheep can grow when they are challenged in this way. Praise and thank God for this training. Now let’s begin the passage.

First, The word of God came to John (1-2)

PRW explains the crazy times of Jesus’ day by pointing out the crazy and weird emperor Tiberius. So many people were crushed and hopeless under the Roman Empire. We can also see this going on in our day, as PRW notes,

Christians should not expect too much from our political and religious leaders. American evangelicals have been disappointed that engaging in political process has not been so effective in the last 30 years. But there is real hope. It is in God.

At first, I was a little confused at this statement because we are told that we should respect the authorities which are instituted by God (Ro 13:1, 2) and pray for our leaders that we may live in peace (1 Tim 1:2). Also, for many years we held up Billy Graham as a great world-changing evangelist and even prayed for PRW to be like him. I think we should hold these kinds of people in a special regard. But I newly learned that more than these, we should have hope in God, not merely in men. More specifically, it is God’s word that gives us power and faith to overcome the world. We should find a quiet time to listen to Jesus’s words. PRW gives us a good example,

In order to listen to God we may need to put away our smart phones, ipads and other media devices. Historically, the UBF ministry has been strong because dedicated people have listened to the word of God more than the noise of the world. Recently I worshiped in smaller UBF chapters in Chicago and Canada and had the chance to hear the messages of lay shepherds. It was obvious that they listened to God’s word, and his word was spoken powerfully through them. This is a precious spiritual inheritance. However, listening to others’ messages is not enough. We all need tie to meditate on, digest, and put God’s word into practice. Those who regularly struggle with God’s word maintain a healthy spiritual life. It requires time and energy. We have done this through testimony writing and sharing. Some people, however, have given up this struggle. This is one reason that problems arise in their lives and ministries.

Testimony writing may be the greatest invention of UBF and God’s great gift to the Christian body. Because of it, we have grown to be the navy seals of the Church. I confess that when I stopped writing testimony because of full time work and full time studies and full time ministry, I became lazy and eventually even demon-possessed. I fell into shameful temptations and could not do the work of God. But when I newly committed to struggle all of the demons and spiritual cobwebs and spiders were driven out. I have recently heard of some small chapters struggling spiritually and eventually going to local churches. I was so disappointed because it was obvious that they became full of complaining and laziness because they didn’t hold onto God’s words. May God help them to repent and write testimony once again. PRW notes the miraculous story of Brother Yun. He had no Bible in communist China. But that did not stop him from praying and eventually leading a spiritual revival in China. If this is the case, then we have no excuse. I pray that we may have Brother Yun’s fighting spirit and hold onto the words of God like he did so that we may see a new history of God in America. Amen.

Second, John preached a baptism of repentance (3-6)

PRW talks about how John the Baptist preached and baptized at the Jordan and proclaimed that all, even spiritual-looking people, should repent. He says,

Baptism indicated radical repentance. It meant to turn from self to God in terms of purpose, life direction, value system and desires. It was to renounce self-rule and accept God’s reign. The first step is simply to acknowledge that God’s word is right and “I am wrong” for violating it. It is to let go of excuses and justification and to admit my fault and guilt. It is recognizing that I should change, and not expecting God to change.

These words are so powerful. I did not fully understand the repentance until I listened to this. I used to think that repent meant to feel sorrow for my sins. But I newly learned that it means to admit that I am wrong, that I need to change and that God is right and unchanging. It makes sense because I had so many worldly thoughts before I became a Christian. I learned so many things through the spiritual wisdom of my spiritual fathers in UBF. I was challenged so many times to ignore my own thinking and listen to the words of God and his servants. It was very difficult at first because some directions seemed strange to me. In fact, I rebelled a little bit. But I realized that these were my demons speaking and that I had not truly repented. Now I am a spiritual man of God through many repentances.

PRW also speaks so honestly about one of his failures as a father and how he needed to practice true repentance to shepherd his son. He realized that his own sins damaged his relationship with his son. He felt the godly sorrow because of his sins and through God’s strength he could truly repent. May we all follow such a godly example and be good spiritual fathers and mothers for our sheep. Amen.

We are also encouraged to call sin as sin. We should not be afraid to tell our sheep the truth about their sin instead of being politically correct, as PRW says. I once had a bible student who liked to indulge in homosex. I told him, that is not right before God and explained from the Bible, starting with Genesis 17. He asked why I was so blunt and he was hurt because I did not want to go into a deep discussion about the matter. He eventually ran away. I realize that people want to talk and talk about so many nonsenses, but really it is their way of escaping the truth of reality. God will eventually burn up all sinners with wrath. So we cannot get caught up in useless talking and debates, but instead we must proclaim the word of God which even has the power to heal homosexuals. I remember when first coming to America I saw the gay pride parade. I was shocked and asked, how can anyone be proud of that? We surely have to rescue this nation from extreme immorality which invites God’s wrath.

We should do this proclaiming which leads to repentance to prepare all of our hearts for the coming of Jesus. What is this coming of Jesus like? PRW explains,

The word salvation appears six times in Luke’s gospel. It refers to the coming of Jesus and his work to save his people from their enemies, forgive their sins, and restore their relationship with God. He made a new world, a perfect paradise. Jesus did this through his suffering, death and resurrection. This amazing grace of salvation is good news. Those who prepare the way for the Lord through repentance will be abundantly blessed and comforted.

There is one sneaky and clever-sounding theologian named N.T. Wright. He preaches that we should be bringing heaven to earth, through our actions and prayer, even in our present day. This sounded so intoxicating to many people, and I shamefully admit even to me. But here I newly learned that instead we are waiting for Jesus to come and give us the new heaven and new earth and solve all of our sins problems once and for all. Our spiritual task is to sincerely repent with tears so that we can prepare his arrival. We should not get caught up in trying to change this world or make a home in it. We are merely pilgrims passing through. We should be like John the Baptist who lived in the wilderness and shunned the modern society, thus making a way for Jesus to come. God will burn this earth up along with all sinners, so we should look to Jesus to rescue us from this godless environment. The thing that will set us apart from corrupted sinners is our godly repentance. Amen.

Third, Produce fruit in keeping with repentance (7-14)

John allowed many people to come and repent, but he was not easy-going, as PRW explains,

Many people came to him. They heard God’s word through his message. They wanted to drink it in like thirsty deer lapping streams of water. But John did not praise them. Rather, he challenged them sternly by calling them a brood of vipers. Holy John sounds a little like General Patton.

Wow, John was such a powerful spiritual general. He knew that only lip service would not help the people become the true children of God. They had to truly believe and live a changed life. They had to experience ongoing change, in fact. This is what sanctification is.

PRW closes with some practical ways in which many people in John’s day repented. People worked hard, did not extort others and lived as honest people. PRW even gave an example of how he is helping his son to be a hard worker. Instead of taking it easy on his vacation, he worked so hard to teach his son the hardworking mentality. I remember him saying one time that he regularly worked 100 hours per week. He is so hard working to serve so many things, even his family. This surely is the power of God and the fruit of repentance working in him. Also, he is so brave to talk about his family problems through the message. One day, his son will look back and thank him for including him in this message, which is a precious part of the history of God for all to see.

Personally, I was cut to the heart through this message. I remember when I was in Korea, I went to drink soju at night many times throughout the week. I enjoyed the worldly pleasures and wanted to marry and live an easy-going life. But when I came to bible study, I was challenged to be honest with my shepherds confessing all of my sins. This was so hard because I was so used to deceiving people all of the time. I remember one time even stealing money from my college roommate so that I could pay for a fancy perm. But I repented very sincerely of all of this through Bible study with my shepherd. Then, I was given the direction to change my name to Honest. Honestly speaking, this was difficult and my parents thought that it was strange. But now I see the wisdom of God’s shepherds. I can be an honest and hardworking man through Jesus Christ. Now I am a source to help many American sheep to repent and make a new history with God. May God be with our ministry this fall and help us to raise up many new Abraham’s and Sarah’s of faith. Amen!

One Word: Do the hard work of repentance through God’s strength and prepare the way for Jesus

Over a year ago, I wrote a provocative article here on ubfriends, entitled Shepherd Brian is Dead. It is an unfortunate reality that in order to have any kind of conversation with UBF members, I need to use such rhetoric. Dropping the C-bomb (as Joe likes to call it) is the only way I have found that leads to some honest, real answers about the UBF ministry. In my article last year, I wrote this:

“Why do I claim University Bible Fellowship is a cult? The answer is because ubf shepherds and missionaries are identity snatchers. They spiritually abused me and thousands others by stealing our identity and persuading us to adopt their identity. That identity was called “Shepherd Brian”. But that is not who I am. That was never who I was. That is not my authentic self.”

That comment about identity snatching stuck with me. It has now lead to my new book.

Giving credit

I am eternally thankful for the input from numerous current and former UBF members, especially Ben, Joe, Zoe, Charles, David, Maria and Chris (well ok not eternally… just thankful!). They were a good sounding board and helped shape this book well beyond my original ideas. Without their input, this would have been a really dark, scary book! But because of their criticism and honest feedback, the book is much brighter and hopeful.

The stories in my book are not only about deconstructing UBFism, but also about redemption. The stories are another major step in my own journey of recovering my identity.

Feedback

Dr. Steve Hassan and Dr. Ronald Enroth both appreciated my book, but are busy until later this year. I hope to add their endorsements later on. Here is some of the feedback I did receive on this project so far:

“This book is part of a critical examination of University Bible Fellowship. It gives insight into the structures and methods of this controversial group that’s work is focused on students.”
—Dr. Reinhard Hempelmann, Director of the Protestant Centre of Religious and Ideological Issues, Berlin Germany

“I am really glad to know of your book project! It is greatly needed. I don’t know of any books that cover University Bible Fellowship in depth.”
–Larry Pile, Counselor at Wellspring Retreat and Counseling Center, Athens Ohio, USA

“How can we support you? I want this book to be written.”
–Former member

“Amen. This book is needed. I pray God uses it to bring liberation to those still trapped in UBF and healing to families and the body of Christ.”
–Former member

“I think the book is so important to show that processing UBF is not about criticizing them mainly but about becoming happy, healthy, and whole again.”
–Former member

“Wow, awesome so far! I am going to share this book with everyone.”
–Former member

Links to my new book

As always, my books are free on Kindle with Amazon Prime and have the Amazon lending feature enabled, as well as the Amazon MatchBook enabled. I also tend to give free paperback copies to anyone willing to help promote the book via blog reviews. Content on the free online companion will be added in the coming months.

Identity Snatchers – Paperback Edition

Identity Snatchers – Kindle Edition

Free online companion – restunleashed.org

We Christians are firmly convinced that we should choose between:

• God and sin,
• God and money,
• right and wrong,
• good and bad,
• heaven and hell,
• monogamy and polygamy…and rightly so.

Two categories. This can be regarded as dualistic thinking. It is to see everything in two categories and two categories only. It promotes elitism, exclusivity and exclusionary thinking, which invariably denigrates, disparages and denounces those who are not on “your side.”

Life is scripted!

We all know how much time is spent week after week writing testimonies, rebuking sheep and answering those question sheets.

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Disclaimer:
The ubfeator links above may earn you severe dead dog training. Use at your own risk. The ubferator has also been known to cause intense abdominal pain from laughing too hard. Please use with caution. If you experience laughter lasting more than four hours, please call your doctor.

Some of Lee’s tales seemed relatively harmless, but many of them were not. He often spoke of horrible things that happened to members who became disobedient or disloyal. People who left the organization were characterized as proud, deceived and greedy. They abandoned God’s calling and God’s mission to enjoy an easygoing comfortable life, and the result was always tragic.

We all listened to these stories, and no one bothered to check their validity. The people were never explicitly named. After leaving UBF, their lives may have been happy and productive. But we had no way of knowing, because once they ran away we had no contact with them. And even if we suspected that the stories were exaggerated or invented, we could never openly say so, because Lee’s authority and truthfulness could never be questioned.

Many of Samuel Lee’s horror stories are recorded in UBF Sunday message archives. Here are five examples that Brian Karcher dug up. Many more are out there; they are not hard to find.

Example 1: from “God is Pleased to Give Us the Kingdom of God” (10/29/1995)

A young man studied architecture. He made some money. Then he became proud. He abandoned God’s mission and bought a good house in the suburbs. As soon as he moved into an overly luxurious house for him, he was attacked by liver cancer and died after six months. His wife is in huge debt. She suffers from deep despair and nihilism.

Example 2: from “The Triumphal Entry” (4/18/1999)

[In the following passage, Samuel Lee talks about three Chicago missionaries who allegedly ran away because they didn’t want to suffer. SL calls himself “commander,” “leader” and “the servant of God”. He equates obedience to God with obedience to him, and he claims to have some special authority to bless people.]

To obey God or not to obey God’s word determines our fate. There were three medical doctors. They came as UBF missionaries to Chicago. But when their commander arrived, they all ran away so as not to suffer in doing the work of God. The leader was unhappy about them and did not bless them. Then soon one of the doctors, who was an anaesthesiologist, overdosed a patient for an operation and the patient died. So he lost his medical doctor’s license. Now he is running a grocery store very poorly. Another one, influenced by American relativism, cursed the servant of God. Then he left UBF. After several years, he was in a severe car accident. His body was totally crushed and his hands and feet were paralyzed. The third one got a proper job. But he has rheumatism in his right leg and in his left hand. He suffers day and night. All these events happened when they took God’s word lightly. This is to say that when we obey God’s word, God blesses us; when we disobey, God does not bless us.

Example 3: from “A Fieldwork Training” (7/2/2000)

[In 1989, SL expelled thirty members because they had attended a non-UBF charismatic gathering. He called them “hallelujah Christians,” accusing them of obeying feelings and emotions rather than the word of God. Over time, the stories told about them became more and more fantastic and absurd. Here he claimed that they were seduced by a “witch woman” and called their prayer circle a “witches’ dance.”]

It is very dangerous to hear the word with one’s feelings. Once a servant of God visited a mission field. The church members were going to see a witch woman’s clever demonstration. The witch woman told them that Jesus was coming after three months. She put some water on each one’s forehead and predicted that all kinds of the best blessings would come upon them. Next, she demanded, ‘If you are going to receive all the blessings I spoke of, pledge an offering and bring it to me.’ People like flattery. Sometimes they know that it is wrong, but they like flattery and the promise of success. This is sinful human nature. About thirty of the church members went there and received water baptism on their foreheads and the prediction of blessing and success. They gave all their money to the woman. After one month the woman disappeared. The church that invited her also disappeared. It had been on Western Avenue. Those who were ordained by the witch woman suddenly became self righteous. They began to dance in the darkness on the stage of our church. They looked like witch doctors. They were speaking what they did not know; some were foaming at the mouth; some acted like mental patients. So the servant of God drove them out, all thirty of them. Later, three young men from among them suddenly died of unknown diseases. One woman, who was asked to remain in the church as a prayer servant, ran away. One day, on her way home from work, she had a big car accident. Only her head has been alive for the last ten years.

Example 4: from “The Parable of the Tenants” (5/16/1999)

[In this paragraph, SL describes seven people who ran away. The situation of the medical doctors mentioned in the sermon one month earlier has changed. The first doctor has sunk into poverty and must work 17 hours a day. The second has not only been totally crippled in a car accident but has two “retarded” sons and subsists on welfare. The third, who formerly had rheumatism, now suffers from insomnia and stomach ulcers and is locked in a constant battle with his wife. The tragic case of the architect is mentioned again, but instead of having died from liver cancer after six months, he has died from kidney cancer after two months. Another two disobedient missionaries (strangely, all of them being medical doctors) lost their jobs in the hospital and cannot find work. The story of the missionary who became a “hallelujah Christian” and suffered a car accident so that only her head is living is mentioned again, but ten years has now become seven.]

Many Korean missionaries came to America. They worked hard for God’s vineyard. Soon they were blessed. They became rich and honorable. Then several of them ran away from God’s vineyard to use their wealth all by themselves. When they ran away from God’s mission, God did not bless them. He loved them and wanted them to repent. One of the medical doctor missionaries was an anaesthesiologist. He gave too much anaesthesia to a patient. As a result, the patient died. So he lost his physician’s license. Now he is running a small grocery store. He has to wake up at 4:30 a.m. and gather merchandise to sell during the daytime. His work finishes at 10:00 p.m. Another was a very proud medical doctor. When he was blessed by God, he ran away. Then God gave him two retarded sons. Later he had a severe car accident and is now totally crippled. He lives on government aid. A third one was blessed by God while carrying out God’s mission. But he ran away. Now he has insomnia and a stomach ulcer. He is existing. But his daily work is not medical work but a boxing match with his wife. Another of them finished his architecture study with much subsidy from God’s institution. As soon as he graduated he ran away. Then he got kidney cancer and died after two months. Two medical missionaries are as proud as Herod the Great. They were dismissed from their hospitals and are intensively looking for jobs. But they have had no success. One lady was greatly blessed by God when she was doing God’s work. But when she ran away with hallelujah Christians she had a car accident, and only her head has been alive for the last seven years.

Example 5: from “Preach the Gospel in this World” (4/22/2001)

[SL begins this paragraph with one of his favorite sayings, “There are two kinds of people.” Again he denounces the witch doctors and hallelujah Christians. He repeats the story of the woman who had a car accident and whose head is still alive, but interestingly, the woman has now become a man.]

There are two kinds of people. One kind is the people whose hearts are like flintstone. The other kind is very gentle and weak-minded. Brutal and strong people mask themselves as witch doctors and deceive weak people to empty their pockets. In 1998, I came from Korea after the World Mission Report. In the Chicago UBF, thirty of the members had contacted witch doctors. Witch doctors sprinkled water on their foreheads and told their fortunes. Even though it was lying, they felt good. When they thought about the witch doctor’s lying again and again, they began to feel that the lies were true. Then the thirty of them became useless to God’s world mission ministry. Soon after, they formed their own group and went out to make a hallelujah fellowship. Among them, one man who finished his Pharm.D. died suddenly at his desk, sitting in the chair. Another one died of a heart attack. One was sincerely asked to remain as a prayer servant. But he ignored the request and ran away. On the way he had an accident. Only his head is alive. After that they became very quiet and didn’t bother campus evangelism and world mission work in UBF.

Reading these horror stories today raises so many thoughts and questions.

Did we really believe that these stories were true? Why did we swallow them and even repeat them?

Did we really think that telling stories like these was good pastoral practice?

Did SL actually think that these stories were true? If so, what kind of person believes that the tales he tells about people are true merely because he says that they are?

By any reasonable standard, spreading stories like these constitutes gossip, hearsay and slander. Why was SL granted complete immunity to say whatever he wanted from the pulpit? (Why and how did our theology allow this?)

The audience always enjoyed these stories because SL made them strangely humorous. It was a twisted kind of black humor, because he was talking about human suffering and misfortune without any semblance of empathy. But the audience always laughed at these lines. Why did we laugh?

I believe that, at some level, most UBF members were smart enough to know that God wasn’t going to strike them down if they disobeyed SL or left the ministry. But we were very much afraid of being denounced by SL, because he had the power to shame us, marginalize us, cut us off from what we valued most. When your whole life is wrapped up in the UBF group identity, to suddenly be rejected and cast out of the group is horrible. The social and psychological implications of being denounced by SL were far more palpable and real than the punishments that God might rain down on us.

When SL denounced someone from the pulpit, I believe he was signaling to everyone that the person was no longer in a state of grace vis-à-vis him and this person needed to be shamed, shunned, or whatever until he or she repented and returned to the fold. It was one of SL’s regular tools of social management.

Some members of UBF probably did take SL’s horror stories at face value. But deep down, many others (especially the fellowship leaders) knew that those stories were full of crap. Sarah Barry knew this. Mark Yoon knew this. Joshua Hong knew this. James H Kim knew this. Augustine Sohn knew this. John Bird knew this. Teddy knew this. Ben Toh knew this. Mark Vucekovich knew this. Jim Rabchuk knew this. I knew this.

Yet the social realities of being in a place where everyone’s relationships to everyone were being managed and mediated by SL meant that you were always walking on eggshells. You always had to be careful to remain on SL’s good side, or stay safely out of his way, because with a few words spoken from the pulpit, he could turn your relationships and your life upside down.

First, to celebrate the new semester, all three of my books that detail my journey of recovery from UBFism are FREE on Kindle this week, from 9/1 to 9/5.

Rest Unleashed: The Raven Narratives – FREE
Goodness Found: The Butterfly Narratives – FREE
Unexpected Christianity: The Penguin Narratives – FREE

Second, my new book, Identity Snatchers, is being published this weekend! I want to express my gratitude for numerous former and current members who helped shape this book. The book is my attempt to deconstruct UBFism and to redeem my personal identity.

Third, here is an incredibly accurate song that I like to listen to when school starts. This song says what I want to say to all ubf shepherds as the new semester begins:

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost
With no direction oh
But you’ll never see

You’re so busy makin’ maps
With my name on them in all caps
You’ve got the talkin’ down
Just not the listening

All my life
I’ve tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin’ for someone to tell me it’s my turn
To decide.

Who made you king of anything?

Cynicism- doubt resulting from ignorance and antiquated ways.” (1)

You were wrong

Recently, I had a difficult conversation with a friend about a misunderstanding. At the end of the conversation, he casually mentioned something along the lines of, “Wow, I had initially come to this meeting thinking that you were completely wrong, but now I see that I was also in the wrong too.” Well, that just burst my bubble and made me want to rehash the whole misunderstanding again (because it obviously was not resolved.) Yet, I held my tongue. Actually, I had been dreading the whole confrontation because when he had called me earlier about the issue, I knew from the way he phrased his words that he was sure I was wrong. He didn’t want to talk; he wanted to point out all the ways that he was right and I was wrong.

Criticism versus Cynicism 

I will admit he was right to a certain extent. (It was basically just a big misunderstanding of two decisions that I had made. He thought they were mistakes because he didn’t know the whole story.) But what ticked me off is that he wanted to meet to solely show my error. He had come with a pre-conceived agenda/idea. (Basically, I had been weighed on the scale and had been found wanting.) That, however, is not how criticism works; that’s how cynicism works. Cynicism is when one reacts out of “ignorance and old ways.” A cynic enters the conversation with a pre conceived presuppositions. Actually there are a lot of overlaps between a critique and a cynic. They may say the same things and highlight the same issues, but a cynic, to me, is anyone who already has his mind made up. He has his judgement before facing the jury. A cynic to me is one who already knows the verdict without interacting with the evidence. Cynicism is everywhere and pride/superiority is at its root.

Thankfully, after a lot of talking and a third person moderating, my friend (at the beginning) finally saw that what he had perceived as being rude and inconsiderate on my part were actually legitimate decisions I had made because he did not know the full story. He came as a cynic but left as a critic.

Cynicism versus Authenticity

In an article by Relevant entitled, Faith and the New Golden Age of Late Night TV (2) the author mentions the revolution in late night TV. He talks about the demise of Jon Stewart, Letterman, Leno and Conan. When talking about Stewart he said,

“After more than a decade on the air, he’d become a jaded insider… who often made his audience less hopeful and more angry. There were times in his final months where he no longer seemed like the funny kid at the back of the class keeping the teachers on their toes; he was now the one with a front row seat to a broken system that he realized he couldn’t fix. He seemed defeated.”

Cynicism is different from criticism and inquisitiveness. Do not misunderstand. I am not endorsing spinelessness/silence when you are prompted to speak. Neither am I saying that those who post on ubfriends are cynics.

I am writing this to point out the subtle distinction between  cynicism and criticism. My argument is against the kind of thinking that says, “I am right and everyone else is wrong.” How many times have you entered a conversation with the idea that your conversant is completely wrong and dumb? I know I have done that many times and I have been (un)pleasantly surprised. I also have been in many conversations where I was on the receiving end of a cynic. I have had to deal with those who instead of hearing my story or listening to me came to simply castigate. Instead of seeking authenticity, HOTness as Dr. Ben loves to say, cynics seek to judge/condemn. One type of criticism comes from love, while the other from a place of superiority. (Btw, it’s very obvious when one of the two thinks they are better than the other.)

A Cynic Surprised

There are two sides of this cynical coin. The relevant article finishes with this quote,

“Christianity with an edge has a price. On one end of the spectrum are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who are so concerned about preserving their own cultural values that they encourage boycotts, cultivate outrage and make Christianity into a hostile cultural force. On the other end are leaders, thinkers and bloggers who have become so fed up with influential Christian institutions, they’ve become cynical, jaded and outraged—albeit for different reasons.”

I write this not to point out that anyone is a cynic. I write this because I personally recently discovered the difference between cynicism and criticism. I want to be honest, open and transparent. I want to be authentic. I don’t want to sweep dirt under the carpet (that’s been done for the last few decades and look at the fruit it has reaped…) And yet, I also don’t want to be judgmental or condemning. I don’t want to jump to conclusions about anyone whether they are in UBF or not, whether they’re Christian or not, whether they’re heterosexual or not, Pentecostal or not, etc.

Furthermore, after writing my last article They want Christians, not Christ (3) I was pleasantly surprised. When I went back to class my Christian classmates were not as judgmental as I thought they would be, but they were intentional about being authentic. As Joe said in a comment on here, authentic community is possible, but it takes intentionality (I think he also said time and commitment.) I have a feeling that God put me in the school where I study surrounded by Christians, so that I would learn to love the Church again. It’s a hard lesson, but may I seek authenticity and not cynicism.

• http://brandinfluencegroup.com/blog/criticism-vs-cynicism/
• http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/faith-and-new-golden-age-late-night-tv
• http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/08/22/they-want-christ-not-christians/

Jesus words are harsh and direct “You hypocrites!” The second point here is that Jesus realizes the stakes are high and reserves no harsh words, and compromises nothing when dealing with this fall teaching. The disciples even question this asking “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this?” But Jesus’ response is twofold: first, that judgment will come (verse 13) and since it will come we cannot afford to have the blind leading the long. Jesus often rebukes his disciples, but he reserves his harshest critics for teachers, because they spread teachings and therefore represent true danger. The early church would often put down groups, not because they hated them- but because they wagered that it was better to have a group eradicated than to have the gospel messaged changed and distorted amongst the body of Christ. Although their methods were at times harsh, their aim was the same as Jesus’ in this passage. Right beliefs preclude right action, on the other hand wrong beliefs preclude wrong action. Jesus concludes by teaching both the Pharisees and the disciples the right belief, that our heart is what determines our holiness. He concludes that the ritual does nothing to determine a person’s faith. Righteousness comes by faith, and adherence to any tradition in and of itself is meaningless (Gal 2:21). I have heard people in UBF go so far as to out rightly claim that a person’s spiritual maturity is based on adherence to their traditions. It is fanaticism in its truest. It’s wrong through and through.

A specific tradition may be invaluable to a particular person at a particular time, but it takes a special type of evil to unilaterally decide that that’s the way it ought to be for all. When I think of myself I have to be very careful myself not to fall into this trap. It is easy enough for a person to fall into, but I find the danger only grows with time. Perhaps there is a certain maturity I have yet to reach where I take all of this with the right amount of levity, but I find that I have the same tendency to asset my religiousness over others. The gospels seem clear to me that this is a problem to be fixed, not a feature to be upheld and enshrined.

Forestsfailyou

Done with the church. Sociologists list the reasons why some highly committed church members are deciding that they are done with church.

* They wanted community…..and got judgment.

* They wanted to affect the life of the church…..and got bureaucracy.

* They wanted conversation…..and got doctrine.

* They wanted meaningful engagement with the world…..and got moral prescription.

– See more at: comment-19077.

Done with UBF. This 4-point list does describe the experience that some of us have had with American evangelicalism. But it doesn’t explain why so many highly committed people decided that they were done with UBF. That list is more like this.

* They wanted to understand the gospel ….. and were told to go and preach the gospel.

* They wanted to understand why their relationships were so bad and getting worse ..… and were told to go back to the Bible.

* They wanted to understand why the atmosphere felt so dead ..… and were told to invite more people to double the ministry.

* They wanted to actually think about the meaning Scripture ..… and were told to put aside their own ideas and just believe.

* They wanted leaders to just be honest and admit that lots of abusive things have happened and do happen in UBF….. and were met with silence.

* They wanted friends ..… and got coworkers.

* They wanted to stop the insanity of doing the same thing over again at every conference year after year ..… and the result was more of the same.

* They brought serious problems to the attention of leaders in a gentle and respectful manner… and were told “your tone is not right” and “you have overstepped your authority.”

– See more at: comment-19078.

What are your thoughts about why so many bright and promising people are done with UBF ….. even after decades of committed involvement?

Going back to Seminary produces mixed feelings in me. Seminary has been so crucial to my spiritual growth this past year, but the school that I study at is also very conservative. I have to look a certain way (even in the gym there is a dress code), think a certain way (premillennial dispensational), and hold certain political/social views (usually conservative republican). Basically I have to toe the party line and keep the status quo. This is not a necessarily bad thing, it’s a part of being in a community. In the church the “we” is bigger than the “me.” This means that I have to be extra careful in the way I dress, speak, write, blog, etc. Often I have to remain silent on topics that mean so much to me. I have to be careful with the discussions I have with my classmates, I don’t want to pick fights. My prayer is to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. (Please do not misunderstand, I love my school, but I don’t agree with everything. In this post, my goal is not cynicism, but authenticity).

Recently I was talking to a friend who four years ago had been accepted to my school. She was given a free ride and also the option of living off of campus (something that usually never happens,) but she refused. As we were talking, the reason why she refused unraveled. As I shared my love for my school, community and professors, my words resonated with her when I began to talk about the rigidity. It was because of the school’s rigidity, ultimately, that she decided not to study there (I think at that time dancing and any alcohol whatsoever was prohibited, even for professors. I’m not sure if it’s still prohibited).

After that conversation I was riding my bike contemplating our words and Gandhi’s idea of “loving Christ, but not Christians.” And I realized that Christians can come across as nitpicky and ultra-sensitive. Their love can be perceived as conditional because it is only given if you dress, think, vote or write like them. I think this might be one of the reasons why Gandhi felt the way he did toward Christians. (Actually when he was in South Africa he did meet Christians, but he was turned off by their exclusivity. Gandhi was greatly influenced by Christ and he lived out Christ’s words through nonviolence, but he did not like Christians, pretty ironic).

And yet just because a majority of Christians are judgmental, does not mean all Christians are. For example, if Bob judges Jane for the way she dresses and Bob is a Christian, does that mean that all Christians will judge women based on dress code? (Hopefully not).  The problem, however, isn’t Christ, but Bob; the problem isn’t the message, but the messenger. People see Christians and think Christianity is hogwash that creates judgmental bigots and two-faced hypocrites. But that is not true, Jesus Christ embraced all types of people and he sternly rebuked hypocrisy. He taught us to love our enemies, that leaders must serve and that forgiveness is crucial. If people knew the beauty of Christ, it would rock their world. Jesus is the embodiment of both grace and truth and God is love.

The problem is not Christ, the problem is me, the person, the interpreter, the communicator. We often have screwed up pictures of the Bible, gospel, God and the church. Then we impose our personal interpretations on those around us. This causes excruciating pain and broken relationships, which fly in the face of the greatest commandment Jesus gave us in Matthew 22:36-40,

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Do Gandhi’s words resonate with you? Have you been hurt by Christians? What has your experience with Christians been like?

Top 10 Things to Say to your Shepherd

In my experience and observation, these are the statements that will tell you right away if you are dealing with Christian pastors. I have said most of these things (so be careful about where this will take you). There really are some traits ubf leaders do not like.

As I continue refining the final draft of my latest book, I claim that ubf is a Korean Bible cult and has much confusion about their organizational identity. Of course not all ubf chapters are cultic. But my list of redeemed chapters is very short. In fact only Westloop Church is on the list because there is no Penn State ubf that I know of and I have not personally confirmed Waterloo ubf as being redeemed.

So then, drum roll please…here are some statements to share repeatedly to find out if you are in a Christian ministry or you are getting junk food from the pulpit on the altar (well at ubf the pulpit is called the lectern and the altar is called the stage).

10. The Holy Spirit is my shepherd, my teacher and my counselor.

9. What is the gospel?

8. The best example of Jesus’ mission statement is in Luke 4 and John 17.

7. Pope Francis is a Christian.

6. The Holy Spirit prompted me to stop fishing *

5. I’m going to spend this Sunday with my parents.

4. I learned so much from Ben Toh and Joe Schafer’s articles on ubfriends.

3. I found my soulmate and we plan to get married in two years.

2. I’m taking a good job in another city doing what I love to do.

…and the number 1 thing to say to your shepherd:

1. I just read all of BrianK’s books.

[the drawing in this article is by my mother: www.yenserart.com]

* Number 6 would probably cause a Christian pastor to be confused. The word fishing is loaded language that only ubf insiders understand.

Change your words; change your worth

In an earlier article, I mentioned how language dictates reality In this article I will talk about how words change worth. The other day, I was watching a clip about Adam Braun the author of “The Promise of a Pencil.” His book describes his personal journey of starting a “for purpose” business that has opened 200 schools around the world, and he started with only $25. In the book he says, “Change your words, change your worth.” This is why he uses the phrase “for purpose business” instead of “nonprofit.”

For Purpose Business

Once Braun was casually conversing with a business man. It was very engaging until the end of the conversation when the man asked, “So…what do you do?” Once Braun said, “I run a nonprofit…” the man zoned out and lost interest. At that moment, Braun realized that the word nonprofit was not benefiting his cause. He realized he needed to create a new term because no one describes their business/product with a “non.”   For example, no one calls a car company a “non aviation company.” Therefore, he coined the term for purpose business. We say what we are. Just as Mother Theresa would not identify with an anti-war demonstration, but she would participate in a pro-peace rally.

I’m not anti-ubf; I’m pro-Church (big C)

There has been pushback on this blog because of accusations that those who submit articles here only “bash” ubf and try to tear it down. As if the only discussion here is about how bad UBF is. One person asked, “Why is Dr. Ben still in UBF if he complains about it on ubfriends?” I’d like to counter that notion by saying that ubfriends is not anti-ubf. Quite the contrary there is discussion on this forum from both those inside UBF and outside UBF. UBF does not define a person. For example, I am associated with UBF, that’s where I go on Sundays, but my allegiance is not to UBF. My allegiance is to Christ first and foremost. I write not to destroy UBF. It doesn’t matter to me whether one stays or leaves. What matters to me is if one is growing closer to Christ or not. (And growing in Christ can take place outside of UBF.) Furthermore, it is possible to critique one’s church and still love it; it is a critique of love, not malice.

The Church (big C) is much bigger than the organization founded in the 60’s by SL and MB. The church is the entity mentioned in Daniel 2:44-45,

“In the time of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed, nor will it be left to another people. It will crush all those kingdoms and bring them to an end, but it will itself endure forever.  This is the meaning of the vision of the rock cut out of a mountain, but not by human hands—a rock that broke the iron, the bronze, the clay, the silver and the gold to pieces.a stone was cut from a mountain by no human hand.”

The Church is God’s social experiment that began 2000 years ago and spans over time, space, culture, ideologies, etc. The Church is the living body of Christ in Asia, Africa, Europe, the US and even within you and me (Luke 17:21). It is much bigger than UBF. What a privilege to be a part of the body of Christ.

To conclude

Choose your words wisely. As M. Theresa said, “As soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” She wouldn’t go to an anti-war demonstration, but she would attend a pro-peace rally. Personally, as a vegetarian, I am not anti-meat; I’m pro-broccoli. (I live in a house of meat-eaters). And as a closet feminist, I am not anti-men, I’m pro-women. I will spend my time and energy encouraging women to use their voices and speak up. Do not be defined by what you are not, but by what you are.

Are there any words, that you need to change? Are there any negative messages that others tell you or that you tell yourself? How can you make them positive? Comment Below. Share your story.

…And Instead Dwell In Christ

Admin note: Reading Kevin’s testimony, I immediately resonated with what he shared below. I know that the Christian life should be full of love, joy and peace (Gal 5:22), as well an overflowing and abundant life (Jn 10:10b). But after a quarter of a century as a Christian, I was experiencing anger, joylessness and anything but peace–perhaps like Kevin after 26 years of “endless self-pruning” as a Christian, as he vividly shares in Part 2: Lost in my human efforts to love God. The Christian life felt to me very much like such a torturous unbearable drag. At that time I didn’t quite know why. But I knew that I needed to seriously re-evaluate my life as a Christ-follower…and make major drastic changes if I were to restore my joy of intimacy with my Lord. See if you can relate to Kevin pouring out his heart in what he shares below.

Deuteronomy 6:5, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (NIV).

Mark 12:30, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (NIV).

Deuteronomy 6 discusses ways in which, we, as believers, can guard our hearts when we are on the cusp of abundant blessings from God. The Israelites were about to enter the Promised Land, and receive houses and fields that were not theirs. A former slave people would become a nation. On the brink of receiving many blessings, they were in danger of losing their hearts to the world and drifting away from the God who saved them.

For any believer, it is when we are being blessed by God, that we are the most vulnerable in losing our hearts to the temptations of this world. We could end up following the idols of the culture in which we live. We could forget the Lord. We could loose a thankful heart and take all of our blessings for granted. We could even become proud, thinking that all of the blessings we have accumulated actually were procured exclusively by our own “human” efforts. In doing this we end up giving glory to ourselves and not to Christ, who is the actual source of our blessings. Our love for our Savior can grow cold.

Anyway, we know that we must guard our hearts, for God’s blessings are being poured out on us continuously. We are so blessed. We live in one of the most blessed countries of the world. We are living in the most blessed generation. We have freedom of religion and freedom of thought and expression. The greatest blessing is yet to come, the resurrection from the dead into life everlasting in the Kingdom of Heaven where we will live with our Savior Jesus, face to face. But, as a result, we are the most vulnerable generation. We Christians, must make it a point to guard our hearts.

How? Dt 6:5 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Mk 12:30 says. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” I will explore each aspect of devotion, to love the Lord with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. Then I will explore the dangers of continuously trying, with our own human efforts, to become more efficient in showing love for Jesus, verses simply being found in Christ, through faith, and allowing the God, the Eternal Gardener, to prune and perfect our expressions of love to Christ. This will be illuminated by my personal testimony.

Part 1: Suggestions On How To Better Love God: But Be Warned!

People have been endowed by God, with various tools to love the Lord. They can be found in the following verses:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Dt 6:5).

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mk 12:30).

God has given us heart, mind, soul and strength. He has given us these characteristics to love him. He has given us the direction to love him intensity, using these qualities, so as to guard our hearts and protect and nurture our relationship with him, especially in the vulnerable time when we are on the cusp of great blessings.

But be warned, trying to apply these teachings, without having a “vine and branch relationship” (Jn 15:5) with Jesus Christ, can make a person into a disciplined disciple who is depressed and devoid of joy and laughter, limited in their ability to exalt the name of Jesus. With this in mind, we will explore different ways to love God in the modern context. Keep in mind… this is not a check list on how to become more efficient in our walk with the Lord. It is not a blueprint on how to self prune ourselves of our useless branches. It is an ideal that could inspire us as we follow Christ.

First, loving God with all of our heart: A person’s heart is the seat of their passions. We give our hearts to many things. Young people give their hearts to their friends, to music and self improvement. They achieve great things when they give their hearts. Adults give their hearts to their hobbies, families and pursuit of their dreams. They too can achieve great things. Loving God with all of our heart, is loving God with all of our passion. How can we do this? What we are passionate about comes naturally. It is unique for every person. Our passions are somehow related to our giftings. God can redeem our passions and use what we are passionate about, for his glory. Or, a person can do what doesn’t come naturally…forcing their passions to be in line with what they think is loving God. I would not suggest this. This will lead to joylessness.

Second, loving God with all of our soul: We have two components to our being, body and soul. The soul is made in the image of God. With the soul we can commune with God. We can relate to God. We can love God and we can worship God. Loving God with all of our soul means that we worship God. We nurture our relationship with God as we worship, revere and adore him. Loving God with all of our soul is something that spontaneously erupts. It is a response to an encounter with Jesus. It is a result of experiencing God’s grace. We can encourage worship to happen, by joining in worship with the local congregation or a church meeting. But ultimately it is God that causes our soul to overflow with worship and praise. Forcing ourselves to worship him can only go so far.

Third, loving God with all of our mind: Our mind is very powerful. When humans begin to pursue something with their minds, nothing seems impossible. Even extending human life to 200 years, resurrecting a mastodon, or starting a colony on Mars seems possible. Once the mind starts to pursue a topic, it is hard for us to get it out of our minds. There are those who can’t put down a 700 page book until it is completed. Others pursue a hypothesis until they uncover the truth. We can love God with all of our mind. We can read books about God. We can develop mission fields with its many systems and networks with our minds. We can write about God and spiritual life. We can imagine the Kingdom of God and what great things the Gospel will bring to a people group, with our minds. In an attempt to love God, we can discipline our minds to think about Christ honoring things. We can discipline ourselves to engage in daily devotionals etc. But, we can also burn ourselves out, denying our mind to dwell on what it has a passion for and forcing a round block into a square hole for too long.

Fourth, loving God with all of our strength: People have a lot of strength to do things with. We can apply our strength to loving God. God gives us the strength. He inspires us, and loves us, hopes in us. This inspiration, hope and love gives us more strength. We can focus our strength to love Jesus. For example some people get up at 5 am to ensure they have time for devotionals. They sacrifice sleep in order to engage in a mission. We can muster strength to read a spiritual book. We can get a degree in Christian ministry. We can shed useless things in our lives in order go further with the strength we have been given. This is where the danger lies. A person may get so focused on shedding “the baggage” in order to muster more strength to love God, that they actually forget about God. Without a vine and branch relationship with Jesus, they become disciplined in spiritual things but lose the full life that Christ would have for them. The end result is a joyless, yet efficient, life of faith. This is where we fall into burnout if we are not careful. And this brings me to my own testimony.

Part 2: Lost In My Human Efforts To Love God

Now is the time to talk about the dangers of trying to be more and more efficient in our loving God using our own efforts. Out of a deep sincerity of heart, we try to become more disciplined, as we self-prune ourselves, to get rid of few more useless branches from our lives. We try to excise a little more selfishness and self serving tendencies, in order to devote ourselves to our mission, which we equate with loving God. Maybe we could squeeze out a little more offering, devote a little more prayer time, introduce a little more Bible reading, make sure that there is less time for ourselves and our “selfish” pursuits and more time for Jesus and his mission. All of this is done in our sincere quest to love God with all of our hearts, minds, soul and strength.

I operated like this for 26 years, all the while ignoring the importance of dwelling in Christ and finding my peace and rest in him. I largely ignored the truth of being still and knowing that God is control. This way of life helped me to be disciplined and to find my giftings in the Lord, but it also took a great toll on me.

Over the course of two and a half decades, I become very devoted to my mission in the church. So devoted that some days I would sleep for 4-5 hours a day, occasionally having to stop and take a nap in my car. After working all night, I would be up at 2 pm to meet students for Bible study at 230 pm. For over 5 years, I would memorize 10-30 Bible verses every two weeks and write a four page testimonial and travel 140 miles (there and back) to join a meeting. I would leave at 9am and get back at 7pm. I would study the Bible with about six people per week on a 1:1 basis each week. I would write a message weekly and deliver it on Sunday. Every two weeks I would do the Sunday thing with only three hours of sleep. There was a huge expenditure of money. Above tithing, there were conference fees and travel fees and the paying of two mortgages for a few years, one for our home and the other for a church house. On Sunday there were three Bible studies with the kids after the Sunday worship service. All of this was happening, after working full time and raising five kids with my wife. They activities varied over the years, but the intensity of it all carried on for 26 years. At the end of it all, I was running like a machine. I got this way from attempting to cut off one useless branch after another, becoming more efficient in expressing my love for God while ignoring the relationship with Jesus Christ.

The result of this kind of drive for efficiency was both good and bad. The good thing was that I did get to know Jesus better. I got to know my Bible. I grew to be a 1:1 Bible teacher. I could become a Christian mentor. I could lead group Bible studies. I could write and deliver Gospel messages. I could relate to other Christian leaders and work together with them. I prayed. I could write reports about the work of God. I could slowly grow to be a writer and a devotional writer. I could be a networker in the work of God. I could promote missionary support groups.

I am very thankful for these skills that God bestowed. They provide me with the tools I will use, as I serve the Lord Jesus, throughout my entire lifetime, even into the twilight of my life…even in a nursing home, I can serve Jesus with these tools. They are meaningful tools that are bringing about lasting fruit in my life. This is because of Jesus Christ, and the disciplines that I experienced while growing as a disciple and pruning useless branches.

But then there were the bad things. I was very efficient but largely joyless. Years ago I remember being attracted to Afro-American Gospel music and Southern Gospel music. I liked these genres of Christian music because they were full of joy. They were not full of joy, because of the number of people coming to an outreach event, or the numbers of disciples engaged in ministry. They were singing about the Kingdom of God and the Resurrection. They were sincerely celebrating life everlasting with the Lord Jesus forever and ever. Something that I knew about, but was not doing.

And then there was Jn 1:4 that I could not ignore. This verse reads, “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” And also John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” These verses continually knocked on the door of my heart. In Jesus is Life. This life is the light of all mankind. Jesus came to bring life. He came to grant us life to the full. I could not give testimony to these statements. I was not experiencing this life, nor life to the full, and yet I was sincerely trying to follow Jesus for 26 years! Though I was getting super efficient, I was depressed, without laughter, with momentary episodes of joy, and strained relationships. I doubted that anyone would ever choose to follow Christ, by looking at my life. What I was portraying was more, endless “boot camp” training than life in Christ.

In regards to ministry, did such a lifestyle bring about a larger church? Did it attract people to our fellowship? Did it attract missionaries to voluntarily gather to preach the Gospel together? Did it create a fellowship where joy in the Lord was overflowing? Did it create more Bible teachers and spiritual mentors? Did it inspire others to follow what I was doing? No.

After 26 years of trying to make myself more and more efficient in loving God, I saw no prospects for change, operating in that paradigm. Some would have me think that if I just suffered a little longer then the dams of God’s blessing would burst open. I didn’t believe that. Nor do I now. I knew that things would only remain the same, endless self pruning and refinement. I did believe in the parable of the five loaves and two fish. If I just offered what I had, then God would accept that and multiply it. But I was offering up my five loaves and two fish for twenty six years and I was left depressed. Once a thought crossed my mind, “What if I need to offer up my five loaves and two fish” more intensely and sincerely? Maybe then God would bless. When I shared this with a brother in Lord, he laughed. He saw the folly of my legalistic way of thinking. I was really stuck. No one was telling me I was wrong. I appeared to be devoted to the mission and appeared to be loving God with all my strength. But Jesus, seeing, my need, broke the chains himself.

Part 3: The Dawn Of A New Day

Jn 1:4 and Jn 10:10 resounded in my heart. If Jesus came to give us life to the full, then why was I not experiencing life to the full, even after streamlining my efforts for 26 years! I was stuck in a rut. I knew something was missing but didn’t know what. I was hard hearted. But God led me along a painful awakening in 2012 until now. Along this leg of the journey, I came to discover what it means to dwell in the Lord.

Jn 15:5 reads, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

I learned about resting in the Lord and taking the unique yolk that Jesus has for me and my life and my family in this season of living…the Missio Dei in my life.

Mt 11:28-30 reads, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I learned about being still and knowing that God is control.

Ps 46:10 reads, “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’”

Over the last three years Jesus has taught me that loving God with all of my heart, mind, soul and strength, has nothing to do with endless refining and pruning myself to be more efficient. It has everything to do with remaining in Jesus. It has everything to do with allowing God to bear what he wants in my life, in his time and in his way, and not forcing the issue. There is life in Jesus, to be certain. There is life to the FULL in him. There is the fruit if joy, peace and love, but that is not found in self pruning one’s self for decades. It is an outpouring of our relationship with Christ.

Jn 4:14, “but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

I thank God for each leg of my life’s journey thus far. God has grown me into the man I am today. God willing, I will still have 50 more years to serve my Lord Jesus in this world. (That is if I live to 100!) I thank God for his gifts and his blessings and the missions he has called me to. It is now time to enter into the next season of my life and ministry and it not going to be marked by endless self pruning and streamlining of my expressions of love to the Lord. I will be more concerned about having a vine and branch relationship with Jesus. I will, by the grace of God, dwell in his love and allow him to bear his fruit in my life and family. I will allow him to exalt his name through my life. And I will enjoy the life to the full that Christ gives. I will bear testimony to the world, that in Jesus is life, true life and we can have life to the full by faith. I have a great hope that endless, God-honoring fruit will be born. It is God who will nurture and blossom love in my heart, allowing me to love him with intensity. No more endless refinement and self pruning, only remaining in Christ and trusting him.

Today I would like to share with you the most impressive example of empathy I’ve yet come across. If I am blessed with empathy, then my new friend Timothy Kurek is doubly blessed. Timothy Kurek is the author of The Cross in the Closet. Recently he did a TedTalk. Please listen to his story of empathy as it is highly applicable to our UBF situation. Can you walk in the shoes of a former member?

TedTalk: Walking in the Shoes of the Other

You simply have to listen to what Timothy says at 9:55.

Timothy shares about the commonality of humanity. We are all born oblivious to social labels and lived as babies without fear. He asks: Can we re-learn intentional empathy? Timothy thinks so. He shares his own story of intentional empathy, and his amazing experiences with social labels.

How did the Christians in Timothy’s life respond to his intentional empathy? Silence. The silence was overwhelming. The Christians in his life treated him as if he did not exist.

Former member of ubf ought to be able to relate to this. After we left, we became dead to the ministry and had to endure madding silence.

So I ask again. Can you walk in the shoes of the other?

― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

It’s not what you do but how you do it

I’m a vegan. I don’t eat meat or dairy 98% of the time. Sometimes, I eat a little bacon if I really crave it or have milk in my coffee every other blue moon. But for the most part I don’t. And a lot of people have given me flack about it. They ask:

“Where do you get your protein?

Isn’t that unhealthy?

Won’t you wither up and die?

God told Peter to kill and eat all the animals.”

It’s as if, once I share my dietary habits everyone gets defensive about theirs. But everyone has a right to choose how they eat. I’m not writing this to persuade everyone to become vegan, but to say that veganism is also a viable health option.

Let me preface this by saying there is a threshold of health. For example, don’t eat mayonnaise all day or smoke a pack all day. There are basic health practices that should be met, eat your veggies, fruit, exercise, sleep well, get sun, etc. But on the topic of specific daily nutrition there are various opinions from all carbs, to no carbs, to all fruit, to no fruit, to no meat to paleo (which recommends a lot of meat). I can find healthy people who are not vegan and I can find people who are vegan, but only eat potato chips, french fries and oreos (which are vegan.) So the deciding factor is not whether to eat meat or not. The question is not to eat nuts or not. A  panda eats bamboo all day and they’re fat; cows eat grass all day and they are huge. (The problem is they don’t exercise.) Basically I write this long intro about health to say: It’s not what you eat; it’s how you eat. And this is applicable to life. It’s not about what you do, but how you do it.

The importance of the subjective 

I love Kierkegaard’s advice at the top of the page “do it or do not do it; you will regret both.” Kierkegaard also says something along the lines of, “Decision and action are motivated by values, not by facts. No fact by itself can motivate and action. A fact can be the pretrext for action only in the context of values.”

This is something I often wonder about. There is a huge gap between knowledge and action. We all know Diabetes 2 is diet-controlled. We know that cookie or that ciagarette is bad for us, but we still do it. We know that guy is not good for us and that getting $40,000 in debt for school with a degree that does not guarantee a job is not good. We know what we should do. We should sleep earlier, eat less, go on fb less, read more, walk more, exercise more, etc. But we don’t do those things. We know about the starving children but knowing about them is not enough to get one off one’s lazy behind to do something (even though it only takes 2 clicks of a mouse to donate to very trustworthy institutions.) Because ultimately these facts about what we should do are only a pretext for action in the context of values. This is where values come along. One of my old Pastors use to always emphasize “a change in the value system.” As Kirkegaard says, “decision and action are motivated by values, not by facts.”

Value Conflicts and Assumptions

Early I wrote an article entitled Question Everything where I briefly shared about value conflicts and assumptions in gun control. Now I will talk about it using the analogy of veganism. There are many reasons to be vegan, it is cheaper, better for the environment, healthier (The China Study), ethically less chickens and piglets die, etc. But there are also reasons not to be vegan such as, awkward social encounters, discomfort of learning how to cook vegetables, it might be more expensive in the beginning as you get to learn how to cook vegan, etc. Basically the conflict is between well being of self/environment versus self-comfort. You have to change your life style to become vegan, which is always difficult. But if you value health and the environment more than your individual comfort you will make the choice to become vegan. (I’m making value assumptions here, if you see it you can critique me int he comment section.)

The Existential

Honestly every decision boils down to the subjective, not the what, but the how.  We each have our own existential (learned from experience) reasons. There are objective reasons, but those are not the same fore everybody. Actually I wanted to write an article about this because I felt there was an emphasis on the what on this forum i.e. you went to the Midwest Summer Bible Conference, that means you are brain washed and not thinking. It seems similar to the flip side of you don’t do daily bread or write testimonies or one-to one’s? Then you are not a good Christian. (When people hear I go to WL the first thing they ask is, “Do they do Bible Studies?” How is that even a question? What church does not read/study the Bible? That question is loaded; it implies that there is a certain way to do Bible Studies and other ways are not valid.)

Anyways, I blabber on to say that in the end it doesn’t matter what you do. Whether you go to MSBC or eat meat/drink milk or don’t do church activities or go vegan. One is not defined but one’s (in)actions. Someone once phrased the gospel this way: in the world your position is determined by your practice, i.e. you are only a writer if you are published. In the gospel your practice is determined by your position, i.e. you are a writer, so you write. Kierkegaard also writes about this and says, “in a significant sense, you are your values since your selfhood is the wellspring of your actions.” If you truly believe God is good, your actions will show. If you believe He is not good, your actions will show that too. So why do we focus so much on the outer actions and essentialize others i.e. she talks to boys, she’s a flirt, she reads ubfriends she hates ubf, she does yoga, she’s not a Christian, etc.

To conclude

As I said before I’m not trying to guilt trip everyone to eat a certain way, but I’m trying to bring attention to the importance of not what we do per se, but how we do things. Let’s not essentialize others based on their actions, where they go on Sunday (or where they don’t go). What church activities they interact with or don’t interact with. This doesn’t mean to be apathetic about everything; it means to be okay with people being different or you yourself being the different one. People always give me flack for trying to be vegan and million other things I do, but I have my reasons. They don’t always make sense to others though.

Do you agree that it’s not what you do but how you do it? Have you been essentialized for doing something? What value conflicts do you see in your life i.e. loyalty-honesty, freedom of speech-security, tradition-novelty, individual responsibility-collective responsibilty ?

Additional Resources

Value Conflicts and Assumptions for Critical Reading

Group Bible Study
The high light of the conference for me was group bible study. For some very bizarre reason I was the “bible teacher” for a group that included 2 seminary professors, 2 UBF missionaries that had been Christians longer than I have been alive, and a missionary from South East Asia. I had mixed feelings about this, since on one hand I could do what I wanted, on the other hand I felt like Dr. Augustine or Dr. John Yoon should lead the bible study. I made it clear we wouldn’t be using the bible study questionnaire and things went very well. My friend Ivan said after this he would give Jesus another chance and I really felt that the Holy Spirit guide the conversation. At times certain people would occupy the conversation for a long time but then others would speak and overall it was one of the better (if not the best) group bible study I have had.

Testimonies
In contrast the testimonies were by and large boring and tiring. It was beyond obvious that they had been carefully scripted and edited. Of course when this is brought up it is denied but for everyone who has ears let them hear that nothing that was spoken from a stage this weekend wasn’t preapproved and checked. The Pauline Three Part testimony was in literally everything, from messages to mission reports, from reflections in the small group to the presider’s introductions. It led to a dry and tiring experience at best, at worst it implied that Jesus always works the same way in everyone, turning absolute terrible excuses for people with no redeeming qualities into people ready to throw their dreams and goals away for world mission. Some of these were truly moving, like John Peace and Philip Brown but when they were good it was because they broke the mold. Ivan (who later commented that he liked this conference) walked out on literally every single one of these.

Presiding
This leads me to my last point. I was asked to preside and was emailed with instructions to give a short life testimony and a description of where I was with God. As I started to read my testimony I was strongly convicted that this was the wrong thing to do. Although there are a lot of good things that have happened in my life, I simply did not want to share them. My life has been checkered in parts and as I looked at what was written I realized that it would create in many people a feeling of pity, pity that I did not want. If this makes me proud so be it, but simply couldn’t bring myself to say all those things to a group of strangers who would not be able to relate nor fathom what I was saying- to a group of people who (as I have experienced) do not understand how mental illness works.  I am not a product of my mother’s condition, and I felt like I did not trust people enough to tell them of my past. I was very sparse with details and when I gave where I was with Christ I chose not to simply say a list of activities I was involved in. For me this is not what following Jesus means. “If righteousness could be attained from the law Christ died for nothing.” At best these things are a glimpse at what Jesus was doing in me, and so I shared my true feelings- that I struggled how to be fearlessly humble. I struggle with loving my enemy as myself and how to love those who disagree with me.
Who was this conference for?
There was a claim that this conference was for new people. I realize now that there are different definitions of this word. Ivan was by anyone’s definition “new” but my pastor asked if he had a Christian background. When he said yes my pastor was relieved because “otherwise it may have been awkward.” This conference was not for “new people”. It was for people like me. “New” in the sense that they have been in UBF for a few years. It was a chance for them to show how they were “growing” in Christ by giving them tasks at this conference. It was evident from all that was testified, in the nearly singled minded emphasis on “making a confession of faith.” If a college student with no knowledge of Jesus had been taken off the street they would have left knowing they should follow Jesus and that they would have life, but no idea of who he is, what he is (beyond “The Lord”), why he is. They would know that following him leads to eternal life, but not why this is to be desired. They would know nothing of his great commands, nothing of the resurrection. They would know nothing of the Holy Spirit. So in that sense I feel that these (to give our conference creators the benefit of the doubt) were assumed to be known, and so this conference was for those who were given roles in the conference.

In closing, I had a fun time with lots of friends. I really loved the songs and music. I loved seeing my friends and the bible study was very inspiring. I am not sure if I will go again, especially since the next one is in Colorado. But I don’t regret going, as with all things it could have been better.

Forestsfailyou

Luke 9: 25

“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?”

Desmond Tutu once said: “The church is meant to be a failing community”

“Follow me” are the most repeated words that Jesus ever said. It’s worth noting that Jesus’ most repeated command was not an imperative to a specific action (pray 5 times a day or recite a mantra) but an invitation to a relationship, “Follow me” means “come to me.” In this article my purpose is to answer the question: why would anyone ever want to be a Christian?

In order to answer that we must first define “Christian.” A Christian is a follower of Jesus Christ, someone who lives as Jesus Christ lived. How did Jesus Christ lived? He lived radically counter-culturally. My least favorite Bible verse is the one where it says, “But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” And a close second is, “Forgive us as we have forgiven our debtors.” Jesus’ life was a life of tears. On his way to Jerusalem in Luke he weeps bitterly for the people saying, “If only you knew.” Jesus Christ lived a life of love that ultimately got him killed. The Beatitudes talk about the blessing of meekness and persecution. In Jesus’ economy those are valued. Jesus lived the life of a vagabond with out any earthly treasures. He often went without food or sleep and not only that, but he did not claim any ownership on His own life. He only did what his Father told him. Christianity can be summed up in 3 words: humility, humility and humility. Jesus promises a life of persecution, isolation, poverty and hunger, so I reiterate my question why would anyone ever want to be a Christian? And another question quite similar is, “why would anyone ever want to have kids?”

In order to answer this question fully we must consider the alternatives. If Jesus is not my Christ then who is? What hit me in the message by Dan Bokenfield was his question: have you ever lied? We are all liars and we are all untrustworthy. Am I a better Christ than Jesus could be?

I am not a better Christ. I cannot be my own savior. Looking back on my life I find many reasons why I am the way I am. First, when I was 14 my family and I were uprooted from the US and replanted in Ukraine, a developing country. I learned from an early age that friends forget you and are not there for you. Living as an expat, I’ve had to say goodbye to so many friends that my heart has been hardened by it. Secondly, when I was 18, I was literally shipped off to Turkey. My family took a cruise from Ukraine to Turkey and left me in a country where I only knew 4 people and not a word of the language. I remember begging them not to leave me; I was only 18. And thirdly, after that I was part of church that was not very healthy and was in a couple of abusive relationships. Basically, in my life I’ve learned that everyone lets me down, my friends and even my loving family who are limited by time and distance. Even the authors and philosophers that I read turn out to be crazy and racist. Growing up and realizing this early on has caused me to depend on myself and trust no one. This often seeps into my relationship with Christ.

Words like “submission” and “self-denial” are very unpleasant for me. I am afraid of losing my identity. I fear losing control over my plans. My plans to travel the world, spreading light and love and focusing solely on my own comfort and enjoyment. I am afraid of submitting my future into God’s hands because I don’t want my life to be boring and lackluster. So why would I ever desire to be a Christian?

The only possible answer is love. I am madly in love with Jesus Christ. I have never met anyone like him. All the other men I’ve met have been proud and arrogant and let me down, but Jesus has never let me down and never will. I love him to the point where I will reconcile myself with someone I despise because I don’t want that argument to get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. Jesus is the only one who has never let me down these past 26 years and he’s the only one that’s been by my side. He is the only one who puts up with my tears and complaints and fears and ingratitude.

This quote from Dorothy Sayers describes Jesus pretty well:

“Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this Man there never has been such another. A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, never flattered or coaxed or patronised; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as “The women, God help us!” or “The ladies, God bless them!”; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously; who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no axe to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unselfconscious.” 

From Steve Stasinos message the examples of John Newton and Nate Saint showed that following Jesus is not a one time thing; it is iterative. Also, in this passage Luke 9, it says to pick up one’s cross daily. This means it is a life long decision for these next possible 80 or 54 years left on earth. This is really hard. The Lord knows how I struggle with anger, bitterness and unforgiveness. I constantly pray for God to give me sweetness so that instead of seeking revenge I seek to bless those who have slapped me (metaphorically).

My prayer this summer has been not to put anything on my plate that God has not put there. I am a planner and on the Martha/Mary scale I am a Martha, super type A and dictorial because I don’t want to miss out on anything in life. I feel like I have to prove that I’m smart and justify my existence (I think this stems from some bullying/insecurities in grade school).

But chasing after my own glory is tiring and consuming and ultimately futile because I am only one person and honestly my sphere of influence is so small. And as one member in our group Bible study aptly noted we are probably never ever going to be as famous as Taylor Swift. So why am I seeking world fame?

I really am coming to grips with reality that my plans for my life are so petty. This life I have is a gift and I don’t know what to do with it. They say you don’t really own something until you are willing to lose it. I love my life and that is the exact reason why I want to put it in JC’s hands because I love and trust him and know that life is too precious a thing to waste.

To conclude, after looking at the evidence and seeing that I’m only 26 and make a lot of stupid mistakes and say a lot of stupid things that hurt people. It would be best to give up any claim on my life. I don’t have any plans for my life, but JC can take dirty water and make it into sweet wine. He can take a demon-possessed man and adulterous woman and change them into his messengers. My idea to make a name for myself is so small and petty and doesn’t even benefit anyone. So in light of the argument I would ask another question: why would anyone ever not be a Christian? What is the better alternative? To hold on to my bitterness and live a life seeking revenge? Or is it to live a life to please the 5 senses? Do I want to focus on money so I can eat better food or pleasure so that my body can feel good. Or just find a nice guy and move out to suburbia and raise some kids? What else is out there?

Why are you a Christian? Why are you not a Christian? What do Jesus’ words ‘follow me’ mean to you? Do you agree with my definitions of ‘Christian’ and ‘follow me’? Did you go to MSBC 2015? If so, what did you learn?

A Quick Recap

In my Part 1, my opening article, I shared that I would address three concerns that non-affirming Christians have posed to me. I agree with their concerns. Here is a summary of how I would address those concerns.

a) The non-affirming conscience rightly concerns about the holiness of God. Are we disobeying God? What is God up to?

My response: In Part 2, I shared that I see God at work in the “gay debates” in three ways: The disarming of religious authorities, the unleashing of freedom (break every enslavement) and the deconstruction of male-dominated patriarchy. I shared what I experienced from worshipping and interacting with LGBTQIA people. I did not see the holiness of God being violated by affirming these people and their desire to get married. Instead, I have seen a more robust examination of the gospel, a restoration of purpose for the church, an excitement about life and several gifts, which include a better understanding of holiness.

b) The non-affirming conscience rightly concerns about our children. Are we setting a bad example? How do we break through the hostility?

My response: In Part 3, I shared the stories and history about Alan Turing, and his royal pardon by the Queen of England decades after his death. The Queen’s affirming stance toward Turing is a positive example of setting a good example. One way to break through the hostility is with empathy, going beyond the right vs wrong arguments. It will indeed take decades to sort out what’s been happening. My hope is that the church can have enough compassion to listen and to step back and see the bad example and injustice that has been done to gender and sexual minorities.

c) The non-affirming conscience rightly concerns about immorality. Are we on a slippery slope? What restraint do we have?

Here is my response, Part 4.

Some Questions

Is it possible to maintain moral fortitude, gospel consistency and also affirm same-sex marriage? My contention is yes. Many theologians, such as Richard B. Hays, have left this door open. Matthew Vines, David Gushee, Jim Brownson and the other Reformation Project activists are going through that door.

Some ask: Aren’t you on a slippery slope? What’s next, a man marrying his teddy bear? My first answer is yes, we my indeed be on a slippery slope. However, are we not supposed to live by faith? Does not our Lord call us to go and brave the slippery slope?

Some Actions I Do Not Affirm

When I say I am “affirming” I need to point out that I do not affirm the following:

• I do not affirm abuse of others with sex
• I do not affirm excess of sexual activity or promiscuity
• I do not affirm rape, prostitution or pedophilia
• I do not affirm adultery, polygamy or incest
• I do not affirm revising Scripture

Some Actions I Do Affirm

What then, specifically do I affirm when I claim to be “affirming”?

• Celibacy as a gift for some
• Faithful kinship bonds between two people
• Civil debate and disagreement
• Revisiting, rereading and reassessing Scripture
• Love

How do we have moral restraint?

One of my contentions is that Gentile Christians do not live under the supervision of the moral codes in the Old Covenant. Hebrews 8 is the primary source of this contention. The Old Covenant is obsolete. We are no longer under the law. I see the Bible teaching us three ways Christians have moral restraint. It is my belief that such things give the church confidence to navigate the sexual landscape in an affirming manner.

• The power of the Holy Spirit
• The guidance of love and justice
• The wisdom of hermeneutics

The Redemptive Movement Hermeneutic

I want to briefly introduce a hermeneutical approach to reading the Bible developed by a man named William Webb. He used his own principles to arrive at a non-affirming stance toward LGBTQIA people. However, when you study his own work, you can find shortcomings in his application of his own hermeneutic. If he applied his own work more objectively, he would actually arrive at a far more affirming stance toward LGBTQIA people.

Webb’s work has received much criticism from both sides. Affirming people disagree with his conclusions about homosexuals. Non-affirming people disagree with his approach, because he pushes the boundaries of “Biblical authority”.

In my armchair theologian mind however, Webb’s approach is brilliant and gives a good starting framework to speak intelligently about the Bible in various contexts.

The core principle of Webb’s hermeneutic is called the X>Y>Z principle.

“Within the model, the central position (Y) stands for where the isolated words of the Bible are in their development of a subject. Then, on either side of the biblical text, one must ask the question of perspective: What is my understanding of the biblical text, if I am looking from the perspective of the original culture (X)? Also, what does the biblical text look like from our contemporary culture, where it happens to reflect a better social ethic-one closer to an ultimate ethic (Z) than to the ethic revealed in the isolated words of the biblical text?”

William Webb: “Slaves, Women, and Homosexuals: Exploring the Hermeneutics of Cultural Analysis”, pg 31

Further reading:

As Easy as X-Y-Z

The Evangelical Theologian and William Webb’s Redemptive-Movement Hermeneutic: A Theological Analysis

The Imitation Game

A Royal Pardon in 2013 for Turing

Alan Turing holds a special place in my life, since I am a computer engineer. My entire livelihood is due in large part to Turing’s mathematical genius. Today I learned more of his story and read about an amazing act of mercy that occurred in 2013.

Alan Turing was convicted of homosexuality in 1952 in Great Britain. Yes that’s right. To be gay in England just 50+ years ago was a crime. The punishment was 2 years in prison or castration by chemicals. Turing chose the chemicals. He committed suicide not long after (His cause of death is still up for debate however).

“Society didn’t understand Alan Turing or his ideas on many levels but that was a reflection on us, not on him – and it has taken us 60 years to catch up.”

Human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell said: “I pay tribute to the government for ensuring Alan Turing has a royal pardon at last but I do think it’s very wrong that other men convicted of exactly the same offence are not even being given an apology, let alone a royal pardon.
“We’re talking about at least 50,000 other men who were convicted of the same offence, of so-called gross indecency, which is simply a sexual act between men with consent.”

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-25495315

(The picture may be the response of some on “both sides” to “the other side.”)

What I will no longer say. Probably until a few years ago, I would have stated boldly and unequivocally, “According to the Bible, homosexuality is a sin.” But I won’t say this any more. It is not because I’m afraid of being “blasted” or “labeled,” which is actually kind of fun. But it is for these reasons:

First, I’d much rather say, “God loves homosexuals, and I love you too.”

Second, it’s because I have a much stronger, better, positive and affirmative message of the good news of God’s grace to declare unashamedly and primarily (Ac 20:24).Third, so why would I make any statement that turns off, offends, infuriates and even hurts and wounds a large segment of the world? They are the majority of the non-religious world, and an increasing number in the Christian world, especially those who enthusiastically support monogamous homosexual unions? Surely I have a much more appealing, lovely and marvelous declaration of the gospel to proclaim than to make any negative statement that enrages people, sometimes to highly volatile and emotional levels.

Fourth, making statements–regardless of whether it is right or wrong, true or false–that simply breaks the communication and relationship is unwise. It is foolish and a detriment to the gospel of God’s kindness, forbearance/ tolerance/ restraint and patience (Rom 2:4). This often creates a permanent barrier before the two sides can even begin any meaningful dialogue or conversation.

An ostrich hiding its head in the ground. In recent weeks I’ve been reading and watching blogs and videos from “both sides” of the homosexual marriage debate. So, I’m an inexperienced novice on this topic, which I’ve barely skimmed the surface of. It’s also not my “area of interest.” I’d much rather read “boring Bible commentaries” and live with my head in the clouds! Presently, in order to preach through Isaiah, I’m reading 5-7 Bible commentaries on Isaiah, which completely appeals to and satisfies my cerebrally and intellectually inclined introversion. But I should be an informed Christian who is not entirely like an ostrich with his head in the sand. So I felt compelled to at least begin to look into the homosexual marriage debate–without digging my heels resolutely into any particular position.

Can both sides be right? There are so many arguments, so much analysis, and so much explanations and detailed exegesis of the same biblical texts supporting completely diametrically opposite conclusions…and with both sides insisting they are right!

Cisgender. One thing that struck me recently was the use of new words, phrases and vocabulary that I’m unfamiliar with. I was recently surprised to find out that I’m a “cisgender.” My limited understanding is that it is a term popular among some activists and scholars. Personally, my preference is to be referred to as either “male,” “a man,” or “heterosexual male.” I hope this is not offensive (it is not intended), especially to those who are ambiguous about their sexuality and may not like such black and white clear cut and precise distinctions and definitions.

Non-affirming. Next, I felt that the phrase “non-affirming” is being increasingly used by those who are strongly supportive of homosexual unions. In Brian’s recent comments, he stated that he regards as “affirming” only those who are celebratory of homosexual unions. I have to confess that I had a discordant and dissonant inner reaction to this. It is probably because it immediately puts Christians who are anything but celebratory and in full agreement of homosexual unions on the defensive. Then no matter how much Christians are genuinely gentle, tender, kind, compassionate, respectful, empathetic, sympathetic, embracing and loving toward homosexuals, they would always be defined negatively and categorized as “non-affirming.” Even a genuinely loving gracious non-imposing tolerance would always be regarded as “non-affirming.” I guess I am empathetic toward anyone who disagrees with homosexual unions being labeled as “non-affirming.”

I think I understand that a lot of the gender language today is a backlash and retaliation toward those who have treated homosexuals and transgenders horribly, violently and with prejudice, disgust and contempt (both historically and currently). This is inexcusable and reprehensible, especially if one claims to be a Christian and to love God and to love his neighbor, even his enemy.

Nonetheless, in my opinion, to center or impose upon the world of gender and sexuality (which includes everyone) based on the preferred language of non-heterosexuals can be just as offensive and unloving as heterosexual Christians being opposed to homosexual unions.

Would it not be equivalent to those who are celebratory of monogamous heterosexual unions regarding anyone who is not pumped and excited about it as being “non-affirming”?

Am I over-stating my argument? Am I being offensive or unloving by voicing my reaction toward the “new” gender vocabulary such as “cisgender,” and especially “non-affirming”?

A Chinese protestor blocks a line of tanks heading east on Beijing’s Changan Blvd. June 5, 1989 in front of the Beijing Hotel. The man, calling for an end to the violence and bloodshed against pro-democracy demonstrators at Tiananmen Square, was pulled away by bystanders, and the tanks continued on their way.

Before you read this article please watch this clip. This is one of my favorite clips of all time: Tank Man Raw Footage

If you do not know who this man is, he is known as the tank man and the event is the protest of Tiananmen Square June 5, 1989 (the year I was born, an auspicious year!)

Every time I watch this footage or look at the clip I get chills. Yet this man remains unknown to this day. He disappeared into the crowds shortly after his “moment of self-transcendence.” Not only is this man’s identity a mystery, but so are the details of the event itself, the student protest of Tiananmen Square. The Chinese government has never disclosed the actual number of deaths. The Chinese government wants to play it off as if it never happened. They will not acknowledge that they were wrong while the students were right. Read the TIME’s 1989 cover story: here

This brings me to the point of this article stated in the sub-title: language defines reality. The one who tells the story controls the narrative. This has been repeated over and over again in history. Let me give some examples.

Armenian Genocide

I did my undergrad in Turkey. There, we were required to take a class on Turkish History. The professor was exceptional, except for one thing; she was in denial about the Armenian genocide (1915-1918; estimated deaths 1.5 million) . She taught that 1 million Armenians simply died from the difficult trek across Turkey. Even when I asked my class mates about this event, they had no opinion on it. It just didn’t happen or the fact that it happened or not did not matter to them.

Holodomor

I also lived in Ukraine for 6 years. Everyone knows about the Holocaust (1938-1945) where 6 million Jews were killed and 5 million non-Jews. But what about the artificial famine in Ukraine (1932-1933) were 7 million Ukrainians were starved to death, not because of a lack of food but because of a ruthless decree? The world did not know about it and foreign correspondents who knew kept quiet. Even today so many people don’t know about it. Watch a trailer on it: here.

Injustice like this continues to happen today. When I was in Ukraine this time last year a Malaysian airliner was shot down.

“Russia, however, denied all allegations it supplied weaponry to the rebels and has instead suggested a Ukrainian military plane had flown within firing range of the airliner just before it came down. The Ukrainian government rejected the claims.”

If Russia did not supply the weaponry, who did? It is obvious that Ukraine lacks the military artillery to bring down a plane. Moreover, that week Ukrainian planes had been shot down, so are they saying that Ukrainians are shooting their own planes? Not only that but when Media blames the “Pro-Russian Separatists” Who do you think is funding the pro-Russians? Think about it.

Anyway I write this article not so that all those reading will think the same way that I do, but so that those reading will see how language dictates reality. Communist governments have taken advantage of this. Look at North Korea, they indoctrinate their people with the idea that they are the best, that they live in plenty and that the outside world is their enemy. Their reality is spoon fed to them by their government.

The same thing happens here in the US. Everyone eats up what the media gives them. The problem is not a lack of education or resources, but a lack of interest. Ray Bradbury said, “You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.” My plea for those who read this is to get educated on the Armenian Genocide, Holodomor, Darfur , Arab-Israeli Conflict, Tiananmen Square, etc. Do not just eat up everything on tv. Do that brave tank man justice and hear his story. Do not let the government rob him of his identity a second time.

I want to finish with a quote from Azar Nafisi:

“I want to remind you of what Nabokov wrote when he was asked to tone down his criticism of the Soviet Union during World War II: ‘Governments come and go, only the trace of genius remains.’ That statement certainly came true for Eastern Europe. When you tell your own story, you take control over reality. In Iran, reality had power over us. And one way of negating that control was by telling our own stories. When you tell your story from your own perspective, then those people lose their power. It’s like Scheherazade, in A Thousand and One Nights. She changed the King through telling the story, and that was the whole idea of my book.”

What are your reactions to this article? Have you heard about the Tiananmen Square Masssacre, the Armenian Genocide, Holodomor or the Malaysian Airliner shot down July 2014 before? Do you agree that language determines reality? What is the story that you will share with the world? Do you  Question Everything?

Additional Reading:

5 Things You Should Know About the Tiananmen Square Massacre

I plan to continue sharing each summary. Feel free to jump in at any time. I hope to share my reactions to questions posed to me from time to time by people of the non-affirming conscience. Whenever I say “God is love”, the response is often, “But God is holy.” The non-affirming conscience rightly concerns about the holiness of God. Are we disobeying God? What is God up to? Is there any possibility that God could be doing a new thing among gender and sexual minorities?

How do Christians navigate any change or issue?

When faced with new realities and cultural shifts, Christians begin and end with the gospel. Christians live as citizens of the kingdom of God. Christians face the facts of new realities with hope and compassion for the marginalized, and a passion for justice.

Christians look not only to the Bible but at least 2 other sources. Christians consider the prompting of the Holy Spirit, the lessons from Tradition, the human testimony of experience, and also sound, logical reasoning.

For example, how does a church react when an elderly couple asks to be blessed with the sacrament of marriage? Do they quote verses about “be fruitful”? Do they demand celibacy for the couple? For most churches, the answer is no, the couple would be allowed to marry even though there is no chance of children being born.

A word about holiness and obedience

To be holy is a valid Christian concern. To be holy is to be “set apart”. I would ask us to consider what we are set apart for? I contend that the holiness Jesus taught is very different from the holiness the Pharisees taught. Holiness is no longer about obeying a holiness code.

To be holy means to be willingly contaminated with the physical world, trusting that our heart and soul are kept pure by the hand of God.

Who is the most holy person you can think of? Mother Theresa is a common answer. She died September 5, 1997 in Kolkata, India. She is the one who lived her life in the contamination of the world, surrounded by the outcast. We seem to be so afraid of being physically or socially or spiritually contaminated that we avoid the very places that would strengthen our holiness and help bring about redemption to those around us. Jesus ate and drank with prostitutes. Does our idea of holiness allow us to do the same?

What new reality are we seeing?

Some have claimed we are seeing waves of sin and immorality and disobedience. Others claim we are in the end-times apocalypse. My contention is that we are seeing the kingdom of God coming to earth in a new wine fashion. I contend that we are seeing three reformations:

-The disarming of religious authorities
-The unleashing of freedom (break every enslavement)
-The deconstruction of male-dominated patriarchy

The “male and female” thread in the Bible

I contend further that we are seeing the binary wineskin of “male and female” bursting in society around us. People tend to quote Genesis 5:2 and point out that God created “male and female” in the beginning. I agree. I would point out that the end of the “male and female” thread in the Bible is Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” NIV.

Questions for discussion

Why is everything outside of “male and female” considered broken or disordered?

What does the bible condemn in regard to our modern, non-male/female term “homosexuality”?

In light of the male/female binary fading away, might we revisit the meaning of marriage?

How can we sustain “hate the sin, love the sinner”?

Should the church be the safest place to work this out?

How can we say that practicing homosexuality is any different from the desire of homosexuality?

Why I am fully affirming

Please note that I am NOT affirming gay sex orgies or immorality. I am ONLY affirming same-sex marriage. My claim is that sex is no longer sin in the confines of marriage.

I see three corrections gender and sexual minorities are already bringing to the church. This is the subject of my Lambhearted Lion book:

A more robust understanding of the gospel
-Move beyond atonement toward reconciliation
-Revisit Scripture without “male and female”

A restoration to the purpose of the church
-Are we sin police? Who is King? Who is Lord?

An excitement about philosophy and theology of life
-A gay Christian inspired me to return to church!

I also see three gifts gender and sexual minorities are already bringing to the church. This is the subject of my New Wine book:

The gift of heart
-Move toward courage, hope, compassion

The gift of holiness
-Deeper understanding of unity, conscience and purity

The gift of celebration
-All-surpassing joy of hospitality, marriage, celibacy

Our Purpose

I am not going to hide or filter my purpose in having these conversations. I and many others are working to develop a Bible-based, gospel-centered approach to gender and sexual minority inclusion in the Christian church. I realize this puts me outside the gates of the visible church, Christendom. My claim is that I am not outside the Christian faith by welcoming and including LGBTQIA people. I am referring specifically to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersexual and asexual people. Our inclusiveness however does not stop there. We believe our theology is a gospel-centered approach toward any and every oppressed people, especially those oppressed or outcast by the white, male-dominated hierarchy that has existed around the world for eons.

What I Affirm

In the LGBTQIA world, there are “affirmers”, those who affirm and welcome same-sex marriage and the genuine self-narratives of LGBTQIA people. And there are “non-affirmers”, those who do not affirm such things. We believe these terms are neutral, meaning these terms do not necessarily imply rightness or wrongness of either side. The terms merely acknowledge our differences and give us a starting, civil framework.

I think it is important to notice that both affirmers and non-affirmers can have some common Christian ground. For example, I affirm the following:

• Authority of Scripture
• Desire to please and obey God
• Value of moral fortitude
• Gratitude toward the church
• Love for all people

Where do we begin?

For me, the conversation about any social issue or human condition begins and ends with the gospel. The gospel is Jesus the Messiah. This is the best starting point, and really the only starting point I can find that has any chance of bringing about the unity Jesus expects from His followers. We know many facts about Jesus: His birth, life, suffering, death, resurrection, ascension and return. The good news is an announcement and proclamation that God has entered our world and is eager to live among us, both in bodily form 2,000 years ago and in the form of the Spirit now. When we read the Bible we see five key messages or results of this gospel: grace, glory, salvation, peace and the kingdom. We see the themes of the gospel at work: forgiveness, freedom, fulfillment, Love, reformation, reconciliation, repentance, justice and so forth. Any conversation about society, for Christians, centers around these gospel topics.

Meet some of the Reform Leaders

One of my goals in the presentation is to introduce people to some leading reformers who have some remarkable visions for the church. One of the most dynamic and effective leaders is Kathy Baldock. She lives in Nevada and created a wonderful “hiking ministry”, where she goes on hikes through the mountains.

I was fortunate to talk with Kathy during the cohort (and get a signed copy of her book!) What Kathy’s book brings to the table is the historical, medical and non-religious perspectives. This is so very important for the church to consider, in light of Galileo, left-handed people and interracial families. Her book is a great place to begin the conversation.

Book to begin with: “Walking the Bridgeless Canyon”

“If you read only one book on the history of LGBT rights, the culture, psychotherapy, religious reactions, and what the Bible really says about being gay, Walking the Bridgeless Canyon should be it. It is well-researched, compelling, and eye opening. If this book had existed when I became an anti-gay Christian activist, I would have questioned if what I was doing was truly Gods will or if it was nothing more than a man-made construct meant to maintain white heterosexual male dominance on the backs of gay people and women.”

–Yvette Cantu Schneider, former policy analyst at
Family Research Council, former director of women’s
ministry at Exodus International

Respect for Conscience

Can we make a deal? Those who do not affirm samesex marriage are not bigots or full of hatred automatically. Can we agree that those who do affirm samesex marriage are not going to hell automatically?

My hope is that starting with this handshake (no hatred/no hell), the church can be healed and move forward in a God-honoring manner. The next three parts of my presentation are the following:

Part 2: The non-affirming conscience rightly concerns about the holiness of God. Are we disobeying God? What is God up to?

Part 3: The non-affirming conscience rightly concerns about our children. Are we setting a bad example? How do we break through the hostility?

Part 4: The non-affirming conscience rightly concerns about immorality. Are we on a slippery slope? What restraint do we have?

How would you answer these questions? What thoughts do you have about this topic? I am sharing these presentations publicly in order to give some time for critical feedback and challenge to my thoughts.

Before we began our lecture we read a chapter from James KA Smith’s book, “Desiring the Kingdom: Worship, Worldview and Cultural Formation.” In the first chapter, “Homo Liturgicus” Smith proposes that first and foremost humans are lovers, not thinkers and believers. There is a huge gap between our knowledge and our actions. Most of our lives are live out of habit, on auto pilot. And our habits are the fulcrums of our love.

Walking down Michigan Avenue, one will see the gods of capitalism and consumerism held in their temples of Gucci, Jimmy Choo and Apple Stores. We discussed the question of whether America is a Christian nation. And even more importantly is there such thing as a Christian nation? We talked about the cross in the US being painted red, white and blue. We discussed the art on the White House. In particular there is the “Progress of Civilization” by Thomas Crawford on display in the pediment over the east entrance to the Senate Wing of the US Capitol http://www.aoc.gov/capitol-hill/other-sculpture/progress-civilization-pediment.

In the center it shows the figure of America an eagle and the sun. On the left, one sees the progress of the white man from a child, to merchant, to soldier, to mechanic. On the right, however, it portrays an Indian chief, mother and child and finally an Indian grave. When you assess the art work of the white house you will see who/what is valued, what race is glorified. Nationalism in any form is inherently racism because it implies that one race deserves the power. Innocent blood is always shed for a nation to be formed; read the history of the US, Turkey, Israel, etc.

One of my pet peeves is a myopic view of US history. It’s as if people think the civil rights movement ended in the 60’s and it’s a topic that need not be opened anymore. Someone yesterday was pestering me with statistics proving the greater likelihood of being shot by a black man as opposed to a white man. As if being black means one is more likely to be trigger happy and jail prone. As if white/asian people would have never succumbed to violence if the tables had been switched historically.

Read a comic about racial privilege here: http://digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/ People forget how slaves were beaten and mutilated for running away. Or the fact that the US is so rich because it was built on the backs of slaves (free labour). Or the fact that buses and restaurants were still segregated in the 50’s and 60’s.

Read more about racism in the US today here: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/28/opinion/nicholas-kristof-is-everyone-a-little-bit-racist.html?_r=0.

Of course, I’m not saying that there is no such thing as personal responsibility of sin or that if you’re black you’re automatically innocent of any wrong because of the past injustices in US history. I am not saying all white people are evil or that they never are on the receiving end of injustice.

What I am saying is that “white privilege” is an academic term describing phenomena that does exist empirically. I still remember how my friend told me, when her family were driving a rented car in southern Illinois they were stopped and held at gun point because the police thought they stole the car. When people talk about “white privilege” don’t take it personally and be offended. Racism nowadays exists but it has become internalized. People aren’t even aware of their racist tendencies and that is what makes it all the more threatening. There is no hope for resolution if there is only denial of any wrong doing.

These are the thoughts that have been running though my head especially on the 4th. I am a US citizen and my heart soars whenever I read the preamble to the declaration of independence:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,  that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

But I would add that these rights are not unique to only a certain color or even just to Americans, but to every human, every race, tribe, language, etc. I want to finish this with a quote by Azar Nafisi, an Iranian.

“Have I made it clear enough that people, no matter where they come from, all like to be free? That freedom is not a Western idea? There was one more thing about that myth the myth of America, that I wanted to mention. The way some people talk about so called Muslim societies as if they are sort of trapped by what they call culture and religion, and there is no way that they can change. But this is a double standard, because we should remember that in the West, in the mid-nineteenth century, women did not have the right to vote, that there were many people in the U.S. and Europe who were saying that a woman’s place was in her home, and that the Bible says so. America has a history of slavery until the late 1950’s and early 1960’s the buses and restaurants were segregated and a lot of blood was shed in order for African Americans to gain equality. And the arguments that were used against women and against abolition are the same kind of arguments that are now used against change in relation to women’s rights in Muslim majority countries. Because, if Sharia laws are Muslim culture, then slavery and burning witches in Salem are the culture of this country, not Emerson and Thoreau and Martin Luther King. And the Inquisition is the culture of Europe, not St. Thomas Aquinas or Dante or Cortes. People should understand that we have our Hafez and Rumi and great poets and great philosophers, and that we also have a set of traditions that are regressive and oppressive and need to be changed (Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran, pg 368).”

What is your view of US history? What is your view of “white privilege”?

Additional Resource:

This is a lecture by a Moody Professor Dr. Michael Mcduffee entitled, “White Privelege: A Sacred Legacy of America’s Civil Religion.” The power point presentation is also on the link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cl_edM2gaeQ

In this passage our Lord is brought a man who is paralyzed. After proclaiming his sins are healed Jewish leaders accuse him of blasphemy. At this Jesus heals the man and sends him away. The second part is on the calling of Matthew.

The Paralyzed Man healed

What can be said about this passage? First and foremost Jesus has authority to forgive sins. Jesus has authority to forgive sins because it was given to him by the father. Beyond this his death and sacrifice for our sins allow us to live. When Jesus forgives the man the religious leaders become indignant. The religious leaders understood that only God could forgive sins, and they also understood this was done though the law, which they were the sole interpreters and keepers thereof. God would forgive them, they reasoned, but only through the means that have been given to them through the covenant of Abraham. Jesus knew all of this, yet he says “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?”. This means that there was something beyond them just being mistaken and not knowing the plan of the father for this is no sin. No, Jesus calls their thoughts evil because they were more concerned about someone stepping on their toes than their offense to God. This is a common theme in all of the gospels. Jesus goes on to challenge them with “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.”- pointing out that they should know how to act but are not acting in the way God desires and commands after he is mocked by the leaders while eating with known sinners. How many of us are sinners? All of us, and so Jesus comes to all, but he is least accepted by those who are least without excuse. When Jesus heals the man he says “Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’?” This is an example of a Jewish qal wahomer (“how much more”) argument: if God gives Jesus authority to heal the visible effects of humanity’s fallenness, why would he not send him to combat that cause of that fall? This is why social justice, mercy, and alms giving is so important for the Christian life. It proclaims the gospel.

The Calling of Matthew

Matthew’s calling displays that Jesus loves us in spite of us. I have often wondered why tax collector is such a “sinful” job. After all the entire bible gives a high view of taxes. Historically the tax levied to Rome was an occupier’s fee. The Jews were being charged for their occupation, and since their nation was seen as instituted under and by God; since it was a “kingdom of priests and holy nation”- being a Jewish tax collector would have been seen as traitorous and against God. Being a tax collector would have been seen as a betrayer of his culture, God, and people. So Jesus coming to the tax collector is a bold statement. Our sin is betrayal of God and yet this is who Jesus comes to. He comes to those who have betrayed him, “rebellious people, deceitful children, children unwilling to listen to the LORD’s instruction.” His action suggests that if God is willing to come to worst, is his not willing to come to all? And this is what he says “For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” The Pharisees self-righteousness he seeks to correct, but at this time they are unreceptive of him, as are all people who think they are so good as to be free from any sin. I often suspect that one can be so proud that they are beyond all save divine intervention. God must often break people like the Pharisees with painful trials so they can understand their condition.

These are my thoughts on the passage. If anyone has anything else to add please leave it in the comments.

On July 2nd, 2011 after several months of email wars with Korean missionaries and other UBF leaders, I finally had enough. I was sick of the dead dog isolation training that was supposed to be only six months but ended up being 8 years. After 8 years of “pioneering”, we were still a single family “house church”. There was no sign of any effort by any leader anywhere in ubfland to actually plant a Christian church. We were just supposed to come up with our own ambition and our own resources to build a ubf chapter.

When I attended the bizarre Toledo UBF Easter conference in April 2011 and heard the worst sermon ever on John 17, I realized I just had to get out of the ubf cult.

So when our family went to my hometown on Independence Day weekend in 2011, I decided to close our ubf “chapter” and resign from ubf. I come from a small country town in Ohio called Defiance. I sent my one sentence resignation email from my Mom’s house in Defiance with as much defiance as possible to over 200 ubfers. It felt SO very good! (Later my resignation earned me an honorable mention in the next ubf newsletter.)

The email wars escalated dramatically after closing our chapter permanently. I quickly revamped and repurposed my entire priestlynation blog.

So now instead of celebrating the glory of ubf, I stand my ground celebrate my independence from ubf. I don’t think people realized who they were messing with when they messed with a guy from Defiance. Four years later I am still on my fascinating and amazing journey of recovery. I love learning how to be a family-centered man, how to make my own decisions and how to let my emotions grow back in a healthy way.

Whether you stay or leave ubf is not the main issue. Whether you are free to speak, free to love and free to be your unique self is the main issue. What is your freedom story? Are you free to live your own life?

Thoughts on Rob Moll’s Book Review

Here is the book review if you have not seen it: Korean Evangelicals on Steroids

Moll correctly points out the hidden nature of the group. He had no idea the Chicago headquarters even existed.

“A couple times a week, a Korean man would approach me with a broad smile and invite me to study the Bible. I had no idea that he was among hundreds of Korean missionaries spanned across college campuses trying to win the country for Christ. I didn’t know that the headquarters for University Bible Fellowship (UBF)—Korea’s second largest missionary sending agency—was just a few miles away.”

Moll, like most of the public, did however know that the group has been seen as a cult.

“I did know that UBF was seen as intense and cult-like.”

Moll is first learning about the group from Rebecca Kim’s book. So he will have a rather good impression of the group because Kim’s book does not mention the reform movements or the abuse that has been covered up. Her book is more of an apologetic work.

” In her new study, The Spirit Moves West: Korean Missionaries in America, Kim, a Pepperdine University sociologist, describes the initial wave of UBF missionaries. Because that wave included her parents, Kim had both unique access to the group and a deeper understanding of the challenges of doing missions in America.”

Moll and Kim correctly point out the surface viewpoint of what is going on at the group. From a superficial view, UBF is merely a high demand group.

“UBF maintains high demands for its missionaries. They hold full-time jobs rather than receive support, and missionaries use their off hours, holidays, and vacations to evangelize on college campuses. Their training is military-like, requiring a “soldier spirit.” Missionaries described training as “boot camp,” complete with jogging and pushups, but also intensive Bible study and evangelism. Early missionaries had to report in public meetings the number of students they invited to study the Bible, how many accepted, and how many students were currently studying the Bible with them. Missionaries who had the most “sheep” were raised to leadership positions.”

Moll also correctly points out the primary shortcoming of Kim’s book.

“Despite my high level of engagement with the subject matter of The Spirit Moves West, I found its repetitiveness taxing. Instead of stating and restating her theories, Kim could have answered some obvious questions: How does UBF operate and structure itself when its missionaries are all lay volunteers working full-time jobs? Are UBF campus chapters and Sunday congregations the same thing? What happens in a Bible study? Exactly how ineffective is its method of “cold calling” college students? Despite her years spent investigating, Kim merely hints that this method doesn’t work well. She quotes missionaries and UBF leaders, but without any longer profiles, the reader lacks a clear sense of who these Korean missionaries are.”

These kinds of questions are where my 7th book comes in. I fill in the gaps of what Rebecca Kim leaves out.

Table of Contents for My 7th Book

My new book is entitled: “The Identity Snatchers: Exposing a Bible Cult”. What thoughts do these things stir up? Please contact me if you would like to contribute to this book. I already have a group of former UBF members who will help me create this book. I am looking for chapter art, poems, stories, endorsements and other feedback you may have.

Introduction

Excessive Manipulation: A New You

            Controlling with Marriage

            Orienting with Ideology

            Confusing with Falsehood

            Isolating with Family

            Breaking with Pressure

            Rebuilding with Staging

Abusive Influence: A New Lifestyle

            Redefining your Mindset

            Rerouting your Finances

            Rebranding your Spirituality

            Repurposing your Body

            Redirecting your Emotions

Toxic Leadership: A New Parent

            Disregarding Society

            Making up New Rules

            Serving a Different Mission

            Promoting Corrupt Character

            Writing Their Own History

Healthy Recovery: A New Life

            How to Break Free

            How to Rebuild

            How to Stay Free

“It seems as if I’ve been transformed from a caterpillar into a butterfly! Specifically, one big change has been in the way I read Scripture. The way I understand how to interpret, how to apply and how to derive a message from Scripture is new and completely revamped due to my surrender to the grace of God. It is important to point out that my transformation, which was later spurred on by the gay debates, began with reading about the transformation of Charles H. Spurgeon, dubbed the Prince of Preachers by many. Reading about how he came to church one snowy day when the normal preacher was not able to preach was magnificent. Spurgeon’s sermon on grace is foundational in transforming my theology.

Since I began taking some pre-seminary cohort classes, I have begun to understand the value of exegesis, hermeneutics and homiletics. Exegesis is the process of deriving meaning of a text within the context in which it was written. Hermeneutics is the concept of applying the meaning of a text with a broader lens and applying teachings in our current context. Homiletics is the concept of putting together a message or exhortation based on the meaning and application of a text.

What is the meaning? How do we read the Bible? The word exegesis means to draw out. It is a process of finding a critical explanation of a text. Some have said that such a process is just as much of an art as it is a science, especially when we are not dealing with our native language. Often, we just don’t know what was in the author’s mind or what precise meaning was meant to be conveyed. At such a moment, it is better to say “I don’t know” than to introduce a concept foreign to the text. Portraying a foreign idea onto a text is called “eisegesis” and often leads to disastrous results.

When determining the meaning of a passage, we ask questions about grammar, terminology and literary constructs. Are we dealing with a historical text or poetry? Who are the characters in the text? What is the significance of the location or timing of the events? Most importantly, with the Bible in particular, we seek out other passages that give meaning or insight into the passage. In a text such as John 4, we might derive meaning by asking why was the woman drawing water at the well by herself? What does Isaiah say about the work the Messiah would be doing? How might John 4 be an example of that work of the Messiah?

What is the application? How is this meaning relevant in other situations? The word hermeneutics means interpretation. It refers to the method we use to take some meaning of a text and interpret that meaning in various other situations that may not be specifically mentioned in the text. It is hermeneutics that often causes so much discord in the church.

When interpreting the meaning of a text and applying that meaning to a situation, we ask questions about the underlying beliefs and theories at play. Do we believe the Bible is inerrant or inspired? What has the church traditionally said about this passage? How did church fathers such as Augustine interpret the text? In the John 4 text, we might seek to apply Jesus’ methods of interacting with the immoral woman to our present day interactions, and discover how to be more civil and charitable with each other.

What message does our meaning and application send? How is what we say going to be received by various audiences? Homiletics is the study of conversation, specifically the conversation that happens between a preacher and the audience. How is our message being delivered? It is said that when you give a speech, you must “know your audience”. This is valuable advice for every student and preacher of the Bible.

When considering the message or homily we are communicating, we ask questions about perception, clarity and tone. Who will be in our audience? Are we invoking unnecessary or excessive feelings of guilt and anxiety? What actions or behaviors do our words motivate people toward? Is our message consistent with the qualities we value most? In the case of John 4, we might try to see our message from the perspective of a divorced single mother and adjust if necessary.

I realize I often had my approach to the Bible completely backward. On my own, I tried to build a homiletic and then jumped into hermeneutics. I started with an idea I wanted to tell people, and then looked for Bible verses that seemed applicable to my idea. When I found such Bible verses, I then tried to find some meaning from them that was consistent with my idea. This approach often left me confused, but it did bolster my ego. I felt that my ideas were justified by the Bible text, and thus God was surely on my “side.” Now I am no longer on a “side;” I am on a journey.

(quoted from “The New Wine“, pg 9-11)

Thoughts? Reactions? Criticisms? Challenges? Ideas?

Pride has traditionally be viewed as the worst of the sins. St. Augustine attributed nearly all other vices to pride. Pride, as he says, is the sin of loving yourself more than God. It manifests as contempt for others, shows itself as competition between others, and poisons everything it touches. People much closer to God than I could ever hope to be, have reserved no insults or denouncements for this sin. They have offered it no disguise. In short, the church has always held that if we could rid the world of pride, we would have no need for a second coming.

There are two things that often go unnoticed about pride. First, it is easily disguised and therefore hard to correct. If someone speaks of how he has sacrificed much for God or his family, is he seeking praise? Or is he simply proclaiming how he is thankful he could be so lucky to give to God? Pride, being closest to our Adversary, mirrors the temptation that Eve fell to. The second thing that is often unnoticed is that the Church and Christianity in general have often been at odds with the World in its view on if pride is even a sin to begin with. It is hard to find a non-Christian who agrees with violence, greed, or adultery (even if they might find excuses for them). But if you find someone who sees pride as an issue, you have found a Christian. In fact, when a non-Christian even addresses it as an issue and says “He is arrogant.” The issue is usually because his own pride, his own ego feels threatened. But he never thinks that should he actually be better than the guy he criticized that bragging or pride would be his reward for his own abilities.

Pride manifests as an arms race. The idea present in the proud person is that he needs to be better than other people. People can usually discern if they are lustful, violent, envious, but rarely will they discover they are proud. Pride is so close to people, so ingrained in people that they cannot see it easily. For this reason hardest all of all sins to correct. A preacher preaching against pride will therefore find himself talking to an empty room. Everyone in the audience finds his neighbor guilty but never themselves.  The only method I have learned to tell how proud I am is ask myself how offended I am when I (or my accomplishments) go unnoticed. You may even ask how mad are you when your status is left unrecognized? The madder you get, chances are the prouder you are.

A few final things I will leave you with. First, I am not at all suggesting that we cannot find enjoyment in life. It is not proud to find a sunset enjoyable, or to take delight in a walk, or even to feel happiness while on a date. We should be like children, who find enjoyment in things meant to be enjoyed, but never enjoy yourself for the sake of yourself. We are not a proper item of worship. Second, being proud of your child, or feeling proud of a job well done is a different use or the word. Here the admiration is felt because you are giving approval to something outside yourself. Nor is it pride to suppose that one cannot feel good about being a servant of Christ (or doing good deeds). The bible says clearly “Well done my good and faithful servant…Come and share your master’s happiness.” But in that moment, we must resist the urge to feel that is was by my own goodness but rather the goodness of Christ. St. Augustine in Confessions ponders the same question, how can you know if it is pride or if it is really given to God?:

“I cannot pretend that I am not pleased by praise…But I have to admit that not only does admiration increase my pleasure, but that adverse criticism diminishes it. When this symptom disturbs me, self- justification worms its way into me, of a kind which you know, my God.”

But his answer is to be pleased, not with yourself- but with the love of others.

“Your will is that we should love not only you but our neighbor. Often when I am pleased to be praised by someone whose understanding is good, my pleasure lies in my neighbor’s progress or promise of it… But once again how can I know whether that is my reaction because I do not want my admirer to hold a view of me different from my own? Truth, in you, I know I see that if I am to be praised be not on my own account but the account of my neighbor.”

Admiration spoils fast, if it is not given to God is becomes poisonous. The final thing I should mention is regarding a bad definition of pride. It is pure fiction to suppose that pride means disagreeing with church authority, or anyone else for that matter. I am unsure how such an unreasonable definition can be held without bursting into laughter. Neither good sense, the bible, church tradition, nor anything else has ever had this definition. Not to say that disobedience is good, I am simply saying that to call it pride is to misdiagnose the patient. When it comes down to it there are really only two types of people, those who are proud and know it- and those who are proud and do not know it.

[Admin note: We received the following article here at ubfriends and were asked to share it. This speaks to the culture of burden that UBF shepherds and missionaries cultivate. The burden typically goes up on pregnant mothers. Please read, reflect and react.]

“Answer to Brian’s post June 3, 2015”

Hello, Everybody, My name is Sigrid Goff. I used to belong to Cologne UBF in Germany, then to Washington UBF until 1996 or 1997. I don’t quite remember when exactly I left.  I would like to add another item to Brian’s list of UBF’s unlawful behavior posted on June 3, 2015 and that is, child abuse and neglect.

For example, when some parents could not find a babysitter for their three pre-school age children so that the parents could attend a mandatory UBF Bible conference, they locked the children into their apartment from Friday through Sunday afternoon after instructing them to feed themselves out of the refrigerator.

My own experiences were even worse. When I was pregnant with my twins, missionaries never encouraged me to rest or take good care of myself. Instead every missionary prayed with me “to really overcome my pregnancy.”

When I asked, I never received any clarification of what they meant by this phrase. I thought it meant to put God’s work first because that was the directive in all things without exceptions.

One hot and humid Friday afternoon, after I had just finished a 40-hour workweek, the chapter director’s wife came to my apartment to urge me to go fishing with her at the University of Maryland in College Park, our fishing ground.

Being ignorant, timid, compliant, and brainwashed, I obeyed and went with her although I was feeling exhausted and nauseated.

A few days later, I gave birth to two boys prematurely. They were not expected to live, but survived anyway. However, even now as grown men, they still have many disabilities, such as autism, cerebral palsy, mental handicaps, and blindness.

They are the product of a culture of child neglect and abuse that was common in many UBF chapters at that time according to my observations.

When confronted, the missionaries aggressively denied any wrongdoing or undue influence, but insisted that what happened was all my fault and my own decision.

I have long since forgiven those who brainwashed me and acknowledged the good things that happened to me at UBF.

I do not find it easy, however, to care for two people with disabilities. My children are also struggling. But I am holding on to God’s promise in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God accomplished part I of his plan for my children by letting them live. I am confident that he will also accomplish part II, which is healing them completely.

Thank you and God Bless!

Do you belong to a proud or a humble church?

Fill in the blanks. I think most of them are rather self-evident. The answers are likely a lot easier than putting them into practice. (Sorry, I don’t know how to make a table, but the table and the answer key can be seen here.)

The Proud Person / Church Vs.The Humble Person / Church

Seeing ourselves as better and others as worse. Perhaps dichotomy is sometimes not often very helpful or practical. We also incline to seeing ourselves (and our churches) in a better or more positive light, and conversely incline to seeing others (and other churches) in a worse or more negative light. (I know that I did this for decades!) Nonetheless, I think this table of contrast is helpful.

What do you think? Are UBF people and UBF churches humble?

“Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” – John Calvin

“When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him?”- Psalm 8:3,4

Intercultural Ministry is inevitable; yet we make the choice of embracing it or ignoring it. No two humans are alike, even those from the same “culture.” We are all unique in our own ways, therefore it is critical to learn how to do intercultural ministry, whether in seminary or not.

The definition of my personal theology of intercultural ministry is the process of striving to know God and mankind and the application of this knowledge. As the author in Psalm 8 states, God is the one who created the heavens, moon and stars, but who is man that God pays attention to him? God is the one who shakes the earth and parts the Red Sea. He is the Holiest of Holies. He is the Alpha and the Omega. He has always been. All mankind is contingent to Him and yet he loves man.  He is the One who sent His Son into the world to be murdered and sacrificed for us, for me.

As we learn more about God, we see how fallen man is. Romans 3:10,11, “”There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.” We see how completely depraved man is and yet how valued man is in the eyes of God through the blood of Jesus, even to the degree that God loves His only begotten Son. John 17:23, “that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.” This is a mystery. My heart resonates with the psalmist as he asks, “What is man that you are mindful of him?” This is the question at the heart of intercultural ministry, what is man ontologically? Who is God? And why does God who loves man so? How does this knowledge affect our lives?

What I learned in the course

Through this course, I picked up tools on how to interact interculturally and think critically. Here are a few of them:

1. De-essentializtion – A person is more than their socio-economic status, gender, sexual orientation, religions, etc. For example, people who write about slums are, more often than not, people who do not live in slums, so the literature about slums is not a complete representation of slum dwellers. Often they are essentialized as poor and pitiful. We must hear more than one side of the story.
2. Intentionality -While we were presenting our final projects this is a topic that came up over and over again. When doing intercultural ministry mistakes are bound to happen. For example, it is almost impossible to translate a worship service into the native language of everyone present, but having translators available and approachable simply as an option would be kind and considerate. Also, having signs translated into every language necessary is not possible, but at least English, Spanish and Chinese would be helpful (depending on your demographics).
3. Local Sages – Often there are certain members of the congregation who are never called on to preach a sermon. But they have gone through the test of time and have so much wisdom to share. These are the people I should seek for wisdom and insight.
4. Metaphors – There are seemingly harmless words like white, black, human capital, volcanic anger, etc. and when we use them they may imply things that we never intended. It is necessary to use our words carefully, respectfully and with love towards those we are addressing or referring to.
5. Lenses – We all come to the table wearing many lenses whether they be existential, social, psychological, political, economical, etc. Often times our beliefs are results of the country we live in and the time period we are in. As Christians, God’s opinion should have first place in our hearts, minds and lives. Thus we should be aware of the lenses we wear and make an effort to remove them.
6. Flip the Narrative, Embrace Diversity – This means to open up the conversation. When discussing issues of race, make sure there are different races represented. For example, when talking about “white privilege” do not simply ask people who all look the same
7. Pray for milkshakes – While Prof A shared about his life, I learned things about prayer I did not know before. I learned that every decision is a theological one, even the decision to buy a weekly $2.30 Mcdonalds milkshake. (My prof shared about how he would pray about whether to spend money weekly on milkshakes or not). Honestly, for me, prayer sometimes seems tiresome, exhausting, and time-consuming. But through this course and other courses I am learning how liberating prayer is because it implies that every single part of my life matters. Also, I am not a good steward of my life. I have only been around for 26 years; God has much more wisdom than me. I want God to have the monopoly over my life.  Even now, I am so confused with what I am doing at seminary or why I am here. But I want to take it one day at a time, one semester at a time, just as Prof A prayed when he drove by Mcdonald’s. Sometimes the Lord said yes and sometimes the Lord said no. May the Lord teach me to listen to Him in all my decisions whether big or small.

Ways this course was helpful

“Humans don’t want to hear about the depth of human depravity.”

This course was so uncomfortable because we were forced to come face to face with difficult questions. For example, why are children allowed to suffer? Or ISIS allowed to exist? Why do we spend so much money on coffee? And why do we not notice when thousands of people are dying around us? Why do we spend time and money in seminary when so many people need Him outside the walls of Moody? Is there a better gospel?  I needed to ask these questions. I need to be shaken out of my bubble where my biggest dilemma is deciding whether to get Indian or Chinese food for dinner or what to watch on netflix. I live a charmed life. I cannot deny it. It is like a living version of the Hunger Games and I live in the capital. I’m glad that in this class I could be reminded of that. Every week, Prof A would survey the room and comment on how wealthy we are. This was helpful because it brought me back to reality.

It seems like this was a morbid class, but it wasn’t completely. I saw hope through this class. The honesty was refreshing because healing cannot be done until we diagnose the state we are in. There is a huge idol in US churches and it’s green; it’s money. But we are not powerless before it. We don’t have to hate and criticize American culture or wait to be shipped off to a foreign country for our real ministry to start. The US is ripe for harvest; we are plump and overfed. And God is mercifully opening our eyes to this.

Another point Prof A often shared is that “ministry is everywhere.” It is even in my neighborhood elderly home. There are so many refugees and unreached people in Chicago right now. They are inside their homes waiting for someone to minister to them. I can start right now. This was very encouraging to me.

And finally, through our discussions I began to love Jesus more. I began to see that He was not one to cut people short or give simple reduced answers. He is someone who could see so much more in a person than the human eye can. He is someone who wept over people. He was someone completely unpredictable. My human mind cannot wrap around the fact that God destroys and punishes but he does it lovingly with tears in his eyes. This is an impossible combination according to the opinion of my overly tolerant and affirmative culture. How can Jesus bear both grace and truth uncompromisingly?

Jesus loved people; and His love was evident to those he loved. He wants our submission, but he does not demand it. After our discussions I often thought where would Jesus be if he came back to Chicago in 2015? What neighborhood would he be living in? How would he spend his time? What would He be doing? And this gives me insight into how I should be living my life and spending my time.

I also learned about the jealousy of God the Father, especially because we memorized Zephaniah 1:8, 3:8. God is not only the God who answers our prayers and sends rainbows. He is a God who has emotions such as wrath, anger and jealousy. It really reminded me of Aslan in Narnia. He was not safe, but He was good. And yet in Zephaniah 3:17, it talks about a God who takes great delight in my, quiets me with his love and exults over me with loud singing. Our God is a complex God whose depth and breadth cannot be explained even if we had all eternity. Through this course I learned more insights into the heart of man and the heart of God.

Words of Blessing from Scripture

A scan through the Holy Scriptures reveals the nature of God’s blessing.

Psalm 106:3 “Blessed are they who observe justice, who do righteousness at all times!” My process of leaving was spurred on by the injustice of my sin against the Kim family in 1990. My conscience was bothered more and more as I was told the forget about this event by ubf people. The more I sought relief from this pain of conscience, the more blessed I felt. Seeking justice opens a door to God’s blessing.

Isaiah 30:18 [The Lord Will Be Gracious] “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” I was told repeatedly to just wait on ubf leaders to change. But I saw no evidence of change, just a mere rearranging the chairs on the Titanic. So I decided to stop waiting on ubf leaders to change, and to wait on God to work His justice. Waiting on God is so much more blessed than waiting on change in an organization.

What does Jesus say?

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells us that blessing is not about being “in” or “out” of some community. Blessing is the gift of God, bestowed upon both individuals and community.

In Matthew 5:1-12 Jesus tells us the kind of people God blesses. They are the poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers and the people who are insulted and persecuted. I am not going to claim to be great in these areas. I know I fall short. Yet it was these verses of blessing that comforted me so many times during my leaving process. Every time I thirsted for righteousness, sought to deepen my understanding of godly sorrow or strived to be pure and honest, I felt the hand of God’s blessing. This brought much persecution from ubf people who cared more about obedience and loyalty than righteousness or purity of heart. And that led me to be greatly blessed.

What is blessing?

I have discovered that ubf taught me a vending machine attitude toward blessing. Go to daily bread in the morning, get a blessing that Sunday. Write a glory-story testimony, get a blessing that Friday. But Jesus does not have such a pragmatic idea of blessing. Jesus says blessings are the kingdom of heaven, comfort, the earth, satisfaction, mercy, the ability to see God, and the children of God. Surely there are many pragmatic blessings, but Jesus invites us to gain the greater blessings. Before leaving I and my home chapter in Toledo went through several years of discord. There was no satisfcation or comfort. But I found these blessings poured out on us through my leaving process.

So then, God does not show favoritism. Being “in” ubf is no more special than being “out” of ubf. In fact, maybe we could drop the in/out dichotomy and say “at” ubf. Some, like Ben and forests, are at ubf ministry. But they are not “in” any special blessing. I am not at ubf ministry. But I am not “out” of any blessing from God.

My Blessed Life after ubf

My life is also practially blessed. My wife and I went on our first date after 18 years of marriage (instead of single college students who “co-work”). We are learning and succeeding at how to be good parents (instead of passing on a heritage). My job is stable and our finances are recovering from the finance abuse. At ubf, I had 19 jobs in about 20 years. Now I’ve had the same job for two years in a row! Our family is making new friends and resting in the blessing of God. We have actually studied the bible and learned from the bible (instead of just making copy-cat white binders).

Our family had an initial time of turbulence, but that is smoothing out now. I no longer think it will take 24 years to recover from my 24 years at ubf. After just 4 years, we have already seen so much healing and blessing.

So please, ubf shepherds, can we stop the false teaching that when you leave ubf you are cursed? We former members are just as blessed as you are. Surely there is blessing at ubf and not at ubf.

Remembering Sarah

Back in 2012, I shared my thoughts on remembering Sarah. I pray for the continued healing and  restoration of their family. I pray for grace and peace to be with them. I pray for the memory of Sarah to be a good one–a reminder that life is short and that we should live our lives in happiness. I pray that her life may remind us of the pressure people are living with.

Remembering the Others

The other suicides related to ubf people are still mostly a mystery to me. They are like unknown soldiers, people I don’t know much about. Still I remember them. Here is a quote from the past: “Then something tragical happened. A UBF shepherd from my chapter had commited suicide. I had known him a little bit and had lived for some time together with him in UBF “common life.” Therefore I went to his funeral, together with D (who had been his shepherd) and one or 2 other UBF members.” When we begin to pressure someone to make life decisions for the sake of ubf mission, might we remember the burdens people are dealing with?

The Burden Layers

In my article, “My Journey of Recovery” I shared the multiple burden layers that I had discovered in my life after leaving ubf. I suspect there are more. It is these burden layers that ubf imposes onto your life, so much so that thoughts of suicide enter your mind. It is these layers of burden that I demand ubf leaders to remove from ubf members. I demand that ubf “shepherds” no longer falsely advertise “just one hour of bible study per week!” when they have this massive lifestyle of entanglement planned for the new students.

Suicide is not the Unforgivable Sin

I also take the time each Memorial Day to share with people that suicide is not the unforgivable sin. Suicide may be the only way to find peace. You see, that is what the human soul seeks–peace and hope. When you take away peace and hope people are left with darkness and silence. I find solace in Jesus’ Gethsemane prayer. Our Messiah prayed for us. He forgives us. He longs to live inside us. He is alive today and loves us.

The Bigger Issue

For those who took their own lives, there is nothing left to discuss. My greater concern is for those who live with thoughts of suicide, depression or sadness. That is why I bring up this topic on Memorial Day, to raise awareness and courageously talk about a typically taboo subject.

So I ask: What gives you hope? How do you find peace? Why do you say we should value life?

One final thought… The movie “A Few Good Men” inspired me with courage beyond belief. I love this scene and I see myself as Tom Cruise :)

Leaving your family

The story in Tangled begins with Rapunzel being taken away from her family by Mother Gothel. The reason is because Mother Gothel realizes that Rapunzel has power to keep her young. It is the youth of Rapunzel that Mother Gothel desires. So Mother Gothel takes Rapunzel away from her parents. She gives Rapunzel a good life, but isolates her in a tall castle tower.

Forming a Co-dependent Relationship

As Rapunzel grows up, she receives many good gifts from Mother Gothel, who provides rather well for Rapunzel’s development. Rapunzel has many opportunities for learning, painting, sewing, crafting–all kinds of things. The only catch is Rapunzel must stay within the castle walls, never to venture outside. Rapunzel grows up into a teenager with a decently happy life and becomes trained in various arts–music, reading, etc. As she grows, a longing grows too. Rapunzel longs to know what the lights mean. She always has a faint vision of a light and loves to see the hundreds of lights that mysteriously show up on her birthday every year. She can see them from her window but knows not what they mean.

Over time, Rapunzel comes to depend on Mother Gothel. Mother Gothel comes to depend on Rapunzel. They need each other. The bond of co-dependency forms.

An Outside Visitor

A surly character named Flynn changes everything for Mother Gothel and Rapunzel when he happens upon Rapunzel’s castle by mistake. This outside visit leads Rapunzel on a wild adventure outside the castle. She struggles at first as to whether she should go or not. She feels loyal to Mother Gothel but the longing to know the meaning of the lights drives her onward to the outside world. To her surprise, she fares rather well in the “big bad world” outside her castle.

Mother Gothel’s Trick to get Rapunzel Back

Mother Gothel finds out Rapunzel talked to Flynn and ventured into the outside world. Mother Gothel fears losing her source of youth and goes after Rapunzel and Flynn. Mother Gothel tricks Rapunzel into thinking Mother Gothel is her true family and that Flynn abandoned her. In reality, Flynn was the honest one. Rapunzel falls for the trick and goes back to the castle, believing Mother Gothel really does know best.

Rapunzel Realizes Who She Is

This scene is most powerful and relevant. Rapunzel realizes she is the lost princess. The lights are for her, sent by her parents. She reconnects with her family. Love wins.

Mother Gothel: Rapunzel? Rapunzel, what’s going on up there? Are you all right?
Rapunzel: [whispers] I’m the lost princess.
Mother Gothel: [sighs] Please speak up, Rapunzel. You know how I hate the mumbling…
Rapunzel: [louder] I am the lost princess! Aren’t I?
[Mother Gothel stares in shock]
Rapunzel: Did I mumble, Mother? Or should I even call you that?
Mother Gothel: [pauses, then regains composure] Oh, Rapunzel, do you even hear yourself? Why would you ask such a ridiculous question?
Rapunzel: [pushes her away, angry and frightened] It was you! It was ALL you!
Mother Gothel: [coldly] Everything I did was to protect YOU.
[Rapunzel shoves past Gothel in disgust]
Mother Gothel: Rapunzel!
Rapunzel: I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power…
Mother Gothel: Rapunzel!
Rapunzel: …when I should have been hiding – from YOU!
Mother Gothel: Where will you go? He won’t be there for you.
Rapunzel: What did you do to him?
Mother Gothel: That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes.
Rapunzel: [gasps] No…
Mother Gothel: Now, now, it’s all right. Listen to me. All of this is as it should be.
[She tries to touch Rapunzel, but Rapunzel grabs her wrist]
Rapunzel: No! You were wrong about the world. And you were wrong about ME! And I will NEVER let you use my hair again!
[Mother Gothel breaks free of Rapunzel’s grip, only to cause a nearby mirror to fall and smash. Rapunzel then turns to leave]
Mother Gothel: You want me to be the bad guy? Fine.
[advances toward Rapunzel threateningly]
Mother Gothel: Now I’m the bad guy.

Sources:
http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0165312/quotes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tangled

Our ubfriends discussions about the gospel

Here are some excellent articles that we have discussed each year:

http://www.ubfriends.org/2011/12/17/gospel-no-condemnation-really/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2012/01/17/the-gospel-in-the-descendants/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2012/02/22/the-gospel-and-linsanity/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2012/09/22/what-is-the-gospel/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2013/07/18/the-gospel-of-christ-vs-the-gospel-of-mission/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2013/12/02/amazon-com-and-the-gospel/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2014/09/15/the-theology-of-gross-what-modern-psychology-can-teach-us-about-purity-disgust-love-and-the-gospel/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2014/09/26/my-gospel-story-of-gods-grace/

http://www.ubfriends.org/2014/11/10/glimpses-of-the-gospel/

Some explicit quotes

I’ve been reading many more books these days. One that stirred a lot of thoughts and interest in the gospel for me is Matt Chandler’s “The Explicit Gospel“. I recommend reading many sources to get a range of perspectives on this important subject. I don’t agree with some of what Chandler presents, but over all this is a solid starting point for a deeper grasp of the Christian message we should be embodying.

Here are some choice quotes I love:

“More often than not, we want him to have fairy wings and spread fairy dust and shine like a precious little star, dispensing nothing but good times on everyone, like some kind of hybrid of Tinker Bell and Aladdin’s Genie. But the God of the Bible, this God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, is a pillar of fire and a column of smoke.” (pg 29)

“Heaven is not a place for those who are afraid of hell; it’s a place for those who love God. You can scare people into coming to your church, you can scare people into trying to be good, you can scare people into giving money, you can even scare them into walking down an aisle and praying a certain prayer, but you cannot scare people into loving God. You just can’t do it.” (pg 49)

“If we confuse the gospel with response to the gospel, we will drift from what keeps the gospel on the ground, what makes it clear and personal, and the next thing you know, we will be doing a bunch of different things that actually obscure the gospel, not reveal it.” (pg 83)

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/20-quotes-from-the-explicit-gospel

Digging deeper: whose wrath?

One of my transformations lately is to know God who is love. God is capable of wrath, but God is not wrath. Instead of seeing the cross as God’s wrath I now see the cross as God’s response to human wrath.

So this is the main area of disagreement I have with Chandler. He writes:

“Once we remove the bloody atonement as satisfaction of God’s wrath for sin, the wheels really come off. Where the substitutionary atoning work of Jesus Christ on the cross is preached and proclaimed, missions will not spin off to a liberal shell of a lifeless message but will stay true to what God has commanded the church to be in the Scriptures.” (pg 198)

His concern is valid: If we remove the wrath of God punishing sin, what restraint do we have? My answer is that we have three restraints: The Holy Spirit, our individual conscience and our communal justice structures.

Many gospels

As I discuss many issues online and in person, I always strive to bring the conversation back to some element of the gospel. By doing this, I have uncovered an array of gospels that are shaky and non-fulfilling at best. Most of the time people confuse our response to the gospel with the gospel message itself.

Here are some “gospels” I have heard preached and how they relate to the five explicit “gospel of” messages in Scripture.

• Deathbed gospel – this message places primary importance on the day of death. The message says that the good news is that if on the day you die, you have repented of all grave or gross sins, you get into Heaven. This is based on the 1 Corinthians 6:9 and Revelations lists. I see this as a distortion of the gospel of salvation.

• Hamster Wheel gospel – this message places primary importance on getting rid of sin in the present. The message says that the good news is that you have power through the cross to make your self and your life more and more sin-free. I see this as a distortion of the gospel of grace.

• Prosperity gospel – this message places primary importance on blessing. The message says that the good news is that God will bless you, if you obey. This message is rooted in the Old Covenant way of blessing and curse for obedience and disobedience. I see this as a distortion of the gospel of peace.

• Mission gospel – This message places primary importance on evangelization. The message says that the good news is that  you get to be a missionary. If you are not preaching or teaching someone then you are not a true or good Christian. I see this as a distortion of the gospel of the kingdom.

• Glory gospel – This message places primary importance on self-gain. The message says that the more glory and honor and fame you seek, the more God is glorified. It says we should do big things for God and gather many possessions for the glory of God. This may be rooted in Abraham’s lifestyle or other figures in the Bible. I see this as a distortion of the gospel of God’s glory.

Tough challenge

Are you prepared to die for the gospel?

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.”

Mark 8:34-35 ESV

Making it simple

The gospel is Jesus Himself. To know the truth of a person, we must dialogue. To know the gospel more and more, we must learn to listen to God’s voice more and more, and grow into the mystery that is Christ in us. In this sense we can know the gospel messages more and more deeply.

But that is often complex and nebulous. So to me, the simple gospel is this: love everyone. Learn how to love your enemy, “those people”, the “gross”, the “icky”, and everyone you encounter.

Love. That is my gospel. And I am willing to die for it. What is your gospel?

First: Be a family-centered person!

If there is anything helpful in my recovery from undue religious influence at UBF, for me it was re-connecting with my family. I was told by a UBF missionary that my visiting my brother’s wedding was an act of Satan. Things like this made me cautious and fearful about visiting my family members.

After coming out of UBF in 2011, however, I find that cutting off ties with parents, etc. is more like Satan’s work. Visiting family is in reality more like Jesus’ work. Jesus once visited Simon’s house, correct? Yes there is a family-like fellowship among believers but nowhere in the bible do we find that it is evil to value and cherish and visit your family.

Second: Be your own man or own woman!

Based on a few proof-texted verses from the bible, UBF shepherds tend to teach you that you cannot make your decisions on your own. Always there is a need to at least check your decisions against your shepherd or chapter director, depending on how big the decision is. I say “be your own man!”. The disrespect for a person’s autonomy at UBF chapters is a blatant red flag of spiritual abuse.

I would suggest reading about healthy mentoring. Mentoring often includes many people as mentors, not just one. Mentors are chosen by students, not the other way around. Why should your life be directed by someone you randomly met on campus one day? It is your life. It is your decision. It is your responsibility.

If you had the chance, what would you say to all UBF sheep right now?

An article appeared a few days ago in Relevant Magazine, titled What Not To Say To Someone Who Has Been Hurt By Church. The article is short, and I encourage everyone to read it. According to this article, the six things that should not be said are:

1. “No church is perfect.”
2. “Are you working toward reconciliation?”
3. “I don’t want to gossip.”
4. “What are non-believers going to think?”
5. “Stop being so bitter.”
6. “Is this worth dividing the church over?”

The author of this article has no apparent connection to UBF. He has no discernible anti-UBF bias. And he succinctly writes exactly what many of us have been trying to say to UBF leaders and members over and over.

Putting aside all discussion of UBF: Is this author correct?

My Resistance to the Cult Label

It must be noted first that the term cult did not come from me. I resisted this label for decades. Even after leaving, I wrestled with whether to use this term or not. In the past, I was “Mr. UBF” and argued intensely to defend the UBF organization for many years (2002 to 2007). I worked with Sarah Barry and others to erase negative information about UBF on the internet. I called Mr. Fisk of the NAE to argue in favor of re-instating UBF to the NAE organization. So for most of my life I hated the cult label and fought hard to remove it.

In 2008 I met John Jun at a UBF staff conference breakfast and listened to him gleefully tell me how UBF lawyers had removed the threat of Chris and his ubf-hate website. My eyes began opening to the facts.

In 2009 or so I discovered that James Kim (of Toledo UBF) had died. I was furious that no one told me so that I could attend his funeral. I was told another James Kim drove Paul Hong and Mark Gamber to the funeral. After this I decided to read the entire letters of James Kim and Rebekah Kim. I highly recommend reading these and processing them. Charles recently posted the links in a comment here.

Where does the cult label come from?

I began researching the issue online in the following years. I have now built up my priestly>nation website as a resource for links to everything related to UBF. One major resource is my list of links to newspaper articles that mention UBF as a cult, most of which pre-date the widespread use of the internet. The cult label started being applied to UBF right away in Korea and later in 1977, after missionaries from Korea UBF went to Canada.

http://www.priestlynation.com/newspapers/

There are now many organizations that have files on UBF. The primary two, in the West at least, are from Rick Ross and Steven Hassan. Both websites have a wealth of information about undue religious influence and how to cope with such influence. Both have extensive documentation about UBF.

The cult label came from the public. That is the primary way the public still sees ubf in 2015.

Cult Education Institute
http://www.culteducation.com/faq.html

Freedom of Mind Resource Center
https://freedomofmind.com/Info/

What does the term cult mean?

My first source is Merriam-Webster’s dictionary.

: a small religious group that is not part of a larger and more accepted religion and that has beliefs regarded by many people as extreme or dangerous

: a situation in which people admire and care about something or someone very much or too much

: a small group of very devoted supporters or fans

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cult

The cult label conjures up a lot of emotion and images but in itself, the word cult is not bad. For example, I am a full-fledged “member” of the Star Wars cult! I love all things Star Wars. In this sense, the term cult refers to the fanaticism that can surround many things. Some see a Jesus fan-club cult in the West. These things are not necessarily dangerous or harmful; just a phenomena.

Qualities of Cults in Religion

In the religious realm, the word cult takes on a different nuance. Lifton and Singer are two of the most robust thinkers in the use of the word cult in religion. In my 24 year experience at UBF and my 4 years experience outside UBF has given me thousands of examples of how Toledo UBF and UBF HQ fits into the realm of the religious use of the cult label.

Lifton’s Three Qualities of a Cult

• A charismatic leader, who increasingly becomes an object of worship as the general principles that may have originally sustained the group lose power.
• A process [is in use] call[ed] coercive persuasion or thought reform.
• Economic, sexual, and other exploitation of group members by the leader and the ruling coterie.

Singer’s Three Qualities of a Destructive Cult

• The origin of the group and role of the leader.
• The power structure, or relationship between the leader[s] and the followers.
• The use of a coordinated program of persuasion, which is called thought reform [or more commonly, ‘brainwashing'”].

I would urge everyone to read the material on the FAQ at the Cult Education Institute and make up your own mind. The six most liberating words ever spoken to me were from John Armstrong: “I will not bind your conscience”. So while I use the term cult, everyone here is free to disagree. I only ask that we are able to discuss reasons why we disagree.

http://www.culteducation.com/faq.html

What kind of cult is ubf?

Clearly ubf was a personality cult from 1961 to 2002, the span of Samuel Lee’s influence. There are still many pockets of personality cult life in various ubf chapters where there is a strongly narcissistic leader who needs some sort of narcissistic supply to function. My term for ubf is that the organization as a whole is a destructive ideology cult. Here are seven reasons why.

1) Family neglect.

The first reason ubf is a cult is because they teach neglect of family. Using proof-texted ideas from the bible, they claim that it is more spiritual and pleasing to God to sacrifice your family and be mission-centered. ubf is now your family. Don’t believe me? Then try this. Share a testimony at ubf entitled “God’s will is to be family-centered. One word: I love my family.” And then skip a ubf meeting for a family event. You can expect to find many angry and sad faces when you return. To say you are “family-centered” at ubf means you are unspiritual, sinful and in danger of losing God’s approval according to ubf teaching. They further disrespect family by the requirement that every ubf shepherd must go through their arranged marriage process called “marriage by faith”.

2) Identity breaking.

The second reason ubf is a cult is because they are identity snatchers. They encourage you to adopt the viewpoint that your pre-ubf life is bad, sinful, unspiritual and the like. Your new ubf life is now good, holy and pleasing to God if you adopt the “Shepherd X” identity. To make a decision to be a ubf shepherd means everything to ubf people. Your pre-ubf identity is chipped away and cut out, meeting by meeting, until you lose touch with your authentic self. This is done in the name of self-denial and taking up your cross, strongly bound to more proof-texted ideas from bible verses. Dr. Hassan describes this as the cult identity, and it has just enough of “you” to make it seem real. ubf breaks you down through sleep deprivation at numerous conferences, continual indoctrination at daily meetings and repeated reminders of your shortcomings. Your identity becomes assimilated into the ubf community, as your life becomes intertwined with other members’ lives.

3) Decision control.

The third reason ubf is a cult is that the shepherds at ubf manipulate the members (called sheep) to control and check their life decisions, such as who to marry, when to marry, where to work, where to live, etc. The supreme values of most ubf people are loyalty and obedience to the ubf authorities. The leaders take control of people’s lives. Some leaders are called directors because they are charged with directing the affairs of their own chapter or sub-community within the ubf network. ubf leaders live a scripted life. Going “off script” is rarely tolerated, especially for repeated offenses. ubf leaders have a very difficult time in any situation where they cannot control the outcome.

4) Culture destruction.

The fourth reason ubf is a cult organization is that they destroy the culture of the host countries they send missionaries to. They consider American or German or Mexican culture to be bad or at best only useful for propagating the ubf culture. Being Korean is not bad. There are many good things about Koreans. But ubf missionaries from Korea have made the big mistake of imposing their own culture onto the countries where they go. A survey of people in ubf once asked people to describe their own ministry in one word. The most repeated word was simply “Korean”. ubf missionaries tend to ignore their host country culture and often speak of being “re-charged” by going back to Korea for a visit. After several years at ubf, a member discovers that they speak with Korean-english, eat Korean food and value the Korean Confucian ideas of loyalty, nobility, authority, etc. They also find a great disdain for their own culture.

5) Abuse of all kinds that is not acknowledged.

The final and most important reason why ubf is a harmful cult is because many incidents of abuse have been covered over since 1961 when ubf began in Korea. It is surprisingly well known among ubf leaders that there are incidents of sexual abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse and authority abuse. ubf teaches “covering doctrine”, which means leaders’ sins cannot be discussed or challenged in any way. They teach the notion that it is your duty to hide the abuse or sin of a leader. This flawed theology is again proof-texted from the bible with almost no reality check with the thousands of Christian authors and preachers who would expose such teachings. ubf has created an environment where abuse is swept under the rug and corruption thrives under the pretty masks of the appearance of godliness. While most ubf chapters are free of the sexual or physical types of abuse, verbal abuse and financial abuse is widespread.

6) Glory story fabrication

The ubf mindset is prone to rejecting perspectives and valuing intention over facts. mrkimmathclass is correct in that I was foolish to break into James Kim’s house. Who would do such a thing? No one ordered us to do that with a direct command. The reason we did such a thing is that we were fed glory stories–we believed the narrative that James and his family had asked Toledo UBF for help to move while they were in Houston. We believed the glory story that we were blessing them to become missionaries. At the time we had no idea about the god-father power struggles with Samuel Lee. That is why we were so confused when James and Rebekah were SO furious when they returned. Didn’t they appreciate our help? Why are they so angry and unthankful? Well now I understand because I faced the facts of that situation.

7) KOPAHN/12 slogans/shepherding ideology

We’ve already discussed the “kingdom of priest and holy nation” shepherding flaws extensively here. I have no desire to talk about such things but you can read all about these teachings that are so highly prized and even guarded by a new ubf website. If your ubf chapter has not specifically addressed these ideological flaws, you are still in the cult.

http://www.ubfriends.org/?s=what+ubf+taught+me

http://www.priestlynation.com/this-is-your-brain-on-ubf/

Why did I join? Why did I stay? Why did I leave?

In my books (which are onsale now 3 for the price of 1!) I share all about these three questions. My second book, “Goodness Found: The Butterfly Narratives” is where I process these questions directly.

I joined because of the promise of goodness. ubf offered many low-commitment/high-reward promises. They offered a noble dream of being a shepherd, which I was keen to since I had wanted to be a Catholic priest since I was 16 years old. The poured on my much praise and flattery. Mixed in with all this was a genuine spiritual awakening due to my father’s death in 1989. I had joined ubf in 1987.

I stayed for 24 years, until 2011, because the ubf ideology redefined goodness. What is good? Well going to the ubf activities is good! Everything else is bad, even family. The ubf system is primarily what I rail against, all of which fed my own desire for glory:

• Six Stages of Training
• One Cult Identity
• Three Layers of Burden
• Four Elements of Control
• Twelve Heritage Slogans

I left due to my discovery of goodness. I started reading about Spurgeon and the gospel of Christianity. The goodness of transformation by the Holy Spirit overcame me when I read Christian books. The goodness of a virtual community (like ubfriends) brought much peace and light and healing to my soul. And the goodness of LGBTQIA people who accepted me helped me re-connect with goodness again. Most importantly my wife and mother and all my family became my bedrock of goodness again.

Here is a quote from my second book:

“For the most part, I feel that I was drawn out of UBF. One could say the Holy Spirit lead me to UBF and lead me away from UBF in order to display God’s goodness. That drawing out began in 2003 when my family moved to Detroit as UBF pioneers. My time in Toledo UBF was intensely regulated the entire 16 years, being consumed by attending UBF meetings on a daily basis. But my time in Detroit was free of such meetings. For the most part, our family was left alone. The downside of this was that we felt abandoned and had no support to actually build up a Christian church. The upside was that we had no more direct supervision from UBF missionaries. We were free! I used this time at first to defend UBF ideologies on the internet. But it was quickly pointed out to me by former UBF members that my situation as a “pioneering” family was very different from normal a UBF experience. I could not but agree. And one by one, all my defenses of UBF fell apart. I desperately wanted to defend the organization that I had given my blood, sweat and tears for. As my defenses fell apart, I began seeking Christian writings and sermons. I fell in love with the work of Charles Spurgeon. I met my grandparents’ pastor several times and read some of the Christian books he gave me. All this lead me to have a strong desire for community.”

One final note

In the end it was and has been the gospel of Jesus Christ that set me free from UBF ideology and is breaking every chain!  Please read Isabelle’s book and process all these things:  “I Choose: Subtlety in Cults“

They share the gospel through worship

The first thing that comes to my mind about Westloop UBF is the worship. I have had the privilege to worship with them three times in the last several years. Each time I felt the love of Christ and heard the gospel through the unspoken chords of music they played. I’m not talking about the style of music or the words of music exactly. It was that the Holy Spirit in me rejoiced to meet up with the Holy Spirit in them.

They accept me

This might be the most profoundly Christ-like aspect of Westloop UBF. Or it might be to some the most Satanic aspect. But they accept me for who I am. They made no attempts to change me. They let me speak without a script. They asked me questions to understand me. They wanted to know more about my books. I will never forget my discussions and prayer with Henry. He is truly an ambassador of Christ.

They disagree with me

The thing I love most about Ben is that he is not afraid to disagree with me. We don’t tip-toe around but share why we disagree. While there is much we agree on, there is much we don’t agree on. And believe it or not, I have changed based on some of Ben’s feedback. For example, early on I was brutally criticizing ubf. Ben told me I am like a spotlight. He suggested becoming a laser light with pinpoint accuracy might be more effective than just blasting ubf with spotlights. I have learned endlessly from Ben’s Facebook posts as well!

They live in the gap

There is a famous verse in the bible about standing in the gap. No one exemplifies this more in my life than Ben and Rhoel and Westloop UBF. I don’t now how they do it exactly but somehow they live in the tension between ubf and exubf. They have redeemed the name “UBF” and yet still remain part of the organization. I am not strong enough to do such a thing, so I respect them highly. Maybe you just have to be a Looper to understand this!

They appointed me

Here is a little-known fact that many Loopers may not even know (or like). After I resigned from being Director of Detroit UBF, Ben made my wife and I honorary elders at Westloop UBF. I accepted. So wrap your mind around this: I really never left ubf.

So thank you Westloop Church! You have shown me the love of Christ and I thank you for this. I love you Loopers!

After at least 10 years of thousands of hours of private conversations between Joe and many UBF leaders in Chicago and around the world, the President of UBF reaches out to Joe. This is what happened as far as I can tell.

Timeline of General Director Voting

3/1/15 – The President of UBF ignores the past 10 years and out of the blue, asks Joe to vote for the new General Director. Augustine Sohn, the President of UBF, asked Joe if he was still a ubf member and whether Joe would be voting for the next General Director of ubf in a second round of voting. The first round of voting by a small number of top-level ubf leaders had resulted in a tie between Isaac Kim in LA and Abraham T Kim in Chicago. So now the vote must go to the International Advisory Members (about 90 people) to see if either candidate gets a majority vote.

3/2/15 – Joe responds to Augustine and also shares his response in an open letter on ubfriends.
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/02/an-open-letter-to-the-president-of-ubf/

3/11/15 – News breaks about closing a ubf factory in Mexico
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/11/the-work-of-satan-in-mexico/
Mr. Rhee who is a ubf missionary, owns a sock factory in Mexico. He and 3 other ubf missionaries were detained by Mexican police and their factory shut down for a few weeks. It appears they were released later and the factory re-opened. The allegations were sexual abuse and worker abuse such as long hours, lacking benefits, lacking safety equipement and underage workers. This event had prevented Mr. Rhee from voting in the first round of General Director voting (his vote would have broken the first round tie). Hence, the need to ask more leaders (like Joe) at ubf to vote in a second round of voting.

3/12/15 – Around this time a second round of voting by about 90+ International Advisory Members (that would include Joe if he voted) finishes and neither candidate gets enough votes to confirm them as the next General Director. This means a third round of voting must happen. This is a “vote of confidence” to confirm whether the candidate with the most votes in round 2 gets to be confirmed. Since Abraham T Kim got the most votes (but not a majority) he is the only candidate in this third round of voting.

3/20/15 – The third round of voting determines that Abraham T Kim is elected as the new General Director
http://www.ubf.org/announcements/north-america/announcement-voting-result-general-director-ubf

4/20/15 – Joe receives a private response from Augustine Sohn, the President of UBF
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/03/02/an-open-letter-to-the-president-of-ubf/#comment-17429

4/23/15 – Alan Wolff, the Vice President of UBF submits his response to Joe anonymously on ubfriends
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/

4/24/15 – James Kim of New York UBF begins making comments on the anonymous letter
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/#comment-17466
Using the name “mrkimmathclass” James’ first comment is “Best post ever!!!!”. James bulldozes the conversation into a discussion about whether ubf is a cult or a church with problems.

4/29/15 – Alan Wolff joins the conversation
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/#comment-17710
http://www.ubfriends.org/2015/04/23/a-response-to-joes-open-letter/#comment-17714

Why Alan’s Comment Summarizes the Problems of ubf

I told Alan that his comment was a slap in the face. His response was “Sorry Brian, what I said what was not meant to be a slap in the face.”

This is a one-sentence snapshot that reveals why I call ubf a cult. Fix these three things and ubf will actually begin changing for the better.

There are many reasons why I say ubf is a cult. I plan to share those more organized thoughts in a follow-up article this week. For today, let’s process the following three concepts embodied by Alan’s simple comment to me.

– Rejecting the perspective of others

Cults dictate their own reality according to their own group narrative. Alan’s comment dismissed my perspective. His words about labels felt like a slap in the face. But he fails to acknowledge that my perspective has any value at all. This communicates to me that my views have no bearing on the discussion. If there is any pet-peeve of my time at ubf, it is that I was trained to dictate my reality. Instead of respect for other perspectives, I learned to force my ideas onto the facts around me. This is the most damaging aspect of ubf training. It is true that we all bring our own bias to any conversation. But it is harmful to create a KOPAHN ideology and then dictate that ideology onto every person and every situation. Christians respect the conscience and perspectives of other people. Respecting conscience is a significant theme in the bible. I see this respect is what Jesus did repeatedly in Scripture. To dismiss the view of someone is to demean their value as a human being. Is there any example of Jesus demeaning the value of a person or someone’s perspective?

– Writing anonymously

Cults give you a non-authentic identity. The need for ubf and ex-ubf people to remain anonymous is understandable, but also a red flag. It is a symptom of having lost your own identity and the ability to make your own decisions. It reflects a desire to be closed off from the outside word. It reflects a desire to hide. Christians do not hide. The gospel message is to be a light on a lampstand. The life of the Christian community is to be a city on a hill for all to see. Sure there are times when Christians may need to go underground. Is this a time when Christians should hide behind anonymous walls?

– Placing value on intention over fact

Cults ignore facts and teach you to figure out and accept the good intention behind whatever leader says or does. (insert Joe’s better thought on exerting yourself as a teacher/expert over other people) What matters to Alan is his intentions and not what he really said. This requires other people to constantly translate what a ubf person intends to say, not what they actually said. This contradicts our ubfriends idea of taking people at face value and not trying to figure out all the complexities of invisible intention. Christians look at the fruit of someone. Do we find any examples in Scripture where people’s intentions are validated when those intentions contradict the facts? Do we see examples of people of faith facing the facts of their lives?

This sermon was delivered on April 26th, 2015 at West Loop UBF.

Introduction

A bit of disclosure is in order here: Since September of last year, I haven’t been attending church on a weekly basis. I’ve attended Catholic Mass a few times and have taken communion and have also had ongoing conversations about the Bible and life with others and have done my own personal study on biblical topics, but nothing like being plugged into a faith community on a regular basis. To some this may be disconcerting or off-putting, like who takes a half a year off of church and then preaches a sermon? But I thank Rhoel for reaching out to me and befriending and simply talking to me on a human-to-human level. One thing that I really appreciate about the West Loop community is you all’s desire to understand and practice the gospel in a loving manner. So I thank you all for accepting me and giving me the privilege to speak here today. I don’t take this lightly and I don’t want to waste your time, but instead I want to hopefully communicate an important point about the gospel that I think we, including myself, often miss. I’ll attempt to make my point in thirty minutes or less and end with a nice cherry on top which is an example from my own life.

What Does it Mean to be “Spiritual” Anyway?

I mentioned how I’ve been taking some time away from organized religion. I felt as though I needed to do this because I was growing increasingly weary of experiencing this disconnect, that I observed, which exists between the concepts of spirituality or “otherness”, that is something beyond our physical world, and the very material reality that we live in today. To put it bluntly (and with an example to follow), I got tired of sitting in church week after week and hearing things that sounded lofty and spiritual, but were not portable to my everyday life. And believe you me; this was not the fault of the church per se, because if anyone knows me, I love lofty ideas. This is more of an internal battle or beef within me.

At some point last year, the big question that I asked myself was what impact does spirituality have on us on a daily basis, that is, how does this line up with our present-day, physical reality in an impactful way? The form of Christianity that I was largely familiar with was one in which that aforementioned disconnect reached a tipping point on some key issues for me. For instance, in Western Evangelicalism, we are often taught as of first importance, that Jesus has forgiven us of our sins once and for all. Now, I don’t dispute this at all and it’s something that I certainly rejoice in. But a type of thought pattern which was pervasive in my own life was this idea that as believers, we are forgiven largely as individuals and as long as we individually are forgiven, then we are right with God and all is well with the universe. The problem with this is that we don’t sin in a vacuum; often times, we wound each other through our sins and if we are honest with ourselves it’s not enough, that when we sin against someone, to say “you know what, Jesus has forgiven me of my sins, so let’s leave it at that and move on”. On one level that’s true, but on another don’t we actually need to seek reconciliation with the other person; isn’t forgiveness at the cross meant to be an entryway into new relationships built on honesty and repentance? Or on the flip side, if I or someone else is wounded by another, we may often think to ourselves, “Jesus alone will heal me of my wounds by way of his sacrifice on the cross”. We tend to both diagnose and treat our wounds in this way; we overly-spiritualize and try to superstitiously wish away our real hurt and pain. And some wounds are spiritual, but there is also the very real, nitty-gritty task of processing our human emotions.  And still the task of reconciliation, and in some cases seeking restitution from the one that wounded us, remains. Don’t you think? But like I said, there is often this disconnect in Christianity where we are encouraged to see ourselves as these spiritual beings who only need spiritual solutions to our very real problems.

I also thought about what David said in Psalm 51:4, where he says “Against you, you only, have I sinned…” While it is true that all sin is, in a sense, against God there is a very real human dimension to what David did. After all, Nathan spells out what he did very bluntly: He killed Uriah the Hittite with sword and stole his wife. Furthermore, David wasn’t even man enough to murder Uriah himself, but indirectly used the Ammonites to do so. Nathan doesn’t pull any punches in regard to the very real people that David hurt; he doesn’t put a spiritual spin on the situation in any way, shape or form.

I’ll tell you what’s also an even bigger problem with this over-spiritualization: Jesus never advocated this. Look at what he says (right after the Lord’s Prayer, which is largely seen as a “spiritual” exercise between a believer and God):

“14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Matt 6:14, 15

Very interesting that Jesus would say this; in the Lord’s Prayer, forgiveness does not appear to be the primary thrust of the prayer, yet Jesus deems it important enough to add a sternly worded epilogue specifically about forgiveness between God and others.*

And consider Jesus’ words here:

22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

It seems to me that Jesus is connecting these “spiritual” acts of forgiveness and worship between God and man to the human relationships that exist in our everyday lives. It’s as if he’s saying that no matter what our relationship is like with God, if we aren’t treating the real human beings in our everyday lives with integrity and compassion, our spirituality doesn’t really amount to much.  And this makes sense because think about who Jesus is; he is God incarnate or God made flesh. He is the very intersection between this spiritual otherness that we define as God and human beings just like ourselves. It’s as if God is saying in Jesus that our spirituality is inherently tied to our physical world, our own humanity and the communities that we are involved in.

Incarnational Ministry vis a vis Empathetic Communication

This incarnational aspect of God is what I want to “flesh” out through Acts 17. This is one of my favorite passages in the Bible for in this we are given a vivid example of God’s desire to communicate spiritual truths to us on our human level.

This was during Paul’s second missionary journey, which transpired between the years 50-52 A.D., (he did three in total) and before he arrived at Athens, he was driven from first Thessalonica and then Berea (where he famously met the “Noble Bereans”).  He was driven out of those regions by Jews who wanted to destroy his gospel-preaching efforts. For the sake of Paul’s safety, he was escorted to Athens with the hope that Timothy and Silas, his traveling companions, would join him there at a later time.

Upon arriving in Athens, Paul is deeply bothered by all of the idolatrous statues in the city. Surely Paul understood that it was Rome’s practice to subsume the religions of those that they subjugated. It was to keep the idea of Pax Romana (which was really not peace) intact. But in Athens it was overkill; one ancient is quoted as saying that Athens had over 30,000 idols [1]. I’m sure that Paul was alarmed by the fact that the Jews in Athens could possibly be syncretizing with the culture around them and thus missing the message of the gospel contained in the Holy Scriptures. Think about how many times that Isaiah denounces idol-worship. In fact, this is one of the key points of his sermon to the philosophers later on. So Paul takes the initiative to engage the Jews and the Greek converts to Judaism (called God-fearing Greeks) in discussions namely concerning the Messiah using the OT. From what Luke records, the idea of the resurrection of Jesus particularly piqued the interest of some of the Greek philosophers and so they begin debating with him. They probably regard him as some unsophisticated, primitive Jew (because remember, Greek culture at the time was hot and Athens in particular was seen as an intellectual bastion of sorts.) They probably argued, “Hey, we have all sorts of gods who are immortal, but an obscure Jewish guy from Palestine sure ain’t one of ‘em.” But nonetheless some of the people were interested in what Paul had to say (Luke notes that a lot of people were content to simply pontificate about the latest ideas at the time). So they took him to a place called the Areopagus, which functioned as a place of settling matters of jurisprudence.

Paul seizes this opportunity, taking the floor and launching into his gospel message. Notice how he begins his dialogue. “People of Athens! I see that in every way are very religious.” This was actually a commendation, because he affirmed the fact that they were somehow seeking to worship or reach out to God. And also notice the fact that he addressed them as Athenians. He didn’t open up his sermon by saying, “Non-descript people group who I’m preaching to, repent or burn in hell!” Rather he started with a positive affirmation which was actually quite true.

Next, Paul exploits one of their idols, using it as an entry point to introduce his God to them. He says, hey you guys have this inscription to an unknown God, and wouldn’t you know I happen to know something about a God that you guys don’t know about so take a listen to this:

24 “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. 25 And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. 26 From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. 27 God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. 28 ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’

29 “Therefore since we are God’s offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by human design and skill. 30 In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. 31 For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to everyone by raising him from the dead.”

This is such a profound message of God’s initiative to reach out to us. He corrects the idea of man’s tendency to make God in his own image, thus fashioning idols and temples and so forth; he turns this notion completely on its head by saying that no, we are in fact made in God’s image. And he’s not dependent on us, endlessly requiring our servitude so that he may be both appeased and sustained. Furthermore, he’s not a vending machine that only blesses us when we do something for him. Rather, out of his own loving initiative, he is the one that ultimately serves us and gives life and provision to us. And look at what Paul is doing; he’s essentially giving the message of the entire OT without using OT quotes or references. He understands that his audience doesn’t have the OT as a reference point, so he communicates biblical truths in a way that they can understand. In fact, he intersperses quotes from their own poets and philosophers. Aratus, a Cilician Stoic philosopher and poet remarked that we are God’s offspring. And the Cretan philosopher Epiminedes wrote that “in him we live and move and have our being.” These are beautiful statements which completely undermine the sentiment that we have come about by happenstance; indeed, God was intimately involved in everything from choosing our skin color and ethnicity to determining where we would be born; God infuses his own image into us so that through interacting with each other, we would come to know him in his fullness (theologically, this is called the variegated or multi-faceted nature of God). So it is no mistake that we are who we are, rather it is God’s perfect wisdom to put us in the optimal position where we could reach out to him and know him.

Finally, Paul closes with the revelation of God’s appointed judge, Jesus Christ. He will rule the earth with justice and judge every act; he will put everything in its proper place. A foreshadow of this kind of perfect adjudication is found in the resurrection and thus vindication of his Son; he was unjustly put to death, but God rose him from the dead in effect reversing the edict of guilt showing that he had power over such definitive decrees. Not even the stark reality of death can overcome God’s desire to mete out justice. In fact, Christ is justice personified and that is why he prevails even over death. This is a massive comfort to those who long for justice in this world; those who are involved in combating sex trafficking and tackling civil rights and equality issues. In the person of Christ, we see that mankind’s ultimate trajectory is toward becoming a perfectly just and loving being like him.

Through a comparison of the tenets of Epicureanism and Stoicism (link to ppt slide), we can see specifically how Paul contextualized the gospel to his audience. (The red and blue circled items are tenets which line up with Christianity while the strike-throughs do not) Note a few things here: 1) Paul affirms some of the positive aspects found in each philosophy (namely, free will and determinism). And he corrects some things which are vital to understanding Christianity and knowing the incarnational nature of God. For instance, God is theistic rather than deistic and understanding our existence does not come from abstract wisdom (logos) but rather through knowing God the person in Christ (Logos). Paul has a keen understanding of his audience and out of love, he can empathize with some of their beliefs and make a meaningful connection with them.

How God has Contextualized the Gospel to Me

Several years back I developed something called the Evil Survey, where I simply ask students about the problem of evil. After all, this is an issue that the gospel seeks to rectify and it hits home with everyone, religious or not. So the method is to simply ask questions and understand people’s world views. It doesn’t use any biblical language and avoids asking both leading and loaded questions. Through this, I’ve had many eye-opening conversations with people from all kinds of backgrounds including believers, atheists, Muslims, Hindus, agnostics, former believers and so forth. Notably, what I’ve come to learn through this process of listening and asking questions is that 1) people genuinely long for someone to listen to and either challenge or affirm their worldviews and 2) I have to respect where people are at in a given moment in their lives. It’s as if God has been evangelizing me or teaching me the gospel through this, making me more human in the process. And this comports with a statement made by the German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer,

“The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them. It is God’s love for us that He not only gives us His Word but also lends us His ear.

So it is His work that we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him. Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.” [2]

Though he’s speaking about the Christian community here, I believe full and well that we should apply this to those outside of the church. Additionally, I work in a multi-cultural environment where rather than preaching to my colleagues, I have taken the approach of simply seeking to understand where they are coming from. What are their life narratives? For instance, as someone who has migrated from the Middle East, what is it like to now live in America? What are the challenges, what do you like and dislike about it? What do you think about life and spirituality? Again, this process has served to humanize me and it has made me realize that as human beings, we all stand together in a sort of solidarity in that we are trying to make sense of life and seek some kind of meaningful purpose.

Counter-intuitive, Unconditional Love

But the main way that I have come to know the gospel in a contextual manner is through my wife. My wife and I are almost complete opposites. She’s always on time, has a schedule for everything and is detailed oriented to the tee. She doesn’t like to talk much either; she’s a doer. I couldn’t be more annoying to her. I’m always late, I take my time and I’m a lofty thinker and my head is usually stuck in the clouds. Plus, I like to talk. A. Lot. I always ask her, “What’s on your mind?” and I want to engage her in some kind of theological discussion, to which I receive the proverbial eye roll and sigh from her.

All this said, over the years, I’ve come to find out that my wife is one of the most loving people I have ever known. She puts up with so much of my stuff. If marriage teaches you anything, it’s that yes, you’re a jerk. See, mom will never admit this to you, though she knows it’s true. She’ll love you till the day you die but your wife loves you enough to tell it like it is. But my wife loves this jerk. She accepts me as I am and affirms the good things she sees in me on a daily basis. I’m simply floored and smitten by this kind of love. I’ve come to the conclusion that her unconditional love is God’s incarnate love to me. It’s fascinating how counter-intuitive his love can be. I thought that love would be putting me with someone who is the same as me, but in fact, it has come through two seemingly opposites. But this is wonderful, because through her I’m able to view an intriguing and captivating side of God that I would have otherwise never known. And now we have these beautiful children who are a product of this incarnate love. When I look into their faces, I’m amazed and taken aback at what God has done. We’re all vastly different in our little family unit and thus we’re put in a position where we can each grow in our humanity, that is, in Christ’s image together. So my family has sort of been the church to me over this past half year or so.

My Hope for the Church

In closing, I want to remark on a saying that I used to hear in ministry. It’s that you don’t have to necessarily like your fellow church members but you do have to love them. This is one of the most misguided sentiments I have ever heard. How are you going to love someone that you don’t like anything about? The gospel affirms each of us as individual and unique human beings. While the cross reveals the ugliness of our sin, it also helps us to look past this in order to see the beautiful images of God in one another and simply appreciate, learn from and behold that beauty. When we look at one another, we are looking into the face of Christ, I believe. Wouldn’t it be great to simply relate to one another in the church in this way? This is my prayer and hope. I’m starting first in midst of my family members. And who knows, I may someday again commit myself to a particular church fellowship. Thank you all for listening and God bless you all abundantly.

[1] Kayser, Phillip G., “Ruins of Athens – The Curse of the Athenian Model of Education”. Biblical Blueprints. 2009. Pg. 4 [http://biblicalblueprints.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/RuinsOfAthens.pdf]

[2] Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. “Life Together”. 1954.

*[Author’s note] This originally said, “Very interesting that Jesus would say this; there is nothing about forgiveness in the Lord’s Prayer, yet this is right at the end of it making a seemingly important point.” This is of course wrong. I’ve both read and written about the Lord’s Prayer many times, so I might chalk that glaring error up to confirmation bias; I felt strongly about making a point about forgiveness and so I viewed the prayer a certain way. Good lesson in objectivity or the lack thereof we sometimes display. This could also indicate that I simply need someone to proofread my material beforehand :)

Cs Lewis starts his address by stating that he will not be talking about what many of them assumed he would talk about: post World War 2 Europe. He says this is because most cannot be expected to marginally contribute to this condition in the next 10 years because “You will be busy finding jobs, getting married, acquiring facts.” This was striking to me because it is totally avoid of the modern mentality of “you can do anything” and the idealism that sweeps across modern campuses. He is being real here. He says instead he will give them advice for their lives. The next part is good enough to quote in its entirety:
“And of course everyone knows what a middle-aged moralist of my type warns his juniors against. He warns them against the World, the Flesh, and the Devil. But one of this trio will be enough to deal with today. The Devil, I shall leave strictly alone. The association between him and me in the public mind has already gone quite as deep as I wish: in some quarters it has already reached the level of confusion, if not of identification. I begin to realise the truth of the old proverb that he who sups with that formidable host needs a long spoon. As for the Flesh, you must be very abnormal young people if you do not know quite as much about it as I do. But on the World I think I have something to say.”
He goes on to say that in all groups of people the world over there exists an unwritten social code. Some people are “in” and some are “out”. He says many times there are no formal admissions, no formal expulsions. “People think they are in it after they have in fact been pushed out of it, or before they have been allowed in: this provides great amusement for those who are really inside. It has no fixed name. The only certain rule is that the insiders and outsiders call it by different names.” From the outside, if you despair of getting into it, you call it “That gang” or “they” or “So and so and his inner circle”. If you are up for admission you probably don’t call it anything. To discuss it with the other outsiders would make you feel outside yourself. And to mention talking to the man who is inside, and who may help you if this present conversation goes well, would be madness.
He proceeds though the rest of the essay to show that through all points in all people’s lives there is this intense desire to be “in”. Even those who protest being a part of the “in” crowd form a different group, and view themselves as “in” that group- the group protesting. “People who believe themselves to be free, and indeed are free, from snobbery, and who read satires on snobbery with tranquil superiority, may be devoured by the desire in another form.” He continues to say that trying to be a part of the in crowd (what he calls an inner circle) is a permanent main spring of human action. He says if you have never stayed up at night wondering why you did something to be a part of a group, to be included…then are you are more fortunate than most.
He gives two cautions. The first is that there is a difference between wanting to merely be a part of a group to be a part of a group and being a part of a group with a purpose. A person who loves chess and joins a chess club becomes a part of a ring, but he has found an “inside” worth having- whereas the person who joins the chess club because he wants to be in a club doesn’t really have a reward. The second caution is that Inner Rings are a large part of what allows good people to do bad things.
“And the prophecy I make is this. To nine out of ten of you the choice which could lead to scoundrelism will come, when it does come, in no very dramatic colours. Obviously bad men, obviously threatening or bribing, will almost certainly not appear. Over a drink, or a cup of coffee, disguised as triviality and sandwiched between two jokes, from the lips of a man, or woman, whom you have recently been getting to know rather better and whom you hope to know better still—just at the moment when you are most anxious not to appear crude, or naïf or a prig—the hint will come. It will be the hint of something which the public, the ignorant, romantic public, would never understand: something which even the outsiders in your own profession are apt to make a fuss about: but something, says your new friend, which “we”—and at the word “we” you try not to blush for mere pleasure—something “we always do.”
And you will be drawn in, if you are drawn in, not by desire for gain or ease, but simply because at that moment, when the cup was so near your lips, you cannot bear to be thrust back again into the cold outer world. It would be so terrible to see the other man’s face—that genial, confidential, delightfully sophisticated face—turn suddenly cold and contemptuous, to know that you had been tried for the Inner Ring and rejected. And then, if you are drawn in, next week it will be something a little further from the rules, and next year something further still, but all in the jolliest, friendliest spirit. It may end in a crash, a scandal, and penal servitude; it may end in millions, a peerage and giving the prizes at your old school. But you will be a scoundrel.
That is my first reason. Of all the passions, the passion for the Inner Ring is most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things.”

He concludes that the quest to be a part of the in crowd will break you unless you break it. Friendship is necessarily about something else- it is two hearts loving the same thing. He says that inner rings are avoidable- but we can through friendship and true love form something that looks identical to an inner ring.

And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that the secrecy is accidental, and its exclusiveness a by-product, and no one was led thither by the lure of the esoteric: for it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ring can ever have it.
We are told in Scripture that those who ask get. That is true, in senses I can’t now explore. But in another sense there is much truth in the schoolboy’s principle “them as asks shan’t have.” To a young person, just entering on adult life, the world seems full of “insides,” full of delightful intimacies and confidentialities, and he desires to enter them. But if he follows that desire he will reach no “inside” that is worth reaching. The true road lies in quite another direction. It is like the house in Alice Through the Looking Glass.

Per the question about membership, it probably goes without saying that the most important membership we have is in the body of Christ. While it may be obvious, it is the starting point of any Christian church’s legitimacy and must be mentioned. Our fundamental identity comes from our relationship with God through Christ, not from an organization. By God’s grace in Jesus Christ we are part of the larger, invisible church of God (Eph 4:25, 1 Cor 12) that spans human organizations and carries out his will in the world. The head of that church is Christ himself (Col 1:18, Eph 1:22-23). The benefits of this membership are numerous. The Holy Spirit lives within us, we have been given diverse spiritual gifts to use for God’s glory, we are part of a supportive community, we can grow through being accountable to each other, and we have a context through which we can serve the Lord to bring the gospel to the ends of earth, among many other things. Our responsibility towards each other is to do everything in love (1 Cor 16:14, John 13:34) and to seek peace and reconciliation (Rom 12:18, Mt 5:23-24). Communion is a symbol of our corporate fellowship with Christ, based on his broken body and the shedding of his blood for our sins. As we examine ourselves and repent of sins before taking communion (1 Cor 12:27-33), so we have the responsibility to continually be cleansed of sin in our lives and grow as Christ’s unblemished bride (Ephesians 5:25-27). Any Christian organization or church, including UBF, is subject first and foremost to the expectations of behavior for a member of the Body of Christ.

The church is greatly beloved of Christ and is a glorious manifestation of his love and purpose in the world, but it is not without its issues. Christ knows the good deeds of the church (Rev 2:2-3, 2:9-10, 2:13, 2:19, 3:8, 3:13), but he is also critical of her (Rev 2:4, 2:16, 2:20, 3:1-2, 3;15). He says to one of the churches in Revelation, “Those who I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” (Rev 3:19) In the same way, while we may love the church we are realistic about it. She should not be an idol. We don’t serve an organization or a church in a vacuum; we serve the Lord himself through the church. We acknowledge that while our Lord is perfect, his church may have blemishes and stains that require cleansing and redemption.

UBF is one small part of the body of Christ. Samuel Lee was not the founder of UBF. He started the organization along with Sarah Barry in 1961. In fact, it is almost impossible to imagine UBF ministry without both Samuel Lee and Sarah Barry. Ultimately it is God who started a ministry through UBF. God has mysteriously chosen to use fragile human beings, who have both good points and sins, in his work.

I knew Samuel Lee for more than two decades and for most of those years I was around him at least 3-4 times per week. God taught me a lot of good things through him. Overall my experiences with him and my observations of him were and still are mostly positive, though not all of it was positive and some of it was odd.

Of the 17 bullet points Joe listed related to Samuel Lee, I personally witnessed or experienced 7 of them at some point in time, though they may not have applied to everyone all of the time as you implied for a few of them. I heard about the other 10 items you mentioned happening to people. I can’t independently verify that those 10 items actually happened, but am reasonably certain that they did happen though they may not have applied to everyone all of the time as you implied for a few of them.

What do you think of getting blasted by a high pressure water hose for punishment, being forced to spend hours crawling on your knees in cold water, carrying heavy loads, and going without sleep and food for extended periods of time all the while someone is yelling at you at the top of his lungs? It sounds pretty abusive if you don’t know the context. But this is exactly what they do in the training for the Special Forces in the Navy (the SEALs), and all of those men voluntarily go through this training in order to prepare to be leaders and prepared for the harshness of real combat. One of the more inspiring videos I have seen is the 2014 Commencement Address at the University of Texas by Admiral William H. McRaven, who headed up the US Special Forces Command at one time. If you haven’t seen the video and have a spare 20 minutes, please check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70.

What do you think of being required to take a vow of poverty, chastity and obedience to the hierarchy in order to serve the Lord Jesus? This also sounds pretty restrictive, legalistic, tough and contradictory to the love and grace of Jesus, but it is exactly what they do in the Jesuit Order of the Catholic Church, from which Pope Francis came. Jesuits are trained rigorously in many ways and can’t even own the shirt on their back, but they voluntarily submit to these to grow in their faith, and to mold their character to be more humble and obedient to the Lord.

For Lee and the people who went through the things you mentioned (and more), they had a similar motivation as those who go through the training in the above examples. I think that Samuel Lee wanted UBF to be something like a Christian Special Forces and a Jesuit-type organization. Since he and Sarah Barry took the Great Commission very seriously, the driving force was their zeal to spread the gospel to the ends of the earth and to make disciples in Christ’s name. Lots of people met Christ through their Bible teaching. Many were moved by the Holy Spirit to voluntarily go through various kinds of trainings at Lee’s direction in order to learn to rely on God, to be strong in harsh circumstances and to overcome in order to be Christ’s witness. It was good training for them, and many vigorously testify to that to this day. Many voluntarily became missionaries. God used them and is still using them to share his word and his love, and to in turn make more disciples of Jesus.

But Lee’s approach was not good for everyone. The Navy SEALs give each person the option of “ringing the bell” to quit at any time. The Jesuits also provide a path out if that is not God’s call in a person’s life. In UBF, Lee and others sometimes did not present a clear way to opt out. It was his way or the proverbial highway to hell sometimes. Some did not voluntarily sign up for “training” or were not ready for it but got that treatment anyway, and this caused unnecessary problems that look like abuse. Lee was given and exerted a great deal of control over the lives of a number of people. His zeal for God, genuine compassion for people, love of the Bible, wit and insight were remarkable. These qualities made him a benevolent dictator for many he was around for the vast majority of the time. But Lee had his shortcomings, as we all do, that had amplified effects because of his position of power. A dose of Confucian cultural norms, a pinch of Korean nationalism and a smidgen of Machiavellian turpitude made Lee’s mostly unchecked power problematic at times.

The strong emphasis on mission in UBF is a wonderful thing, but when misapplied it creates some knotty issues. For example, some people may not have met Christ deeply before earnestly participating in mission work. Thus, it could have come across that a message of salvation by works was being preached rather than salvation by faith in Christ alone, and it could have been inferred that service to the church or people in the church was most imperative. In other cases, mission was put above families, causing hurt, neglect and dysfunction. Only the Lord himself deserves first place in our lives, not an organization. And putting the Lord first is not inconsistent with loving our families and being a responsible person in the world. While our church and the students on the campus are important, our families, jobs, friendships and even our enemies are an integral part of our mission of making disciples of Jesus as well as of our witness for Christ.

The good qualities that Lee possessed and practiced consistently are elements that any ministry would want to maintain. We thank God for those positive legacies in our UBF ministry, and the work of the Holy Spirit through them. However, while it is necessary to have strong leaders, there has been work to remedy and redeem continuing authoritarianism in the ministry and its consequences. Leaders are being referred to more as “Pastor” rather than “Director”. More local chapters have bodies of elders so as to provide more shared leadership, and servant leadership is being emphasized more in staff interactions. There has been a gradual transition from Korean missionary leadership to native leadership. In parallel, I am aware of UBF reaching out to several people and families who have been adversely affected by ministry practices to apologize and promote reconciliation, and I foresee the possibility of this happening on a larger scale. The time frame for all of this is now and on a continuous basis going forward. Any attempt to address everything in one fell swoop at a particular point in time with one action or with one document would be a spurious exercise.

Having said the above, it is clear that any initiative or response in any amount of time is not good enough. A lot of the issues should have been dealt with long ago, or never even should have been allowed to happen in the first place. Many of us just may not fully understand yet about how we negatively impacted some people. We are all on our own spiritual journeys, dealing with our own personal issues, wounds and sins, and are still trying to process what God has been teaching us, but there are opportunities for frank and respectful interaction in many types of forums and contexts going forward. There is room for contrition, listening to narratives that may not be to our liking, and embracing people we misunderstood, disrespected, hurt and damaged in the past. Perhaps through this process God may help us to learn more and bring healing and blessing to those who have left, as well as to those who are in UBF.

As an additional note, there are numerous other ways we may not fully understand what we have done. I know some people who worked very hard to share Bible studies and sacrificed much to help others but are discouraged because they feel that they have little or nothing to show for their efforts. I’ve seen despair over what some consider to be “fruitless” ministry. But oftentimes our work in ministry cannot be accurately measured by numbers of people in a meeting, nor any other conventional metric. Some have come to faith in Christ through Bible study in the ministry and then have gone on to serve the Lord in other ways outside of UBF. Some may not have grown to be disciples in the sense UBF understands it but have been greatly encouraged by the Bible studies and the amazing acts of kindness by our missionaries and shepherds at critical times. The faithful everyday lives of God’s people in the world are a wonderful influence and testimony. God often works in ways we do not expect. I am blown away by the reaction of the “righteous” people in the parable of the sheep and the goats (Mt 25:31-46). They were surprised to hear that they had done anything of note, but the King saw it quite differently (Mt 12:40).

I am thankful for the work of the Holy Spirit through UBF as one small part of the body of Christ and pray that God may have mercy on us to repent where necessary and do what is right in his sight. Evangelism and discipleship is only strengthened, not hurt, when we are honest about our shortcomings in the process of striving to be even more authentic disciples of Jesus Christ.

Meeting gay Christians during sabbatical

It has been an amazing journey since that baptism. I have connected with numerous gender and sexual minority Christians and allies, both via social media and in person. The LGBTQAI community welcomed me, accepted me and loved me.

Still, for the past three years, I answered the question of “What denomination are you?” with one word: done.  I held my own “Brian’s beer church” (membership of one) every week. I took time to detox and be outside the gates of Christendom. I enjoyed the time immensely. It was my sabbatical. And I highly recommend taking one or two or more years if you need time to re-connect with life and with your self and with the world around you without the influence of the church. Such a thing was healthy for me.

Moved to return to church

This past weekend I had the great privilege to spend five days worshiping, learning and connecting with lesbian and gay and intersex Christians and their allies. If you ever get this chance, please pursue it! I saw the glory of God as their hearts poured out to God. I saw the kingdom of God where there is no “male and female” (Galatians 3:28). And I was accepted.

I found I have many roles to play in the kingdom of God. I have much to process right now, but I can say clearly now: I love the church. I am a Christian. I love God’s people. And I love my self. I am full of gratitude for Matthew Vines, the gay Christian who inspired me to love the gospel and to love the church.

What worship experiences have you had recently? What motivates you to love people? How do you love the church? What roles have you discovered for using your talents in the kingdom of God?

[picture credit: “Church” artwork by my mother, Linda Yenser]

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them they should have behaved better.” It is in the same vein as Chesterton’s quote on publication. Chesterton was a journalist first, so this quote carries a lot of authority with it

“In matters of truth the fact that you don’t want to publish something is, nine times out of ten, a proof that you ought to publish it.”

With that in mind I would like you show you something I never planned on publishing. What follows is my “revised” testimony on John 10. John 10, if you recall, is the chapter where Jesus says he is the good shepherd. UBF is all about this chapter, and it is frequently used to solicit what I will call a “shepherd’s confession”. In this confession the person dedicates himself fully to being a shepherd to God’s people which sounds good. In reality the phrase means one dedicates themselves fully to UBF. There is no concept of fulfilling this shepherd calling in any other way. When I wrote my first testimony for John 10 (which was published here) I made sure to explain that Jesus is my shepherd and he will guide me, and secondly it is dangerous to take the shepherd metaphor too literally, and too far. I was told that my testimony was not enough about Jesus. I was told that I had “controversial ideas”. My ideas were compared to Stephan Hawking’s atheist responses to religion. With that in mind I wrote the following masterpiece.

John chapter 10 is about Jesus the good Shepherd. In this passage Jesus explains he is the good shepherd. Jesus protects us and takes care of us and keeps us from straying. He punishes the stubborn sheep to put them back in line. I once heard of a story of Dr. Samuel Lee who would help correct his sheep by dropping them off far away from the Chicago main center so they could learn the humility of Christ when they walked back. In this way he was a shepherd. Jesus is the gate and the only way to obtain salvation. Salvation comes only though a personal relationship with Jesus. No head knowledge is needed and it will hinder and harm a perfect walk with Christ. As Cs Lewis says “[theology] is a way, not the safest way.” In fact the Phrassies were very knowledgeable. Jesus the Shepherd wants his sheep to obey their shepherd. Jesus lays down his life for his sheep and then comes back from the dead as he is given authority to do. This is the basic premise of the passage. But what does this mean for me? It means I need to learn obedience to God’s shepherd. It means I need to accept the idea that I am to be a shepherd otherwise I cannot be sure that I will do what God strenuously desires for my soul. It means that I must be like Jesus. And who was Jesus? He was a shepherd. Since he was a shepherd I must be a shepherd. How did Christ love us? He died for us, but more importantly he made disciples and fed God’s flock. I must do the same. Otherwise I am worthless. “Woe to me if I don’t preach the gospel.” This spiritual milk, this line of reasoning, is needed to help my weak and immature heart. It is necessary to understand my role as God’s kingdom worker.

If I don’t feed God’s sheep I have no mission in my life. If I don’t feed God’s sheep I have only a worldly purpose. Christ wants everything from me. To him no half measures are any good. In perfect obedience to Him and his servants must I be otherwise I will be dead in my purpose. If I do not take up his yoke of raising disciples in accordance to Mat 23:19 I am nothing. I may as well give all I possess to the poor and surrender myself to the flames because I have not the love of Christ in my heart. My worldly pursuits and secular interests take away from the time that I could spend serving God in obedience making disciples and reading the bible. My interests cannot be divided. My key verse for this year even says as much “I would like you to be free from concern an unmarried man is concerned with the Lord’s affairs how can he please the Lord.” I pray that I can be a shepherd like Jesus.

The confusion ran high after this. It was not presented and I have not since had my testimonies edited. I guess I made my point.

Love and marriage

Marriage and the Trinity. I’ve previously written a few articles on marriage. If Not For UBF I Would Not Be Married (2013). Marriage by faith (Should no dating be a church policy?) (2012). Marriage is covenant keeping (2011). Marriage is ever mysterious, majestic, mystical, magical and marvelous. For of all human relationships marriage most mirrors the Trinity, especially regarding love, intimacy, friendship, trust and vulnerability. That is why the fulfillment of a happy marriage knows no limit, while the agony of a bad marriage can be totally devastating and heart breaking.

Keep your head. Today it seems to be almost a given that the majority of people will only marry those they love. Surely there’s nothing wrong with this. But a wise U.S. President said to his daughter regarding marriage, “With matters of the heart you must always keep your head.” This is surely sound advice, for when objectivity is clouded, hazy or lost Prince Charming morphs into some hideous alien creature after marriage.

Is there no one I can marry? Once I advised a group of single young Christian women about the kind of man they should NEVER marry: The lazy, the drunks, the addicts, the irresponsible, those who cuss and spend hours playing video games, those who flirt and watch porn, and especially those who can’t control their temper during courtship. Then I realized that I’ve virtually excluded ALL potential husbands! But I think that my list is still valid.

For the single young Christian man I perhaps have only one thing to say: Do not marry entirely based on “something in the way she moves!” As much as I love the song, it’s probably horrible advice for marriage.

My favorite quote for fathers. “The best way for a father to love his children is to love their mother.” As all parents should know, children do not listen to their parents’ advice but they follow their example.

Love must be forever. God’s love is forever (Jer 31:3). It never changes (Heb 13:8). Lee Kwan Yew (1923-2015), the great statesman who build Singapore from a third world country to a first world country died recently. A less known fact about him is that he continued to love and care for his wife after she had a stroke and became an invalid until her death at age 89. An account of his unfailing love for his wife is here. The great Princeton theologian Benjamin Warfield (1851-1921) similarly loved his invalid wife and revolved his entire life and marriage on taking care of her….for 39 years.

Going back to what my friend said, I responded that a happy marriage primarily depends on loving the one you marry. He agreed. Is it that simple?

Gary Webb broke the news in a series of articles that won him a Pulitzer Prize. But the stories he published made many people uncomfortable. Government agents retaliated against him, and major newspapers tried to discredit his work. Eventually the people closest to him, who had supported his efforts, succumbed to peer pressure and threw Webb under the bus.

As I watched this film, it brought up vivid memories of how an organization to which I belonged for many years treated members who brought up issues that the group found inconvenient. Someone wrote on a Facebook page, “Stop making UBF the scapegoat for your own problems and failures.” The person who wrote that took the accepted definition of a scapegoat and turned it upside down. Scapegoating is not something that a disgruntled individual does to a community; it is how a group treats a wayward member whom it perceives as a threat.

Scapegoating happens when a community senses shame and guilt that rightfully belongs to the group, a pattern of sin for which they are collectively responsible, and decides to take the easy way out. Instead of doing the self-examination and soul-searching that would lead to corporate repentance, they find a person who seems disposable, make that individual the problem, and throw him under the bus. The convenient choice for a scapegoat is a witness, a whistleblower, who sees wrongdoing and begins to call it out. His message would embarrass the powers-that-be, so a decision is made to isolate the messenger, to blame him for everything and drive him out of the camp. As the high priest and his attendants carry out the sentence, the rest of the community stands by and watches. Some heap criticism on the scapegoat. Others keep quiet, trembling in fear that someday they will suffer the same fate. The rest say, “This has nothing to do with me; it’s not my job to get involved.” Once the sacrifice has been made, the group stands in awkward silence. An unspoken pact is made to forget what happened and wipe the incident and the victim from memory. A moment later, life returns to normal, and everyone goes on with business as usual.

Scapegoating  happens in every tribe,  but it is most troubling and ironic when a group of Christians, those who proclaim that “Christ died for our sins,” gather up their guilt and shame and pile it on a brother or sister or son or daughter.  One example that is fresh in my mind is this testimony  of a young man who discovered sexual abuse happening in his UBF chapter, along with other unpleasantries such as drug dealing, racist remarks and ethnocentricism. He brought these things to the attention of leaders and pastors, trusting that they would take corrective action. Instead, this young man was criticized, marginalized, accused and blamed; the “loving environment” of this gospel community became so toxic that he had no choice but to leave.

That story hit close to home, because the people who apparently engaged in scapegoating included some whom I have known for decades, for whom I retain a degree of love and respect. People who scapegoat never do it consciously.  By definition, they cannot.  If they knew that they were doing it, they would be admitting that the blame they placed on the victim was rightfully theirs, and that admission would make the guilt-transfer impossible. Scapegoating requires the group to keep telling itself a story of its own innocence and goodness. The community must maintain a code of silence, never allowing sensitive and embarrassing issues that led to scapegoating to be talked about openly, because once these things are acknowledged, all the guilt that was heaped upon every scapegoat in the past comes rushing back like a torrent, engulfing the community in a flood of shame, and they can no longer maintain the collective lie.

Another heartbreaking story was recently told to me by someone who played in the Chicago UBF orchestra in the 1990’s. During one of their practices, Samuel Lee walked in. The room fell silent and everyone was on edge. Lee walked up to one of the orchestra members, a young man who was probably thought to be rebellious, and Lee repeatedly slapped him and punched him in the head. The young man wanted to leave, but the orchestra conductor urged him not to go. Then Lee told some members of the orchestra to stand up and punch one another. If they didn’t punch hard enough, he urged them to punch harder. The young man who had been assaulted by Lee was thoroughly disgusted and decided to walk out, and as he went, Lee followed him and said, “Thank me. Before you leave, you should thank me.”

My youngest son is now in 8th grade, about the same age of the orchestra members who witnessed these things. I am trying to imagine what it would be like for my son if I sent him to a church activity, believing that it would help him to grow in faith and experience the love of God, and instead he would be sitting in a room filled with terrified teenagers and college students as a pastor walked around the room and verbally and physically abused them. And then to have every authority figure in his life — his parents, the orchestra conductor, and all the adults in his church — praising this pastor and urging him to submit to this guy no matter what he does because he is “God’s servant,” and because everything he did was done with good intentions and love. I shudder to think about the long-lasting psychological damage this would do to a young man. That damage has been done. It is very real. It has not been acknowledged. Many of us experienced it, in varying ways and degrees. But the UBF community refuses to speak of it, except in whispers behind closed doors. A long list of people who had the clarity and courage to identify this behavior as what it was – physical, psychological, and spiritual abuse – was  tarred as rebellious, unthankful, unspiritual, a bad influence, full of ulterior motives, etc. and driven out of the camp, so that everyone could go on with business as usual and keep telling the story of how beautiful and glorious the community was.

What troubles me most about these stories is that they are about me. Yes, I have been scapegoated for breaking the code of silence and telling these stories in a public space. The scapegoating I experienced was painful, but not nearly as bad as what others have endured. The troubling part is that, for nearly three decades, I participated in the scapegoating. As brave individuals identified wrongdoing and spoke out, I was one of those who remained silent as the community labeled them as troublemakers, deflecting the corporate shame and guilt and heaping it on those who spoke up. I never stood by anyone who was being blamed or marginalized for simply telling the truth. If I had been in the orchestra that day, I am quite sure that I would have sat there in silence as that young man was slapped and punched. I would have thought that surely Samuel Lee had a reason to treat him that way, and it was not my place to get involved or to question the wisdom of God’s servant. Again and again, I swallowed and repeated tales of UBF-uprightness and scapegoat-sinfulness, not because I was completely unaware of the truth, but because I didn’t want to pay the price and become another scapegoat. And, to be honest, I benefitted a great deal from the indulgent praise that UBF heaped upon itself. Those stories gave me the illusion that I was a better person, better than all those halfhearted nominal Christians, because I belonged a better church than they, one that did not compromise in its message or mission. As one of a select few highly educated white Americans in the ministry, I got tons of attention, plenty of speaking roles, management perks, a place at the head table, invitations to travel. It was a good gig, and I didn’t want to mess it up by getting involved in matters that I reasoned were none of my business. So I stood by as one scapegoat after another was blamed for the corporate sin and driven away from the flock. When I finally decided to stand up and say “No more,” it was not because I suddenly became courageous and was willing to pay the unbearable price. No, it was only after I had the moral support of a loving wife and many godly and loyal friends willing to stand beside me so that, if the rest of UBF would throw me under the bus, it wouldn’t hurt nearly as bad. That is my story, a story of corporate guilt and shame that I deflected and channeled onto one scapegoat after another.

Saint Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556), the founder of the Jesuit order, encouraged his followers to meditate on scripture by using their powers of imagination. Evangelical Christians tend to approach Bible passages quasi-scientifically, as subject to be dissected and examined with tools of reason. In contrast, a well known Ignatian practice is to insert oneself into a story from Scripture, first as an observer, then as a participant. For example, with the birth of Jesus from Luke chapter 2, you could paint a mental picture of the manger, conjuring up its sights, sounds, and smells, and then imagine yourself to be one of the shepherds who has come to see Jesus, trying to think what he thinks and feel what he feels. Any good student of the Bible will tend to do this, but Ignatian spiritual practice takes it to a much higher level.

In the Roman Catholic and Anglican traditions, Palm Sunday is sometimes called Passion Sunday. Worshipers at the Eucharistic liturgy are given palms to recall the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem. However, the main passage of Scripture that day is the whole passion narrative from Matthew’s or Mark’s gospel covering the Last Supper, the prayer of Jesus in Gethsemane, his arrest, trial, crucifixion, death and burial.  Most Sundays, the gospel reading is done by a single priest or deacon. On Passion Sunday, however, it becomes a dramatic presentation with multiple readers taking the roles the narrator, Jesus, the chief priests, and so on. A few lines are given to the congregation. A similar pattern is followed on Good Friday, and at that solemn service the passion narrative always comes from John.  Standing among the worshipers and listening can evoke powerful emotions, but at those few moments when the congregation reads its lines, the experience can be downright disturbing.

As you recall the story of the Passion, where do you insert yourself? If you come from an evangelical background, you might see yourself as an apostle. Maybe you are Peter, who loved Jesus but denied him in a moment of weakness.  You probably identify with Barabbas, who deserved to die for his sins, but by an act of divine mercy was set free as the innocent Jesus went to Calvary his place. Standing in the shoes of Barabbas encapsulates what many believe the gospel is all about. When we hear “Christ died for our sins” (1Co 15:3), we think of all the bad things we did as individuals, especially back in the days before we got saved, when we were monstrous men and wayward women, drinking and fornicating and never going to church. We thank God and breathe a sigh of relief that Jesus was nailed to the cross instead of us. Good Friday is when divine wrath was poured out on the Son of God so that we could get off scot-free. Many Christians understand the Passion that way, and I won’t claim that they are entirely wrong. But that is not how the story was told by Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. In the four canonical accounts, the suffering and death of Jesus is never presented as the punishment of an angry God against people who were lustful and lazy, who drank too much, or who denied God’s existence. Last time I checked, Jesus wasn’t crucified by the Association of Atheists, the Federation of Fornicators, or the Society of Scofflaws. Many of those public sinners felt deeply loved and accepted by Jesus. In every account, the proximate cause of the crucifixion was the ire of a religious community upset by what Jesus said and did. Jesus was sent to his death by group that by all accounts was the most devout and Biblically literate society in the world, the very people who saw themselves as the champions of biblical values, who spent endless hours immersed in Scripture, memorizing Scripture, and teaching people to live by Scripture.

The Passion Sunday and Good Friday liturgies do not shy away from this fact. The lines assigned to the congregation are the shouts of the crowd, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”

Am I the only one who finds this strange? After all, the people in church on those occasions are precisely the ones who have gathered in the name of Christ to bear witness to his kingship. They are the ones who have supposedly gotten the gospel right, who have accepted Jesus’ message and who love him the most. And yet, on Passion Sunday and Good Friday, they are made to rise up with one voice, not to defend Jesus’ innocence, but to gather their collective shame and guilt and pile it all on top of him. These so-called people of God are to pat themselves on the back, extolling their own faith and piety, as they send their innocent scapegoat to a horrible and excruciating death.

As a lifelong churchgoer, I find this participation in the Passion liturgy to be poignant, subversive and profoundly unsettling. It probes my soul at a far deeper level than the standard and well trodden “I-am- Barabbas” way of presenting the gospel. I don’t find it hard to place my individual sins on the shoulders of Jesus, especially those sins that I committed in the distant past and which I have long ago disavowed. It is not costly to imagine the cross as solving an equation that balances out the principles of God’s justice and mercy. Those transactions happen somewhere else, in a spiritualized, abstract realm of theory that has little to do with here and now. It is much harder to accept my part in sending Jesus to the cross in the way portrayed in the four gospels, as part of a community that scapegoats and rejects God who is truly present in the flesh. But that is precisely what every community does.

Some of us imagine that if Jesus were to suddenly show up at church, we would wholeheartedly welcome him. If so, then we are not thinking hard, or we are hardly thinking. The Jesus of the gospels is a man who would sooner or later get kicked out of any Christian community. For example, suppose you had never heard the parable of the sheep and goats (Matthew 25). Imagine Jesus showing up and preaching that story from the pulpit. I can imagine someone from The Gospel Coalition writing an article denouncing that story as carrying a dangerous doctrine of salvation by works. Although I am not particularly fond of TGC, I am using them only as an example; I do not want to single them out, because the Jesus presented in the four gospels says and does things that, if we had not already known of them, would deeply offend any Christian of any denomination or tribe. No matter what church you attend, if Jesus Christ were to show up at your church, I have no doubt that eventually he would be scapegoated and kicked out.

In fact, this is not a hypothetical. Jesus Christ has shown up and your church, and Jesus Christ has been kicked out. In the mystery of the Incarnation, Jesus has made his home among us, living right here in this messy, sinful, creaturely world. Whenever we have met a believer in Christ, we have seen the face of Jesus. Whenever we have encountered someone in need, we have seen the face of Jesus. Whenever we have looked upon any man, woman or child, any person alive who is indelibly stamped with his divine image, we have seen the face of Jesus. We have encountered him again and again and failed to recognize him when he walked among us. We treated him badly because he made us uncomfortable, because he failed to show proper respect for our traditions, because he pointed out our hypocrisy, because he cleansed our temples and smashed our idols and disputed the fanciful stories that our group tells about itself.  It is hard for me to accept that my Christian community, where I dedicated so many years of my life, believing that we were the ones who had gotten the gospel right, is the same community that actually did stand up and shout, “Crucify!” To admit that would be to accept my culpability for the sins of the community, which I really don’t want to do. It’s so much easier to sit back and profess that Jesus died for my sins, but those horrible things that we did together, those things that I imagined were none of my business, they were not my responsibility, because I personally never abused anyone, and because it wasn’t my place to judge anyone, and besides we are better now and don’t do those things anymore…

An Open Letter to Jesus of Nazareth

Holy Thursday Evening 2015

Dear Jesus:

I am writing to let you know that I can no longer support you or your ministry. For a long time, I listened to you because I believed you were a man of God. Your words about God’s kingdom were music to my ears, balm to my wounds, chicken soup for my soul. I loved the way that you made the Scriptures so exciting, and the way you cared for the sick and served the needy. You were always the best speaker at our Bible conferences. Your messages made us laugh and moved our hearts.

But lately you have gone too far, doing things that a true servant of God would never do. When you criticize the teachers of the law, you sound so bitter. What has gotten into you? Your motives must be wrong, because no one with right motives would ever speak that way. Of course, there is some truth in what you say, but you did not say it correctly; you did not have the right tone of voice, so we cannot listen to you. No church is perfect, and our leaders always admit that they are not perfect. You should respect them for their dedication and sacrifice. But you embarrassed them and criticized them in front of young people who should not hear such things because it might damage their faith. You made yourself a bad influence and that bad influence is spreading. You are so young, just 33 years old, and yet you talk and act like you are so wise. If you know better than us how to do ministry, then you should stop criticizing and talking and do something constructive. Go off on your own and build a chapter and when you have raised many mature disciples you can come back and show us how it’s done and of course we will listen to you then. But your criticism of God’s servants now is beyond the pale. If everyone did as you do, all authority would break down and the next generation will lose their identity and become like worldly people.

For me, the last straw was when you entered the Bible house this week and became violent, turning over our tables and shouting “Get out of here!” Who do you think you are? Does that Bible house belong to you? Did you build it? Of course our ministry is not perfect. But there is no excuse for becoming angry and destructive. Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater! Your angry behavior demonstrates that your heart cannot be right with God. You need to go back to the Bible to solve your spiritual problem so that you will no longer be an angry and rebellious and impatient young man but have true wisdom and joy in your heart.

You have exceeded your position and broken spiritual order. Whatever happens to you, you should accept it as God’s discipline and training. I will pray for you. Please remember all the good things that God’s servants have done and all the people who have been blessed by their ministry and stop tearing down the community that God has built up.  Don’t tell lies or spread false rumors about anyone. Give thanks to God always so that no bitter root takes hold in your heart. Many of us still love you and we remember your hard work and service to the Lord.

I seal this letter with a holy kiss.

“What did Jesus really mean when He said, ‘Follow Me?’”

This pamphlet has three parts:

Part I. The great invitation (Mt 4:19; Mk 1:17).

Part II. The great cost (Lk 9:23).

Part III. The great change (Mt 28:19).

Repent, deny yourself, make disciples. Without going into detail, Platt explains in Part 1 that every person’s fundamental problem is sin and that we need to repent of our sins (Mk 1:15). In Part 2 he explains our need to realize that the great cost required in following Jesus is to deny ourselves and to give of ourselves entirely to Jesus (Mt 16:24-25; Mk 8:34-35). Finally in Part 3, he states that if one is truly following Jesus he will invest his life for making disciples (Mt 28:19). Platt’s point is to speak against being nominal Christians (which is not following Jesus), and instead be a “radical” Christian who is completely sold out for Christ. This in essence is what Platt says Jesus expects of any Christian who responds to his command, “Follow me.”

Formulaic? I do not disagree with any of Platt’s main points, for I am very much pro-repentance, pro-self-denial, pro-all in for Christ, and pro-making disciples. But I do not like the way he answered this very important and fundamental question of what it means to follow Jesus. (Platt also wrote a 246 page book with the title “Follow Me: A Call to Die, A Call to Live,” which I did not read.) Perhaps, a decade ago I would have fully embraced his answers with a high five. Perhaps it might still be a good primer for new believers and a challenge to “nominal Christians.” But today I find this rather unsatisfying or formulaic, if not a turn off. Let me try to explain why.

(1) The focus and emphasis is on YOUR PROBLEM–SIN–rather than on God’s mercy, love, grace and forgiveness. Basically, “your problem is sin and you must repent…or else…”

(2) Thus, the focus is on what is wrong and bad and sinful and horrible (YOU) rather than what is right and good and holy and wonderful (God).

(3) It primarily addresses and emphasizes what you must do (repent, deny yourself, make disciples) rather than on what Jesus has done for us through his incarnation, condescension, suffering, crucifixion, death, resurrection and ascension.

(4) While there is mention and affirmation of it, yet there does not seem to be any great proclamation or excitement regarding God’s goodness, grace and generosity, nor is there any awe and expression of how truly majestic, magnanimous, marvelous and mysterious our God is.

(5) In my opinion, such a presentation of what it means to follow Jesus makes Christians rather judgmental and critical of others (perhaps without realizing it), rather than on being loving, gracious, generous and ever forgiving and patient Christians like our God.

Judgmental Christians. I think that when following Jesus is articulated, expressed and communicated in such ways, it may be little wonder why Christians often come across as being judgmental, intolerant, angry and impatient toward those who sin (which is basically everybody …. except themselves!). We are judgmental of those who, in our opinion, do not repent, deny themselves, or are not making disciples. Some Christians even come across as being constipated and intolerant of anyone who is not a Christian like themselves; they are rather ungracious and condescending toward “other Christians” who are not living like them, making disciples like them, marrying like them, dressing like them, behaving like them, preaching like them, etc. It is for these reasons (and more) that I dislike the above answers as to what it means to follow Jesus. Perhaps, Platt does a more wholesome and comprehensive job in his book.

David Platt may be a wonderful Christian, pastor and preacher. I heard David Platt preach on missions from Revelation 5 a few years ago at a Gospel Coalition conference. He is gifted and passionate with much heartfelt unction. I loved his sermon and preaching. So this is not a criticism of Platt as a person, preacher or pastor, but simply of his pamphlet.

What does it mean to follow Jesus? I am sorry that I did not answer this question myself, but only critiqued the way Platt answered it.

Do you agree or disagree with my reasons regarding Platt’s answers to what it means to follow Jesus? Do such answers appeal to non-Christians? Christians? Are such answers good, satisfactory and adequate?

The darkness of UBF is overwhelming. Secrets hide behind nearly every smiling face that offers you so much as a plate of bulgoki. Growing up, every Sunday I went to CBF at the “center.” Even as I child, I always felt like there was something off about UBF people. I never quite felt like I was at home, or that this was my family.

Upon leaving UBF at age 8 with my family, we went to an unnamed evangelical church in the area. It was there that I entered life and finally learned to be a normal human being. For the first time in my young life, I felt like I could fit in with the other boys, the other children, and I learned about God, who Jesus was, and accepted him into my heart as my Lord and savior.

When I went home and told my Dad about how I had accepted Jesus into my heart as my Lord and Savior, I remember him telling me that they were watering down the truth of God and that what I had experienced and been taught by the nice people at this church wasn’t true. That all I needed to do was believe that Jesus died on the cross of my sins. He told me that I was already more spiritually mature than the other kids at this church because of my time in UBF.

As a little boy, I was crushed, because I felt like I had experienced something good at this new church, and yet my Dad rebuked me for it. Apparently, you can take the shepherd out of UBF, but you can’t take the UBF out of the shepherd.

When I was 12, my Father convinced our family to go back to UBF, because it had “changed.” Looking back now, if what I experience during my teen years was a redeemed version of UBF, I am frightened about what went on before it was reformed. I was prohibited to date, or to even so much as look at a girl. My entire sexual and romantic being was squashed and treated as something to be despised, something evil. Along with this went my self-esteem and sense of self. I am emotionally scarred from this sole experience and to this day am not comfortable with anything relating to romantic relationships or sexuality in general.

We were taught lies. It was demanding of us by our parents and youth leaders that we write and share testimonies every week and there would be guilt and shame delivered unto us if we did not participate. I was made to feel as if the gospel were all about doing random specific things like writing testimonies, studying the bible in a weird specific way, and doing daily bread, etc. When in reality, the gospel is not about what we have to do, but about what Jesus has done for us already on the cross of Calvary

If I had known the history of UBF, that people were subjected to emotionally, physically, and spiritually abusive practices throughout the years, I would have never agreed to go back with my family when I was 12 years old. I was lied to, I was deceived. I was told that things had changed, but the truth is “once a cult, always a cult.” A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.

Until UBF leaders fully renounce and repent of every destructive practice and illegal action that has ever been been committed by UBF members, it was always be a cult, no matter how much things have changed. End of Story.

What I have shared is just the tip of the iceberg as far as things that I have experienced and seen within UBF. I plan on going into more detail in subsequent postings.

Unfortunately I must remain anonymous in order to protect myself, but if you are a second gen who has had a similar traumatic experience, feel free to email me.

Secondgensurvivors @ gmail.com

Proverbs 29:18a says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” I grew up in Malaysia, with no vision. But when I was 17, someone said, “You can enter medical school.” A vision was planted, and without ever having considered it before, I applied and entered medical school within a few months. Five years later I became a doctor.

During my medical internship in Singapore, while taking a shower, a fellow intern said, “I’m going to apply to go to the U.S.” Another vision was planted, and I immediately decided to come to the U.S., despite objections from family and friends and many difficulties. By God’s providence, I came to Chicago in 1980.

After coming to Chicago UBF, Dr. Samuel Lee began shepherding me. Those of you who know me know that I am stubborn, forceful, opinionated and highly infuriating. But through Dr. Lee, God planted a vision in me that even an unlikely person like me can shepherd American students and raise 120 disciples. Dr. Lee’s vision was unforgettable. Dr. Lee always communicated to me that I was great. But whenever he did I trembled, saying to myself, “If only you knew how sinful I am!” But he never deviated in always communicating to me unconditional love, trust and respect, despite my countless flaws, failures and sins for over 2 decades. In this way, God used him to plant the fear of God in me. In this way, God burned a fire within me to raise disciples of Christ all my life no matter what. Only by God’s mercy and the vision of Dr. Lee, God blessed my house church to establish pioneering house churches in the U.S. and to pioneer 1 nation, the Philippines.

When Dr. Lee passed away in 2002, I began praying for my own kids and for our 2nd gens. I felt a disconnection between us because there were generational barriers and cultural barriers. So, our 2nd gens subliminally thought of UBF as “my parent’s church.” But God granted me a vision that they are the best kids in the world, because they have 2 great attributes: 1) they honor the Bible as the word of God, and 2) they want to live a moral life. Then with the prayers and tears of countless UBF parents, God blessed our Young Disciples ministry over the last 5 years until 200 attendants came to our YD winter retreats in recent years.

What is my vision for our West Loop UBF? My vision is borrowed from Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee’s vision was to love and raise American leaders. According to his faith and vision, God raised so many great Americans, beginning with P. Ron, Dr. Jim Rabchuk, Dr. Joe Schafer, P. Teddy, Dr. Helen Rarick, Dr. Sam A. Lee and countless others. Similarly, God put in me a desire to support young leaders, so that God may raise them to be great servants of God. By God’s leading, God has granted us a handful of already great men and women of God for West Loop UBF. (Rhoel, Henry, Tim, Jim, Arthur, Len and Ruben. Their wives: Elena, Susan, Angie, Jenny, M. Helen, Liliana, Tif. We also have Michelle, Damon Mui, Oscar, Dindo, Iris.) Because of each of them, who are all far greater and better than I, I stand in awe of God. Because of them, and the prayers of many, and by the great mercy of God I see the vision that God will make us the best UBF chapter in the 21st century, by catching up to Triton, UIUC, LP, West LA, IIT, and Chicago UBF, to whom I am forever indebted.

I feel funny reading what I wrote just over six years ago, and the way I wrote it. Feel free to feel confused, confounded, or to cringe, cower, comment, compliment (perhaps!) or critique.

I felt so loved at UBF when I talked to or interacted with almost anyone other than my local Pastor.

You had a problem with me and so you made everyone angry at me

I could not talk to you about my problems

you would just get mad and not listen

so I did not talk to you

I could talk to anyone else in the Church

but not the Pastor

And then one day I had to leave because I did not agree with someone spiritually older than you. I suppose it was because I interpreted the Bible about a single passage. They told me I could not disrespect my elders.

I think I know why you would not listen

because you think the older never has to listen to the younger

that is why there is more hope for a fool than you

because you are wiser in your own eyes than everyone younger than you

I wish you had more hope than a fool

I wish we could be friends

I loved my UBF

I felt loved by everyone but the Pastor

Then he told them I must be fixed

But fixing me made me worse

because my Pastor broke me

He taught those below him we should not date

but pray to God

that God will send the right person

I prayed to God and thought I found someone

I did not date like he said

I followed the directions the way I thought he meant

But he did not mean what he said

There was secret knowledge reserved for the elite which I was not yet privy to, because I was not old enough. He really meant UBF has a system by which other people will find you a spouse. If I was told that in the beginning I could have obeyed but I was not considered old enough to know. But how could I have known if you did not tell me?

I obeyed what I was told

I was punished with brokenness

because I did not obey the secret rule

I was not told

because I was not old enough

So really Pastor it is not my fault that our chapter of UBF is at risk of being shut down. It is yours because you have the key to the esoteric knowledge of God’s will and you will not share it with those younger than you. You think they are too young to understand, they are too young to understand what they are not told. But you are too old to understand what you were told not old and senile but proud that you are older than everyone else so you will not listen.

If you just told them how people really get married they would not be angry at you for not telling them until it is too late. If UBF put it on their own website people would not have to read it on slanderous websites. There would be nothing slanderous about it because you would not have deceived them. A man cannot be guilty of the crime of hiding evidence when he put the evidence on the Church website for all to see.

I do not think most ex-members are angry that you arrange marriages so much as that you hide that you arrange marriages and promote it as the only way to please God best. Do not be a lamp hidden in a basket to block the light for if the light that is in you is darkness how dark will that darkness be?

When you will not share your light with the flock because you do not want them to know your secret rules the light that should come out of you is like darkness hidden within you and how dark is that darkness.

Put on the UBF website that you believe in practicing arranged marriage or matchmaking or whatever you want to call it but do not call it marriage by faith without explaining what that really means. If you don’t do this, Pastor it will be your fault when the Church doors are closed because you are spiritually too old to listen to the flock and they are too spiritually young to be told the truth about what you really mean.

People are not kicking Muslims off campus for forbidding dating they say openly it is “against our religion”. But when you keep your rules secret to the young so that the young cannot obey them, when the young have broken hearts because you broke their spirit, they ask a stronger man to break down your Church doors.

I want to cry

because I can see the flock no more

because the Pastor said I was bad

But now I want to cry even more

because the Pastor broke the pen

and scattered the sheep abroad

to be eaten by ravenous wolves

I never asked the University to ban UBF. But people are asking because you do not tell the truth. And there I was loved and felt loved except by you Pastor and I am sad that not only do I lose access to the flock but now they are harmed more because you have banned them from campus against my will.

The closing testimonies at Campus night last Friday were given by Moses Noah, Jim Rabchuk, and Ron Ward. The title on the program was “Campus mission, my family, and my profession.” The slide presented was the above. I was slightly irritated by this slide, since it ignored family and excluded any mention of Christ. And that was also their point.

Moses Noah gave his testimony about how he had been married and sent to pioneer Atlanta by Samuel Lee in about a month. He said as a recently married graduate student who was committed to pioneering he rarely had time for his wife. Later he shared that he struggled as a professional, trying to juggle a family, a ministry, and a demanding job. Because of his commitment to give everything to God and his mission, he failed to give adequate time for his wife. He said that in the last few years he read Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage and learned from Ephesians 5 that married couples present their spouses to the Lord. He said “She is my life long project.” And how after 16 years of marriage they had went on a honey moon to Hawaii with their children where they had wedding photos taken. He said that he had been growing as a husband. He never realized how unkind he had been to his own wife and it grieved him greatly looking back. Additionally he shared that God had been so great to him in profession. He nearly lost his job due to his lack of grants, but suddenly God helped him to gain more grants than he could have asked for.

Jim Rabchuk gave the second testimony. He said he had three main goals in his life. His first goal was to be a missionary to Russia. He said he went to Russia shortly after the end of the Cold War and somehow ended up with a wife. I had heard this story from Mark Yang’s book on Discipleship. But in that version of the story all the blame rested on the woman. Here Dr. Rabchuk says he was not ready to marry and did so hastily on the basis of her appearance (although he used the term “seduced”). He said after 4 years his marriage fell apart along with the dream to be a Russian missionary. He went on to describe that his second goal in his life had been to form a large fellowship in Macomb. I have visited Macomb three times in my life, for IMEA competition. When I asked my mother where all the life went I remember her saying “This is Macomb. No man’s land.” He said he watched as pretty much everyone left his ministry. He learned that his dream would not become a reality, and he had to humble himself. His last goal was to be a part of UBF leadership. He said this presented an enormous strain on his family. He said that one Thanksgiving in the middle of dinner he left for a conference. For readers who are not from the states, in America you are more or less required and expected to see your family on Thanksgiving and at Christmas. Failure to do either can result in extreme breakdown of relations. This aspect of the story is telling. It means he was risking huge conflicts with his family, or his family had long since became jaded and just expected that kind of treatment. After leaving he realized he didn’t have enough money in gas to get to the leadership conference. As he said “I began thinking of many ‘by faith ways’ I could come up with the money. But then I realized that at that moment the most important thing in the universe to me was getting to that conference, and I had left my family to do so.” He said that he returned home so that he could finish dinner with his family. He had been working on making do with what God has given him. His testimony was inspiring to me because it did not ring of false humility but of honest to God truthfulness. It is hard to convey this through an article but you could hear the pain in his voice. He went so far as to state “I turned UBF into an idol.” These sentiments that family something to be taken with world mission, and not at its expense are in contrast to what was written in 2007 about family
“Another challenge is the American dream to live a family-centered life, with no mission from God.“- Kevin Albright, Founders Day report

The last speaker was Ron Ward. I met Ron Ward last year when I attended Ben West’s wedding. I remember telling him that at my wedding I wanted to give people silly string and air horns. He said “That would certainly be interesting.” I was so blessed to hear Ron Ward speak. His smooth voice was like a river chocolate. I thought I was going to be taken away by his baby soft voice. He said that current college students want a real message. In the postmodern world the message is increasingly relative and because of the concreteness of the gospel we have a real chance to reach students. But, he added

“We should be deeply concerned with the actions of our leaders. When we are unkind to each other, students won’t take us seriously. Of course we don’t see violence. I don’t see people fist fight. Instead it’s a kind of cold war- gossiping and thinking ‘this is my sheep, don’t come near my sheep’…we cannot expect them to remain in that environment. They should not remain in that environment.”

Honestly I don’t recall the most of the rest of what he said. When I came back several minutes later he was saying “Jesus is saying ‘They are dying. My children are dying you have to help them.’” But I was so stunned by the previous comment and how unbelievable that sounded to me. It is unbelievable because it seemed directed not at students, but at leaders. That is more or less a compete summary of Campus Night.

A few other things of interest
I caught up to a few different people about the recent open letter to the president of UBF. Nobody had heard of it. But when I briefly explained the letter I was told that the voting is different this time around. This time two people are put on a ballot and a simple majority is required, then they are confirmed with a 2/3 vote. I was told that Dr. Abraham T. Kim did not want to run, but was going to anyways. At the Sunday worship service this was also made clear. There is also works to create a membership category and class. This was taking a longer amount of time than usual for various reasons. In speaking about sexual misconduct and abuse I was told that pastors and missionaries are obligated to call the police.

I experienced a lot of other amazing things and caught up to a lot of great people. I enjoyed my time and hope to visit some other time again. I had one of the best bible studies I have ever had with Dr. Augustine Suh, which I hope to write about soon.

The Work of Satan?

In a recent message also posted publicly, a ubf missionary mentions the situation in Mexico as the work of Satan. Here are the more detailed prayer topics:

First, God blessed M. Timothy and Hannah so far looking at their beautiful lives of sacrifice for the work in Mexico.

Second, what is happening now came from Satan for his hatred towards all believers and to attack the Conference in Mexico in April 2-5.

Third, I was very surprised to see M. Timothy’s faith which is as strong as Job’s, and M. Hannah is so different from Job’s wife. She was calm and always praying despite the difficult situation. I saw that they believe in God as their living redeemer.

Fourth, I could trust that the living Lord, our redeemer will end these problems very soon and that he will make them even more prosper in his belongings and also in their children– this doesn’t mean they will have two more children, they are no longer in an age to have more children, but God can give them more children in some other way: by giving children to M. John and M. Goh Eun, and in the case of Hannah Jr, by giving her a good husband for her house church and many spiritual children).

http://www.ubf.org/world-mission-news/latin-america/sunday-worship-message-jose-ahn-delivered-guadalajara-ubf

The Rest of the Story

The message above says this: “Now all of the coworkers in Mexico and other countries know how difficult times M. Timothy is going through.” I can’t help but wonder this: Do they? Do they really know the seriousness of what is happening? Is this really Satan’s work? Or might this be a work of God calling our ubfriends out of silence and to do the right things? If no crimes were committed, why not just come clean and share what is going on? If we are going to pray, shouldn’t we know a bit more about the situation?

The internet has numerous copies of this story, and there is an ongoing investigation into what the ubf missionaries were doing in their sock/garment business. Here is a small sampling of the stories being reported in the news media.

Mexico rescues 129 workers ‘abused’ by S.Korean firm

“Authorities raided the company in the town of Zapopan on Wednesday after receiving an anonymous tip, INM coordinator Ardelio Vargas Fosado told reporters, describing the South Koreans as a “gang of suspected human traffickers.”

Officials rescued 121 women and eight men, including six minors who were 16 and 17 years old.

The workers told prosecutors that they were “victims of physical and sexual abuse, as well as threats, psychological harm and grueling work days,” Vargas Fosado said.

The four South Koreans could not prove whether they legally lived in Mexico. The South Korean consulate was notified to provide assistance to the suspects, officials said.

Workers at Yes International, a company run by South Koreans, watch as Mexican police conduct a raid … Jalisco’s chief prosecutor, Luis Carlos Najera, said authorities are investigating whether child abuse and sexual crimes were committed.

The employees toiled in “unsanitary” conditions, with pollutants in their place of work, and the material they handled posed a fire hazard while the company had no fire safety equipment, said Victor Manuel Torres Moreno, a labor ministry official.”

http://news.yahoo.com/mexico-rescues-129-workers-abused-korean-firm-212651990.html

Korean company denies accusations

“Last week, Attorney General Luis Carlos Najera, revealed that some people who were “rescued” were under psychological treatment, since they had developed the “Stockholm Syndrome”; ie they had achieved affinity occupationally who presumably abused them.”

(translation to English link to this story)

Workers want factory reopened in Zapopan

“The company issued a statement this week to deny the charges against it. President Nak Bong Rhee Choi said the accusations were unfounded, although he admitted there had been a labor investigation but the firm was collaborating with authorities. It had committed no crimes, he said.”

http://mexiconewsdaily.com/news/workers-want-factory-reopened-zapopan/

http://www.upworthy.com/a-customer-walked-into-his-pizza-shop-and-changed-philadelphia-with-1-and-a-single-post-it-note

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/10/people-hear-for-first-time-video_n_6646594.html

One was about a man who left his job on wall street to open a pizza shop for $1 a slice.  One customer came in and wanted to buy a slice for anyone who might need help.  So the owner put a post-it on the wall, and the idea spread.  Those who benefitted from this kindness later found jobs and came in to donate a slice of pizza for another person who might come in hungry.

The next video is about technology helping people hear for the first time and seeing their reactions.  If this doesn’t make you cry, I don’t know what will.

For me, this sums up why I decided to give my life to God in UBF.  I always wanted to do something meaningful with my life.  When my heart was forever changed after meeting Jesus through Bible study in UBF, it was obvious where my commitment and devotion should be.

I was born as a child of UBF missionaries, so it may look like a natural default for me to be here.   But I will attest that no child can become a committed member by default.  Children growing up in religion experience a lot of downsides of organized religion.  For me, it was tedious and unreasonable at times, but I felt that people were sincere and that it was good to be devoted to God.  I heard testimonies of changed lives and respected God’s work in them.  I saw my parents making friends with college students, opening our house to them, cooking for them, providing room and board and entertainment, and I respected, even admired them for it.

But there seemed to be no upward trend.  I wanted all the Bible students who had made friends with me to stay and keep growing like a big family, but it wasn’t always possible, and it hurt to see them go, no matter how friendly it was.  But when news of a bitter and angry separation struck, it was almost too hard to bear.  I could not imagine myself following in my parent’s footsteps because it was all too obvious that it was a big waste of time.  I saw the end before I even started.  Even worse, I couldn’t even start because I knew what to say and how to answer the questions.  There was no way I could imagine having the same life-changing experience in Jesus that I had heard so many times from other testimonies.

Eventually, God helped me to be born again as his child and unexpectedly, my life was changed forever.  I heard God’s calling to serve him on American campuses through UBF.

When I watched these two videos recently, I was reminded why I decided to commit myself fully to God in the first place.  The first video was about following your dream to do good for others.  Even though it requires an initial sacrifice you persevere with the hope that the love you show others will not be in vain.  One day, that person will show love the way they were loved and everyone can rejoice together.   It’s living selflessly to pay it forward through another life or even another generation.

The second video reminded me that I decided to give my life to share the gospel so that people could see God’s grace and hear God’s voice of love for the first time.  To use my time and talents to this end would not be easy, but it would be worth it to celebrate together at the end.

But as I grew older, I realized that people were not rejoicing together.  People were showing favor for a while, and then applying the pressure.  When a person could not handle it anymore, or accept the vision for themselves, they would leave, sometimes quietly, and sometimes not so quietly.  More fundamentally, people in the same chapter could not respect each other and get along.  And families who had sincerely accepted the same vision and decided to join in the struggle together were leaving, angry, broken and hurt.  Whatever the reason, I believe that this is not the end that God wants for us.  We emphasize the importance of one person before God.  If one person who joins is important, than one person who leaves should make us stop and examine ourselves to make sure we are right before God.

At the root of it, it’s painful to realize that the road we started on has more failures than successes, more hurt than love.  It’s painful to realize that people that we trusted are susceptible to the same sins and temptations as everyone else.  But if we are confident that we are right before God, that God is leading us, and the end will outweigh all the trouble, we can persevere.  It’s just that I think we are losing that confidence.

For the past 15 years, I have focused on building my own relationship with God, denying myself, not blaming others, giving thanks, accepting God’s sovereignty, and doing my best before God.  Wherever I could be helpful, I tried to help and serve.  Whenever I saw a need, I did my best to show God’s love.  In every trial and difficulty, I accepted it as God’s love and discipline, overcoming bitterness and hurt and thanking God for his love for me.  But the biggest breakthrough came when I learned to be honest about my real thoughts, desires and heart before God at every stage of my life.

There’s a tendency to portray the initial conversion as the answer to all life’s problems and then it’s happily ever after.  But no matter how wonderful it was to be born again into God’s kingdom through the blood of Jesus, and no matter how much that change spurred me into action for Jesus, I realized that one defining moment cannot last an entire lifetime.

A person may initially experience victory over some sin or over some area in their life, but if the root is deep, it will resurface again.  We continually face new challenges and new problems as we enter different stages of life.  What worked for me before will not work again in another situation.  What worked for me in the past will not work for another person.  Every moment, every person, has to be prayerfully guided and led by God’s own hand.  There is no magic formula. We need to be able to examine ourselves honestly before God and find individual answers from God’s words.  We also need examples from our seniors and from our community to learn how they are struggling with new issues in their lives, and how they are bringing them to God to find the answers.  We need people who can hold us up and wait patiently while we work through our issues.

Hiding the problem is not the answer.  Bringing them to the light of God’s love and grace is the way to find personal healing, set a good example, and restore the community.  It may be painful, it may be messy.  But when this happens, no one has to feel embarrassed or say, “Don’t read ubfriends.”   We can be open and honest and point to how our leaders are also making honest efforts.  I can follow their example and also continue with God’s calling in my life in clear conscience before God.

Practically, an independent advisory consisting of neutral people who we trust and who respect our ministry, can be a good place to start.  We should first try to resolve problems among ourselves, but when we cannot, both sides can give their story to an objective third party.  Alternatively, a board from a neighboring chapter with both Koreans and natives can serve as an objective third party and listen to both sides.  We can have new respect for each other and show kindness and even love.

I also wonder about the need for a general director.  Every country has its own flavor and should be allowed to develop independently and creatively.  Presently, UBF USA is hindered from addressing concerns of Americans because other directors from another country are afraid that the original spirit of UBF will be distorted.  Also, since Chicago is the International Headquarters for UBF, there are more eyes on Chicago leaders.  I believe Abraham T. Kim is caught between a rock and a hard place.  But if Chicago was no longer international headquarters but just another chapter, or headquarters only for North America, there might be greater flexibility.  At the most, I only see the need of continental directors, who oversee the spiritual needs of their continent, who meet together to discuss international matters, and participate in retreats for their own spiritual needs.

Jack Frost’s Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship might also address the heart of our interpersonal relationship problems, not just Korean and American but also Korean-Korean, American-American, and all over the world.  Our self-reliance, insecurity, sense of duty, rivalry, accusations, etc. may be stemming from the possibility that we have not fully embraced our identity as God’s sons and daughters and still remain as orphans without a real father or home.

Thursday

I arrived late Thursday and had a very long talk with one of the students from the Hyde Park chapter. He asked how things had been. Honestly the messages in my chapter have greatly changed in the last year. I really see that God has worked on my pastor. He no longer adds world mission into places where I do not feel it is obvious. Our relationship is better these days, and he understands that our relationship is very different. I try to understand him more, and I try to communicate more with him. The student was glad to hear. We talked a lot and I got to sleep very late. I had requested to have bible study with the chapter leader the next morning so I was very tired by the time I awoke. He asked me to read the book of Ephesians and give a brief outline.

Friday

I brought my outline to the bible study. I outlined the book as such:

• Blessings of the Spirit
• Who Christ is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
• Who Paul is and his role in God’s redemptive plan.
What the Church is and its role in God’s redemptive plan.
• How the church ought to act to carry out that plan and how its members should act to help carry out that plan.
• A call to persevere against Satan.

He showed me his outline which was much more detailed. We talked about how the church should proclaim the kingdom. And he taught me how the church should shepherd God’s people, but the context of John 10 needed to be carefully understood. He said that UBF has been given shepherds. I mentioned that while the sacrificial nature of UBF shepherds and their great love for their students was its strength sometimes it was had been over stepped. He corrected me “Many times.” He mentioned that shepherds proclaim the kingdom. It was a very good bible study. Later that day I went to campus night.

Campus Night

People were totally bewildered to see me. I think in large part because I was unaccompanied by my “shepherd”. I suppose it is also surprising to see someone travel such a long way when they are really obligated in any way. It didn’t escape my notice that Yvonne Lee stared for a long time. I eventually moved to the back and when I saw Dr. Augustine he was shocked to see me.

Later Dr. John Lee from Springfield joined. The first speaker was Jacob Lee. I remember he was funny. At one point he said “I was not good enough to called Abraham so they named me Jacob which means deceiver. But I came to like the name since he had 12 sons.” I was put off by his talk. The powerpoint read “Why UBF should remain in world mission.” I didn’t believe this was a point of debate, and furthermore his answer amounted to- because UBF always has. Just because something has always been done one way does not mean it has to. But eventually he made his point. He presented from Stephan Lutz book calling campus mission strategic. I won’t go into details but he gives an outline from that book.

Mark V was the next speaker. His talk was on the history of campus mission movements. Mark V spoke incredibly fast. I was having a hard time keeping up with him. He also had a pained look on his face. I later found out he was in extreme back pain, and I suspect he was trying to get through it as fast as possible. What really struck me about his presentation was that campus mission movements grew out of YMCAs and the student volunteer movement in the mid 19th century. That explains a lot. American imperialism and a drive to evangelize the world have often went hand in hand (along with all their problems too). And here we see it.

It was remarkable how so many of the ideas of the founders of the campus movement are so similar to the ideas that Samuel Lee would later speak of. Hearing these ideas from someone who doesn’t have the history of Samuel Lee gave them more of an air of legitimacy. The frequent quotes from the founders of the student volunteer movement and its role as a parachurch were very helpful for me to understand the core foundational ideas behind UBF and its relation to Christian doctrine and why at times this has been a weak point in campus mission movements.

Kevin Albright went on to give a survey of Intervarsity. He mentioned that they do a lot of the same things as UBF. They do inductive bible study for instance. He also mentioned that many people in their organization were not encouraged at times, and the author of the book he read on Intervarsity regrets that they were not given more help. One thing he mentioned that struck me was that Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) was more for new converts and Intervarsity was more for discipleship.

Here he meant “discipleship” as “become a more mature Christian”. But for me I have always understood discipleship as growing in Christ in whatever capacity the Holy Spirit moved you. For me I have been taught that a Christian is a disciple and a disciple is a Christian (Acts 11:26, Ephesians 2:19-22). So for me telling me someone is not a disciple is the same as saying they are not Christian. But one can be a Christian and not mature. Although it is dangerous to judge or label, a goal of maturing Christians is a noble one at the very least (this makes no mention of the methods however). To call UBF a “discipleship ministry” has always been redundant to me.

In the next article I will talk about the last few speakers. I was more than a little surprised (and inspired) by their testimonies. I also caught up to someone on Joe Schafer’s recent letter, so I will include that next time too.

For example, I grew up Catholic. Why did we feel like priests were on a pedestal? What if we noticed and realized then that a child somewhere had been molested? Probably we could have exposed the problem and helped avoid countless other children being molested. Probably countless donations would not have later been lost in lawsuits.

My dad was a plumber so I learned about water heaters and such growing up. The gas company these days has a zero tolerance policy for leaks. If you report a leak, or a periodic inspection detects one, the line will be shut off until repaired. The repairs will need to be done by you if inside your house or the gas company if outside your house. But it wasn’t always so. Over the years I had occasionally heard in the news about a house somewhere that blew up from an unrepaired leak.

What about UBF “works” and glory-seeking mentality? To be fair, what about some other denomination’s health and wealth mentality? If reform efforts had been accepted in 1976 or 1989 or 2001, how many troubles and travesties could have been avoided? Is it not the “perfect social and emotional storm” when sincere young people, who are searching for meaning and purpose in life, encounter the extremes of religion? Some are drowned in a sea of anxiety or despair. Others float a while but lose confidence and direction, thereby succumbing to worldly problems. Lucky few overcome to search and be set free by the Holy Spirit of Life.

Decades ago probably was not too early. Decades more is certainly unjustifiable, if not intolerable. NOW is here behooving us to make the most of it.

Can we afford socially, emotionally, intellectually, physically and spiritually, not to act today? Today is the day.

For the Church

Gracious Father, we pray for the holy Catholic Church. Fill it with with all truth, in all truth with all peace. Where it is corrupt, purify it; where it is in error, direct it; where in any thing it is amiss, reform it. Where it is right, strengthen it.; where it is in want, provide for it; where it is divided, reunite it, for the sake of Jesus Christ your Son our Savior. Amen.

For Our Enemies

O God, the Father of all, whose Son commanded us to love our enemies: Lead them and us from prejudice to truth; deliver them and us from hatred, cruelty and revenge; and in your good time enable us all to stand reconciled before you, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

For the Unity of the Church

O God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, our only Savior, the Prince of Peace: Give us grace seriously to lay to heart the great dangers we are in by our unhappy divisions; take away all hatred and prejudice, and whatever else may hinder us from godly union and concord; that, as there is one Body and one Spirit, one hope of our calling, one Lord, one Faith, one Baptism, one God and Father of us all, so we may all be of one heart and of one soul, united in one holy bond of truth and peace, of faith and charity, and may with one mind and one mouth glorify you, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

And here is one more from The Paraclete Psalter:

Eternal and omnipotent God,

you have called us to be members of one body.

Join us with those who in all times and places have praised your name,

that with one heart and mind, we may show the unity of your church,

and bring honor to our Lord and Savior.

We ask this through the same Jesus Christ, your Son,

who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,

one God, forever and ever. Amen.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Augustine Sohn, President of University Bible Fellowship, from Joseph L. Schafer, dated March 2, 2015.

Dear Augustine:

Thank you for contacting me yesterday about my status in University Bible Fellowship.

For approximately two years now, the only messages I have received from your organization were requests to attend various meetings and reminders to submit annual chapter reports. I decided to ignore those requests because, for more than five years now, leaders of UBF have been unresponsive to my repeated pleas for dialogue about important matters that affect the health of the organization and the credibility of its gospel witness. My nonresponse was not retaliation. It was an indication that I had no clue how to proceed in our relationship, because my pleas went unheeded and sometimes were not even acknowledged. Perhaps you have heard the humorous saying: “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot that I only exist when you need something.” I am sorry to say this, but that line accurately conveys my feelings toward UBF and its leaders right now.

By your message, I am once again being asked for something that UBF needs to continue its work, and nothing is being offered to me in return. We cannot continue in this fashion. The time has come to define our relationship.

You asked me to answer two questions:

1. Do you still regard yourself a member of UBF and an International Advisory Member?

2. If so, would you like to participate in voting for the next General Director?

Before I am able to answer these questions, I need you to clarify what you are asking, and I need to know the organization’s stance on several important matters. Therefore I now ask you, in your capacity as President, to answer four questions in an honest and straightforward manner. These answers may be as brief or as long as you wish, but I need to receive them in a timely fashion.

This letter to you is an open letter. I am publishing it on a public website, because I want it to be part of the public record. Many others been asking similar questions, and your answers will be of great interest to them. To promote honesty, openness and transparency, I will accept your response as an official statement by UBF and it will become part of the public record. As soon as I receive it, I will publish it in full, without editing, on the same public website.

The meaning of a question depends heavily on its context. For each of my four questions, I will explain the context so that you will know precisely what I mean.

Context for Question 1. Augustine, you asked if I regard myself as a member of UBF. The organization has a body called Members, a group of approximately 70 persons who meet annually in Chicago. I declined invitations to join that group, so I have never been a Member of UBF in that sense, and I assume you already know that. In my 30+ years of interacting with the organization, I never applied for membership or signed a membership pledge. In most organizations, the meaning of membership is explicit. It is a social contract between the individual and the group in which the person pledges to abide by certain rules and perform certain duties (for example, by paying annual dues). In return, the organization’s leaders grant him rights of membership, providing him with meaningful resources and services, representing his interests and becoming responsive to his concerns. Augustine, because you used the term member, you must have in mind some category of person or some condition of good standing with respect to the organization. I am not being coy when I say, I honestly do not know what you mean by member.

Question 1: What does it mean to be a member of UBF? If there is such a thing as being a member, please explain the duties, responsibilities, and rules of conduct expected of members, and describe what the organization and its leaders provide in return. Also explain whether leaders are obligated to make good-faith efforts to respond to members’ serious concerns in a timely fashion.

Context for Question 2. Before someone can rationally decide whether or not to join an organization, he needs to know whether the organization’s interests align with his own.  This requires the organization to state its positions on important matters within its spheres of activity. UBF presents itself as an organization dedicated to making disciples of Jesus, so the methods by which it teaches and trains disciples should be clarified. When I first became involved in UBF more that thirty years ago, I experienced the leadership of the late Samuel Lee, the organization’s founder and General Secretary. Lee was described as an exemplary disciplemaker, a role model for others to follow, and his influence on organizational culture was profound. Here are some of Lee’s activities that I observed firsthand or heard about through the testimony of credible witnesses.

• Lee reserved the right to change the name of anyone at any time. He reserved the right to name your children.
• Lee reserved the right to tell you to quit your job at a moment’s notice.
• Lee reserved the right to tell you at any time to change your clothing or hairstyle.
• No one could marry without his specific approval. He chose whom you could marry, and the wedding would be at a time and place of his choosing.
• In some cases, the length of time between when Lee introduced people to each other and the actual wedding was less than one week.
• When Lee married couples, he made up the wedding vows himself, frequently inserting promises that had nothing to do with marriage (e.g. promises by the couple that they would to go as missionaries to Russia). These vows were not agreed upon by the couple ahead of time.
• If you turned down a marriage candidate that Lee chose for you, you could be severely rebuked and trained for it.
• No one could miss a Monday night meeting or a Friday night meeting or Sunday worship service. If you missed a meeting without what Lee considered to be a valid excuse, you would get rebuked and trained.
• Lee would impose quotas on fellowship leaders to bring a certain number of people to weekly services and to conferences. Those who failed to do so would be shamed or punished in various ways.
• If Lee thought you did not offer enough money at the annual Christmas worship service, he might rebuke you in front of everyone.
• Sometimes Lee told missionaries and shepherds whose families were well off to ask their parents to give large sums of money to the organization.
• When Lee denounced or rebuked people, he often did so harshly, without warning, standing before the congregation. During these denunciations, some of the things that Lee said had little or no basis in fact.
• No one in Chicago who was considered a shepherd or missionary could travel outside the Chicago area for any reason without Lee’s approval. If you did travel, it was understood that you needed to be back in town for the next Sunday worship service, otherwise you could be rebuked and trained.
• If you lived outside of Chicago and you were selected to go on a “journey team” to Korea or elsewhere, you were told to buy an airline ticket to Chicago with an open return date, which could be very expensive. The reason for the open return date was that, once you were in Chicago, Lee reserved the right to keep you there indefinitely for training activities of his own choosing.
• Lee prescribe unorthodox diets and medical treatments and, in some cases, surgical procedures, and the doctors and nurses in Chicago would carry them out.
• If you objected to any of Lee’s practices, missionaries and shepherds would immediately counsel you to obey Lee because he was God’s servant. Failure to obey even in a small matter could result in training, monetary fines, public shaming and shunning.
• Lee sometimes urged missionaries to send their infant children back to Korea to be cared for by relatives so that the missionaries could focus on their ministry activities. In at least one case, he told a missionary couple to give one of their children to another couple who were childless.

Augustine, you and many UBF elders lived under Lee’s leadership; you had ample opportunity to witness his activities and hear about what he was doing.  If these statements are true, I believe UBF’s credibility as a disciplemaking ministry is deeply tarnished and will remain so until (a) the organization acknowledges that they happened and (b) takes a stand on whether these activities are appropriate. If they are inappropriate, leaders must then decide whether and how the organization’s culture can be rehabilitated, making a long-term commitment to identifying and rooting out residual forms of these practices that are present in varying degrees at UBF chapters worldwide.

Question 2. Do you confirm or deny that Samuel Lee, the founder of UBF, engaged in practices similar to those I listed above? If you confirm, does UBF regard these as appropriate methods of Christian discipleship? If  UBF does not consider them appropriate, will the organization issue a mea culpa, apologizing to everyone who received this kind of treatment from Lee and from other UBF leaders who did similar things, and will UBF take publicly visible, measurable and determined steps to root these practices out from its organizational culture? If so, give a timeline for these measures.

Background for Question 3. In recent years, I have heard multiple allegations of UBF members (however that is defined), shepherds and missionaries becoming aware of or being involved in the following:  domestic violence against women and children, sexual molestation, inappropriate physical contact between staff and disciples, and regrettably (in one prominent example) incest. In cases where laws may have been broken, no one made reports to law enforcement officials even when minors were involved. Training and policies on abuse, with mandatory reporting of allegations involving minors, are commonplace in American churches and campus ministries. As far as I can tell, UBF has no policies and does not train its staff on how to handle incidents like these, and the organization appears ill equipped to develop them on their own.

Question 3. Does UBF have any official policies or training on violence and sexual abuse? If not, what will the organization plan to do about this? Do your plans involve external consultants, and when will this be carried out? Give a timeline.

Background for Question 4. Augustine, you asked whether I consider myself to be an Intenational Advisory Member (IAM) and whether I will be voting for the next General Director. In most organizations, elections are a process by which voters select leaders from a pool of multiple candidates. To help voters make rational and informed choices, candidates will state their qualifications and accomplishments, describe their beliefs and lay out a vision for what they intend to do if they are elected. However, it is my understanding that, in the election of the next General Director, IAMs will be given one preselected candidate and will be asked to vote “Yes” or “No.” I find this confusing. I do not know what “Yes” or “No” means in an election with one candidate. Does the organization want my input to help it make a choice, or does it merely want my vote to lend an appearance of choice to a decision that has already been made? And whatever it means to vote “Yes” or “No,” I have no clue how to make an informed decision without knowing what the candidate stands for, what his beliefs are, and what he plans to do if he becomes General Director. I have heard through the grapevine that the preselection committee is now deciding between two candidates. I know one of these candidates well; I understand his values and his leadership style. But I have many questions about the other candidate; although we have been acquainted for many years, I lack an overall sense of what he believes and how he leads. One week ago, on February 25, I was surprised when this man used social media (his personal blog and his Facebook timeline) to promote an article from the website of an organization named The Berean Call (http://www.thebereancall.org/). I applaud this man’s use of social media; I have no qualms about that whatsoever. But I had never heard of this organization, and so I decided to poke around their website to see what they are about. What I found was astonishing: pages and pages filled with extreme views that bear no resemblance to my beliefs or those I heard preached in my 30+ years of involvement with UBF. That organization, which claims to promote discernment, declares that the Roman Catholic Church is a cult; the theory of evolution is demonic; the field of psychology is evil; so-called Christian psychology is godless humanism; the Alpha Course is unbiblical; World Vision and Rick Warren are helping to build the kingdom of the Antichrist; and The Message paraphrase of the Bible is wicked. I am not exaggerating one iota here; if you doubt me, visit the website and see for yourself. This set off sirens of alarm. Do the views of this candidate for General Director resemble the views I read on this website? The link from his personal blog and his Facebook timeline suggest there is some agreement and tacit endorsement going on. I bring this to your attention not only because it is disturbing, but to illustrate how uncomfortable it is for me to be asked to vote in an election with no understanding of what I might be voting for or against.

Question 4: In the upcoming election for General Director, what does it mean to vote “Yes” or “No” when there is one candidate who has been preselected? And what information am I expected to use to make a rational choice in this matter?

Thank you for contacting me and asking these timely questions. I will send you my answers soon after I receive yours. If you cannot respond within one week, please explain why, and tell me when the answers will come.

Very sincerely,

Joseph L. Schafer

P.S. I have copied this response to members of the Ethics Committee, so that they may be aware of this open conversation.

Oh, my, how the times have changed; so much has happened since then.

Be forewarned: this installment will be different.

And rejoice, for today is your lucky day! You are the winner of Wonka’s Golden Ticket. Reach out your hand. With this V.I.P. pass, we’ll descend into belly of the beast, to the inner sanctum, that secretive world of UBF leadership that has never before seen the light of day.

And this time, I will be naming names. Yes, today you will hear things that I have not yet shared with anyone, except for my wife and perhaps our dog.

Why am I doing this? Because I want to. And because I read an inspiring message from Washington UBF. This part of the message stuck in my heart.

How should we carry out this ministry? Look at verse 2. “Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.” The gospel ministry is not like the worldly business or political campaign. It is a non-profit ministry. There should be no shameful secret agenda, no distortion, and no deception. Honesty, transparency, purity, and straight talk are the backbone of the gospel ministry.

I couldn’t agree more. Nothing promotes the gospel like honesty, transparency, purity and straight talk. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

‘Twas the middle of November, the week before Thanksgiving. From my perspective, morale in had fallen to be at an all time low, but the leaders didn’t seem to have a clue. What concerned me most was the lack of communication.  In private, a few leaders were becoming a wee bit honest, dropping some lines that sounded sincere. But no one had a grip on what I saw happening all around. Paul Hong was cheerfully chirping about his chapter, with that fancy new building and all. But I knew from firsthand reports that not all was well in Toledo, and dark clouds were looming on the horizon. Jacob Lee was crowing about all that love they were feeling in Washington, how he was so buddy-buddy with the younger generation. But Sharon and I had been to the Harvest Festival a few weeks earlier. We had seen for ourselves how the young people in the audience (virtually all second gens, almost no natives in sight) were rolling their eyes. Many had snuck out of the lectures because they were bored or offended. The title of that Harvest Festival was “Empowering the Next Generation,” but the ones who enjoyed it were the oldest Korean missionaries. The program was designed to tell the elders’ stories, to affirm their values and life-choices. But once again, a report had gone up on the UBF website telling how wonderful that Harvest Festival was, how the next generation had been empowered and accepted their mission and true identity. In most of the chapters that I knew well, members couldn’t be honest with their leaders; there was no safe space for people to express what they truly thought and felt. Leaders and members who saw each other daily had entirely different perceptions of reality, as if they were living in parallel universes.

On my own, I had decided to contact more than fifty UBF members whom I believed I could trust. I had collected their answers to five open-ended questions about the state and trajectory of UBF. I synthesized my findings in this report. That project occupied two weeks of my life. I worked day and night to finish it quickly, because I wanted the report in the hands of UBF leaders before a senior staff retreat. Sharon can testify how hard I worked, even when it was probably a stupid thing to do at a time when I should have been taking care of my health, my career, my finances and my family.

Dear everyone: You can say whatever you like about why I did this. Call me proud, foolish, inexperienced, know-it-all, untrained, too big for my britches, full of typical Ivy League mentality, blah blah blah. Whatever negatives you may say about me, I can give you more. All of those things are absolutely true. Yes, I am the proudest of sinners. But with God as my witness, I say this to you now.

To the leaders of UBF: When I put together this report, I did it on my own time, of my own initiative, without getting paid, knowing that it would probably land me in trouble, yet I did it anyway because I loved you and because I cared about the future of our ministry. I did it because I imagined that, as pastors, you just might be interested in how you were perceived by your flock.

To the Americans who were/are in UBF: When I put together this report, I also did it for you, because I am one of you. I did it because I loved you and because I cared about the future of our ministry. I did it because I hoped that someday you would be allowed to become who you really are, the people that God created you to be, American disciples who live in the American context, free to break out of the hyper-Korean evangelical mold into which you had been so awkwardly forced.

To all  the Korean-American second-gens: When I put together this report, I also did it for you. I was not one of you, but I loved you. I hoped to convey to your parents and your leaders some of the things that you wanted to express but could not say directly. I did it because I hoped that UBF could really become a unique multicultural community where the work of the Holy Spirit had broken down boundaries,  where unity in diversity was not some farfetched goal but our daily common experience.

On that snowy day in November 2010, I drove up to Camp Wonderland, Wisconsin to attend the senior staff retreat. I had emailed my report to the senior staff members two days earlier, but had not yet received any replies. I shared a ride with a member of the senior staff, and the conversation was fascinating. He was frustrated with the way UBF had been going, sick and tired of all the power plays, petty politics, all the people who couldn’t be trusted. In that car, he opened up and shared two stories that I had never heard before.

The first story was about all the political maneuvering that took place during the first reform movement in America (1989-92). He said that Samuel Lee had come within a hair’s breadth of being ousted. At one point, even Paul Hong and Sarah Barry knew that Lee was out of control, and they tentatively agreed to side with the reformers. But when this man  decided to stand with Lee, the tide turned back and some would-be reformers flipped. Paul Hong read the writing on the wall; he flipped back to support Lee, and was rewarded for his loyalty by being appointed director of Toledo after James Kim was forced out.

The second story he told was of his experiences with Samuel Lee. A member of this man’s chapter claimed that his Sunday messages were almost as good as the messages of Lee. When Lee heard about this, he became very upset. He demanded to see copies of this man’s Sunday messages. Those copies were returned to him, with every paragraph marked up with red ink, and the man was forced to make hundreds of corrections under the guise of “improving his English.” Those corrections were completely unnecessary, because the manuscripts had already been checked and edited by an English major from that chapter. Even worse, this man was ordered to come to the Chicago center for message training every Monday. Those trips were very costly, taxing his health, his finances, his family and his ministry. He said that those trips almost killed him. But for some reason, he decided to do it anyway. Finally, he spoke of one American shepherd who stood at Samuel Lee’s side in Chicago, supervising and carrying out this abusive training. Years later, he asked that American shepherd, “Why did you do that to me? Didn’t your conscience bother you?” The American said nothing; he shrugged his shoulders and smiled. That American is still in a place of leadership and, as far as I know, has no intention of ever allowing these issues of abuse to be freely discussed or admitted.

As he told these tales, I was taken aback. The stories themselves were not surprising; I had seen the harsh training since I first came to UBF, and I vaguely knew of the political wrangling in the late 80’s and early 90’s which ousted some chapter directors. What surprised me was his willingness to tell me straight up.  As I listened to the stories, I began to wonder: Are we on the verge of something? Are we reaching a tipping point where leaders will finally open their mouths and speak of those dark things that must never be spoken?

If anyone is interested in finding out what happened during the reform movement of 1989-92, I suggest you go and visit this man. Take him out to dinner, order a bottle of wine, and he just might be willing to tell you everything. Five years ago, he couldn’t care less about the reputation of UBF, and as far as I know, that hasn’t changed.

My memories of that Wisconsin retreat are a bit hazy, but I will share what I can recall.

When I saw the schedule for the retreat, I became upset, because it was not going to be a retreat at all. Little time had been set aside for open group discussion. The program was filled with Bible study, business items and committee reports. Still I hoped and prayed that our time would be productive.

The group Bible study was led by Sarah Barry, and the passage was from 2 Chronicles 20. The people of Judah were facing a national crisis. A vast, three-nation army approached from the desert, ready to attack at any moment. King Jehoshaphat had no idea what to do. He called a national assembly, and standing there before the men, women and children of Judah, he cried out to the Lord: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

As we studied this passage, I was stunned. Kings are not accustomed to showing ignorance or weakness. Even if they have no clue what they are doing, they want to project an air of strength and confidence, so that their followers stay with them and do not lose heart. Indeed, that was the leadership stance I was given by UBF: remain strong, keep choongshim, never stop marching, and when you are clueless, pretend that everything is going according to plan. That’s what I thought it meant to “have faith.” But in this passage, the top leader made himself vulnerable. He became a sitting duck, an easy target for a political or military coup. But when he stood in vulnerability before his nation, and together they all cried out to God, the Lord’s answer came through a prophet, and their deliverance that day was truly miraculous.

I found this passage so appropriate, the perfect metaphor for what was happening in UBF. Problems were mounting, morale was low, strength had run out, and the leaders had no clue. During that Bible study, I remember asking two questions.

My first question was, “What would it look like for the leaders of a Christian organization to actually do what Jehoshaphat did? What if we admitted to ourselves and our members that we have no good plans or answers for our problems? What if we all stood together helplessly before the Lord with our eyes firmly fixed on him, so that we might be open to his answers and his deliverance?”

When I asked that question, the room became still. I waited and got no response.

My second question came a bit later, and it was something like this. “One of the big items on our agenda is to decide what to do at the national staff conference three months from now. As of today, none of us has a plan. There are some big problems in our ministry. Our chapter directors are tired, morale is low, and many of you have been saying that we are burned out. I hope you all read that report I sent to you. Those issues are real; I didn’t make them up. Is it an accident that we are studying this passage today? Or might God be speaking to us through his word, asking us to do something courageous that we have never done before – to openly admit to our chapter directors that have no answers, and to stand together with them as equals before the Lord, repenting together and seeking direction and help from God alone?”

Once again, the room was silent. I knew that my question would make some uncomfortable, but I never imagined they wouldn’t even acknowledge the question.

The Bible study moved on.

That moment was for me a real eye opener. For a long time, I had known that UBF leaders were deeply flawed. But even in the worst of times, I had always sensed in them a stance of openness toward Scripture, a desire to treat the Bible as the word of God being spoken to them, and a willingness to obey what they were hearing. But at that moment, I felt a strange physical sensation. It was as though we had suddenly swung around on a hinge. Instead of looking into the face of God intending to do what he was asking, we now seemed turned away with our backs to the Lord, ignoring his voice and deliberately walking away. That was a feeling that I will never forget. It’s a feeling that I never want to feel again.

Little time was reserved for open discussion. At one point, we were able to talk for maybe an hour or so. I have a few memories of what went on. I remember Jim Rabchuk telling the story of how he had gotten burned out. The demands that UBF had placed on him (and many related demands that he had placed on himself) became overwhelming, and he was learning the necessity of saying “No.”

Jim also began to talk about some of the problems in his ministry.

As he was talking, he was interrupted by Jacob Lee. Jacob said (my paraphrase, but I believe it is accurate): “We can’t keep talking about all these problems. Of course, there are problems, we always have problems. We talk and talk and talk and there is never any solution. We cannot solve all our problems. We must move on from these problems and do the work of God.”

Jim got visibly upset. He shot back, “Missionary Jacob, that is ridiculous!”

I had never seen an American openly confront an older missionary like that, certainly not in the presence of other leaders. I was shocked, and yet I felt strangely comforted. “Good for him,” I thought. “Good. for. him.”

And James H. Kim made a passionate speech about spiritual disciplines. He had begun to read Peter Scazzero’s books on spiritual formation, and was learning the importance of contemplative prayer. He said (again a paraphrase): “Our American staff shepherds are all burned out. They have no time to think, no time to recharge. They are just doing, doing, doing every day like machines. That is not a Christian life. That is not the way to be a leader. Leaders must reflect, must stay in the presence of God. Leaders should meditate with times of deep contemplation!”

I was ready to stand up and applaud.

John Jun didn’t like what he was hearing. He yelled, “Time over! Time over! Time for lunch!”

Then James H. Kim shouted over him: “Each one of our staff shepherds MUST spend THREE HOURS EVERY DAY in quiet study and contemplation!”

My heart sank like a stone. That was the last thing our burned-out staff needed to hear. Three hours a day? I couldn’t contain myself, so I blurted: “Missionary James, you said ‘three hours a day.’ Is that instead of some things they are currently doing, or in addition to everything they already do?”

The discussion was over. It was time for lunch.

Here are a few more things I remember from that staff retreat.

After that exchange with James H. Kim, John Jun started to clamp down. At our next meeting, he brought out a call bell, one of those metal contraptions you see on the front desk of a hotel. When he thought someone was talking too much – which was after about 60 or 90 seconds – he would ring the bell and say, “Time over! Time over!” As he did this, some of the missionaries laughed. To me, this was not a laughing matter. We desperately needed to get real about things that truly mattered, and I didn’t care how long it took. But the funny thing is, at that time I didn’t get upset about the bell. I had lived in UBF-land so long that I was accustomed to that kind of treatment. Months later, when I told some friends what John Jun had done, their jaws dropped. They couldn’t believe that the leader of a Christian organization would do that in a room full of adults, shutting people up by ringing a bell. In retrospect, I see that this was outrageous. But at the time, it felt almost normal.

The so-called retreat shifted into all-business mode. Ron Ward discussed plans for a new CME (Continuing Missionary Education) institute. That 30-minute presentation was the longest three hours of my life. It droned on and on and on. Then Jacob Lee laid out his vision for a UBF school  for the education of children, teaching them all subjects (reading, writing, math, etc.) from a standpoint of mission, so that we could pass on UBF core values to the next generation. Of course, we all knew what was really happening: these leaders were angling for pots of money from the UBF treasury to fund their pet projects. To say we were bored would be an understatement. The next item was conference planning. Mark Vucekovich talked about the 2013 International Summer Bible Conference, and it was decided that we would hold it at IUP. When Mark asked questions, he got essentially no response. My strength had been sapped, and I sensed that others were feeling the same way. (Later, some confirmed to me that, yes, they were bored out of their skulls.)

The last major item on the agenda was the North American Staff Conference to be held three months later. No plans had made, no theme was proposed. I spoke up and said something like this: “In light of what we learned from our group Bible study, why don’t we do what Jehoshaphat did, admitting that we really don’t know what we are doing, and stand together in prayer before the Lord to seek help and renewal for our ministry.”

My suggestion wasn’t acknowledged. They fidgeted for a brief moment and then moved on.

After hearing complaints that we needed to talk, John Jun made a small concession. He allowed everyone in the room to speak in turn, saying whatever was on their minds, within a limit of two minutes. Thankfully, he did not ring his bell. I cannot recall anyone’s remarks, except for the elder Daniel Yang, who said something like this: “My main concern is that we have no spirit. In the old days we had great spirit, because we used to study the Bible every day, 365 days a year, on Christmas, on New Year, no exception. It is my opinion that we must go back to intensive Bible study 365 days a year, so that our spirit may be revived. You might think differently, but that is my opinion.”

When my turn came, this is what I said. This is an exact quote. I wrote it down so I wouldn’t stumble over my words, and I saved it on my computer.

As I reflect back upon my life, I see five people who helped to shape my Christian faith. First, my mother, who raised me and my twelve siblings by faith in God alone. Second, a Catholic priest who befriended me and prayed for me during my freshman year at MIT; it was through his influence that I read a Christian book and committed my life to Christ. Third, Mother Barry, from whom I learned to respect and interact with Scripture. Fourth, John Armstrong, whose writings deeply challenged my sectarianism and opened my mind and heart to interact with the Body of Christ beyond UBF. Fifth, my wife, who has taught me countless things that other people could not; through her I am experiencing the love of God in new and wonderful ways.

Please forgive me, but I cannot identify Dr. Lee as my spiritual father, nor can I see myself as the fruit of UBF. I have drawn much spiritual nourishment from UBF, but I would not be the person I am today without those other influences. This is why I will never be just a UBF man, and why I cannot get excited about dedicating the rest of my life to promoting UBF-specific values. To do so would deny my roots and my heritage.

In feeling this way, I am not alone. America was a Christian nation long before UBF missionaries arrived, and a “typical” North American person in UBF will have significant spiritual influences in his or her life outside of UBF. To strongly press the principles of UBF upon us, to force us to claim that as our spiritual heritage, is to divide us from ourselves and from one another.

On the last day of the retreat, three senior staff members excused themselves and left early, saying that they needed to get to the airport. Later I learned that at least one of them deliberately changed to an earlier flight, because he concluded the retreat was a waste of time.

And now, we turn to the question that prompted this article.

What happened after I wrote that report?

Brian guessed this:

I suppose the ubf echelon kicked you out of the Well, and marginalized you in various ways…but I will let you tell the story.

Yes, that did happen eventually, but those events unfolded over a couple of years.

Ben said this:

My short guess is that you were called aside, basically reprimanded, told to “keep you place,” “mind your own business,” and basically asked, “who the heck do you think you are?” Well, probably not in those exact words.

Something like that sort of happened. At the beginning of the retreat, John Jun was not aware of my report. The guy who managed his email hadn’t told him about it. At the retreat, someone urged Jun to look at my report, and that first night, he did. The next day, just as we were heading to lunch, he poked me on the arm and said, “A leader should be humble! A leader should be humble!”

I took one step backward so that he could no longer touch me, looked him in the eye and said, “A leader should be honest.”

He replied, “Okay,” and then we went to lunch.

Reactions from the senior staff were muted. A couple of them said, “Thank you for your report,” and that was it. During the next week, I got feedback from a few more.

Brian’s and Ben’s answers aren’t wrong, but no one nailed it.

The answer to “What happened?” is so predictable, so typical of happenings in UBF-land, that when you hear it, you’ll slap yourself and say, “Duh!”

So obvious that it’s invisible, like that nose in front of your face.

This is what happened after that report.

(Drum roll, please.)

Joe Schafer humbled himself.

That’s right. I did exactly as UBF trained me to do. I sucked it up. I decided that once again, I needed to trust my leaders, believing that they would do what was right in God’s time. So I decided to pray and wait some more. I would lie low, not make waves, and keep following the leaders to God-knows-where.

And I urged everyone else to do the same.

After getting survey responses  from dozens of members, I feared that hopes were building that change would be imminent. I knew that nothing would happen for some time, so I wrote a letter and emailed it to everyone who had answered my survey. My key verse for the letter was Ephesians 4:3:

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

I did not ask anyone to keep quiet. I asked them to approach their leaders humbly and prayerfully, not with a spirit of division or complaint, but in a manner that was gentle and constructive, realizing that people from different generations and cultures will see things differently.

If you don’t believe that I actually did this, see for yourself. The letter is right here.

If you hear anyone say that I stirred up trouble, print a copy of this letter and place it in their hands.

As I waited for UBF leaders to do something about these issues, I didn’t sit down and do nothing (as several know-nothings have suggested). In the months ahead, I continued to study the Bible and preach Sunday messages. I prayed for our ministry, especially for those who were unhappy. We entertained UBF guests at our home, including Paul and Sarah Hong, who stayed with us overnight. I wrote dozens of positive articles for UBFriends, monitoring the website day and night to interact with everyone who cared to comment. I read dozens of books on various topics, especially the theology of mission.

And Sharon and I enrolled in John Armstrong’s first cohort on missional ecumenism. At a time when we really could not afford it, we paid from our own family budget (not with ministry funds) the full registration fees for the year-long course, for all the books, and for round-trip travel and accommodation in Chicago. We didn’t do this to become know-it-alls. We did it because we needed to understand what Christian unity is about. We were longing for someone, anyone, to please teach us how to relate to other Christians in our community. Most of all, we desperately wanted to know what the gospel required us to do in response to our fellow believers in UBF who, as the weeks and months went by, seemed ever more distant and different from us.

And with that, dear brothers and sisters, I bid you do widzenia.

P.S. – Some of you might say that I’ve gone too far, that it was unethical and unChristian to reveal what happened at that retreat. If so, I suggest that you lodge a complaint with Washington UBF.  Then please note that, during the many years that I served on the senior staff, no one ever suggested to me that the proceedings were to be kept secret.  In fact, at that Wisconsin retreat, I specifically recall some of the members (I could be wrong, but I think it was Henry Park and perhaps Paul Hong) saying that they are completely open and transparent about these things, and when they return home after a senior staff meeting, they meet with their members and inform them of what happened. And no one never said I should spin the events to make UBF leaders look better than they are. So I have done precisely what they said, explaining what happened as I experienced it.

If you were there and would like to tell it from a different perspective, send us your article, and we’ll publish it right away.

Narrative 1: Unexpected Faith

“Bullshit! It’s all bullshit!” The frustration on my friend’s face was as real, like the smell of the dark roast coffee I was sipping. How could this be? What would cause my Christian friend to be so exasperated? We met a few more times and as we did, my interest grew. I had to find out what was causing such grief to my friend and his wife. They had, along with other friends from the same faith community in Toledo, expressed similar frustration to me privately in prior years. Why were they sharing such things with me? As my friend shared his struggles, my mind wandered.

My blog, priestlynation.com, became my way of venting my frustration. Some kept asking me, “Are you in UBF or not?” and “What is your problem?” One problem was that my conscience was bothering me on a daily basis. I wanted answers about what we did to James and Rebekah back in 1990. But almost no one wanted to discuss this issue. Most UBF leaders just wanted me to be quiet and let them get back to their ministry. Some who were present with me back in 1990 suddenly had amnesia, and couldn’t recall what happened. Why stir up trouble over an issue that has been dead for nearly 20 years? I was told “The past is the past. You did not do anything wrong.” But my conscience said otherwise. I had to expose this event publicly if no one in my faith community would talk about it. I had no intention of leaving UBF ministry, but I knew that my days were numbered. I decided to make the most of them.

Narrative 2: Unexpected Hope

The sun set. The train left the station. And I abandoned my ambitious attempt to define an ultimate objective reality.

My search for an ultimate, universal, objective truth that would define the world and all people in it, both living and dead, encompassed more than twenty years. I called myself a bible teacher. My identity was that of a chosen servant of God. But the more I sought an outward, objective reality, the more I withdrew into my self and disconnected my life from the reality immediately near me. I had made a grand, ambitious attempt to be a savior-figure, a source of blessing for the world. But in the end, my ambition fell apart faster than a train wreck. And that was a good thing, it turns out. It was the stench of my own decomposing ambition that woke me up from my self-aggrandized fantasy. Something smelled horribly wrong with the mission-from-God life I had been living in. And I was now willing to do whatever it took to find out why.

Narrative 3: Unexpected Love

Like water crashing over a waterfall, time marches forward. Change happens. As the water of change crashed into our faith community, some very unexpected things happened. Navigating such collapse of community often felt like walking on water. Both prudence and risk-taking are needed when your faith community collapses.

Although I use the term “faith community”, our community looked more like an army brigade. And that brigade fell apart in remarkable fashion soon after my resignation.

Many leaders in our faith community blamed me for creating division. What I found though was just the opposite. I connected with amazing people in amazing ways, and listened to their stories. We all found out that we shared much in common. We wondered why we had not talked so openly, honestly or transparently before. Most of these friends ended up leaving UBF ministry as well, over the course of two years. But we found such unity among us—we had similar concerns about the ministry, similar questions about the gospel and similar ideas about how to build a Christian community.

In total, from our faith community, 7 families made up of 38 people and representing 282 years of commitment resigned from Toledo UBF ministry. This represents about half of the ministry lost in a matter of months. After that exodus, other families left. Among these families were leaders—leading everything from children’s ministry to Sunday service to offering administration. These were Sunday messengers, Treasurers and Fellowship Leaders. They had done everything they could to “make it work” for several years. Several of them had been there when Toledo UBF was first pioneered.

Belief systems and mission and community are good things. But if we have not love, what do we have? Following Him who loves is primary.

We often begin our journey with an epic attempt to obey God’s law. We want to please God and so we strive for obedience. Yet even if we get really good at keeping God’s Law, we quickly find that we may in fact be far from God and find ourselves still in need of repentance, radical faith, and a deeper communion with God, who not only loves us, but also is love.

We then are need of an epic surrender. At some point, we throw our hands up and surrender to grace. Love wins. God is love. Love is the ultimate standard. And it is love that leads. An epic life journey is a life surrendered to the purpose of love—love for self, for friends, for family, for enemies, for neighbors, for the marginalized of society and for all humanity. Such love shows that we love God.

As we rest in the grace of God, we find that humanity is both good and bad, and that there is much badness in us and around us. So we embark on an epic search for goodness. We begin to long for what is good. No longer are we satisfied by the appearance of goodness. We want genuine friendships. We seek to discover our authentic self.

Still our life may seem empty or void of purpose. We begin to long for something more, something meaningful to commit our lives to, something lasting. We want to see the effervescent joy of life! We want to build something. So we embark on a journey filled with an epic vision of glory.

And in the end, we realize the epic life is an epic pursuit of unity. Our own ambition to build something is not lasting. What lasts are the relationships that have been united.

The epic life of love then is an epic striving to obey, an epic surrender to grace, an epic search for goodness, an epic vision of glory and an epic pursuit of unity.

[Excerpts from “Unexpected Christianity: The Penguin Narratives”, by Brian John Karcher]

It’s not about Hymn 11

While I realize “hymn 11” may be a PTCD trigger for some, the hymn itself is not the issue at ubf. We should indeed “hail Jesus’ name”, and I am just now, after nearly 4 years of ubf-detox, able to say that. But as a former leader, the hymns we sang weren’t really the issue. It would have been nice for a change once in a while to break up the typical ubf boredom, but changing hymns or music styles won’t bring about reformation at ubf. My friend John writes this:

“I tend to think we do a very dangerous disservice to the church, and the people who are leaving, because we are getting people to think, ‘These must be the reasons people are leaving our church, we need to make some changes to stop this.’ The lists always include things like Worship Music, Building Layout, Outreach, Being Missional and so many others; but I think it leaves out the biggest reason people are leaving.” source

We Know Pressure

I think John hits on a major issue for Western churches, especially in America. But the point is even more valid in the ubf context. We know pressure. We know guilt. We know manipulation to “do God’s will”. We know about making people conform. We know about “going back to the bible” slogans. His words are highly insightful and relevant to my recovery from ubf:

“Pressure can take people from the sets and into the streets; life pressure can cause us to run to the Divine, while church pressure can make us run from the Divine. The more I think about it, the more I truly believe that pressure is the main killer of the church today. Think about it for a second, we put forward this image of Christ, this image of what it mean to be a Christian, and in reality no one can live up to it. No one can be the ‘perfect little Christian’ we expect them to be – so, when they fail we jump on them, we demand they “go back to the basics” never truly knowing what those basics are, because they change with every new article about why people are leaving.” source

The Harmful Results of Pressure

If we don’t handle pressure well or when we abuse the pressure that may have otherwise been good, we damage people. We who are involved with ubf all have seen this– and some have watched for decades. I find John’s description of the harmful results of too much pressure to be on target in the ubf context:

“When we put people under pressure we actually achieve the opposite of what we are striving to achieve. Pressure stifles growth, creativity, conversations, being honest, and being open with each other. Pressure places us in a world were being understanding our faults, our weaknesses, and our past, are not talked about, not discussed, and not forgiven. Pressure moves us from a place of love, to a place where cannot breath, we cannot express ourselves, we cannot let others in, and we refuse to allow others to take us in.” source

What can be done?

For me, I’ve been learning from many sources how to transform pressure into something beautiful. Pressure is actually very useful. Without pressure, the world and humanity might not function. Instead of letting pressure build up and explode in a rage of blog posts :) I am learning to let off steam every day, and to channel my energy from such pressure into working for things such as reconciliation, justice and peace. Here are some suggestions John concludes with in his article:

“What do I think we need to do? I think we need to turn the valve and release the pressure. We need to be open with each other and realize that “making a diamond” is not what we need to be thinking – we need to start to be open, loving and admit our mistakes; no judgment, no pressure. But this also leads to the question of how?

I think the first thing that needs to happen is that the Pastor needs to model what it means to be open and honest – they need to admit their faults, weaknesses and misgiving. Sure, this can be dangerous, we have to remember that when we open the valve, steam may come out and hit us in the face. But it is something we need to do, something we need to be honest about; a chance we need to take.

Second, we need to invite others to be open and honest, and we need to make sure we are a safe place for that to happen – In their being open and honest, we have to be ready to stand with them and keep an eye on the valve keepers.” source

How do you handle the mounting pressures in your life? What advice or tips do you have for releasing pressure and turning it into something beautiful or useful or helpful? What are some good ways to react to people who just need to vent and blow off some steam? Is your church or family a safe place to do that?

Before me lay a vast desert. How long it had been since that wilderness had last seen rain, I could not say. Three years perhaps, or four. Long fissures reached like fingers across the clay-baked expanse. A few sun-scorched crags were the jealous residents of that wasteland. Allowing no creatures, no living things to share their kingdom, they were disturbed only by a light sand, swept by a fiery wind.

As I watched, the silence was broken by a deliberate beat, amplified by the harsh serenity of that wilderness. A legion of men emerged in the distance, marching toward me. Fifty men abreast, they passed not a hundred feet from where I sat in the shade of a boulder. Heads bowed, they trudged by, hooded in dusty brown robes that covered them down to their disheveled sandals. There seemed no end to the column; it stretched for miles, as far as I could see.

I drew closer and fell in the line next to a broad-shouldered man with a plodding step. He did not look at me exactly, but cocked his head slightly, revealing a bronzed face with a gritty countenance. The grizzled strands that escaped from his brown hood matched the stippled growth on his cheeks. Beads of sweat clung to his upper lip, occasionally brushed away by a rough tongue. I greeted him warmly, and was rewarded with a husky grunt.

“Tell me, sir, what is this company?”

“We are marching,” he answered.

“To where?”

“To the End.”

“To the End of What?”

“To the End of Man.” He seemed well satisfied by his answer, and silently trudged on, ignoring my inquisitive glance.

Undaunted, I renewed my query. “Why do you march?”

“It is our duty.”

“To whom?”

“To ourselves.”

This line of questioning bearing even less fruit than the last, I asked him what would become of Them. “What will you do when you get to the End?”

He seemed surprised at this, and retorted, “The End is the End. There is Nothing Else.”

I persisted, “There must be Something at the End.”

For the first time, the traveler turned toward me with a scowl. “There is Nothing Else,” he repeated. “We are Man. It is Enough.”

As he turned back to the road, he pulled from his mouth a small stone, no more than a pebble. Inspecting it, he smacked his lips twice, than placed it back in his mouth, sucking furiously. As I glanced around, I noticed a similar bulge in the mouths of many of the other pilgrims. I inquired of my guide as to its purpose.

The answer was obvious enough to him. “It sustains me,” he retorted with an especially loud smack. “But it cannot avail much against this heat, even for an hour.”

He pulled the stone from his mouth only to glare at me once more. “It is Enough,” he snapped, and popped the stone back into his mouth.

At this, we trudged on in silence for some time. Presently, my eyes were drawn to a small party on the edge of the endless column. Their step was lighter, their heads higher, than their comrades. Some of them peered about restlessly, scanning the desert for… Something.

I inquired about them. “They are the Seekers. Fools, all of them.”

“Why fools?” I asked. “What do they seek?”

The traveler snorted. “They search for More. A waste of time.”

“A waste?”

“Tried it once myself, when I was young; they will never find It. We do not need More. We have Enough. It does not help our Progress.”

At once, a cry rang up from the Seekers.  As one, they rushed toward a boulder set apart from the path the men followed. Shading my eyes against the sun, I could make out the glimmer of a small creek running out from the base of the boulder, bubbling from some unseen spring deep in the ground.

One man collared a young Seeker as he ran by. “Where do you think you’re going, little halfwit?”

“Oh it is wonderful, sir! They have found More!”

His tormentor gave his arm a rude twist. “Bah! Do not waste yourself chasing such dreams! It is nothing but a mirage. You’ll stay right here. Don’t scorn your fellow Man; you’re no better than the rest of us.”

For one brief instant, the young man glared back defiantly. But in the next moment, his resolve seemed to crumple; with a final doleful glance at the other Seekers, he bowed his head and resumed his March.

I watched the other Seekers as they excitedly gathered the water, some drinking deeply, others filling a waterskin and running back to the column to share a fortune with their parched comrades. One returned ahead of the rest, not even pausing to quench his own thirst in his haste to give refreshment to another. He grabbed the first traveler he met and pressed the flask to the man’s lips. “Drink, brother!” he cried.

But his charity was unwelcome; I stared in disbelief as the man shoved the altruist to the ground, spilling his prize on the arid earth. “I am no brother of yours,” he returned. “And I have no need of your pity.”

The Seeker was aghast. “But only the water will fill you! What you have will never satisfy!”

“I daresay that’s as may be,” the man replied, as he drew his precious pebble from between his lips. “But this,” he gestured. “This, is Mine. Do whatever you like for yourself. But as for me, I have Enough.”

Disregarding the Seeker’s pleas and tears, he hurried toward the middle of the column, burying himself deep among his fellows.

By now, all of the other Seekers were returning with water. They ran to the front of the column, and shouted so fervently that the entire horde came to a halt. “We have found it!” they exclaimed. “Drink, and live!”

Their shouts were met with silence by the stoic pilgrims. Finally, one bolder than the rest came forward. Without a word, he accepted a flask from one of the Seekers and turned to face the column, raising it high. He paused briefly. Then, stone-faced, he slowly poured the water onto the ground. Turning to the Seekers, he growled, “Look here. We don’t need your new ideas.”

“No we don’t!” echoed the pilgrims.

“We can look out for ourselves. Man has always marched on, and so He will march to the End. If you are not with us, you are against us. Now stand aside. Do not hinder our Progress!”

A wave of fury rushed over the pilgrims, the first show of sentiment that I had seen from the masses. Once again, the swarm pressed forward.

The Seekers stood valiantly in the path, pleading with all those who rushed past, until, one by one, they all fell, pushed to the cracking clay by travelers who would not be turned aside from their goal. Row after row of pilgrims trudged on, heedless of the groans of their fallen comrades whom they now trampled into the dust.

As the last pairs of sandals pressed on, leaving behind scores of broken bodies, order was at last restored to the column.

One traveler turned to take one last glance at a shattered jug, its spilled prize still running along a small fault in the earth. Removing a pebble from his mouth, he licked his lips. A moment later, he replaced the pebble, turned, and was gone. Onward marched Man.

“If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” John 4:10

“In my experience, leaders have refused to participate in discussions where they cannot control the rules of engagement, the range of allowable topics, or manage the ultimate outcome. They are willing to meet with you one on one, but I have found that counterproductive because in private they say things to pacify you but nothing comes of it, and when you leave the room they change their tune entirely. There needs to be witnesses present and some kind of accountability. Basically, I’ve found that they refuse to participate in discussions where they might lose face. Dialogue requires letting go of control and being willing to lose face, if necessary, for the sake of the gospel and for the sake of love. It feels scary and dangerous. I understand their predicament. But it is a risk that they must take.”

For the sake of love. I understand that UBF leaders will find the above paragraph very hard to read, because it is an indictment on them. But honestly, good leaders listen to anything “thrown at them,” if they truly want to be a “world class leader” like Jesus, who did have everything thrown at him!

Please listen. A leader who only wants to teach others, lord over others and control them, but not seriously dialogue with them or listen to them makes a poor leader. A Christian leader is ultimately never one who is appointed (by God or by people), but one who has earned the right to lead others through Christ-like love. I will state categorically that a leader who does not genuinely dialogue with or listen to his or her people will eventually lose them to someone who would listen to them. Isn’t this why so many people, including so many 2nd gen children of hardcore senior leaders, are continuing to leave UBF?

Here’s Charles’ comment:

“…it became too painful to stay in UBF, and much of my time in UBF was painful. It was painful to see a so-called church systematically abuse people in the name of shepherding, praise those who did so, and then vilify and ignore those who either left or spoke against the issues. It was painful to see the whole congregation be asked to pray for such and such UBF chapter to have a big conference with many attendees while knowing that that very chapter has hurt people. To see this done, with business as usual continuing, was painful and anger inducing. And then it happened to me too.

After leaving, I experienced the very things mentioned (on UBFriends). I realized how isolated my life had become. The feelings of deception, of embarrassment in becoming a self-absorbed fool for so long, of disappointment and betrayal, were all painful. But in the end I’m glad to have left and stood by my convictions with the support of my wife because despite the pains, it sure feels great to feel like I’m becoming human again. It has been simultaneously painful and difficult, and still exciting and wonderful.”

Eerie and chilling words. The chilling phrase in Charles’ words after being in UBF for 14 years is this: “And then it happened to me too.” What happened to Charles? In his words it was to be vilified and ignored when he tried to raise concerns and speak to senior leaders about them. He wanted a genuine heart to heart dialogue. But after being shut down multiple times all he could say is, “And then it happened to me too.” (This I believe is also what countless others have felt from the UBF hierarchy.) Gosh, these words are eerie and chilling!

Can we please have a dialogue? Joe’s contention in his words are that “leaders have refused to participate in discussions where they cannot control the rules of engagement, the range of allowable topics, or manage the ultimate outcome.” In brief, the UBF hierarchy does not really want to listen or have a dialogue, for what they want is primarily for you to listen to them telling you what to do. Will such a practice ever lead to a happy marriage if one spouse only wants the other spouse to listen to them and obey them? Will this lead to a happy father son dialogue and conversation?

Let me conclude with a few excellent words by Pope Francis about what prevents dialogue and about how to have a genuine dialogue with another:

“…we succumb to attitudes that do not permit us to dialogue: domination, not knowing how to listen, annoyance in our speech, preconceived judgments and so many others. Dialogue is born from a respectful attitude toward the other person, from a conviction that the other person has something good to say. It supposes that we can make room in our heart for their point of view, their opinion and their proposals. Dialogue entails a warm reception and not a preemptive condemnation. To dialogue, one must know how to lower the defenses, to open the doors of one’s home, and to offer warmth.” Pope Francis, On Heaven and Earth: Pope Francis on Faith, Family and the Church in the 21st Century.

According to Pope Frances this is what a good UBF leader should do:

1. Don’t make preconceived judgments and preemptive condemnations against those who disagree with you and challenge your decisions.
2. Listen from your heart and listen empathetically to those hurt by UBF.
3. Respect those who critique UBF.
4. Believe that those who critique UBF have something good to say.
5. Make room in your heart for those who bring up issues that you don’t like to hear.
6. Have a warm reception in your heart toward those who leave UBF, just as you will have a warm reception to your children if they leave UBF.

Can we have a genuine heart to heart dialogue in UBF?

There are plenty of places where we can worship freely. There are many churches in our town, and of course they would be thrilled to have new members (especially if you are willing to work hard and support them financially). But it’s hard to find a church that is truly home. It’s a huge adjustment to go from being a pastor of your own church where you ran things for 20 years to being just a new person who has walked in the door with no special status or title or responsibilities. That is a huge shock.

And some of the things we found problematic about ubf (for example, the ways that they approach Scripture, shallow understandings of the gospel, problematic methods of evangelism and discipleship, overbearing pastoral leadership) we also found in varying degrees in other evangelical churches. We have become extra-sensitive to these things (some would say extra critical) because of our experiences with ubf; we can see and smell certain problems from a mile away. And after getting burned by ubf leaders its just hard to learn to trust people again.

But this process has also been incredibly healthy and purifying. And it has really widened our understanding of what the true church is and where real Christians are to be found. We have found Jesus alive and at work in churches that we used to think were too formal, too ritualistic, too liberal, full of Sunday Christians / cultural Christians and so on. We have been challenged at every level to overcome our own pride, self importance, closed mindedness, prejudice and lack of love to see Jesus Christ living in every part of his diverse Body.

A huge shock. What most resonated with me is this: “It’s a huge adjustment to go from being a pastor of your own church where you ran things for 20 years to being just a new person who has walked in the door with no special status or title or responsibilities. That is a huge shock.”

One reason I couldn’t leave UBF. Even though I had seriously considered leaving, this sentiment so well expressed by Joe was one significant reason why it was just too painful for me to leave. For over a quarter of a century I had been a top leader in UBF: Chicago Board of Elders, fellowship leader of the largest fellowship at the Chicago UBF HQ, lay UBF staff, UIC leader, overseer of YDC (now the Well), and many throughout the UBF world knew me, or heard of my name, or heard of “how exemplary” I am, and how I am one of Samuel Lee’s most fruitful disciples. So to go from this to being a virtual nobody in a new church was just plain tough. I highly commend and respect Joe and countless others who have moved on from UBF after 10 to 20 to 30 years of devoted and dedicated service. Joe and many others did what I personally could not do. Of course, there were also many other reasons why I also felt very strongly compelled to stay in UBF “forever,” which I will not delve into here.

Horrible things some leaders say of those who leave UBF. I wish some of our older leaders would realize just how painful it is for anyone to leave UBF after investing decades of the prime of their lives to UBF. The things I have personally heard from some leaders commenting on people who leave UBF is downright sick and appalling. Yet, I can’t be too hard on them, because sadly and with much brokenness of heart, I said exact similar horrible things myself for over 20 years whenever someone left UBF.

Many who leave UBF did so after giving tens of thousands of $$ to UBF. I hope that the UBF hierarchy would share corporate sorrow over those who leave UBF, instead of speaking ill and speaking disparagingly and speaking nonsense of anyone who leaves. We speak of “shepherd heart” as though it is UBF’s second nature. I hope that all UBF leaders would have a “shepherd heart” for those like Joe and countless others. (I’m not saying that they need or want our sorrow and sympathy.) Yes, they may have moved on from UBF. But this was after years and decades of fully giving themselves and countless thousands and tens and hundreds of thousands in tithes to UBF, which surely contribute to our 13 million plus USD in savings and investments just in central UBF, not counting the hundreds of thousands if not millions more in local UBF chapters throughout the world. Please, please, please have a “shepherd heart” for those who have left UBF.

I personally share and feel the pain of almost everyone who has left UBF. I can feel their pain in their articles and comments whether it is on Facebook or UBFriends, as well as in emails and phone calls and face to face conversations.

A deeply rooted egocentricity. What causes a church to thrive is a culture of love. Speaking ill of those who leave UBF promotes anything but a culture of love. Not having a “shepherd heart” for those who move on from UBF exposes a deep ego driven selfishness whose primary concern is to show off to the world just how great UBF is (and how terrible are those who leave UBF). Even 2nd gens and children born in such an ego driven culture of five decades have been leaving for other churches.

Love one another, love your neighbor as yourself, love your enemy surely includes loving those who have left and moved on from UBF.

Will you share your pain of leaving UBF? To those still in UBF do you feel the pain of our brothers and sisters who have moved on from UBF? Or are you just upset that they left or that their public (and private) comments are upsetting and uncomfortable to you?

By the providence of God, a priest had just parked near the man and was getting out of his car to catch his flight. But when the priest saw the bloody man, he quickly walked to the other side of his car so as not to be seen by him. Then by chance, a youth pastor showed up; but he also avoided the injured man, running past him to catch his flight.

Then a few minutes later, a gay man, traveling home to his husband after a business trip, parked in the open spot near the dying man. As soon as he saw the man’s condition, his heart went out to him. He called 911 and reported the incident. Knowing he had a first aid kit in his car, the man quickly went about stopping the bleeding with the help of the 911 operator– disinfecting and bandaging the man’s wounds. When he learned the ambulance would take nearly 30 minutes to get to the airport garage and that the dying man did not have that much time, the gay man told the 911 operator he would drive the man to the hospital on the airport campus. So he helped the bleeding man into his car, and drove him to the nearest hospital. The gay man stayed to make sure the paperwork was filled out and the man was taken care of, since the man’s identification had been stolen with his wallet. In the evening, the gay man called his husband and told him the situation. They both agreed he should stay all night and make sure the man was ok in the morning. In the morning he took out some cash and a credit card, and gave them to the hostpital, saying, ‘Take good care of him. If it costs any more, put it on my card.”

“What do you think? Which of the three became a neighbor to the man attacked by robbers?” “The one who treated him kindly,” the religion scholar responded. Jesus said, “Go and do the same.”

[This is how Jesus’ words sound to me in 2015]

When I was 4 I asked my mother how I didn’t know I was living in a dream. She stood confused, contemplating the question herself. I don’t remember what her answer was, unfortunately. But this question has been asked several times throughout the ages. For me my eventual answer was “Dreaming feels different.” I want to use this to springboard to a related topic. How do you know you are brainwashed?

Dreaming is a lot like brainwashing. To be clear, when I say brainwashing- the term immediately implies that the idea trying to be pushed onto you is false. You cannot brainwash someone into believing Jesus is the son of man, you can brainwash him into thinking Jesus is man’s sun. The claim of brainwashing gets thrown back and forth a lot. I have heard ex UBF members tell me UBF will brainwash me, and I have heard UBF members tell me ex UBF members will brainwash me.
The problem with the brainwashing narrative is that it ignores that people can think. Dr. Ben can no more turn me away from UBF than he can tell me that the sun is pulled by chariots from dawn to dusk. I struggled a lot with this topic of brainwashing when I first read things from people. How do I know? I would say that it is easy to test if you are in a dream. Do something you cannot normally do. Many times when I have nightmares I wake up just enough so that I can change them. Suddenly I can do anything I want. If you think you are being brainwashed then my advice is to change something and see what happens. Do you think there are hidden rules? Break them, see what happens. If you can change the dream, it’s not a dream to you. Otherwise it might take a while to wake up. Cs Lewis remarks that we cannot fit the waking world into the dreaming world, but we can vice versa

“This is how I distinguish dreaming and waking. When I am awake I can, in some degree, account for and study my dream. The dragon that pursued me last night can be fitted into my waking world. I know that there are such things as dreams: I know that I had eaten an indigestible dinner: I know that a man of my reading might be expected to dream of dragons. But while in the nightmare I could not have fitted in my waking experience. The waking world is judged more real because it can thus contain the dreaming world: the dream world is judged less real because it cannot contain the waking one.”

Does your life fit into the church and its doctrines? Or does your church and its doctrines fit into your life? The distinction seems necessary.

A Duty to Pray for hurting parts of the Body

1 Corinthians 12 has been a huge part of my recovery from pain suffered while in the body of Christ. Paul’s words in chapter 12 came to mind again this week as I heard about some horrible abuses going on in a ubf chapter. We are one body in Christ. This sentence stands out to me: “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored,all rejoice together.” 1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV

If one chapter of a church is hurting, should not the entire church care about it? Should not we who are members of the Body pray for hurting people in the Body? This week, New York UBF is hurting. Please pray for them.

A Courageous Blog Post about Light

I recently pointed readers to a blog series that began expressing the pain and exposing the abuse at New York ubf. Here is that link. Like me in Toledo ubf, my friends in New York left the ministry and decided to “blog out” their pain and difficulties. The link is now gone.

Threats and More Pain

The chapter leaders at New York ubf have been pressuring my friends to shut down this ubfriends website. When the abuses came to light, my friends were additionally threatened with vague scare tactics such as “watch your family members lives” and other threats meant to instill fear and to silence their words. My friend removed his blog posts due to these threats.

Please pray for these friends and the New York UBF chapter. This incident exemplifies the “apologize for what” very well. I hope you can see that far more than an apology is needed. Repentance is required.

Oh and to any ubf leader who wants to make threats, make them to me. In the infamous words of Ben Toh, I can only say “Go ahead. Make my day.”

Last time I had an argument with my wife, I was confident I was right and she was wrong. I had been wrong many times before. But I was sure this time I was right. And I felt I had right to raise my voice and correct her. Unfortunately, she did not think so and went to the bedroom and closed the door behind her and lied down and did not speak for a long time. I remained upset for sometime but then began to feel sorry for her and went to her and said, “I am sorry.” This type of incident has repeatedly happened for the last 33 years of our marriage. I am thankful that God has always given me strength and sense that I was able to say, “I am sorry” each time. It has always been I who said first, “I am sorry.” I have never demanded or wanted her to say, “I am sorry.” Just one time in our long 33 years of marriage, she actually said to me, “I am sorry.” I felt so sorry that she had to say that. I told her, “This will be the last time you ever say to me, ‘I am sorry.’

It is God’s grace to me that he has always given me strength to say, “I am sorry” first and not demand my wife to say, “I am sorry” to me. I am not sure how it began. It probably has something to do with the fact sometime in our marriage I began to have a keen sense how terrible I was as a husband and father and it often brought me to tears. I was only twenty four when I married my wife. I was really only a boy when I married her. And I had very few social skills. I was awkward. I never cared to understand others’ feelings especially women’s. I had four brothers and no sisters. I had a very few friends, if any, and definitely no girlfriends (It’s not that I never tried to get one but I was never successful.) until our marriage. I made numerous senseless mistakes as a husband. At the beginning of my missionary life I worked so zealously and sometimes worked at the UBF center until very late, 3 or 4 am in the morning. I remember more than once I did not carry my apartment key but rang the bell and woke up my wife to open the door for me (I don’t recollect how long and often I continued doing this terrible thing). As it was, my wife was already suffering from a lack of sleep because our first child wouldn’t sleep during the night and she had to go to work as a nurse 7am in the morning. There is a long list of incidents that show how terrible I was as a husband. And I won’t list them all. But my point is that I was a bad husband and by God’s grace I realized it. And since then it became natural I first say, “I am sorry.” I believe this one thing—saying first, “I am sorry,” has helped our marriage.

Somehow I believe the gospel of Jesus’ cross has something to do with ability to say, “I am sorry.” The cross of Jesus enables us to say, “God, I am sorry. I was wrong.” It’s not only that we say to God, “I am sorry.” Recently it occurred to me that when God sent his Son to die on the cross he might be in a sense saying to us, “I am sorry.” “My child, I am sorry you suffer in your sins.” “I am sorry you are addicted to that bad habit. You suffer too much.” I am not sure if this makes sense. But this thought gave me freedom and peace in my heart. I see a church member and she is not doing too well spiritually. I cannot do too much for her. I think to myself, “Young lady, you are suffering in your situation. I am sorry I am very limited in what I can do for you.” I can feel guilty about my inadequacy. But I can be still connected to her because I put the cross of Jesus between her and me. I walk down the street in my economically depressed neighborhood. There are so many problems in this neighborhood and the university I am ministering to. I feel so inadequate in ministering to people here. “O God, I am so weak and ineffective in reaching out to them with the gospel and with any help they need.” Only the cross of Jesus comforts me in my sense of inadequacy. Through the cross of Jesus I am still connected to these people for whom I am not doing too much at present.

At my UBF chapter we don’t have a cross hanging on any wall. Once I thought about putting up a beautiful cross on the front wall of the sanctuary. But having a cross on the wall won’t really help us much unless we as a church really live a life that reflects the cross of Jesus. “O God, we as a church are not doing too well. We are not doing well to the university students or the needy people in our neighborhood. Yet they are not strangers to us. We don’t hope that they will see us as indifferent strangers. The only thing connects between them and us is the cross of Jesus.” We don’t have a cross of Jesus hanging on a wall in our church. But we really have to live a life that reflects the cross of Jesus.

God has given me grace to have sense to say to my wife, “I am sorry,” whenever I realized that I made her sad or difficult in any ways. That has helped our marriage. How much more a church the body of Christ should say to one of our members, “We are sorry,” if we offended her or him in any way. They are the brides of Christ, whom he purchased with His precious blood. I am sad and heartbroken to offend my bride. How much more we should be if we offended the brides of Christ. Have we UBF offended or abused any of our members spiritually for the last 50 years of history? Are there signs that we have done? If there are, we as church must be ready to say, “We are sorry” and offer sincere apology to those who have been affected and find ways to rectify our mistakes and wrongdoings.

When I listened to Grace’s testimony about her struggle with her teacher and friends I realize clearly that for many people they view Christianity as just a system of morals. The position is that the bible is first and foremost about ethics, and there is an idea that Jesus should be transcended in favor of the ethics he gives. At least that is their position. This is why you hear all this rubbish about Jesus being a good moral teacher. This idea was present with my friend Ali I had dinner with last week. He struggles with atheism and feels like the world is meaningless. He wants to kill himself at times and experiments with drugs to try to find anything to help him find meaning. He used to be Muslim but after a year of evangelizing him he gave up Islam. But to my sadness instead of becoming Christian he became atheist. The other night we met for dinner and after an hour of conversation he admitted that it is easier to live with yourself as a Christian, but it is harder to be a Christian. Nevertheless he would not believe. His point was ultimately the same as Kant, religion is about ethics, and while he said he had no ethics, he then said he had ethics. So there was no problem for him. In the past when I read the bible I always thought of morality and ethics when I read “Repent.” I had been taught that it means turning away from a sin. But it means something more than that. Kant was wrong. Jesus says in Mark’s gospel “Repent and believe the good news.” The word ‘repent’ is the same as John the Baptist used. The word literally means “to go beyond the mind that you have”. As you recall from his sermon, the word used is metanoia. When I break a rule or violate my conscience I am called to go beyond the mind I have. But more than that, Jesus urges us to change our way of thinking and see the world that is coming. The priest said that morality is not the central theme of the New Testament. The theme is a coming of a new way of things. A paradigm shift to viewing things unseen that ends in Revelations 21 with the New Jerusalem. That is why St. Paul tells the Corinthians that the time is short. That is why the scriptures say that what matters is a new creation. Why all of Paul’s achievements are nothing, why he tells the Roman’s their deeds are nothing, why circumcision means nothing. The predominate message of the early church was nothing besides the resurrection of Christ. The transformation of this world into some more, something greater. The curse that Adam brought, death is in retreat. That is the message of repentance. To go beyond death, by dying so that Jesus might live inside you.

At the heart of it all is a choice. Repentance requires a decision. We need Christ’s help to make this decision.To repent, to go beyond one’s mind is a choice. It is faith to step out into the unknown and depend on God. The forerunners to my culture believed that a man is his own master. The American dream is at its core the idea that I control my destiny. But as Kierkegaard states, when man is dependent on God, he is independent. When I make a choice I exclude all other choices. And the choice to repent excludes non repentance, and while this seems easy to understand, I constantly feel like I want it both ways. I want to repent but not really change anything. And while John says “The kingdom of heaven is near.” Jesus says “you are not far from the Kingdom”. Jesus helps me, and when I am unwilling he helps me become willing. I think of all that he has done for me and all that I have done by his power and grace and I am confident in his might. I can do all things though Christ who strengthens me. Let me go beyond this mind I have and take up my place with children of God. There is room for another at the foot of the cross.

Here are some ideas so far:

1. Forests list of topics
2. Joe’s Roland paper and the responses he got
3. The James and Rebecca Kim open letter series
4. The 50th Anniversary blue book lectures

Thoughts? What do our silent readers want to read?

A succinct definition of spiritual abuse

“Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person. It often involves overriding the feelings and opinions of another, without regard to what will result in the other person’s state of living, emotions or spiritual well-being.”

A friend’s response. I posted What is Spiritual Abuse? on Facebook and received many interesting comments. Then I emailed a friend who has been in UBF for several decades to read and share what he thought of the article. I appreciated his prompt and honest response to me. So I asked him and he gave me permission to share it. Here it is:

Yes, I read it or rather skimmed it. Church abuse is an important issue. But as of now it’s not my focus. My logic is this: It would make no sense if the North Korean government pours its resources into the problem of obesity, because most people have no food to eat.

Similarly, western churches and American churches suffer from spiritual malnutrition; they are not being fed well spiritually or they refuse to be fed. Yes, the abuse of power and authority in American churches does exist like at Mars Hill and UBF. But it does not alarm me as much as a lack of zeal and a lack of spiritual power and spiritual authority to preach the gospel and to reach out to people for Christ—even while they make dumb mistakes like in UBF or Mars Hill.

Maybe it is just me. I may change in the future. Right now I don’t want to be involved in these issues of abuses in the church as much you may want me to–not because it’s not important but because my focus is on evangelism and discipleship, which I believe is far more important.

We all need each other. When we have an urgent task in front of us we cannot be picky about what instruments we use. We need people to work for the same cause of evangelism that God gave us all as Christians. We just have to work even with the second class or third class instruments like UBF.

While we try to fix the problem of spiritual abuse, we must be winsome in going about it. The leaders may not work with us on our terms but on theirs. But why does it  matter if we have to tackle the urgent common task of reaching people for Christ that is before us?

I hope you will understand me. But if you personally feel that you should deal with abuse issues in the church, go ahead. That’s your call.

Instead of responding to him, I thought that it may be better if others chimed in graciously.

On “the UBF side,” there are countless reports over five decades of just how wonderful UBF is and how much UBF missionaries gave up their beloved homeland and family in order to suffer and sacrifice endlessly for world campus mission sparing no cost. But the UBF side does not mention anything bad or any wrongdoing. They also usually have much anger, displeasure and a defensive and offensive posture whenever anything bad is brought up regarding UBF.

On the other side–“the side hurt or abused by UBF”–there are detailed explanations as to just how bad, dishonest, abusive, elitist, and/or controlling UBF has been throughout the world. But understandably they have difficulty mentioning the good of UBF because of having been lorded over for decades, oppressed and subjugated by the foreign missionary culture, gossiped about, caricatured, and spoken ill of by some UBF leader who often denies wrongdoing or claims misunderstandng or miscommunication if ever directly confronted.

Sadly, but understandably, both sides have had much difficulty to genuinely listen to and empathize with “the other side,” since both sides are often deeply hurt and also deeply entrenched on their own side. The hurt seems to come primarily from feeling betrayed (the UBF side) or feeling taken advantage of–often for decades (the other side).

Brian, however, in announcing his upcoming new ventures and adventures, thanks UBF for three things in his last post:

1. for 15,000+ hours of reading and sharing about the Bible,
2. for his wife, and
3. for UBF people being there for him when his dad passed away in 1989.

Bad. Those who have read UBFriends are likely familiar with “the bad of UBF” that has been written and commented on by numerous persons on numerous occasions from numerous countries and continents over the last four years. Notably the issues are primarily related to authoritarianism, spiritual abuse and control in the name of shepherding and “spiritual order,” lack of transparency, dishonesty (basically lying), unhealthy and oppressive dependent relationships, no accountability of leaders, “marriage by faith” used as a political tool to benefit one’s own ministry and to control and “train” singles (but not second gens of long-standing leaders and missionaries — according to some), etc.

Good. Yes, the bad is unpleasant to state and read, especially by the UBF side. What about the good of UBF? I have personally experienced them, which I know without a doubt is entirely the hand of God that choose to bless me through UBF, amid the bad.

My mystical conversion happened after I began 1:1 Bible study in 1980 with a missionary doctor in Chicago. I became a Christian after just 2 lessons of Genesis Bible study.

I married the best woman by being introduced to her by Samuel Lee 6 months after I began Bible study and joined UBF. I married her 4 months later. I know without a doubt that if not for UBF I would not be married.

A very happy UBF chapter. Though I never thought of being a preacher or starting a church, by God’s grace through a series of interesting events, God enabled me to be both a preacher and start a church in my fifth decade of life, which is quite unusual. I explained how West Loop UBF began in 2008. We became a very happy UBF church. This is a synopsis of our liberating West Loop experience from 2008 to 2014.

Oops. As I wrote this, I suddenly remembered that I had previously written something similar: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of UBF. Sorry for rehashing some similar points.

Is it hard to share both the good and bad of UBF? Is it easier to share either just the good or just the bad?

I felt proud to be an American

Kyle is played brilliantly by Bradley Cooper, who impressively put on 30 lbs of solid muscle, since Kyle was a buff Navy SEAL (Sea, Air and Land).

The movie focuses on Kyle’s four tours of Iraq, approximately nine months each, that totaled about 1,000 days. It also dramatically shows the toll it took on him and his family, especially on his wife Taya, in between and after his four tours. She had to take care of their two children by herself, while wondering if he would make it home alive during each of his four tours when he was away in Iraq.

The reason I found the movie rather moving is because it dramatically showed Kyle’s conflict between serving the country he loves and being with his wife and two children. After three tours of Iraq, his wife tearfully and earnestly pleaded with him to not go back for another tour, since he has already served his country enough. But Kyle said, “My country still needs me.” His wife said, “But I and our children need you too!” As much as he was torn and wanted to stay with his family, he decided to go back for a fourth tour of nine months.

After his return from his last tour the movie showed him suffering from symptoms of PTSD. When a psychiatrist saw him at the VA, Kyle was asked if he ever had any doubts about killing at least 160 people. Kyle said (seen repeatedly in countless trailers) in one of the most memorable lines of the movie, “I am willing to meet my Creator and answer for every shot that I took.” He said these words not with bold triumphant confidence but with eyes that showed his inner pain and brokenness. He knew that he had to kill them (including a woman and a young boy carrying a bomb), for if he did not, they would have killed countless American troops.

As is well known, after Kyle retired from being a SEAL he decided to help and mentor soldiers who returned from Iraq with PTSD. When he was helping one such traumatized soldier, Kyle and another friend was killed by him. The movie ended with actual footage of his funeral procession as an American hero.

American Sniper is poised to become the top grossing film of 2014. It has broken the box office record for January and it will soon beat out the current top two movies of 2014, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay and Guardians of the Galaxy.

I’ve also read some negative critical comments about the movie, which is to be expected. But as a movie that focused primarily on one person and his family, I thought it was exceptionally well done.

In conclusion, Kyle played a Christ-type figure who gave his life for the country he loved. If you’re seen the movie, do share your thoughts.

The thought is merely this: thank you. Thank you ubf and my shepherds for the following three things. Your ministry needs big-time help, to be sure, and my recovery from undue religious influence is not over. But I have reached the point where I can say thank you and leave it at that.

15,000+ hours

I deeply appreciate the time spent reading, discussing and sharing about the bible. That is not a lifestyle for everyone, but I enjoyed that aspect.

A suitable helper

I do not condone faith-arranged-marriage, and have much work to do now that my wife and I realized we are actually married after 20 years, but I do highly appreciate the suitable helper teaching from Genesis. This is a correct exegesis of those passages as far as I am concerned.

Being there in tragedy

My father’s passing away in 1989 was tragic. I am glad many people at ubf were there for me.

Grace and peace,
BrianK.

“Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter I do not regret it.”

2 Corinthians 7:8-10 “Even if i caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it- I see that my letter hurt you but only for a little while. Yet know I am happy not because you were made sorry but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets. But worldly sorrow brings death.”

KV “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets.” 2 Cor 7:10

When we think about suffering and sorrow many Christians shy away from the topic. Images of starving children and broken hearted widows abound. Today’s message is on the topic of suffering. I picked the topic because a wise man once told me that if a lay person is to give a sermon, it is best if they give the message exactly where they are in their walk with the Lord. So where am I at with the Lord? Yesterday Hope and I went ice skating. Afterwards she asked me how I saw the gospel in our ice skating. I told her “I let you fall because otherwise you would have never learned.” This is the first use of suffering, to allow a person to succeed they must be allowed to fall. We can see that in this way suffering is a prerequisite to the goodness of God. In his love he allows us to fall because otherwise we cannot move forward to Him. We are fallen, and we fell after God in his love gave man free will, a free will that was needed for love to have any meaning. So we find that suffering produces perseverance, so that we might love and be loved.

The second purpose of suffering is one parents are all too familiar with. A parent who has repeatedly warned a child will often say “Fine. Learn the hard way.” Suffering is when our heavenly father says “Fine. Learn the hard way.” God uses suffering to shatter that illusion that we like to create for ourselves. The illusion that says “I am sufficient without you God.” Of course “there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” (Pro 16:25) and a very wise and common rebuke by church elders is not to love the gifts of God more than God himself. Truly created things have kept me from God, yet if they had not been in Him they would have not been at all. Nevertheless our God hates idols. He destroys idols. Christ zealously destroys our idols, calls, shouts to us in our deafness. He shines with such radiance that even in our blindness we see him. Like the sun at noon all shadows fade. Suffering awakens us to the fact that any creation is inferior to its creator. The most beautiful masterpiece can never be called a child of God. I like to think of a poor man who made a beautiful masterpiece. Years after his death his art was remember and cast high in the opinion of mankind. But the man was a Christian, and so to God he was his child and the masterpiece nothing more than a passing thought. Moreover when we establish an idol over God he breaks that idol with suffering. “He who is exalted will be humbled, he who is humble will be exalted.” So sufferings come to good and bad men in the same way, but even though the suffering is the same the sufferer is different. The Godly are brought closer to God through their suffering. The worldly and wicked become more desperate. As the unholy see all their idols destroyed they become worse and worse. After putting all their stake in becoming educated they feel unfulfilled so they place their worth in finding an attractive spouse. When they find this does not fulfill them, they look for more money and on and forth. They keep trying to fill the spot in their heart that was made for the living God. Every time the idol fails to bring about fulfillment they feel sorrowful. In the end this sorrow leads to death. We find that suffering is like a hammer. It can be used to build up or teardown. Christ builds us up. Unlike idols he never fails. As Christ suffered our sufferings ought to become like His. As we become like him we take our place as sons and daughters of God. Indeed the son of God became the son of man so that the sons of men might become the sons of God. Amen. Admittedly, suffering doesn’t get a lot of praise. People liken suffering to death. Afterall, the wages of sin are death. But the cross turns death into a victory. In a sardonic turn of events we find that death leads to life, and as the passage today assures us that suffering ultimately leads to salvation. Salvation! That’s the gospel right there. How can you expect to be like Christ of you never carry a cross. How can you be like Christ if you never put the will of the Father before yourself? We consider that our present sufferings are not even worth comparing with the future glory of God. This is what was meant by verse “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regrets.”

Now that we have an understanding of what suffering is, why it exists, and how it’s relevant to the gospel; the next question is how any of this relates to us day to day. You may agree with all I have spoken- but might think it to be impractical musing. With the understanding that suffering is for our benefit we might now address how this should look in our lives. I admit that there is a difference between knowing a path and waking it, and that I often fail in what I am about to say. But I am convinced of its truth. The truth is this: Godly suffering is for the sake of others. Christ did not suffer for his own sake, but for the sake of everyone else. Abraham when be left everything behind suffered, but ultimately he blessed all nations. Mary suffered indignation and the possibility of death when she became pregnant as a virgin, but birthed a savior. Stephan was stoned for the truth, but his death led Paul to later become a powerful witness to the gentiles. Godly suffering is for the sake of others. As such sufferings should lead us to continually love our neighbor. This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. We should strive to have a spirit of sacrifice even when we feel down and out. When you find yourself suffering under the stress of school or work, when you find yourself being persecuted by those who hate you because you will not conform to the pattern of this world, when you struggle with your spouse or co-worker. Never stop loving others. Never stop sacrificing for others. The Apostle John testifies that your sacrifice will not be in vain. “The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” And what is the will of God? To love one other. Jesus says “A new command I give you: love…” As you love and suffer God will never leave you, he will never forsake you. Job testified admits his suffering “If only there were someone to arbitrate between us, to lay his hand upon us both, someone to remove God’s rod from me so that his terror would frighten me no more.” Unlike Job we now have Christ the Lamb of God, worthy. Let his light shine on us so that we might shine upon others. Let us suffer so that we might become like Christ. His grace transforms us. Redeems us. His love never leaves us. As the apostle says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When you struggle remember that Christ suffered more. He could have came down from cross. But he didn’t. So I am asking you, I am begging you, I commanding you: struggle until end, never giving up because Christ never gave up on us.

But there is also a side of Islam that we can not easily go and pass by – or even ignore. What about my Muslim neighbor, my acquaintance who practices his religion and remains a peaceful man or woman? Do I dare to befriend him/her, or even talk about faith? Am I ready to confess and testify God’s love before that person? Am I willing to know some principles of Islam in order to be able to respond in a more detailed way? Am I willing to trust God instead of just trying to get away from contact with Muslims?

Being from Germany, I am confronted with a society that houses many Muslim immigrants, as well as experiencing that the Christians in my surroundings are very often not interested in the subject of Muslim-Christian dialogue. Many Christians have doubts about it because they see it as either superficial (because it just enhances where we are “same”) or dangerous (because it can produce quarrels).

In fact, Youtube is full of examples that show us how a dialogue like that should not be held. There are so many bad and unhelpful examples. Still, there is something that i found different and very interesting. Since 2005, the “University of Wollongong, Campus Dubai” holds Muslim-Christian dialogue sessions, incited by students and carried out by two speakers – one representing the Muslim, the other representing the Christian view.

The 2013 dialogue between Rev. Tabibti Anayabwile and Imam Dr. Shabir Ally was particularly interesting. The topic of that session was:

How can we find forgiveness from a Holy God?

1.) both speakers respect each other (in this case, are good friends) and respect God
2.) they strictly keep to the subject in all they say about the Bible and the Qur’an
3.) the topic is relevant for every human that seeks God
4.) they agree to disagree at the end – and dismiss the session by telling the audience to research more on the topic and being / becoming responsible believers

Here is the trailer on Youtube:

If this makes you feel interested, just type “Dubai dialogue 2013 Christian” into Google and you will get the full session in Videos, each video has a duration of about 10-15 mins

I would be happy for some feedback on this topic!

I am enjoying reading Richard Rohr’s book Everything Belongs. His point is as the title says: Everything—both sin and righteousness, bad and good, wrong and right—belongs. But this is generally not how we think.

We think the former (sin, bad, wrong) does not belong in the scheme of God. So we thrash those bad aspects in ourselves–usually by not talking about it, or being blind to it, or by pretending that we are not that bad. We also thrash those bad aspects in others often by denouncing them for being bad, as though there is no bad in ourselves.

Here’s a “bad is wrong” mindset from a recent UBF report that says, “Asia is like a spiritual wasteland and is full of idol worshipers…” Doesn’t the one who wrote the report not realize that the church can also easily become a spiritual wasteland of Pharisees and be full of those who worship their own church rather than be loving and embracing toward idol worshipers, as Jesus was? Interestingly, Jesus’ most piercing and stinging rebuke was not to the prostitute (who did “wrong”) but to the Bible experts and Bible teachers (who did “right”)!

 
This story illustrates Rohr’s point and the theme of Everything Belongs:

Alcoholics tell me, “It was the worst possible thing. I ruined my marriage and lost my job and hurt my kids. It doesn’t make a bit of sense, but it is the greatest thing that ever happened to me — that I was a drunk.” An old drunk says alcoholism was the greatest gift God ever gave him… Logically that doesn’t make any sense, but theo-logically it does. What a shame that he lost his marriage and hurt his kids. He wishes he could undo it. But because of that experience, his heart was finally broken open. Now he can go back to his wife and children with compassion and freedom. Isn’t that better than so-called “doing it right” and becoming more rigid, self-righteous, and ignorant with each passing year? I admit it is a great mystery and a profound paradox.

 

A lot of people have done it “all right.” But when you look at them you say to yourself, “If that’s salvation, I don’t know that I want to be saved.” If those are the people in heaven, I don’t want to go there! Is that what heaven is going to be like? A bunch of superior people who tell you when you’re wrong all the time? Is that the life Jesus promised? That can’t be it.

 

On the other side, you meet these little souls who have been eaten up and spit out by life. Yet their eyes shine.

Finally no longer constipated. A personal story that comes to mind is when I clearly did “wrong” by losing $1,000,000 to a con-man in 2005. I badly traumatized my entire family, especially my wife. But strangely it was also one of the greatest things that happened to me. I became “unconstipated.” I discovered in a new, fresh and real way what I already knew: God has always loved me and continues to love me (Jer 31:3)! Since then our marriage has never been better and my wife and I have never been happier, I think…

Does it make sense that “right is bad and wrong is good”? Do you have a “right is bad and wrong is good” story?