You may be wondering what will happen if you read this book. Maybe you are confused about what I am doing. Should you believe the Brian who once spoke glowingly about our ministry? Or should you believe the Brian who now bashes and criticizes our ministry unceasingly? Should you believe the Brian who prayed so much and sat quietly in meetings, enabling our country to become a priestly nation? Or should you believe the Brian who now slams Korean missionaries at every turn?
I would ask the same questions of you. Which UBF should I believe? Should I believe the UBF that claims to be a mainline evangelical church and Christian missionary-sending organization? Or should I believe the UBF that is a chaotic network of self-supporting businesses? Should I believe the UBF that claims to be making disciples of Jesus? Or should I believe the UBF that shreds peoples’ lives with invented disciplines like dead dog training? Should I believe the UBF that praised me for two decades? Or should I believe the UBF that says I am demon-possessed after sharing my honest feelings?
You may not believe the things I write about here in this book. That’s ok. I am not asking you to believe anything. I am not asking you to agree with me or to leave the ministry. I understand that this section is all that you may read from this book. It may be too fearful, too emotional or too difficult to keep reading.
If there is one thing I want to say while I do have your attention, it would be this: I loved UBF once just as you do. I am not some outsider who speaks from observation. I am a true insider who once stood with you in your mission. I believed in the mission UBF teaches. I believed it so strongly that I gave over my life decisions, like who to marry, to the ministry. I gave my youth, my adult years, my time, my money—I gave everything for the sake of our vision for a kingdom of priests and a holy nation.
As I mention in the opening of this chapter, one day in 2006 I was shocked to hear a student tell me he would not join my Bible cult when I approached him on campus. I did not even say anything, but he knew what I was doing. In my mind, I was obeying Jesus. In his mind, I was recruiting for a cult. How could this be? Did he not know I was a holy servant of God appointed to change the nation into a holy nation? I pondered this man’s words for years. It was one of many reality checks that helped set me free from a subtle yet powerful Bible-based delusion. In time, I began to see the growing disconnect between my perception of UBF and the reality of UBF. I came to terms with two realities in particular: I am living in a fantasy. I am seen as a cult leader by the outside world.
—Identity Snatchers: Exposing a Korean Campus Bible Cult, pg 14-16
I remembered something I heard and saw when I was still new to UBF: I had been sent to Chicago for Discipleship training and was attending a Friday night testimony sharing meeting. I was listening to a testimony and a Korean man up front was shouting at the speaker, correcting him, and the speaker was changing what he had written as the Korean man was correcting him. I remember thinking, “Who is that crazy man shouting at him!?” Later, I learned that that crazy and arrogant man was “The Great Samuel Lee!” My response to this news was to amend my opinion. But now I realize that my natural instinct was indeed correct…….that man was a crazy and arrogant man!! Wow!! That was the week in which I was introduced to my husband and became enslaved to UBF. I really wish I had gone with my natural instinct and went back home and to a healthy church that very week!! (Ok, then I would not have had my 5 darling children, so ok, it was worth it, haha!)
And for me it was watching so many people honor him at his funeral. I thought, God let me do such good (and be so loved by so many) and got caught up in the cult of self.
Mr.C, good point – yes we got lost in the cult of self. The cultic theology of sacrifice and the KOPAHN ideology drove us to be inward focused, so much so that we ignored the abuse going on all around us.
Beka – I too wish I would have seen such things, but I was blinded by my own tragic situation and personal desire for fame/ego. We could fill ten blogs with such stories. And I think we should.