Here is a secret that came up in an email conversation this week. The problem is this: How do you survive at a group like ubf? How do you leave a group like ubf? How do you recover from a group like ubf? Good questions. I decided to share this tidbit as a short article, so everyone can benefit.
Here is how I survived the ubf lifestyle from 2003 to 2011. This is also how I began recovering from the group.
- Be unscripted.
- Do not propagate UBF.
That’s it. So simple.
These two rules are guaranteed to piss off your UBF shepherd, but while you are being manipulated and controlled by the shepherding theology of sacrifice, you might as well have some fun–and keep your sanity.
Try doing something that is not scripted out and pre-approved by the ubf chapter director or your personal lifelong shepherd. Then refuse to propagate UBF, giving glory only to God and focusing only on preaching the gospel, regardless of whether anyone comes to ubf or not.
I hope it goes better for you than it did for me. I stopped propagating UBF in 2003 when our family “pioneered” Detroit (ugh that sounds so arrogant now!). I did continue to defend UBF online, but this was not for the sake of propagating UBF. I defended UBF for my own sake. I was hoping the group I committed my adult formative years to was indeed a Christian missionary training group. I was wrong.
Be yourself and not be something else that someone else expects you to be. This is the freedom that comes only from the gospel of freedom (Gal 5:1; 2 Cor 3:17; Jn 8:32). Whatever you do preach the gospel of God’s grace (Ac 20:24) and give all glory to God (1 Cor 10:31). This is the bento paraphrase of Brian’s liberating comment: “Try doing something that is not scripted out and pre-approved by the ubf chapter director or your personal lifelong shepherd. Then refuse to propagate UBF, giving glory only to God and focusing only on preaching the gospel, regardless of whether anyone comes to ubf or not.”
I do not think that we should have it in mind “to piss off” anyone intentionally and stir up frustration and anger for its own sake. However, I do think that we should give our allegiance to God and God alone, and if the Lord leads us to pursue (or not pursue) an action, we should do so.
If God gives you insights into theology or into His plan for your life that run contrary to your Shepherd’s ideas, you of course are free to speak your mind and follow the Spirit’s voice. However, if doing so would inevitably result in conflict with your “spiritual elders”, that is a sign that you are in an environment that does not support a truly deep relationship with God.
Do not turn away from God’s direction to blindly follow someone else’s ideology! This is not for the sake of irritating people and causing division, but for the sake of following God alone.
Here is a helpful article about why people conform in a cult. The article is about Scientology which seems to be different in terms of their “theology”. But these psychological mechanisms are the same for all high-pressure groups, independent of the teachings of the group.