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“Marriage by faith, as practiced in UBFism, is to be avoided at all costs. It is a vile manipulative control tactic from hell.“– Wikigoat
This quote is very good advice. However you must be wondering: What about those who are already in an arranged marriage in UBF? What can they do to leave? These are very important questions that will be answered in this article. But before that there is something else that needs to be addressed.
One of the unique, extra-biblical (and, I would argue, unbiblical) practices of UBF is what they call “marriage by faith”. This statement supposedly means, “By faith, trust God to establish your marriage union.” What it actually means, however, is, “You don’t get to choose your partner. Your chapter director will decide for you, and you have to blindly accept that this is God’s will.” Often, people who hardly know each other or who have never met are partnered in this way. Ultimately, the goal of this arranged “marriage by faith” is not as much biblical marriage as a tool for solidifying the couples’ commitment to UBF doctrine.Recently I read an article recommending weekly marriage meetings:
Holding a weekly 30-minute meeting with your spouse that’s broken into four parts: Appreciation (expressing gratitude to your spouse), Chores (making sure to-dos are getting done), Plan for Good Times (scheduling date nights, as well as individual and family activities), and Problems/Challenges (addressing conflicts/issues/changes in the relationship and in life in general).
I thought that might be a good idea, because, as the article continues to explain:
The structure of the marriage meeting is designed to rekindle your romance, solidify your friendship, nip potential conflicts in the bud, and help you smoothly run your household economy. If you’ve already got a great marriage, then marriage meetings will enhance it. If your marriage has been struggling, the meetings can help you get your relationship back on track.
In light of Samirbrazil’s article about Marriage by Faith (MBF) and the fact that marriage is such an important topic (the second most vital decision of your life). I would like to run a pitch before all of you respected ubfriends.net readers.
It’s not a new idea. There have been murmurings about it for quite a while.
It’s called: ubmarried.org
Rationale:
1.) MBF is time consuming. It takes a really long time to wait to get introduced to someone. Honestly, if you think about it, if, hypothetically, a given chapter has 5 eligible bachelors/bachelorettes, when that chapter director/Bible Teacher goes and asks a different chapter about potential spouses they usually ask only about one at a time and the other four are left hanging. This website will cut the waiting time. Very necessary as biological clocks are tick tick ticking…Read More
When I entered UBF, I was dating a girl. She also came to attend the UBF services. She was with me in two Sunday meetings, but I did not let anyone know that she was my girlfriend. I already wanted to end the relationship with her before entering UBF, when I saw that it would be difficult to keep dating. So I wanted to end the relationship. After a few months, I reported my relationship in a testimony during a 1-1 Bible study. I also told some UBF people about my relationship with the girl. When I told my Bible teacher, he asked me, with an attitude of reproof:
You want a dating or you want to serve God ??
For him, you either obey the rules of UBF or you are disobeying God. In the limited minds of the people of UBF, you cannot have a loving relationship and also be a servant of God. Worse, in their minds, you cannot be guided by the Holy Spirit to find the love of your life. When you get married in the UBF “marriage by faith” model you are not exercising your faith. You are just blindly obeying the instructions given by men trying to steal the role of the Holy Spirit.