One of the unique, extra-biblical (and, I would argue, unbiblical) practices of UBF is what they call “marriage by faith”. This statement supposedly means, “By faith, trust God to establish your marriage union.” What it actually means, however, is, “You don’t get to choose your partner. Your chapter director will decide for you, and you have to blindly accept that this is God’s will.” Often, people who hardly know each other or who have never met are partnered in this way. Ultimately, the goal of this arranged “marriage by faith” is not as much biblical marriage as a tool for solidifying the couples’ commitment to UBF doctrine.
Below, I have transcribed and commented on a typical statement of commitment that would be printed on brochures and read publicly at a UBF marriage ceremony. As you will see, it is illustrative of the many aspects of UBF doctrine and theology that stray from healthy, orthodox Christianity. The complete transcription can be read here: http://imgur.com/a/UBLcT
We thank God for his abundant grace in saving us from our old lives.
When reading the UBF statement of commitment, note the phrase “from our old lives”. In genuine Christian doctrine, God by His love and grace saves sinners from sin through the atoning work of Jesus Christ. No strings attached. In UBF doctrine, people are not saved from sin into relationship with God, but from the “old life” into the UBF life. This statement assumes that salvation does not mean the finished work of Christ as much as the ability to be in UBF. It is by God’s grace that we now have been able to start again. The implication by UBF however is that we have to start again as new creations in Christ, not with a focus on Jesus, but start again by wiping out everything from the “old life” including old hobbies, jobs, pursuits, family and friends, and focusing solely on the UBF life. (A UBFer would argue that to be a new creation in Christ is to be in UBF).
Because of his great mercy, he gave us new life where we can now serve him and worship him.
The phrase “he gave us new life” does not mean that God sealed believers with the promised Holy Spirit, regenerating them into communion with the God. “New life” actually means “a new life”, namely, “starting over” in UBF. We are eternally grateful for the great vision and mission he has given us. UBF loves to boast about being “mission-centered”. Everything about its doctrine—salvation, grace, atonement—must be connected to the UBF mission of one-to-one campus recruitment. In UBF, the goal is not the simplicity of contentment in Christ, but on fulfilling a glorious mission. To preach Jesus in UBF is to preach mission. Now, there is nothing wrong with having a passion for evangelism, but UBF makes recruitment the goal of Christian life rather than one of the results of Christian transformation.
The goal for the Christian should be Jesus, not mission, and the Christian does not and cannot reach Jesus via mission. Mission may come as a result of meeting Jesus. Moreover, if it is not already clear, UBF “mission” is not concerned about a person’s salvation, but rather on whether or not they remain in UBF and practice its doctrines. UBF shepherds rarely pray for salvation, but frequently pray for their sheep to “accept God’s calling” or “remain in the Promised Land (UBF)”.
Notice at this point that this supposed marriage commitment statement has focused exclusively on the importance of obeying UBFism. Remember that marriage in UBF is only an tool for keeping people submitted to the organization.
We are thankful for God’s guidance in establishing our marriage to serve his greater purpose.
This part of the statement reveals how UBF twists the biblical meaning of marriage. Nowhere is there a mention of marriage as a fundamental aspect of how humans bear the image of God (Genesis 1:27; Genesis 5:1-2; Matthew 19:4). Nowhere is there a mention of marriage as a joyful picture of Christ and the Church in harmony, joy and love (Ephesians 5:22-32). Nowhere is there a mention of marriage being primarily meant to bring comfort, joy and companionship (Genesis 2:18; Genesis 24:67; Proverbs 5:18; Song of Songs) and to provide a healthy environment for parents to focus on children (Malachi 2:13-15). Nowhere is there a mention of the importance of the partners’ families’ blessing (Genesis 24:51). This is because, in UBF, too much focus on enjoying marriage or raising children is seen as a sinful distraction from mission.
Members talk often in Friday meetings about how they spend too much time with their spouses or children, and how they need to repent. So, to support this flawed belief system, UBF ignores most of what the Bible says about the nature and purpose of marriage. Instead, UBF concocted the false idea the “marriage is all about mission” and carefully found ways to read it into the scriptures. Passages like Genesis 24 are twisted to support this false doctrine. The existence of this flawed way of viewing marriage has been one of the key ways that UBF manipulates people. The doctrine has enabled UBF leaders to marry young people to partners they barely know (which has resulted in depression and catastrophic relationship failures) without the blessing of the partners’ families (leading to increased tension and resentment), all of which further causes the victims to be unhealthily dependent on UBF. It has enabled UBF leaders to force couples to divorce unbiblically and even to force some women to have abortions.
As we embrace this new gift of marriage that God has given us, we hope to grow all the more in his grace and in the reflection of his image.
Honestly, this is the only barely acceptable sentence in this document. Marriage is a gift from God and it is a way for the couple to nurture one another lovingly in their relationship with God. If only “the reflection of his image” didn’t refer specifically to obeying UBF absolutely. We know that through building our marriage on the sure foundation of God’s will and vision for us that an abundantly fruitful and joyous life will follow. Building on the “sure foundation of God’s will and vision”? That is NOT a sure foundation. The only sure foundation is Jesus Christ himself: his life, his death, his atonement, and his resurrection. Building on UBF’s faulty idea of “God’s will and vision” means building on a foundation of personal effort. It means that the foundation is whether or not you can teach enough Bible studies or attend enough meetings or obey enough directions and, when you ultimately fail, your foundation disappears entirely and everything comes crashing down.
To build on Jesus is to build on stone: trusting in the sureness of His righteousness rather than the fleeting reliability of your own works. As if “God’s will and vision” is even “sure” in the first place; UBFers take it on faith that everything their shepherds tell them is “God’s will” without checking it against the truth of scripture, after all.
Our prayer and hope is that through our marriage we may become a source of blessing to many as we serve his mission wholeheartedly.
And I sincerely hope that—by God’s mercy—this may come true, though I know that, because of UBF’s incipient flaws, the opposite may actually be the case. “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Now remain in my love.” – John 15:9 The statement ends with this verse of scripture. Curiously, this verse probably doesn’t refer to the husband and the wife loving one another. In UBF, “remain in my love” means “remain in the ministry”. If you leave UBF, you can’t remain in Jesus’ love because UBF (somehow) IS Jesus’ love. Once again, the truth of the scripture is missed.
Do you have any musings about the purpose and the beauty of marriage? How else is it possible that we may miss the true importance of this age-old institution?
Spot on, Hertoa, spot on! Students and parents of students need to be aware of this as the new semester begins. That “one hour” sacrifice has a boat-load of sacrifice tied to it.
Since you are targeting the mission behind the marriage it would be interesting to get every married couple’s input on their marriage key verse. UBF loves key verses. A key verse for this and for that….and all of which to support the campus ministry mandate and life.
Ours was “Through him and for his name’s sake, we received grace and apostleship” Rom 1:5a
That is a marriage commitment to serve as campus shepherds.
What was your marriage key verse?
Yes, the marriage key verses… ugh. They also have marriage training key verses… Our arranged marriage verse was 1 Peter 2:9, since I was the poster-boy for KOPAHN.
Most arranged marriages I saw (at least 20 or so) had Romans 1:5 or Matthew 6:33 as key verses. We even made banners in Toledo for these verses.
And yes, we threw out our key verse banner. *gasp!*
The following quote brought the issue of domestic violence to my mind. “The doctrine has enabled UBF leaders to marry young people to partners they barely know (which has resulted in depression and catastrophic relationship failures)…”
Domestic violence occurs in arranged as well as non-arranged marriages. Husbands and wives can both be perpetrators, but it is mostly women who experience this kind of violence.
Here is what I observed about the issue at UBF. One day the missionary husband of a woman missionary beat her so severely that she had to be hospitalized. After this incident, several women missionaries discussed the situation in my presence. They stated that the wife would be sent back to Korea for a while to receive training so that she would learn how to properly co-work with her husband.
These ladies expressed no sympathy or concern for the abused woman. They seemed to feel that the husband was justified in beating his wife because she did not know how to submit to him.
The UBF organization seemed to view the incident the same way because only the wife received training while nothing happened to the husband who perpetrated the crime. He remained a leader at his chapter and probably hushed up the incident as was common in UBF.
Treating domestic violence by blaming the victim may not be typical for UBF in general. But I find it sad how cruelly the lady in this case was treated.
I observed and experienced a similar situation at a mainstream Baptist church. The senior pastor promoted a man to the position of deacon one week after he learned – by the man’s own admission – that he had been abusing his wife physically, emotionally, and verbally for years.
I find it shocking how some so-called Christian organizations treat domestic violence as no big deal, ignore it, cover it up, blame the victim, and even reward the perpetrators.
UBF leaders arranged my marriage to a man I barely knew, “which has resulted in depression and catastrophic relationship failures” as the quote states. I stayed in this situation for biblical and other reasons and it has improved over the years.
What I find most depressing, however, is the fact that my life is to a large extent the result of the decisions of strangers who did not have my best interests at heart. But I am slowly trying to reverse the damage that was done to me and make my own decisions based on faith in God who will teach me “the way that is good and right” (1. Samuel 12:23, NIV).
I have never personally experienced domestic abuse of any kind, but based on what I’ve read I’ve found it to be a sickeningly accurate picture of the spiritual (and other) abuse that happens in organizations like UBF. The love-bombing, the bait-and-switch, the emotional dependency… It is so important to be educated about these things, because they are seriously misunderstood by much of the broader culture and because of that thousands of people have no strong support systems.
I will never understand the kind of stigma about abuse in American churches. I mean, for heaven’s sake, Paul spends three times longer about the husband’s need to love sacrificially than he spends talking about the wife’s complement! Don’t you think that should make it clear that it’s not about *obedience* but about *harmony* and *balance*?
They miss the point entirely and carry around weird, cultural prejudices, supporting abusers who are actually breaking biblical principles and blaming victims who actually need their support. That’s one reason I’m happy to be in a church that takes abuse very seriously and does not pressure abused wives to remain in broken, destructive relationships. Also, the pastor of the Baptist church *promoted* that man? Way to brush off a sin rather than doing what’s necessary to care for your congregation, man.
And as for UBF, I’m sure that this kind of victim blaming is the norm as much as anywhere else, though at times it might be flipped if the wife is “loyal” to UBF and the husband is not. I wouldn’t know because I can’t think of specific examples.
“Our prayer and hope is that through our marriage we may become a source of blessing to many as we serve his mission wholeheartedly.”
This implies that they can only be a “source of blessing” if they “serve his mission wholeheartedly.” They are indoctrinated to think that personal and marital worth are dependent on their commitment to and success in UBF mission activities. What a perfect formula for unhappiness in life and marriage.
Also, for the n-th time to UBF: People are not a source of blessing; Jesus is our source of blessing. Your “may I be a source of blessing” teaching, based on a false reading of Genesis 12:2, is a source of your continued people-elevating idolatry.
Whoa, you are absolutely right. I haven’t thought about that doctrine yet since leaving UBF, but now that you’ve pointed it out it is a completely skewed reading of Genesis 12. When I was made to give messages at conferences, I was pressured over and over to pick a verse that solidified my “transformation”; everybody had to have “one word” that reached into their hearts. I never had that experience, but I caved into peer pressure and picked Genesis 12, because so many others picked it as well.
Perhaps this could be a new WikiShepherd article…? 😉
Indeed, the UBFism concepts of blessing and curse will be a WikiShepherd article. Why are they stuck in blessing/curse ideology? Well primarily because they are stuck in the Old Covenant. Their theology of sacrifice is in essence a slimmed down, Koreanized version of the Jewish sacrificial system. They need to hear the gospel of Jesus which liberates from such ideology.
The best word for this is Jesus’ own word in the Matthew 9 stories, especially Matthew 9:13.
Genesis 12:1-3 is a deeply misunderstood and dangerous passage the way UBF teaches it. Why did we all seek to leave our “father’s house”? It is mostly due to the bad teaching from Genesis 12. As college students living away from home for the first time, we are most susceptible to such teaching to “go to the land I will show you”.
I first believed UBF would train and send me as a Christian missionary because of this Genesis 12 teaching. But they never showed me any land.. they never sent me as a missionary. Oh yes they did “allow” me to go to Russia on a language exchange program with the University of Toledo. But this was 100% my doing.
They just blessed me on the journey when it was convenient to use my Russian trip to bolster their UBFism pride. When the missionaries realized I was SERIOUS about being a Christian missionary and that I was OBEYING the Holy Spirit, they quickly turned things around saying that I would be cursed if I went and was not qualified to go to Russia.
WholeNumber, “for the n-th time…” THAT sounds like an excellent blog title! Yes it is tiring at times to keep talking about the same things that UBFers just don’t get. People like Chris have “tirelessly” kept repeating and deepening our understanding. It is a struggle, but we “must speak absolutely” 🙂
Hertoa, I added “be a blessing” into the training strategy of the Wiki: http://wiki.ubfriends.net/index.php?title=UBF_Strategy
Here is my take on the practice of “marriage by faith” I believe it’s unbiblical because it goes against “free will”. We (human beings) were created with a sovereign will meaning we have the choice of what path we follow. In addition we (humans) have the choice to remain single or get married etc. I believe God has a plan for all of us that may include marriage for some singlness for others however we have to chose to walk in that path. I remember getting in some semi heated exhanges with my former shepperd as well as other ranking memebers of my local chapter because I am hesitant to get married besides I enjoy bachelor-hood. Simply put marriage is a covenant of love, honor and commitment between to willing parties. Meaning the husband chose his bride to be and vice versa. In short the marriage covenant is something that should not be taken lightly.
Even in the ancient middle-east culture that UBF supposedly holds to such high redeem, this was true. Arranged marriages, when they occurred, would usually be between families that were well acquainted. Engaged couples would have a full year to get to know one another, not being pressured to marry someone they barely knew out of the blue. But UBF ignores even basic respect for the support of biological families and individual choice, unless it fits their agenda.
Question for wives:
If Jesus is your true husband, then what does that make the man who’s married to you?
Your fake husband?
Your human husband?
Chopped liver?
Oh wait, I know what that makes him. It makes him your “coworker.”
False/abusive practice requires false/abusive teaching. No one else interprets Genesis 3:16 quite like UBF does into the degrading “cursed woman’s desire” (marriage problem) teaching. No one else interprets John 4:1-26 quite like UBF does into the marriage-sabotaging “Jesus as true husband” teaching, where now Jesus becomes the solution to every woman’s cursed desire for marriage, before and even after her marriage.
After such teaching, when marrying for love is now “cursed”, and autonomy in the decision to marry and whom to marry becomes nearly unthinkable, the female recruit is then pushed to marry.
“No one else interprets Genesis 3:16 quite like UBF does…”
Good observation. I have come to the conclusion that UBFism is a new religion.
“If Jesus is your true husband, then what does that make the man who’s married to you?”
Sobering question, yes. And furthermore, who then is the “true wife” of the husband? Are the men married to Jesus too?
In the end, the fact is both are married to UBFism. Leaving UBFism, then, becomes a divorce process from the group.
Great analysis, Hertoa. We need more such articles so that long-time and newly recruited UBFers see through these sometimes subtle but in total extremely dangerous and harmful teachings and practices.