My name is Susan, and this is my true story…I was introduced to the Toledo Chapter of UBF around ’93/’94 by a guy named Jeff. He introduced me to his Korean bible teacher, Hannah. She was excessively persistent in calling me, showing up at my dorm, and offering me all kinds of “help” through 1:1 bible study. I finally gave in and agreed to study with her. Little did I know that this would lead to a long, harrowing 2 years of spiritual abuse and hell.
I was a weak Christian who was trying to find my way back to God and true faith. I grew up in a very difficult home, and was basically fatherless for most of my life. What the UBF cult was great at is what I will call the “love-bombing bait and switch.” I imagine that their greatest prey are students who feel lost, lonely, adrift, or who’ve experienced some profound loss. At first, new bible students are lavished with false love, praise, acceptance, and inclusion. After these so-called “shepherds” get their claws deeply imbedded into the heart and mind of the student, then the switch and real manipulations begin.
Before getting ensnared in this cult, I always wondered how people could fall for such lies. After all, I had just watched how our gov’t slaughtered Waco compound cult followers of David Koresh just months prior to joining UBF! The way that cults operate and manipulate can be summed up in two words: Subtle Coercion. The take-over of people’s minds and lives is done through a very methodical process of love bombing them, alienating them from their former life/friends/family/activities, and then abusing them in various ways through the help of fellow cult associates. This is done through the use of “helpful suggestions” that are really just tactics of guilt, criticism, and shaming. New adherents, after being alienated from everyone and everything they used to know and love, find themselves in a highly vulnerable position where they are desperate to keep receiving the love of this “new family” and are manipulated into a “do anything to keep the love flowing” mindset.
So here are the details of my time in the Toledo UBF cult and how I got out:
1. I began 1:1 bible study with Hannah. As I look back on it, 1:1 was really just code for a lot of intel gathering on her part to learn all about me, my family, their places of employment, and their work schedules (very important to remember, as it directly relates to my escape from their clutches!)
2. Once I was fully immersed in their “family”, I was fast-tracked to live in Sisters’ House with 4 other girls. This house was the communal control center for keeping tabs on their unmarried female members. There was also a Brothers’ House, which operated for the same purpose.
3. I was thoroughly sleep-deprived by the insane number of required meetings, early morning daily bread sessions, special event rehearsals, conference meetings in Canada and elsewhere, and trying to work part-time and be a full-time student. My grades plummeted, but I was told that God’s mission for my life was more important than grades.
4. Dating was strictly forbidden, since the group arranged singles to be “married by faith” by whomever the cult leaders decided to pair up. Towards the end of my time there, I felt certain that I was being groomed to marry someone who had been in love with another sister that they married off to a guy in Montreal. To add injury to insult, they made him dance a duet with me for her wedding! His heartbreak was so evident to me, and their actions were most assuredly meant to humiliate him into the dust.
5. The manipulations and machinations for behavior and mind-control, in the beginning, were always very subtle. It always started with suggestions here and there, that eventually led to overt dictates and mandates by the end of my time with them. In the beginning, you are lavished with “unconditional” love and attention. By the end, they are making every decision about every facet of your life. I remember receiving several articles of clothing from Hannah as a “gift”, because the UBF dress code was ankle length skirts and excessively modest tops. School, work, sleep, dress, whereabouts, visitations- EVERYTHING about my life became their business. After one conference in Canada, I was severely rebuked for receiving and writing back a letter to a young man from another chapter. I was told that this was strictly forbidden.
6. So, what finally woke me up? A truly God-ordained spring break trip that the UBF leaders VERY reluctantly let me go on. I believe that God warned me in a dream the night before I left for this trip. The theme of the dream involved my mom’s house and a message that said “when you are alone is when they will attack.”
I went to the Bahamas with my mom, and while there, I met a beautiful Christian woman in the Straw Market who offered to braid my hair. She invited us to her humble, little church down the road. It was there that my eyes were once again opened to the power of the Holy Spirit, and to the awesome saving grace of the Lord, Jesus Christ. The scales fell from my eyes and I wept as I saw a young man receive the FREE GIFT of salvation: not through pressure, or coercion, or through threats, or fear, or most importantly-through his own efforts. No, I saw with my own eyes that this young man had responded to the sweet, gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit. And that moment is what set me free.
I was in a place where I could finally rest, where my mind could begin to become my own again, and where I could attend a true church where all three Persons of the Triune God were honored and given their due respect. That Bahamian church was a place where the Word of God was held higher than the words and dictates of men, and it was good, and I felt set free.
7. The beginning of my exodus was painful and frightening. When we returned to Ohio, there were several messages on my mom’s answering machine from Hannah, demanding me to call as soon as I got back. When I called, she insisted that I return for Sunday service. My mom was very concerned at the change in my demeanor after hearing the messages, and she gently said to me “you don’t have to jump just because Hannnah says to.” The new school term was set to begin on that Monday. I had a horrendous feeling of panic and dread, because I knew that something was terribly, terribly amiss in UBF. For the first time, I was very afraid to return, afraid that they would know that I was on to them, and afraid that they would take drastic measures to make sure that I would never be able to leave again.
8. So, I deferred my trip back to Toledo until early Sunday morning. I got back in time for Sunday service, and the moment I had feared most came crashing down on me like a tidal wave. After service, we always had a circle “debriefing” amongst our designated leaders and bible teachers, which involved regurgitating the message to make sure that we had been fully indoctrinated in whatever drivel had been espoused that week. I was the last person to speak. Instead of doing what was expected of me, I shared the story of the young man who received Christ.
Everyone stared at me in disbelief, and the alarm bells went off in my head, because the dismissive looks they gave me reinforced the cult mentality that “if it didn’t happen here, then it didn’t really happen.” I prayed for God’s strength and protection to help me not show my utter panic and fear, because I was certain that they would try to restrain me in some way. I acted as if everything were normal, but I had resolved to leave very early Monday morning to go back home and to leave UBF forever.
I wrote a letter to Hannah and left it on her door, saying that I was ill and that I needed to go home since she was expecting to meet with me at 5:30 am. I didn’t tell anyone back home about my plans because I did not want to alarm them and I was afraid that one of the Sisters I was living with might have tried to eavesdrop on my phone conversation. I only packed up a few important belongings to keep my travel light and my exit swift.
9. On Monday, the hunt began. All the months of 1:1 intel gathering paid off. Knowing that my mom was working half a day on Monday, I drove straight to my friend’s university that was nearby my hometown so I would not be alone and so I could begin to reconnect with a solid friend who knew me better than anyone else. I knew that my mom was working a half day. Hannah thought my mom would be working a full day. Hannah looked up and called both of my brothers at their places of work trying to find out where I was, which sent my brothers into a panic, because they had no idea what was going on. After spending most of the morning with my friend, I drove home to my mom’s house.
My blood ran cold when I saw a red SUV parked in the church lot behind my mom’s house. I knew it belonged to one of the guys from “Brothers’ House” and the words from the dream before our trip immediately came back to me: “they will attack when you are alone.” Even so, I felt a tremendous peace wash over me and I knew that I was supposed to confront them with truth of exactly why I left. The three UBF people involved were Hannah, my roommate Lauri, and Russell. I invited them in, knowing that my mom would be home any minute. What I experienced during that brief conversation was something other-worldly, and I believe it was a manifestation of true spiritual warfare. Some might not believe it, but I saw it with my own eyes.
While I was convinced that they might try to abduct me, I felt complete peace that God would protect me. The intense hatred and evil that I saw pouring out of Hannah and Lauri’s eyes was other-worldly. While Russell should’ve been the one for me to be afraid of since he had the ability to overpower me, I never once sensed from him a physical threat or this same intense evil that Hannah and Lauri gave off. The walls and ceiling in my mom’s house looked like they were shifting whenever Hannah or Lauri spoke, and Hannah looked as though she wanted to murder me. I told them that it is not of God for people to be controlled by other people, or to be separated from their family and friends, or to deny the Holy Spirit the work and power that only belong to Him.
As soon as I spoke my peace, the key to our back door turned, my mom walked in, the walls stopped shifting, and the three of them said it was time for them to leave. I had my UBF friend, Jeff, call me and berate me two days after I left the group, and the wall-shifting happened again during that conversation. Then I received a hateful letter from him a week later, along with all the letters and tokens of encouragement I had sent to him during his National Guard training. It was clear that I was labeled an evil pariah. When I went to gather my things on Wednesday, I found several items missing, and the only person who could’ve fit into them was Lauri. Even so, my mom had a very strong friend of hers accompany us on the trip to gather my belongings for safety and protection.
10. The aftermath. So, it would seem that life should just go back to how it was before the cult experience, right? Sadly, no, it doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t work that way because the mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual damage done by cults runs very, very deep. When I woke up, I experienced survivor’s guilt, because there were several people in that group that I genuinely loved and cared for. I was very close to several girls in the group, including the chapter leader’s Korean daughter, who was in Jr. High at the time.
I thought of my beautiful friend Missy, who had been whisked off to Montreal after her arranged marriage. I thought of my roommate Franzie, who had a big heart and a beautiful smile, and I felt guilt that I had been awoken to reality while they were all like POW’s, left shackled and in chains.
I escaped at a time when the Internet didn’t even exist yet, so I very much felt alone in my experience as I tried to process the doubt, fear, and confusion that cults drum into the minds of their victims. I am thankful that others have since awoken, left, and found true freedom in genuine Christianity that honors Father, Son, AND Holy Spirit.
My prayer is that others will be helped through the telling of my experience and story.
Thanks so much, Susan, for sharing your real and heart-felt story.
It’s certainly very good that social media now allows such stories to be told and publicly shared, while in the past they would be “hidden,” ignored, disregarded, or only told from “the hunter’s point of view.”
“Until the story of the hunt is told by the lion, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” African proverb.
“Until the story of the hunt is told by the lion, the tale of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.” African proverb.
There is a “lion” in Detroit 🙂
the hunters have become the hunted, the lions have gathered/encircling the camp: shall hunters run for their lives back whence they came or cower to be mauled; the lions shall team up to separate the hunters (his/her rifle has come to little avail like a peashooter as many mouths/claws lunge for head & body); pillaged resources must be surrendered or are about to be taken.
the hunter’s resources run low for exposure of deeds led to reduced supply, the lion is reclaiming the jungle
“the mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual damage done by cults runs very, very deep”: causing troubles/traumas incurred by survivor going thru phases of recovery
Susan,
I want to publicly thank you for sharing your story. This is a critical read for all people at ubf. Your story shows how damaging UBFism really is, for after only about 2 years of involvement, you still feel the effects 23 years later.
I feel so many reactions to your story…
I feel ASHAMED! As a leader at Toledo UBF during those years you had to experience all this, I am deeply sorry that I sat by idly. We leaders wrote down your name SO many times on chalkboards and on paper and later on computers… along with all the other “sheep”… many of those details you mention were shared among us leaders so that we could “pray you would be protected from Satan”.
I feel INFURIATED! How dare anyone claim ubf is a Christian organization that is just making disciples of Jesus? They are a cult to this day. Only Ben Toh’s Westloop Church has been redeemed away from the danger of UBFism.
I feel MOTIVATED! I will accomplish many things in my life, I am sure. I will do everything in my power to make sure one of those accomplishments is the shutting down of ubf. I will write a library of books and fill the internet with blogs if I have to.
I feel GRATEFUL! I am so pleased to hear that the Holy Spirit moved your heart to reach out to me, and to share your story on ubfriends. Our discussions had been stagnant here for a few months, and I have been waiting and seeking the Holy Spirit’s leading to spark new discussions. Your story is precisely the work of the Holy Spirit I have been expecting. No ubf shepherd has the authority to usurp the Holy Spirit’s role!
Susan,
If you are curious as to what happened to Toledo ubf in the last 6 to 7 years, please read my articles from our first site:
What happened to Toledo UBF?
Guess what? Jeff’s brother and Russell are the new co-chapter directors! In 2011, Toledo UBF experienced a MASSIVE shakeup as 7 long time leader families left… almost all the families you knew from 1993 are GONE, including my family. We left on different terms, but the common element is that we ALL saw the Holy Spirit’s leading AWAY from Toledo UBF and the danger of UBFism.
Oh and Toledo UBF smashed part of the old Bible center; now they are stuck with a new million dollar building and almost no people.
Ben & Brian,
Thank you both for your courage and resolve to admit your part during your years of involvement in these different Chapters, and for your humility to recognize your respective roles in perpetuating harm under UBF’s influence. I, too, brought damage upon people that I was shepherding, and I pray that they were able to break free since my ability to make contact with and to warn them after I left was destroyed. God will surely use you both to help redeem and restore all that the Enemy has tried to destroy. In Christ, there is no condemnation, and I thank God that I can call you both my real and true brothers in Christ!
Brian, thank you for providing the link to what happened in Toledo. It does not surprise me that my name and example were drug through the mud for years and years thereafter; I will actually wear that memory as a badge of honor! For it was for freedom: mine, yours, and everyone else’s, that Christ came to this lost and broken world. I will gladly have my name smeared and decried for the sake of defending true Christian freedom and liberty.
As for Russell, while I don’t know what his journey has been, I will say that I will forever be grateful to him for affirming my decision to find out for myself what was true. He was completely non-threatening during that embroiled moment of reckoning. God may very well have used him as a conduit of truth in a moment that was crucial to my well-being. My guess is that he may have spoken contrary to this reality after the fact, but that was my experience with him in that moment. I always liked Russell and appreciated his intelligence. I think that dichotomy is something that has always baffled me about UBF. There were some extremely brilliant people involved with UBF whose spiritual minds and personhood were completely overtaken by tyrants. I really don’t know how they functioned in their jobs in light of the sleep deprivation and abuses that went on there. But I know this, I will continue to keep them in my prayers! Those in Toledo, and all around the world.
“There were some extremely brilliant people involved with UBF whose spiritual minds and personhood were completely overtaken by tyrants”: tyranny in religion/education/etc inflicted troubles/traumas so survivor recovery involves many occurrences/costs
Thank you so much for sharing, Susan. I can feel with you because I have also experienced the trauma of getting in and out UBF in the 1990s. Maybe UBF has become a bit better since then, but certainly not fundamentally better, since they never admitted and confessed this kind of abuse they systematically committed and probably continue to commit.
I am thankful that you shared your story not so much because I am hearing these things for the first time – I have experienced very similar things myself, even though I lived in a different continent. Some of what you wrote sounds like deja vues. The reason for this is that UBF is a *system*, a franchised venture like McDonalds – you get the same treatment everywhere on the world (at least it was like that in the 1990s, today they are a bit more heterogeneous). I have also read many similar testimonies from others after leaving. So what you are sharing is not something new. Still, every single of these testimonies is important so that people inside and outside of UBF can see that the abuse did not happen only a personal level, but that it was systemic – ingrained into the system. Also, UBF likes to blame us few outspoken UBF critics who dared to create websites about the problem as if we were the only ones who experienced such problems and as if we were particularly “bitter” or “hateful” or “unspiritual”. Therefore it’s so important to show that it was (and probably still is) a global and universal phenomenon. Some people think we have published already enough of such testimonies. But we haven’t. Every single testimony counts to reveal the full story and extent of the problem. So thank you again for telling this story even after so many years.
Thanks Chris!
I agree that the abuses are systemic to the UBF franchise…that is a great way of describing it! But I think even more important than the UBF traits are the hallmark tactics inherent to all cults:
– love bombing
– subtle coercion
– complete alienation from former life/friends/family
– replacement of former connections with “new cult family”
– spiritual/mental/emotional/psychological/physical abuses
– group speak/think
– severe warnings of horrendous catastrophes that befall those who leave the group
– disparagement and example-making of former members
– personal salvation being dependent upon one’s devotion, works, and service hours
My hope is that by sharing my story, and by others sharing their stories, that our truthful testimonies might awaken others who are trapped in an oppressive cult…whether that be in UBF, The Church of Scientology, Jehovas Witnesses, or any other group that seeks to enslave the heart, soul, and mind of individuals. While my testimony may be arriving 20+ years after the fact, I believe it is arriving at exactly its appointed time. My message might be meant for only 1, or maybe it’s meant for 10,001. What I know is this: I was prompted by the Holy Spirit in my prayers to bring forth this testimony at this time and in this place. How and when God chooses to use it is entirely at His discretion! I am just thankful that I am loved, forgiven, and chosen by a good, good Father!
Love this song:
http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=YLYKGGNX
You’re completely right, Suz – the traits of abuse in UBF are not a unique to them, these features are shared by all cults. Cult mind control works the same everywhere, be it in a pseudo-Christian cult like UBF or a UFO cult. All of them make use of these same psychological mechanisms, some for more sinister goals, some for more noble goals. UBF goals seem more noble and there are certainly many cults worse than UBF. On the other hand, sometime I think it’s even more condemnable because they study they Bible every day, contrary to Satanist or UFO cults, so they *should* know the truth. (Jesus said we should not use titles, but see each other as brother and sister and leaders should serve the sheep, not command, coerce, guilt-trip and pressure them. Peter warned to not lord over others. I could go on and on and show how UBF contradicts the Bible.) People should not be blinded to the fact that UBF uses cult mind control methods, no matter how much they study the Bible and use it as a smoke screen. That’s why I do not hesitate to call UBF a cult. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck. UBFers hate me for calling UBF a cult, but I just tell them: Then stop behaving like a cult, admit and repent for behaving like a cult for 40 years, hurting and traumatizing probably not hundreds but thousands of people and their families, and driving them away from God.
You’re also right in that your testimony may not only help UBFers, but people in similar groups. Some of the most helpful readings for me were not the books written by cult experts (though they are necessary to read as well), but the personal accounts of people in groups similar to UBF, like the ICC, and other cults.
“severe warnings of horrendous catastrophes that befall those who leave the group”: which happen as result of having been in group/not result of leaving
Chris, I guess we agree more than we disagree. This is excellently summarized!: “…they *should* know the truth. (Jesus said we should not use titles, but see each other as brother and sister and leaders should serve the sheep, not command, coerce, guilt-trip and pressure them. Peter warned to not lord over others. I could go on and on and show how UBF contradicts the Bible.)”
Just to anticipate some rebuttals, someone likely will say or think or insist, “Not everyone in UBF is like this!”
Ben, sure, not everybody in UBF is abusive to the same extent. My rule of thumb is: The higher up people are in the hierarchy, the more abusive they are. To be a “leader” in UBF means to use UBF methods which means to be abusive. The problem of the people in the lower ranks is not so much that they are abusive, but that they are silent, that they tolerate and enable the abuse of the directors. (Apostle Paul already complained about such people: “You put up with it when someone enslaves you, takes everything you have, takes advantage of you, takes control of everything, and slaps you in the face.”) There is nearly nobody who speaks up against abuse. And those who did left or were forced to leave. Except maybe you. But you’re a phenomenon of its own and in many ways exceptional.
“a long, harrowing 2 years of spiritual abuse and hell”
PERPETRATORS MUST IMMEDIATELY REPENT/MAKE AMENDS FOR ALL SUCH INTOLERABLE OFFENSES, OR BE ETERNALLY CONDEMNED.
IF DEMONICALLY POSSESSED, THEY MUST BE EXORCISED IMMEDIATELY, AT ALL COSTS/BY ANY MEANS.
In the words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer:
“Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.”
Whether that evil is in Nazi Germany, or in UBF, or in an abusive household…to remain silent and/or complicit is evil, plain and simple. In a court of law, people who stand by and watch a crime being committed by their friends are charged as accomplices to that crime. I think the same could and should be said and done for the accomplices within UBF.
As a side note, here are a list of side effects that I experienced after leaving UBF:
– Recurring nightmares
– Anxiety/panic attacks
– Fear of being alone
– Campus ministry/church avoidance
– Severe mistrust of things related to God
– Rebellion to overly authoritative figures
– Boundary issues with others
These are just a smattering of the toxic effects that might be experienced by those who escape from a cult. But the effects are real, and they take a long time to recover from. And the most unfortunate thing is the trigger effect, which essentially throws a person back into the fight-or-flight mode because they experience something that triggers a memory from the cult abuse experience. For me, this has never gone away…and it probably never will.
Susan, My heart is touched and moved and near tears by reading your honest heart felt sentiments.
I hope that someday UBF leadership will acknowledge and validate what you and countless others have experienced, rather than ignore it or disregard it or dismiss it as some rare infrequent anomaly.
Thanks Ben,
I hope the same for them. I really do. There is always hope for each of us…even unto our last breath. May their hardened hearts be softened, their blinded eyes be opened, and their souls moved to sincere repentance. Our God is a merciful God, who desires that none should perish.
Susan, thank you for taking the time to share your story.
My story is quite different from yours. My time in UBF was much longer. And my journey out of the UBF spheres of influence was much more gradual. But for everything that you have said about UBF here, I have seen similar things happen again and again. Anyone who would dismiss your account as “biased” or “full of lies” or “just one person’s experience” is ignorant or living in denial. There are many, many people whose experiences with UBF are similar to yours, and I would guess that their number far exceeds the number of people who are still committed to UBF.
Two parts of your article really resonated with me.
First: When you went to that UBF worship service and talked about that young man who received Christ, and everyone in your group reacted negatively to the story because “if it didn’t happen in UBF, it didn’t happen.”
Second: Your account of spiritual warfare: “The walls and ceiling in my mom’s house looked like they were shifting whenever Hannah or Lauri spoke, and Hannah looked as though she wanted to murder me.”
If any UBF loyalists read your article, they would probably dismiss that as impossible. In their minds, the UBF ministry *equals* the work of God. In their minds,if any dark forces are at work, those dark forces are trying to lead people *away* from UBF, not keep them in. They refuse to consider that there may be evil and oppressive principalities and powers at work in their own community.
I am very glad that you brought this up, because this is something that has rarely been discussed ion UBFriends. But I’ve heard other people give accounts of spiritual warfare with a flavor similar to yours. At times, with certain people in UBF, my wife and I have experienced it too. At the last UBF North American staff conference we attended (the one held at IUP in 2013), there was a woman missionary who approached us and tried to convince us that we should stop raising questions and causing trouble. No doubt, she thought that she was doing God’s work and trying to cast Satan out of us. But her demeanor and behavior was so odd, so erratic and strange, that we definitely felt that other forces were at play. Perhaps it was dark supernatural powers. Perhaps it was mental illness. (The line between them isn’t always clear.) But her weird behavior didn’t rattle us at all. God gave us confidence to stand up to her.
I’m wondering: How many readers out there have had experiences like this? How many of you have had encounters with UBF members and UBF leaders where you sensed that dark spiritual forces were present?
Joe, these two parts also resonated with me.
Regarding “if it didn’t happen in UBF, it didn’t happen” I remember how a young man who was in UBF terms “my sheep” was told to deliver a life testimony on a conference. At the same time when he made Bible study with me, the young man also worked together with Christian nurses in a hospital. In the testimony he mentioned how the quiet and unselfish work of these nurses impressed him and encouraged him to believe in God and follow the gospel. The day before sharing it, he and I were summoned into the room of the director to discuss the testimony he was going to share. As you can guess, the director told him to scratch that passage about the nurses, under the pretense the testimony was becoming too long. Instead, he was instructed to bring the testimony in the well-known UBF narrative: First part, I was a silly and sinful sheep, second part, UBF found and served and saved me, third part, now I’m eternally thankful to UBF and want to live as a UBF shepherd or be sent out as a missionary. Sheepishly, we complied with the “orientation” of the director.
But I know it kept nagging him. After he finally left UBF a few years later, because a pastor had warned him about the group, I visited him a last time and asked him why he wanted to leave. We had a good talk, and I didn’t try to pressure him into staying. At least I hope my visit did not resemble the one described by Suz 😉 On this occasion he told me that one reason was the manipulative behavior of the director, and he particularly mentioned his “censoring” of his testimony. The other reason was that he started to see and understand the arranged marriage concept of UBF and he disliked the idea of marrying that way. He was a really good guy and today I’m happy that he left, even though at that time I had a “broken shepherd heart” in UBF speak.
I remember another story when a not-so-young-any-more man joined our chapter. He was already a Christian but a very free one, not member of a church, but living as a kind of street evangelist. He was very enthusiastic about the gospel and had joined UBF because he was looking for fellowship and believed UBF had the same mission of actively preaching the gospel. A pretty unusual member of UBF, as UBF normally avoids inviting people who study theology or are already Christians, because they cannot easily be manipulated and because UBF cannot claim to have saved them and demand thankfulness and loyalty when they are already Christians. So they would need to convince such people that only in UBF they became *real* Christians, which is a harder task than saving obvious sinners. Soon enough it turned out that this didn’t work out. The man was more self-confident than typical UBF sheep, and he also clashed with UBF on the terms of arranged marriage, as he had a girlfriend and resisted UBF’s demands to marry or keep a distance from her. So soon enough he was considered a “troublemaker” and “bad influence” on the other sheep. However, the chapter had only few members and the native members liked him, so it was not easy for the missionaries to simply kick him out. But they managed to make him leave anyway. For instance, while even immature and new members were given positions as “fellowship leaders” (I was one of them), that man who was much more mature and versed in the Bible was not given a leading position. He was also told to share his testimony at a conference. I remember how after the testimony sharing night of our conference, I was so enthusiastic and wanted to share my enthusiasm with him. But he complained to me that the director let him rewrite his testimony five times, and it was still not considered good enough and so he was not able to share it like the others. At that time I believed he was not humble and the director wanted to give him some training in this regard. Only now I understand what really was going on. Surely, the director had also told him to focus on UBF and not on his life as a street evangelist and to repent for having a girlfriend. The idea was to either shape the man into the mold of a UBF shepherd or make him leave on his own. I’m sure they were not unlucky after the latter finally happened. And of course everybody was told that the reason he left was him being a proud and unspiritual man.
Regarding the “dark spirits”, I think the positive and negative “waves” that we sometimes feel can also be interpreted as our subconscious, as “intuition”, as a way of our mind telling us that something strange is going on that it cannot explain rationally, either because it *is* of supernatural nature, or simply because the mind cannot yet fully grasp and understand what’s going on rationally. If you don’t know the concept of “mind control” and never heard of Lifton’s criteria, your mind cannot tell you in such clear terms that and why you’re in danger. Instead, it uses images and dreams. I remember how in the first night of a UBF conference I dreamt of being in a world that consisted of two levels. My friends were in one level, on the surface, and I was going to live in the underground level with my UBF friends. My friends and an inner voice warned me the people underground had “ulterior motives.” But I disavowed and insisted to live in the underground instead. A clear warning of my mind. Unfortunately, the dream didn’t help me because I was trained to not listen to “feelings” from both sides: My scientific mind told me to listen to my ratio more than to feelings, and UBF told me that “faith is not a feeling”. So my poor feelings were suppressed from by both sides. My rational mind was unable to grasp the glibbery and irrational nature of UBF teachings that were based on obedience and twisted concepts of faith, diligence, servitude and calling. My “gut feelings” were there to help me, but I didn’t listen to them, believing they might be temptations from Satan.
Only later, when in addition to all the strangeness and abusiveness of UBF I recognized that they were in fact lying and covering up obvious wrongdoings of leaders, particularly the general director, my conscience started to wake up and confederated with my gut feelings. After that, I couldn’t stay in UBF much longer.
In the 90’s, I had an unusual experience when I visited a UBF chapter probably before a summer conference. On one occasion, I entered a room at the Bible center where several shepherds were sitting around a table sharing maybe a message or a testimony with the chapter director.
As soon as I entered the room, feelings of intense fear and heaviness seemed to overwhelm and crush me. I had never felt such fear before nor have I ever experienced it again since that time. Sweat started to run down my face drenching my clothes although it was neither hot and humid inside the room, nor outside, nor did I have any physical problems.
As soon as I had these sensations, I left the room and immediately this intense fear started to subside. When I tried to enter the room again, this intense fear and dread came back. I noticed that the chapter director was verbally abusing every shepherd in the room. He looked like a snarling wolf to me. I had never seen him like that before. The shepherds looked discouraged and fearful. I then stayed out of the room not wanting to experience panic and fear again.
I remember feeling bewildered about the fact that there obviously was a demonic entity in the room although all the people in there had been studying the Bible and reading it daily for years or even decades and were now sharing the word of God. They should have been filled with the Holy Spirit.
As far as I know, all those shepherds have long since left UBF. The chapter director is still an honored leader. Maybe he has changed.
I may have submitted this comment twice. Sorry!
Welcome Moriah! I saw your comment (and duplicate) just now. (sorry, slacking off on my admin duties!)
Indeed, behind closed doors UBF chapter directors are VERY different. You would never guess the transformation that takes place… I witnessed one event where the person was so very angry that he slammed his fist on the desk, causing a pencil to fly across the room almost knocking my eye out.
Joe, my response to your question is perhaps subjective, and so it can be easily denied, or be told, “That’s just your own imagination or bias.”
When I began blogging on UBFriends and questioning certain habitual UBF practices, the attitude of some people whom I have known in UBF for two to three decades dramatically changed toward me. It is basically a combination of mistrust (I don’t trust Dr. Ben!), being viewed with suspicion, patronized at times, people being sugary sweet toward you (which is rather unnatural), and if there is any discussion of substance, the attitude I perceive is basically adversarial, angry and accusatory. Occasionally, it is a pretty obvious contemptuous and condescending look of disappointment and disgust. It is as though upon seeing me, they suddenly became sick, or that they just saw a nauseating hideous monster!
As I said all the above is rather subjective and based on my own perception, and thus can be and likely will be categorically denied!
I never overwhelmingly sensed dark forces while in UBF, but sometimes I was aware of a spiritual conflict and I was never sure what side I was on.
Two things that really seemed off to me before I started to realize the problems with the UBF system:
1: I mentioned once that I was attending another Bible study group that was a huge blessing. The responses to this were restrained and skeptical, and I’m sure if I’d kept talking about it after that point (I didn’t) I would have been pressured to quit.
2: Prayers were never for people’s salvation. It was always about raising up disciples or bringing back the lost sheep; in other words, getting people to participate in UBF.
At the time I was in the thick of UBF training, but these two aspects seemed even distinctly un-Christian to me. I always had a strange, disturbing feeling about them, especially in prayer meetings when I noticed the second point.
Thanks Joe,
It helps me to know that others are familiar with the experience that I had. I hesitated to share the spiritual warfare part because I know that it sounds implausible. However, scripture does remind us that we are not actually battling mere men, the real battle is with the dark forces and principalities in this world. It has helped me to see that many people are like prisoners of war…and it helps me to have far more compassion, knowing that only God’s grace, ONLY His grace can rescue each of us from such a fate. The work of the Holy Spirit in calling men unto God is a profound mystery. I am not a confrontational or forceful person by nature, so for me to speak boldly when and how I did has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the Holy Spirit empowering me to do so.
Thank you for sharing your story, Suz. I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. It sounds familiar to other stories that I know about and it comports with some of the experiences that I have had in the ministry. I think that we will spend a very long to unraveling and healing from these ordeals. Joe asked
“How many of you have had encounters with UBF members and UBF leaders where you sensed that dark spiritual forces were present?”
These days, I’m of the opinion that it may be somewhat unhelpful to categorize some (but by no means all) experiences as demonic or spiritual. The reason being is that no one really knows what goes on in this realm so interpretations and observations become highly subjective and in some cases fantastical (though these may indeed be real). Another reason is that it is very easy for both sides to demonize each other using this approach and thus little progress is made in figuring out what’s really going on.
I have had some bizarre and eerie experiences, but for me personally, when I reflect on these I can chalk a lot of it up to human psychology. Wherever codependent relationships exist, when one party begins to sense a loss of control, they act out in odd and unbecoming ways. A lot of shepherds have been taught that they are parents and spiritual overseers of their sheep. They become highly possessive and they justify this with an appeal to a higher power. This adds a massive amount of gravity to the situation. It becomes the shepherd’s god-given mission to secure the eternal destiny of their sheep. Also, anyone that threatens the cohesiveness of the group is seen as an imminent threat to God’s holy mission, therefore they must be dealt with in extreme ways and more often than not end up being seen as evil by the group.
On the one hand, human beings are very simple and social engineering of communities appears to involve a few ingredients (e.g. playing into the fears and hopes that people commonly have). On the other hand, individuals are very complex on an emotional and mental level. It’s no wonder that we display some bizarre and seemingly inhuman behavior when things don’t follow our (or a higher power’s) set plans. This doesn’t justify anything, but I wish that more ministries would taken into account human psychology when analyzing the practices they espouse. They need to ask if a procedure or paradigm is healthy on a human level rather than a spiritual (and thus more nebulous and perhaps fanastical) one.
not to get metaphysical but when I saw SL close up, his eyes (or other top leaders also sometimes) looked like gerbil, meaning dark/black-hole looking, like tv show where person is possessed or something; or sometime rw chuckle sounded like hiss (snake-like?)
regarding dreams, I seldom remember except one maybe when still catholic as young adult before attending ubf): was in bottom of boat which was moving very rapidly & shifting without crashing, went up to see who driving: no one but the river was so narrow close to boat on both sides that despite high speed could only follow every bend & curve like groove, no need to drive:)
“They need to ask if a procedure or paradigm is healthy on a human level rather than a spiritual (and thus more nebulous and perhaps fantastical) one.”: excellent point David, religious issue often involve ‘overspiritual’
Dave, this is excellent: “Wherever codependent relationships exist, when one party begins to sense a loss of control, they act out in odd and unbecoming ways. A lot of shepherds have been taught that they are parents and spiritual overseers of their sheep. They become highly possessive…”
My blunt brash brutal way of saying this is that some UBF leaders think (are totally convinced and absolutely believe) that they OWN you and that you OWE them!…for eternity!
“It helps me to know that others are familiar with the experience that I had. I hesitated to share the spiritual warfare part because I know that it sounds implausible.”
Susan, I find this very plausible. I too hesitate to share my odd experience, for the reasons David mentions mostly.
But I think it is an important piece of the puzzle. I once had a dream that everyone was sleeping at a Toledo UBF worship service as the messenger droned on (well that part could be real actually). In the dream, an evil spirit was laughing an swooping around the room, lulling everyone into a stupor. I really believe the spirit realm exists and that such a thing could really have been happening. None of us leaders/messengers really knew the gospel, so we were just mini-Goebbels spewing propaganda.
I wrote this in my 3rd book about my ubf experience. This was, in my mind, a moment of interacting with the Holy Spirit. The room visibly became brighter and I heard an almost audible voice:
“As I hung up the phone, I had a sudden, odd experience. I heard an almost audible voice say the words “You will be crucified.” And then I became exceedingly happy, peaceful and content. I was overwhelmed with contentment, feeling as if waves of joy were flooding into my soul. I knew I just kicked the hornet’s nest. But I also knew I had begun a much-needed journey—a journey where I would be the spark of change at UBF ministry. That journey still continues to this day.”
Unexpected Christianity: The Penguin Narratives, pg 28
Chris, to varying degrees UBF is still doing this: “The idea was to either shape the man into the mold of a UBF shepherd or make him leave on his own… And of course everybody was told that the reason he left was him being a proud and unspiritual man.”
Basically, it’s either “shape up (in ubf’s image) or ship out,” of “my (ubf’s) way or the highway.” Some top level ubf people obviously believe this to be absolute and non-negotiable, though some realize that they can’t be too outwardly pushy anymore.
Thanks everyone,
I definitely find merit in some of the points that Chris and David brought up, but I want to make a clear distinction that the shifting I saw only happened when 3 out of the 4 UBF members spoke to me after I left. The ones filled with the vitriol and hate seemed to be the ones connected to the shifting. When Russell spoke, it didn’t happen at all. I mean, NOT AT ALL. He was present, face to face, trying to convince me to come back and it didn’t happen when he spoke. On the other hand, when Jeff called and spoke on the phone, the shifting immediately began. He was not physically in the room with me, but his mere speaking seemed to invoke this effect. Please understand, I have been in very heated arguments and situations before and after this incident, and never before did I experience something of this magnitude. I experienced/witnessed unspeakable violence from my father when I was young, and was under severe mental duress, yet never once did I see the physical shifting of stationary objects during those moments of fear and distress. I know it sounds impossible and unexplainable. I cannot prove it or wholly convince others of it. All I know is that I believe that what I saw was a battle of spiritual proportions playing out in the physical world. And make no mistake, it was a very real battle for my soul.
Hi Suz, I didn’t mean to discount your experience. I accept it as something real that you went through. I suppose that I was speaking more for myself and how I’m trying to reflect on past instances which I ascribed to spiritual phenomena. I don’t count spiritual activity out completely, but I am weary of this label sometimes because I have seen it used for purposes that were perhaps not pure or helpful.
Thanks David,
I completely understand! As Ben mentioned earlier, such experiences are completely subjective. They are often times unverifiable, which understandably leads to incredulity. I really hesitated to share that part of my experience for this very reason. But in trying to tell the entire truth of my experience, I felt it was an important part to share. I think it’s important for us ex-members to realize and remember that we are not battling mere men; the struggle for salvation and freedom is very much a spiritual battle against the dark principalities of this world. I think this helps bring a softening to our own hearts towards those who have trespassed against us when we view them as prisoners of war. The Enemy has taken their hearts and minds captive! I truly hope that this knowledge would spur us to remain humble and to sincerely pray for those still involved in UBF…for them to be awoken to the truth of God’s entire word and to the truth of his triune nature. Denying even one part of His nature is to deny Him entirely. There is no way around it.
I like your way of framing spiritual warfare. It reminds us to be gracious and compassionate even toward those who may oppose us. I think what’s often lost in these conflicts is that we are dealing with real flesh and blood people whom God also wants to extend grace to. God bless you, Suz.
we must all be saved from demonic oppression & influences but it doesn’t help if leader or group are oppressed thus oppressing
‘At first, new bible students are lavished with false love, praise, acceptance, and inclusion. After these so-called “shepherds” get their claws deeply imbedded into the heart and mind of the student, then the switch and real manipulations begin.’: unfortunately this can happen in a church, school, job,etc so sincere people end up like pinball in machine until battle free & strive to recover by any means at any cost
When I read Susan’s excellent article again, this statement stood out to me, “What the UBF cult was great at is what I will call the love-bombing bait and switch.”
They did love-bombing so well that even after leaving UBF I did not realize what had happened to me in the early stages of my involvement.
I had always thought they genuinely liked me because before they could start the manipulation and control phase they married me off to another chapter.
So I usually referred to the first chapter as the “good” chapter and blamed the second chapter for all the bad things that had happened to me, my family, and other members.
Years later when I met the director of the first chapter and his wife again, I even thanked them for the wonderful times I had enjoyed with them. They must have snickered inwardly about my naivete.
I find pretending to like someone even worse than outright abuse because it is so deceitful and therefore more hurtful.
What opened my eyes to UBF love-bombing were the testimonies of former UBF members on this website and some books about cult manipulation that Brian recommended.
I realized that all things including so-called friendships are just part of their program (although I am sure there are some genuine people in UBF).
So I thank Susan, Brian, and many others for their open discussions!
Merry Christmas!!!