This week, I reread search16’s testimony about UBF, and this bit in particular caught my attention: “While I lived in common life, I was always under a lot of pressure to conform to UBF standards, and I never felt good enough, so I honestly remember many nights of hopping into my car after testimony sharing and wanting (sometimes trying) to crash my car into a wall.” Yes, testimony sharing, [called “sogam” in the past or more recently “reflection writing”] — the weekly ritual of sitting through three or four hours of identical, pre-written reflections on the same message.
Are you a lukewarm Christian?
While I was in UBF, this practice was often praised as something that set the ministry apart from the “lukewarm” mainstream evangelical world. Yet, rereading this passage has prompted me to take a closer look at testimony sharing, as search16’s comments resonate deeply with my own (and I suspect many others’) personal experiences in UBF. Reflective of UBF as a whole, the testimony sharing ritual can have a very destructive, manipulative and unbiblical influence on its participants.
The pressure’s on!
The key to the intensely emotional effect of testimony sharing is pressure. The process of writing a testimony actually has very little to do with the passage of scripture being studied. Rather, the main focus is on how the “shepherd”—that is, the discipler coaching the lower-class “sheep”—superimposes the passage onto the sheep’s life to coerce him or her into submission.
The various pressures exuded on sheep include to denounce their “old lives”, to work harder at UBF activities to secure God’s favor, and to give up “pleasures” (which can include almost any normal activity that interferes with UBF). Then, no matter how difficult or painful these directions may be, the sheep is expected to write them down in his or her own “testimony” and share them publicly in front of a group of peers. Thus, Friday night testimony sharing becomes, essentially, four hours of grueling emotional onslaught, with each sheep’s “confession” of disobedience compounding the guilty feelings of everyone in the room.
Feelings of depression and fits of crying are common at these meetings. High-ranking shepherds usually dismiss these bouts: “they are being moved to tears by the Word of God.” Yet, the tears are usually not in response to God’s grace, but from the overwhelming emotional burden.
Two examples from my own experience
First, there was a young, single mother in my fellowship group who had only recently started sharing testimonies. Yet, almost every week, she would break down in tears as she read about how it was God’s will for her to cut down any time she spent with her infant son in order to go “fishing” for Bible students.
As another example, a Korean woman would always tear up when she had to admit that everything about her “old life”—her culture, her family relationships, her dreams—was completely worthless and ought to be thrown away.
Destructive, Yet Oddly Addicting
If these meetings are so emotionally traumatizing, why do shepherds and sheep continue to insist, sometimes with great excitement, on their merits? The answer lies with emotional volatility: the extreme level of negative pressure and depression brews the perfect recipe for intense emotional experiences.
Consider a sheep who feels terrible for 95% of the meeting. This causes wild changes in body chemistry: heartbeat quickens, adrenaline spikes, hormones rage. The result is an extremely intense, almost meditative, emotional state. I remember some meetings during which I would do little more than stare at my feet as the speakers presented, bathing in the sea of weird emotions that the atmosphere bred. Then, in that single moment where the sheep does the “correct” thing—admits that one sin, gets praised by the chapter director, cracks an awkward but successful joke—there is an equally strong emotional experience on the other end of the spectrum.
When one is finally released from a testimony sharing meeting, the effects linger, either in the form of intense relief or relentless distress.
Repeat this ritual for months or years and it can be almost addictive. The problem with this result is that it is the perfect storm for emotional manipulation. Now, there is nothing necessarily wrong with emotional experiences; tent revivals are a great example where very emotional services have furthered the gospel and edified Christians. The problem is that this controlled emotional state is reproduced every week, along with the same repetitive demands to submit to UBF praxis. In technical terms, this is “thought control”: a repetitive dictation of what and how to think accompanied by intense, addictive, and mentally binding emotional experiences.
This same practice—with different vocabulary of course—has been used by cult groups like the ICC, the Moonies, and even manipulative government regimes for years; it’s nothing new. What’s even more terrifying is that participants—even leaders—are rarely even aware of the nature of these practices.
Furthermore, the Bible warns against dependence on these kinds of emotional rituals. Remember Jesus’ words from the Sermon on the Mount:
Matthew 6:7: “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.”
The same applies to repetitive and increasingly long testimonies. Writing more words will not secure favor with God, and there is a particular danger in man’s attempts to artificially recreate intense experiences.
The Alternative
When I left UBF after testing all of these practices and finding them highly concerning, I chose to become a member of a friend’s church, and what I discovered about true Christian fellowship was a bit of a shock after all of my time in UBF. In community group, there is a sense of freedom and equality among all members—from the leader to the newcomers. The time is not spent monotonously repeating the Sunday message and generating an atmosphere of fear, but exploring ideas about faith, love, and discipleship through open discussion and prayer. We build each other up rather than tear each other down. We acknowledge the presence of God even in our day-to-day lives outside church activities.
More recently, a member was moved to tears during a meeting, but not the UBF kind of tears; rather than creating a mood of dread, it was genuine thankfulness for the grace of God. For some closing thoughts, my pastor told me not long ago that conviction from God never creates burden or stress. It is a “sweet” conviction; a freeing motion of the Spirit as God makes us aware about some flaw in our being. Jesus did not come to lay on us burdens and bring us inner conflict; “whoever the Son of Man sets free will be free indeed.”
Do these observations match your own experiences with testimony sharing? How can you see these processes played out in other practices? How can we both as individuals and as a Church watch out for these practices in our own communities? Can “testimony sharing” be redeemed into something that is healthy?
I experienced a lot of what you speak about in this article. I experienced pressure to write sogams every time I went to the Tuesday night testimony meeting. It was so obvious to everyone but me for the most part that something was wrong. An individual who will not be named and her “best friend” both were trying to inform me in their own way that something is wrong with this picture. I was taking a full load in college at the time and the tone from my former shepherd (mattC/Mr.C)was that of me turning my testimony into him was equivalent to a homework assignment. Saying “I want it by Thursday” speaking of the 2011 summer retreat to Colorado. After dropping my classes for the fall semester that year due to the constant pressure from my former shepherd among other issues I started distancing myself from him and planning my eventual departure.
I totally understand, Rocket. In UBF I remember considering testimonies more important than homework, and feeling guilty whenever I had to stay up late working on something else for class. So much for the theology of vocation, right? So grateful to be able to honor God in every area of my life now.
These are important observations, Hertoa. The dangers of testimony sharing are still hardly understood and talked about. You mention some of them, but I think it’s even worse.
First of all, the term “testimony sharing” is misleading, as all terms used by UBF. Just like “marriage by faith” or “housechurch”, it sounds biblical, since the word “testimony” is taken from the Bible and testimonies are given in other churches as well. But as you already pointed out, the testimonies given in normal churches are not mandatory weekly rituals and unlike UBF testimonies. They are usually similar to what UBF calls “life testimonies” (except the “UBF saved me and now I owe them” tone), and not shared regularly, even weekly, in public. They may be part of evangelization (not recruitment) instead. You just tell others how you found God. Their content is not mainly about how you failed about fulfilling the goals of the organization (recruiting new members). So I’d like to continue to call it “sogam sharing” to point out that it’s something UBF specific, something cult-like, and not the normal way of giving testimony.
The most dangerous aspect in my view is that it is a means for UBF to have members indoctrinate themselves. Instead of having to impose their ideas directly on the members from above (which they also do), this is a way of imposing the UBF ideas onto themselves and other members as if they were their own thoughts. This is so much more effective than direct indoctrination. When people believe these are their own ideas, they are so much more willing to accept them. They also don’t feel like being in a cult, but being in control over their own thoughts.
In addition to that, people feel bound and obliged to what they share in public. I.e. even if you don’t really believed the stuff when you wrote it down, you start to do when you publicly profess these views, to be consistent with yourself. The psychological mechanism works in two ways: You don’t only tend to say and do what you believe, but you also tend to believe what you say and do.
You’re also right in that the emotional atmosphere in the sogam sharing sessions helps in the process of self-indoctrination. It is another well-known psychological mechanism that learning things works better and deeper when they are accompanied by emotions. That’s also the reason why UBF regularly has their conferences, which create the highest amount of emotions.
However, in some chapters (like in mine) the sogam sessions where often dry and ritualistic, and few people took them seriously, particularly those who were long-time members already. They were a kind of obligation and weekly show of penitence and submission, but rarely long-time members shared deep and real feelings and sins. Still, these weekly sessions helped UBF since you not only learn through emotions, but also through repetition. By repeating the same stuff every week, and listening to dozends of people also repeating the same stuff, you cannot help but start believing these things to be true and “normal”. You start to accept unnormal ideas and way of talking as being normal.
I remember how in my first sogam sharing session I was shocked by noticing the conformity of the shared testimonies, even up to using the very same phrases and sentences. I was so appaled that I didn’t want to attend any more for a long time – and that even though it had only been a small meeting with 5 people or so. Later I learned to attend meetings with even more members and listening to these repetitions for hours, even several times per week. Before the conferences, we had weeks with testimony sharing every evening. One person also had to share his testimony (no, “sogam”) every morning.
The sogam sharing served other hidden purposes as well: Members were expected to write their sogams based on the lecture delivered by the director on Sunday, and they were even handed out that lecture in written form. This way the content of that Sunday message was implanted even stronger into the minds of the members. Your own thoughts or ideas from Bible commentaries came secondary.
Another aspect is the guilt tripping and shaming connected with sogam sharing. In our chapter we needed to end our sogams with a promise of what we wanted to achieve next week (usually a number of 1:1 or new recruits), and start it with an account of what we had achieved last week. (Yes, that was an official and explicit requirement demanded by our director.) Of course every week people failed in achieving what they promised, so we all lived in a constant feeling of guilt and unworthiness. This helped the director to exert control over us.
Another aspect is the subtle way in which it establishes a pyramid of authority. The point was that our chapter director always attended the meetings as a listener in order to pick up the current state of indoctrination of each member, but never delivered his own sogam. In that way, even the word “sharing” in “testimony sharing” is wrong, because sharing would be mutual. AS you already pointed out, contrary to other churches, in UBF relations were never mutual or on equal terms. By never delivering his own testimony, the director sent the message that he was exempt from the circle of guilt and confession, that he didn’t need to take part in that struggle because he was so much more spiritual. By creating this division between people who shared and people who didn’t (the director), the existing hierarchy was cemented.
The UBF mind control method consists of several components, and they all reinforce each other and make things worse than the sum of the individual components. Sogam sharing is one of the important and dangerous components that is often overlooked since people concentrate on the more obvious cult aspects like authoritarian abusiveness and arranged marriage.
Another thing I did when I broke from the bondage of ubf was to erase all of my documents of regurgitation, I will not call them testimonies because testimonies come from the heart if they are genuine. These ubf “sogams” are nothing more than the constant repetition on the said bible passage that is being not only misinterpreted but taken out of context all the while being used as a means to indoctrinate and ultimately control the members. Simply put the goal is mind control which is how cults work.
“used as a means to indoctrinate and ultimately control”
for leader/organizational benefit at the expense of individual damage; recovery involves further losses but leads to important gains
Thanks for this article Hertoa. Your thoughts are breathtaking and ring true with what I experienced every year from 1987 to 2011, and what I hear is still true today in 2016.
So many things I want to say in response… the way I process this stuff is with songs, especially breakup songs. I was “married” to UBFism and thus breakup songs speak for me.
Your article reminds me of this: I love it. This song expresses my feelings back in 2011 when I left ubf forever.
My commitment to all former ubf members remains unwavering: Stand by you
While reading this the image that popped up in my head was the one of all the K-dramas I’ve watched. They are so emotional and everyone is crying. I remember being at on meeting commemorating the 20th year anniversary of a certain chapter and one of the missionaries was weeping and looked like she would almost faint and I didn’t understand it. To this day I wonder what she was going on in her mind.
There is a lot about Korean culture that I don’t understand, but I have a feeling if you understand K-culture more, things in UBF will make more sense. K-dramas are so dramatic and emotional. But I guess all soap operas are…
The odd thing to me about testimonies was that they were always graded, at least mine were. My Bible teacher would listen carefully to see if I made any mistakes in my exegesis or logical fallacies. Instead of being a time to share and be listened to and heard. It was a time to be tested, tried and criticized. Easily the most painful time of my week. I still can’t believe I put up with it for so long.
“I have a feeling if you understand K-culture more, things in UBF will make more sense.”
Yes, understanding Korean things, such as the Korean values of loyalty and the Korean culture of avoidance, will explain UBF to a point. But then you are left with the oddities of UBFism. Such things can only be explained by understanding cult control methods such as thought-stopping, sleep deprevation, gaslighting, springboarding, etc. Those are not part of Korean culture, but part of cult systems.
When enough people realize these kinds of dangers, the group will not be able to sustain itself. This is evidenced by the financial decline of UBF. 3 of the last 4 years have been an operational loss and attendance continues to decline since 2008: statistics
Thanks, Hertoa. In 2013 I wrote about a decision I made one morning in 2007 to stop entirely what I had been doing every single week without fail for 27 years!: http://ubfriends.net/archive2015/2013/07/09/im-done-writing-testimonies/index.html#sthash.22IqyBkZ.dpuf
“Sharing appropriately with boundaries means sharing with people with whom we’ve developed relationships that can bear the weight of our story (pg. 46).”
Daring Greatly, Brene Brown
In Brown’s book she acknowledges that one of the myths of vulnerability means that “everything hangs out.” This is a myth because confessing sins to each other (James 5:16) doesn’t mean at a meeting before a lot of people or randomly meeting someone for the first one saying, “Hi, my name is Bob. My deepest struggle is…”
The critique I have of “testimony sharing” aka corporate shaming/cry fest/ worm theology galore/etc. is that you are sharing the most vulnerable parts of you with people who don’t really know you. I remember being at a conf about someone confessing a very explicit violent sin and I did not feel that that was the right time or place for that. People must earn the trust and the right to hear about your life.
Actually i see it slightly differently. Sharing the most vulneable parts with with people who don’t really know me can even be helpful sometimes, just like having a neutral person to listen to you and give feedback. The wrong part comes in when you are forced to do so in front of an audience. Testimony sharing and counseling should not be mixed.
Who thinks that high school students confessing their masturbation habits in public testimonies in front of everyone is normal? Apparently, the leaders in one East Coast UBF chapter did, as recently as 2013.
@Libby
Hi, I think the difference between a counselor who doesn’t know you is different from a member of a church who doesn’t know you. A counselor has invested in to you and received training in how to deal with the vulnerabilities and confessions of those who they counsel. So often lay people try to be “counselors” and end up spreading gossip and more harm.
But you’re right, an objective third party can be necessary for reconciliation. I value having a mentor to talk about family issues I have, when I can’t discuss them with my family.
I really just wanted to remain silent, but I will add regarding the destructive yet addictive element here.
Personal testimony or reflective time is not really that uncommon among most congregations. However, the importance on the structure varies, especially among groups who claim to be evangelizing. The testimony in its basic purpose I believe most people can accept – the difference that Jesus has made in your life. But, we know that UBF has a formula approach….and at conferences….remember to write testimony. Did you meditate? Did you sweat? Who did not write a testimony based on the lecture they heard?
Isn’t it funny that we ought to write a testimony about a lecture? Shouldn’t the testimony be focused on the word of God alone?
In my experiences the testimony or reflection has been beneficial to myself and others at the personal level. Really sitting down with a Bible passage and letting it sink in. I can understand the appeal and how it can become quite addictive. The meetings, however, are mind numbing and frankly I always wanted to hear new people. I wanted to hear new people because they most often broke the mold and style. Their objective was not polished as were the senior leaders or even mine at times.
The addiction for an aspiring UBF shepherd can come from the need for security, approval and acceptance in the group. My first couple of years attending I did witness public and violent rebukes a couple of times. This however ended as UBF’s image was attempting to be more tolerant in hopes of hooking more young students.
The destructive nature clearly comes from the inbuilt formula of a UBF testimony. (Passage – I was bad/sinned/failed – I repent and recommit myself to campus mission.) Who can live this lie forever? The ritual attendance of a senior audience and a student performer is bad enough. Listening to the poor attempts at capturing the message a million times becomes meaningless. Where is God’s word? No, really! God’s word in its purity rarely exists. It is mostly the UBF imposed understanding of the passage.
Chris often used the example of SL’s comment “getting the garbages out” and I believe it is appropriate to say that is how testimony continues to evolve. The most moving testimonies I hazard to say were the early untarnished and instinctive moments that we all had in preparing a testimony. As time grew on we were molded and in some cases told what to say and how to say it. We voluntarily imitated the style and conformed. In every case we all attempted to emulate the Sunday message while keeping it personal on how we could make better accomplishments in our shepherd life. I was once asked by the director to target 4 pages minimum as per message preparations.
Testimony of what Jesus has done for me is fine – testimony that I may recommit to UBF is not okay. UBF has an annoying habit of a weekly check on the relationship status. Testimony is not so much about how much you love Jesus, but rather it is about how much you love UBF. It is a perfect example of being in a needy relationship. But UBF fails to love you back.
UBF sogam (*) sharing is just classical Lifton Cult of Confession stuff. When Lee-Barry devised it, they were channeling not their Inner Hitler, but their Inner Mao. From https://culteducation.com/brainwashing19.html:
The cult of confession can offer the individual person meaningful psychological satisfactions in the continuing opportunity for emotional catharsis and for relief of suppressed guilt feelings,… More than this, the sharing of confession enthusiasms can create an orgiastic sense of “oneness,” of the most intense intimacy with fellow confessors and of the dissolution of self into the great flow of the Movement. And there is also, at least initially, the possibility of genuine self-revelation and of self-betterment through the recognition that “the thing that has been exposed is what I am.”
But as totalist pressures turn confession into recurrent command performances, the element of histrionic public display takes precedence over genuine inner experience. Each man becomes concerned with the effectiveness of his personal performance,…
(*) Sorry, I will not call them testimonies because they are not testimonies.
A current member of my old chapter contacted me yesterday and shared an encounter he had with his shepherd. I think we’re all very familiar with these experiences. The shepherd kept repeating, “It’s your decision, I don’t want to tell you what to do,” but then directly contradicted himself and spent twenty minutes lecturing and coercing him to come to Friday sharing. The hitpoints were typical: put God first, stop being worldly, we will be persecuted and hated, give up your own desires, what do you think God wants? Etc. Etc. The pressure is still on.