{"id":3730,"date":"2017-12-16T00:01:18","date_gmt":"2017-12-16T05:01:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ubfriends.net\/?p=3730"},"modified":"2018-01-05T19:57:58","modified_gmt":"2018-01-06T00:57:58","slug":"what-to-do-if-a-friend-or-loved-one-joins-ubf-cult","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ubfriends.org\/ubfriends2015\/what-to-do-if-a-friend-or-loved-one-joins-ubf-cult\/","title":{"rendered":"What to do if a FRIEND or LOVED-ONE joins [UBF] CULT"},"content":{"rendered":"

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This article is mainly geared towards relatives and pre-UBF friends whose friend\/relative is a current member of UBF.<\/p>\n

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This material is a summary of personal conversations with three\r\nexit-counsellors. It is a FAQ in that it answers a question that myself\r\nand many openly anti-cult people are frequently asked: \"I am worried about a\r\nwork colleague\/friend\/parent\/child who is showing interest\/deeply involved\r\nin an organisation which I think is a cult. What can I do?\" Some of the\r\nadvice here is relevant to dissuading someone who is just becoming involved.\r\nSome of it is relevant if you know someone who is deeply involved. Mostly,\r\nthe focus is on gentle dissuasion: when someone is involved very deeply\r\nwith a cult, there is no substitute for an experienced exit-counsellor.\r\n\tThis document contains an overview of one of the ways of getting\r\nsomebody out of a cult. It has a (highly condensed) list of useful\r\naddresses and resources. Appendix I is the Cult Awareness Network's list of\r\nDo's and Don't's and appendix II briefly addresses the use of the World\r\nWide Web in exit counselling.\r\n\tMany, many thanks go to all the people whose work has made this\r\ndocument possible.\r\n\r\nIMPORTANT THINGS TO BEAR IN MIND<\/strong>:\r\n\r\n\tCult involvement is perhaps best seen as similar to an addictive drug.\r\nOn the one hand, it can provide ecstatic highs, feelings of well-being or\r\nboosts in confidence. On the other, it can lead to a total dependence, so\r\nthat it is focused on at the expense of one's family, friends, job, or health.\r\nLike drug addicts, cult members can end up giving all their money to fund\r\ntheir search for the next peak experience. If they get very deeply involved,\r\nthey can, in effect, give up their moral and intellectual judgements in\r\nfavour of a blind acceptance of what the cult dictates.\r\n\tThe fact that there are good *and* bad points is of paramount\r\nimportance. Conversations between a cult member and an anxious parent are\r\nusually a frustrating stalemate: The cult member refuses to consider the\r\nbad points of the cult and the parent will not accept that there are good\r\npoints.\r\n        Don't get into a panic. Some of the anti-cult material that is\r\navailable is very alarming, but remember that the scarier stuff is more\r\nnewsworthy. People like myself who compile anti-cult information look for\r\nthe most striking facts, just like anyone else who provides news or\r\ninformation. This is not to be confused with sensationalisation, which is when\r\none makes insignificant facts seem unnecessarily alarming. Because a claim\r\nis made that certain members of the cult have done X, don't assume that\r\nsuch things are commonplace.\r\n\tParents or friends occasionally resort to kidnapping in order to get\r\nthe member out of the cult. However desperate things may seem, do not try\r\nthis at any cost. It is illegal, counter-productive and completely against\r\nthe spirit of individual freedom. What you are trying to do is to restore your\r\nfriend's independence, not to put them under a new set of pressures.\r\n\r\nSTEP ONE: INFORM YOURSELF<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\tIf you do not know anything about the cult, you will make no headway\r\nat all. Many cult belief-systems strongly emphasise the distinction between\r\nthose \"inside\" who have the \"sacred knowledge\" and those \"outside\" who do\r\nnot understand how good the cult is. People who criticize the cult without\r\nfirst learning anything about what it offers simply reinforce this view. \r\n\tYour local library, the cult itself and of course the Internet are\r\nplaces you can search for information. If you find a World Wide Web page\r\ndealing with your particular cult, it is often worth e-mailing the\r\nauthor, who may have information or documents that they have not yet put on\r\nthe Web. Read the cult's own information as well as critical books or\r\narticles. Find out what it was that attracted your friend to the movement.\r\n        The teachings of the cult may seem very bizarre. That isn't a bad\r\nthing in itself: remember that most religious or philosophical doctrines\r\nseem bizarre to people who first hear about them. The more important\r\nissues are whether the cult has your friend's welfare at heart, or whether\r\nhe or she would still choose to be in the cult if making an informed,\r\nuncoerced choice.\r\n\tIf the teachings of the cult are obviously illogical or unethical, you\r\nmay wonder how your friend could possibly fall for such a group. Remember that\r\nyour friend is more likely to be persuaded by how they feel than by the words\r\non the page. The cult creates an environment in which no-one expresses a\r\ndissenting opinion and in which people are made to feel very welcome in\r\nreturn for accepting the cult's teachings and social order. Some cults treat\r\ndissenting thoughts or criticism as crimes. In short, social pressure is\r\nbeing used against your friend. People are much more susceptible to social\r\npressure than they realise.\r\n\tIt is extremely useful if you can talk to an ex-member of the cult.\r\nYou can often find such people by watching Usenet groups, reading Web-pages\r\nor perhaps by inquiring in your own neighbourhood. The best you, as an\r\noutsider, can do is to express your concern to the cult member and give\r\nthem some gentle dissuasion. Proper exit-counselling can only be done by\r\nsomeone with a deep experience of the cult.\r\n\r\nSTEP TWO: INFORM OTHERS<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\tIt will be useful to get other people on your side. Talk to other\r\npeople who care about the cult member: friends, work colleagues or family.\r\nAgain, don't just create a panic: tell them that, while your friend of course\r\nhas a right to his or her own life, you are concerned that he or she is being\r\nmanipulated by people who have no real interest in his or her welfare. Show\r\nthem some of the documents that you have found in the library or printed out\r\nfrom the Internet.\r\n\tTogether with these other people, you can set down what you know about\r\nthe cult victim and ask yourselves why it is that he or she joined the\r\ncult. \r\n\tMany cults pressurise their members into handing over large amounts\r\nof money, usually in an escalating series of payments. Members can get into\r\nterrible debts this way and they often get the money from their families.\r\nYou can restrict the financial loss by shutting off joint accounts or\r\ntrust funds that you both have access to, and by warning people not to\r\nloan money to them. It also restricts your friend's cult involvement. He or\r\nshe will become a lot less valuable to the cult if it becomes known that he\r\nor she does not have much money to turn over. If she or he begs, don't\r\nsend money to \"help\"; send necessities like food and clothing instead.\r\n\r\nSTEP THREE: BE SUPPORTIVE RATHER THAN CONFRONTATIONAL<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\tYou may feel like going up to your friend and ridiculing them for\r\nbeing so stupid as to fall for what is, to you, an obvious scam. This is\r\nentirely the wrong attitude. It's really just another use of social pressure.\r\nThe cult member is being taught to see you as an enemy: careless actions\r\non your part can easily reinforce this.\r\n\tMake it absolutely 100% clear to your friend that you do not hate\r\nthem for what they are doing. Perhaps you hate the cult, or you hate\r\npeople who have lied to your friend, but you are only discussing the cult\r\nout of concern for their welfare. (If you do hate your friend for what\r\nthey're doing, stop and think again: you're looking at the situation the\r\nwrong way).\r\n\tRemember that you are trying to get them to make a free choice\r\nbetween an independent life and life in the cult. It may be that troubles\r\nat home, in their personal life or their career helped to make the\r\nindependent life look less attractive. (Of course, such things are never\r\nmajor factors: people join cults because they are *recruited*). You\r\nmay have to face up to, and rectify, some problems at home. Remind your\r\nfriend that there is a supporting environment waiting for them if they\r\nwant to leave the cult.\r\n\tAmong the many different beliefs that the cult member will have taken\r\non, some will have higher priority than others. For example, the belief in\r\nthe infallibility of the cult leader may be sacrosanct, while the belief\r\nthat the money is being put to good use is something about which the cult\r\nmember may have real doubts. Hence you have to choose carefully which\r\naspects of the belief system you are going to discuss. For example, it\r\nwould be pointless to start by discussing the cult leader. This is one of\r\nthe ways in which the advice from ex-members is useful.\r\n\tArrange to meet your friend, in a place, preferably a family home,\r\nwhere they feel comfortable. It has to be a private place, and somewhere\r\nwhere you have your documents and a video player to hand. Make sure they\r\nknow that they are not under any pressure to stay but that you want to\r\nspend some time listening to each other's concerns.\r\n\r\nSTEP FOUR: LISTEN<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\tGet your friend to talk about their life in the cult. They will\r\nstart off by telling you how much it has transformed their life for the\r\nbetter. Although you'll be tempted to interrupt them or challenge them,\r\n*don't*. Just listen to what they have to say. By making them describe the\r\ncult in their own words, you are encouraging them to think for themselves\r\nabout what they have done. Follow this up by asking what the teachings of\r\nthe cult are, or how their life now compares with life before they joined\r\nthe cult. What they say to you is very important: it is the key to\r\nunderstanding why they joined the cult.\r\n\tDon't dispute the successes: if you were trying to persuade\r\nsomeone to come off drugs, you wouldn't tell them that the drug doesn't\r\ngenerate a high, would you? Instead you would try to draw their attention\r\nto how their life has been affected by the drug and how their habit wasn't\r\nworth the money or the danger. This is the same approach that one should\r\nuse in the cult situation.\r\n\r\nSTEP FIVE: MAKE THEM AWARE OF WHAT A CULT IS<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\tRemember that your friend has been told that there is only one\r\ntrustworthy authority -the cult hierarchy. Because of this, you cannot\r\nexpect to say to them \"You're in a cult,\" and have them respond, \"Yes,\r\nyou're right: what a jerk I've been.\" What you can do is to pave the way for\r\nthem to *discover for themselves* that they are in a cult. When they are\r\nsuitably talkative, you can suggest that you watch a video. Video\r\ndocumentaries on mind control, hypnosis or on other cults are useful at\r\nthis stage: anti-cult groups will tell you how to get hold of these.\r\n[a video list will be included in a future version of this FAQ]\r\n\tFor the moment, you are not discussing your friend's cult; just\r\nshowing them what you mean by a \"cult\". Most people are completely unaware\r\nof the power of social pressure and of psychological coercion. The better\r\nyour understanding of coercive tactics, the less effective they are on you,\r\nso it's essential to give your friend some understanding before they can\r\nrecognise what has happened to them.\r\n\r\nSTEP SIX: LOOK AT CRITICAL MATERIAL<\/strong> \r\n\r\n\tYour friend will not immediately make the connection between what\r\nthey learn about mind control and what is happening in their own lives.\r\nHowever, if you have made it this far, you have at least sown some vital\r\nseeds of doubt. You have laid the groud for the important step of getting\r\nyour friend to look at some negative material about their own cult.\r\n\tThey may be confidently asserting that they are not in a cult, in\r\nwhich case you can invite them to look through some critical material\r\n(\"Let's criticise the critical material!\"). It is best to start with\r\nwell-known sources, such as video documentaries or mainstream press articles.\r\nYou, of course, have on hand some documents or further articles with which\r\nto back up the claims in the article or video. Remember that the facts are\r\non your side; the point of the exercise is to allow your friend to\r\nlook at the facts with an open mind, not to tell them off.\r\n\r\nSome general questions you might focus on are:\r\n\t1) Cults promise that their members can attain superior happiness,\r\nvirtue and\/or ability. Do other people in the cult have these qualities?\r\n\t2) Do your friend's superiors really care about your friend? Are\r\nthe 'friends' that they make in the cult real friends?\r\n\t3) Is the cult truthful in the way it presents itself to the public?\r\n(The two of you can take a close look at the recruitment literature.) Does it\r\ncome up to its own proclaimed ethical standards?\r\n\t4) Is your friend really more free now than they were before joining\r\nthe organisation?\r\n\r\nIF YOU SUCCEED...<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\tIf you have created the right conditions and persuaded your friend\r\nto rationally discuss the cult they are involved in, it may be that they\r\nrealise how they have been manipulated. There is still a recovery process\r\nto go through, whose length will depend on the severity of their cult\r\ninvolvement.\r\n\tPeople with a deep involvement will have to get used to being able to\r\nchoose when to sleep or eat. They will have to get used to not having their\r\ndecisions made for them. They will be suddenly free from the pressure to\r\n\"produce\", and from the the fear of failure. They will have to get used to\r\nordinary language and social protocols. The world will seem quite alien to\r\nthem for a while, in a way which outsiders cannot understand. They will\r\nneed plenty of time to think things through, and to talk about what has\r\nhappened to them.\r\n\tThe emphasis should still be on letting your friend find things\r\nout for him- or her-self. Remember that you are dealing with someone who has\r\nbeen made very suggestible and vulnerable. If you convey to them that\r\nthey are in for years of psychological ill-effects, the act of telling\r\nthem might contribute to the syndrome. The answer then, is not to tell\r\nyour friend how they should be feeling, but to let them recover at their\r\nown pace.\r\n\r\n<\/pre>\n
APPENDIX I: Do's and Don'ts<\/strong>\r\n\r\nDownloaded from the website of the now-defunct Cult Awareness Network,\r\n(see the CAN Memorial Page at http:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20010424115233\/http:\/\/www.icon.fi\/~marina\/can\/<\/a>\r\n\r\n                                DOS AND DON'TS<\/strong>\r\n               A guide for families who think a member or friend\r\n                     is involved with a destructive cult<\/strong>:\r\n\r\n   DO record all names, addresses, phone numbers of persons known to be\r\n      associated in any way with the individual's activities.\r\n\r\n   DO maintain a written chronology of events associated with the\r\n      individual's activities relating to the group.\r\n\r\n   DO answer all communications from the individual in a loving, sincere,\r\n      non-critical and consistent manner.\r\n\r\n   DO collect related items from newspapers, magazines, and other sources,\r\n      as well as publications of the group.\r\n\r\n   DO NOT send money to an individual in a cult if you can send non-cash\r\n      gifts such as clothing, non-refundable airline tickets, etc.\r\n\r\n   DO NOT spend large amounts of money for treatments or seminars until you\r\n      have verified such programs' credentials and qualifications for\r\n      handling your problem.\r\n\r\n   DO NOT GIVE UP!  Remember the individual is a product of your love,\r\n      training, heredity, and home environment.  These influences can never\r\n      be permanently eliminated by any technique.\r\n\r\n   DO NOT feel alone.  This is a common problem faced by thousands all over\r\n      this country and abroad.  It affects families of every religious or\r\n      socio-economic background.\r\n\r\n   DO seek help, establish and continue an association with an organized\r\n      group of families with similar situations.  We care about you!\r\n\r\n\r\nAPPENDIX II: THE POTENTIAL OF THE WORLD WIDE WEB<\/strong>\r\n\r\n\tWith the advent of hypertext databases of cult material on the\r\nworld-wide web, there is the possibility that some exit counselling could be\r\ndone by sitting the cult member at a computer and inviting them to peruse\r\ndocuments at their own pace. The problem with traditional exit counselling is\r\nthat it is done by a few known people: cults can teach their members to fear\r\nand distrust those people. When hypertext is involved, the cult member,\r\nrather than the counsellor, is choosing the order and the rate at which they\r\nare exposed to negative information.\r\n\tEach critic's web-page has a different focus. Many are created\r\nwith the intention of \"immunising\" people against future involvement, and\r\nmight not be suitable for people who have already been drawn into the cult.\r\nFirst-hand accounts of life in the cult make a good starting point, because\r\nthese are likely to have the most credibility to your friend. It is always\r\nan advantage to have paper copies of the important documents and articles\r\non hand.\r\n\tIt is too early to say how effective this method will be, but I am\r\naware of one case in which a cult member exit-counselled himself by reading\r\nanti-cult web pages, and of a few other cases in which the web played an\r\nimportant part in helping someone out of a cult.\r\n\r\nSource: http:\/\/www.faqs.org\/faqs\/religions\/cult\/cult-concern-faq\/<\/a>\r\n\r\n[Admin\u00a0note: Regarding\u00a0Appendix\u00a0II\u00a0in\u00a0basically\u00a0every\u00a0UBF\u00a0chapter\/church building\u00a0there\u00a0is\u00a0unfortunately no wifi. The only way current members can access the internet is if they have mobile data or a hotspot]\r\n\r\n<\/pre>\n
Here’s a list of professional help from cult experts and exit counselors:<\/p>\n