Recently I read an article recommending weekly marriage meetings:

Holding a weekly 30-minute meeting with your spouse that’s broken into four parts: Appreciation (expressing gratitude to your spouse), Chores (making sure to-dos are getting done), Plan for Good Times (scheduling date nights, as well as individual and family activities), and Problems/Challenges (addressing conflicts/issues/changes in the relationship and in life in general).

I thought that might be a good idea, because, as the article continues to explain:

The structure of the marriage meeting is designed to rekindle your romance, solidify your friendship, nip potential conflicts in the bud, and help you smoothly run your household economy. If you’ve already got a great marriage, then marriage meetings will enhance it. If your marriage has been struggling, the meetings can help you get your relationship back on track.

A young couple sit talking in a garden.

So I approached my better half with this idea. However she opposed, saying she doesn’t like the idea, as she generally doesn’t like any planned communication. She says it would feel artificial and coerced and she values much more if we talk spontaneously, as that’s more honest and feels less awkward. She says such meetings remind her too much of UBF with their weekly meetings and sogams where you were supposed to say certain things, but it was never really honest and helpful. Communication in a marriage should be much more free, natural, uncoerced and spontaneous.

I completely understand what she means. On the other hand, I also see benefits of such meetings and believe they can be held in way that doesn’t feel awkward, unnatural or coerced. Also, nobody hinders us to skip meetings if we’re not in the mood or lack of time unlike in UBF where everything needed to be attended with an “absolute” attitude.

Since my wife opposes the idea so adamantly, I cannot try it out. But I wonder whether other UBF-affected couples tried such meetings, and I would like to get the opinions of others about the topic. Has my wife become hypersensitive against structured communication due to her bad experience in UBF? Or does she have a point and such ways of structured communication – which are surely helpful in other areas like the workplace – are not appropriate inside the marriage? Or maybe it depends on the personality types of the couple?

What do you think?